Meredith felt her eyes flutter as she was slowly waking, realizing she had fallen asleep. She felt a throbbing pain in her neck, she slowly moved her head up. She looked at the clock, realizing it was 1am. She had been awake for nearly 24 hours and her body felt it.
"Any word yet?" Meredith muttered as she looked up at a very tired Derek. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days. The prominent bags under his eyes said the same thing.
"Not yet," he said, shaking his head.
"I'm going to go grab some coffee. We have all had a long night," she breathed deeply as she finally got the energy to stand.
"I'll come too," Jake said as he stood up.
"Ok, I only have two hands," Meredith smiled as she started walking away, Jake following beside her. Meredith looked at him, she never really got a good look at him when he first came in and introduced himself. He was nice, clean cut and had a warmth to him.
"So Addison tells me you are a fertility specialist?" Meredith asked, trying to make conversation.
"Yeah, I am actually double certified," he nodded with a small smile.
"That's amazing, what is your other specialty?" Meredith asked, now intrigued.
"General Surgery. I worked at John Hopkins until my daughter was 18 and she decided to go to Seattle University. I packed up and moved out here, started working at Seattle Pres mostly," he said as they got into the elevator.
"What made you pick both?" Meredith loved hearing the stories of how attendings decided on a specialty, especially when she had no idea what she wanted to do herself.
"OB-GYN was my first choice. It was the easy one, you know? I went with General but ended up with an OB fellowship which led me to fertility. I enjoyed the idea of giving women the families they have always wanted," he said with passion in his eyes, Meredith had seen many people talk about their specialty's but the way he spoke about his was astounding.
"That's amazing, you're really passionate about that aren't you?" She asked.
"Yes, I love my job. It has its days but when I see the women I work with finally achieve what they have always dreamed it makes the best of it. Have you thought about your specialty? Addison told me you did wonderful with OB?" He asked as they stepped off the elevator to the first floor.
"I haven't really felt a calling for one yet. I know everyone expects me to go into general because that's what my mother did and she was extraordinary but I can't live up to her name," she said, shaking her head.
"You're mother was a surgeon as well?"
"She was. Ellis Grey," Meredith waited for the look he gave her as it changed, realizing that she was Ellis Grey's daughter.
"Like the Grey method?"
"The one and only."
"She was great, I envied her when I studied General. I attended one of her seminars once and the way she was so passionate about surgery made we want to be a better surgeon," he said, praising her mother.
"Which is why I don't want to ruin her legacy," Meredith replied, it was true. She didn't want to live in the shadow is the great Ellis Grey.
"You wouldn't ruin it, you would make your own," he shrugged.
"Thanks," she smiled, she genuinely enjoyed Jake. He was kind and seemed like the perfect guy. She could understand why Addison married him so fast, he seemed like he knew what he wanted and never let go.
They ordered their coffees from the coffee cart, she grabbed hers and Derek's while he grabbed his and Addison's. They talked a little, mostly about work. She wanted to ask about him but didn't want to get too personal, she didn't know how he would react to her asking personal questions about him. They walked off the elevator back to the waiting area, she handed a very tired Derek his coffee.
"Thanks," he said without expression as he downed the coffee. She knew how hard this was for him, Grace was his entire world. He would do anything for that little girl and now there was nothing he could do to fix her and it killed him. She sat down next to him again, the silence was killing her. A breath of relief when she saw Amelia coming from the doors.
"How is she?" Amelia asked as she removed her scrub cap.
"No word yet," Addison said, speaking up.
"She's going to be ok, she has to be," Amelia sighed, shaking her head.
"How's the guy with the knife?" Meredith spoke up finally.
"He's going to be fine, he's one lucky guy," Amelia replied as she crashed down to one of the chairs.
"Guy with a knife?" Derek asked.
"Some butcher slipped when he was cutting something and stabbed himself in the head. Didn't get past the skull luckily," Amelia replied with a yawn.
"You should go get some sleep, it still could be hours before we hear anything," Derek offered, knowing she had worked all day just like the rest of them.
"I want to stay, she is my niece after all," Amelia said quickly, "where is Mark?"
"He has Sofia, He won't stop calling me."
"We are family Derek, he loves her just as much as the rest of us," Amelia scoffed.
"I know, I know," Derek sighed, burying his face into his hands as he wiped the tears trying to fall. Meredith landed her hand on his back, rubbing gently as he would do for her.
"Amelia, go get some sleep. We will call you when we know something," Addison encouraged, she looked just as tired as the rest of them. The bags started to form under her tired eyes which made her look a lot older than she was.
"I'm going to an on call room, I won't be far," Amelia said as she got up and walked away. Silence fell again, Meredith was so tired of the silence of the hospital. The hospital wasn't suppose to be a quiet place, but tonight it was. She looked over at Derek, he looked like a complete mess. His usual nicely-styled hair was now sticking in all different directions, his bright blue eyes now rimmed with red and darkened under the lights. She felt absolutely exhausted but she had to push through for him. She wanted to be there for whatever he needed, she loved him with everything in her.
Meredith's heart stopped when she saw Teddy coming over the them, it would be now or never for them. She only hoped for the best, but she knew the risks of the surgery. Addison was the first to stand, then the rest followed.
"How is she?" Derek said, nervously running his hand through his mane.
"She's in recovery, the surgery had some complications. It was almost like damage control, her heart has suffered a tremendous amount of damage due to the stress it was under. I repaired what I could, her muscles are too weak to do much else," Teddy said, shaking her head. She looked almost as devastated as Derek.
"What does this mean? I mean I know what this means but I need more," Addison said, speaking through the tears that had began to fall.
"Her heart is weak, we placed a pacemaker for now. I managed to sew the tear but it won't hold forever. We are going to have to place her on the transplant list. We also noticed some damage that it's causing to the lungs. We are putting her on the list for a heart and lungs. I wish I had better news," Teddy sighed, she looked defeated.
"She was fine, six months ago. How can this happen so fast?" Derek asked, trying to maintain his emotions. Meredith could sense his emotions just trying to burst through. Like his whole world was crashing down in a matter of hours.
"With her condition, it can happen rapidly. I have seen cases where it happens a lot faster. It could have started just after her last appointment and gotten worse," Teddy replied, trying to be as helpful as she could be.
"Can we go see her?" Derek asked, hoping she would let them.
"Right now, she's sedated and intubated. The surgery really took a lot out of her. She is slowly triggering the vent and hopefully her lungs should be able to come off them sometime tomorrow. I suggest you all find an on-call room and get some rest. You all have a long road ahead of you," Teddy said before turning and stepping away.
"I'm going in there," Derek said as he put his coffee down and started toward the elevator.
"Derek, Teddy is right. I want to be with her too but she will be fine," Addison tried to stop him.
"She can't be alone, she's just a little girl Addison," Derek spat back.
"Hey, let's calm down please. We are all sleep-deprived and need to rest. You need your strength for her tomorrow," Meredith said, defending Addison.
"You don't get it, Meredith. You're not a parent. She needs me," he spat, his eyes filled with frustration. She felt like his words just stabbed her. She knew that he was angry and tired but his words struck in a way that she never thought he would do to her again.
"You're right," she croaked, trying not to cry. His face dropped immediately, realizing that he had hurt her.
"I think I'm gonna go now," she breathed deeply as she grabbed her coat and turned to walk away. She hurried to the nearest on-call room. She didn't have the energy to drive the short distance to her home. Her eyes began to water, the words replayed in her head over and over again. She quickly wiped the tears away when she heard the door swing open.
"Meredith-"
"Don't. Just leave," she said, shaking her head.
"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry," he said with a guilty frown.
"What? Because my child is dead that doesn't make me a parent? You don't think I wanted to be there every second I could with her? I barely saw her because I was in and out of it so much. You don't get to sit here and bash me, I know it's hard but that's no excuse," she was filled with anger as the words spewed from her lips. She felt so hurt by his words, it would have hurt less if he has just stabbed her.
"I know. I lashed out, I've been there with her through everything. Her surgery when she was just an infant and through all the doctors appointments. I just can't leave her there all alone," he said as tears filled his eyes. She knew how badly he was hurting watching his daughter go through this, she had been there before.
"You can't throw something like that in my face Derek. That hurt, I have always felt like a parent even if my baby was only alive for five days. I held her, I changed diapers, I rocked her in my arms as she took her last breath-" she had to stop herself, she could feel the rise in her chest. She had never expressed what it was like for her those five days. It was the most agonizing, beautiful five days of her entire life.
"You are the strongest woman I know, I really do wish I could have been there. I am glad she felt loved in her short life," Derek said as he walked toward her, taking her into his arms. She shook with sadness as the tears began to flow. It hurt her more than anything in her entire life.
"You are a mother, and I can't say how sorry I am for saying those words," he whispered in her ear as she sobbed into his shoulder, brushing her hair through his fingers as he held her tightly. She wanted to forgive him, she knew deep down that he didn't mean it. They were all tired and he was a complete wreck.
"I can't-" she said, pulling away from him as she shook her head.
"Please don't leave me, I love you Meredith Grey and I can't do this without you. Please," he said as tears ran down his red cheeks. In that moment, her heart shattered. She was stuck, she wanted to hate him. She wanted to scream and run away from him, he hurt her in a way she never thought he would.
"I don't know if I can do this," she said, turning and walking away from him. She walked right out of the hospital into the rain. As the rain fell against her skin, it covered her tears that fell in streams down her cheeks. She didn't know where to go from here, all she knew was that her world was collapsing at the seams and all she could do was watch. Her heart ached, immediately regretting her decision. She knew she shouldn't have walked away, she lost the one thing in life she dreamed of since the moment she laid eyes on him. Now it was gone, she managed to push away everyone who has ever loved her.
Author's note; I know this is a very short chapter, and I apologize for the delay in my recent post. I am in the process of buying a house, everything has been so busy but hopefully in the coming weeks I get time to work on this story. I appreciate the patience from all of you, and I thank each and every person who reviews. Thank you so much, you guys are amazing.