Disclaimer: See Chapter One. Short version, if you recognize it from someplace else, it's not mine.

"So, you finally tied the knot," Selena Kyle, AKA Catwoman, asked as she strolled through the house formerly belonging to Vernon and Petunia Dursley.

"In a way," Pamela obfuscated. "It's complicated, but we can get into that later. Anyway, thanks for accepting."

"It's my pleasure, I assure you," Selena purred. "Now, what will we be stealing? The Crown Jewels are a bit overdone, if you ask me. I personally am partial to the Lykoi Moonstone on display at the Hastings Museum, but you know the environment in England better than I do right now."

"What, no," Harley interrupted frantically. "We don't need you to help us steal anything, we need you to help babysit. That's what we emailed you about."

"So that wasn't a euphemism?" Selena questioned, the confusion evident on her face. "Are you sure babysitting wasn't code for stealing?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Pamela growled. "I even included a line in the email saying 'This is not code for stealing' just to make sure you knew we really meant babysitting."

"Well, I suppose since I'm here, it won't hurt to help out," Selena sighed before moving up the staircase. "I'll just freshen up in the bathroom before settling in."

Two minutes after Selena left the front room, Harley looked over to Pamela and shook her head sadly before speaking.

"She jumped out the window, didn't she?"

"Yup."

"Fuck. We're going to need to replace Petunia's jewelry, won't we?"

"Only the good stuff."

"Not that she had any really good stuff."

"At least she didn't break through the front wall like Bane did. I didn't know that guy had pedophobia that bad. He seemed fine at Joshua Cobblepot's bar mitzvah."

"His phobia only extends to diapers. Once a kid is old enough to be potty trained, he's good with them," Harley explained. "But Selena was the last person on my list. You got anyone?"

"Nope. We've asked Golden Glider, Ursa, Slade, Silver Banshee, Deadshot, Talia, Shiva, nothing from them or anyone else," Pamela ticked off with her fingers. "No one we've called from Gotham, Central City, Metropolis, or anywhere else will come once we tell them why. Those that do come here run off like Selena, Bane, and Cheetah did the moment they realize what we're asking them to do. No one from anyone's gang can or will fucking babysit. I got nothing, babe."

"Hmm," Harley pursed her lips together in concentration. "I actually might have one more idea."

"Am I going to like it?"

"Eh, do we have a choice?"

"Good point."

Bat Cave, One Week Later

"So, you're telling me Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy kidnapped you, took you to England for a week, all so that you could babysit their two adopted toddlers, one of whom is magical, and then they let you go?"

When Batman summarized her report, Barbara Gordon AKA Batgirl didn't feel quite as at ease with the whole situation as she did during the kidnapping attempt.

"If you want to put it that way, yeah. They even paid me for my time. With the exchange rate it wasn't much, but they did pay, and they bought me first class tickets for the flight back. They paid for me to go to some tourist locations too."

"At least we know where the two are, we can start extradition back to Gotham for trial."

"Yeah, about that," Batgirl scratched her hair in reluctance. "One of the magic things about the kid was everyone around them thinks Harley and Ivy are somebody else, Vernon and Petunia Dursley. All the neighbors thought I was crazy when I told them the truth, which is why I didn't contact you until I could investigate completely. They have official documentation too, and a dozen government offices over there agreed, so it wasn't anything Ivy did with her pheromones, not unless she gassed the entire country. I'm not sure extradition will work for them this time."

"That presents a problem," Batman frowned.

"One I might have a solution to," Batgirl interjected with a hesitantly raised pointer finger. "I checked around. Since they've been there, they haven't committed any major crimes. Five months and no robberies, no ecoterrorism, no kidnappings, nothing that I could attribute to them, or even suspect them of. Well, no kidnappings except for me. But my point is they seem to be retired from crime, but they were desperate for a babysitter. They said they tried everyone, including getting Catwoman to go to them, and no one was willing to do it. Doing this will help them stay legit."

"They could relapse. Both Ivy and Harley have before," Batman pointed out, thinking about the various enjoyable ways he could persuade Selena to talk about her time in England before focusing back on the conversation at hand.

"So they need supervision, right," Batgirl agreed. "And that is where my idea comes in. Since my dad and the two of us have rounded up most of the criminals from Ivy's wedding, and Scarecrow and Mister Freeze and Penguin are dead, Joker is sort of domesticated for the time being, and you are all healed up from your back injury, I was thinking I could go over there and keep an eye out on them. Sort of like a Bat franchise in England."

Batman just stared at her, unblinking and no emotion on his face. She continued.

"Alright, alright, I want to get out of Gotham for a bit, see the world," she admitted. "Crime fighting is slowing down, and my mom and dad are putting me in a very awkward position with their divorce. And being a graduate of what was once Riddler University isn't gonna do me any favors in the job market so I need a new college to put on my resume. I don't think I can get into Cambridge, but there are plenty of good universities there. While I was babysitting, I looked into some of them and maybe possibly picked up some applications already. It'll only be for a few years, and I am only a plane ride away. I just think Harley and Ivy might actually be able to make the quiet life stick, if they have some help keeping out of trouble."

"You're wrong," Batman stated flatly.

"What? Why?" Batgirl complained.

"You could get into Cambridge."