Disclaimer: See Chapter One. Short version, if you recognize it from someplace else, it's not mine.
"Well this is awkward," Penelope Clearwater broke the ice for the group gathered together in one of the Great Hall's antechambers. There was close to a score of students assembled, each one sorted into the Awesome House of Harem by the sorting hat. Several, including Penelope, had been surprised when the Sorting Hat yelled their names out after the last first-year was done being sorted, announcing that she would be in the new house too. "Aren't the professors taking a long time?"
"Nothing like this has happened before, at least not in the last three centuries," Hermione Granger stated, putting another serving of toast on her plate. The 'outliers' of the sorting ceremony had been herded into the room immediately after the hat was done, where the house elves served them their dinner in isolation while the 'adults' tried to figure out what had just happened. A precaution, they said, but didn't specify what the precaution was against. "If it happened before that, they haven't written about it."
"I think we're missing the big question," Tonks stated nonchalantly.
"What is the big question, then?" Gemma Farley asked, a fifth year who, previous to that night, had been a Slytherin. She knew Tonks' question was a setup, based on their interactions in past years, but her sudden resorting had unnerved her enough to rise to the bait.
Before Tonks could answer her question, Dumbledore entered with a dramatic flourish, followed by Professors Snape, Flitwick, Sprout, and Babbling.
"Due to the most unusual sorting, we will be sending owls to each of your parents or guardians to inform them of the situation," Dumbledore announced gleefully. "We will also be notifying the Ministry and the School Board of Governors, and we will all be working to resolve the situation. What we do know is it is not a simple prank by one of the students or staff. The sorting hat is linked to the school and its wards, which means its decisions are binding as long as you attend Hogwarts. Transferring to a different school is a potential option, though it is problematic in nature, and might not resolve this unique issue. Until the cause of this anomaly is found and reversed, you all, magically speaking, belong to . . . to your new house, and there is nothing to be done at this point except adapt. We will, of course, continue searching for a solution and keep you informed of any progress, but it will be business as usual from here on out."
The students absorbed the information, some understanding more than others. They all understood their school year would be more unusual than they expected when they agreed to attend a magical castle where they would learn to bend the very fabric of reality to their whim.
"You all will be staying in one of the guest quarters for visiting schools," Professor Flitwick took over, more solemn than the giddy Headmaster. "The house elves are currently cleaning them since they were last used during the Triwizard Tournament of 1788. Professor Babbling has volunteered to be your Head of House, for the time being. If you will follow us, we will lead the way. Please keep up."
Up two flights of stairs and down three corridors, the motley group finally arrived at a simple wooden hobbit door flanked by two suits of armor with crossed halberds blocking the door.
"Adderhack," Dumbledore stated, and the armor withdrew their weapons, allowing him to turn the doorknob in the center of the door. The much taller Headmaster had to duck to go in, but everyone else could pass through easily enough. "Students, please remember that password. It would be quite embarrassing for you to be locked outside at night waiting for a teacher or prefect to let you in."
The house elves had earned their pay, if they had any. The stone floor and walls of the common room were polished and spotless. The fire in the massive fireplace, surrounded by well fluffed and dustless chesterfields, crackled gently, invitingly. The moderate sized windows overlooked the lake the first years had crossed just a few hours earlier, barely visible in the moonlight. A large corridor off to the side of the common room held a long row of hobbit doors similar to the main entrance.
"Your belongings have been placed in your new rooms," Professor Babbling stated. "Penelope, Gemma, Tonks, and Harry, the professors would like a word with you. The rest, please find your rooms and settle in. Your names should be on your door. My room will be the first one on the right. I would like to make some announcements in thirty minutes time, so please be back in this common room by then."
The four named students milled about as the rest, including Professor Babbling, found their sleeping quarters. As every one of them were first years, they couldn't grasp how unusual their situation truly was.
"Harry, if you would," Headmaster Dumbledore motioned towards one of the room's corner, near the windows.
"Hello, Headmaster, what can I do for you," Harry began politely. His mothers had told him about Dumbledore and his visit a few years back, and Sensei 'Tana had given them all a history of his exploits during and after the Second World War. He had an impressive resume, to be sure, but his actions with Harry had been questionable at best. Harry and his parents thought it best to give Dumbledore a chance to prove his trustworthiness, but he'd have to earn it.
"First of all, I, uh, would like to apologize to you and your guardians. As I'm sure you are aware, I tried to talk with them a few years ago, and the encounter unexpectedly escalated. I was told to not attempt any further contact with them or you and, given the circumstances, I felt it prudent to comply. However, now that you are here, I believe I owe you a long overdue explanation."
Harry glanced away to avoid bursting out in laughter at Dumbledore's sanitized account of his mothers ruthless beating of him into submission, probably out of some misplaced embarrassment. He noticed the other three students Professor Babbling mentioned, each one older than him, had been been pulled away by one of the other professors and were in their own corners having their own conversation.
Dumbledore continued.
"The reason for my visit those years ago was to introduce you to the magical world in general and specifically to get your permission to officially act as a liaison with the various groups who wished to contact you, and who still wish to do so," Dumbledore explained. "Since the death of your parents, witches and wizards around the world, but mostly in Great Britain, have sent you letters of gratitude and gifts, as well as threats and attacks by owl post. I had been handling those correspondence, and I had wished to talk with you and your guardians to see if there was something different you wanted to do with them. Since that conversation didn't happen, I have continued doing what I had been doing with the mail sent to you. When your guardians arrive, as I have no doubt they will soon do, we may discuss it further."
"What gave you the right to make those decisions in the first place?" Harry asked, partly curious and partly accusatory.
"In addition to being headmaster, I hold a position of power in the magical legislative group, called the Wizengamut," Dumbledore explained. "In that role, I am the magical guardian for all orphans born of magical parents. It took nearly a year to find appropriate homes for all the orphans from families killed in the war with Voldemort. Because of your fame and the threat of reprisal from Voldemort's supporters, I felt it best not to relinquish that magical guardianship to anyone in the magical world after your parent's death."
"I suppose that makes sense," Harry conceded.
Dumbledore looked like he wanted to say something else, but stopped himself from doing so. Instead, he cleared his throat and waited a moment before speaking again.
"Thank you for letting me speak with you tonight. I would like to ask you to write a letter to your parents to let them know, in your own words, the situation, as I am sure the letter I will be sending will raise their concerns. I will be offering them a visit to Hogwarts at their convenience, to assuage any of their fears, but hearing directly from you might help avoid any unnecessary escalations."
"I'll make sure to do that," Harry agreed, though he didn't know how he would exactly explain this insanity in a letter. He took little comfort that his moms would probably find the whole situation hilarious once his safety and security was confirmed, especially when they heard Dumbledore was afraid they would beat him up again. He really didn't want to know what teasings Dudley would come up with the next time they saw each other, but his cousin/brother would probably get in trouble if Smeltings caught him looking up what a Harem was. He loved Dudley, but he wasn't that great at book learning.
"Much thanks, Harry," Dumbledore smiled. "Now, I believe I have taken enough of your time for tonight. Go find your room, and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to seek me out."
Harry nodded in thanks and made his way to find his living quarters for the next seven years, assuming things didn't change. Despite the optimism of the other students and teachers that this will be resolved, Harry had his doubts. This seemed to be exactly the kind of shenanigans that his moms had gotten involved in in their previous life in Gotham. As he entered the room with his name engraved in the door, fourth on the right, his thoughts returned to what his moms had taught him about forming a crew. While young Harry Potter-Quinn-Isley began emptying his trunk into the dressers, he began to plan how to ask his new housemates if they wanted to join him in his future life of crime.
Ten first-year girls. Four-first year boys. Three fifth-year teenage girls. One early-twenties supervising professor.
What could possibly go wrong with the name Awesome House of Harem?
Hell, the only reason Bathsheda Babbling, professor of Ancient Runes at Hogwarts, accepted the position of Head of House was it came with a pay raise, preferential duty assignments, and no other professor wanted it. If she hadn't volunteered, it would have been assigned to her, as the newest professor, and she wouldn't have gotten as good of perks. Plus, if she managed to succeed here, she would be a legend for decades to come.
"Listen up, everyone," the new Head of the Awesome House of Harem called out after the seventeen members had arrived again to the common room. She gave them a minute to get situated before continuing, all the while taking note of who sat where and with whom. "This is going to be your family. Your successes will be the House's successes. Your failures will be the House's failures. Do your best, ask for help, give help, and do your best. Together, you will become the best witches and wizards you can be. Let me tell you what will happen now.
"Tomorrow at breakfast, you will be getting your class schedules. I will be escorting you to your morning classes, and at lunch we will have a House picnic followed by a tour of Hogwarts. As the Headmaster said, we will send letters to all of your parents and guardians and I will be meeting with each of them to discuss any concerns they might have. If your parents approve, you may attend part or all of those meetings."
"Now, since our house only has three fifth years and fourteen first years, you'll have to rely on each other more than those at other houses at Hogwarts. I expect each and every one of you to simply do your best. If you have any questions, write them down and put them in the box by my room and I'll do my best to answer them tomorrow, either privately or as an announcement to the entire House. I would like to talk with Misses Clearwater, Tonks, and Farley, but everyone else shouldn't stay up too late tonight. Get to know your fellow Housemates, be friendly and polite, but remember tomorrow will be a big day. Enjoy yourselves, and Welcome To Hogwarts."
Those first years who had known each other prior to Hogwarts congregated together, some pulling out packs of Exploding Snap or Gobstone boards or books. Muggleborns hesitated to move at first, but eventually everyone settled into various groups. The three Fifth Years approached their Head of House, wondering what she was about to spring on them.
"This sure has been one hell of a day, hasn't it," Babbling began. "Unfortunately for you three, you're going to get loaded with more work than Zonko's on a Hogsmeade weekend. Fortunately, it'll come with some perks I think you'll like."
"Prefects?" Penelope guessed, to which Babbling nodded.
"Right-O, Miss Clearwater, you were going to be the Prefect for Hufflepuff, so you'll continue that role with Awesome House of Harem," Professor Babbling requested with a smile. That had been the first time any professor had actually said the full name of their new House out loud, and it caused them all to let out a light giggle at the ridiculousness of it all. "In fact, I think it best if all three of you acted as prefects, at least until after the winter break. If you can't hack it, we can reassess at that time."
"Do you think we'll be in, in, Harem that long?" Gemma Farley asked, only stumbling a bit on the name and forcing herself to not react. She knew the taunting would come soon enough, she needed to practice her not caring sooner rather than later.
"Likely at least a week," Babbling predicted. "But I prefer to prepare for the worst, which in this case means assuming there will be no solution. The Headmaster explained it to the professors earlier. Your Hogwarts House is part of your official school record. By the laws of the Wizengamut and the school, once sorted, leaving your House is equivalent to being expelled, which would require your wand to be snapped and you would be prohibited from practicing magic ever again. You three were officially re-sorted into this house, so you aren't screwed on that loophole. The headmaster hopes to convince the Sorting Hat to re-sort you all, but I doubt that headwear will go along with it. If it doesn't, we would look towards changing the school by-laws and Ministry laws, but those changes would not take effect until the next school year at the earliest. For now, for the sake of the First Years, you get to lead and guide and protect them as if your future's depend on it, because if you slack off I'll make my personal mission to stupify any dreams you have for after Hogwarts."
"I'll try my best," Tonks shrugged. Being a now-former Hufflepuff herself, caring for the younger years was part and parcel of the school year, but her methods had always been more 'big sister' than 'authority figure'. "What about house points, uniform colors, house animal, all that?"
"And Quidditch?" Gemma added with an obsessive gleam in her eye.
"All excellent questions," Babbling deflected. "And we'll address them in due time. I'll see what I can figure out this week, and we'll decide that together later. Anything else that can't wait until tomorrow?"
The three teenagers shook their heads negatively, to which Babbling thanked/threatened them one last time and retreated to her room. The newly appointed Prefects of Awsome House of Harem looked at each other with uncertainty before Penelope broke the silence.
"What was the big question?" she asked.
"What?" Gemma spoke.
"Before, when we were eating, Tonks said we were missing the big question. What was the big question?"
"Oh, that," Tonks shrugged before smiling lasciviously. "We're in the Awesome House of Harem. But, to whom does the Harem belong? If we're all in a harem, who's harem is it? Because looking at the makeup of the group right now, whoever it is, is into some kinky stuff. It'll be years before any of them get the benefits of a harem, by which time we'll be gone."
The three laughed together, but the question wiggled into their minds and wouldn't leave.
"Who said it's just one harem?" Gemma countered, embracing the line of questioning as she suspected they weren't the only ones in the castle to be asking that question. Her former housemates would be plotting to use her new allegiance against her, and she needed to decide how to counter it.
"Good question," Tonks complemented with a tilt of her head. "There could be a harem for each year. If we had more students our age, we could have a giant orgy and see who comes out on top for our harem."
"Who said we had to have more?" Gemma challenged looking Tonks straight in her eyes. Being overly sexually aggressive would be an effective counter to the inevitable lewd remarks coming from the other houses, though that strategy might backfire spectacularly if they were into that sort of thing.
"Sorry to interrupt, but you can delve into that later on your own time," Penelope cut in. "As prefects, we have a responsibility to our housemates, and that involves work and discipline and schedules."
"Yes Mistress Penelope," Tonks taunted saucily, her eyes still locked onto Gemma's in a battle for domination. "Do we get spankings if we're bad Prefects?"
"No," snarled Penelope menacingly, her ire raised at their disrespect to the position she had worked so hard for yet was just handed to them. "If you are bad prefects, I will take your wand and shove it up your arse and summon a horde of gerbils in your large intestine. Now, whatever games you want to play, do it later. We have real work to do tonight. Each of us is from a different house, which means we each have different expectations, customs, and understandings as to how things work. We need to figure all of that out, and figure it out quickly because we have fourteen kids that need our guidance right now."
"Right," Tonks spoke contritely. "Work now, build unresolved sexual tension later."
"In Slytherin, we have many customs that we keep private from other houses," Gemma began. "If we're going to mix everything together, we'll need to come to an understanding that anything I share will remain in strict confidence."
"We should probably have some privacy too," Tonks added before standing up and looking around.
When she saw Harry Potter, Daphne Greengrass, Susan Bones, and Hermione Granger all together with their textbooks out, she made her way over to them, Gemma and Penelope following hesitantly. When she spoke to the four first years, she spoke loud enough that the entire room could hear.
"You four, keep an eye on the rest. Us more mature women are going to my room to . . . privately discuss private matters. Come get us if you need us, but it might take a few minutes for us to answer the door, depending on how clothed we are. In case the walls are thin, ignore any sounds you might hear."
Without waiting for questions or comments, Tonks grabbed the other two prefect's hands and dragged them to the corridor of bedrooms. Not even the non-verbal threat of inflicting massive amounts of pain Penelope's face was sending Tonks the entire way could dampen Tonks' pride in her prank. She was pretty sure at least one of the first years sprouted a nosebleed or fainted, but she couldn't be certain. If the first years were in this house, they'd have to get used to the tauntings that would ineviatebly come with being in the Harem house.
"Was that some strange Hufflepuff thing, spouting off about being naked like that?" Penelope growled.
"Nope," Tonks smiled back. "Just assuring us some privacy while we do exactly what I said. If you want to get down to your underwear to start a sexy naked pillow fight, it'll have to wait until after we figure out this prefect stuff. You should be more responsible, Penny. We have prefect duties to perform."
Peneople's scream of frustration was completely misinterpreted by most of the students in the common room of the Awesome House of Harem.
"That was awkward," Susan stammered as the scream from the hall of bedrooms, which had silenced the entire common room, trailed off.
"Not particularly," Daphne commented, flipping her Transfiguration textbook to the next page. "That scream was of frustration, not satisfaction. Satisfaction would have a different timbre, closer to a scream of non-lethal pain."
"You can tell the difference between different screams?" Susan asked, wide eyed.
"Can't you?" Daphne retorted. "I guess not all tutors are equally proficient in teaching."
"I hardly think anyone else's tutor's got into scream timbres," Susan shot back.
"Mine did," Harry slowly raised his hand. He thought back to some impromptu 'acting' classes Uncle Clayface gave him and Dudley during their 4th grade production of Hansel and Gretel. He insisted they produce the perfect terrified scream for when they were captured by the witch. When his moms had gotten back from their date, he and Dudleyhad hoarse throats from all the practice. To his uncle's credit, their screams during the play were magnificent.
"Self-taught," admitted Hermione. "Helped me to become less socially awkward."
"Should, should I study up on that?" Susan asked, suddenly very nervous.
"We can help you learn," Harry assured her before turning the page of his own textbook. "Found it. 'Flintifors can be used on animate and inanimate objects, as long as the mass is within the range of tolerance.' Hermione was right."
Daphne read the passage Harry had found three times before giving a conciliatory huff. They continued quizzing each other for the next hour, when Harry let out a yawn. By silent agreement, they started gathering their things while chatting about what classes might be like the next day.
As Harry sat down at the desk in his room to write his letter home, he thought about how much fun he was having. Friends, acquaintances, allies, and juicy gossip, plus Dumbledore wasn't an enemy, yet. Hopefully, tomorrow would be just as great as today.