Summary: Hartley has learned through life repeatedly not turning out how he wants that 'perfect' is more pipe dream than reality. Wait for the perfect moment too long and life will pass a person by. But it seems maybe Caitlin Snow hasn't quite figured that one out yet.
(Or Caitlin and Hartley finally figure out their personalities clash because they're too much alike.)
Notes: I did not expect to be doing a follow up story to "A Good Sign" but here we are. There may be another one where Hartley and Cisco discuss why they've both learned ASL and finally have a first date. But I don't expect the series to go any further than that.
(Doesn't Have To Be) Perfect
Hartley poked at his lunch and sighed. His lack of appetite lately was one of the many side effects of the stomach ulcer that was making his life hell lately. At least he wasn't experiencing that lingering sense of nausea that had plagued him through most of his week off from work. Relaxing wasn't an easy thing to do when one's stomach was giving itself acid burns. (Or felt like it, anyway.)
He did seem to be recovering fairly well and, despite a stressful first day back at work, Hartley's workload wasn't as overwhelming as it used to be. In part because some of it was being shifted to Ronnie Raymond and some of it Harrison was picking up himself. And in part because Cisco Ramon, the new miracle worker Harrison had hired, was plowing through problems in projects like fixing design flaws was no big deal. Harrison had said Cisco would bring three projects to early completion in three weeks and Hartley suspected it'd be more like four projects instead.
That Cisco was easy on the eyes and knew some basic ASL - and was picking up more incredibly quickly - were definite bonuses that made Hartley feel downright cheerful around the new hire.
Unfortunately for Hartley, today Ronnie was taking Cisco through his first pipeline tour, since Cisco had just qualified for access there. While Hartley was Cisco's manager - for the moment, anyway; when Ronnie was officially promoted, then Cisco would report to Ronnie, though he'd still be working primarily on Hartley's projects - Ronnie was doing all the intake work with Cisco. He got Cisco set up with a workspace, laptop, and network access the Friday before Hartley came back to work and this week had been working with Cisco in the mornings to get all his physical building access checks in place. There were a lot of safety guidelines that had to be followed for the different labs and the pipeline and things like the code of conduct and the like that required Cisco to complete a bunch of interactive tutorials before he got access granted.
Hartley would get Cisco in the afternoons for the fun stuff - and Hartley getting to be the fun boss? That was a novel experience - and seeing Cisco plow through things that gave even Hartley pause was just... kind of inspiring to watch. Hartley's ego smarted a bit on occasion, with the realization that Cisco was just so much smarter than him, but not so much that he couldn't appreciate and accept Cisco's unique way of tackling engineering problems. And if Hartley was finding Cisco's intelligence as attractive as his kindness and cute hair, well...
Hartley wasn't going to say anything as long as he was Cisco's manager. But once he wasn't anymore and it was somewhat less likely to generate lots of HR paperwork if Cisco said yes... Hartley hoped to successfully ask Cisco out on a date. He also hoped, by then, that his health wouldn't be feeling quite so crappy.
It'd be nice to be able to enjoy cuddling with someone again. Hartley's missed being able to just... curl up in someone's arms and doze there, enjoying the sensation of being held. Especially in the middle of his health issues. When WebMD had him scared he might have cancer or when he had to get an endoscopy procedure without anyone to take care of him afterwards... it would have been nice to have someone hold him while he cried. Weighted blankets just did not compare. And it certainly wasn't something he'd ask of Harrison, no matter how close of a friend Hartley counted the man.
But the worst of it all was over now.
Caitlin sat down across from him at the break room table with her own lunch and muttered something. Possibly to him, but Hartley couldn't hear her if she was talking to him. He'd been having more tinnitus issues lately, in part because of all his stress headaches. It wasn't too bad today, but enough that Caitlin Snow's quiet voice was completely lost to him.
"I can't hear you when you mumble, Snow," Hartley told her. "So if you were just saying something to me, I have no idea what it was."
She looked at him, expression startled and perhaps a bit doubtful. Her lips were pursed and, as always, Caitlin Snow radiated disapproval at Hartley. They'd made bad first impressions on each other - Hartley being curt and rude and Caitlin being passive aggressive in return. They'd never really improved on those impressions either, but then they so rarely needed to interact. Harrison kept Hartley mostly on accelerator or sound related projects, since Hartley'd become fascinated by how sound worked during his masters degree program.
While getting his PhD, Hartley'd experimented with the possibility of creating charged sound. He'd gotten close and while the experiment was ultimately a failure, Hartley'd come very close to succeeding. So close that writing up his thesis on the process was still ground breaking enough to warrant being granted his doctorate. In fact, Hartley was recognized as the foremost expert on the theory of charged sound at the moment. But while there were potential medical applications, none of STAR Labs current projects in the field of acoustic engineering incorporated charged sound. So there wasn't any crossover between what Hartley worked on and what Snow worked on.
Hartley just raised an eyebrow and, finally munched on his bland sandwich. (Bland so that it wouldn't upset his stomach.) A few bites in, his stomach finally remembered to be hungry and he ate just a little more enthusiastically, having gone back to ignoring Snow when she never said anything. Which was rude, but it wasn't like he really expected politeness towards himself from her.
"I said," Caitlin finally spoke up, voice clearly pitched louder than normal and her enunciation just a little slower and more precise, "that I hope you enjoyed your vacation."
"Not really. But then taking time off for medical reasons usually isn't fun," Hartley replied glibly. When he saw her eyes widen - definitely surprised this time - he said, "it was in the email I sent out. I've been having health problems lately. I took the week off to rest and then I'll be working from home on and off for the next few weeks while my workload is lightened since being under a lot of stress significantly contributed to the whole thing. It's why Harrison's been preparing Ronnie to take over the majority of the personnel management that I do so I can focus more on managing a slightly smaller project load."
"Oh," Caitlin said, which Hartley more saw than heard. "I didn't realize... are you... going to be alright?"
"I've got an ulcer," Hartley replied, fairly certain he hadn't missed anything Snow said, but he couldn't be totally sure. "So not the worst thing and it should heal in a few months. I'll be fine. I just have to establish better work-life boundaries. Try to get better sleep." He shrugged. "Take things easy, which I suck at."
Snow looked amused at that. "You and I both," she agreed.
"Didn't you and Ronnie have your own vacation over the weekend?" Hartley asked. He remembered Harrison mentioning something about it. Snow had taken Friday off but Ronnie had forgotten... Ronnie who had been there to start Cisco's onboarding process on last Friday. Oh... no wonder Snow was in a snit this week.
"We were supposed to, but Ronnie forgotten to put in for the time off until a day or so before and then, well... Dr. Wells insisted he'd be too shorthanded with both Ronnie and you gone that day."
And that explained Caitlin's snippiness towards him in particular. Ronnie should have put his foot down and reminded Harrison that his PTO was his to take whenever he wanted no matter how busy things might be. Something Hartley'd work with him on later. But then Ronnie shouldn't have waited until the last minute to request the time off either.
"So you two lost a day of plans? Sorry, that's too bad," Hartley offered.
Caitlin looked away and said something.
Hartley tried not to make an irritated noise at that. "I couldn't hear that, if it was meant for me."
"The airport where we were planning to go ended up snowed out that evening. We ended up canceling the whole thing. Just another average weekend." And there was something in the way Caitlin said the words that caught Hartley's attention.
"Sounds like it was meant to be more than just a regular vacation. Someone's birthday?" Hartley guessed, though... surely they'd have still celebrated even if they were stuck at home.
"I... planned to propose. But with our plans ruined, I have to try again later."
This time Hartley was the one pursing his lips because... why didn't she just ask anyway? "Okay, so I'd say this would put me at the risk of you thinking I'm an asshole, but I know you already think that of me. So, you know, what's the harm in reinforcing that belief. Why didn't you ask anyway? So what if the plans were ruined? You both clearly want to spend your lives together. A few candles, a nice dinner, a reminder that gender roles for who asks for whose hand in marriage are bullshit, and then you whip out the rings."
"I want everything to be perfect, that's why not," Caitlin retorted hotly.
"If you wait for perfect, life will pass you by." Hartley shrugged. "I've waited for a lot of perfect moments and they never happened. If you want to marry Ronnie, then just tell him. Otherwise he may beat you to it. He's better at spontaneous than you are."
Caitlin's mouth gold fished for a moment. Then, begrudgingly, almost miserably, she agreed, "I'm not good at spontaneity."
"Neither am I. But I have learned that flowers and a romantic setting go a long way with guys too, so..."
"He does love fire lilies," Caitlin mused, thoughtfully.
"Well, your adoring boyfriend has arrived, so time for a conversation shift," Hartley told her, nodding to the break room's open doorway behind Caitlin.
She turned to look over her shoulder as Ronnie and Cisco walked in. Cisco beamed at them - and Hartley told himself it was them and not just him, much as he wished it was - while Ronnie gave them a bemused look.
"How long have the two of you been sitting there? Is this a new record for social interactions without violence for you two?" Ronnie teased.
"Not yet, but getting close." Hartley was a bit surprised to realize his sandwich was gone. When did he finish eating it? Oh well, he still had some nice chips left to crunch on.
A few moments later, Cisco settled beside Hartley at the table while Ronnie sat by Caitlin. It was nice chatting with all of them, even if Hartley did have to ask Caitlin and Ronnie to repeat themselves a few times. Cisco's hands were captivating as he signed... or even when he wasn't signing. Those hands were in constant movement, emphasizing his words, twirling his hair, practically fondling his fork as he ate what smelled like an amazingly delicious rice dish that was probably too spicy for Hartley's stomach to handle anymore. (Hartley's love affair with spicy Thai had probably also contributed to his stomach issues, but oh how he missed it. Not that what Cisco was eating was Thai food... but the craving was definitely there for him now anyway. It was going to be a long several months, that was for sure.)
"So what perfect moment were you waiting for that you missed out on instead?" Snow asked curiously, when she poked her head into Hartley's office later. "Oh... heading home early?"
Hartley looked up from where he was packing up his laptop. "I've got meetings from 3:30 to 6 that I can take from home. So why not take them from home?" He shrugged. "Cisco's settled in for making another minor miracle happen and would have to be reaching out to Ronnie for anything while I'm in meetings anyway." Hartley shook his head ruefully. "And to think I doubted Harrison when I came back to find he'd hired a junior engineer instead of a senior one. I may not be able to toss any of meetings Cisco's way while he still dresses like every day's casual Friday, but it is unreal just how brilliant he is."
"And you have a crush on him," Caitlin said knowingly.
Blushing, Hartley scowled at her. "Not so long as I'm in his direct reporting chain I don't," he retorted.
"Fair enough," Caitlin allowed, before returning to her initial question. "Seriously. What perfect moment were you waiting for that you missed out on? Or is that too personal for me to be asking?"
"Well, I mean the obvious one is that I waited for the perfect moment to tell my parents that I'm gay before, finally, realizing that it didn't matter when or how I told them because I already knew their prejudices mattered to them more than their children," Hartley drawled. "Though it has little relevance to your situation. Waited for the right moment to ask my ex to move in with me only for him to break up with me because he got a job offer out of town and didn't feel like our relationship was going anywhere. The very night I was going to finally ask him to move in, too, so if I'd just gone for it before that... maybe he'd have stayed. Or maybe he'd have still ditched me for the job. I'll never know because I kept procrastinating for so long that... I ran out of time."
"Ouch." Snow hesitated, then pointed out, "he could have asked you, though. To move in together. If he wanted the relationship to go somewhere, it was much up to him to make the changes necessary to do that as it was you."
"Being more invested in my relationships - family, friendships, dating... it is kind of a recurring theme for me," Hartley admitted. They might not get along, but Caitlin wouldn't use this information to hurt him so... it was safe enough to tell her.
"I know how that feels. My mom checked out after my dad died and... eventually I got the hint that she wasn't interested in being there when I needed her anymore and stopped reaching out. And I've had so many friends lose touch because they're too busy with their romantic relationships to remember to bother with making time for friends anymore... Ronnie's the first person to make me feel like I get what all the fuss about romance is for and I know he's as invested as I am but I'm still... I'm still afraid that it looks that way to me because I want it to be that way so badly."
Commitment was a scary thing to people who were afraid they were unlovable. A sentiment that Hartley decided is probably better left unsaid. Caitlin was right, though. About Chip. He could have asked Hartley to move in together, but instead he acted like the whole thing was on Hartley that their relationship wasn't progressing at whatever pace Chip had in mind. It takes as many people to make a relationship work as there are people in the relationship.
"Come on. We're going to talk to Harrison."
"What?!" Caitlin practically yelped the word and Hartley had to work not to snicker at sudden shrillness
"He ruined your weekend surprise. It's only fair he helps you try again," Hartley told her. "Okay?"
Snow nodded jerkily. "Uh, yeah. Sure."
"I don't have to if you don't want me to," Hartley said, wondering if he'd miscalculated in his offer. Social situations were... tricky and past experience told Hartley that Caitlin Snow's expectations for socializing were different from his. Similar though they were - perhaps more similar than Hartley'd previously realized - their differences were stark contrasts, and clashes.
"I do. I'm just surprised. That you're offering to help."
Hartley raised an eyebrow. "I am capable of being nice sometimes, you know."
"No. I mean, yes. But that's not..." Caitlin huffed in frustration. "I was upset about my weekend trip with Ronnie not happening. And I've been extra grumpy with you as a result because..."
"Because if I hadn't taken time off then Harrison wouldn't have insisted Ronnie not take off Friday?" Hartley filled in gently.
"I'm sorry," Snow blurted out.
It's not really a surprise, to be honest. Once he knew she'd been planning to propose to Ronnie, it all just sort of clicked into place why she'd been so tetchy all week.
"Let me be the first person you tell when Ronnie says yes and we'll call it even," Hartley told her.
Caitlin nodded, hard. "Alright," she promised, smiling.
Hartley negotiates a half-week off for Ronnie and Caitlin, to happen the week after Ronnie's training course completed. Caitlin is left in surprised awe - or at least what Hartley thinks is surprised awe - given the tone of voice she uses when she tells him she had no idea anyone could get away with talking to Dr. Wells like that.
More people needed to remember Harrison was still just a person, not some scientific demi-god. Honestly, if more people called Harrison out on his bullshit it'd make Hartley's position as both friend and employee to the man so much easier.
At any rate, Hartley heads home glad that at least someone was going to be having a nice vacation sometimes soon. He'd have to take off more time when he was feeling better. Actually do more than sleep and read and play video games this time. Visit the theater, maybe. It'd been too long since he'd last been to see a play and even longer since he'd found one with a shadow cast, but there was supposed to be one in a few months that he wanted to watch.
And who knew. Maybe Hartley'd be able to take Cisco to see it with him.
Though it seemed Caitlin took Hartley's advice about not putting things off waiting for unattainable perfection. Because Saturday night there's a text on Hartley's phone that says 'he said yes' with way too many exclamation points and fireworks emojis. Hartley replies with wineglasses toasting and the words 'I told you he would'. And he's smug about it, of course. But Hartley thinks he earned that.