The gang's thoughts on Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li:
DISCLAIMER:
WARNING! ~ As with my last story, this merely a parody-fic, it is NOT meant to be taken seriously, Street Fighter fans. As established, I hate Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li with a burning passion, it's safe to say that I will NEVER forgive it as a movie, it truly is (in my book), one of the WORST movies ever made and of all time! That said, enjoy reading this parody-fic, and of course… Vaya con Dios, Michael Clark Duncan (the man who played Balrog in the movie). We will NEVER forget you.
ROUND 2! REVIEW!
Chun-Li's House
Beijing, China
—
Monday of July 6th, 2009:
5:30 PM
To say that Chun-Li was the best of her class as a police officer for Interpol, would be a gross understatement. One day, while relaxing after a hard and brutal case she just solved, she got a call on her cell phone. The caller ID showed the familiar skull with wings. To Chun-Li, that meant one thing: Shadaloo.
Answering her phone, Chun-Li asked, "How did you get my number, Bison?"
On the other end, the famous warlord and dictator replied, "Let's just say that I know people."
"Anyway, what is it you want?"
To which M. Bison replied, "I'm calling because you and some of our friends are invited for special… shall we say, occasion?"
"Is this like that one occasion where we watched our first live-action movie?" Chun-Li wondered.
"It is indeed," the leader of Shadaloo replied, "And as with last time, I can promise you that I do not intend to possess you or anyone else's body or destroy the world… for now."
"You promise there are no tricks?" the Interpol detective asked, despite her reservations.
"None whatsoever," M. Bison confirmed. "So, I'll be seeing you soon?"
There was a long pause, but Chun-Li ultimately, albeit reluctantly, agreed.
"I'll be there."
"Good," said the fiendish maniac, "I'll see you all when you and your friends arrive."
* PAGE BREAK *
Later on, that same day, everyone had arrived in M. Bison's Shadaloo base. They all gathered around his big screen TV and waited for the man himself to arrive. The leader of Shadaloo descended down the stairs, with popcorn and drinks in hand enough for everyone, which he passed down to his guests.
When that was done, he spoke to his guests in a microphone.
"First off, I want to thank you all for coming all the way out here to my base. And secondly, you all know why we're here…"
M. Bison cleared his throat and held in his hand a DVD case containing the other live-action Street Fighter movie he had spoken about to everyone earlier that same day.
"I have here a copy of Hollywood's other attempt at adapting us into a live-action movie."
"Ooh," went the fighters.
"Like last time, we are going to watch it, we will be hospitable to each other. And once we are done with it, we will give our 25 cents as to what we thought about it, just to share with our fans, and then, you will be allowed to leave afterwards." There was a brief silence, "As promised, I assure you that I have there are no false promises, no plans for world domination, no nothing. Just us hanging out. Agreed?"
All the fighters, and then some, agreed as M. Bison then placed the DVD disc in his DVD player. He then started up the movie then he and all the fighters then took their seats to brace themselves for what was to come. Would this film be better than the last film that came out in 1994, or would it be far far worse? That was something only time would tell.
– Insert cue card here… –
SpongeBob SquarePants French narrator (O.S.): 1 hour and 36 minutes later…
– End cue card here–
There was a very long pause before anyone spoke aloud to break the ice.
"Well, everyone?" M. Bison said in the microphone. "What did you all think of the movie?"
Being the first to go, as well as being the focus of the movie, Chun-Li replied the following…
"This monstrosity makes our previous movie from '94 look like gold."
Balrog, who had been working on his anger and had therapy for some time, finally caved in.
"You've fucked me up again, Hollywood! Do it again, I won't be so forgiving next time as I was towards the last movie!"
If Vega didn't mind the last movie, it was safe to say he didn't like this one any better.
"Compared to the original film, this film is absolutely hideous, especially with what they did to me!"
Safe to say, M. Bison was very pissed.
"Raúl Juliá must be turning in his grave, he can be grateful he wasn't in this adaptation!"
* PAGE BREAK *
Charlie Nash, Guile's best friend and Chun-Li's partner who helped her out on solving cases time after time spoke up. He had heard of the previous movie and watched it whenever he had down time.
"I can see why Guile was upset about the last movie… However, I think that this one is far worse!"
Gen, Chun-Li's sensei and master had his hand embedded in head. He was clearly in pain.
"This film doesn't deserve to live!"
Rose, was busy shaking her head in agony. Doubtless to say, she was not impressed.
"Mio Dio… For Heaven's sake, I'm Bison's enemy, not his daughter!"
Crimson Viper, who had heard that the character Maya Sunee either replaced her, or was a version of her, was not impressed.
"I'm not amused… That's all I have to say!"
For reasons of pure interest and curiosity, not mention the fact that he heard a rumor that he was indirectly mentioned in this movie, Ryu was at Shadaloo as a guest.
"Just when I thought the previous film had it bad… Hell, I'm not even in this movie, they only say my name!" He then rolled his eyes. "And my name is pronounced 'ree-you', Hollywood, not 'rye-you'!"
With everyone's feedback gathered, the gang knew their time in Shadaloo was done. They then thanked M. Bison for inviting them over. As everyone went on their way back home or wherever they came from, only one thing was on their minds: Would Hollywood, or anyone out there, ever make a good Street Fighter movie that was as great as their anime movies?
That was a question, hopefully, only time would tell tell.
THE END!
Well, there you have it, folks! Let me know what you thought of this parody-fic and leave your comments in the comments section. And remember, don't take this story too seriously as it's a parody. If you people wanna see a good Street Fighter movie, check out some of the anime movies, as well as the work known as Street Fighter: Assassin's Fist, those are much better and stronger adaptations of the source material.
* Street Fighter, its characters and everything else are owned and © by Capcom.
* Meanwhile, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is owned and © by 20th Century Fox.
That being said, until the next story, I am M. R. Parkerson signing off and thanks for reading…