AN: Thank you for the reviews. See you all again Wednesday.
The silence that drags between them now is different. Even though their relationship has always been for show, she knew she could at least talk to Tobias. Their shared goal of bringing Jeanine down has always weighed on them, but lighter things like discussing their days, phone calls with Caleb or even just the mundane tasks of chores around their shared apartment were different.
When she came home last night after the surprise meeting with Jeanine, she finally told him the whole truth about Eric, just like she had told them she would. She started it gently, reminding Tobias of their shared upbringing and how difficult it had been for her to let her walls down for someone. She was honest when she told him her walls weren't completely down, but that she had genuine feelings for their co-leader, and that this wasn't just a physical need that she was experiencing.
He didn't take it well.
Tobias doesn't have romantic feelings for Tris at all, he's been in love with Caleb Prior since he was fifteen and Caleb thirteen, but Tris has been his best friend for even longer and she's an important part of his life. She's one of the strongest and most determined people he's ever known, and she's not known to be prone to distraction.
The first time he had learned that she had sex with Eric was through one of his coworkers in the control room. He was embarrassed by her loss of control; he never expected her to be faithful to a fake relationship but he also never expected her to be so public, nor so reckless in her choice of partners.
Tobias had watched Eric for years from his post in the control room, and there was nothing about the other man he could find himself to actually like. While he did seem to have broken any lingering loyalties to his home faction, he was also extremely hungry to become their factions next leader.
Tobias had abused his access to listen to many conversations between their head leader Max, and who he was grooming to be his eventual replacement Eric. Through the eavesdropping he did, he learned that Max did have a partnership with Jeanine, and while she hadn't completely exposed her plans with Max the same way she had with Tris, she had shared enough for Max to agree to work with her.
It was something he was hiding from everyone, except Eric. Tobias would watch as the two leaders had meetings, listening intently when Max would share a little more with his youngest leader, doing his best to convince Eric that Divergents were a threat to their city.
When Tris told him that Eric was also Divergent, he didn't believe her, even after she said she knew for sure.
He questioned her feelings, and seemed to get angry when she couldn't give a satisfactory answer.
"Do you love him?" He asked.
"How do I know? I've never felt anything like this before, Tobias." She sighed.
"I need to know you're not taking these types of chances with someone just for sex, Tris. You're asking to bring someone in to our plans who has repeatedly shown he will do anything it takes to rise to the top. Eric wants to be the head leader of this faction. Have you ever thought he will use you to get what he wants? If this is just sex, you're going to expose us for nothing."
"He's not using me Tobias, I would know if he was. It's not just sex. I want him, not just what he makes me physically feel. I want to be with him." She replied.
"Is he making you do this?" He asked.
"No. When I told him I've never been in control of my own decisions, he backed off. He told me that I made all of the decisions from here on."
He shakes his head angrily, "That is NOT Eric Coulter. Tris, he's playing you, period. How can you be so stupid?" He'd asked angrily.
"I know him-"
"No, you fucking don't. I've been here with him two years longer, you only know what he wants you to know." He replies.
"That's not true, he lets me see who he really is." She argues.
"Really, Tris? Has he told you about anyone else he's dealt with in Erudite?" He bit back and before she could say another word he'd stomped off and slammed their bedroom door behind him, ending any further conversation.
She didn't go to their bed last night, she didn't feel she could share a platonic bed with Tobias anymore now that her feelings for Eric were starting to be exposed. She's on their couch, after having barely slept at all last night. She pretends to be asleep to avoid Tobias as he moves in the dark of the early morning hour, and when the apartment door shuts quietly she opens her eyes and grabs her phone from the coffee table, squinting at the sudden intrusion from the bright light of her phone screen.
She checks the time and sees it's only a little before three AM. She has several missed texts from Eric. Her conversation with Tobias last night took her full attention, and she feels horrible when she realizes she completely ignored Eric after that incredibly difficult meeting.
She sends him a simple text, telling him that she's sorry. She's surprised when the phone rings, especially since it's barely three AM.
"How'd it go?" He asks. She can tell he's still in bed, hearing the sleep in his voice and his sheets rustling around him.
"Can I come over?" She asks quietly.
"You never have to ask."
He gives her the code and tells her to let herself in. She doesn't change out of the oversized sweats, she doesn't bother with a bra or even shoes, padding the short distance down the hall between their apartments until she gets to Eric's. She lets herself in and quietly closes the door behind her, taking in his surprisingly neat apartment. It's larger than the one she shares with Tobias, and she hears him coming down the hallway, also dressed for bed in loose sweatpants and a tank top.
"I'm sorry for waking you." She says.
"I'm not. Lay down with me?" He asks and she nods. He takes her hand in his and leads her down the hall.
His bedroom is also neat, with the exception of his bed with its rumpled covers and many pillows. She crawls in with him following her, and she snuggles into his natural warmth.
"He's not happy it's you. He doesn't trust you." She finally says once she's settled against his side with her head on his chest.
"I've given him no reason to." Eric replies.
She turns her head so she can look up at him, "What do you mean?"
"Max is going to be a problem, Tris." He says quietly.
"How?" She asks.
"Jeanine's never told you that Max is her ally?" He asks.
Tris sits up in the bed, turning fully so she can look at Eric, "No. Never." She shakes her head.
"Max isn't exactly transparent with me either, but he makes it clear that we are here to keep Jeanine happy and on our side." He replies.
"Had he ever elaborated on what that even means?" She asks and he shakes his head side to side.
"No. Although, if I were to give him any indication that I'm willing to give Jeanine a chance, he may. I've never been receptive when it comes to her, I've questioned his decisions when it comes to supporting her, he just knows I'm not a fan."
"You can't change that overnight, but I can let him know somehow that I'd be receptive." Tris replies, "I think he makes us work together to test my loyalty too."
"Or to sway me." Eric sits completely. "Fuck, how did I not see that? He knew we'd had sex, he knew that was what led me to that fight with Four, and he still forced me to work with you. He's testing me Tris, he's put you with me thinking you would sway me."
"Jeanine." Tris says her name angrily.
"She's manipulating us both." He finishes for her, "Come here, please?" He opens his arms and she crawls up his body and into his lap, "I don't want to talk about her, or Max, or Four. I want to talk about you. I want to talk about you being in my apartment, in my bed. I want to feel this and not the heavy shit outside right now."
"We have to talk about it, Eric." She argues.
"Fine. What did he say to you?" Eric asks evenly.
"He thinks you're playing me." She says quietly once she's wrapped in his strong arms.
"How?"
"He says your main focus has been rising through the ranks here." She replies.
"He's right about that. I do want to rise through the ranks. Max's time is short, and his leadership is stale." Eric agrees.
"He thinks me telling you about Jeanine means you're going to use it to further your career." She says quietly. She leans back so she can look into his eyes.
"I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't thought about it. I think Jeanine is crazy, but I've not thought she had enough support to actually be dangerous. Knowing she thinks you, Four and Caleb are working with her, and I have my suspicions that Max is working with her as well, I've thought about a way to bring you all down. I can't do it to you though, Tris. Maybe I'm a fool for it, but I can't let you get hurt in all of this."
"Why?" She asks.
"Because I've grown to care about you, deeply." He replies without meeting her eyes.
"Do you love me?" She asks suddenly.
"Wow...that was direct...and unexpected." He sputters.
"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." She sighs, "I've never been in love before, I have no idea how it's supposed to feel. I don't have any healthy relationships to compare anything we have to. We don't even have a relationship." She shrugs.
"You are here, no one else ever has been. All of the firsts you've had with me, I'm having my own with you. What we have is new to me too." He replies softly, "If you want a relationship, we can have one. When you told me that you've never been able to make your own decisions, that hit me. I don't want to force your hand, and I know I've tried to. This is whatever you want it to be, Tris."
"I think that I'm falling in love with you and it scares me to admit that to you, but I need you to know that what we have between us is so much more than the situation I'm in." She whispers.
"The situation we're in Tris. You're not alone in this. Whatever we have to do to stop this shit with Jeanine, we do it."
She loops her arms around his shoulders and plays with the curls at the nape of his neck, "Even if that means working with Tobias and Caleb."
"Whatever we have to do. If I go against them, I go against you. That's not an option for me." He replies.
"What do we do?" She asks.
"We will talk to them. I'm in, I promise you that. We need sleep, Tris, come on." He says softly.
They move to lie down again, Tris snuggles against his side and listens to the sound of his heart. He realizes that she's asleep, and he smiles briefly. Tris is the first woman he's had in his apartment, or his bed, and even though the idea of a committed relationship is almost foreign to him he feels a strange sense of peace.
"The answer to your question is yes." He whispers before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and closing his own eyes to rest.
The bed is cozy, but empty when she wakes up. She rolls over to where Eric was previously laying beside her and feels his warmth, realizing he must have just left the bed.
"I tried not to wake you." He says as he walks back into the room.
"What time is it?" She asks and he checks his watch.
"Just past eight. Max is out of the office this morning, as long as we're down there before he gets back we should be fine. We both needed sleep after last night." He says as he passes her a cup of coffee.
"I have to go home and get clothes." She frowns.
"How bad is it between the two of you?" Eric asks and she shakes her head slowly.
"I honestly don't know. He thinks of me as an extension of his family. Caleb, he and I grew up together, he's a brother in every sense of the word to me. His friendship means a lot to me." She replies.
"I know that it does."
"I love him, just the same way I love Caleb. The two of them are all I had before you. The thought of losing that bond, it hurts, but I also know that this needed to happen." She continues.
"Tris, I know yesterday I gave you an ultimatum, and I'm sorry."
"You have no reason to apologize. I've not been very fair to you thus far, and it certainly wasn't fair to bring you into Jeanine's meeting the way that I did. I blindsided you, and you had every reason to question the validity of my feelings for you. Eric, you make me feel different." She says, and she stops talking suddenly.
"How do I make you feel different?" He asks.
"You're going to think it's ridiculous."
"Try me." He prompts her.
"I'm ashamed." She whispers and looks away.
He tilts her chin up, "Please tell me."
"I was raised to believe my body was sinful, and that my desires as a woman were ungodly and immoral. Natalie didn't just make me hide the physical parts of me, she made me suppress any thoughts of pleasure or desire. She made me believe that sex was only for creating life, and that no woman should desire the touch of a man. When I first opened up to Jeanine about how confused I felt, she helped me to see what a hypocrite that Natalie is. She told me about Natalie sleeping with my father outside of marriage, which resulted in her pregnancy with Caleb. Natalie didn't want to leave Dauntless, but when she found out my father had no intention on choosing Dauntless to be with her she agreed to go to Abnegation with him so that he could chase his own dreams of being the head of the city government. She gave up everything for him, and part of me thinks that her regret of giving up her Dauntless life made her resent the recklessness I always had."
"You're afraid of letting yourself go. Of actually feeling something." He says and she nods her head.
"I've never been allowed to just feel."
"I can't change what they did. I fucking wish that I could, Tris. I can tell you that there's nothing wrong with feeling something. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look, you are breathtaking. I love the way you make me feel, when we're together, the way you can't seem to get enough, that's such a turn on Tris. There's nothing wrong with the things that we do, regardless if we are in a defined relationship or not." He says.
"What if I wanted a defined relationship." She counters.
"Then we define it."
"What about you, Eric? What do you want?" She asks.
"You, only you." He replies firmly.
"Eric, I think I'm in love with you, and it scares me." She says quietly.
"I know that I'm in love with you, and knowing that you feel the same takes all of the fear I had about that away." He replies.
"How?"
"It's been weird." He chuckles and she furrows her brow at him, "I've been having sex with someone else's girlfriend. He's now my coworker. I've been warned by my boss not to let this interfere with my job. I've tried like hell to stay away from you, and I couldn't, because I realized I would be willing to take whatever you could give just to be close to you. Somehow along all of that, I realized I'm in love with you, and it's not the sex that keeps me here. It's you. We can figure this out, if you're willing."
"I am."
He accompanies her to her apartment so she can shower and change her clothes. He uncomfortably sits in the living room while she gets ready, looking around at his surroundings. Their apartment is smaller than his, and when she came in and immediately folded a blanket from the couch and placed it on a pillow, he realized she hadn't shared Four's bed last night.
He doesn't want her here at all, but he knows in order to truly make this new relationship work he needs to let her set the pace. He can hear the keypad beeping and when the door opens it's the last person he wants to see.
"Why are you in my apartment?" Four asks angrily.
"I'm in Tris' apartment." He answers firmly.
"You need to leave. This is my apartment and I don't want you in it." Four replies.
"This is my apartment. I received it when I became a leader. So if you want to get technical, I could throw you out of it. We don't need this anger and divisiveness right now, we need to stick together and form a cohesive plan." Tris replies.
"We will continue to work on this, but the two of you will not be parading a fucking relationship around. Jeanine and I had a nice talk this morning, and she understood that this would be just too much for me to lose the love of my life and continue working side by side with you-"
"Tobias, you didn't." Tris says in horror.
"I did, Tris. None of us know if we can actually trust him. If he really cares about bringing Jeanine down, and not just giving himself a one way ticket to head leadership we'll find out." Four replies.
"Why would you do this to her? You supposedly care about her like family, and yet you continue to block her happiness? Why?" Eric asks angrily.
"Because I don't trust you. She's only seen you for the two years she's been here, I had two more to watch you ruthlessly claw your way to the second in command. We both know you'll do anything to get Max's job and now you get to prove what's more important to you - her or your head leadership title."
"Keep fucking with me and you're going to find out." Eric roars as he approaches Four and presses his chest against the other man.
"Eric!" Tris runs towards the two but Eric just pushes by Four and out of the apartment door without a second word.
She opens the door and calls after him, but he continues walking without acknowledging her. She walks back into the apartment and stares at Four.
"What have you done?" She asks.
"Saved you. He's not on our side, and you've just exposed our plan to the wrong person." He replies.
"How do you know? How can you possibly think that you know anything about him?"
"Because Caleb knows the woman that Eric's been sleeping with in Erudite, and she's had him working behind the scenes for Jeanine this entire time, Tris." He finally says and he watches as her face crumbles.