Chapter 3 - Even Worse

They waited a whole week without visiting Canaan. The fever had broken out there too. There was enough to do on the Ranch. The three young men tried to get their minds off their pain with the work at hand. They cleaned the rooms of their fathers and mentors, cared for the animals, cut wood, and tried to keep each other over the surface if one of them threatened to give up again. It worked because they were a unit, a well-trained one always drilled to help one another to get through a problem. The first week came to an end.

Usually, Cole and Daniel would have been in the camp for a few days by now. Their delay would soon cause one of the Absarokee to ride over to check on them.

Cole entered the ranch house, coming from the barn, where he had cared for the animals. Sky danced around his feet, begging for a goodie. He grabbed into his pocket and provided her with one of her precious Beef Jerky. "Here baby, you know this is my last bag," Cole answered his fella and kneeled down to give her soft white fur a rubbing. He turned his face to Daniel who was sitting at the dining table, working on a map of the area. "We should ride today. It's already a week and none of us shows any sign of illness."

Daniel looked up at him. "Yes, I was thinking the same. Shewa would be mad at me if I'll not show up anytime soon. I will prepare the horses for after lunch. Sam already offered to care for the Ranch as long as we are gone. He will ride over to Canaan and meet George. He has to know."

"Alright. I need to do something first." Cole turned on his heels to head outside but Daniel stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"Just need a moment outside to think. It is Sunday by the way, you know where I'm going, don't you? I'm back in an hour then we can eat and leave."

Daniel only nodded and let Cole go without further questioning. Cole was sure Daniel knew where he was heading though he'd never told any of them, it was an open secret. He had no explanation why he still was torturing himself by visiting Carolyn's shrine. The place let him get some peace in a mystical way. At first, he had refused to visit again after he had buried the pendant there but after he had returned from Liberty with Mike, it had become a habit after some weeks back home to visit it every Sunday.

*** The Wild West Triad - prequel ***

Sky had traced an animal trail and was tracking it now around the pond. Cole slowly walked closer to the few stones he had piled into a stack at the spot. The spot was overgrown by some grass now covered with a little bit of snow that had fallen in the night. He hadn't been here for three weeks. They had to care for the Triad and had no time to get their heads straight at that time.

Brushing the snow aside with his gloved hand, he stood there for a minute before the tears dripped from his eyes, melting tiny holes into the thin white sheet. "Hey, Carolyn, that had been some horrible weeks. I don't know what to do next. I try really hard to hold it together for Daniel and Sam but I don't know how long I can do this. God, I wish you were here. I need someone to hold me." Tanner went to his knees hiding his face while he cried for what felt like hours.

A crack in the undergrowth and a 'whoof' from Sky let his head jerk up to the noise. Someone was here. He was quick with tucking his glove under his armpit and pulling his hand out to grab his hunting knife. His view was still blurred by tears and he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. His hunter's senses were at full alarm. "Sky, come here!" He ordered his dog with a suppressed shout.

She instantly ran towards her master and barked like she wanted to tell him who it was. He searched the treeline. Then a lean young man showed up between the naked trees. He guided his horse, a well-known dotted Mustang, toward Cole. His long raven black hair was fussed by the wind. The boy's clothing, decorated with colorful beads, stood out from the still sleeping forest around him like a paradise bird.

Cole's tension lessened and he let out a breath of relief. "Little Crow, what are you doing here?" Hastily he wiped his burning wet eyes before the boy would be at his side and sniveled.

"Cole, we are concerned about where you are. I thought I would take the detour over the pond. I know you come here every Sunday. When I spotted Sky, I knew…" The young Absarokee stopped in the middle of the sentence. He must've seen Cole's distraught state of mind, as well as his eyes puffy from crying. "Brother, what happened?" Little Crow took Cole by the upper arm in concern.

Cole wasn't able to hold it together anymore. He slung his arms around the boy, unable to talk.

"Cole? You're scaring me."

"We lost them all ... our fathers and Bastian. They … died last week." Cole sobbed into the boy's shoulder … we couldn't risk bringing the fever to the camp."

Little Crow held him tight. It felt not like he was comforted by a fourteen-year-old but by a Brother-in-arms. Little Crow had always been special. He had everything a great leader needed. But still, he was a kid. Cole broke the contact to not scare the boy more and looked into his deep brown eyes now wet too. "'m sorry…," Cole whispered.

"I'm sorry too. I already feared something serious had held you back. I have to bring bad news too," Little Crow started talking uneasily. Cole lifted his gaze to the boy again concerned. "Shewa lost the baby again."

Cole had thought it couldn't get worse, but it did. He was sure there was no God or he was a cruel bastard. Daniel would lose his mind over this. He had barely been able to bring his cousin to eat again since that night their fathers had passed away. "God no, what happened?"

"Nothing that would explain it. She got bleeding and Bahena tried everything he knew to get it under control. She sent me to bring Daniel to her."

Cole sank to his knees. Rubbing his hands over his burning eyes, he tried to breathe. This just couldn't be true. Daniel had been so happy when Shewa told him she was pregnant again. His cousin wanted this child. Shewa had already lost one. It had been a hard time for them and they nearly broke up with each other then. What was he supposed to do?

Cole felt Little Crow's hand on his shoulder. "Cole, we're in a deep valley of pain right now we have to find a way out. I know you are strong enough to lead us out of this. You always do. I'll do all that is within my power to help you. Please, I can not tell Daniel this without you."

Tanner lifted his head to look at the boy. "Yeah, yeah, you are right. I'm at your side, don't worry. Are you sure you count only fourteen winters? Because you sometimes talk as wise as your father."

Little Crow gave him a weak smile. On a better day, the boy would have laughed and might have teased Cole for calling him wise or old but it was not a better day. It was a day that would get even worse, Cole was sure of this. But still, the boy was right, they had to find a way out. He didn't believe he knew how but everyone seemed to think he did.

Tanner sighed and got up. "Let's ride to the Ranch, Daniel is already preparing the horses. We had planned to ride to the camp today. No one of us had gotten ill so we thought it was safe now."

*** The Wild West Triad - prequel ***

It was already noon, where the hell was Cole? Daniel didn't want to get into the night during the long ride over to the Absarokee. If they would not leave soon they had a good chance. Daniel had prepared his horse and even packed his and Cole's saddlebags and bedrolls. He was about to double-check everything when he heard Sky barking. "Finally!", he mumbled. Turning to the arrivals, he spotted Little Crow and wondered.

"Little Crow, what are you doing here?" Daniel asked the kid while he came nearer into the yard. "Hello Daniel." the kid greeted him, trying to avoid a direct answer, and quickly gave Cole a pleading gaze. Daniel realized that something must have happened at the camp. "What's wrong? Is Shewa ok, the baby?" The words were barely out as Cole was at his side, grabbing Daniel's shoulders.

"Daniel, listen to me…" Cole began.

"What! Tell me! I need to know." Daniel felt his body tense.

"Shewa lost the baby," Cole told him right out, keeping him from falling with his firm grip.

Daniel hadn't thought it possible but he felt his heart aching even worse. The bad news ripped his entire being apart. Barely noticing his knees connecting with the hard ground of the yard, he lost all track of time. The young man hardly felt his cousin slowing down his fall. He only was able to whisper a faint 'no', caught in his own hell of grief where he didn't find a way out.

He felt endlessly guilty. He should have been in the camp for over a week. He hadn't been there at his wife's side. Maybe he could have prevented this from happening. Shewa - he had to get to his love as fast as possible. He ordered his body to work and pushed him up to stand. Then he turned to his horse and climbed up without a second glance at his friends and family. "Let's ride, we already have lost enough time here."

He spurred his stallion to a faster pace and didn't care if the others followed him. Daniel's mind drifted only around Shewa and another baby they had lost. Did God hate him? Why did he deny him a little bit of joy and happiness? WHY? Why did God take his father from his side and leave them so alone? What had his unborn child done that god refused him to live even one second?

*** The Wild West Triad - prequel ***

Daniel left them in the yard riding ahead. "Ride with him, Little Crow, I need to tell Sam we're leaving. I will follow you in a minute."

The kid nodded and followed Daniel. Cole sighed and hid his face in his hands. He wasn't able to read his cousin's state of mind but he was sure it was far from good.

Cole didn't need long to catch up with the others, though Daniel set a brisk pace. What even worsened the situation was that none of the man dared to talk during the four hours ride.

In the late afternoon, they reached the few teepees which built the camp. Inviting little wisps of smoke rose from the tents, promising a warm place to stay and a meal. Sky rushed ahead, happily barking when she met the other dogs of the camp.

Cole turned to Daniel who had stayed a few yards behind him for a while. His cousin didn't even seem to notice that they had arrived. He stopped his horse and slid off the saddle to take his cousin's bridle. "Daniel, we're here."

His cousin looked at him as if he had just been back from another dimension. Without a word he got off too and disappeared in the direction of Shewa's teepee.

Cole let his gaze wander over the camp and found Grey Feather standing outside his tent, watching him.

"Can you take care of the horses, buddy? I need to talk to your father." He didn't need an answer from the kid, already heading over to the head of the Absarokee group.

"Cole, I'm glad you two are finally here." Concern flashed over Grey Feather's face as soon as he was able to see Cole's grim expression. "What happened?"

Cole told him everything they had been through over the past few weeks. He saw the hurt in Grey Feather's face when he told him about Wade's death. They had been friends for many years. He hated to be the bearer of bad news but Cole was so grateful when the older hunter took him into a fatherly embrace without many words of sorry. The physical contact opened the gates for his tears and Cole allowed himself finally to break into a father's comfort.

Shouts interrupted them brutally. Shewa screamed like a hurt animal at Daniel. Only seconds later Daniel stumbled out of the tent and started running to the nearby creek to get away from everyone's nosy glances.

"What the hell does that mean?" Cole asked while brushing his tears away with his sleeve. "I'm gonna talk to Shewa."

"Be careful Cole, she was mean to everyone who tried this. She is deeply hurt," Grey Feather told him. "Come into my tent when you two are ready." The big man nodded and vanished into his teepee.

Cole's anger was on the rise. How could Shewa scream at her husband in this situation? He imploringly hoped she hadn't made it even worse.

Without knocking or speaking up he entered his friend's tent. Shewa lay on her bed, averting her gaze from the entrance.

She growled at him. "I told you to leave me alone…"

"You can not do this to him!" Cole made two wide strides and crossed the distance to her. He would not handle her with kid gloves. He knew she was grieving too, but that didn't excuse her screaming at his cousin.

Shewa turned and stared angrily at him. She looked weak and thin. Her eyes were red-rimmed and had nothing of her usual warmness. "Maybe you want to tell me why you came this late because your damn cousin didn't get one word out instead he left like a hit dog."

Cole got angry at her and grabbed her shoulders while he went to his knees next to her bed. "You are not the only one who lost someone, Shewa. Why did you scream at him? We lost our fathers only a week ago and you two lost your baby. What should he say to that? He is as broken as one could be. He needed your comfort, not your anger!"

He read the shock in Shewa's eyes. Hadn't Daniel told her what had held them back? Seemingly not. His cousin honestly hadn't talked much to any of them over the last few days and when he said something it wasn't related to their losses.

"I didn't know…" Shewa placed her hand on Cole's arm and gasped. "Oh, Cole, I'm so sorry. You are in so much pain too."

Cole was always in awe of her ability to read others' feelings. He was glad Grey Feather had spent some comfort or he would have added his whole pain to hers. "I'm so sorry too, Shewa. You and Daniel deserve to be happy, and not to endure that kind of suffering. I know how much you wanted this child."

Shewa nodded but took her hand away. "Tell me what happened and then bring Daniel back to me."

*** The Wild West Triad - prequel ***

Cole knew where to find his cousin but he searched for the right words. Cole saw him sitting on the shore at the slight bend the creek made a few paces out of sight from the camp.

Daniel turned at him but couldn't keep eye contact, averting his gaze quickly again. Cole sat down next to him and just waited.

When Daniel finally started talking, Cole wished he would never have asked him this question.

"Would you kill me if I demanded it from you? I mean if I'm deadly injured or something and you would be sure there is no chance to save me, would you kill me out of mercy?"

"What are you talking about? I would never give up on you. Stop these dark thoughts."

"God, Cole, I can't anymore. It is too much. Just too much. How can this all happen to us? I can't see the light anymore." Daniel pinched his eyes with his thumb and index finger to keep himself from crying again. "Please, deliver me from this pain. I didn't have the strength to do it myself. Daniel handed Cole his knife."

Cole looked quite shocked at the knife. He took it from Daniel's trembling hands. He had never noticed that his cousin had suicidal thoughts. It scared him.

"Shewa can save you from this pain. You need each other now, go back to her, she won't scream at you again. She didn't know what happened."

"You're sure she wants to see me? She was pretty concrete by accusing me of not being there for her when she needed me." Daniel dared to look at him.

Cole brought an arm around him and pulled him in a sideways hug. Daniel let his head sink to Cole's shoulder and Cole was satisfied with the reaction. "Yes, I'm sure. She begged me to bring you back. It will get better, trust me. This feeling will never go away completely but you will be able to live with it. Don't take the easy way out, Brother. I'll always be there for you."

Daniel nodded slightly and began sobbing, still in Cole's embrace. The two young men stayed so for a while until Daniel finally calmed a bit. He watched him get up to wash away the traces of crying with the cool water of the creek. Sighing he turned to Cole again and gave him a scrutinizing gaze.

"By the way, I like the coat on you, reminds me of Mike in a good way."

"Yeah, me too. And this mustache you let grow reminds me of Wade in a good way. Shewa will not let you shave it, she knows why you let it unshaved."

"We'll see, Brother. Bring me back, so I can face my wild cat again."

*** The Wild West Triad - prequel ***

Cole brought Daniel back to Shewa and waited in the entrance until he was sure the two were ok and Shewa's anger was gone. Then he turned to Grey Feather's tent.

They talked about the fever. While telling him the little he knew about the disease, the older hunter's face darkened. Something was bothering him.

"Tell me, Son, how is it possible all three were dying the same night and nearly the same hour. They were strong men, each of them. I can not believe none of them would have survived this, especially for the fact that you younger ones didn't get infected. We're missing something important here. You need to find out if the fever of Canaan is the same as the one that killed the Triad."

Cole began brooding over it. Could it be possible that they weren't just sick but got in contact with something supernatural? Cole felt ashamed, he hadn't even considered that. What if he could have saved them. He felt sick to his stomach and nearly threw up.

They had to research this; he needed to focus on this like a hunt. Daniel would stay here, Shewa needed him and he needed her. He couldn't risk sharing these thoughts with his cousin. Daniel had enough on his mind and if the fever was from a supernatural source, which was not proven right yet, it would change nothing for their fathers anymore. Cole had to be sure before he would talk to Daniel about it.

TBC

A/N: I try to make the next Chapter a bit lighter but I can't promise anything. ;-) Tell me what you think of this. Was it the jump over the shark?