Rocky made sure of two things as he fumbled with his silverware; do not let Skye know about the thoughts inside his head, and two, figure out why now of all times he was even having thoughts about his sexuality. Not that he wasn't surprised that he was struggling, as he had chosen this path. Therapy wasn't an option. And so he would suffer in silence and try and to grip onto something. Anything. He shook his head and looked back at Skye.

The two were at Mr. Porter's for there usual date night; every Saturday as long as no rescues were happening. As of late though, things had gotten more complicated, things became much more difficult to fake and conceal.

"I'll have the petite burger, please," Skye said to Alex, who smiled and wrote it down happily. Next the preteen looked expectantly at Rocky, who was too busy picking the fur out of his arm, his latest compulsion, to decide about what to get. There were burgers, but how fattening were they? Steak? Always a good option. But what cut would be best? And what sides? Oh no, he was taking too long, pick something, anything!

"Rocky?" Skye's eyes were trained on him, filled with worry that dug the bottomless pit of guilt in his stomach deeper and deeper.

Alex was watching him too, tapping his notepad with his pen. Rocky opened his mouth to speak, willed words to come out of his mouth but nothing but his breath escaped his muzzle. His throat felt tight as he hastily looked back down at the menu.

"A burger maybe? You like those," Skye offered, silently enduring the embarrassment. If she was feeling it, she was hiding it well.

"Ya, sure, that's fine." Rocky fumbled with the menu in his paws and handed it to Alex with a small smile. "Thank you."

Alex nodded and told them it would be right out and left to continue on with his night. Was he angry with Rocky? He didn't say thank you back.

Skye busied herself with her silverware in front of her before she met his gaze as he found words more easily. "Thanks," he said, smiling. Skye mirrored his expression and reached out her paws across the table and held onto Rocky's.

"Everything ok, baby?"

Nodding his head, he tried to keep eye contact with her, but it was so awkward. And it was all his fault.

"Just anxious," he said, moving his paws underneath the table so she couldn't see him pull at his fur.

"When do you see Dr. Edwards next?"

Rocky sunk down lower into his chair and tried to avoid her gaze. "Next week."

Skye's hopeful smile dampened, and she looked down at the table, contemplating something. "I know you feel like you can do it on your own, but I think he could help you if you'd let him. He talked to me about a specialist again when you saw him last. And if it worked so well for me than I don't know why you wouldn't try it. And you said it yourself that things are getting harder."

"I don't know, Skye."

The atmosphere, between them at least, grew quiet and Rocky's insecurities grew stronger. "Did you go shopping today? For Chase's gift?"

"Yes, I found him a winter sweater. Everest told me his back feels more comfortable in the cold months when he is warm."

Rocky nodded. "Have you spoken with him today? How did he seem?"

Skye's face seemed to fall, like he had said something wrong. "He seemed fine. You asked me this already, remember?"

They had been over it but she never gave him an answer as to if the Shepherd seemed mad about something or how much pain he was in. Pain that Rocky caused. Neither did she specify how he looked. If his chest puffed out as he strut his stuff or if his chest and broad shoulders filled out his shirt. How his tail swayed back and forth slowly, when he was happy. How happy could Rocky make him? How good could Chase make him feel in return?

"Rocky?"

Blinking several times, he sighed and rubbed his head with his paws, looking up to her with a guilty face. "Sorry."

Skye was about to say more when their food arrived steaming and enticing them to take a bite.

Skye looked at her burger and then to him, hesitating.

"Don't worry, eat," Rocky said.

Skye cut her burger in half and smelled it tentatively, before taking a small bite and Rocky hoped he wasn't stressing her out. Worrying her, feeding her disease with his ridiculous ruminations. He sighed and took a bite of his own burger.

They ate in silence, and Rocky periodically checked to make sure that Skye ate enough of her burger, which she did, almost finishing it. Rocky smiled at this, as Skye sat back from her plate wearing a satisfied smile. At least one of their treatment plans was working.

They payed for their meal and Rocky drove them home. Heading inside, they went into the living room where the others were gathered. It was game night. Zuma was with Rubble, Chase was with Everest, Marshall was with Cody, who was there to help Marshall study; which left Skye with him.

"So what game is on the wheel for this week?" Zuma asked.

"Wheel?" Cody whispered to Marshall.

The Dalmatian murmured, "It is a wheel with all of our games on it. We spin it once a week to decide what game we will play."

Cody mouthed an 'oh' and smiled as he watched with the others as Skye spun the wheel.

Once it stopped, all of the dogs in company cheered. "Red light, green light!" Skye yipped. This was the crowd favorite after all. Rocky smiled as he looked over the others, all of them with smiling faces and wagging tales.

Out of all of the things to come out of the last year, all the pain and tears, heartache and trauma, a weekly game night was the one thing they all agreed, on some level to do; an exercise as part of a team building program Ryder set up months after last Christmas as a way to bring the team together. And though a lot of it wasn't pleasant, to grossly uncomfortable: mainly the one-on-one debriefing exercises every pup had to participate in, where they got everything out on the table. The game night exercise was the best part of the entire process, and after the program ended, each pup agreed to keep it.

Rocky snapped out of his thinking and followed everyone outside, the day giving way to the night and leaving behind millions of bright stars in the black sky. But with the flick of a switch, or more accurately, a spare pup pad that controlled all the functions of the lookout, including the floodlights which glowed to life and turned the backyard into a glowing field.

Skye was waiting for him just outside of the door, handing him a neon green hallow, the magenta from her own around her neck lighting up her eyes magnificently. "So, we took a vote, and we want you to be the signal operator."

Nodding his head, he put on his makeshift glow up collar. "Only because of my call out, correct?" Rocky said, with a smile.

"Exactly. And because you are the best at it. Rubble doesn't have the patience for it, not enough movement for Zuma, and Chase is too much of a rule stickler. So, the burden falls to you."

She smiled. "Have fun." And kissed him on the cheek and patted the spot where she did.

"Come on, Skye," Everest called, standing in line with the other slightly glowing dogs, the powder blue collar lighting up her hungry eyes, waiting for the game to begin.

Once everyone took their places the game began.

All of the pups faced him, with wagging tails and grins and or concentrated looks on their faces.

"Ok guys, everyone knows the rules, once I say, green light, you go!" Rocky said.

In a flash everyone started rushing forward, safe for a spotted Dalmatian, who was scratching his ear, with a carefree look on his face. "Marshall," Rocky said, looking at him expectantly as all of the others stopped and looked back at him, some containing their laughter better than others.

Realization hit him and he face pawed, "Oh, right." And he took five steps forward before Rocky called out red light. Only about five feet away from where they started, they all wiggled in place in anticipation.

"Ok. Gree-red light," Rocky barked at a still line of pups.

"Hey," Everest yelped, falling forward on her face and glaring back at a grinning Chase.

"Uh oh, Everest moved," Chase said as giggles leaked out of his muzzle.

"You're out Everest," Rocky said, wagging his tail. Everest got up and grumbled under her breath as she glared at Chase, smacking his muzzle with her tail as she passed him. "Watch your back, officer," she said going to take her place by Rocky.

The next three rounds went by without a hitch, and in the lead, to everyone's surprise, was Marshall. But Rocky had a trick up his sleeve. "Ok, green like," he shouted.

Marshall ungracefully fell forward, "Wait no!" he flailed his paws and snagged Cody and pulled him down with him.

"Woh!"

"Marshall, Cody, you're out."

"Sorry, I know losing can bring you down," Marshall said to Cody as they walked toward Rocky, and Cody choked out a laugh and leaned some of his weight onto Marshall.

"Good one."

Marshall winced and took a step to the side as they made their way over to him.

Rocky refocused on the last four dogs still playing, Rubble and Zuma were neck and neck, and Skye was just behind Chase.

"Green light!"

It all happened in a chaotic chain of events. Rubble and Zuma tripped over each other. Chase and Skye were full sprint at this point when Rocky called out, "Red." And Chase faltered in his steps and his front paws skidded on the grass, and in three bounds, Skye flipped over him and made it safely to Rocky's side, planting a kiss on his lips and taking her place by his side.

Chase was the last one to get up, and he did so gingerly, seeming to take his time walking over to Everest. She nuzzled into him and he said, mostly to her, that he had had enough and was going to take a shower.

"Good effort, Chase," Rocky said and got a half-hearted smile as Chase passed him. He watched him head into the lookout, his tail swaying back and forth, his strong hind legs moving him into the lookout. Such a handsome dog. Rocky felt his heart speed up. What? What did that mean? No not now, please.

He looked around him and found he was the last pup still standing by Everest. "You ok, Rocky?" the husky asked him, stepping closer. Everest is such a lucky dog, to get to sleep with that dog all night.

Rocky picked at his fur absentmindedly and tried his best to smile, as anxiety swarmed him.

"Never better," he said and took his place in line, trying to forget Chase altogether.

He barely noticed the other two matches go by, too busy trying to push away intrusive thoughts or fantasies about the police dog. He thought he was passed this. Both times during the game, he got out early do to his inattention. Both times feeling more and more guilt that he was worrying Skye when they were supposed to be having fun. But if he didn't figure this growing problem out, he would hurt her a lot worse in the long run, wouldn't he?

Finally, Ryder came outside, and called all the dogs inside, as their bedtime had come and went. Skye leaned on Rocky as they followed the others through the front doors as Marshall walked Cody down to his car. Skye wanted to watch a movie and Rocky said he would join her after he took a shower. Leaving the cockapoo alone, he sighed as he reached the bathroom, which was occupied. His timing was perfect, however, as the door opened, a wall of steam coming out of it, and a brown and tan German Shepherd walked out. Chase's eyes were glazed over and slightly red, and he seemed to be deep in thought and almost ran right into Rocky.

"Sorry," he said and sped up and trotted down the hallway, body still dripping from his shower. His tail swaying back and forth, covered with silky soft fur.

Rocky shook his head and entered the cloudy room, closing the door behind him and turning the water on. Why couldn't his brain just shut up? Why did he have to have such conflicting feelings and thoughts. He pulled at his fur as the water warmed up and Rocky stepped inside.

He felt confused and scanned his body for any other indications that he was indeed in love with Chase. That he wasn't who he thought he was. But only more thoughts came of the Shepherd, what he must have looked like, soaking wet. Felt like, running his paws through his fur, feeling the pressure of Chase pushing him against the wall.

Rocky cupped his head with a paw and with the other, turned the facet head until it wouldn't turn anymore and let out shaky breaths as steam came off of the water and filled the small room, the water cut through his fur like butter and battered his skin with tiny stings but he still didn't feel right. He still felt dirty. He fumbled with the shampoo but his shaking paws couldn't grip it and it hit the floor with a thud. He scrambled to pick it up and emptied half of the bottle out onto his paw, before vigorously scrubbing every inch of fur. His body became unrecognizable, a layer of foam covered his gray fur. Rocky continued to scrub and rinse the soap away and the cycle continued until the bottle sputtered out the remains of its contents. But Rocky felt he was clean. For a second or two.

Until more thoughts of Chase intruded his mind and he instinctively squeezed the bottle but nothing came out. Rocky dropped the bottle, sinking onto the slick tile.

What if.

What if.

What if.

The barrage continued. Rocky plucked desperately at the fur on his arm in an attempt to rid his mind of Chase.

Something had been unsettled, and uncertainty flooded him. Much like how his thoughts circled around Chase, his hairs circled the drain.

His ears twitched as the door to the bathroom opened. His eyes locked with Skye's. And he had no time to compose himself.

"I can barely see you," she said. She opened the glass door being hit with a wall of steam and tested the water with her paw, recoiling it with a gasp once the water touched her skin.

"You're going to burn yourself," she said, turning down the water temperature. She reached for the blob of fur and blood, skin and bones, huddled in the corner of the shower. "What is it, baby?" she asked, placing both paws on his shoulders.

"Anxious," he mumbled.

Skye sighed to herself and began rubbing up and down on his shoulder. "Relax," she shushed as he rattled off a string of questions, mostly to himself.

A devious smile formed on her muzzle and Rocky knew all too well what was coming. A look he had grown accustomed to seeing that always gave her intentions away. Under normal circumstances, he would have welcomed it.

"Skye, wait," he said just before she could kiss him.

She shushed him and ran her paws down his back, pulling him against her body. "Just relax."

They kissed, slow and passionate. Her tongue slipping over his lower lip, asking for permission. He let her and their tongues danced, fighting for dominance. She was right, this was helping.

Rocky moved his paws to hold her waist as he lost himself in the sensation of the now tolerably hot water and the loving touch of his girlfriend. Tingling ran from his limbs to his head, dopamine tickling his brain as Skye nipped at his neck. Elated, a moan slipped through his mouth and he had to remind himself to remain in control. As much as he wanted to continue, to explore the next page of their relationship aching to be turned, he couldn't. Even if he wanted to, there was too many distractions, to many questions and uncertainties, not to mention his morals. How would it feel, if it were Chase he was with? How warm would his mouth be, how sweet would he taste?

"Rocky?" Skye's voice cut through his thoughts like a hot knife through butter. She wasn't kissing him anymore like he had left things to investigate his nagging thoughts. Her eyes asked many questions of their own, and Rocky was running out of thinking time.

"Sorry," he said leaning in to kiss her again but a paw met his lips instead.

"Where are you? Because you're not with me." Her eyes filled with concern and doubt.

"I'm here," he said unconvincingly. His eyes focusing on the necklace around her neck, watching as beads of water dripped off its slick surface, leaving behind a shimmering trail.

"I can tell, Rocky. Your distracted. What's wrong?"

Her eyes pleaded with him, the bright magenta cutting through the steamy room and through his heart all at once.

How could he tell her? How could he even be present with her? He couldn't reveal to her the source of his discomfort. That would hurt her, put her in danger possibly. How immoral would it be –to continue with his current course of action– if he was unsure. If he was gay, what did that mean for him and Skye?

The gray dog tried to speak, utter anything to diffuse the tension between them. He opened his mouth leaking out incoherent utterances before anxiety completely squeezed his throat shut.

"What is it, Rocky? This isn't funny."

Skye's worried expression morphed into an insecure, defensive one, and his silence only made her state worse. Water welled up in her eyes that didn't come from the shower. Her magenta eyes sparkling, with a face that tore up his insides.

"Is it me?" she whimpered.

Rocky was quick to shake his head no. This wasn't happening. He couldn't have this conversation now. Not until he was sure.

"Are you worrying again," she asked, but he remained silent, "Baby talk to me."

They stayed in silence until water built in Skye's eyes and they shimmered in all the wrong ways. She let out a small whimper and pushed the shower door open and walked out, breaking Rocky's heart with each step she took, as he opened his mouth to try and fix things. But nothing came out.

Rocky tried to catch her once he was out but she had disappeared, and he made into their room, but she wasn't there. Sighing to himself he curled up in bed and waited for sleep to take him before his thoughts hurt anyone else anymore. Skye came in at one point in the night and kissed him on the cheek and snuggled up next to him, and sleep took him again.

He woke late. The midday sun washed over him and he sighed and got up and stretched. Skye was already up, and absent. Walking out of his room, he was met at the entrance to their room by Skye. She looked apologetically at him, and he was about to ask what was bothering her when his pup tag lit up.

"Hello?"

"Rocky, it's Dr. Edwards, Skye called and told me you were having trouble. What's been going on?"

Rocky swallowed the saliva in his mouth and tried to think of an adequate response without worrying his doctor excessively. But when he looked at Skye, she had a concerned face, so he tried to be honest.

"I'm struggling to control my thoughts."

There was a pause at the other end of the line and Rocky swallowed again, his throat squeezing together and his breath becoming more constricted.

"I see, and how have you been feeling?"

"Things, could be better, they are more complicated." He let out a nervous laugh, even though there was nothing funny about any of this.

"So your symptoms have gotten worse?"

Rocky nodded and let out a small, "Yes."

"Rocky, I wish you would try the exposure response therapy, it would do wonders for your OCD." He let out a sigh, "I would advise, if you are not willing to go to therapy, that we increase the dose of your antidepressant and we can talk again in a month. Ok ?" His voice was warm and sincere but Rocky hated every word he said.

"Thank you," Rocky said and hung up quickly and picked at the fur on his arm.

Skye placed a paw on his shoulder, "Baby, I did that for your own good."

Rocky shrugged off her grip and closed the door in her face. He walked to his nightstand, as his chest buzzed and tightened with anxiety.

Pulling out a drawer he spied his prescription pill bottle, pushed it aside with a paw and reached further into the drawer and pulled out a bottle of clear liquid, Vodka. He rolled the bottle in his paws and looked down longingly at it. He sighed and shoved it back into the drawer and slammed it shut. He didn't need it, didn't need his medication either. He could handle everything, all on his own.