AN: Thank you for your reviews!
The waiting was always the worst. The people by her side were always the same, her father, her in laws, Lynn and Lauren, Zeke and Shauna, Christina who was dealing with a difficult pregnancy was there as often as it was deemed safe for her, along with her husband Will. Roni was almost a constant after work hours, along with Tori, and even Caleb and Four. Her family, her constant support system, and the only reason she's made it through these seven weeks.
Eric remained in a coma, while his body healed he'd continued to have seizures, which the medical team attributed to the massive blood loss he'd suffered. No one quite knew what the long term impact was going to be if he ever woke up. The fact that his medical team no longer said when he woke up wasn't lost on Tris, or those who happened to be around when he was being examined.
The next time Tris was awoken by noise from Eric it was due to him having a stroke. Although his wounds were finally healing, the trauma of losing so much of his blood volume, along with the terrible infection his body fought for weeks were taking their toll and there were many times his team gathered Tris, her father and her in-laws in a room to discuss options for advanced medical treatment.
She needed Eric to live.
Tris had taken to working from his hospital room, she had quickly adapted to the noises and chaos that sometimes came from staying with him, and she was able to participate in most city meetings remotely. She'd been in contact with her cousin Adam Prior in Milwaukee, the two of them quickly becoming close, and he was often her confidante when things became too heavy at home.
Eric had finally turned a corner. For over two weeks the medical team that was taking care of him had noticed signs of him waking up. He would actually open his eyes for extended periods of time, but he didn't seem to recognize anything around him, nor would he speak, until yesterday evening. He had opened his eyes, and for the first time he interacted with her. Even under the heavy sedation, he was expressive and he was trying his best to talk. At Tris' insistence, she had asked that they completely removed his sedation, and for the first time in so long she slept in the chair next to his bed and heard his soft snores. He was sleeping instead of being passed out from sedation. It was hope.
"Tris…Tris…"
She blinks her eyes a couple of times, the sun has just begun to rise and her eyes adjust. Eric is looking at her and she rushes to his side.
"Hi." She says when he reaches his hand for hers.
"I don't know what's going on." He replies. His voice is scratchy, but his eyes are sharp.
"I should get your medical team-"
"Not yet." He states and she nods.
"Okay, but if anything happens I am getting them." She replies and he smiles briefly at her, "How do you feel?"
"Weird."
They just look at each other for the longest time, with Tris just gently brushing her fingers through his unruly hair. She notices he seems slightly agitated and she discretely presses the call button. Thankfully when the medical team arrives he's less apprehensive than normal and he's very cooperative. The next hour is a flurry of tests, blood draws, vital checks and conversations. He answers the basic questions so many times, but with Tris beside him he keeps his temper in check. He's allowed out of the bed, once the physical therapist and Tris both explain that even in his coma state he's had daily physical therapy and been moved to avoid any further damage to his muscles. He gets his first look in the mirror at his thinner than normal frame, bearded face and unruly curly hair and Tris keeps an eye on him when he brushes his teeth.
"You're okay. When they started shooting, I thought for sure they were going to hurt you. I just wanted you to be okay babe, holy fuck, you're okay." He rambles after he's finished.
"You remember." She says quietly and he nods his head, "You protected me, and your plan almost went off flawlessly." She replies and his brow furrows.
"Are you angry at me?" He asks.
"Let's not talk about that. You literally died, and have been on the brink many times in these past few months. I'd rather just focus on right now."
"Months?" He asks.
"Months. You've been here thirteen weeks tomorrow." She replies.
He turns carefully to face her and she's worried that she's said too much. He trails a shaky hand along her side before he speaks again, "I wanted to make sure you would be okay if I didn't make it."
"You understand none of this mattered without you, don't you?"
"I understand it better than you know. This shit isn't me, Tris. I've never once considered being married." He replies.
"Me either." She replies quietly, "It can be annulled." She offers.
"No." He states.
"Still not making decisions together?" She looks over at him.
"Can we talk about it later?" He asks and she sighs before nodding once. So far, it seemed he was actually okay.
She helped him out of his hospital gown so he could finally take a shower, and when he first saw his scars from the gunshot wound and surgeries he paused, "This shit was real."
"It most definitely was."
She helps him wash, carefully avoiding too much pressure near his still healing wounds, and she helps him into a clean hospital gown, promising she'd have someone bring him some of his clothes from home.
Their time alone is cut by a steady stream of visitors and well-wishers, and after three more days in the ICU and a battery of testing, he's approved to move into a step down room with plans for discharge. It's a quiet Thursday evening, his second in his new room, when Tris finally answers all of his questions about what led him to be in the hospital for so long, and what's happened outside of his room.
"So they wiped everyone?" He asks and she shakes her head.
"Marcus was executed. His abuse of Tobias came out under truth serum, along with the murder of his wife." Tris says quietly.
"Fuck." Eric says while shaking his head.
They still avoided talking about their relationship, or the circumstances that led to them being married. The rest of that evening was subdued with him sleeping off and on and her catching up on work. The next day he was filled with anxiety and nervous energy. Tris was working from the hospital, and Eric wouldn't stop inserting himself into her work calls and meetings. She was growing increasingly frustrated with him, because he was consistently pushing the boundaries of what his medical team had set for him. She was doing her best to distract him, but his attitude was beginning to grate at her nerves.
"Your father is going too far too fast. Four months ago we didn't know anything was out there. Now, he's talking about opening the fucking fence and just seeing what happens. This is absurd!" He shouts.
"We've already been in contact with Milwaukee, my family is out there. Edith Prior, the person in the video, she was my great-grandmother. My grandmother left Milwaukee to come here to help establish Chicago, and that's how my dad ended up here. The entire rest of my family is there, my cousin Adam is part of their government team." She argues.
"This shouldn't be reduced to a family reunion, Tris-"
"Are you fucking kidding me, Eric? I've been working non-stop, all of the city leadership has, we've been working together to unite the city and to stop the fear mongering. You know what, you've got to stop. You're still on medical leave, and I need to be able to work in peace." Tris finally snaps at him.
"Then leave." He bites back.
"What's gotten into you?" She asks and he glares at her.
"I'm fucking tired of being here. It's going on four months now, I've followed all of their rules, and yet they keep me here for no fucking reason!" He shouts at her, "I have a faction to lead-"
"There are no more factions, Eric!" She shouts.
"What have you done to my city?" He roars.
"I've led! You died on them, twice!" She shouts at him, "You almost bled out, you lost so much blood that your body began to shut down. My cousins gave blood repeatedly, we'd called everyone we knew to get them here and typed for you, we had fucking blood drives. You got that infection and kept having seizures, I had to watch them do chest compressions after they'd just sewed you back together! This week is the only one since you've been here that you've been able to have an actual conversation!" She begins to cry and he finally moves from his bed to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him.
His body is sore, but he is mostly healed, and it feels so right to have her touching him again.
"I'm sorry." He whispers and she shakes her head.
"I'm leaving." She pulls away from him and begins throwing all of her things into her duffle bag.
"Tris, no, I want you here-"
"I need space. We need space." She says in a rush before she leaves the room.
He follows behind her, calling her name, and he's stopped by two nurses at the charge desk.
"Mr. Coulter, you can't leave the wing."
"My wife, I need to talk to her, I need-"
"Mr. Coulter, you've unseated your IV, we need to get you back to the room." The nurse replies and he jerks away from her.
"I want out of here. I'm leaving!" He roars. He feels a set of hands on his back, rubbing gentle circles and he rounds on the person who dares touch him, finding the ice blue eyes of his wife, "Tris…" He chokes on a sob and grasps onto her, crying uncontrollably.
"It's okay." She whispers and they slowly drop to the floor. She makes eye contact with the nurse who simply nods her head and squats next to them, gently cleaning his IV site.
He spends the next two weeks in the psychiatric wing, finally facing his demons. Tris is no longer allowed to stay with him at the hospital, and the texts and calls they share sometimes have an air of desperation about them. They're allowed one visit per day, only for an hour, and under supervision.
"You look like shit." Christina says from her spot across from her, and Tris looks up from her work long enough to narrow her eyes at her friend.
"I'm going to blame the fact that you're seven months pregnant with twins on your extra Candor lately." Tris sighs at her.
"Seriously, Tris, when's the last time you slept? Or did anything besides work, text with Eric, talk with Eric, or worry about Eric?"
"I don't need this right now. My husband is locked in a fucking psych ward and I'm being forced to pretend like this is all normal." She replies angrily.
"Tris, he married you without even telling you. Have you processed that? You've been obsessed with his recovery, which I completely understand, but have you even taken a second to understand that you're legally married to him and the two of you hadn't even talked about a future before that? You couldn't even tell him you loved him, and now you're married to him." Christina pushes.
"That's not important right now-"
"Yes it is." Christina says slowly, emphasizing each word, "He made a life changing decision without once talking to you about it. Tris, you two were only sex for the longest time. Maybe feelings got involved, but you barely lived together, hell you didn't even acknowledge you lived there it was always that you were staying there until you got your life in order. Your life has always been about someone else, I think you need to take some time for yourself."
"He needs me." She argues.
"Someone always needs you, Tris. First it was Four and your brother, then basically the whole fucking city with Jeanine's shit. It's all over now and you can finally focus on you. What do you want, Tris?"
"I don't know." She shakes her head.
"I think while he's getting this treatment is the right time for you to figure it out. Why don't you get an apartment, be in your own space for a change?" Chris asks.
"You're kidding me, right? You want me to get my own apartment so Eric comes home to an empty place? You think that's what he needs?"
"No, Tris, I think it's what you need. I think you need some space and time to find out what it is that you want. You've spent your entire life living for other people, it's time to live for you."
"I'm married, Chris." Tris replies angrily.
"Do you want to be married?" She counters.
"Why are you doing this? I've been dealing with so much, we're dissolving factions, discussing relations with the other cities, trying to build a new government, all while Eric recovers." She scrubs tears from her face and next thing she knows Christina has wrapped her arms around her. "I'm fine."
"You're not fine." Christina replies quietly.
"I can't just leave him."
"No one expects you to, but having some separation while you find out if you even want to be married is imperative. Once the two of you consummate, its divorce Tris. If you don't have sex or live together once he's out, you can have it annulled and you won't have any of this on your record." She replies.
"I know that I love him." She argues.
"I don't question that, but do you know what each of you envisions for your future?" Christina asks.
"We never really talked about it." She shakes her head, "But we can now."
"Talking about it now may not be the best idea. He almost died, twice, and you're both in a phase of survival and tomorrow isn't promised. Making a life changing decision under these circumstances isn't ideal."
When her phone rings she answers it, and Christina waits out in the hall to give her privacy. She picking at her nail polish when Tris exits her office and begins locking her door.
"I have to go, he's being released." She says quickly.
"Tris…."
"Just be happy for me. Be supportive. Be the friend who thinks it's perfectly okay that I made a spontaneous decision to get married, and pretend that everything is fine-"
Christina puts her hand on her best friend's arm and forces her to turn around and look at her. "I can't. You made no decision to get married, you've been living for someone else you're entire life, and you're about to go pick him up and take him home like everything is okay. You are the farthest thing from fine that I've ever seen."
"I'm going." Tris replies and she turns away and heads down the hallway.
"You're making a mistake!" Christina shouts as she watches her best friend leave, and shakes her head as she picks up her bag and heads down to her own office in the ambassador wing.
Christina was right, and she hated it. Eric was home for only two days before Tris showed up at Christina and Will's door one evening. Chris was in a meeting, but Will led a teary eyed Tris inside, and he'd done his best to give her support until his wife got home. At that point, he gave them space and worked on making dinner for them.
"He's regressed. Angry, paranoid, he's not who I fell in love with." Tris says.
"He seems more like he was when we first transferred." Christina agrees.
"He's going back to work tomorrow as head leader. Roni still insists on handing it over to him, even knowing what a powder keg he's been. She says he's the same asshole he was before I softened him up and I should just get used to it." She sighs.
"You don't have to."
"I know that I don't. We're taking some time apart, I'm going out to Milwaukee. Adam called me, he told me they'd made arrangements to send one of their city leaders here, and we'd be sending one of ours. I talked to my father, and he agreed to nominate me. He's already gotten Johanna, Jack and Cara's support, so the only argument may be from Eric. Even if he does, I should still get the majority vote." Tris explains.
"How long?" Christina asks.
"Three months." Tris smiles briefly and when she sees the tears in Christina's eyes she reaches out for her, "I'll be here when the twins are born no matter what, I'll fly in and fly back. I've already made the arrangements."
"You know me so well. I'm going to miss you very much."
"I'll miss you. They've promised me the use of one of their city helicopters at any point. We have SUV's, they have actual flying machines," Tris smiles at Christina's wide eyes, "Forty five minutes and I'm here."
"Does Eric know?" She asks and Tris shakes her head.
"Not yet. We've not had the easiest time since his first night back. Sex has never been our issue, but apparently communication is." She sighs, "It'll be easier this way."
"You slept with him," Christina says and Tris nods. Christina sighs heavily, "You can't annul the marriage now." Christina replies and Tris shakes her head.
"Christina, I absolutely was not thinking about annulling my marriage when he first got home. We've always had a very sexual relationship, and the last thing either of us were thinking about was the status of our marriage. I wanted to get fucked. Sue me."
Christina actually laughs at Tris's outburst, "I'm proud of you. The girl I met four years ago couldn't have said any of that. I'm glad you got fucked, I just hope it was good enough for you to throw your opportunity to have the marriage annulled away."
"Yes, it was certainly good enough, and I'm not quite sure that I want to as far as the marriage is concerned. The space will give us time to think about things, to heal, and to really talk about the things we see in our future. I love him-"
"Do you love him or just love fucking him, Tris?" Christina interrupts.
"Both." Tris answers easily, "Our communication has been awful. He spends more time arguing with me about work than talking about anything with us. We need this space."
Tris was right in her assumption that Eric would try to prevent her from going to Milwaukee, and he argued against it. When the vote was taken, Eric had only two others who voted with him, while all other 23 members of city leadership voted to send Tris to represent Chicago. Eric went directly home, he had no idea when Tris would actually show up to pack her bags, but he was damn sure going to be there when she showed up.
"How can you just leave for three months?" He asked when she finally walked in over an hour later.
"Eric, it's an important assignment, and I will also get to be with my family." She says with a sigh.
"You're leaving your family. You're leaving me."
"That's not fair and you know it. We've done nothing but argue ever since you've been awake, we've yet to address the very real elephant in the room." She accuses.
"The elephant? What the fuck are you talking about?" He asks angrily.
"The fact that you married me without even fucking talking to me. That is a pretty big elephant, wouldn't you think?" She asks as she walks to their bedroom with him on her heels. She begins to pack and he paces the floor next to their bed.
"I married you to make sure you had access to everything I did in case I died. Our marriage is what got you the access you needed to save me, because my parents sure as fuck couldn't make a decision the way you can. I married you because I love you and I trusted you with everything I have." He replies.
"Eric, you've admitted yourself that you never saw yourself getting married. What about other major decisions?" She asks.
"Isn't marriage our biggest decision? Have I not proven I am committed to you?"
"What about kids?" She asks as she rolls her clothes to better fit inside of her suitcases.
"No . There's no way." He shakes his head as he continues to pace, "We're not exactly the parental type, are we?" He laughs.
She stops what she's doing and gapes at him, "You're fucking laughing about that?"
He halts his pacing and looks at her distraught face, "Tris, you can't be serious right now. We are leaders, we're rebuilding s fucking city, we are married to our jobs and barely have time for each other at the end of the day, of course I don't want kids, I'm too selfish for kids."
"I do."
"Well maybe I'll change my mind one day," He shrugs.
"Oh, maybe? Well that's just great, so glad we made a lifetime commitment to each other just for you to maybe give me the things I want out of my future. I can't believe you filed a fucking marriage license without talking to me, and I can't believe that you never once thought to ask me what I wanted, Eric." She throws everything into her suitcases and closes them, taking one with her, "I'll have Chris send me the rest."
"Don't do this, don't leave like this."
"You don't want kids?" She asks without turning around.
"I don't know." He admits.
"Okay." She says slowly, "Not now, or not ever?" She asks.
"Tris, you're putting me on the spot." He argues.
"Eric, it shouldn't be putting you on the spot to know if you ever see having children in our future. We're married, this is the time we should know these things about each other."
"Tris, I don't think I want kids, but I don't know. Why can't we sit down and talk this through like we have everything else in over two years? Why do we need to know if we want kids right this second?" He asks.
"I'm here, willing to talk, but I need to know where your head it when it comes to our future, Eric." She replies, "I'm twenty-four, you're twenty-six, we're married, why wouldn't we talk about having children now?"
"We have a lot of responsibilities already, I'm the head leader and we're trying to tear down fucking walls and borders, I don't need anything else to be responsible for. I like being able to go out and blow off steam when I need to without having to find a sitter, I like being able to fuck my wife anywhere in my home without worrying about little prying eyes. I like our life now. I don't know if I have the capacity for bringing people into it, okay?" He replies angrily.
"So you're saying that you don't want to have children?" She asks.
"If you're asking for an answer now, no. I don't see it in my future." He shakes his head.
"It's better that we had this conversation now then." She says quietly.
"What does that mean?" He asks.
"It means we are of different opinions on a pretty significant matter, Eric. I want children, you don't. That's more than just a difference of opinion actually, and it's not one of those items where we should be trying to sway the other. Raising children isn't something someone should be talked into."
"What are you saying? I mean, can't we think about this, maybe compromise?" He asks.
"Eric, I want to have children, I've always wanted to have children. That's not going to change for me. It's not something I am willing to compromise on, and I don't want to have to talk you into wanting the same thing one day. That's not fair to either of us."
"I don't want you to go. You're about to leave me, Tris. I see it written all over your face. Please don't. Give me a chance, let's think about this more, let's talk about it more, let's weigh it out-"
"Eric, you don't make a pros and cons list for having a family."
"Tris, we are young, we have time to really think about this. We have time to think about if this is what either of us truly want." He argues.
"I already know what I want. Waiting it out will only make it harder when we inevitably land on separate sides of this again."
"No. Don't do this, don't end this, let's please give it some time, and just let me think about it." He wraps his arms around her, "Please don't end this. I love you, Tris, I fucking love you and I don't want you to leave me like this."
"I don't want either of us to change who we are, what we want. That's not healthy compromise. I love you Eric, but we want different things, and I don't want the push and pull of those wants and needs to make us resent each other."
She pushes away from him gently, and then walks out of the apartment without another word.
He calls her immediately, and surprisingly she picks up, "Please just come home. We can talk about this, and just really lay things out, please."
"The longer we drag this out, the harder it will be for both of us." She replies softly.
"I don't want to lose you. We can have kids. We can have a house full of kids, but please don't leave me."
"You don't want any of that," Tris replies softly.
"I want you, Tris. Before you, I didn't want a woman in my space, I didn't want commitment, I didn't want love, I didn't want marriage… do you see where I'm going here? Give me time to think about this. I love you, I'm not willing to let our future literally slip through my fingers because my stupid brain can't compute making committed decisions. Please come home, give me an ultimatum, tell me I have to have my shit figured out by a certain time, just give me something I can work on." He begs.
"I won't give you a timeline or ultimatum when it comes to our future. I'm heading to the car now, and they're taking me to the field where the helicopter is picking me up." She replies.
"Tris, I'm a proud man, but I am begging you, please come home. I will do anything you want, anything Tris. Don't end this, don't say this is over." Eric begs. He can hear her take a deep breath in, and he can tell she's crying by the way she exhales, "Please don't cry. I can't do tears, please just come home."
"Eric, I need space. If you're serious about doing anything I want, then please give me that." She says before she disconnects their call.