AN: Thanks for the reviews, and for hanging in there. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and see you again Sunday.
Eric left Milwaukee that night, and he didn't see or talk to Tris again until she showed up in Chicago over a week later for Christina's scheduled C-Section. He knew he had to talk to her, and that just blowing up at her and walking away wasn't an option when he was just as responsible about preventing a pregnancy as she was, and he'd left it all on her.
She was the first woman he'd ever gone bareback with, that day on the mats was completely out of character for both of them, and it was the first time Eric had exposed himself to disease or pregnancy. Knowing that neither happened during that first encounter, he should have been smarter when they started back up after he was back in Chicago, but he didn't. He was powerless to stay away from her back then, and even now as he stands in front of her door a little over an hour after he watched her go into the visitor's apartment she'd reserved.
"I'm sorry." He says when she opens the door, "Can we talk, please?"
She opens the door wider for him to come in and he follows her to the couch. There's silence between then, he can almost hear it ticking slowly away, and when he looks over at her he can see the shine of tears on her face.
"Please don't cry, I can't…" He trails off and she scrubs at her face with her hands.
"I thought you were going to die, Eric. I thought this would have been the only part of you I had left. When I found out I was pregnant, that was all I could think about." She cries harder.
"Baby," He whispers as he wipes the tears from her face and wraps his arms around her.
"I've kept all of my doctor's appointments neutral, only because even at this point of the pregnancy I haven't been sure of what to do-"
"What was going to happen? Were you just going to wait until I changed my mind, Tris?" He asks.
She pushes away from him, "I never tried to change your mind! I purposely have given us space and time to talk about how we feel about being parents-"
"While you're already pregnant! How am I supposed to feel about this? If we decided that our future should include children, that may have been somewhere down the road. Maybe when we're not rebuilding a whole fucking city government, or dealing with all of the other cities we never even knew existed-"
"It would have never been the right time, Eric. We are both leaders in our city, there will always be something that needs our attention. If we waited for the perfect time to bring a child into our lives we'd never have children." She replies. "I WANT children. I don't need to get ready because I am already ready. If you don't want this, you're off the hook. Is that what you need to hear?"
"No," He shakes his head, "I just need to process this. You've known for months, and I'm just now finding out."
"I shouldn't have hidden it from you." She says softly.
"No, you shouldn't have." He replies.
"I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for making you feel as if I was wearing you down or trying to change your mind."
"There's a part of me that feels that's exactly what you did. I was angry that night in Milwaukee, and I lashed out, but once I got back here and thought more I knew I had fucked up. You left me because we wanted different things. You took an assignment in order to give us some physical space to think about our future, and you have never tried to persuade me to think the way you do. If nothing else, you've argued against it when you realized I was making a statement just to try to save our relationship." He explains.
"I should have told you." She laments.
"I should have listened. You told me what you wanted, and I told you what I didn't want. I made a declarative statement without understanding if it was truly what I want, Tris. I am afraid of being a father, for all of the reasons I've already told you, but I'm also as equally afraid of not being a father. Neither of us were solely responsible for preventing the pregnancy, both of us were, and it's not important because it's already happened. The decisions we make from here on are what is important."
"I would agree." She replies.
"Where do we go from here?" He asks.
"We have adoption. My doctor has given me lots of information about it, and given me the phone number of a case worker we could work with. There are lots of couples who can't have kids for whatever reason on their own." She offers.
"Or we raise… I don't want to say it anymore, do you have any idea what it is?" He asks awkwardly.
"No. I could have found out during my last ultrasound, but I didn't. I've been trying not to get attached. It's so wrong." She replies through tears, "I've always wanted to be a mother, and yet now that I'm about to be one I refuse to even try to bond with my baby."
"I'm sorry." He says as he wraps his arms around her.
"Me too," She chokes out against him.
"I want this marriage to work. I love you, Tris."
"Love hasn't ever been our issue, Eric."
They had tried to talk more about their options with the baby, but she was physically and emotionally exhausted. She makes him leave that night, even though she could tell he didn't want to.
She spends the next day at the infirmary with Christina and Will, both of whom are apprehensive since their tiny baby girls required some extra time in the pediatric ICU since both were dealing with low grade fevers. When Will leaves the room to deal with issues in the armory, Christina turns her attention towards her best friend.
"Tell me about Eric. I'm ready, lay it all on me." Christina says.
"Chris, you have enough on your plate-"
"My daughters are improving, my husband is relaxed enough to deal with work right now, and I'm ready to hear everything. You showed up here going on six months pregnant without any fucking warning. I've missed you, and in every call home you've hid shit from me. Tris, what's going on?"
"I don't know." She sighs.
"Okay, let's try this a different way. Are you still married?" She asks.
"Yes." Tris answers.
"I already know he came home in a rage and no one knew why. I'm going to assume he also found out about the pregnancy by physically seeing you. Have the two of you talked since then?" Christina presses.
"Your assumption is right and we talked last night." Tris nods.
"Did you talk or fuck, Tris?"
"Jesus Chris, wow…."
"Look, when you need to deal with deep subjects you choose to get deep dick, I'm not wrong." She glares at Tris and her best friend laughs in spite of the subject matter.
"You absolutely kill me. We talked. We've not had sex since the day he came home from the hospital." Tris replies once she's composed herself.
"Was the conversation beneficial?"
"It was the first time we've not fought in a long time." Tris admits.
"That's good." Christina nods.
"We've both been so toxic. I don't know how to undo all of the shit we've done to each other, but I'll be honest it's been me a lot of the time."
"You did ambush his plans with Jeanine." Christina agrees.
"I did." She agrees.
"He married you without you knowing."
"Also true." Tris nods.
"Now the baby, obviously not planned." Christina pushes.
"No. Although it's not exactly like we were careful. We relied on a serum knowing that Divergents are unpredictable with them. Chris, we've never once used protection, even that day on the mats. I became a completely different person with him, and he says he has with me too."
"You guys can do this Tris, it's been rough but I think you two can get through it."
"If it was just the two of us, I don't think there would be anything that could come between us. We're both controlling, and I know that's an issue, but I can see that we've had growth too. I was so fucked up from my upbringing in Abnegation, but now I have this amazing relationship with my father. I have a relationship with my brother that is outside of just helping him and Tobias be together. I've never loved anyone before, but I do love Eric so much."
"It's obvious you do when you two have remained married even when you've had some pretty significant issues. That shows a level of maturity for both of you not to just throw in the towel, no matter how toxic you think things have been."
Tris nods her head, "I want to be married to him. I didn't think I would, but the longer we're apart the more I realize that it's taken both of us to get to this place."
"What if he doesn't want to keep this baby?" Christina asks.
"I don't know what will happen. I want to have children one day, and if doesn't ever see it in his future I really have to decide if that's the end for us."
"I'm pulling for you two." Christina says and she grasps her hand as Will returns to the room.
They spend several hours together, with Tris even going with them down to the nursery to see the twins through the window. In that moment, seeing Christina and Will fawn over their beautiful daughters, she realizes that is what she wants too.
She's exhausted when she gets to her visitor's residence, and she kicks her shoes off at the door and leaves a trail of clothes behind her as she makes her way to the bed. She and Eric had been texting all day, and their serious conversation had turned into flirting, then actual sexting. She's completely turned on and she begins to massage her breasts once she's lying in the cool sheets.
Her phone ringing stops her fingers from traveling to where she wants them the most, and when she sees Eric's name she answers.
"Come here tonight, Tris. Come to our apartment, you've never once seen it in person. Please stay with me while you're in town." He says as soon as she picks up.
"Eric, we have been fighting so much-"
"Let's make up." He interrupts, "Babe, this past hour of texting, fuck…"
"Eric..." She trails off.
"I'm coming to your place Tris. I'm leaving the apartment now and coming to you. If you let me in I'm getting all of your bags and bringing you here."
"And if I don't let you in, you damn caveman?" She asks with humor lacing her voice.
"In approximately 30 seconds you're going to find out." He growls.
"Use your master key." She replies.
"Why can't you let me in?" He asks.
"I'm naked."
The call ends, and she hears the door to her temporary apartment open and close, and the thud of his boots heading back towards her.
"I'm not forgiving you Eric, I'm fucking you." She says as he hungrily watches her touching herself.
"I'm okay with that, for now."
She knows that this doesn't fix the myriad of problems they've been having, but she needs him and based on how quickly he undresses and yanks her by the legs to the edge of the bed, she knows he needs her too.
When he buries his face between her legs she lets out a sound that's almost feral, and his moans fill the room as he licks and sucks her overstimulated core.
"Why were you naked?" He asks as he enters two of his thick fingers inside of her.
"You know exactly why, those texts." She arches her back into him.
"All of your toys are at home." He says as he pumps his fingers in and out of her.
"I have hands." She purrs.
"Not like this." He curls his fingers inside of her and she squirms against him.
"No..." She's moving against him, "Eric, I need..."
"This?" He curls his middle finger and she lifts off the bed.
"Oh god." She moans.
He slows his movements and she growls in protest. He chuckles at her as he removes his fingers and sucks them clean.
"How are you going to bring me to the edge and leave me hanging?"
"Because I like the way you feel when you cum on my dick." He says as he slams inside of her.
She's so tight, and hot and he stills inside of her to savor the way she feels. He also can't stop thinking about how beautiful she is, with her breasts and stomach swollen from her pregnancy.
Their pregnancy.
"Eric Coulter, if you don't start moving we're going to have some serious problems." Tris huffs at him.
"You're beautiful." He whispers and she tries to cover her belly, "No, all of you. Beautiful."
"Eric," She whines as she tries to get him to move.
"Patience babe, it's been a long time and you feel so good." He begins moving against her and she moans in appreciation.
He watches the way she moves against him, how she meets him thrust for thrust, the way her breasts bounce, and her face contorts in pleasure. He grabs her by the hips when she arches her back again and he pounds against her.
"I'm so close..." she moans and he goes harder, knowing he's about to fall apart but he needs to give her what she needs. When she starts to flutter around him, and begins chanting his name he finally let's go, calling her name repeatedly and doing his best to keep his weight off of her.
He rolls off of her and lays on his side with his head on her chest. She runs her fingers through his hair and he rolls over and presses a kiss on her stomach.
It makes her pause.
He rests his chin where his lips were and looks up at her, "I love you. I want this."
"You can't say that after sex."
"Yes I can. Just let me feel this, Tris. Believe me when I tell you I'm ready."
"Earlier you wanted nothing to do with this." She says as she scrubs her eyes with the back of her hands, "I can't keep doing this. I can't." She slides away from him and turns her back towards him.
"Can I stay?" He asks quietly and he can tell she's crying. He crawls behind her and presses his lips to her shoulder, and wraps his arm gently around her, "Babe, I'm so sorry. What can I do? What do you need?"
"I need you to stop changing your mind."
"I will."
"Okay." She whispers.
Surprisingly she falls asleep almost immediately and he follows shortly behind.
He wakes up to her darting out of bed, and he can hear her vomiting. He follows her into the bathroom and rubs her shoulders and back as she leans over the toilet.
"Is it like this every morning?" He asks as he wraps her in a towel and holds her against him.
"Mmhmm." She hums in affirmation.
"I thought that was just an early thing, I mean that's what I saw online-"
"You looked up pregnancy stuff online?" She gapes at him.
"Yeah, I mean once you started asking me about having kids, I did some research. Then when I saw you pregnant, I did more. It's what I do, I'm a former Erudite."
"You are." She smiles at him and cups his bearded cheek in her hand, "I've had these issues throughout my pregnancy and I forgot to take one of the pills to help before I went to sleep last night."
"I don't want you to go back to Milwaukee. I want to share this with you."
"You want to sit on a cold bathroom floor while I puke my guts out every day?" She scoffs.
"We've been married for months now and we've only spent three total nights together. I want to be there for everything, and every part of our pregnancy." He replies.
"Our?" She looks up at him and he nods.
"I'm not changing my mind anymore."
Tris spends the rest of the day at the infirmary with Christina, Will and finally their twin daughters Peyton and Jaida who have both recovered from their fevers. Eric works for part of the day, but then he shows up at the infirmary and sits next to his wife. When the twins are brought back into the room, Eric further surprises them all by taking a turn holding each tiny girl.
Jaida manages to fall asleep with Eric's pinky clutched in her tiny fist.
"How'd you manage to get time off?" Tris whispers when Christina dozes off.
"I'm off for the next few days while you're in town, and then if you're willing I'd like to come back to Milwaukee with you."
"How?" She asks.
"I can work remotely, Lydia said maybe her other guest leader wouldn't mind sharing her office with me." He grins at her.
"You're serious?" She asks and he nods.
"I want this to work. I want to be a father. I'm ready." He replies.
True to his word, he takes the rest of the work week off along with the weekend and helps Tris get Christina and Will get settled in at home. With Christina recovering from surgery, Tris and Eric's presence helps both new parents get a little extra rest.
Tris has him stay with her in Milwaukee, and soon her corporate apartment feels more like their old space in Dauntless. Their closet has both of their clothes, his toothbrush is with hers, and he falls back into the habit of cooking her dinner while she dozes on the couch.
They're happy.
Two weeks after his arrival, he accompanies Tris to her next ultrasound. He clutches her hand as they hear their baby's heartbeat together for the first time. There is a pause on before starting and the technician turns to them.
"Did you want to see the baby?" He asks.
Tris looks up at Eric and he nods his head.
"At this point of your pregnancy the sex of your child may be obvious while watching live, is this something either of you will want to know?"
They share a glance again, "I'm ready, babe." Eric replies.
Tris turns to the tech, "Yes, please."
The exam begins and Eric is in awe, seeing his child for the first time in real time.
"Wow." He murmurs, "Look at the profile, Tris, my god it looks like my brother. The forehead and nose, that's my brother."
"And you too," She says, "Those Coulter genes are strong."
They continue to watch their child move inside of Tris's stomach and suddenly the technician pauses, "Are you ready to know?"
"Yeah." Eric says and the technician prints a couple of stills before speaking again.
"You're having a boy." He smiles at them.
"Oh my goodness." Tris whispers.
"I can't believe you can see him like this, he looks so real, so perfect. Look at his foot," He points to the screen and she can feel the tears running down her face, "Five little toes, oh shit he's on the move now, do you ever feel it when he does that babe?" He finally looks at her, "No tears, you know I can't do those." He smiles at her and she reaches for his face.
"You're crying too," She replies as she wipes his cheeks.
"I didn't expect it, I didn't expect to actually see his features like that, or his feet or hands and everything. His profile is just like Jason and me." He shakes his head.
"He's perfect."
The technician finishes up and then wipes Tris's belly, "I'll give you two some time." He smiles before he walks out of the room.
"I was wrong. My reaction, my hesitance, even the bullshit in my head I didn't even mention, all of it's wrong. We can do this, together. I want him and I want you. I'm sure. I'm in. One hundred percent, Tris, I am in. We're having a baby, a son, and I'm in."
"Promise me you're okay with this."
"I'm terrified babe, but I promise you I'm okay. We can do this."
They spend the rest of the day together, lounging in bed, where they alternate between sex and food depending on Tris's mood. He draws her a bath and makes her dinner, and they spend the rest of the evening making plans to finally announce their pregnancy to their family outside of Milwaukee.
He follows her into her bedroom, where he crawls in bed with her and wraps her in his arms. She notices his hand wanders down to her belly, and he keeps rubbing it idly until he falls asleep. She's exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and she lets the sound of his breathing lull her to sleep.
The next time she wakes up it's her bladder that causes it, and she slowly makes her way into the attached bedroom. While she's washing her hands, she takes a longer look at herself in the mirror, turning so she can actually see her bump. She's been so detached, so afraid of bonding with the baby inside of her just to have to give him away. She's kept every visit and appointment as informal as possible in case she decided not to keep him.
She lifts the loose shirt and rubs her hands along her belly, "I think we should name you Jason. He was your uncle, and your daddy misses him so much." She says quietly and she can feel him moving inside of her, "Oh wow, you like that idea."
"I do too." Eric says quietly from the doorway.
"Come here." She says and reaches for his hands. She places them around her belly, pressing slightly, "Talk to him, Eric."
"I don't know what to say. Can he even hear me?" He asks and suddenly they can both feel him move, "Oh my god."
"Keep talking baby, he likes it." Tris prompts.
"I'm your dad. I think your mom and I have decided to name you Jason, that was your uncle, and I'm telling you he was a great guy. You couldn't have a better name-" He stops when he feels what feels like flutters, "Babe, what is that?" He looks at Tris.
"He's kicking. He's not stopped moving since you started talking to him. He likes this." She says.
"I'm sorry if you heard any of the other stuff. I've been confused. I'm scared. I love your mom so much though, and we love you." Eric leans down and presses his lips to her belly and she runs her fingers through his curly hair.
"We can do this."
He looks up at her, "Yeah we can."
They spend the next week working together, sharing her office and her desk while both supported their home city. He shadowed Tris while she worked with Lydia, and like Tris he found that he both understood and respected the way she ran her city.
"Things here are so smooth, it's almost too good to be true." He shakes his head when they're alone in her office.
"I know, but it's like this most days. They have a very focused government, and they let their people vote on decisions. It's most like Amity if I had to compare it to anything else, with a more structured format." She explains.
"I like it out here." He says, surprising her.
"It's hard not to fall in love." She smiles at him.
Eric spends two more weeks with Tris, in her apartment, and taking the time to spend time with her huge extended family. Her cousins talked him into staying long enough for one more family dinner before he left for required meetings in Chicago, and they thoughtfully turned it into an impromptu party to celebrate their formal pregnancy announcement. Eric finds himself having a great time even with the crowded house, and he realizes just how hard it is going to be to leave her here.