Marshall's paws trembled as he opened the pill bottle of his medication, anxious anticipation for his first day for work. He was there to get more paws on experience above all else and expose himself to new injuries and thusly, new techniques to be learned. Any dog in his position would have been ecstatic to get started. But Marshall was still stuck in the past, roughly 12 hours ago, the memory of kissing Cody played on a loop in his head. And he had never felt more conflicted in his life.
What's more was his equal hatred for Ryder's rules and himself for hurting Cody as much as he had. Frustrated that things couldn't change. Anxious about the uncertainty of his future.
Letting out a sigh, he looked himself over in the mirror of his pup house, nodding to his reflection and taking in a deep breath. Just do my best and forget the rest, he thought.
The lookout was in the same mess he had left in in last night, and he sighed, already knowing that he would have to organize the team later today to clean up. Repositioning his bag over his shoulder, he made his way outside and the cool morning air woke him up and chilled his lungs with each breath. He looked the driveway over before he about passed out at the sight of a familiar car still parked in their driveway. Cody's car. Letting out a sigh he walked over to the driver-side door and looked through the window.
Passed out with his head resting on the steering wheel, Cody slept. Marshall opened the door and nudged him, getting mumbles in return as Cody repositioned his head and buried it in his arms.
"Cody." Marshall pushed his shoulder harder until the cattle dog lifted his head slowly. Marshall swallowed what frustration he was feeling at the sight of the dog. His eyes were half open as he looked up at Marshall.
"Whatt are you doinng here?" he said, rubbing his eyes with one paw and holding his head with the other.
"Let me drive." Throwing Cody's arm around his neck, and pulled the half asleep, half drunk, dog out of his car and moved him into the passenger seat.
"Marshall," Cody groaned once he was seated and reaching out a paw for the wheel as if to pull himself back over. For a moment Marshall thought he was becoming coherent, but those thoughts fizzled out as Cody threw the passenger door open and emptied his stomach onto the asphalt.
Marshall reached into his bag and pulled out a water and handed it to the cattle dog, who looked at him with confusion and guilt. "Drink this, we have work today."
I will not take pity on this half drunk dog, no matter how cute he is, I have rules to follow. Marshall steeled his nerves and started the car and drove them to the hospital.
Along the ride, Marshall continued to feel the same feelings in such close proximity to Cody, frustration and longing. It was hard to focus on the road, and Marshall prayed he would have an easier time once work began. He glanced periodically at his passenger, trying to find the spots in his fur under his eyes that Marshall liked, but could only see so much of him with his hood over his head leaning against the door frame, snoring softly. Marshall knew it would be easier to look at him now, as he slept, compared to when he was awake, and sober.
When he pulled into the parking lot, Cody's nap seemed to do him some good and sober him up to a functioning level. Cody was able to get out himself, and Marshall handed him his keys, avoiding his gaze, and they walked into the hospital together. This moment was supposed to be special. They talked about what would happen during Marshall's first day, whether they would wear matching sunglasses and walk in like they owned the pace, or if they would arrive early and talk to the chief and try and get on his good side.
Thanks to last night though, there special moment was reduced to them walking through the doors in silence. Cody pointed Marshall in the direction to the locker room and split up with him to get some much-needed coffee.
Marshall moved swiftly to the changing room where he would find his new scrubs and wristwatch. He pulled out his old watch and pressed the back of each device together and a yellow light glowed between them until it flashed green. Now that his data was transferred to his new watch, he put his old one on his pocket, determined to put it back where Cody had borrowed it from, when a blue paw print notification flashed across his new watches' screen. He tiled his head and clicked on the Pawstagram icon and scrolled through the pictures that Biker-Frenchie87 had posted. Whoever he was, he had been present at his party last night.
There were some of him, some of the crazier townspeople with lampshades on their heads, and a picture of Gasket chugging a beer. Now Marshall was sure who had taken these.
Scrolling to the last picture his blood turned to ice in his veins but once the shock wore off it was replaced by white hot fire.
He didn't care who took the picture, but who was in it. Who Rocky was kissing. Cody. It could have been anyone else and he would have chalked it up to gossipy nonsense. Why did it have to be him?
Hot breaths left his muzzle as the other humans and dogs in the room, conversing and getting changed, became invisible as they filed in, some clocking in and others clocking out. It was all background noise to the Dally as he glanced over his shoulder to the entrance, keeping an eye out for the one dog he did not want to see right now. Maybe he went home, Marshall hoped.
"Thanks again," Cody said, appearing from his left, paws neatly pressed together on the floor. His breath smelled like coffee.
Marshall, about to explode, turned to Cody and he swallowed his words when he saw the state of his friend. Cody's fur was ruffled, his scrubs wrinkled, and the dried streaks under his red eyes were unmistakable.
In an instant Marshall's anger melted away and he leaned against his locker, taking in deep breath.
"I couldn't let you drive like that," Marshall said and turned to work his locker combination with his paw.
"Can we talk?" Cody took a step closer.
Marshall tensed as his scent overwhelmed him. Frustratedly, Marshall twirled with his combination and tried to unlatch his locker, but it remained shut. "Now isn't the best time."
Cody's frown deepened. "We don't have rounds for another ten minutes and after last night. I wanted to--"
Marshall yanked at his handle, shaking the door twice before he tried the combination again, mumbling to himself.
"Marshall, I need to tell you something." Cody placed a paw on his shoulder. Marshall flinched away from the cattle dog.
"Don't. . . don't. Touch. Me." Marshall breathed. He held his paw up as a shield and went back to working the lock.
Cody stumbled back awkwardly. "Sorry."
Marshall let out a growl and slammed his paw into the metal door with a loud bang and turned on Cody.
"Are you trying to sabotage me? Is that what you're doing?"
Cody's ears fell and he darted his eyes over the dally, looking for something. "What? No! What do you mean?"
"You know what I'm talking about. Last night. You came onto me, and I rejected you. I can't have you. What do you think that does to me? And then you go and do what? Act out, kiss my friend? To make me angry, to hurt me back?"
Cody narrowed his eyes. "He kissed me for your information." Shaking his head, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and froze at the entrance to the locker room, looking back at him.
"Ryder loves you Marshall, do you really think that would change if he knew?"
"I'm not going to take that chance, not right now, not ever." Marshall let out a shaky breath. "I think it would be best if we remain work colleagues, nothing more."
Marshall watched him go, each step away from him made the empty pit in his stomach grow. He placed his head against his locker, mumbling to himself, when his lock clicked, opening when he pulled on the handle. "Unbelievable."
Marshall spent the remainder of the day tending to patients, doing paperwork, and stuffing his face with high calorie foods in an attempt to fill the pit, but nothing changed. And by the end of his shift, the one dog he longed to call and tell him all about his day, was out of his reach. But it had to be this way.
Ryder's rules were very specific, that no pup was allowed to enter into a new relationship without prior authorization or if they lacked maturity, which didn't even address the real problem with asking. In all of the scenarios that he played through, none of them ended with a pat on the head, an understanding conversation, or his blessing to date Cody. All of those ideal situations seemed just as out of reach as his friend did.
Marshall was at a loss for words. He was at a loss for action or any direction about where to go from here. It wasn't supposed to be this way. As he got changed into his street clothes at the end of the day, he rubbed his eyes as his body began to shut down, telling him that he had about an hour max, to get home, eat something, and find an appropriate place to lie down before it shut down. And he had yet to face the part of the day he had been dreading most. He opened the front doors to the hospital and found the source of his discomfort.
Cody sat leaned against a concrete cube, waiting patiently with his hood up over his ears. His paws shoved in his pockets and his gaze was glazed over and unfocused. His body rocked back and forth as the wind blew against him. If he was trying to hide, then his black hoodie wasn't enough to conceal him in the shadows, and Marshall picked him out among the traffic outside in the stary night.
His approach was slow, part of him was dreading the outcome. Cody looked so out of it this morning, and Marshall hadn't seen him through their shift, and could only imagine that his mood wouldn't have improved once he got his mind back and remembered everything.
"Hey."
"Hey," Cody said, gazing up at him, and Marshall's fears were confirmed; the tear streaks on his muzzle were fresh.
"Are you ok?"
"Look Marshall, I don't . . . I don't really feel like talking right now. . . Can you just . . drive me home, please?"
"I know you're hurting and . . ."
"Marshall, please. I can't have this conversation with you right now, I can't handle it."
"Ok," Marshall held up a paw. "Forget it." Honestly, Marshall wasn't prepared either to continue their conversation from earlier. He was too drained and wanted this day to end just as bad as Cody seemed to want. The night was quiet, and they quickly made it to Cody's car.
"You ok to drive?" Marshall asked.
"Ya." Cody said, unlocking his car and slipping inside.
Marshall felt every vibration, every bump in the road, every ounce of awkwardness between them as they drove home and Cody's scent only tormented him more as he looked out the window.
"So, how did your first day go?"
Marshall tried to catch his eye but Cody was solely focused on the road.
"I helped a lot of people today," Marshall said, "I should feel more fulfilled but I'm honestly exhausted."
Cody hummed to himself and cracked a sad smile. " The tiredness never goes away, but you feel better about the difference you make with time."
Nodding to himself he looked back out the window, watching as streetlights came and went as the forest gave way to the sleepy town. The buildings looked different in the night, void of any people, asleep in their own sense. Marshall wondered how the patients he had been assigned today were sleeping as land fell from under them and the bridge cradled them, and ocean waves passed underneath them, shimmering in the moonlight rays.
Cody parked by the lookout at the front entrance. Marshall got out on sleepy legs that were complaining that they were still having to work at this hour and grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder, groaning as he did. Had it gotten heavier?
He adjusted his bag over his shoulder and hesitated to close the door. Cody wiped his face and took in a deep breath, seeming to avoid his gaze.
"Take care of yourself tonight, ok?" Marshall said, leaning on the open door.
"Ya, sure."
Marshal closed the door and he drove off, leaving Marshall to stew in the uncomfortable yet calming silence. Cody was bad off, no doubt about it, but Marshall was expecting him to be a lot worse. At least they were still talking.
Walking past the other's houses he made his way to his own pup house, when a noise from the neighboring house gained his attention. It was muffled at first, but Marshall had been around enough patients to recognize the sound of stifled crying when he heard it. It was coming from Skye's house.
Hesitating at the door, he went back and forth whether getting involved was a good idea. But he decided that Skye was more important than sleeping, and he put his needs off again. But he was used to his desires going unmet.
As he knocked on the door, rummaging and shaky breaths could be heard from inside, and the door opened revealing a disheveled Skye, whose eyes went wide at the sight of Marshall.
"Marshall? Wh. . ." she trailed off, wiping her eyes.
"Can I come in?"
Skye nodded and stepped to the side and let Marshall inside.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping in your new room?"
"I can't sleep in there; everything smells like Rocky." Her voice was hollow, weak and fragile.
Marshall looked down at his paws for a suitable answer. "What happened?"
"I broke up with him, I had to," she let out a sigh. "I'll be ok."
Marshall looked at her. Fidgeting with his paws as a more urgent question surfaced. "So, did you eat anything today?"
Skye turned around and produced a pink bowl, kibble scattered and moved around as she placed it in front of him. "What I could," she said, with a small smile.
"Good."
"I'm sorry Marshall, sorry Rocky picked Cody out of everyone. Are you two ok?"
Marshall was too tired to try and come up with lies and cover up stories. "We could be better. He is taking it hard, but that isn't all Rocky's fault."
"I can't imagine how you must be feeling."
"He is a good friend. I hate to see him so upset."
Skye looked at him expectantly and placed a paw on his shoulder. "Marshall. You don't have to pretend around me."
Marshall looked at her in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"
"Do you really think I didn't know? You're practically my brother."
"But how?" Marshall said with his mouth agape.
"It was actually Everest who figured it out. She told me she would catch you starring at either Chase or Rocky while she was talking with you. That she could never get your attention enough, until she figured it out."
Marshall tried to rack his brain, thinking back to any time when she would have made any sort of indication that she liked him like that. He didn't find any.
"Skye, I don't. . ."
She shushed him and hugged him. "Whatever you choose, just know that I will always love you the same.
Marshall had to hold back his tears, finally feeling accepted, finally feeling understood by someone on the team, a family member, a sister.
"Thank you, Skye."
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
Marshall's answer was immediate. "At the moment, sleep." Because if he were honest with himself, he had no idea how to actually answer that question. How could he possibly answer what she was really asking?