AN: Apologies for the late Epilogue, it was originally written in a way that I didn't quite like, so I revised it and tried to tie everything up. Thank you all for taking this journey with me.
It took a few years, but Tris eventually visited Portland.
She didn't know if Jeanine was still out there, she had no idea if that coffee shop she was running with Max even still existed, but she had to give it a shot. Once she'd made it to the city, she'd looked up the coffee shops, calling each one and asking to speak to someone named Kate. She'd called five different places without any luck, but the sixth one was the charm. The young man who answered said that Kate would be in later that day, and Tris had thanked him before disconnecting the call.
She was nervous, fidgeting with her blonde locks, trying to tame the frizziness that the damp weather caused her normally straight hair. She applied layers of mascara to her light lashes, darkening them in a dramatic contrast to her ice blue eyes.
"Momma pretty." Her tow headed toddler called from his spot outside her door.
Jason, or Jase as everyone called him, had just turned three, and they'd had a festive dinosaur themed birthday party at her cousin Adam's house. He and his wife Sarah had a pool, and Jase's favorite place to be was in the water splashing around with his cousins.
It was also neutral ground, one of the few places she and Eric could be around each other since their separation.
"Thank you buddy." She smiles down at her little boy. His curly hair was all Eric, along with his facial features and overall size, but his light blonde hair and ice blue eyes were all Tris, something she'd also inherited from her mother.
She and Eric had tried to make it work when Jase was born, but once again Eric had gotten cold feet and he hightailed it back to Portland not even two weeks after his birth. He changed his mind after being gone for ten days, but Tris didn't care, she had him served with divorce papers and filed for full custody of their son.
He didn't sign the divorce papers, but he agreed to give her full custody of Jase. For Tris, it was enough.
Jase had remained in Milwaukee with Tris, and he was surrounded by family that adored him. Caleb and Tobias had moved to the city as well, and had adopted a little girl they named Cadence who was just a few months older than Jase. They had a host of other cousins and extended family friends, and just last year Andrew Prior had finally retired and moved to Milwaukee as well to join his family there. It was a happy time for Tris, but her baby boy was growing up with a father who only existed through financial support. She hated it for him.
Eric was invited to Jase's first birthday party, and he surprisingly showed up. It was the first time he'd seen his son in person since he left after his birth. It was emotional, and trying, but after that visit he'd promised to be more present. He'd begun video calling, and sending Jase gifts, and he'd even travel to Milwaukee to visit. Tris wanted nothing to do with him, and thankfully during his visits to Milwaukee her father Andrew would facilitate time between Eric and his son.
However, the past year had brought some growth, and Tris and Eric tentatively began communicating again outside of their forced interactions for their son. He'd been in therapy ever since receiving the divorce papers from Tris, and he'd made great progress in dealing with his own faults when it came to how he had single-handedly ruined his marriage and basically abandoned his son.
His first contact with Tris was a handwritten letter, the first she'd seen since the one he wrote to her the night before they took the box to Jeanine. In this one, he apologized for everything. He laid out, in great detail, the things he did wrong in their relationship and in his lack of relationship with his son. He finally took responsibility for hurting her, and he begged for a chance to be a father to his son.
She was understandably wary of his intentions. She'd heard how dark he'd become upon his return to Portland, and how he'd drowned himself in alcohol and meaningless sexual encounters after he'd been served with divorce papers and Tris believed she'd made the best possible decision by filing for divorce even if Eric never would sign the papers.
She'd not been in a serious relationship since their separation, focusing on Jase and her job, and spending her free time with her family. She'd had Christina, Will and their twins out for a visit, and she and Jase had visited them in New York, but this was the first time the two of them would actually be in Portland to visit Eric.
It's also the first time she'd see her birth mother again, a woman who'd have no idea who she even was.
Eric and Tris had spent time together before now, but it was a secret that not even her best friend or family knew. They'd both travel for their jobs, him as part of the Portland City Police Force, her as a Financial Advisor for the city of Milwaukee, and they'd begun to plan their visits across the various cities together. They'd even travelled to New York together, where Christina, Will and their family now lived, without anyone knowing they were staying there together.
They just didn't have sex, a line that they made a conscious decision not to cross, since they shared a son who they wouldn't eventually want to confuse with their behavior. They'd both had sexual relationships with other people since their separation, but neither had ever introduced a sexual partner to the son they shared and loved. The time they spent together was dedicated to rebuilding the friendship they once had, and working through the years of pain and hurt that Eric had caused with each time he'd left Tris.
They were in a good place again, once again sharing a close friendship like they had years ago in Dauntless, and she finally agreed to a personal trip with Jase to the city Eric now called home.
"Okay buddy, are you ready to go to the coffee shop?" She asked and Jase happily scampered to her side.
Tris hasn't told Eric she'd tracked down Jeanine, and he had no idea that she and Jase were already in town. She was afraid he'd continue to talk her out of seeing Jeanine face to face, and this was something she needed to do to find closure.
They made the short walk from their hotel to the shop, where she found they had expanded into a bakery and coffee shop. They're greeted by the smell of coffee and baked goods, and Jase excitedly points to the glass case that shows all of the beautiful pastries and breads.
"Wow." Tris says as she looks around.
"Momma, they have 'sants!" Jase says excitedly, pointing to the beautiful croissants in the case.
"The best in Portland, made fresh by my husband this morning." A woman's voice calls out and Tris's stomach drops.
It's her.
Her platinum blonde hair is still bright, but there are a few streaks of white, barely noticeable with her naturally light color. Her smile is natural and wide showing her perfect teeth, and her eyes are bright and blue, and it reminds Tris of seeing her own in the mirror that very morning.
"Hi." Tris says nervously.
"Hello there. I'm Kate, my husband Lamar and I own this place, and we sure are happy to have you here! I don't think I've seen you in here before, are you from Portland?"
"We're here to see my Daddy!" Jase announces excitedly and Tris watches as Jeanine/Kate smiles down at Jase.
Her grandson.
"Well that's wonderful!" She then turns her attention to Tris, "Where are you visiting from?"
"Milwaukee." Tris says and Kate nods her head.
"We have many visitors from there, and even some people who've relocated permanently. Portland has really grown and come into itself."
She then proceeds to answer all of Jase's questions about the various pastries as Tris watches in awe.
"You sure do look familiar." Tris hears her say and she hitches a breath, but exhales slowly as she notices that Kate's attention is still on Jase.
"He looks a lot like his dad." Tris says and Kate nods.
"His name wouldn't happen to be Eric would it?" She asks and Tris nods, "Oh yes, he's one of my regulars. He and my husband are as thick as thieves, it's as if they've always known each other." She laughs.
A chill passes down Tris's spine.
They eventually order croissants, coffee and hot chocolate that Kate promises to cool down with milk. Jase is coloring when Eric finally walks in.
He was surprised when Tris agreed to travel to Portland to visit him, and even more surprised when she'd said she was already in town and at the coffee shop he'd known that Max and Jeanine worked at.
Jase barrels towards his father, and Eric picks him up and wraps his arms around the little boy. He has a beard now, his hair is shaggy and curly and he looks relaxed. She'd known he'd had his leadership tattoos removed, but it was still so surreal to see him wearing a plaid shirt and jeans, and not caring that his hair wasn't perfectly gelled.
The only thing he'd kept were the small gauges he still wore in his ears, which were much like the ones she also now wore.
His eyes travel over her and she's just as beautiful as the last time he saw her. Her blonde hair is long, but she's got it braided and draped over her shoulder. He notices her tiny gauges, a thin gold hoop in her nostril, and the dark red lipstick she now wears. Her eyes are still framed by those mascara darkened lashes and there's a tied off bandanna holding her hair away from her face. This is their tenth trip together in the year since they've been rebuilding their friendship, but he knows this one is an important turning point since it doesn't involve work, and she agreed to bring their son.
He has hope.
"You didn't tell me your little boy was coming for a visit." Kate says as she brings Tris and Jase their order, along with coffee and a chocolate muffin for Eric.
"They surprised me by accepting," He grins and she smacks him playfully with her towel.
"You still could have warned me that I'd be meeting the people you talk about all the time. Did Lamar know? I'll kick his butt!" She scolds.
He shakes his head, "I'd told him I asked them, but I didn't know for sure that they were coming." He glances over at Tris and smiles.
Kate excuses herself when more customers come in, and Eric takes the time to help his son with his cocoa. Tris smiles at them as she pulls her own croissant apart.
"Didn't know you were a regular here." She drops casually.
"I wasn't at first, but I'd keep running into Lamar around town when we were first rebuilding out here, and we became friends. It was really weird." Eric admits.
"I imagine it was. Does he ever remember?" She asks and Eric shakes his head.
"Nothing. But it's almost like he's who I imagine he would have been had the hunger for power not overtaken him. She is too." Eric says quietly.
"Good."
They talk more, mostly with Jase as he excitedly shows Eric his drawings. They end up walking around the city, taking in all of the sights. It's obvious Eric is proud of what he's accomplished there, and Tris graciously compliments his work.
Later, when Jase is asleep with his head on Eric's shoulder, their conversation shifts, "Would the two of you stay with me while you're here? I have a guest room, it has its own bathroom, and Jase can stay in the foldout in my office." He says.
"All of our stuff is at the hotel." She argues.
"We can get it in the morning."
"I don't want to confuse him, Eric." She says quietly and he reaches his hand up and rubs his son's back.
"We won't." He promises. She once again surprises him by agreeing to follow him home.
Even though they'd been having some of the best conversations since they've known each other over this past year, he knows that they've both had a hard time with their separation. Both were nervous when they'd gotten to his apartment and gotten Jase situated in the fold out bed, and Tris was surprised when she'd found the bed already made for Jase, along with pajamas and other clothes in his size, and toys and blankets with the dinosaur patterns he loves.
"I don't drink anymore, but I do have water, soda, juice-"
"Whatever you're having is good with me." She interrupts and he brings them each a glass of ice water.
"This is a nice place." Tris remarks as she looks around, "Looks different than when we video chat."
"You usually only see my room." He shrugs.
"Why did you want us to stay here?" She asks.
"I've not been there for a lot, and videos don't give me the whole picture when it comes to being Jase's dad. I just want to have him here. Baths. Bed. Wake ups. All of the in between." He says.
"There's a lot in between." She reminds him.
"I know."
Their first few nights in town are a bit awkward once Jase goes to bed, but they're still enjoying their time together. By their fourth night, she and Eric have fallen into a routine of talking over a game of chess, something he'd taught her to play many years before.
They spend their next few days in a comfortable bubble, and they're happy. They've visited the coffee shop regularly, and even though her birth mother has no idea who she is, there's a part of her that believes this could have been who she was if she never lost her focus. Much like Eric had said about Max, Tris believed that the person that Jeanine became after she was memory wiped and reborn as Kate could have been who Jeanine was all along had she not become consumed by power and following her father's quest to eliminate the Divergent.
The last night that Tris and Jase are in town is when Tris finally talks to Eric about his friendship with Lamar and Kate, who they've seen every day since being in town.
"You heard her today Eric, she kept mentioning how much I looked like her when she was younger. It almost feels like she remembers." Tris says once they've gotten Jase to bed.
"She doesn't. She notices that Jase looks like me and that your features are a lot like hers. That doesn't mean she can beat a complete memory wipe and replacement." He says gently, "I had those moments at first with Lamar. Sometimes with the way he laughs or the way he's quick-witted to respond to my sarcasm, I felt like Max was still in there. He's not."
"Isn't it hard for you to see them all the time?" She asks and when he brushes his hand down her cheek she realizes she's crying.
"It was at first. Not like you at all, because that's your birth mother."
"You and Max were close too." She replies.
"It was a whole different life babe."
She glances up at him, and she can tell he's surprised that he slipped with the term of endearment she's not heard in so long.
"It's been a long time since you've called me that." She says quietly.
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay." She says, "It's been nice with us, all of the conversations we've had, I can tell just how far you've come."
"Do you think you'll ever forgive me?" He asks.
"I already have forgiven you, I told you that last month when we were in Detroit. However, I won't forget."
He looks over at her, "That's the best I can ask for. Tris, I know we promised to never cross lines again, but I would really like for us to try again. I want us to be a family. I don't want to finalize the divorce." He says.
"We are already a family, and we've been separated for almost three years now, Eric. I think it's time we finalized the divorce." She argues and his grey eyes stare into hers.
"I don't want to finalize the divorce. I want to try again." He states.
"We both know that it can't happen again." She shakes her head.
"Why can't it?"
"Because we would break Jase's heart if it doesn't work out." She points out.
"But I think it can work. The past year we've been talking every day, we've talked through everything, I put it all out there Tris, every part of me that I'm ashamed of. I hated myself for leaving you and Jase, I fucking despised who I became when I ended up back out here. I have no excuses, I was a coward who didn't think I could be a good father, and I wanted to be a leader again. I'm sorry, you know how sorry I am-"
"I do, but none of that means you won't do it again."
"I won't. I promise you that."
"You've promised that before." Tris reminds him gently.
"I love you. I've loved you for so long, and I love our son. I made mistakes, huge unforgivable mistakes, and I'm so sorry babe. I want to come home to Milwaukee and be with my family again. I want you. I want our son and I want our life. Please."
"You know that I love you too. I tell you that every time you've said it to me, but we both know that love was never our issue. You've taken off every time life got a little too much for you, and Jase deserves better." She replies.
"You also deserve better. Let me prove to you that this time will be different. Give me a chance."
"Eric…"
"Tris, neither of us have completely moved on. We've had nothing more than meaningless sex with people who don't even matter to us. We both know it."
"You carried on with Gina for quite a while." She accuses, reminding him of the woman that he'd repeatedly been with.
"That ended when you and I began working on us again." He argues.
"So for over a year you've been celibate?"
"I have. Have you still been sleeping with Peter while we worked on us?" He counters.
She gapes at him, never expecting to have mentioned Peter Hayes to her. Her fling with Peter was just that, a casual thing that would happen any time she travelled to Chicago for work or he to Milwaukee. They'd never actually been friends back in Chicago, the two much too competitive and alike to ever acknowledge they could have been friends.
"I had no idea you knew about him." She replies quietly.
"Peter and I had a pretty intense fight about it. I had no right to even confront him when I was in Chicago, because by that time we'd been separated for a while and I'd all but abandoned you, I just was afraid you'd fall for him." He shrugs.
"I didn't."
"He did." Eric's eyes meet hers and she reaches for his hand. They thread their fingers together and he brings her hand to his mouth, pressing his lips against it.
"I know, that's why we ended the physical part." She says, "I've also not been with anyone else this past year while we worked on our issues."
"That tells me you want more than a co-parenting relationship with me, Tris."
"You need to focus on Jase." She replies firmly.
"I want to be his father, Tris. Not just through phone calls, videos or sporadic visits. I want to be there for his first day of school, everything. I missed all of his other firsts. I love Jase so much, and I want to be present."
She watches him, the sheen of tears in his eyes, and the way his hand never leaves hers, "I can't promise you anything except this: if you are to move back to Milwaukee and find a place of your own, you will be able to spend as much time with Jase as you'd want."
He looks at her and smiles, "Thank you. What about the divorce, Tris? Can we just see what happens once I'm back in Milwaukee?"
"Let's just start with you being back in Milwaukee." She replies firmly.
When they leave Portland, her heart is heavy, because even though Eric said he wanted to be back in Milwaukee with them, she doubts he'll ever leave the life he's built in Portland behind. Over the last year that they've been fixing their friendship and co-parenting relationship he's told her many times he was going to leave Portland and move to Milwaukee to be closer to Jase, and he never does.
Seventeen days later, she's proven wrong.
Eric moved back, accepting a position as the Associate Chief of Police for Milwaukee, and he'd rented an apartment in the same building as Tris and Jase. Suddenly, Jase had his father a mere six floors down from him, and Eric kept his word and spent as much time with his son as possible. He'd made a room for Jase in his small apartment, forgoing the option to have a private home office, and he and Tris tentatively began spending more time together too. Andrew worried about his son-in-law's return to Milwaukee, but after almost three months of Eric being there Tris began bringing him to the large dinners they'd have every Sunday as a family as well, and everyone could see that there was the slightest shift in the relationship between Eric and Tris.
Tris and Eric felt it too, and they'd quietly been going to counseling together ever since he'd arrived back in town. Their sessions began as co-parenting and how to heal themselves as individuals who have hurt each other profoundly in order to come together to parent their son. Those sessions began to shift to building their relationship and allowing themselves to be vulnerable and transparent with each other in order to trust each other again. They loved each other deeply, and they were finally both on the same page in what they wanted from their time together. They finally made the decision to remain married, not just on paper, but to actually be a married couple and give their marriage all they had.
Jase heartily accepted his parents actually being together. He'd barely turned four when Eric moved from his apartment into the apartment Tris shared with Jase, after almost two full years of working on their relationship, and the little boy was happy to have had his dad back at home. Tris and Eric remained committed to each other and their relationship, and a few months after Jase turned five they renewed their wedding vows in a large ceremony that included all of their Milwaukee family, friends from the city, and all of the friends they'd made in Chicago that were now scattered across the country.
They'd gotten pregnant almost immediately after, this time with twins and their second son Logan Benjamin Coulter was born looking just like Eric and Jase, while their daughter Layla Rose Coulter was a clone of Tris.
When Tris and the twins first got home, she worried that Eric would leave again. There was absolutely nothing in his behavior to make her think that he would, but she still had anxiety that was apparent to everyone around her. Eric did his best to calm her fears, and there were many times you'd find him around the city with two tiny babies bundled up in a carrier to his chest and his older son's hand in his while they let their stressed out mother rest.
Eric was a good father, better than he'd ever thought he'd be, and Tris dared to tell him that he was an even better father than he had been leader. It was the highest compliment he could have gotten from his wife, and he cherished her words.
They had one more child, much unplanned, a year after the twins were born. Their last child, a boy that this time shared both of their features, was named Jacob Tyler Coulter, and he rounded out their little family. They'd bought a house in the same neighborhood as her cousin Adam, with a pool at Jase's request, and they'd settled in nicely. Eric had moments of regret, but those regrets were that he missed the first year of his oldest son's life where so many milestones were made because he'd been too scared to be a father back then.
"I also missed so much time with you. We had years we could have been together, we could have had the kids closer in age. So much babe." He says to her once they have everyone in bed.
"We got married for the wrong reasons back then Eric."
He watches her as she dries the bottles before handing them to him to put away, "We did," He finally agrees, "but I'm glad that we never got divorced."
The next day she's surprised to see an outside piece of mail sitting in the inbox file that hangs on her office door. She was running a bit behind, even though she and Eric usually split the duties of dropping Jase off at school, and Logan, Layla and Jacob off at daycare, he'd been called away from the city for a short trip to Detroit so she was on her own.
She notices the return address is from Kate Lawson in Portland, and she opens the envelope and removes a letter. As soon as she reads the greeting, she knows that everything is about to change.
Dearest Beatrice,
I've been tempted to pick up the phone many times to tell you that Lamar's curiosity got the best of him, to tell you that we now both know that we had an entire life in Chicago before being memory wiped and sent here, but I couldn't find the courage to do so. Lamar left the city last month unauthorized, after he'd learned that we were lied to about Chicago's existence, and he knew he had to find out who the two of us really are. To say we were shocked by what we learned would be an understatement of the greatest regard.
I have no idea who I was when I was known as Jeanine Matthews. I can tell you with my full honesty that I have no memory of the life I led there, but in what Lamar brought home I realize I was indeed a despicable person, to everyone, but mostly to you. I now know the lengths that you and Eric went through to stop Lamar and me from destroying you both, and I also now know that your husband almost died because of me. An apology isn't enough but I am offering it to you.
I also now know that there is a biological reason that I see myself in you, and in your children.
The fact that you and Eric have been able to develop a friendship with Lamar and me speaks volumes to both of your characters, and I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. I'd love to get to know you as my daughter, if you would allow me to do so, and in turn maybe you can get to know the person I am now. Even though I know my memories are no longer my own, I'd like a chance to show you that Lamar and I are not the monsters Jeanine and Max that you remember.
I am so very sorry for the atrocities we caused.
All my love,
Katherine
Tris puts the letter down and dries the tears that are falling freely from her eyes. She texts her husband, and he calls her within minutes.
"I got the same type of letter from Lamar." He says once she's answered his call.
"What do we do? We've finally gotten into a good place with them with maintaining a friendship, and now they want to be a part of our kids' lives." Tris says through tears.
"We don't owe them anything more than the friendship we've already given them babe. Our kids have my parents and your dad, they have their Uncles Caleb and Tobias, they have the whole slew of Priors out here, and we don't have to give Kate or Lamar access to anything more than we already have." He replies.
"What if I wanted to?" She asks timidly.
"Then we make the decision together, that's what we do." He replies gently.
"I think I'm ready for that, Eric. I know that Kate and Lamar aren't Jeanine and Max anymore, but I think I'm ready to have them as a part of our family. I'm ready for a mother." She says in a broken voice.
"Okay babe, you have my support, whatever you need." He replies.
She tells him she loves him before disconnecting their call. She then dials the number that Kate included in her letter, and waits for her to answer. When she hears the familiar voice on the other side of the call, she finally speaks.
"I got your letter Kate, and I'm ready to move forward. I'd love to get to know you, as your daughter." Tris says nervously.
"My dear Tris, I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear you say that." Kate says through tears of her own.
Tris smiles and takes a deep breath, ready to jump headfirst into the life she'd always wanted, with the people she's always loved by her side.