Trading Yesterday for Another Chapter 10: Am I Broken?, a percy jackson and the olympians fanfic

Chapter Nine: Am I Broken?

Disclaimer: I do not own Rick Riordan's
Percy Jackson and the Olympians
and the Heroes of Olympus Series, and I do not
own the songs I put into this book either.
I only own my fan made characters and of course
the plot line.

Added Songs – In Order of Appearance
Broken – Anson Seabra

~Author's Note~

Wow, guys… its been a year… a year. I can't believe so much time has passed. Admittedly I went through a pretty rough year but it was needed. I learned about myself and I finally think I have much better clarity so I present to you the update that should have happened last year. Do enjoy.

Sunlight rousing one from their slumber was always the sign that a new day was about to begin, that new opportunities and experiences were about to commence and that life was about to document new memories for all the eyes to see. When Annabeth woke up, she was confused about where she actually was.

This wasn't her bed, and this wasn't her bedding. The air in the room felt different, the smells of the room were so familiar but it wasn't what she remembered waking up to, but then again, she hadn't been to her own home for months, so she got used to being uncomfortable sleeping on the floor under the piano in her studio room.

What she was lying on was warm, firm but soft, and it moved.

Slowly as she looked at her hand resting on the abdomen of someone, she knew where she was as all the memories started coming back to her. She had come to see Percy. He had let her in, let her speak, they sang to each other in their anguish, they kissed, stripped bare and forgot the world and the past.

They used their hearts and bodies to forget the heartache that Annabeth had caused. Laid bare and just let themselves hide in each other before they had to confront reality the next day.

Annabeth just closed her eyes as she listened to his beating heart. As Annabeth shifted and looked up at Percy's face and saw him look absolutely peaceful, unlike how she found him yesterday. He looked so calm and serene and she almost wished that she could lock them away and forget the world actually existed.

Annabeth knew they would have to face it eventually. She sighed as she shifted and sat up being careful to not disturb Percy as she climbed out of bed and pulled on the first thing she found and put her underwear on and went to the bathroom.

She was as quiet as possible as she headed to the lounge, her mouth a bit parched as she walked into the room but stopped when she really had the chance to look in the room. It was safe to say she could see Percy had been struggling for a while and obviously drinking to cope with it all…

But there was one neat area in the room and it was something that she hadn't actually been here before her secret was revealed. It was a beautiful old piano, nothing grand, similar to those classic ones you learned at school.

She wondered why he had a piano in his home…

She walked over to it curiously, a light blush appearing on her cheeks as she remembered a moment through the night where they ended up back in the lounge and near this piano only she was too drunk on her feelings to realize what he lifted her onto in the middle of their night.

She touched her hand on the surface of the piano and looked opened the lid and looked underneath and felt her heart clench. There was an inscription on the inside.

To my love Anna-Marie,
my forever and always.
Love Peter.

This piano was once a gift to a woman that a man loved and it made her heart clench at the second inscription underneath that one.

To Anna,
Life isn't perfect,
But your love of music is endless,
like my love for you.
Follow your dreamed my princess,
I'll always be here with you.
love Percy.

Percy had inscribed a piano for her, here in his home. He was thinking of serious plans with them, and it just made her feel worse as she looked at the stool and opened it, finding inside a notebook and scraps of sheet music.

She couldn't help but pick up the papers and close the seat to sit down on the stool as she looked at the sheet music that seemed to have some notes written on it. She put the papers on the top of the piano and looked at the notebook and opened it and almost her soul started hurting as she read.

It was a therapy diary… one where you'd write down your feelings expressed your pain and hurt to escape from it all… she had one too. As she looked at the dates, her soul almost died each word she read.

The common thing in there was, "I wish I could hate her… but I still love her and miss her so much…" this was just sick twisted darkness of just how badly she had hurt him. He had built a connection with her, a deep deep deep one that hurt him more because he couldn't let his love for her go.

She stopped on the last page, it was different.

It wasn't a written notebook-style entry… it was almost like a poem… no song.

Percy had written another song.

As her eyes scanned the lyrics, she literally felt herself reading a deeply scaring mirror of herself. She felt a connection with the words, almost as if she had written them. As she looked between the lyrics in the notebook and the sheet music resting on the piano and something in her just clicked.

She opened the top of the piano and put the sheet music and lyrics next to each other. Being locked away and sheltering herself from the world, she tried to find herself loving music in some way, so she tried new things like learning to play the piano.

She had a lot of free time and never wanted to see the world so it was a comfort for her… even if it kept hurting her to try.

The chords were so simple… and she couldn't help but let her fingers dance over some of the chords. And as she touched them, she couldn't help herself but to start from the beginning and sing the song…

If you see the boy I used to be
Could you tell him that I'd like to find him
And if you see the shell that's left of me
Could you spare him a little kindness

She could almost visualize Percy as he wrote these words, and they both hid from the world since that night her secret was revealed and then she remembered his story and saw it all as she sang the song.

'Cause I've been high and I've been low
I've spent a thousand nights alone, tryna hold on tight
And feelings come but they won't go
Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind

She could feel the words choking her up as she got into the lyrics of the chorus and found everything in her trying to break as each word mirrored on her soul. She felt and lived every word he wrote to a great extent.

Am I broken?
Am I flawed?
Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I
Just another fake, fucked up lost cause?
And am I human?
Or am I something else?
'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there
To save me from the nightmare that I call myself

As the chords got a little more flow and body, and she felt everything in her growth as she sang a little more with her own emotions. She could visualize every word, see every moment of both her and Percy's lives in a perfect two-way mirror where neither could see each other. She almost didn't need to read the lyrics to sing them, she just sang them the way she used to sing a lot of her songs.

I've tried everything and anything
But nothing seems to work quite like it should
Between the madness and the apathy
Seems there's nothing left inside of me that's good

'Cause I've been high and I've been low
I've spent a thousand nights alone, tryna hold on tight
And feelings come but they won't go
Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind

Day and night, these words hit Percy and her heart hurt, soul cried and died as she realized what her secret had done to Percy, what his childhood and messed up life had done to him…

To the point where he didn't even know the difference between broken and slightly chipped… where everything was just the same and he felt like he was nothing…

Annabeth was unaware that she was being watched as a tear rolled down her face from her eye but stopped when she heard a voice not her own singing as she somehow kept playing as Percy stared at her with heavy emotion-filled eyes as he looked at her.

Annabeth didn't know what to say except for, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to snoop…" in a soft and guilty tone as she looked down at her hands.

She heard Percy let out a sigh as she looked up at him, dressed in a pair of tracksuit pants without a shirt. "It's okay… I never actually put the words to music… I found those chords and just tried them out but never thought to try them all together." He admitted as he tucked his hands in his pockets. "I take it you found the notebook…" he said knowingly. "Did you read it?" he asked her as he bit his bottom lip.

Annabeth nodded as she looked at him, "Yeah… I didn't mean to." She said softly as she looked at him. "I had no idea… the pain I caused you… what my lie did." She said with a remorseful tone layered with copious amounts of guilt. "I know words cannot make up for what I did… but do know that I am truly am sorry." She whispered was a tear rolling down her cheek.

Percy bit his bottom lip as he looked at her, "For a long time I tried drinking to cope with the betrayal… with all the hurt, the confused feelings. I'd gone for therapy, but they kept telling me what I didn't want to admit to myself… that a large part of me always knew you weren't who you said you were… and that a large part of me, if not all of me had fallen in love with you because you reminded me of the singer I adored." Annabeth looked at him in a confusing way as she raised a brow.

"I don't understand." She whispered as she watched him start boiling the kettle and preparing two cups of coffee.

"I went to a therapist and talked about everything, cried, screamed, broke stuff… and at the end of it left cause I denied what they were saying." He said in a soft mumble. "When you started singing Annabeth, I connected with your music, I wasn't just a regular fan. I had this sort of emotional tether to you as I relied on your music and your good pure nature to keep me sane, to keep me happy in my self-destruction after Reyna died."

Annabeth stood up and walked over to him and listened to him, as she leaned against the counter. "Go on." She encouraged, wanting to understand.

"I fell in love with your light in some way I guess… like I connected on a deeper level than I knew… and when I met you as Anna, subconsciously, I saw you as Annabeth. You were always Annabeth Chase in my eyes even though I recognized you as Anna Olympia." He said as he poured some milk. "It's like a whole fucked up situation if you ask me, saying I imagined you as someone else when I said I loved you… even though you turned out to be who I loved all along." He said as he poured the coffee and handed her a cup.

In some way, Annabeth understood greatly what Percy meant, but at the same time, she was trying to understand what this meant. "Do you love me as Annabeth…" She whispered even though she felt guilty for asking him that.

"I love you, Annabeth, and it still hurts…" he said as his hand gripped his hot cup of coffee as he tried to control the hurt inside. He let out a heavy breath as he bit his lip, "It hurts knowing the person you loved and trusted with everything about yourself lied about everything they were and who they were…" he said with a shaky breath. "why couldn't you have told me… I wouldn't have hated you… I wouldn't have preached it to the world for a publicity stunt…" he turned to face her, his expression hurt and tense, "Why didn't you tell me the truth from the beginning or before I fell in love with Anna…" he said as he put his cup down.

He was giving her a chance to speak… to truly talk about it.

"I… I was afraid…" She whispered as she bowed her head. "I was absolutely terrified of the risk of my escape being taken away…" She said as she closed her eyes, "Luke… the guy who died, he broke my trust, ruined my faith in love, and forming friendships… I didn't trust anyone… I stayed with this mentality that you'd try to ruin me as he did… the closer I got to you, the more it hurts me and scared me to realize I was madly in love with you." She said as she sipped her coffee. "As time went on, the more vulnerable you became… the more I wanted to shelter and protect you from the world I lived in, not because I was ashamed but because of what the industry could do to your life." She whispered as she looked up at him and noted his stoic expression.

Percy bit his lip, fighting to not say something. He promised her the chance to talk… he wouldn't break that promise even if she had hurt him. "Continue… I know you want to say more." He said in a soft tone.

"This industry was far more toxic than I knew... but I was scared of me and my situation ruining your life." She admitted as she tucked her strand of hair behind her ear.

"Ruining my life? How would you have ruined it?" he whispered as he looked at her for elaboration.

"Anyone who was centralized in my life had their lives uprooted and ruined just by being associated with me. Thalia gave up her dreams of pursuing music to follow me to my dream… luke died believing I hated him, friends relationships are in ruins because of me, a family was destroyed because someone tried to protect me and it cost them everything…" She whispered as she shook her head. "I didn't want to risk ruining your world, Percy… you were happy, you were living life, a normal life. Your life would have changed drastically… people who wouldn't know you would give opinions of you and pass judgments on you and your life, your life story and history would be exposed to the world… nothing would be your story to tell, the world would know it and use it in some way to further their paychecks. My life doesn't matter, my personal life was never hidden, everything I do is watched with hawk eyes… and I cared too much about you to bring you into that… so I was making a decision…" She whispered as she looked at him, eyes brimming with honesty. "I was going to quit my music… let it all go, tell you the truth, and hope you'd let me be a constant in your life."

Percy couldn't help but see how genuine her words word. This was honest, but he still hurt. "Why did you come here Annabeth… why did you want to tell me all this?" he asked her, needing to know the truth.

"Because people's appearance may change… feelings don't." She whispered as she looked into his eyes. "I came because I wanted to tell you the truth… you deserved to hear my real identity from me, all my reasons for lying from me… you needed the truth from me and no one else." She said as she hesitantly reached up and cupped his face in her hands, "I needed to give the both of us the clarity we needed… but I needed to know if you could ever forgive me… if you could ever see yourself giving me another chance because I still love you, Percy… and I still want to be in your life if you'll let me…" She whispered as she stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. "I needed to know that if I really quit music as I plan too… that I know where I go the day after… if I leave all this behind and start afresh somewhere else… or if there is a reason for me to stay… I want you to be that reason…" She whispered in a soft plea as her hands rested on his chest.

Percy stood their silent for a while, his hands on her sides, his head, and heart at war with himself. Everything was just… it was confusing and insane and he didn't know what he should do or say. "It's a lot to process and try to understand Annabeth… I don't know what I want right now… I don't know yet if I can ever fully forgive you…" He whispered as he looked at her. "I want to try… but… I don't know if I can."

Annabeth wanted to cry, the tears were rolling down her cheeks even though she had the answer she knew she would get. She never expected to hurt so much… but she knew it would come. It didn't make it anymore easier. She didn't realize it but Percy had tears in his eyes too as she whispered, "I only meant to love you… never hurt you…"

"I know…" he whispered as he heard a small whimper from her as he hugged her, most possibly for the last time. They were both her and damaged, both wounded and there seemed like there was no way to mend it. "I'm sorry Annabeth…" He whispered even though he felt her shake her head.

"Don't be sorry for anything…" she whispered tearfully as she held him.

"I am sorry for saying I hate you… because even though I tried to… I never could and probably never will." He whispered as she looked up at him as she pulled away and wiped her eyes as she sniffled.

"I should get changed… and… and I should go." She whispered as she toyed with the hem of his shirt she was wearing.

Percy didn't say anything as he watched her walk away as she leaned against the counter. He didn't feel free of any pain or anguish, maybe some but it still hurt… he was saying goodbye to someone he loved… someone who came and asked him for the chance he wanted to give but just couldn't… would he regret it… probably but he was confused… he needed time.

It didn't take long for Annabeth to get dressed and gather all her things. Neither of them was ready to say goodbye… but Percy did have one more question.

"Are you really going to quit music… and leave it all behind… not just for me but for yourself?" He asked her, curious and uncertain of what he wanted her to answer.

"I think I am." She said as she looked at him. "I'd leave an impact though… but I just… I don't know right now but it feels like the best thing now for me." She whispered as she looked at him, "Music was one of my only loves… the love for music… I don't feel as connected to it as I used to… I loved it more because I loved you because you made me love it more… without you, I don't know if I can love it again… I want to try… but I've felt too much pain because of music… I want to be free and live again." She whispered as she looked at him. "I… I hope you find what you are looking for Percy… if this is the last time I see you… I want you to know I won't ever forget you, Percy Jackson… and you'll always be the one that got away from me." She whispered as she looked at him.

Percy looked at her as he stepped forward and looked into her eyes. They were two different people from the people they were a year ago when they first met. But Percy saw her… saw the woman he loved and he didn't know what to do or say at the moment so he just communicated the one way he knew he could.

He cupped her face gently and kissed her.

It wasn't a hello kiss… it was a goodbye… or maybe one day…

He honestly didn't know but it told her he loved her, that he believed in her… that he wished her the best… that he wished she'd stay… that he was confused.

Everything they each felt was communicated through this kiss.

When they pulled away, pulling away from Percy hurt the most. As Annabeth stepped back, her eyes never leaving his as he stepped forward and placed his notebook and the music sheets in her hand. "Take them… tell a story… show them who you are… the real you… promise me you'll do that." He whispered as he looked at her with her eyes wide and in shock.

"I promise." She whispered as she looked at him. "One day…?" She asked him softly as she looked at him.

"One day." He whispered to her as he watched her walk out the door… and out of his life again… and Percy slid down to the floor and felt his heartbreaking as the tears poured from his eyes.

He didn't realize that outside his own door, Annabeth was in tears... everything she loved was ruined... she had lost the right to love Percy... and she had to move forward... but the hardest thing to do was trying to stop loving Percy Jackson... the one who she let get away from her...

There you go. New update and it's a heavy emotional chapter. Do you think these two will ever find their way back to each other? What do you think their future will hold as we continue on? Did you like the chapter? Let me know and know this, I love you all my dear little fictioneers. See you next update.

~Michaela~