Chapter 4:
I am completely drained. Being grounded, I had to slip out late every night during the weekend to see my friends. I partook in various dubious liquors until close to daybreak before creeping into my room and fainting into the comfort of my bed. Each night, I endured the spins while swaddled in a layer of blankets, until I could deeply slumber. Tequila was a potent spirit that I sought to avoid on most occasions, but I made an exception this weekend and had more than my fair share of the liquid. My eye sockets are straining against the burden of the sagging skin beneath, which has stemmed from my escapades under the stars. To top everything off, it is Monday, and nobody with a sound mind appreciates Monday.
Coming home from school my bones give a weary echo and attempt to stifle an eager feeling. Starving for carbs to preserve my energy from abandoning my body totally, I aim to raid the cupboard. My feet lead me to the refrigerator for a drink after I pluck out a snack before moving into the TV room. Now at peace with my day, and comfortable on the sofa, I resume my routine of compulsively surfing through social media, intending to dull my overloaded thoughts and searing headache. My hand grips the cup filled with fresh water from the coffee table and I take a big gulp. I had been dehydrated as a result of nursing my hangover while trapped in my room.
My weekend was spoiled by the church. My mother insisted on my attendance, despite my protests that I was sick. Hearing everyone rejoice and cry gratitude to the Lord while feeling like my scalp was about to rocket into the heavens had me yearning to drop dead then and there. It was the first Sunday in a long time that I did not poke holes in Axel's head. I wasn't guilty of using him as fap inspiration, but I also did not want to fuel any more absurd ideas about him. Axel's visage pops up on my phone like a snarky deliverance from above. He had changed his status leading me to browse his page and see how many friends we had in common. I promptly locked my device since I cannot cope with the pressures and decided to tackle studying.
I'm reviewing my AP History textbook when I overhear the front door open. I resumed my activity, but before long, my dad beckons me downstairs.
"Roxas, have you figured out how you're going to improve your grades?" My father investigates upon my entry into the living room. He is lounging on his settee, his current favorite literature strewn across his lap. With his gaze locked on the tome, he adjusts his lenses on the bridge of his nose. I am a little disappointed that it has only been two days (not including the weekend) and he is already picking me apart for results.
"The reason I'm asking is that this isn't for me or your mother, but just for you. As a student, your only obligation is to take your future more seriously. We just want to make sure we spotted this issue early before it's too late. You've always been an outstanding student, so we just want to make absolutely sure we caught it before it's too late. There is no point in wasting time."
"I know, Dad. Mr. Sid has made it very apparent that I cannot afford to screw this up any longer. I chatted with a couple of my instructors about making up some of my missing assignments. I let them know I had been struggling with my studies, particularly in AP history. I intend to work on some of those after dinner." I answer calmly, strolling over to the sofa next to him and taking a deep inhale. From the kitchen, a mixture of savory aromas wafts around the room. My father's eyes lift from the page he was reading, and he nods with a terse smile in response to my comment.
As I wait for dinner, I skim through my mobile and like a couple of my friends' postings. Hayner now has a new dog. Ollette, his sister, is gripping him below his armpits, and the dog is petrified. I go on to the next piece and tap my screen randomly. When I see the name Axel on the screen, my thumb fumbles. Apart from moments prior, I drank in the screen. It seems as though he was very active today, first his status, and now he had updated his profile image. A photo of him with his girlfriend - the town art prodigy, Namine, had been replaced by one of himself alone. It appeared to be an impromptu photograph taken by a close pal. It is of his rugged side view, sporting an aloof smirk. The autumn sun is illuminating the fall leaves behind him. He is undoubtedly seated at one of the picnic benches at Paopu Park. We used to spend hours roaming the fields and equipment there.
My palm rests on the sofa cushion, my cell face down, and I try to erase Axel's imposing image from every swell and ridge of my brain. The action would require deep meditation because I was failing horribly. His chin loosely resting on his knuckles. The crisp fall evening had tinged his sharp, alabaster cheek bones a pale pink. His lips were perfectly formed like a bow, narrow yet lush in all the appropriate spots. His eyes were faraway and beaming, accented with heavy black lashes, giving the appearance of cosmetically etched eyes. He serves as a poignant reminder that the Lord may sometimes build something flawless. My thoughts are forcibly disrupted by my mother, which I secretly appreciate.
"Roxas, dear heart, I've arranged for you to see a therapist. You will meet every Tuesday after classes until progress is made. Do you understand?!" From the kitchen, she shouts. The faucet is running, and the cookware is clanging together. It is no mystery she made the effort to shriek out this piece of information.
"Okay Mom. Thank you!" In response, I exclaim. I am not in any rush to leave the coziness of the horrendously floral furniture.
My mother is dashing from the kitchen to the adjoining room on the right to arrange the table a few moments later. I fold my arm around the back of the couch and watch her through the doorway next to the entryway. Her slender form gracefully moves around the table, her fair hair plated down to the center of her spine, skimming the knot of her baby blue apron. She is dressed elegantly in a tie-up frock. It is a pale mauve with tiny posies all over it. When my mother yells from the other room, "Go ahead and wash up, sweetheart; we have a visitor for supper!" My eyes are examining an extra dish placed opposite from where I typically eat, and I am stunned with bewilderment.
I recover my composure and get up from the couch, careful not to panic.
Did the principal call again? Or maybe the counselor?
I go to the restroom under the stairs to refresh my skin with a splash of tepid water. I am cleansing my hands and counting to twenty to keep me from emitting a troubled groan. I hear the doorbell's resounding jingle. The door rattles open, and the house shifts as the latch reclaims the polished wood. A chill sweeps through my body when a syrupy, throaty voice travels from the entryway. It is a pleasant, familiar tone that my father did not possess. There was a man over, and I sorted through the possibilities, and in a panic, it lands at the worst-case scenario.
It couldn't be Luxord, right? No, that's not practical. He's moronic, but not that crazy.
I grunt nervously as I dab my hands dry with the cloth hanging from the hook. I exhale and wander across the sitting room to the dining area. My lungs suddenly refused to fill, and I was holding my breath like a creature caught in the sight of its hunter. I gulp as Axel approaches the extra dining position. With his 'how are you?' and simple niceties, he charms my parents. I want to dash out the front doorway, but my legs draw me to the room's threshold, Axel's lopsided grin coaxing me in.
"W-what is he doing here?" I stammer. I almost gagged on the saliva that became lodged in my throat. My motor reflexes are not operating correctly.
"Roxas, is that any way to welcome your friend?" My mother frowns at me, her fair brows pinched. She serves each meal with finesse, as befits a conscientious hostess. When I detect Axel's uneasy grimace from behind his seat, I recollect my wits. His knuckles are white, and the pads of his fingers are purpling from his hold on the wood.
"Are you really that oblivious? When was the last time you saw us together in the last three years?" I accuse. Axel looks visibly distressed. He is transferring his balance from side to side on his limbs, as if he is about to take off, sprinting down the street, adamant never to cross this home again.
Me too, pal.
"I figured it was because you both stopped attending the same school a couple years ago and grew apart. I did not even realize you weren't still friends. You were once though, young man, so be respectful. Go ahead and take a seat, Axel."
My father is the first to sit, and my mother follows suit. Axel scans the room, then pulls out his chair and declares, "The dinner looks lovely, Mrs. Laurier." My father's head dips in concurrence.
"Please, Sofie is just fine. You're a grown man now." She grins bashfully. I feel like I am stranded in a Twilight Zone episode. I am still standing, albeit awkwardly. I could not even blink. My eyes were combing across the scene, waiting for the grenades to erupt.
"Roxas, please honey, join us." She extends her arm towards me and puts her palm out, inviting me to comply. "Your meal will become cold, and it used to be a favorite of yours and Axel's when you were younger."
My body is operating on autopilot. I make a feeble attempt to oppose its movements, but its motivation is steadfast. It drags out a chair and takes a seat warily. I cannot relax as I typically do with them, and my back is as rigid as a board. My attention is glued on Axel. He is spooning his meal into his mouth gingerly. A trickle of food leaks past his lips, and a pink tongue protrudes to lap it up. My entire body cowers.
Is he going to tell them I smoke? Did he already tell them about Hayner? Or that I am gay?
My folks would be all over themselves in dramatics. My mother would be wailing, condemning herself for her terrible parenting and pleading with me to get treatment. Above all, they would not have waited until today.
Did he organize this? Was he going to tell them with me here? Is this an intervention? If so, why is Axel involved?
My queries continue to ping around in my skull as my mother places her cutlery away and clears her throat to explain, "On Sunday, after the service, I approached Axel and asked about his college experience. I was intrigued because I had not heard anything from you about his life. I was curious whether he had any senior year advice."
"I go to a different high school than he did, therefore I don't see how he can help me." I am still gaping at Axel, my cheeks reddened with curiosity. He appears undisturbed by my undivided attention. And my pulse flutters at his placid demeanor, and I eventually break my focused stare.
"Studying has its benefits, and because he was in the running for being valedictorian, I figured he would have some pointers I could offer you, honey…"
That doesn't clarify why she dragged him to dinner.
"…After catching up and conversing for a while, I asked him if he still tutored in his spare time…"
This isn't leading anywhere good.
"…Axel kindly agreed to tutor you in the evenings after school." She finishes and pulls apart her roll with poised, manicured nails.
"Aside from being academic, he is also incredibly knowledgeable for his age and can help you determine what you want for your future. He can support you on your path to becoming a successful adult by serving as a mentor. Your mother was invited to help out at the church after work, and my shifts were extended until the autumn of next year. So, we won't be here when you get home from school to aid you with these kinds of things. This year, as you have heard several times in the last week, is crucially significant. And as your parents, we want you to be successful." My father concludes, he has been quiet this entire time, and personally, I preferred it.
"Your father will be joining me after work on Fridays. So, don't sit and wait for us; Axel is welcome to spend the night. The Lord has delivered upon you a wonderful chance, Roxas." My mother is beaming at each of us, her dainty face flickering with delight. As if this was some sort of panacea for her damaged son.
"It sounds to me that the Lord has bestowed upon me a babysitter rather than a mentor, which I do not need. I'll be eighteen soon." My body is now within my command, so I slouch back in my seat and lock my arms. Axel's eyes flit up to mine as my foot brushes over something under the table. A brilliant notion plants itself in front of me and I gift Axel a devious smirk. I place the tip of my foot atop his ankle and stroke it. His shoulders stiffen, and he sets his own meal aside as his heel nudges my advancing limb away. He gnaws on the corner of the inside of his lip, and scowls at me.
"We are aware, but you haven't successfully proven that you are much of an adult. Adults have commitments. Concentrate on your studies. Axel is here to support you." She nods and gestures at him as if he were being presented to me on a silver platter.
I can relax a little, despite the fact that this is a bad idea. Axel is under my authority since he has no influence over me. I roll my eyes in despair as I relive the occasions surrounding my fantasies with the redhead opposite from me.
"For how long though?" I croak.
"For the remainder of the school year, dear. I want you to excel this year and get good scholarships." My mother states this matter-of-factly.
"Don't you have your own lessons and studies to attend to?" I finally address the picture-perfect elephant in the room. My gaze is imploring as they swan dive into his swimming green orbs.
"I will be taking less coursework in the next few semesters. Because I don't work, my evenings are free. I have a manageable schedule." He meets my challenging stare with a sneer, and I find myself scrambling for any semblance of rationality that that calculating smile has robbed from me. I deserved therapy. I desperately need it.
Ax: When do you get out of school?
"Is it him?" Xion' s black hair cascades over her brow as her head nosily pokes out from behind my shoulder.
"Yeah, Axel has been blowing up my phone, bombarding me with questions since this morning, and driving me insane. This entire issue is driving me mad." As I respond, I grimace. It soon fades, and my lips twist in a lopsided grin as I consider how paternal he is behaving. I envisage Axel in my kitchen, wearing a frilly apron and brandishing a whisk.
"Oof, and it's only day one. He's not really your babysitter, though—right?" Her focus drifted from my phone to my satisfied expression. "That's just weird."
"My folks are not the 'throw furniture' kind when I'm in trouble. They are the ones that make you feel like an ant. 'You need more time with the Lord,' is what they usually say. That wasn't their first choice in penalty this time, I'm astonished." My locker closes with a bang as I deposit my books in my satchel.
"Well, it doesn't seem to be working. Looks like they had to get creative. I think you'll like therapy Rox, a lot of things get put into perspective when you have someone unbiased to whine to." She places her hands on the backpack cords. My phone's screen flashes once more, displaying another alert via Axel.
Ax: Ignore my earlier message. Your mother informed me.
"Ugh, this isn't fair. This was supposed to be my year. I was gonna go out with a big bang." I groan. In a spectacular display of aggravation, my head is sagging from my neck.
"Big bang is what shaped our universe."
"Don't say that so loud. Your neighbors will come knocking on your door with pitchforks and torches." I wrapped my hands over her face, concealing her full lips. I chuckle as she slaps my arms away.
"I'm just saying, those are really lofty expectations." She says as we walk beside each other to the school's exit. Impatiently, Axel messages my phone again.
Ax: I'll be here when you get home around 4.
As we part ways in the direction of our residences, Xion waves to me. My phone vibrates again, and I consider chucking it in the nearby trash can out of irritation. I examine it and see that it was Tidus instead of Axel.
T-breezy: Hey man. Meet up at the usual spot?
My feet are already working overtime to propel me to the mini-mart. I was eager to express 'Fuck you' in whatever way I could to Axel. Going out with my buddies was a viable choice, and Axel had no voice in the decision.
Tidus is sitting in the mart's vacant parking lot. It has been getting chilly recently, so I tuck my chin into the neck of my jacket and wave at him. The sandy blonde informs me that Wakka has a dental appointment and thus was unable to join us this afternoon. Tidus and I continue our trek behind the hideous structure to the fort. My footsteps crunch against the scattered twigs and leaves beneath me. The forests are densely concentrated with towering trees, and the songbirds soar through each limb, pursuing one other in friendly rivalry. We arrive at a tangle of vines and foliage that gathers into the form of a dome. We hunkered over for a few hours, inhaling the few grams of marijuana we had and playing a mobile MMO together.
"Hey, you thirsty? Want something to drink?" Crawling out of the shelter and dusting down my olive joggers, I offer.
"Yea, I want the red Mt. Dew, if they don't have it, the blue or orange."
"Dude. I won't remember that." I frown at him, and he scurries out of the hut, his phone tucked into his denim pockets.
"I'll just come with!" His tone was far too chipper.
Our favorite employee is on the job. He is a deaf elderly guy who never questions why we are scrambling for cash with eyes glazed red. My lids are no longer weighty from the weed's effects, and I realize it has worn off. We leave the establishment with a few munchies nestled underneath our arms and a beverage for each of us, and my body collides with a firm chest. I crane my neck and cast a glance at the leggy individual in front of me.
"Color me astonished. You ought to be at home." Axel's intonation was laced with as much snark as he could muster.
"Maybe if we keep very still, he won't notice us." I whisper to my right, where Tidus has already opened his doughnuts. I giggle again as I catch him mid-bite.
"Roxas, this isn't time for your games, we're leaving." Instantly, Axel's palm is on my wrist, clutching it tightly.
"Oh no, the fun police has arrived. Can I assist you, officer?" I flutter my lashes at him and flash him a sly grin. I wrench my wrist from his hold and spin it around to free it. My purchases fell to our feet and Tidus moves swiftly to retrieve them.
"Right now, Roxas, I have little tolerance for your infantile tactics." His hand swoops down again, this time catching my triceps and yanking me in his direction. I meet with his torso once more, and his right-hand snakes around the back of my neck, forcing me toward his car as though I were a child.
"Ta-ta! If I can't dig my way out—send someone in for me!" I raise my free arm in a grandiose wave while obnoxiously laughing in front of the empty street and mart.
Axel reaches his left arm forward and grasps the automobile handle. The redhead's hand around the base of my neck presses my form into the narrow entry of the vehicle, as if I were a perp being escorted to the chop shop by police. He slams the door shut and moves to the driver's side after I am situated.
I get comfortable, and I set my feet onto his dash. I cross my ankles and arms.
"Are you going to buckle yourself in?" His wrist twists the ignition key. He casts a glance at my feet, but chooses to keep his vocal displeasure concealed.
"I like to live my life a little dangerously." Without asking, I set-up my phone's audio to play some music.
He shifts the vehicle into reverse. His gaze wanders to the back of the car, and he reaches for the headrest of my chair for support. My attention follows the contours of his bicep and forearm. He is wearing a black t-shirt, which contrasts with his fair complexion. In hunger, my throat bobs.
I need help, pronto.
When he throws the stick into drive, I burrow as far into the cushion as I can. My playlist's lyrical choices are something you would hear at a seedy establishment, and I reach forth to turn up the volume, the car immediately rumbling. Axel is brilliantly showcasing his legendary tolerance. I understand him well enough to recognize that he is dissatisfied with how the evening has unfolded for him. His jaw is tensed, and his emerald orbs flicker across to me every now and then. I put his resolve to the test again and raise the volume up a notch. His irises flitted into his skull for a brief second, and his well-groomed eyebrows corded together from the song's contents.
"'Do you got whores? 'Cause I'll be one…'" I smirk as I breathe out the verse in reverent tones.
Axel shoots out an aggravated groan, and I cannot contain the burst of laughter that shakes my form. His veins protrude from his hand as his arm slithers out from his lap, expectedly turning off the music. I am still chuckling, and he mutters under his breath, "Vulgar."
My breathing subsides, and we resume our short drive back to my house in silence. Moments after stopping on the curbside, he kills the engine. Axel is dazed by the vast emptiness of the street. He casts a thoughtful glance across the landscape. I can only suppose that his thoughts are divided between canceling the entire arrangement or burying me in a near-by stream for all the misery I am bringing him.
He exhales and unbuckles his seatbelt. I remained silently seated in my chair, observing him avidly. His hand reaches for the door handle smoothly opening it. Axel's lengthy leg emerges from underneath the wheel and spans across the pavement. His boots look freshly polished, and they crunch against the grit of the asphalt. His throat and jawline are squarely in front of my vision as he reaches behind me.
Oh, how easy it would be to just lick it.
Said neck is forcing my impulse control to the limit, and I resist the urge to humiliate him. He exits the car, taking his blazer from the rear. I can only see his backside when he does so, and his shirt bunches up, displaying a slice of his pale flesh and boxers.
My toes flex in my shoes, and now it is not just Axel who is in distress, but also me. He saunters up to my right, his towering body trudging over. He unlocks my door for me and strides across the front lawn to the front veranda without waiting. He pauses on the terrace, looking for me to accompany him. He examines me as if I were a fugitive about to flee. I pondered it, but with those legs, he would capture me before I got beyond the neighbor's home. Throughout our youth, he reigned undefeated in our backyard races.
As I get out of the seat, I inspect the block before heading over to Axel, whose thigh is now bouncing impatiently. Just as I reach the stairs to the awning, his arm grabs mine, his other hand unlocking the door to the home and then brutally nudging it open with his boot.
"Do you have an animosity to doors... or were you never taught how to use them?" I ridicule him. I am being deliberately rude, and he flings me into the living room. He is in the entryway, taking off his boots and running his hands through his hair.
"You are a blight on my life. I should have expected you to ignore your parents' wishes—let alone me!" He barks at me in response, and I gather that he did not find my teasing amusing.
"You're the one who committed to this arrangement, expecting—what—me to just lay down and take it?" My lips tilt into a perverse grin, "Yeah, that sounds right enough…I prefer to lay down and take it." My arms are crossed, and I raise one hand to cup my chin, running my thumb across my lips. My weight is entirely on my right heel, and my posture emanates tremendous arrogance, giving him a flavor of what to anticipate from me going forward.
His legs act swiftly across the short distance between him and me, and his grip returns to my wrist. With the force of an infuriated parent, he drags me over to the sofa. He slings me onto the couch, and I bounce when my buttocks make contact with the cushion. I am grinning again, unable to suppress my amusement at the irony that he has zero inkling that this method of treatment is something I only daydream about.
"You're right! This was something I agreed to. I must have been in a generous mood that day, because I am now responsible for your improvement, and I take that position very seriously." He grits his teeth as he expresses the magnitude of the situation. He is towering between my open legs, and I sink deeper into the couch, staring blankly at him over me. I had not seen him in years, but his approach reminded me of the last time we interacted three years ago.
"So, tell me, why did you say yes? Are you guilty for dropping me without a second thought when you walked in on me having sex?" I asked, deciding it was entertaining to poke the bear.
"I feel guilty, Roxas, not for abandoning our friendship, but for not informing your parents." He hisses at me, drops his head, and he shakes his hair, releasing the knots left by his hands frantically stroking through it. My brow furrows, and I feel a heated sensation in my veins, forewarning me that this debate may end in blows.
"It is not my parents' concern who I choose to have sex with, Axel. And I'm going to make a very clear line for you not to cross here. It's also none of your business. I didn't ask for your precious virgin eyes to see me—"
"Bottom line is, I am filled with guilt, whether aimed at you—myself—or your parents. So, Roxas, do not take any chances with me. I really want this to work." He cuts me off and lowers himself on the coffee table, nestling between my knees. His long legs are touching mine, and my gaze is drawn right to the apex of those limbs.
"Even if they do enjoy dicks on occasion, I believe you should feel more shame for abandoning your closest friend. You would never have suspected if you hadn't been so nosy." My gaze rises sharply to meet his. I have wished for a justification for our estrangement. Regrettably, those aspirations were far more conventional than the actuality that was now unraveling in front of me.
"Well, the fact is, I do know. I've known this fact for years now. And harboring this dark secret is eating away at me. So just give me this win. " He dismissively waves his hand in front of us, while his other hand holds his shaking thigh. Axel's knee is rapidly moving up and down, rocking his body slightly.
"I'm not going to 'take the L' simply because you have a personal grievance against how I use my free time." I tip my head to the side and grin from ear to ear, keen on putting him to the test once more.
"So, you want an explanation, hmm? You are fully aware that what I witnessed contradicts my views. You were there, last Sunday, when my father-the preacher- expressed that point of view for all of us to hear. Have you ever thought of yourself as fortunate that I've never said anything? That is no small accomplishment, and I find it sufficient to wipe away much of the remorse I felt for abandoning our relationship when you decided to sully it by wrecking yourself, on freaking—Hayner—of all people! I lost two friends that day, Roxas." He jumps from the tabletop and begins prowling in front of the fireplace, restless.
"You didn't have to. That is your cross to bear—not mine." I say this as if it were apparent, and his feet come to a standstill from their frenzied stride. He steps up to me again and bends down as near to my face as he can. His scent permeates my senses, and his breath tickles my mouth and cheeks.
"I'll say it again. You're lucky that I kept my mouth shut. However, given the gravity of the situation, I recommend that you learn to respect both your parents' and my directives. Otherwise," he pauses, and all my thoughts and vital functions stall as his attention casts low, listlessly analyzing my lips before continuing slyly, "My lips may be as sloppy as your thighs."
My eyes expand like saucers, and his glare into them suddenly devolved the earlier heat in my veins into a full-fledged inferno. My cheeks are inflamed. I jump up from my lounge position and almost headbutt him. As I evacuate the area, he pulls his frame straight and I curtly shoulder check him. I briskly ascend the stairs, my face contorted with humiliation, and I attempt to conceal it from him.
Completing my make-up assignments served to temper my resentment, and aside from the few times Axel peered into the room, I was left alone to stew in my rage and embarrassment before calling it a day and falling asleep in my bed, with memories of the kind, cautious Axel of the past dusting behind my eyelids.