Something, I didn't have

by Ni3zgodna

Modern AU. Tobias Night had never experienced a normal way of life. Since childhood, he got nothing to value. He learned how to live with everything that was given, forgetting there must be something more about life than a survivor. One rainy day was enough to change his whole point of view. After that day, he couldn't look at himself as a survivalist, but more as a...father?

7. Something unraveling

"You have to fucking kidding me."

"What if I'm not?" Both teenagers stared at each other. Every word, that just came from his friend's mouth, in his mind, was likely a silly joke, an irrational idea, a way to just fool him or something. He snarled with laughter, and glanced over him, holding onto his stomach. Unfortunately for him, while doing so, he saw something he feared most: determination mixed with confidence. Not even hiding the fact it was Toothless with which he talked, the most straight-saying person in the whole world.

He face-palmed, going with his palm through his whole face. "Fuck, you're not joking." With a sigh, these words were said between his teeth. "I can't believe what I'm hearing." Toothless took the sight from him, directing it straight onto the ground, as well as his expression changed into thoughtful. "I can't believe you're even considering it as an option?!"

"I don't know if it isn't the only one."

"What?! Seriously now?! There is another option!"

"Which would be?!"

"I don't know." His tone changed into a sarcastic one. Almost breathing out whole sentences one after another. "How about don't making any absurd decisions, as well as not ruining your life?!"

Both teenagers were now likely fighting through their eyes, staring deadly at one another. Hookfang's teeth were grinding inside his mouth, veins started popping out of his face. Toothless meanwhile, stays by his idea, as well as Hookfang couldn't help, but look disagree with him. It seemed to James like the longest and most troubling minute of silence in his life. Eventually, Tobias likely lost, sighed tiredly as he mumbled. "I just don't have another option."

"You keep saying it, yet it's yours only justification!"

"You know the case, it's troublesome and probably unsolvable. I-I don't want him to get the life I had! I-I don't want the knowledge that-" He shallowed. "-Hiccup is going to end up as o-orphan." He breathed deeply, laid his head onto the car wheel yet again, and stood with closed eyes, just so after a mere moment to open them, turning towards Hookfang. "I can't let that happen to him."

"That doesn't make any sense?! Why you're like that?! Why you're making such irresponsible decisions?!" Hookfang tensed.

Toothless frowned. He took his eyes off him, fighting his anger over the other one's words.

"What's happened to you, to reason that change?! What's in this boy, that makes you so attached to him?! Why is that?!"

"Because I care about him! Alright?! I care, and I'm not able to just stop suddenly!"

Meanwhile screaming at him, Toothless straighten up into the seat, breathing loudly with racing in his chest heart, glancing into Hookfang's now puzzled eyes. He snarled, afterward with rapid movements to get out of the vehicle. By the window Toothless just sat by, Hookfang could notice his body being pressed into it, his head probably onto the car's roof. He calmed and took a big breath just to as well get out onto outside. Both boys now stood by opposite sides of the car, turned in one another's direction, yet Toothless's head still hung low down with his arms onto the car's roof, likely supporting his weight.

Hookfang opened his mouth, but Toothless was faster to speak. "Since meeting him then, seeing his terrible state, and taking responsibility for protecting him until the ambulance drove by, something changed in me. I'm not sure how exactly to explain that. I suddenly started caring for him like nobody in this world. I never actually cared for anybody like that. I thought about reason, but the only thought that came was that it wasn't only I that was attracted to him." He raised his head. "He was also attracted to me." He turned to him by his back, laying himself on the car side. He sighed. "Back then, at that street, I just did what was my responsibility to do, nothing more. It was supposed to be a short time, help him, get him to the ambulance and go back home. I swear there were my first thoughts, but then he suddenly started crying over me. He started missing me. He wanted to be close to me." He smiled under his breath. "People always were rather scared of my appearance, even you."

Hookfang rolled his eyes. "You would be as well by the view of those, covering your whole body, scars."

He chuckled. "I guess you're right." Then straighten. "He wasn't afraid." Hookfang lowered his sight thoughtfully. "I was frightened back then that he might be scared of me, but then he showed me otherwise. He liked me. He wanted my closure, because of which our relation strengthened that much-" He breathed loudly. "It strengthens that much, I don't want actually to let him go."

"Do you even know, how much trouble you're getting yourself in? You're fucking 18! It's the start of your life, damn it! You aren't bothered by the thought you're going to lose your young years over taking care of a boy you just safe from the streets?!"

"Hookfang you know me probably most in this world. You're likely my best friend." Hookfang's eyes went wide. It was rarely he named him his best friend. "And you know I won't ever care about such things as parties, or anything you're doing there. I don't even have ever girlfriend, and never wanted to have one! I'm not scared of losing it, believe me. I'm most scared about him."

Even so for his words, Hookfang didn't look all convinced. He exhaled. "All of this, for just one boy."

By those words, Toothless likely snapped. "Boy who became an orphan, because of his parents' ruthlessness. I think you should know, even better than me, how it is. But indifference, losing both parents is much worse than losing just one."

Afterward, after that comment Toothless, James snapped as well. "You know what? I don't care!" He pushed himself away, now going back towards his house. "I'm giving no damn fuck! It's your life, do whatever you want, I warned you!" Toothless didn't even flinch, glanced into him now, with that coldness in his eyes, onto the boy red-faced. "Just one thing! If you're going or do that, if you're going to accomplish your tries, don't come to me for help afterward. You're on your own with that." Thronging his whole body, his steps led him now forward, toward the main doors. There weren't any other words from Tobias, pure deadly silence surrounded the whole neighborhood. The next thing James heard was a whistle of wheels, glancing over, the car was gone.

---

"I told her, I might give her another chance, but she must do something, just so I can trust her again- Hookfang are you listening to me?"

Side by side, James with Sarah walked through the streets. She glanced over him, not hiding hers irritated over the fact that he would yet again ignore her. His sight focused was onto forwards. From the start of their meeting, it was well known by her that indeed there was something on his mind. He sighed. "Baby, I'm hearing such stories at least four, maybe five times a day! And it's only morning now! My mind isn't able to register any of your words now!"

"Is your mind able to register anything at all? For me, it seems like you're always careless, at least not for twins dumb shit."

"They are funny, a difference from someone I know." He bend over her, smiling widely with his brows raised. She snarled, rolling her eyes in meantime. "Besides, I have no humor in that today."

"Okay, that's fine." She nodded, and while doing so kept her eyes now forwards with, as he named it, a forced smile.

At first, he would as well just direct himself onward, but something in the back of his mind screaming was that her behavior was indeed wrong. Odd. One of his eyes was now staring at her, trying to read her intentions. He confused. "You're not going to ask?"

She sighed, the longer it remained, the louder sigh was. "No, I won't ask. Every time I do, it's always ending the same way. I'm going to ask about that, you're going to story tell me one of yours, probably caused by your, problems. Afterward I, or would be forced into a boring situation, or going to take care of it, because of which I would waste my free time helping, likely saving, my boyfriend's ass. And I'm also not in humor on that. I'm asking for 30 minutes of peace. I wanted to buy coffee, I wanted to spend this morning without any unnecessary stress. Is that such a problem for you? Can't we just talk about something normal?"

"Okay, no problem." Afterward, silence remained. He showed his palms onto his pockets as well as started whistling from boredom. He opened his mouth a few times so after tries he would finally speak. "How are your parents?"

She took a deep breath. "What is the situation about?" Sound of bells by the doors they just pushed surrounded their ears. The smell of fresh bread and the noise of people around told right away they walked into a cafè. Both walked towards the cashier, waiting to make their order.

Hookfang crossed his arms. "It happened yesterday. I had a little argument, but you will never guess with who."

"Tobias. Obviously."

"How you know that?!"

"C'mon James, I know you better than you think. I mean-" She snorted. "-even I know you two are likely a better couple than we are. I'm maybe your girlfriend, he is your husband." James afterward facepalmed, covering himself with his palm. "You're always fighting, hiding that you just care about one another. Like an old married couple! You're loving to bother each other, likely it's just your vocation."

"And that's the explanation? You just described our relationship!"

"Exactly, isn't it strange how your best friend's relationship is almost the same as with your girlfriend? The only difference is that you're not kissing." Her eyes widened. "Or do you?"

James jumped, almost hitting his head on the lamp over him. "Not in my fucking life, never!"

"Never say never." She smiled to herself and giggled underneath his nose.

"What the fuck Sarah?! You would like it? Are you not my girlfriend or something?! Shouldn't you be jealous?!"

"Oh~ James!" She made him her puppy-like eyes. "All of this is just for your good! If you're in love with Tobias I will understand that! We would still be friends so don't worry!"

"No! No! No! I fucking can't believe you're even saying that!"

She laughed. "Okay, okay! Don't be such moody! It doesn't suit you." Afterward, the silence between them remained, fortunately, it was a comfortable one. Both patiently waited, ordered their coffees, and as they get their drinks in to-go cups, they left the cafè. Sarah couldn't help, but get worried over James's behavior, which wasn't normal. He stood silent and pensive, the worst part was she didn't want to imagine what would cause such behavior. James always was an energetic one, always rude about everything, but fortunately, he knew when it was better to shut up. Despite it, even in the worst situations he would most commonly just explain why the idea they made was the worst one in his thinking, or just laugh and mock the founder of it. Finally, she noticed café tables by which both sat.

"I can't believe I'm doing it." She took a mighty sip of her coffee. "What happened between you two this time?"

"We met by evening-"

"By evening? But, we were then in the hospital!"

"As I was about to say-" He made her offended glare, reasoned by hers interrupting. "-I met him in hospital. When we were about to leave, I noticed his jacket over one of the carts. I just followed it, surprised by its presence here."

"That's great to know my boyfriend didn't just say to me about it. If you noticed it back then, why didn't you say anything?"

He avoided her now offended look. He chuckled nervously. "I-I just wanted to do that on my own! Okay?"

She snarled, now supporting her head on her arm by the table. "Sure~. Anyway, you followed it, what happened next?"

"I was met with the strangest and most astonishing sight I ever saw! You won't believe it!"

"I saw you, twins, even Tobias doing such things, I'm sure there isn't anything in the world that would surprise me."

"What about Tobias Night, our Tobias, Toothless, holding a child, with a smile!"

Her eyes widened arm that supported her slid causing her face to be impacted into the table surface. Painfully, she raised her head, just so she would stroke it gently. "I don't believe it! I mean- w-what?! When?! How?!"

"I was surprised as well!"

"This man doesn't even look at the kids, I always thought he hate them!"

"I thought as well!"

"Then what changed that?!"

Hookfang sighed loudly and scratched his head. "Well, probably that situation changed him."

"Situation?" She raised a brow at him. "What had to happen to make his behavior like this?!"

James glanced at her trouble, not knowing how to take it in words. He took the slip of his coffee, and immediately regretted it, jumping from it because of his burnt tongue. She laughed consequently. "Very funny."

"Only you're such an idiot to drink hot coffee at once." Hers laughs remained.

He smirked. "At least I'm not that dumb to wear a summer shirt in spring."

Her eyes widen as her mouth opened fully. "First of all, I have a turtleneck underneath! Second of all, you dare to question my fashion style?! You saw yourself?! Who's wearing vests now?! You're likely old man!"

"You said you liked it!"

"My fire spark, my sweet, dumb, idiot." With the cutest voice possible she mocked. "I lied. Wasn't it obvious?!"

"No?! It wasn't?! Since when saying it's great is obvious?!"

"I didn't say it's great. I said 'it's really great'. You see the difference?!"

"No, I'm not?!" He snarled. "Women."

She was now eating him alive with her sight. "What did you just say?" James shallowed hardly. After a mere moment, he was attacked by her. She kept shaking him by shoulders, forward and backward. Eventually, his head started spinning and he decided to end that. He went for her weariest point, armpits. Victoriously now, he started tickling her by which she started laughing loudly. People around them would stare at them, like on pair of maniacs, but they never cared about that. By the time of fun, he grabbed onto her stomach, at the love handles. As he did so, she pushed his arm away, back onto her place, red at whole face, with James in front of her, saddened about their finish of joy. She avoided his look and glanced onto the ground, embarrassed. "You know I don't like that."

Hookfang smiled at her, and put his palm over her thigh, squeezing it slightly. "Stop being such ashamed of yourself. You're the beautiful way you are."

She glanced over at him and smiled brightly. "Thank you. You're sometimes-"

"Besides, you don't need to fit in that pair." He tenses his muscles, showing off. "I might be done for both of us." With a charming alike smile, he winked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "And back to old James. Typical." She pushed him by the shoulder, because of which he lost his balance, almost tripping off his chair. When he sat again, she continued. "You still didn't explain that situation."

"Right. Well, he explained to me that he found that boy on the streets, before our argument in his apartment."

"My Thor, what a poor thing." She covered her mouth. "What happened to him?!" She asked between her fingers.

"As I heard, he was in hypothermia, dumped by his parents."

"That's horrible!" Hookfang nodded at her outbursts. "What a fucking terrible people." She punched her fist onto the table, even so, calmed after one big breath. "But, that doesn't explain why Tobias-"

"He is attached to him." He interrupted her, but she didn't look offended. Rather shocked. "And that boy as well." He sighed. "As he explained it to me, he feels that they are likely the same since both are orphans and also boy showed him the trust he never got in his life."

Stormfly, likely reading in his mind, patted him on the shoulder. "Don't be harsh on yourself. You also showed much trust towards him."

He sighed. "Thanks. At least you noticed." He sighed. "That boy is going to be released in a few days."

"He would be sent to an orphanage?" James nodded. She sighed. "Tobias would be miserable afterward if he is so attached to him." She glanced at him, confidently. "We have to help him somehow."

"We?"

"Yes, we. I know our help didn't work last time, but now we know the issue. I'm sure he would-"

"No, Storm. I think you get me wrong. If you saw how we ate each other in our argument, you would know why I shouldn't help him."

"What did you even argue about? I mean- a-are you against, or just jealous-"

"Tobias wants to adopt him."

Her eyes widened. She thought about that for the moment, just to exclaim. "Seriously?! That's wonderful!"

"Wonderful?! You're kidding me?!"

"Yes, Hookfang! Maybe, it's something that guy needs! I-if he is so attached to him, he might start taking care of himself!"

"How is that supposed to work?! He isn't responsible for himself, how can he be able to be responsible for someone?!"

"By love, James! By love." She smiled and grabbed his palm which was in a fist. He glanced at her confused. "If he finally found someone to keep on for, he would. That is how it works. We want to be better for those we love most. It might be the best idea!"

"But, he would lose his young! He wouldn't be able to feel life as it is! He wouldn't be able to party, to travel, to experience!" He stroked his forehead. "Why I'm the only one seeing it."

"James, he isn't like this. I know what you mean, but it's not Tobias you just talked about, it's you! I know, you want the best for him, but that boy we talking about, he would be never interested in partying, in traveling, he would never care! If you're saying there is somebody he cares about that much-"

He chuckled. "He didn't do any work since then."

She gasped loudly. "He didn't?! Odin, he cares! What we then even talk about Hook! He must adopt him!"

He smiled at her, then saddened at the memory. "I told him to never ask for my help. Now, I'm feeling like shit."

"You both, I'm sure of that, were in strong emotions. Talk it out, I'm sure it might be refreshing for both of you." He nodded, glancing over his phone he could say they were about to be late for their classes. When he was about to stand up, Stormfly stopped him. "One more thing Hookfang." She stared at him, seriously. "Don't think about yourself any less. You know, he was in the worst state than he is now. If it wasn't for you, he might never actually socialize at all, and it's an achievement. You should be proud."

He nodded, blushing slightly at that comment. "Thank you, I guess I needed that." Afterward, both now stood up, directing themselves in known the direction. Forward.

---

These wooden doors he feared most, by which he likely stood about 10 minutes now. Doors of Tobias's apartment. He wanted to talk to him by the corridors, but he couldn't find him then. He wanted to talk to him after his training, but his father asked for help in his car workshop. It was now 10 p.m already. He was sure Tobias wouldn't sleep, it was probably the safest hour to meet with him. Toothless would be tired, but then also too tired to do anything rapidly. He breathed loudly. There isn't any escape from it, he must do it anytime soon anyway. He knocked on the door. He waited patiently, just to be welcomed with something strangely. Tobias, that wasn't the strange part, in his pajamas. Does he own pajamas? He smiled at him anxiously.

"Hey, Toby! Tobias! Toothless!"

"Hookfang, what do you need?" His voice was harsh, he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well first of all-" He stared at his clothing. "I didn't know you had a pajama! I thought it was likely a theory you own one like it didn't even exist."

Tobias pushed his door, already annoyed by his actions. "Good night."

James held it, stopping it from closing, leaving just a little passage. "Second of all." He exclaimed. "There is something I want to tell you." Toothless sighed loudly, calmed his nerves, and opened doors lightly. James cleared his throat. "I guess I wanted to say, I was mean and I wasn't supposed to. I shouldn't say things I said. I feel bad for those. Are we alright now?" He tightened his teeth, now ready for any of his outbursts.

It didn't come, Tobias just raised his brow. "Did you just apologize to me, without apologizing to me?"

He chuckled, then shallowed. "I-I think so." He stuttered. "Are we alright?"

"Fine." He breathed loudly. "You should leave now."

"It ain't all! Listen I was wrong about all of that."

He tightened his grip on the door, also his teeth. Closed his eyes in the image of pain. "No, you weren't. And that a problem." He swiftly turned away, and walked into the center of the apartment, holding with both of his hands to his head, forgetting about opened doors with Hookfang by them. James didn't know why, but he walked inside without any permission and was welcome. Something happened. Closing doors behind his back, his sight remained on the black-haired male before him. Before he could ask for an explanation, Toothless continued. "Atali didn't let me see Hiccup today."

James's eyes widened, and his heart raced. "W-what? What happened? Why?!"

Tobias glanced over at him. Hookfang could read him clearly, surprisingly. He was in pain. "She told me that she heard about my behavior and she wouldn't let me see him until I took care of myself finally." Hookfang avoided his glare and lowered it onto the ground, ashamed. It was his fault. "I don't blame you for telling her the truth." As always everything knowing Toothless knew what was happening and who was to blame. He sighed "She would find out about it sooner or later." He walked up towards his table, resting his hand on it, supporting his whole body by it. "When she didn't let me in, I felt devastated, because she was right, as well as you. I was so irresponsible, so feckless, so reckless. And also to think I was so dumb to even imagine I was able to take care of him?! What I was thinking?!" He rested now on the table. His whole body was raising with his every breath.

Hookfang bit his lip at such a sight, he walked up to him and sat by the table at the chair nearby Tobias. He sighed. "You were thinking clear as always." The head which was now placed on the table was turned in James's direction. He couldn't help but stare now into his bright green eyes. They were slightly red. Did he cry? James tightens his teeth at the sight. "You were right-" He sighed. "-and I wasn't. I was selfish, I was thinking that if you adopt him, I would lose a party companion, forgetting that it's not who you are." Tobias was about to say something, but James swiftly continued. "You're one of the most responsible, strong, and confident persons I ever know. You're tough, you're stubborn and I'm sure you would be able to take care of him. I was just scared you took his needs over your own, but you know what? That's fucking wrong! You're doing all of that, not only to get family for him but also to get family for yourself. To have someone always by yourself. To have someone who you would truly love. And I'm sure both of you already love each other. If all of that wasn't something good and needed for you, I don't know what would be."

Tobias smiled at him brightly. James was frightened by it, but also delighted. He would never get used to smiling Tobias. Eventually, Tobias was saddened. "What do you trying to say?"

"Isn't that clear? Tobias, you have to adopt him! Not only you would give home and love to an abounded child, but also you would give the happiness you deserve to yourself as well! I'm sure you would be the best parent in the world." Tobias sighed loudly, stood up, and did something James couldn't register. Tobias hugged him, and it felt great.

"You don't know how much your words mean to me right now." James felt Tobias tightening his grip. "But, would I be able to take care of myself as well as of him?"

James broke contact, just to look straight at him eye to eye. "Believe me, when over your head is going to be child, you're going to wish to take care of yourself." Both chuckled at it. "Besides, we would learn you about it, right? I know I earlier said I wouldn't help, but I will! I swear! I mean, we have time-"

"Few days."

"See? It's a lot of time! So-" James stood up, crossing his arms at his chest. "Stop that nonsense! Go to sleep young man!"

"I was about to-"

"No explanation!" Seeing Tobias's glare getting colder, he smiled nervously. "It's going to be good for your health."

Tobias nodded. "Guess I should." He glanced over at James. "Thank you for your support."

"That's why I'm here. Most supportive person in the world!"

"Very well then. C'mon most supportive person in the world, I will sendoff you by doors." Both now walked towards said doors, by which they made their final nods in way of goodbye. James was about to turn towards the stairs but was stopped by Tobias. "James, I'm sorry about mentioning your mother." He froze immediately and listened carefully to his every word. "She was an awful woman since she cheated on her husband and a terrible mother since she left you without any goodbye at a such young age. I shouldn't recall her, even in an argument."

James breathed loudly and turned to him, but fortunately, a smile remained on his face. "You think I don't know that?! Good thing you're sorry."

"Couldn't you just say 'thank you?"

"Nah, that would be boring." Tobias shook his head, crossing his arms at his chest. "Now, go to sleep. We will see tomorrow"

"Right. See you tomorrow."

Unimportant facts :

Because of my crazy MBTI friend, I also got interested, because of which here we are :

Tobias - ISTP

James - ESTP

Sarah - ESTJ (change here, ESFJ)

Both twins - ENFP (change here, ESFP)

Martha - ISFJ

Also, for Toothcup fans :

Fem!Hiccup - INFP

We might start a debate about that. I'm curious about your opinion about that.