Something, I didn't have

by Ni3zgodna

Modern AU. Tobias Night had never experienced a normal way of life. Since childhood, he got nothing to value. He learned how to live with everything that was given, forgetting there must be something more about life than a survivor. One rainy day was enough to change his whole point of view. After that day, he couldn't look at himself as a survivalist, but more as a...father?

9. Something commencing

Saying he was stressed would be a terrible misunderstanding. He was terrified. Most of Saturday evening as well as Sunday morning he spends preparing his apartment. What was happening? Well, Tobias had a guest. Important guest. Coming was a psychologist from city hall. Its job was to check if Tobias is even capable of adopting a child. Supposed, talk as well as presentation of his mobility towards parenting, showing he was indeed responsible and sane. If everything would go in a good direction, the only thing which would stand against him about adopting Hiccup would be some kind of office worker, which had power over Henry's documents.

Toothless tried breathing loudly, but surprisingly it seemed like the hardest job in his life now. He ran around the whole apartment. From his room, towards the kitchen until his bathroom. Everything had to be perfect. There couldn't stay anything that would say exactly straight he isn't worth such duty as taking care of the child. Such small nonetheless. He throw away everything that had value as dangerous. He cleaned the whole place, just to show he wasn't living in some mess. He even cooked dinner, despite the fact he barely is cooking! His nerves only tensed when the hour of the appointment came. Tobias sat by the couch, now waiting for anything to happen, same time checking if he didn't forget about anything.

His heart stopped rapidly at the sound of knocking. He knew it wasn't his friends, he informed everyone about that meeting. Everyone seemed happy after that information, twins even too much. He stood up and walked towards the door, last time trying to remind himself of something he might forget. Now standing in front of his objective, he held the door handle but didn't push it. He breathed loudly, and just then he opened the doors widely, just to be met with pair of green eyes. The woman rather skinny glanced over at him rather surprised by his presence, her brown hair was made in a braid which at the top was tied up into a bun. She cleared her throat. "Mister Night?"

"Yes?"

Her eyes widened. "I'm sorry! I thought for a second I had mistaken doors!" She glanced over her papers, now comparing them with the numbers on doors, an apartment number. "You know, I was told you're 18!"

He crossed his arms. "I am 18." Inside his mouth he tightened his teeth, not to show her his sudden annoyance.

"I know! I mean, I didn't know. You look-" She chuckled. "-older than that." Before he could respond, she sharply added. "Maybe, let's just start. Shall we?" Tobias opened her doors widely and made her room so she was able to step inside. When she did, she took off her coat and hang it on the hanger. She looked around, likely she even now started analyzing everything around her. She handed him her hand. "Mathilda Ack. Everyone just calls me Ack or miss Ack." He raised his brow at her. "It isn't formal if you think so! It's just how everyone kept naming me. No big deal."

He shook her palm lightly. "Tobias Night."

"Okay, Tobias." She stepped from the hallway inside the living room. "Is the neighborhood safe?"

"Rather yes."

"Were you ever met with a burglar? Any dangerous people around?"

"I don't think so."

"Any arsons?" He raised his brow at her, and she sighed. "That means no." She noted all of it in her documentaries.

He shook his head. "Wasn't the first question answer for all of them?"

"I know these questions are likely annoying, but that's just protocol. I can't do much about it." She took off her boots. "Okay. Now, apartment." She looked around as Tobias let her. Both now likely were trying to find anything suspicious about it. "It's really clean in here."

"Thank you."

"Also really cozy." She glanced over the bedroom. "There isn't anything for the child yet?"

"I was told to not buy anything yet. It would be a waste if I would without making myself sure it would be used."

"Very well." She still kept looking carefully. From now on, everything seemed for Tobias to go in a good direction. She glanced over the kitchen, looked at the bathroom, and didn't have any questions about them so he took it as welfare.

She stopped suddenly by his shelves. She smiled. "Who they are?" She pointed to a picture over one of them.

He smiled at the view of both known persons. "Those are my parents."

"They look here so happy." She glanced over at him. "Do you still keep with them any contact?"

He saddened. "They died."

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He exhaled loudly. "We all have to keep pushing anyway."

"They would be proud of you." He didn't turn to her, staring at that photo, likely imagining they just said that so. "I mean, not only you were able to provide yourself with a such healthy life, but also want to share it with an orphan. It's really meaningful."

He breathed loudly. "I guess so."

They stared for a mere moment more before she stopped their silence. "It's time to continue. I have a question for you." She pointed at him with her pen. "Let's sit." Then, her hand changed target as she pointed at the couch.

"Is Miss hungry?" She glanced over at him. He smiled awkwardly. "I made dinner if the miss is interested in it so."

"My dear boy-" She whispered, just to exclaim. "I'm always hungry! Bring it on!"

She sat by the armchair, now analyzing each of his movements. He brought two plates with tableware, and just then he held the pan which placed was in pasta with rather cream sauce. "Carbonara. My friend learned me how to make such so." He put a portion onto her plate. "I'm not much of a cooker, so I won't promise it's the best."

"Mister Night-" She shook her head. "Don't you know you don't have to know how to cook actually?"

"Really?" He asked while applying his portion.

"What is important, is that we know children have something to eat. I'm not worried about where he eats, it might just be ordered food. Most important is that it's healthy and the child isn't starved."

"Good to know." He nodded. "Still I'm happy to learn so." He scratched his head. "It might be useful."

She tasted it. "It's good." She muttered. "Pasta is overcooked slightly. Besides that, it's great."

"Well, first steps, aren't they?" He sat up, as well enjoyed the taste.

"It's nice-" She shallowed. "But I still have questions for you."

"Bring them on."

"Do you drink any alcohol? Smoking?"

"I'm training, so it's forbidden for me."

"Any psychological problems? Some issues?"

"I'm rather clear-headed."

"What about your friends? I want to make sure you aren't in bad company."

"They are rather responsible people." He thought about twins. "At least most of them." She made him a questioning glare. "But I wouldn't leave with the irresponsible part child."

"Alright." She noted all of that. "I'm sorry for saying that, but I have noticed you're rather reticent. Not even saying about the bigger build of your body. Do you have any aggressive impulses?"

His heart stopped. It was the first time in his life that he was ashamed of his build. He always took it as an advancement, but now? "I wouldn't say I'm aggressive, I'm rather calm and I'm not hot-headed."

"It's not about being aggressive." She glanced over at him. "It's about impulses." She stared at him now. "You might say that you wouldn't, but that doesn't change the fact that you might use domestic abuse by the moment of snap."

His heart raced faster and faster. "I-I know how it is to live through violence. I lived in an orphanage. I w-would never use it against a child with knowledge of how horrible it is."

"I wouldn't say so." Her face became serious. "People which lived through abuse as well became the ability to cause abuse, even there is a bigger chance to became abusive after living through it."

Did he just lose? "No, no. I-I wouldn't never-"

"Never say never."

"No, I mean it! I would never cause harm to the child."

"You can't be sure-"

"I am sure! I would never hurt child-"

"Mister Night, please understand-"

"I would never hurt him!" He likely snapped, and immediately regretted it. There was his lack of hot headiness.

She glanced over at him surprised. "Him?"

He breathed loudly and covered his face with his hand. "I-I'm doing all of this just for him."

"Who is that him?"

"Hiccup. I mean-" He exhaled. "Henry. I found him on the streets some time ago. Abounded by his parents. I-I has done what I could. I called an ambulance, I took care of him then. But it didn't feel enough. I stayed by him half of the night, and the next day I went to meet him. We both created a deep bond. I wanted to do much more. I-I even searched for his former parents-"

"I hope you know representing yourself as a civil servant is illegal?"

"I didn't represent myself as a servant." His head was spinning, he felt he was losing his point. "I just told interested people Henry's history, hoping someone would care about it."

"Still, you weren't allowed to just propose to anyone to just adopt an orphan like that!"

He felt terrible. He was close to giving up. There were too many bad things against him, and he believed he doesn't deserve now that honor. "I know." He nodded. "I just-" He sighed. "I didn't want for him such fate! It's not that I don't know how bad is living in an orphanage, but also he would have it much worse than I ever. His parents abounded him, he would have to live through that knowledge for the rest of his life. Isn't it brutal?!"

"Why is that worse than your state?" She asked while she was now staring at her paper, still noting in the meanwhile. "With what thought you lived then?"

He glanced over the picture of his parents. "I lived with the thought that my parents died for me." She made him a questioning look. He didn't turn his sight onto her. "My mom died during labor while my father by cancer, meanwhile trying to find me the home I deserved."

"How did you live through knowledge of their lack?"

"Well, I have been taking countless times therapy. I learned that they are somewhere here, and with that knowledge, I lived through life. I lived like they were always here, from somewhere watching."

"That's great prospects, Tobias." He just nodded, still sorrowful of the knowledge of his situation now. "Hypothetically, let's say I wouldn't let you those adoption papers. What would you do?"

"Honestly? I would have run towards the hospital Hiccup is in and stayed there through nights, until he disappeared."

"Luckily, it's only hypocritical."

"Then what is truth?"

She sighed. "Let's sum that up now, shall we?" She straightens. "Mister Night, I have nothing against your way of living. You seemed to be responsible and sustainable. Slightly stubborn, yet I wouldn't name it as a bad characteristic." She glanced at her papers. "But then, I'm scared about that abuse. From your history I guess little Henry is fragile, isn't he?" He nodded, almost on edge of giving up. "Nonetheless, I'm joyful about your life values. I'm sure knowledge of the presence of your parents keeps pushing you into being better and better, because of which I believe you really wouldn't use violence against the child." His eyes widened, and a slight smile was created on his face. "But before, I have the last question."

His heart stopped. "Ask away."

"You know, there is a possibility you might lose the chance of college, right?"

"I know."

"Also, there might be the possibility of you quitting school as well."

"I know that as well."

"You know, you might not be able to become someone you always wanted to be. You might not be able to have the career you always wanted."

"Miss Ack, I never actually cared about who I would be in the future. The knowledge I created the family I always wanted would be much more pleasant than that."

She sighed. "Then, summing all of that up, I have no other way, but to say-" She stood up. "Congratulations, I'm giving you permission to adoption."

Tobias almost jumped from happiness, and immediately shook her hand. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"I'm about few hours information would be sent to you electronically, but documents would come by few days by post."

"Yes! Yes, right."

She smiled at him. "Well, since that, I guess it's the end of our meeting." She walked towards the door as he followed her. She dressed herself up, but before she walked away, she turned to him. "One more thing-" He focused. She became serious. "-remember it is only halfway toward adoption, right? Don't make yourself false hope."

"What you're trying to say?"

"I'm not saying you're not going to make it, I wish you would, you deserve it." Tobias blushed, rather joyful. "I'm just saying if so prepare yourself for failure because it might come." He nodded slowly, she patted his shoulder. "Well, but at last you're in halfway. I wish you good luck and I'm hoping we would see each other again, maybe, by the way, maybe not only two of us." She winked at him.

He chuckled. "Thank you again, this time for advice."

"Goodbye then mister Night and good luck." She turned as she just walked through the doors.

He waved despite hers not seeing it. "Goodbye." He closed the doors. As he did he stood before them like an idiot just so turns to them by back and slide against them towards the ground. He sat, and breathed loudly. He did it. He is closer than farther. He did it.

---

He walked inside known as his white room, rather happy about being here again. As he stepped in, he immediately was welcomed with the smile of a known work of the hospital. "Who do we have here?" She walked towards him as he closed the doors behind himself. "Aren't you too early today?"

He chuckled. "If you want I still can just go away." She shook her head as she crossed her arms. Tobias glanced behind her, where the hospital bassinet had its place. "Should I come at another hour?"

"No, it's alright." She glanced overclock at the wall. "He is about to wake up, so I'm rather happy that I'm having you here."

He walked towards two of them and glanced down into the bassinet looking now at the peacefully sleeping little form of Hiccup. "How was today's night for him?"

"Pretty well. I didn't hear any complaining from nurses."

"That's good." He kept staring at the now tiny body as he sat on the chair closest to him. His eyes were closed, his palms were in little fists and two of his arms were both at two sides of his head. A cute view indeed. He could look over him like that uncountable amount of time if it wasn't for information he was restless to share with Atali. "I got adoption permission." He turned to her with a bright smile. "I can become his father."

"Really?!" She giggled. "That's amazing! It's great!"

He stood, now standing before her. "Only thing that stayed to do now is convincing his guardian from city hall." He frowned. "Why I never saw him? Isn't Henry likely his responsibility?"

"Hers, actually."

"You know her then?"

"She was my student." He made her confused glare. "Back when I was a professor at a local college."

"I didn't know."

"How could you?" She exhaled. "Anyway, I know it's her, because she was here once, on the first day in the morning. I'm saddened she didn't come here afterward."

"I guess I would have to talk with her then?" He nodded to himself. "How is she then?"

"She is ambitious, sometimes too much, and stubborn. Besides that, she is a nice person and smart indeed. I think both of you would be able to get along. Most important while that conversation happens for her would be to know if you're capable of being a parent, which she would know by your papers if you're able to keep on financially and also if you're having good relation with hers charge." She snorted. "About the last one, I wouldn't be worried if I were you."

He chuckled, then exhaled. "Then I guess the last thing which remained is to see with her."

"I informed her about your wiliness towards adopting him to which she replied she would come here today."

His throat knotted. "T-today?"

"Amazing, right?" She smiled at him. "If everything goes well, you might take little Henry to his new home even this evening!"

His heart raced. "T-this evening?"

Just then, the door opened and from them get out one of the nurses, called for her and immediately left. Atali tensed. "It might be her!" She avoided standing before her Tobias as she rushed towards the doors. In difference to her, Tobias stood frozen. "You stay here, I'm going to bring her here. If Henry wakes up, you know what to do." She didn't get him time to reply as with a large bump she closed the doors.

He stood there for a moment afterward. If everything goes well, he might take him home even today! His heart raced, and at his face streaming was the uncountable amount of happiness he never lived through. He walked towards the bassinet, now without hesitation staring at little body. Hiccup's chest was raising slightly, he couldn't help but imagine what was on his face was a slight smile. Toothless melted. If everything goes well. He breathed loudly. He still remembered the warning of miss Ack, but couldn't help, but hope, if everything goes well.

Little eyes started opening. At first, Tobias didn't know how to react but eventually decided to wait for Hiccup's first reaction. His eyes started blinking furiously, trying to get used to the light of the room. When they did he glanced around, analyzing his surroundings. He immediately stopped when his little forest green eyes were met with those bright green eyes. Toothless smiled widely.

"Good morning, buddy." Hiccup's chest was now raising rapidly, and his mouth opened as he became tense at the whole body. Someone is excited, isn't he? Tobias chuckled. "Have you slept well?" Hiccup raised his arms towards him, in response Toothless handed him his hand which caused now Hiccup to hold onto Toothless thumb. Tobias didn't expect such a reaction as Hiccup afterward squealed loudly, louder than he ever heard from him. "You are excited, aren't you?" He again chuckled. "Is reason that you woke up by me?" In response got out an even louder squeal. "I guess so." He smiled. "Would you like to wake up like that every day? Because I would love so." Eventually, Tobias looked around, then at the Hiccup as his facial smirk formed. "Since Atali gave me the responsibility of taking care of you, I think I have no other choice." He lowered his arms towards Hiccup as he took him, holding him tightly. Just then, when the hold was tight enough, he raised him and kept it against his chest.

Tobias was amazed at how tense the little body in his hold was. At that new position Hiccup's eyes only widened as he still was showing his excitement about the situation. Toothless exhaled loudly. "I have good news for you buddy, I might become your dad." He brought towards him one hand which didn't hold him, and immediately Hiccup brought his as well, causing now Toothless pointing a finger to be held by the whole tiny palm of Hiccup. "Or brother. You might choose, I have no problem with both of those titles." He sighed. "I also have to say you something more, because of which you listen to me, okay?" He shook both palms because of his head, causing getting Hiccup's whole attention. "You know, you were probably one of, like not the best, things that ever happened to me?" He placed his cheek against Hiccup's head. Despite the fact Hiccup probably didn't understand the word, he continued. "Listen, if it won't work, if all of my work now is going to be useless, please don't ever blame yourself for what happened to you. It was your parents which were monsters, not you." He glanced over him and took his hand from his hold to by which embrace him more. "You're the most innocent and you don't deserve such fate." Not changing his position, Tobias turned his head so his lips were against Hiccup's skin. He kissed him, causing both of them to close their eyes, then moved back, for both of their sadness. "But if everything would be alright if I'm going to be able to adopt you, I swear I will make sure you would be happy. I swear."

Their little moment was interrupted as doors were opened widely. From there two figures made their way inside, one known Tobias pretty well, and another not so much. It was rather a skinny woman, she crossed her arms on him, her blue eyes were visible underneath her brows as well as her auburn hair was tied in a high bun. "Are you mister allowed to hold him?"

His eyes widened as his heart stopped. Immediately Atali rushed to him and took the tiny boy into her hands, with rather a difficulty as Hiccup didn't seem to be willing to change his position. He held onto Tobias's turtleneck in the hope to stay as he was. As gently as he could, Tobias took his palms away from himself. There was sobbing coming from him, but fortunately, Atali was able to calm him. Toothless couldn't help but smile at the knowledge of missing him Hiccup. Then his attention focused on the young woman before him. He walked forwards to her and handed her his hand. "Tobias Night."

"Minden Razor. Henry's guardian as well as the city worker." She shook his hand. "I guess you're one willing into adoption. I'm happy we're meeting so early."

"No more than me." He chuckled as he scratched his head. Was that happening?

"I guess there is nothing much to do more than plan our discussion." She took her bag, from which she reached for her phone. "Do you have time in about an hour?"

His heart stopped. "H-hour?"

"Well, yes. I still have to go to the city hall for your documents as well as Henry's." She glanced over at him. "So, about that time."

"I-I have time, it can be in an hour."

"Great!" She noted. "Don't make yourself big hopes as it's only discussion. The official adoption agreement has to happen in city hall." He exhaled loudly. "Yet because of Henry's state, as well as his lack of documents which might be created the same moment your adoption does, it doesn't change the fact all of it might happen today. Such appointments are likely about 20 minutes long."

He chuckled nervously. "T-today?"

"That's right." She glanced over at Atali with Hiccup in her arms. "He might become yours even today."

Toothless looked when she did. He saw Hiccup now peacefully eating from his bottle. He might become his even today. "A-alright then." He breathed loudly as he turned to her. "I guess it's in an hour then."

"Brilliant." She handed him a piece of paper. "My number, as well as few another, 's ways of contact." She then clicked inside her mouth. "I am tempted to coffee. Is it a problem if we met in a café? Less stress for you in known territory."

"That's fine."

She glanced over her phone at the clock. "I guess I should go then. I still need to get those documents." She turned around as she walked towards the door. "See you soon." With that, she left.

He stood there for a while afterward, just so the voice behind him woke him up from the unconscious. "I guess that is it, Tobias," Atali said silently, to not scare Henry who ate next to her.

Toothless nodded. "That's it." He breathed loudly, then turned to her. "I probably should go as well."

"Alright." He walked towards doors, but before closing them Atali called for him. "Good luck, and see you soon again."

He smiled at her. "See you soon." He took a last glance over at Hiccup before closing the doors. He stood before them for a mere moment afterward. He breathed loudly. It's happening.