strawberry blond

by planteria

Ed and Ling are fifteen when they fall for each other, the Promised Day creeping on them day by day. They're sixteen when they fall apart. And life moves on, so they try to learn how to too.

This was originally posted on AO3 and I suggest reading it there (same title and same author name) because I couldn't get my links to outside references and artwork to transfer. If there are weird spaces anywhere, assume that's from a link that didn't transfer.

Forewarning: this is sad. I wrote it to cope with a break up, but I'm considering re-writing it to be more feel good eventually.

---

"I love her, you know." Ed tries his best to not react to that, to not take his eyes off the seemingly endless road in front of him. His stomach twists nauseatingly anyway and he grips the steering wheel a bit tighter. Somewhere in the backseat, Darius and Heinkel are snoring away like the assholes they are. Making a fifteen-year-old drive so they can sleep for three… maybe it's been four hours. It's at least been three. Honestly, Ed hasn't exactly been paying attention. He hasn't been paying attention since Greed insisted on riding in the passenger seat next to him. Since the conversation between the four of them had died and the backseat passengers fell asleep. Since Greed got bored and—

"Isn't that like an abuse of power or something?" Ed asks as casually as he can muster with a slight shake of his head. And, in the passenger seat, Ling laughs. Actual Ling, not just Greed using his body like some sort of sock puppet.

"Ed," Ling laughs, looking over at him. Ed's stomach twists in a different kind of way.

"I'm serious, you bastard," he retorts, trying to bite down the smile that's pulling at the corners of his mouth. "You can't—"

"We've known each other since we were kids, Ed," Ling interrupts. "Of course I love her. You get that, right?"

There it is again. Lan Fan. Something deep within Ed swallows that momentary joy and aches as he readjusts his hands on the wheel. He honestly felt so stupid sometimes. Somewhere in the last few months, Ed had almost forgotten that Ling was in line for a throne and had a life outside of Amestris. He had started making plans in his head to have Ling come to Resembool with him and take him to the annual Sheep Festival and introduce him to Granny and—

"What do you mean?" Ed asks instead of saying anything actually sincere.

"You know what I mean," Ling answers with an elbow into Ed's metal arm. "Like you and Winry."

"Oh," is all he manages to get out around the hole that seems to be forming inside of him. He only has himself to blame for this. He had been the one to ask if Ling missed Lan Fan. And he got his answer. He had been the one holding onto some disillusioned hope that Ling felt the same for him. He had been the one who was daydreaming, and staring, and trying to forget that Ling was going to leave him… Ling was going to leave him. Just like Mom and his father both had. And it hurts. Ling couldn't have known that Winry was much more like a sister to him than anything romantic. That Winry tends to prefer women much over men and that Ed had never let himself stop to look or think about anyone before…

Before Ling.

Ed isn't sure how long neither of them don't say anything for, the car tires trampling over rocks and small plants that have cropped up on the dirt road. But he can feel Ling staring at him. And so he looks, despite feeling like he wants to scream. He looks.

Ling just smiles at him and says, "I'm so glad you understand."

---

"What are you going to do first when you get back to Xing?"

"I'm going to become emperor, of course."

Ed scoffs only a little and rolls his eyes. "But before that." He turns his head to look at Ling laying in the grass next to him. To his surprise, Ling is already staring at him. "There's going to be some time before you get to the palace or whatever and you'll have to do… something."

Sighing slightly, Ling rolls his head back up towards the canopy of leaves above them, sunlight filtering through and dancing over Ling's face. And Ed is entranced. Sunlight makes Ling's now purple eyes seem to glow. Their time on the road had sharpened his cheek bones and deepened his smile lines and he seems to be coming into his face so well. Not that Ling was ever unattractive! Age and the dancing shadows only further enhance the natural wonder that is Ling Yao's face.

Distantly, Ed can almost hear Mom's voice again, nagging him that staring was rude. But he isn't sure this actually counted. He isn't staring, he's watching. And besides, "staring" is probably less rude than trying to fill the silence by blabbering about nothing. As a child, Ed had hated silence. Maybe it was because of how sad Mom looked when it was quiet or because later, it left him with nothing but space to miss Mom. But somewhere between Mom dying and joining the military, Ed had realized that he no longer felt the urge to fill any and all ounces of silence.

"I think I'll go see my mom," Ling answers finally, not looking back over at Ed. "I haven't seen her since a few months before I left for Amestris." A breeze tousles Ling's bangs and he chews on his lip a little. Ed lifts a leg off the ground and crosses over his metal one.

"What's she like?" he asks before he could really think through what to say. Ling's bottom lip slips out from between his teeth, a small chuckle escaping with it.

"What can I say?" Ling returns rhetorically, his head rolling over to meet Ed's eyes. "She's amazing, my mother. She was the one who first taught me how to fight." A gentle smile pulls further across Ling's face. "Though, I guess you'd consider it more self-defense than real fighting. But, honestly, Ed, she's an amazing woman. I'd love for you to meet her. She'd love you…" Ling's smile becomes shit-eating. "And that's not just because you're shorter than her."

"Hey!" Ed exclaims, smacking Ling's shoulder. He just laughs. "I'm pretty sure I've grown over the last couple of months, you jackass! Or at the very least, you're shrinking! So you have no right to be calling—"

Ling rolls over on top of Edward with little hesitation and a surprising lack of decorum. Their faces just inches apart, chests touching, and Ling's purple eyes locked with Ed's gold. Ed swallows thickly as the last of his complaints catch in his throat. Ling smiles down at him with one hand next to Ed's head and the other resting softly on his shoulder.

"I was just joking, Ed," Ling says strangely quietly.

"I-I knew that," he answers defensively. Ling chuckles, his head falling forward slightly so that his forehead nearly comes to rest on Ed's. And Ed can't breathe. Despite himself, he's not even really sure he wants to. This might be an okay way to die, Ling on top of him smiling with a slight flush creeping over his cheeks.

"Sure you did," he replies, the tip of nose just barely grazing Ed's. Ed's heart is hammering in his chest and his mouth feels dry and he's sure Ling is aware of at least one of those. Ed feels his lips part slightly as he lets out a shaky breath and can't bring himself to close them or tear his eyes away from Ling's. So he watches as Ling's gaze travels from Ed's down to his mouth and—

Ling closes his eyes. And Ed buzzes with anticipation.

But suddenly Ling is pushing away from him. "Time's up!" he semi-shouts, standing up. Confused, Ed sits up and stares at him, not sure if he should be angry or hurt. Dusting himself off with his back to Ed, he says, "That was pretty gay, kid."

"Greed?!" Ed asks, already knowing the answer.

"The one and only. But, really, that was tough to watch," he answers, voice and cadence remarkably different from Ling's. "Like, jeez, if you want something, you need to learn to just take it." The purple eyes that meet Ed's now are cold. "Stop being so awkward and dancing around shit. It can't be good for you."

And with that, Ed watches him walk away, leaving him still sitting in the dirt under the tree.

---

Late winter wind waves through Ed's hair, mussing it up slightly. Sighing, he collects it behind his head, pulling his leather cord around it tightly. He wanted to try to keep his hair down while he was up here to maybe keep him warmer. But luck doesn't seem to be on his side tonight. So he wraps his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his knees and stares out at the lights of Resembool. They'd gotten here last night, nearly scaring Granny to death. Part of Ed can't help but smile slightly at the thought of all the ways Winry would actually murder him if he had really scared Granny to death. How would he even explain that? I accidentally killed Granny just by coming home. So sorry. I won't do it again… because she's already dead. For his own sake, he's lucky she survived. Winry would…

His smile pulls down at the right corner of his mouth and his eyebrows knit together. How long has it been since he's seen her or Al? Nearly four months now? Maybe even five? His stomach sinks like a stone at the realization. Of course he's been worried about both of them and thinks about them daily, he just… never stopped to realize how long it's been. Even Granny hasn't heard from them in a while. What have they been through in the time he's been away? What has he not been there to protect them from? Are they okay?

Another gust of wind shoves his bangs out of his face, goosebumps crawling up his arm and leg. It's nowhere near as cold as it was up north this fall, but it's still unseasonably cold for the end of March in Resembool. The Sheep Festival is next week, he realizes blithely. He had been so excited a few months ago to show Ling where he grew up and take him to the aforementioned festival, but now it's been what? A month? A month and a half since he's seen Ling? Greed hasn't let him out to interact with the world since that incident under the tree. And it's been lonely. Not that Darius , Heinkel , or Greed are necessarily bad company, they're just so much older than him with different interests and perspectives on the world. They're adults and he's just some fifteen—oh fuck, he missed his birthday last month, he's sixteen now—year-old that they let tag along and listen to every once in a while. It's not the same as having people his own age around to interact with.

A roof shingle creaks behind him and Ed whips around to see why, heart pounding in his throat.

"Just me," Greed says, putting his hands up near his shoulders in surrender. Ed lets out the breath he was holding and turns back around to stare at the town. Over the wind, he can hear Greed begin to approach him again.

"What're you doing up here?" he asks uninterestedly, though he's genuinely curious about the homunculus' answer. Greed has never sought him out before in the months they've been traveling together. Usually, he waits for Ed to come to him or just confronts him in front of Darius and Heinkel.

"I wanted to talk with you," is the earnest, almost hopeful answer as he sits down next to him on the edge of the roof.

"'Bout what?" Ed asks, glancing over at him before returning his gaze to the lights in front of him. And strangely, Greed laughs. As if it's supposed to be obvious and Ed is missing part of a joke that—

Ed startles. "Ling?!" he exclaims in realization and partial confusion. In their short interaction thus far, it had taken him far too long to notice that it wasn't Greed talking to him or laughing at him… which explained a lot of his questions.

"Hi, Ed," Ling says, smiling at him in the dark.

"Holy shit, Ling," Ed replies in something embarrassingly close to relief. He also blames it on shock as he nearly tackles Ling off the roof in a hug. As soon as he starts to actually think, Edward pulls back, muttering some half-comprehensible apology. Ling continues to laugh, still supporting his weight almost fully on his hands placed behind him. Ed feels his face flush as he continues to ramble about… something. He's really not even sure what he's saying right now. His mouth is just sort of saying words and so he stops himself for a moment.

"I haven't seen you in like a month," Ed says normally. Ling laughs.

"Well, you've seen my body for that long, so it's not like you haven't seen me at all, " he shoots back. Ed cringes.

"Don't phrase it that way."

"Don't phrase it in what way?"

"You know what I mean," Ed replies and shoves Ling's shoulder slightly.

"I don't think I do," Ling laughs and crawls towards Ed slightly as if he isn't aware that they have both definitely seen each other naked on several occasions… by accident!

"Whatever, you bastard," Ed says, rolling his eyes and turning back towards the horizon. Settling in next to him, Ling slowly stops laughing, resting his arms on top of his knees. Ed sort of half-wonders how cold it gets in the part of Xing Ling is from. He knows that Xing is huge in comparison to Amestris, but he's never stopped to ask Ling where he's even from. Not that he's gotten a lot of time or opportunities to ask even if he had wanted to. Ed shifts a little uncomfortably.

"Is this where you grew up?" Ling asks quietly, looking over at him.

"Yeah," Ed answers. "Al and I used to live in a house on top of that hill over there before our mom died." He lets Ling follow his pointing finger in the dark for a moment before returning it to wrap around his legs again. "After that, we came here to live with Granny and Winry… and Winry's parents before they died too." Ling looks back over at him, face strangely neutral. After a while, he just pats Ed's automail arm and looks away.

"You seem to know a lot of dead people," he comments, quasi joking.

"Yeah," Ed chuckles humorlessly. "I guess it comes with the territory of living in a military state." Ling doesn't laugh at that. Ed shouldn't have expected him to. The two of them grew up in two completely different circumstances, in two different countries, and in two different languages. Ed probably shouldn't have expected their senses of humor to line up perfectly, but he'd been hopeful. But instead of reflecting on this, Ed asks, "What was it like? The part of Xing you grew up in?"

"Warmer than this," Ling says quickly, a laugh escaping from both him and Ed. "The Yao clan lives about two days away from the… we call it the Western Desert, but you know what I'm talking about." Ling looks over at Ed, the side of his face resting against his knees. "We grow a lot of rice. That's how we got to be so powerful… That and we have a lot of mines for precious metals and jewels. But we like to joke that it's just rice that got us our money." Ling laughs at himself a little. "It's a staple in Xing, the way bread is here. And we eat it with almost everything. My mom even used to make this… rice porridge for me whenever I got sick as a kid. So I was a little surprised to find out how little you all eat it in Amestris."

"Yeah, well," Ed says, feigning defense, "not all of us love rice that much."

Ling chuckles, "I know. But it's so much better than that tall grass you guys use for bread."

"You mean wheat?"

"Sure, if that's what you want to call it," Ling says with a grin. Ed really missed him. Instead of expressing that, he rolls his eyes.

"You're insufferable. You know that, right?"

"What's near vermillion turns red and what's near ink gets stained black," Ling laughs. Ed furrows his eyebrows.

"What does that mean?" he asks, confused. Ling blinks at him.

"What does what mean?"

"What you just said, you jerk."

"'What's near vermillion turns red and what's near ink turns black?'" Ling asks.

"Yes," Ed answers, chuckling. "What does that mean?"

"Just that we take on the color of our company, Edward Elric, " Ling answers lowly with a shit eating grin.

Something about the sound of his own name sends a shiver down Ed's spine. Deciding to blame it on the wind, he leans forward a little and fires back, "Are you trying to say I'm a bad influence, Ling Yao?"

"I'm saying you're the worst influence," Ling answers, sitting up and leaning in. Ed rolls his eyes but doesn't try to reclaim any personal space.

"That's rich coming from you," Ed quips. "Haven't you been to prison?"

"Aren't you wanted by the Amestrian military?"

"So are you, Mr. I'm-harboring-a-homunculus-in-my-own-body!"

"It's not harboring! It's sharing," Ling says defensively, still smiling.

"If it's sharing, how come I haven't heard from you in a month and a half?"

At that, the smile finally falls from Ling's face and he sits up straighter, back rigid and tense. His finger traces patterns into his pant leg and he chews on his bottom lip a little. Finally, without looking at Ed, he admits, "Greed sort of gave me an ultimatum after what happened last time and… but it was my choice to stay away."

"What?" Ed asks, his head whipping towards Ling. "What do you mean you chose to stay away?"

Ling's finger freezes on top of his shin and he seemingly stops breathing for a second. "He's the embodiment of avarice. And me not—I wasn't going to take what I wanted."

Something turns in Ed's stomach uneasily as he remembers Greed's comment from the last time he had spoken with Ling. "And so that meant Greed's gotten to do fuck all because why? " Ling glances at Ed with something nervous in his eyes.

"I didn't want to come out—I wasn't ready."

Anger, or something close to it, swells up inside Ed. "What was it, Ling? You decide you won't speak to me for a month and a half just because what? You weren't ready to want something? What kind of bullshit is that? You've never shied away from going after what you want. That's how you ended up in Amestris. It's how you ended up with Greed in the first place!"

Ling looks taken aback. "Why are you so upset about this?"

"Ling, I just spent a month and a half barely holding conversations with Darius and Heinkel and constantly trying to convince Greed that my ideas are actually his ideas so that he'll go with them and doesn't get the rest of us caught or killed. I haven't seen Al or Winry in months! And when you just disappeared, it felt like I lost you too!" Ling just stares at him for a moment before Ed breaks his gaze to look back out at the town. Quieter now, he continues, "You're one of the few people my age who I can actually consider to be a friend. And I—" He lets out a shaky breath. "I was so scared when you first let Greed in that I had lost you forever. And I'm just always… worried that one day he'll take over and you'll just be gone. "

"Ed," Ling starts, but Ed doesn't let him.

Turning to meet Ling's gaze, he interrupts, "And then I didn't get to see you for weeks on end. And we have one afternoon where we just get to hang out and talk. Then because of some shit Greed said, you suddenly decide to not speak to me for a month and a half, Ling?" Ling opens his mouth to say something, but Ed continues anyway, "I can't even imagine what you do for a month and a half just inside your own head! Frankly, I don't want to know, you bastard. I just wish you would take whatever it is you want that's preventing you from being here because—"

Ed chokes on the rest of his sentence as Ling's mouth collides with his, teeth hitting each other and a hand gripping the base of Ed's ponytail. There's not even enough time for his brain to process what's happening before Ling pulls back and stares at Ed's face.

"That's what I wanted," Ling says, fear in his eyes and hand still in his hair. Reeling, Ed isn't sure what Ling finds in his expression, but it makes him drop his hand and presumably cuss in Xingese.

"I'm sorry," Ling begins, moving to try to stand up on the slanted roof. "That was—I didn't think—" Ed's brain finally catches up and momentary panic sets in as Ling mutters something in Xingese. "I'm sorry, Ed. I don't know what—"

Ed grabs the collar of Ling's shirt, pulling him down from where he was half standing so that their lips meet again. He can feel Ling's eyes flutter shut as his eyelashes brush across his cheek. Ed's nose pushes into Ling's cheek, distinctly smelling of smoke and Granny's favorite soap. Ling wraps his hands around the back of Ed's neck and pushes him slowly down against the roof. They end up with their heads aiming towards the ground and Ed is only half amazed that they don't fall off. But largely he doesn't care. Ling's lips are on his, his weight is on top of him, and despite everything, it all feels okay. Warm, mushy euphoria melts through his organs as Ed claws at Ling's clothes to keep him this close, to get him closer, to try to keep this moment for just a little longer.

Something at the back of his mind nags that Granny or Darius or Heinkel can hear them somewhere in the house below or that Greed might be aware of what's happening right now. Somewhere above the wind, he's vaguely aware that he's gasping every time Ling's mouth isn't fully on his and that would be mortifying if Granny could hear it. He's also pretty sure that something stupid and needy would come tumbling out of his mouth at this moment if either of them came up for air. But he doesn't care. From Ling's weight crushing him, to Ling's hand under his shirt and his tongue in his mouth, it's a lot to process and he feels like it's making him stupid and he doesn't care. Instead, he works his metal arm under the collar of Ling's shirt and down his back, not thinking that it might be cold until Ling hisses a little. Nonetheless, his fingers weave through Ed's hair, slowly loosening his hair tie and pulling slightly and Ed can't help the moan that escapes him. His head is swimming from the blood rushing to it and lack of oxygen. His nerves burn either from the wind or the way Ling is touching him. And he's aware that these might be bad signs. But for the first time in months, Edward Elric doesn't care. For just one moment, he doesn't care about anything.

Breathless, cold upside down, and desperate, Ed kisses Ling Yao like any normal sixteen-year-old would.

---

"You're leaving?" Ed asks, trying to keep his voice even. Al glances at him and pulls the blanket tighter.

"Yeah," Ling answers, confidence wavering. "We need to get home so we can bury Fu."

"Oh," Ed says, hoping his tone doesn't betray the ache that settles within him despite everything. He can feel Al's eyes on him and the way Lan Fan is searching his face. An itch at the back of his skull tells him that she probably already knows.

Readjusting his stance, Ling looks back at Lan Fan and asks her something in Xingese. She's visibly confused but nods anyway. Mei glances between the four of them, seemingly trying to piece the interaction together herself. And then Ling turns back towards the brothers.

"Al," he asks, "do you mind if I borrow your brother for a few minutes?"

"Sure," Al replies with a smile. "Take him for as long as you need him." At the sight of Al's face, Ed's guts twist around the ache of Ling leaving, trying to smother it. As much as he wants to privately say goodbye to Ling, part of him—okay, a lot of him —doesn't want to leave Al just yet. They'd spent almost five and a half months apart, Al just got his body back, and their father was hell knows where. And Ling was leaving. So he couldn't just leave Al alone.

Anxiety tears through his knotted organs and nausea washes over him. "Are you sure?" he asks instead of focusing on his own rising panic. "Will you be okay by yourself for a bit?"

Al just smiles again, meeting his eyes. "Of course. Plus, I'll have Mei and Lan Fan here to keep me company."

"Okay," Ed says, nodding and helping him over to a nearby bench. As Al sits, Ed bites his lip and asks again, "You're sure? I don't want to leave you right now if you need me, and I can tell him—"

" Brother, " he interrupts. "Go. I'll be fine."

"Okay," Ed answers with finality. "Okay… I'll see you in just a few minutes."

Al laughs weakly and gently shoves Ed's shoulder. "Go. I'll be right here when you get back."

"Okay," Ed repeats one final time and turns to face Ling who's waiting for him with his hands in his pockets. Throughout this entire interaction, Ed's been trying desperately to not stare at his bare arms. Not that he's much better right now, but he's nowhere near as muscular as Ling. Not to mention the hole in Ling's shirt showing off his midriff and—Ed should be used to seeing muscular arms and abs thanks to Major Armstrong. But until this moment, he wasn't aware that… muscular arms… and stomachs… could be… a little… attractive… maybe. Or at least Ling's are.

"Do you mind if we walk and talk?" Ling asks when Ed finally walks back over to him.

"No," he answers, shoving his hands into his own pockets. One of his fingernails on his right hand catches slightly on the fabric, startling him for a half second. It's going to take him a while to readjust to that hand not being metal.

"Does 'Edward' mean anything in Amestrian?" Ling inquires randomly.

"What?"

"Does your name, 'Edward,' mean anything in Amestrian?" he repeats, staring at the mangled street ahead of them.

"No, not that I'm aware of," Ed answers, not sure where this is going.

"That's what I thought," Ling says. "I was wondering because names always have a meaning in Xingese. Or at least the majority of the time. But I never found something that was also 'Edward' in Amestris, just you."

Ed looks over and meets Ling's eyes, something mushy and warm in them. "Oh," Ed replies stupidly and then flounders for a moment. "What—what does 'Ling' mean in Xingese?"

"My mother always pronounced it as 'dawn,' " Ling states with a small smile. "But in some parts of Xing it can mean 'soul' or 'bell.' "

"None of those seem related to each other," Ed observes, trying desperately to avoid where this conversation is really going.

"No, I guess in Amestrian they don't really."

Then it's quiet for a bit. Or as quiet as it can be. Their footsteps both echo off of the stone beneath them. Distantly, there are people crying and mourning. Some are attempting to clear out some of the rubble. Dogs bark. Birds sing. But it's quiet as Ling and Ed turn a corner, finally out of sight of the others.

Lings fingers are digging into Ed's recently reclaimed arm. "Do you think that house is empty?" is whispered into his ear and Ed nearly shivers.

"Considering half of it looks blown off—"

"Great," Ling interjects, yanking Ed along behind him.

No investigation is done before Ling slams the door behind them, shoves Ed up against a wall, and kisses him. Instinctively, Ed reaches up to weave his fingers through Ling's fair, fighting how tight his ponytail is. As he does, Ling sighs contentedly into Ed's mouth and his hands come up to investigate the skin under his shirt, right above his belt. Everywhere Ling touches him he feels like he's being lit on fire and he wonders distantly if Ling can feel it too. For a moment, with their lips together, they just exist. Limbs tangled together and bodies warm. Ed tries not to think about everything that has just happened to him within the last twelve hours or what's to come within the next half hour.

His brain kicking in a little, Ed pulls Ling back slightly. "How long do you think we have before they get suspicious?"

"I don't know," Ling answers, pecking Ed on the mouth. "Ten minutes maybe?"

"I don't have a watch," Ed states as he kisses Ling again and doesn't think.

"Neither do I."

Ed wants so desperately for that to not matter, to not care about it, but he left his brother essentially naked, sitting on a partially mangled park bench and he just can't. He lets Ling kiss him, but anxiety is slowly chewing its way through his stomach and lungs and—

"Come visit me," Ling whispers in between kisses.

"I don't know how my leg will do in the desert," Ed replies before pecking Ling again gently. He almost feels nauseous. "My automail was burning up just going to Xeres."

Ling pulls his head away slightly to look him in the eyes. Cupping his cheek gently, Ling says, "Well, we have to get Lan Fan home somehow. I'll figure it out with her and send you a letter?"

Ed nods and leans back in for another kiss and Ling happily obliges. It's not long before Ling hums and pulls away again.

"General Mustang was talking to me about setting up a telephone line between Xing and Amestris," he adds casually.

Ed blinks. "What?"

"Yeah, that and a train."

"A train?" Ed repeats dumbly. "Between here and Xing?"

"Yeah," Ling laughs. "It'll take a few years, but then you can visit all the time… and we can call when you're here." For the nth time that day, Ed feels strangely optimistic for the future. But as happiness tries to settle inside him, he can't shake the gnawing worry about Al and what's actually going to happen when Ling goes back to Xing.

"Th-that'll be nice," Ed says hesitantly as Ling's thumb runs over his cheek, just under his eye. Ling's brows furrow.

"What are you nervous about?"

"I—nothing. It'll be fine," Ed reassures, trying to ignore how his heart is starting to race and his guts have started twisting again. But then he meets Ling's now brown eyes and he's giving him that look, and Ed sighs and says, "I'm just… I left Al and… and I… I just don't want you to leave." The last confession comes out in a whisper as Ed drops eye contact. Ling's hand slips out from under Ed's shirt and he misses the contact immediately, but soon enough it comes to rest on the other side of his jaw. It occurs to Ed distantly that he's never let anyone hold his face like this before.

"Edward Elric," Ling says, "I'm not going to forget about you just because I'll be a desert away."

"I—I never said that! "

"Ah-ah," Ling tuts. "My turn." He readjusts his hands on the sides of Ed's face slightly and lets out a small breath. "I love you." Ed's heart stops in his chest and he forgets how to breathe. "And I know that today's been a lot, but I mean it. I love you. And so I'm going to go home to Xing and become emperor and we will figure the rest out from there." He punctuates his statement with a swift kiss to Ed's mouth and he remembers how to function again.

"Ling," he starts, hesitating as an ache starts to fill his chest. Maybe ache isn't the right word. It's hollow, but not gnawing. Maybe it's relief. "I—I don't know—it's—"

"That's okay," Ling reassures, betrayal showing in his eyes. And Ed panics, grabbing the back of Ling's head and pulling him into another kiss.

"Me too," Ed states before he can think through if he actually wants to, but hopes Ling will understand. "I just don't know how—" to take comfort in that right now, "I'll miss you." Part of him wishes he could bring himself to actually say the words that he thinks he means too. But a part of him thinks that it might be better this way.

Ling breathes a sigh of relief and replies, "I'll miss you too" with a smile. As Ling moves back in for another kiss, his hands travel from Ed's cheeks back down to under his shirt. Part of him still believing this might be his only chance to do so, Ed snakes a hand through the hole in the front of Ling's shirt, fingers brushing over the lines of muscle and the soft skin there. Ling gasps slightly, his hands tightening around Ed's hips and pulling him closer. Ed's lightheaded in a way that's reminiscent of their first kiss as all the blood leaves his head. And that's before Ling's lips leave his mouth in favor of working across his jaw and his fingers start to slip under the waist of Ed's pants.

"Ling," Ed chides slightly as his ear is nipped.

"I love you," Ling repeats as Ed just hums in response. Today has been… a lot, is what his brain settles on. "A lot" is vague and doesn't exactly do justice to just exactly how much has happened in the last twelve hours. But instead of trying to think about it all, he inhales Ling, smoke, sweat, gunpowder and all. Because he has no idea when he'll get to do this again.

Eventually, Ling pulls back, cupping Ed's cheek one last time for a slow, gentle kiss. And something inside Ed breaks a little. Around all the anxiety and euphoria mushing up his organs, something splinters, and breaks, and cuts.

"We need to go back," Ed mutters as they finally break apart and he readjusts his belt.

"I know," Ling says, nodding. Biting his lip, he continues, "But we'll figure this out. We can make this work." Ed isn't sure who he's trying to convince more.

"Yeah," he mumbles. Turning away, he opens the door to step outside.

There, on the other side, is Major Armstrong, fist raised ready to knock. In shock, Ed stumbles backwards into Ling, who catches him quickly as his color drains completely from his face. Panicked, Ed realizes that they never stopped to fix Ling's hair, half of it loose from his ribbon and the other half conspicuously disheveled.

The major's eyes widened and he lets out a startled, "Oh!"

Trying to not spontaneously combust or cry or do something more embarrassing than either of those, Ed half-laughs, "Major Armstrong! What are you doing here?" Thankfully, Ling finally notices the state of his hair and rushes to fix it, blush forming over his cheeks.

"Oh, ah," the major coughs, "Edward Elric and Ling Yao!" He coughs again. "I just came looking for you two. Your, uh," another cough, "brother said the two of you wandered off a while ago."

"Oh, yeah, uh, thank you!" Ed says, glancing at Ling who is still desperately trying to fix his hair. "We were just heading back, we had just, uh—"

"We just got distracted," Ling adds helpfully with a diplomatic smile. Ed cringes a little at the wording.

"I… see," Major Armstrong replies suspiciously. Clapping his hands together, he regains his composure. "No matter! I have found you now and we should be on our way!"

"Yeah, right, right!" Ed says at the same time Ling responds, "Away we go!" And they share a final look of distress.

---

There's a loud knock on the door. Ed startles awake, neck stiff from where he fell asleep on the couch. Considering the sun has barely risen, it's way too early for the mail or one of Winry's customers. But nonetheless, Ed rubs his eyes in confusion and stumbles to answer it.

"Ah! Edward Elric!" Major Armstrong booms. "Just who I was here to see!"

"Major Armstrong?" Ed asks in disbelief. It's been nearly three months since he's last seen him when he helped check him and Al into that hospital in Central.

"I hope you're doing well," the major says, not moving from where he's standing.

"Uh, yeah," Ed replies, brain foggy. "Hey, Major, you do realize that it's like five in the morning, don't you?"

"I am well aware, Edward. I took the overnight train here to personally deliver this so that you would get it as soon as possible," he explains, holding out an envelope. Ed blinks at it for a moment before gently taking it out of his hand. His heart stops for a moment, recognizing Xingese on the outside. Wide eyed, he meets Armstrong's gaze. "I'm aware of your… special relationship with Emperor Yao so I thought it would be best to give it to you myself."

"I, uh, thanks, Major," he stumbles out, ignoring his comment about… whatever he and Ling were. "That was… really thoughtful of you." Ed's knees feel weak like they're about to let him tumble backwards onto the floor as he stares at the letter in his hands… from Ling. Who's something close to a thousand miles away. In Xing. Where he is now officially the emperor. And who he hasn't heard from in three months.

While Ed is trying to process all of that, Major Armstrong turns slightly, looking out at the rolling hills surrounding them. "Edward," he starts unexpectedly, Ed's head snapping up towards him. "Do you mind stepping outside so I can speak with you?"

Confused and a little in shock still, he agrees, stepping barefoot onto the porch and closing the door behind him.

"If you would like, I would be happy to escort you across the desert to Xing."

"What?" Ed asks stupidly.

"I'm not sure if you're planning it any time soon," Major Armstrong continues, "but I would like to see to it that you arrive there safely."

"I—Major," Ed stutters. "That's very generous of you, but I don't know if that will be necessary."

"Nonsense! You are very important to Emperor Yao and so I would like to see to it that—"

"Major, I don't need any special treatment just because—"

"—get there in one piece. I am certain Emperor Yao would—"

"I think we can just call him Ling."

"—prefer that I make sure you are well taken care of on the journey."

Ed stares up at Major Armstrong for a moment. "Major, I haven't even opened the letter yet. It feels a little presumptuous to be planning a trip already." At that Major Armstrong raises his eyebrows.

"I don't feel like it's presumptuous at all," he insists, "given the relationship between the—"

"What relationship, Major?" Ed asks bitterly. He'd been trying to swallow this for the last three months. Al had been getting weekly—sometimes twice weekly—letters from Mei and it had taken three monthsfor him to hear from Ling. He already knew that they made it across the desert just fine and what Lan Fan figured out worked best for traveling with automail. He already knew that Mei had been moved into the palace as a royal advisor and that Fu had been given a wonderful burial and all the other major changes that had happened for them in the last three months. But he had gotten that from Mei via Al, who had gotten dozens of letters in the time it had taken Ed to get one. One, singular letter.

Major Armstrong blinks. "I was under the impression that the two of you are romantically involved," he answers and Ed wants to groan.

"Well, that's more of a question than a statement, isn't it, Major?" Ed replies, back sliding down the side of the house and staring at the letter in his hands. Armstrong readjusts his stance uncomfortably and Ed lets out a sigh. "I'm sorry. Thank you for the offer. I will take you up on it if I…" He trails off and thankfully Armstrong understands where the rest of the statement was going.

"I understand," he replies. Rolling his shoulders back and turning slightly, Armstrong continues, "Well, I should be off. I will return sometime this afternoon to catch up with your brother as well. I just wanted to make sure you received your letter."

"Yeah, thanks," Ed says as the tall man makes his way down the steps. He makes it about five feet away before pausing to look over his shoulder at Ed one last time.

"And Edward, if you ever need to talk to someone about… relationships with other men, I'd be happy to offer my own personal experience with it."

---

July 14th, 1915 Dearest Ed, I know it's been quite some time since we last saw each other, but I haven't stopped thinking about you since. Not even for a day. Mei has been sending letters so I hope you've been kept up-to-date with those. Although, I know it's not the same as writing to you myself and I am sorry for that. I wish I had time to write sooner and more often, but since the abdication of my father and his failing health, I have been trying to restructure our current government and line of succession to be more inclusive of all fifty clans. Not just the ones with the greatest power. Making sure I'm doing this right is consuming up so much of my time. I miss you, Ed. I miss you so dearly. While I'm sure you don't care for all the political minutiae and nonsense that is my life now, I hope that you would consider coming to stay with me for a few months. Or that you already have. I assume you're coming. Mei said that Alphonse is planning a trip in two weeks. She didn't mention you at all, but you know how deeply she cares for Alphonse. My assumption is that she's so excited about seeing him that she forgot to mention you. At least, I hope you are. I hope you're coming. It's been so long since we've seen each other and I'd love to see you again. If you are coming, let me know. I can send someone to make sure you get across alright with your automail. I want to make sure the journey is as easy as possible so that you can do it more often. It would be nice to have you here with me. There's so much I want to tell you about, but I don't want to make this too difficult for my translator. Come see me. I want to tell you everything. I miss you. Emperor Ling Yao

Ed stared down at the papers in front of him. One full page, front and back. One version in the original Xingese. One version in Amestrian. He would have to ask some time if Ling knew how to write and read Amestrian. When he agreed to write to Ling, he hadn't considered a possible language barrier, given that Ling spoke and understood Amestrian just fine. Ed ran his fingers over the pages and a hole inside him that he hadn't noticed before began to fill a little.

---

Two weeks later, Ed and Al are being escorted through the doors of the Xingese palace with Major Armstrong just steps behind them. They're guided by several… servants? who have a limited grasp on Amestrian and are just trying their best. Al had been trying to hold a conversation with them in broken Xingese, but seemingly gave up when it didn't lead anywhere. So for the last few minutes, the six of them have walked up several flights of stairs in relative silence.

The servants lead them halfway down a hallway, before pausing, saying something quickly, and turning to face them.

"Come," one says, locking eyes with Ed as Al and Major Armstrong are led in other directions. Her bangs are cut straight across her forehead right above a pair of warm brown eyes and seemingly ceaseless smile. Ed half-heartedly smiles back and follows behind. The servant leads him down a short side hallway that's strangely dark. It occurs to him that he should probably be trying to figure out the layout of this place in case he gets lost. But she looks over her shoulder and smiles at him lightly before pushing the doors open and something twists in Ed's guts. Behind them is a spacious room with a canopied bed and gold accents and a loveseat in one corner and a shelf full of scrolls near a south-facing window that sun just pours through and the golden decor glimmers and the floor echoes under his feet and the high ceiling, Ed's breath catching a little in his throat as his head spins.

"Your room," the servant adds helpfully, yanking Ed back into focus. "For sleep."

"Thank you," he says as she turns to leave, trying to give her a smile and realizing he doesn't know what to call her.

"Hey," he says and she looks back at him. "What's your name?"

She blinks at him with a question in her eyes. Ed sighs a little. He really needs to learn Xingese. According to Mei, Amestrian is incredibly difficult to learn, given that the language borrowed grammar rules from too many different places. But Xingese is much more straightforward… allegedly.

"My name's Edward Elric," he says, over pronouncing each word and pointing at himself. Hoping it isn't considered rude, he points at her. "Your name?"

Realization washes over her face and she smiles. "Jai Ai Na," she answers.

"Jai Ai Na," Ed repeats and she smiles more and something flutters in his stomach.

"Yes," she says and turns to go again. Before she makes it out the door, she whips around and stares at him like she forgot something. "Eat soon," she says and points to herself. "Return."

"Dinner's soon so you'll come back for me?" Ed asks and she hesitates. Pointing between the two of them, he tries again, "You return for me?"

"Yes," she says as her face lights up. In the late day sun, he swears he can see flecks of gold in her brown eyes as dimples push into her cheeks.

"Okay," he replies, smiling back. Something pleasant swirls around his guts and for a moment he forgets that he's about to see Ling again for the first time in months.

Some time later, after he's finished unpacking and has taken more time to take in the immenseness of the space, there's a knock at his door. Before he can reach the door to open it, a voice calls, "Can I come in? It's Al."

Against his own volition, Ed's feet run the rest of the way to the door and he throws it open. "Hey, Al," he says.

"I could have opened the door myself," Al pokes. "You didn't need to run to get it for me."

"I didn't run."

"I heard your metal foot hitting the floor, brother. You definitely ran," Al smirks as he stops in the middle of the room. "Your room is twice as big as mine."

"Is it?" Ed questions, stomach churning.

"Yeah," he says, eyes scanning the room.

"Maybe they put me in the wrong one," Ed postulates, flopping backwards onto the bed. Turning towards his brother, he smirks, "Or they just gave you a smaller one so you can be closer to Mei's, didn't they?"

Al flushes slightly, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know," he says. "I haven't seen her yet since we got here."

"Uh huh," Ed says. "Sure."

"I'm serious, Ed!" Al argues. "I don't even know where her room is!"

"But you're going to soon, aren't you?"

Al doesn't warrant the comment with a response, instead throwing a pillow from the loveseat into Ed's face. Spluttering, he sits up and tosses it back, missing and grumbling about not messing up his face on their first day here. Al doesn't really acknowledge him, his gaze exploring the shimmering gold details of the walls. Eventually, Ed trails off, laying back down and rolling his head over to look up through the canopy of his bed. Sunlight streams through it strangely. When he first entered, he didn't think it was transparent, but the filtering light begs otherwise. So he lets himself get a little lost thinking about what it might be made of. Silk? Definitely not any sort of animal fur. At least none of the animals he can think of. Thin cotton maybe? Does cotton grow in Xing? He'll have to ask about that. Silk might be the answer, though. He feels like he's—

"Can you read Xingese at all?" Al asks. At some point, he had gotten up to explore the shelf full of scrolls, one open in his hands.

"Nah," Ed answers, sitting up. "I could figure it out probably if I had a reference for what their alphabet was." Al hums a little in response, rolling the scroll back up.

"I was hoping to learn more about Alkahestry while here," he comments blithely, his back to Ed. "But it looks like I'm going to be learning Xingese instead."

Ed laughs a little. "Oh, yeah? Who says you can't do both?"

"My memory and attention span," Al returns and Ed chuckles more.

"Oh, please," he retorts. "I know you can easily do both. You've reiterated all the details of a book to me after just reading it once."

Al rolls his eyes. "No, I always reread the most important parts multiple times." He looks over and meets Ed's gaze. "And now I actually get to sleep at night, so I don't exactly have time to read everything twice and —"

"Hey, hey. I get it," Ed interrupts. "I didn't realize the amount of effort you were putting into things."

Al sighs. "I know. I never told you about everything I used to do at night so I shouldn't be upset with you for not knowing that." He pauses for a second. "I think I'm irritable because I'm hungry. I forgot that happened."

Ed laughs. "Well, the good news is that Jai Ai Na said that dinner was soon!"

Al blinks. "Who's Jai Ai Na?"

"She was the one who brought me to my room," he replies simply.

"Oh?" Al asks, raising an eyebrow. Ed gives him a look.

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to be sneaking into her room, brother?" Al snickers with a smirk.

"N-no! Shut up, Al!" he stammers as his brother laughs. "That's not funny!"

"Your face is!"

"Hey! That's not—" Ed cuts himself as he catches sight of Jai Ai Na standing wide-eyed in the doorway. Al follows his gaze and blinks before saying something in Xingese. Jai Ai Na looks surprised for a moment before repeating the greeting and Al seemingly introduces himself. Her gaze bounces back and forth between the two brothers before she smiles in understanding.

"Come. Eat," she states, motioning for them to follow her.

"Was that Jai Ai Na?" Al whispers as they're sat at a table on the floor.

"Yeah," Ed answers honestly, rolling his eyes as his brother elbows him.

"She's cute."

"Tell her that yourself."

"I don't think she wants to hear it from me," Al retorts. "Plus, I don't know that much Xingese."

The doors fly open as footsteps echo off the walls. "Alphonse!" Mei yells as she nearly tackles him in a hug. She's gotten taller in the last few months since they've seen her. Her braids are all pulled up on the sides of her head and tears are forming at the corners of her eyes.

"Mei!" he says back excitedly. Something within Ed aches as the two hold each other's arms and babble enthusiastically about the trip and how good it is to see one another. The ache swallows his appetite and the mild anxiety that was drumming in his chest. Neither return as Major Armstrong sits down next to him, boisterous and enthusiastic. And part of Ed wonders if he'll learn how to stop hurting like this, stop festering.

The next time the doors open, Mei loudly shushes Alphonse and Major Armstrong. Ed sits up straighter about to ask her why, when he sees him. Ling. His heart hammers in his chest as the ache dissipates and uneasiness settles in and he almost feels nauseous and doesn't know what to do with his hands anymore. Ling's hair is tied up on top of his head, his bangs no longer falling in his face. He's dressed in layers of purples and reds and white. The room went quiet when he entered. He is startlingly an adult and important now, and Ed's suddenly not sure how he was expecting this to go.

Ling sits across the table from Ed and grins. "It's so good to see you all. How was your journey?" There's a glint in his eyes as they meet Ed's.

"It was great," Al responds. "Thank you for all the advice you sent in your letters, Mei. It helped a lot when we were preparing…" He wanders off into several tangents about their journey, Major Armstrong adding in happily when it seems appropriate. And Ed is quiet. He's not sure what will come spilling out of his mouth, given everything swirling in his chest and his proximity to Ling.

As Al finishes his story about how they were almost turned away at the border, Ling sips his drink and makes direct eye contact with Ed. "How was traveling with your automail?"

Ed swallows hard, throat suddenly dry. "I—uh, it was fine." Why is he nervous? "The, uh," he coughs, "the advice from Lan Fan was really helpful, but I, uh, stained all my lighter pants with machine grease, so uh…" His heart pounds as he realizes that everyone is staring at him. He thought they were supposed to be eating? Where's the food? Why have they only been given drinks? If they had food no one would be staring at him—

"I'm glad to hear that," Ling croons. "Didn't want your automail to malfunction again. "

"'Again?'" Mei asks curiously from around her glass.

"His automail froze once and I had to carry him… what?" Ling starts and Ed feels his face warm.

"Please, don't tell this story," he interrupts.

"Almost two miles—"

"This is entirely unnecessary."

"—on my back—"

"I wish I hadn't come," Ed grumbles.

"—in about a foot of snow," Ling continues. "On top of that, we hadn't eaten in about three days."

"That's because you ate all our rations, asshole!" Ed interjects.

"Well, you shouldn't have let me eat them!" Ling quips, smile comfortable on his face.

"When did this happen?" Armstrong asks, looking more than a little concerned as Mei and Al snicker about it.

"A little bit after I left Briggs," Ed estimates, not really remembering how much time passed between him being impaled and finding Greedling.

"How come you haven't mentioned that when we talk about what happened when we were separated?" Al asks casually, obviously biting back a laugh.

"Mother of shit," Ed mutters under his breath. At normal volume, he answers, "Because it wasn't important!"

"Was to me, you're really heavy," Ling contends.

"I had two metal limbs, you jackass!"

"I know," Ling says, "because one of them was frozen and stuck straight out in front of us when I carried you."

Putting his head in his hands as everyone laughs, Ed grumbles, "I fucking hate you," without feeling. When he looks up, Ling's smirking at him but there's something warm in his eyes.

"Well," Ling transitions, clapping his hands together slightly. "I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starving."

"Why can't I pick that one?" Al asks innocently.

"Because there's a bamboo tile on top of it," Mei answers.

"Well, why can't I just move the bamboo here—"

"That's not how mahjong works, Alphonse!"

Ed rolls his eyes a little. She's taught him how to play twice now. He gets the feeling that Al's playing dumb so she'll touch his hands more. It makes him want to vomit. But only a little because dinner was good and it would be a shame to waste food. He's draped himself over a loveseat, listening to the two of them bicker. Maybe he should have gone off with Major Armstrong to look at the art around the palace. But he's never been big on art and honestly, he doesn't want the Major to try to have another heart-to-heart with him about… whatever. It's not like he and Ling are actually dating or anything. They've just made out a lot and Ed traveled over a thousand miles to visit him. No big deal. Normal friend stuff.

Ed blinks. Maybe he hasn't had a lot of normal friends in his life. Or he's the weird one? He considered his friendship with Winry pretty normal. Well, until he realized that she was incredibly pretty when she was focused and he liked watching the muscles in her arms work and her lips looked soft and—

Yeah, he's definitely part of the problem. A stupid, illogical, nagging part of him realizes that maybe, possibly he could benefit from talking to Major Armstrong. That maybe talking to someone with a little more experience with shit like this, might be helpful. Maybe. It's not like there are just books out there to help him figure out why he keeps falling for his closest friends and then correct that so he can finally be normal. Ed sighs and runs a hand over his face. Maybe coming here was a mistake because it's making everything feel all the more complicated. It's not even like Ling can spend any real time with them. He's off being the emperor and—

The door pushes open with a small creak and Ed doesn't bother to look over. As he prepares a question for the Major about how the art was, a voice asks, "Mind if I join?" Ed's head snaps over towards the door and he sits up.

"Hey, Ling," Al greets pleasantly. "Mei said this was only a two person game, but you're welcome to watch with Ed."

Ling knits his eyebrows together as he closes the door behind him. "But mahjong is a four person game?"

" Ling, " Mei scolds, flushing. The rest of her reprimand continues in Xingese. As it goes on, Ling goes from confused to entertained to laughing. Ed exchanges a look with Al who shrugs.

"I still don't know Xingese," he explains, watching the exchange between the half siblings.

"Yeah," Ed agrees, "me neither."

"Alphonse, you'll back me up on this, right?" Mei demands, turning towards him suddenly. He blinks.

"Back you up on what?"

"That mahjong is more fun to play with only half the players," Ling answers, still chuckling. Ed's trying not to stare at him. His hair is still tucked up into a bun, but his bangs are loose now and brushing over his eyes. He seems to have taken off several layers of clothes and seems a lot less important and more comfortable now.

"Considering I still don't know how to play," Al answers, eyes bouncing between the two, "yes."

"Ha!" Mei shouts and Ling rolls his eyes.

"Whatever," he says with a smile. "I've always liked Ed better, anyway." It comes out like a joke, but Ed understands the underlying truth in it and it makes his stomach churn. That feeling isn't helped by Ling flopping on the loveseat next to him, resting his arm over the back and almost wrapping it around Ed's shoulders. He wants him to. He wishes that Ling would put his arm around his shoulders and pull him into his side and tangle their legs together so they can stay like that all night talking. But that's not something they do in front of siblings… and Ed wishes he was more okay with that.

Instead of feeling his emotions, he snarkily asks, "What do we owe the pleasure to, oh liege?"

Ling rolls his eyes. "Technically, it's 'your majesty,'" he starts with a smirk, "but of course a peasant like you wouldn't know that." Looking over and meeting Ed's gaze, he continues, "But I have the rest of the night off and I wanted to see you."

"Oh, that's… cool," Ed says. "Super cool." His brain racks for something to say and make him feel less awkward about his encounter. "Hey, how do you say that in Xingese?"

"Say what in Xingese?" Ling asks with genuine curiosity.

"'Your majesty' or whatever you said," Ed answers. Ling blinks. "That's your actual title, isn't it?"

A blush and a small smile bloom across Ling's face. "My title is huángdì, so I'm Yao Huángdì in Xingese. But you would address me as bìxià. "

"'Bihia?'" Ed repeats.

"Bìxià, but you were close," Ling corrects with a grin.

"Bìxià," he recites again. "But I'd call you Yao Huangde?"

"Huángdì," Ling says again. "And you can just call me Ling."

"Which means 'dawn,' right?" Ed asks and Ling's blush deepens. Before he can get a chance to respond, Alphonse cuts in.

"Hey, how do you ask for someone's name in Xingese?"

"You say ' nǐ jiào shénme mínɡzi, '" Mei answers quickly. "Why are you asking?"

"Oh, I want to know the name of the person who leads me around the palace," Al explains. "And you said it's 'nǐ hao shénme mínɡzi,' right?"

"Nǐ jiào, " Mei corrects as Ling adds, "His name is Wang Zan Yin."

Ed and Al both look at him and he looks confused. "What? I assigned the guides myself."

"It's nothing," Al says with a smile. Seemingly not being able to help himself, he teases, "So you gave Brother the cute one on purpose?"

"Alphonse," Ed chides as Ling straightens and brings his arm to his side. Ed can feel all the muscles in his back tense up and his heart rate picks up. He had partially been hoping to enjoy this experience.

"Well, I wouldn't say that," Ling says politely, not letting his smile falter. He turns to Ed, something very different in his eyes than what his face conveys. "You think Ai Na is cute?" He says it like he's teasing, but it's jealousy. It's in his eyes and laying under his tone.

Folding his arms, Ed scoffs and rolls his eyes, "Of course not. I asked for her name because she's a person and I want to call her by her name. But Alphonse," he says, making eye contact with his brother and leaning forward, "thinks that means I'm interested in her."

"I saw the way you smiled at her, Brother," Al badgers, smirking. He's not helping. Things were weird enough with Ling and this is not helping. Not that Al even knows. Ed never took the time to tell him and he is certainly suffering for it.

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to smile at people?" Ed asks. "Damn, you are such a fifteen-year-old if you think that's how people flirt."

"Yeah," Mei inserts, eyes bouncing between Ling and Ed. Out of the corner of his eye, Ed can see Ling just watching him and comes to the realization that Mei knows about them. "Alphonse, I really think your brother was just being polite."

Al looks at her strangely. "I—well—yeah, of course he was. I was just joking." He blinks a few times. " I didn't think she was cute," he clarifies, holding Mei's gaze. Ed suppresses the urge to roll his eyes, still feeling Ling's eyes on him.

"I never said you did," Mei says.

"I—okay. You're just looking at me funny and I thought—" Ling's hand squeezes Ed's knee and he promptly stops listening. Their eyes lock and Ling motions towards the door with his head. Not sure where they're going, Ed nods.

"Ed and I are going to give you two some space," Ling interrupts, standing up.

"I—what? Where are you going?" Mei objects as Al's face turns pink.

"Just for a walk," Ling says, already halfway out the door as Ed finally gets up.

"W-we can come too," Al tries, starting to stand.

"Nope! Just the two of us," Ling insists from the doorway. "You two stay here and talk! Emperor's orders!"

"You can't use it that way and you know it!" Mei yells after him as Ed closes the door. Now in the hallway, Ling doesn't wait before starting in a direction that Ed is certain doesn't lead to his own room. Jogging slightly to catch up, Ed matches his pace.

"Sorry about that," he starts, not sure what else to say.

"It's fine," Ling says tersely. "Lan Fan has said that Jai Ai Na is attractive too. I don't see why you shouldn't think that too." Ed's heart clenches in a weird way.

"Ling," he begins, but is cut off.

"Don't start with me, Edward Elric," Ling snaps, turning to stare at him and stopping in the middle of the hallway. "Why didn't you write to me for three months? I'm sorry I was too busy to do it myself, but you had the address from Mei. Why didn't you write to me?" Ed opens his mouth to say something, but Ling continues. "You wouldn't even tell me you loved me the last time we saw each other. Then I didn't hear from you at all for three months, and now you show up and start flirting with the staff! What is this, Ed?"

"I wasn't flirting with Jai—"

"Then what were you doing, huh?"

"I told you! It felt weird not being able to address her with her own name. Was I supposed to go around calling her 'the servant girl' or some bullshit? You do realize how dehumanizing that is to her, right?" Ling clenches his jaw. "And I'm sorry I don't know how to…" Ed lets out a breath. "I didn't write to you because I didn't know what to say, okay? You were busy doing," he motions broadly to the hallway, "all this. And I was just in fucking Resembool with my still healing brother and no alchemy! What was I supposed to write to you about? 'Oh, Al vomited after eating a piece of bread again today, but it's okay!' 'Granny found our dad dead in the cemetery, so that's new!' I didn't not write to you because I didn't want to, I just never knew what to say!" Ling stares at him, startled. "But I came to see you, didn't I? I traveled across the desert with a metal leg to see you, Ling. Not Mei, not Lan Fan, not Jai Ai Na. I came to see you and… obviously, I… it means something. "

After a moment of staring at him, Ling sighs and runs a hand over his face. Turning away from Ed slightly, Ling says, "I'm sorry I raised my voice and accused you of… I don't know."

"Cheating? Not caring about you?" Ed suggests, arms folded across his chest.

Ling laughs lightly. "Yeah, those." He meets Ed's eyes. "I'm sorry. My life is just so much all the time and I miss you so much that I…" He sighs. "I am really stressed and I overreacted to that, okay? I'll admit that. Can we still go back to my room?"

Despite his better judgment, Ed nods. Because it's Ling.

---

"I fired Jai Ai Na," Ling says casually, five days later. Ed, who had been laying on his stomach on Ling's bed, pushes himself up quickly to look at him.

"What?"

Ling doesn't look over at him from the scroll he's reading, reclined across a loveseat. "Lan Fan overheard her talking to the other staff about you and how she was going to be an Amestrian housewife soon." Ed sits up fully, feet dangling over the edge of the bed.

"I—Ling, what the fuck?" he asks, standing up. Ling finally looks up at him.

"Don't worry, she's from a wealthy family. She was the cousin of one of my half-brothers, so it's not like this will be detrimental for her life."

"But you fired her over that?" Ed asks.

Ling moves so his feet touch the floor, rolling the scroll back up. "Yes," he reiterates. "What's your problem with that?"

"My problem is that I'm not one of your possessions, Ling," Ed answers. Ling stares. "Do you feel like someone is going to steal me from you? Because it seems to be what you were worried about when you fired her. And why you got so upset over me just knowing her name the other day."

Ling looks out the window with a slight scoff. "I wouldn't be so worried if you would just say you love me."

"Why do I have to say it, Ling?"

"Because it's important to me," Ling answers, suddenly standing in Ed's face. "Because I say it to you all the time and I just want to be reassured that it's reciprocated!"

Ed steps back slightly. "I—Ling… I'm just not comfortable—and why should I say it, if you won't even say we're dating?"

"Because we're not dating, Ed! We live thousands of miles away and you won't even write me letters."

"You didn't either!"

"And I said I'm sorry!"

"So did I! But you brought it back, you asshole!" Ed retorts as Ling turns away from him, shaking slightly.

"Get out," Ling says finally, voice steady and neutral.

"What?"

"Get out of my room," he repeats louder this time, turning around. "You don't have to go home. But this just isn't going to work for either of us. You've made that perfectly clear lately."

" Fine, " Edward spits and promptly sees himself out.

He barely makes it out the door before coming face-to-face with Huang Zhihao, the guide who's been accompanying Major Armstrong for the last few days. Zhihao mumbles an apology to him quickly, saying something about Ling and needing to do a quick chore. Ed still doesn't know enough Xingese to follow completely. Looks like he may never.

" It's okay, " he says to her in Xingese. " Can you… uh… my room? Please? " The request comes out half in Amestrian as he struggles to remember all the vocabulary.

" Oh, yes, " she responds. " One moment please, mister Elric. "

" It's okay, " Ed repeats in Xingese. Distantly, it occurs to him that if him and Ling were still… together that this would probably lead to another argument. Something akin to relief washes over him as he realizes that it no longer matters. What Ling thinks doesn't matter.

Because Ling wants nothing to do with him.

That realization hurts more than he thinks it should. Why does it feel like someone is splitting him down his center? Like a metal beam being shoved through him again. His breath hitches and he blinks hard, trying to keep the tears back. He is not going to cry over this dammit. Why should it even matter? They weren't even really dating. It was just a fling for a couple weeks before Ling went home and life… changed them. For some reason it hurts more when Ed realizes they were apart for much longer than they ever were together and that distance had only strained their relationship.

"Edward Elric!" Armstrong booms from down the hallway.

"Fuck," Ed cusses under his breath. He probably should have assumed he was nearby given that Zhihao was here.

"I was just looking for you to see if you…" The major trails off as he gets closer. "Has… has something happened?"

"No, I'm fine!" he snaps, wrapping his arms around himself tighter. "I'm fine, Major, I—it's nothing."

Major Armstrong sighs and lifts Ed onto his shoulder without warning. "Off we go," Armstrong declares as Edward squeaks yells, "Hey! Put me down! Major! Put me down right now, you bastard!"

"Nonsense!" the major states. "I'm going to show you my favorite food stand that I've found!"

True to his word, Armstrong carries Ed all the way into town, despite his protests. He only lets him down when people start to stare and Ed promises he's not going to run. After that, the Major carries on a one-sided conversation, orders food for the two of them, and settles under a nearby tree.

Handing Ed a steamed bun, he says, "Have a bāozī, Edward. They're my favorite and I think you will enjoy them too!"

"Thanks," Ed mumbles, accepting it. Dozens of people pass by them without so much as glancing at them now and Ed is a little surprised by how easy it is to blend in without even trying. And it's lonely. He's in Xing with bright blond hair and yellow eyes and no one so much as glances at him. Ling essentially did nothing but look at him when he was around and now—

"When I was fifteen," Armstrong starts unprompted, "there was a boy who I went to academy with. His name was Theodore Wexley and we were nearly inseparable from the time we met." Ed stares at him perplexed and takes a bite of the bun. "Then one day we snuck away from class to practice our alchemy together. He ended up confessing his feelings for me and I for him and he was my first romantic partner." The major smiles slightly, watching people pass them by and not looking at Edward. "We only lasted a few months before his father found out and sent him to a private school in Creta. Obviously, I was heartbroken and devastated. Even more so when I found out that his father had told mine about what had happened." Finally, he looks down and meets Ed's gaze. "But I was lucky. I was hurting and I needed my family and after the response from Theodore's, I was so worried about how my parents would react. But they have accepted and supported me no matter what, Edward."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ed asks around the food in his mouth.

"Because I can tell that you loved him," Armstrong answers and Ed nearly chokes. "And it's important that you don't feel alone in this." Something in Ed slips loose and a few tears come with it. It's stupid because he doesn't cry. He never cries. Why should he cry now?

Despite himself, Ed flinches as the Major places a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be fine," he insists, partially trying to convince himself of it.

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." As if hearing its name, the ache appears, swallowing Edward whole. It starts with his lip quivering as he insists again, that he will be fine, but Major Armstrong gives him a look and squeezes his shoulder gently and that thing that had been slipping inside Ed crumbles. And a few tears turns into hundreds. And Major Armstrong is quiet as he lets Ed cry on his shoulder.

---

From the living room, Ed can hear the phone be slammed back onto the receiver. Not long after, Winry comes storming in, flops on the couch, and tucks herself into her knees.

"Winry?" Ed asks, setting his book down and sitting up straighter.

"Not now, Ed!" she yells from behind her legs, visibly shaking. He glances in the direction of the phone as if it can give him answers.

"What happened? I thought you were calling Paninya today," he says, ignoring her protest. She glares up at him.

"Stay out of it, Ed!"

Knowing this isn't going anywhere, he sighs and pretends to start reading his book again. She'll come around, she always does. So he stays like that for a few minutes, the house quiet. Alphonse somewhere upstairs studying Xingese for his next trip to see Mei. Granny out to visit friends and run errands. And Ed pretending to read a book as Winry starts to cry.

Slowly, Ed sets his book aside and moves over next to her on the couch. "Hey… Winry," he mumbles, gently draping an arm across her shoulders. Wordlessly, she unfolds, turning to accept his hug and burying her face into his shoulder. Knowing that nothing he could say right now will help, he runs his fingers through her hair as she squeezes him, hiccuping slightly.

"Paninya broke up with me," she gets out finally.

" What? " Ed asks in disbelief. He was aware the two were close but he hadn't known it was that close.

"We haven't seen each other in months because I haven't been able to make it up to Rush Valley with how busy I've been here and," Winry hiccups, "she found someone else."

"Oh, Winry," Ed says, hugging her closer. "I'm sorry." She sniffles a little and doesn't say anything. Words pull themselves to the tip of his tongue and he decides to let them go.

"If it makes you feel any better I know what you're going through."

"Don't lie to make me feel better, Edward," she grumbles.

"I'm not!" he insists, hand still carding through her hair.

"You've never even dated anyone, Ed," she retorts, pulling back to look him in the eyes. Hers are red and puffy and her nose is running slightly. He wonders distantly if he had looked like that just two months ago.

"I had a thing with Ling! So I have dated someone," he replies crossly as her eyes widen.

" Ling?! As in Ling Yao?"

"Yes, Ling Yao! How many Lings do you think I know?"

"I don't know but… how? "

"What do you mean 'how?'" Ed asks, eyebrows furrowing.

"How did you end up dating the Emperor of Xing? " Winry clarifies. "There's probably how many people who would be dying to date him and you're the lucky one?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm just confused, Edward!"

"Don't be!" he fires back. "We started…" dating isn't the right word but he's at a loss for a better substitution, " dating before he became emperor, if that helps you at all. But we spent five months traveling together! Do you know how many times we saw each other naked?"

Winry grins maniacally at him. "You saw him naked?"

"Of course, I did!" he answers before he realizes the implication. "I-it wasn't like that, though!"

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?" Al asks from the doorway into the kitchen.

"Nothing, Al! It's not important!" Ed tries to deflect, but unfortunately, Winry shouts over him, "Did you know that Ed and Ling are dating?"

Al looks like he nearly chokes. "You're dating Ling?!"

" Dated! We broke up!" Ed corrects even though it's not entirely accurate, rubbing his temples slightly.

Al looks horrified. "That doesn't make it better! Why didn't you tell me, brother?"

"Yeah!" Winry adds. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Why didn't you tell us that you were dating Paninya, Winry?" Ed shoots back. "Or, Al, why haven't you just come out and said you're dating Mei?"

"That's because we are not dating," Al says back.

"Keep telling yourselves that," Ed responds. "But Winry! You still kept Paninya a secret!"

"I didn't tell you because I wasn't hiding it!" she insists. "I thought we were being obvious!"

"Wait, did something happen with Paninya?" Al asks suddenly and Winry swallows thickly.

"Yeah, Al, we broke up," she admits, voice suddenly straining.

"Oh, no, Winry!" Al says as he rushes from the door frame to hug both her and Ed. "How did both of you get broken up with and I not know about it?"

"Because you're fourteen, Al," Ed responds, rolling his eyes slightly but accepting the comfort from his brother.

"I'm fifteen, Ed, and that doesn't mean that I can't know about these things!"

"Oh, will you both shut up!" Winry yells suddenly. "I just got broken up with! Ed apparently got broken up with! And I just want to feel sad about it without you two bickering!"

"Sorry, Winry."

---

"I love you," Ed whispers one night, pressing a gentle kiss into Winry's knuckles. He isn't sure how long this has been going on for, but he likes it. He thinks it's been about a year since he started truly falling for her, eight months since he confessed his feelings, and maybe five or six that they've been together. But he likes it. He likes her.

"Edward," she half-heartedly chides in the dark, but he can hear her smiling.

"I think I've loved you my whole life," he admits, warm, mushy euphoria swimming where his organs should be. Somewhere in front of him, she reaches out and pets his hair, fingers weaving through his long locks and tucking them behind his ears.

"What's gotten into you tonight?" she asks. "You normally aren't this up front with your feelings."

Everything just clicked into place and it makes so much sense with you? he thinks. You've been with me through everything and have loved me the whole way? Because you've been here the whole time, I can feel certain you're not going to leave me and I feel safe with you? It just hit me that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I'm trying to make you understand why? He feels those words, but they're not ones he wants to say. He feels them, but he doesn't want to overwhelm her. Because it's late and this is new to them both and she has yet to say "I love you" back. But Ed can wait.

Instead, he places another smiling kiss into the palm of her hand and answers, "I don't know, Winry. Maybe it's just something about you." He can almost hear her roll her eyes in the dark.

"Go to sleep, Edward," she yawns and rolls over, taking her hands back. Ed lets her get comfortable before wrapping an arm around her from behind. Winry cuddles in against his chest and sighs contentedly as he nuzzles his face into the back of her neck. It's quiet for a while. Her fingers running over his knuckles. His face in her hair. And finally, Winry speaks for one last time that night, "Just so you know, I love you too, Edward."

---

Edward is only twenty when his son Henry is born. He's twenty-one when his daughter Cecelia follows the year after. His and Winry's whirlwind romance landed them married at eighteen and Ed is fairly certain he's never been happier. He loves his children and his wife and he tells them so. Everything is so different from when he was sixteen. Al and Mei are constantly traveling between Xing and Amestris, making their relationship work. And Ed is always there to help with their bags when they get back.

"It's for you," Mei says hushedly and hands him a letter, one night when Cecelia is about a year old. It's dark out, the kids long since having been put to bed. Normally, Mei prefers to arrive before dinner gets cold, but not tonight. He stares at her for a moment, not recognizing the characters on the front of the envelope. Not meeting his eyes, she adds, "It's from Ling."

"Oh," he states, looking back down at it. His stomach churns a little. He hasn't heard from them since Ling declined to attend their wedding, sending a gift in lieu. Funny how just a simple piece of paper can carry so much with it.

"He—he wanted to make sure you got it," she explains and then bites her lip. "Really, he wanted to make sure you read it, which is why he had me deliver it. But! I totally get if you don't want to and I'm willing to lie on your behalf—"

"It's okay Mei," Ed interrupts. "There's no reason to lie for me. I'll read it."

"Okay," she replies, visibly relieved. He gives her a smile.

"You should go find Alphonse," he says. "He could barely sleep last night. He was so excited to see you." Mei's eyes light up and she promptly scampers off to find her boyfriend, leaving Ed alone as he sits at the kitchen table.

He stares at the letter for a moment longer before finally deciding to slowly peel it open. There are only two papers inside, both in Amestrian.

April 24th, 1921 Edward, I know you probably expected to never hear from me again, but I wanted to apologize. The way I ended things when we were sixteen was unacceptable. I regret most of what I remember saying to you and how I treated you in those final days. You didn't deserve that. Really, I don't think I deserved you. I was just a scared sixteen-year-old with way too much on his plate and I took it out on you. I'm sorry for that. I felt entitled to things from you that I never should have. I hurt you and I regret that more than anything else in my life. I miss you, Ed. You were my best friend for a while, but for some reason I couldn't see that at sixteen. I could barely see it at eighteen. But I see it now. You didn't deserve anything that I put you through. You had gone out of your way to keep me safe during my time in Amestris, even though it rarely benefitted you. And I was awful in return. I'm sorry I treated you that way. I know we ended poorly, but I honestly and truly hope to right those. Edward, I'm not sure I ever told you what a positive force you were on my life, but you were. It took my father dying to realize how worse off I've been without you. I've almost completely rebuilt the Xingese government, but what do I truly have to show for it? My behavior towards people I called friends, or in your case a lover, was appalling. I'm nearly twenty-two and am nowhere close to getting married, let alone starting a family. And now in retrospect, I realize that losing you should have been a wake up call. You were one of the best things in my life and I think you should know that. Mei tells me you have children now. She speaks fondly of them so often that I feel like I practically know them. Edward, you sound like you're a wonderful father and individual from Mei's stories. And I believe them. From my memories of the sixteen-year-old I knew, I can believe them wholeheartedly. If you would let me, I want to reintroduce myself and get to know you again. I just hope you want to know me again too. I have grown so much from the sixteen-year-old that was in over his head and was desperate to feel adequate to someone and feel loved by somebody. It was too much to ask of you and I am sorry. You've always been important to me, Edward Elric, and I can see that now. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out. Emperor Ling Yao

Ed sighs and sets the letter down on the table in front of him, putting his head in his hands. Quiet footsteps approach from somewhere behind him.

"Edward?" Winry asks. "Why haven't you come to bed?"

"I was helping Mei get settled in," he answers, looking up at her with a smile. "She brought a letter from Ling with her."

Winry's eyebrows jump up to her hairline. "Oh," she mumbles and bites her lip. "What did he have to say?"

"He apologized… and says he wants me back in his life."

"As a friend or…?"

"As a friend," Ed clarifies and Winry looks partially relieved.

"Okay," she says, nodding and sitting down next to him at the table. "Do you mind if I take a look?"

"Not at all," he replies and waits quietly for her to finish with his head resting in his hands.

Flipping the pages over a few times, Winry finally comments, "I've wondered how he's been the last few years. I never got Mei to say more than a few words about him, but this… He seems genuine, Ed."

"I thought he sounded genuine too," he agrees.

Winry hesitates for a moment. "Do you… think you want to be friends with him again?"

Smiling at her smally, Ed leans over and plants a chaste kiss on her mouth. "I don't know. You know how much I loved him when I was sixteen and how much it hurt when we split. And while I think I'm ready to forgive him, I don't know about being friends."

"Well, it would mean we could go to a lot of lavish parties over in Xing," Winry jokes.

Ed laughs. "I don't think that's really either of our speeds, Win."

"I know," she admits, placing a kiss on his forehead and taking his hand. "But I'll go along with whatever you decide."

Looking down at their interlocked fingers, he mutters, "I know" and leaves it at that.

"You've missed him sometimes," Winry states.

Ed nods. "Yeah, I have, but things are so much different now."

"No one ever said it was going to go back to being the same."

He squeezes her hand. "I know. I… I think I'll have to sleep on it."

---

I left the ending vague on purpose. I think that Ed would eventually take Ling up on reconnecting, but they wouldn't be nearly as close as before. but it's just as likely that they don't. But who's to say

thanks for reading! let me know what you think :)