Chapter 9

Amanda held Kim over her lap, "No mama! Don't!" Kim tried to cover her butt with her hands. Noah walked over with a waddle, fell and crawled the rest of the way and tried to help her, then she giggled. Zara held Olivia's and Lucy's hand, they didn't even try to help her. Amanda popped her "10, that's one to grow on." Kim was out of breath from laughing so hard and hugged Amanda.

Noah clung to her leg. "We are only playing Noah. Happy birthday 9th Kim. We love you." It was August 24th. They took a week off and spent it at a hotel right outside American Dream Mall in New Jersey. Zara Amaro had become Kim's best friend. Nick and his wife split up and he moved into their building. She was overseas, so with the work schedule he and Olivia had, Amanda and Lucy helped him.

They had done so much during the week. The American Dream mall had rides, a water park, skiing, an aquarium, and so much more. They did it all and were heading home tomorrow for her big party with her other friends. The girls saw it on a commercial and Amanda and Olivia were looking for something special for Kim's first birthday with them. Today was a shopping day though.

They walked through the mall but only for certain stores today. It took them the entire time. They both got a bear from Build A Bear, candy from It Sugar, a pair of shoes, and an outfit from Zara. Kim had to have it from there because it was her best friend's name. "Zara, we can be twins on the first day." She turned to Olivia, "Mommy, can you make sure we have the same teacher?" Olivia smiled, and thought that was a bad idea.

They ate lunch, then played some AngryBirds mini golf. After dinner, they hit the American Dream Wheel ride. Olivia carried Kim, Amanda had Zara, and Lucy held Noah. It was late, they were all sleeping and wiped out from the day. Lucy smiled, "You sure aren't going to be able to top this birthday.

The next day was just as much fun. She had a pool party with her friends. She smiled standing in front of her huge cake. "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Kim. Happy birthday to you."

Kim was opening gifts when Nick and Fin pulled her to the side, "Liv, we need a minute." They were holding a file. "Really during our kid's birthday." She laughed, but they didn't. She sighed, "What's wrong?" When they caught Johnny Drake, Olivia realized he had probably a number of girls. At the time they were looking for anything to get him, especially with the trial. His DNA was added once they caught him. Cragen gave a direct order to run it across unsolved rapes. It was a shot in the dark. Fin passed her the file, "Oh my God! No!"

Olivia couldn't believe it. It was Amanda, she was 19 and coming out of her part time coffee shop job late at night. She was attacked and pulled into an alley. The rapist pushed her face against the brick and then threatened to snap her neck. He then raped her vaginally and sodomized her. They had talked about a lot but Amanda never mentioned this. "She had a concussion after, but it says she didn't see her attacker."

Olivia looked at the photos of her face and body. She looked so scared. "Liv, did you know she was raped?" Olivia shook her head no. "Are you going to tell her?" Olivia shrugged because she didn't know what she was going to do. She did tell them not to tip her off.

They all went back to the party and tried to act normal. That wasn't easy for Olivia, she just had the shock of her life. She was overcome with emotion. She was sad for Amanda because she would never want her hurt, but she was also pissed. She told Amanda everything, all the good and the bad. She knew she had been attacked in that jail long ago, she knew about her sexual past, and even William Lewis. She couldn't understand why Amanda didn't tell her this.

Amanda touched her shoulder, "Liv, are you ok?" Olivia looked at her and nodded. Then she walked over to kiss Kim. She was pretty quiet the rest of the day and stayed away from Amanda.

After the party, Amanda checked on Noah who was out like a light. He loved the pool and trying to keep up with the big kids was tiring. Kim was asleep as well. "Night Luce!" Lucy said goodnight and headed to her room. She lived with them now. It gave her a chance to finish school and save money.

She saw Olivia in bed and she fell beside her, "Liv, I'm wiped!" Olivia agreed. Amanda had been thinking about her and Olivia's relationship. Olivia had been thinking about the file. She didn't know if she should say anything or shred it. "Liv, do you want to have kids?"

Olivia looked at her, "You don't think two is enough?" Olivia thought this was impossible, she couldn't even focus on a conversation.

Amanda shrugged, "I wanted kids someday, but when my mom died and we started officially adopting them I figured I didn't need my own, but we never talked about it. We kind of just fell into this."

Olivia looked at her and was silent at first then she explained. She wanted kids, but she had lots of personal issues that held her back. "The job always came first. My parents aren't exactly what I would like to pass on to a child." Amanda definitely felt the same way about that.

Olivia realized in that moment she couldn't lie and if they were going to have any future, the rape had to come out. Before she could say anything Amanda blurted out, "Liv, will you marry me?" Olivia froze and stared at her. Amanda swallowed hard waiting for a response.

Olivia did want to marry her and it didn't matter what she heard today, she did want to, she loved Amanda. "Amanda, I don't…"

Amanda jumped up, "You don't want to, so I'm just a good pity fuck?" Olivia shook her head at her explosion.

Olivia's work phone went off as Amanda stood in front of her, "Benson!" Amanda stormed off and slammed the bathroom door. Olivia took the call and threw on some clothes.

Olivia went to the door, "Amanda, it's an emergency and can't just be passed off to Fin. Will you please open the door?" Amanda opened it and was crying. All of Olivia's anger left, "That's not what I was going to say. I will marry you. I will marry you right now, but we need to talk about something first. Ok?" Amanda cried and shook her head.

Olivia headed to the hospital. "Liv, the vic is pretty shaken up." They talked to her and she sent Fin and Nick out to find the boyfriend that was the suspect. "Liv, you ok?" Olivia told him what happened right when he called and what she had to do. "I'm fine, I'm going to get her settled and head back home. Fin promised they had it under control.

Olivia headed home to do the hardest thing she ever had to do. It was 2 AM, before she went into the bedroom she checked on the kids. They were both asleep and Noah was dry. She took a deep breath and opened the door. All the lights were on and the room was empty. She looked in the bathroom, still no one. "Amanda?" She didn't see it right away, but then she looked at the bed, "Fuck!"

The file she threw in her nightstand was open on the bed. The photos of her injured body were scattered amongst the papers. She immediately woke Lucy up. "Hey Liv, Amanda left for work and said you did too. I checked on the kids and changed Noah already, they're good. Amanda seemed upset, but I was half asleep."

Olivia remained calm, "Yeah, I have to go back though ok. Watch them if we aren't back by morning?" Lucy had them, Olivia wasn't worried about them at all.

Olivia sat in her car and opened the iPhone app called find me. She had enabled Kim's iPad and Amanda and Lucy's iPhones when all the craziness began. She was worried about something happening to them, so she tracked them without them knowing. Olivia tracked her to a hotel. She pulled up and tried to give her a chance to answer the phone. She finally had to flash her badge and use her power, "Sergeant Benson, I'm looking for Amanda Rollins." She showed him her badge and a photo. She headed to room 503 and he let her in. "Thank you."

She pushed the door open, terrified about what she would find, "Amanda?" Amanda was holding her knees and rocking against the headboard. Olivia knew this was trauma, "Amanda, it's me. Can I come over?" She walked slowly and talked softly. She couldn't see her face. "Amanda, I'm going to touch you okay?" Olivia touched her blonde hair making sure not to touch her body in case it triggered her.

Amanda looked up, her eyes were red, "I'm sorry. I wouldn't marry me either." Amanda hugged her body. Olivia climbed in bed and held her while she cried herself to sleep.