Chapter 10

Amanda turned over when she heard dishes clinking. "Morning! Sorry I woke you up, but it's 1 o'clock, you missed breakfast and you should eat." Amanda sat up and Olivia helped her to the bathroom. She never left her side and helped her eat. Amanda needed it, she felt weak.

After lunch Olivia ran her a warm bath. Amanda sat in the bathroom. "Can I help you take your clothes off?" Amanda nodded and Olivia helped her into the tub. Olivia washed her, dried her, and helped her into the white rub. Olivia held her and it was complete silence.

They sat there for a while and Olivia made conversation, "I talked to Lucy this morning, she was taking Noah and the girls to Central Park zoo. I can't believe Zara and Kim are starting 4th grade next week."

Amanda sat up and looked at her, "Why are you being so nice to me?" Amanda stood up pacing, "Aren't you mad at me? Yell at me Liv! Tell me I'm a liar and you wouldn't marry me."

Olivia couldn't, "I'm not mad at you. I was upset when I found out, but I knew you had a reason. I don't think you're a liar and I will marry you. Right now if you want. Lucy has kids, I will fly you to Vegas and marry you."

Amanda looked out of the window at the city. "When it happened I didn't know it was him, because I didn't see who it was and I had a concussion. Liv, I didn't remember anything. I talked to Detective Beck, you weren't around." Olivia laughed, because she remembered fighting with Elliot and taking leave. "Liv, I am a liar. You asked if he hurt me and I lied to you. Johnny found me and walked into the coffee shop. He didn't talk to me, he just smiled and left. I knew then it was him. I knew he raped me."

Olivia looked up. She didn't interrupt, just let her get it out. "I asked my boss at the Tech job for more hours and I took classes to move up. I never saw him again. I put it in the past and I wasn't afraid, but I became numb and cold. Then I met you and learned about Kim and Noah. I didn't want you to think I was broken. When I found out about Noah I never wanted it to be able to come out that his father raped me. Can you forgive me?"

Olivia held her face, "I know you aren't broken. I would never tell our kids and I'm going to marry you. If you need me to say I forgive you, I do, but there's nothing to forgive. I love you Amanda and our life." Amanda smiled. "But, this time don't explode and curse at me." Olivia gave her a stern look like she would give Kim. "But I don't want to right now. I want Noah to be walking and I want it to be on the beach during the summer. Noah is unsteady and we've missed the summer. Can we wait?"

Amanda smiled, "I can do that. I love you." They got up and headed home. In the car they talked some more. Olivia pulled into the garage parking space. "Liv, I don't want sex to be weird between us, just because of…" Olivia kissed her hard and pushed her tongue into her mouth. Amanda bit her lip, "Okay, I can handle this." Olivia wasn't sure how things would be, but they would face together. When they walked in Kim and Noah ran to hug them and they didn't talk about it anymore.

The fall and winter were full of firsts. They saw Kim off to school, celebrated Thanksgiving, and Christmas as a family. They had a family Christmas gift. Amanda and Noah were finally adopted. Noah celebrated his first birthday on December 30th, right before New Years.

Things were going good, really good. They were making plans for a June wedding in the Hamptons. They both had their dresses picked out. Kim and Lucy had theirs as well. Noah was having a tuxedo fitted just for him, but it would be last since he was growing so much.

Olivia received a phone call during dinner and when she stepped away, Amanda was wondering what was happening now. Olivia gave her a hint, "Thanks for the call Sheila. We can't wait to meet him." Amanda smiled, Noah had a baby brother.

They were a family, so even on Valentine's Day they did family things. Nick held down the squad, it was his choice. Amanda, Olivia, Fin, and Phoebe took all the kids on the NYC skyline dinner cruise. They took a ride around the city, saw some amazing things, and took beautiful pictures.

The next week Olivia and Amanda went to meet the new baby. Sheila answered the door, but she wasn't smiling. They were shocked to learn that Ellie's father passed away suddenly after Christmas. Ellie stayed clean when she found out she was pregnant, but as soon as she was released she was back on drugs and the streets. "I can't completely blame Johnny, Ellie was lost long before him."

Sheila thought she would do the right thing for once, "I want to be his grandmother. I want to be in his life, but I can't raise him. I wanted to ask you two since you have Noah if you would raise him." They were shocked, they didn't expect this at all.

Olivia looked at Amanda. They had been in sync since the summer. "Sheila, you know we will, we're just so sorry about everything." Amanda had to know, "What does Ellie want? Noah doesn't know right now, but he will eventually and we have Kim. They will get attached to him and we don't want the back and forth."

Sheila understood and she had to be honest. She handed them papers. She had custody of Ryan Porter. Ellie named him after her father. "I don't intend to take him, I just would like to visit him and be his grandmother. I would love to be a grandmother to all of them, if it's ok with you. I have custody and she has no say. I will sign anything you would like."

They helped Sheila pack his things. They still had tons of stuff from Noah. Sheila asked about the wedding and she only asked if Porter could be his middle name. They had agreed to all be Rollins, they didn't want to change the kids names and Olivia didn't mind being a Rollins along with the rest of them.

When they walked in Lucy dropped Noah's snippy cup. Noah kept touching him, "Baby mama." Olivia held his hand, "Yeah your baby brother." They had informed Lucy about him having a brother, but they didn't even know it was happening. Telling Kim would be a little different, she was smart and Ryan looked exactly like Noah did.

They got Ryan down for a nap and Noah. They sent Lucy to pick up the girls as normal. "Hi mama! Hi mommy! Why are you both home?" Olivia pulled her into her lap and held her. Lucy took Zara into the kitchen for a snack.

"Kim, you know how you and Amanda are sisters?" Kim nodded and rambled about Noah. "Well, Noah has a baby brother. He was born a month ago." They all turned hearing Ryan cry and Noah calling ma ma. Amanda came back with Ryan in her arms and Noah beside her.

As soon as he saw Kim, he hugged her. "Baby." Kim looked at Ryan and Olivia saw the wheels turning. "He's cute. He looks like Noah." Kim chewed on her bottom lip. She always did that when she was thinking. "Who's his mommy and daddy?"

They couldn't lie to her. Kim wasn't an ordinary 9 year old. She was like Amanda, she saw and knew things that she shouldn't have. They protected her from most of it since being with them, but this was different. "Well you remember Ellie, your friend." Kim nodded excitedly. "She is Ryan's mommy and Noah and Ryan have the same daddy."

They watched Kim's face change from excitement to sadness. She touched Ryan's hand and looked at Noah. Kim knew certain things. She knew Noah's dad was Johnny and she knew he was bad. She also knew he was dead.

Amanda rubbed her back, "Ryan is going to live with us. He's going to be your new brother. Do you have any questions Kim?" Kim shook her head and asked for a snack. She kissed Ryan's little hand and walked away. Amanda looked at Olivia, "She's thinking." Olivia nodded and agreed.

After dinner Kim was in their bed asking a million questions. She wanted to know if Ellie was dead, which they explained no, but she was sick. That made her sad, because she associated that with her mom getting sick and dying. They explained that Sheila wanted Ryan with them and everything would be okay.

Ellie died of a drug overdose a month later. Sheila came over twice a week and watched Noah and Ryan for Lucy. It allowed her to take more classes. The kids loved her, even Zara. She was Grandma Sheila and that's what she wanted to be.

The months passed and before they knew it, June was there. Olivia and Amanda stood with Fin in between them holding each arm. Zara and Kim dropped petals as Noah stood in front holding a big pillow with the rings. Fin walked them down where they married each other.

They took pictures together and as a family. "Come on Noah! Get in the picture!" Sheila smiled, "Wait you're forgetting someone." She handed then Ryan who was now a handful. Sheila smiled, "There, a picture perfect family."

Amanda smiled as they took the picture. Family was something that wasn't always in her life. She never imagined she would have it. She looked at Kim holding up Noah laughing and waving at Zara and Nick. She saw Fin and Phoebe holding onto each other and kissing. They were next in line and Phoebe was pregnant with twins. She smiled seeing Lucy was so happy for them. She frowned seeing Sheila standing alone without Ellie. Then she turned to Olivia who was holding a now chubby Ryan, he was Noah's twin. Olivia kissed her lips, "What's wrong?"

Amanda kissed her back, "Nothing, everything is perfect." Amanda laughed, "Hey everyone get in the picture!" They all walked across the sand and found a place. For the shot Amanda kissed Olivia, "Now it's picture perfect. I love you Olivia Benson Rollins."

Epilogue

Olivia called up the stairs, "Ryan Porter Rollins! Get down here!" Ryan peeped over the railing and saw his entire family holding gifts. He was tall, taller than Noah now, but they looked the same. A lot of people thought they were twins.

He came bounding down the stairs and smiling. "I'm here!"

Noah shook his head, "Always late to the party, even your own." Kim popped Noah, "Leave him alone, he's bigger than you now." Noah hugged him, "Taller not bigger, happy 16th birthday baby bro."

Things were different now, Kim grew up and followed in Amanda's footsteps. She fell in love with the technology world. They used the money Beth left for them and started a business called Pick App. It was a billion dollar company now. The entire family was involved.

Family was everything to them. Olivia, Amanda, Fin, and Nick were all retired and relaxing. The business basically ran itself. Kim was in charge and Zara was her number 2 and still her best friend.

Kim was married and pregnant for the third time. She married her high school sweetheart, Jordan Messina. When Olivia found out she was pregnant her junior year of high school, she told him he better marry her. Olivia hated him then, but grew to love him. He dropped everything when it came to Kim and the kids. They always came first.

Olivia remembered the day she found out. Kim cried on her lap for 3 hours waiting for Amanda to come home. "Mom, mama's going to kill me." Olivia didn't laugh Amanda was the tough parent which was shocking because Olivia started that way. She gave her comfort until Kim fell asleep on her lap. Kim was there first and as parents they missed a few things. They had talked to Kim about sex. Olivia was an SVU you detective, she wasn't dumb to things like that, but it happened too fast. They were quicker with the boys.

Amanda was actually starting the family business and she was pulling late hours. When Amanda came home and Olivia told her, she went nuts. Olivia actually had to hold Amanda, while she cried on her lap.

Amanda didn't kill her, the next morning she gave her a big hug and asked her what she wanted to do. She gave Kim all of the choices and let her decide. Kim gave birth to her first baby boy during her senior year on Noah's birthday. They named him Jordan Noah Messina. He had dark hair and his dad's eyes.

After that, birth control slowed down everything and she didn't have her second boy until two years ago. James Ryan Messina was her all over again with Kim's bleach blonde hair and blue eyes. She was due with a baby girl in the summer and she said she was done. She was naming them after her moms, Livia Manda Beth Messina.

They never forgot Beth and the kids knew better things about her. Telling them about Beth came with some heartache. Ryan knew about Ellie, but he had moms and a grandmother to ease the pain. Both boys also knew that Johnny was their father. They actually only learned about him a year ago. Noah came across an article about him and they were forced to tell them both. They never talked about him at all. Nick and Fin were always their father figures anyway.

Zara married Jordan's best friend, Zach Foster but she waited on the babies. She learned from Kim quickly. She also realized that her dad would have killed her. Nick got remarried and Zara needed that, because his ex wife Maria was killed in the line of duty when she was 13. She went through a pretty tough time, but Kim was always there.

Now the four of them ran the business and everything it involved. They were actually featured in the last people magazine as the top 5 businesses in the world. Kim didn't leave out Lucy. She worked as was in charge of advertising, she was married with twins.

They heard the doorbell and Ryan yelled, "See I'm not the only late one." as he opened the door for Fin, Phoebe, Finley and his best friend Griffin. Fin hugged him, "Happy birthday buddy." Finley rolled her eyes as they did their dumb handshake. She saved her hug for Noah. They were dating, Fin always messed with him, saying he would only allow this with Noah. Fin had a second chance at fatherhood and it helped him reconnect with his oldest son Ken.

They sat down to have dinner, gifts, and birthday cake. "Grandma! Sit by me!" Sheila kissed Kim, "It's Ryan's birthday baby." Kim helped her sit beside him. Kim loved her so much. When they told her Ellie died, she clung to Sheila. It was like she knew how broken hearted she was even though she was only 9 and didn't understand what happened to Ellie. Sheila was a grandma to all of them, but they had a special bond.

After opening all of his gifts and counting his cash Ryan hugged and thanked everyone. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Ryan! Happy birthday to you!" Noah grabbed him in the head lock, "Mama, 17 hits!" Amanda started popping his butt and no one tried to help him. Olivia snapped the picture on her cellphone as Amanda gave him a final swat "And one to grow on!"

They all ran to the couch laughing. Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda's waist and showed her the picture. Olivia asked if she liked it. Amanda looked at the picture of all of them on the beach from their wedding that they had blown up and was now hanging on the wall, then she looked back at Olivia's phone. Their family had grown bigger than Amanda could ever imagine. "Liv, I love it. It's picture perfect. I love you Olivia Benson Rollins."