Prompt #33: A current EO fic after the shoot-out and Elliot needing to see Olivia
The One Who Understands
•••
He'd been keeping his ear to the ground for the last two days, acutely aware of the hate crimes being committed around the city and SVU's involvement with the investigation. He had questioned why organized crime hadn't been consulted, but Ayanna didn't have an answer and could see right through his eagerness to be involved.
"Elliot, you're aware that Captain Benson is one of the leads on the task force?" she asked.
"Yeah, but what does that have to do…" He managed to get most of his question out before being interrupted.
"Yeah, uh-huh, you know. So, you know she'll call us in if she needs us." She had an impish, knowing grin on her face.
Ayanna had come to the Stabler residence a week prior to deliver the bad news about Wheatley. On her way back to her car, she'd run into none other than Olivia Benson with her young son in tow.
That is why the entire family looked disappointed to see me. They were waiting on Liv.
Ayanna had put it together after a quick hello with the Captain. The Sergeant wasn't entirely sure of the current nature of the relationship between her subordinate and the SVU Captain, but she could clearly see where the ship was sailing—perhaps more clearly than either of the passengers of said ship.
Still, Elliot denied her implications. "Sarge, look, I just think that we'd be the most logical backup for the hate crimes division. I mean, I understand that Li—" he slipped, but caught himself, "SVU has a way with delicate victims, and hate crime survivors are definitely that, but we deal with brutal violence in the streets every day. It just makes more sense." Elliot was proud of his argument but was met with a quick reply.
"Yeah, well, not your decision," Ayanna said before adding a comment to solidify her knowledge of his actual desire. "And if you're so worried about Olivia, maybe you should call her."
He couldn't argue with her—he knows that she knows. He couldn't fight the sideways grin that etched his lips. "Yeah, yeah, ok."
"Alright, I've got my boy's first Christmas to celebrate and your boy probably wants his dad home. So, why don't we call it a night?" Ayanna asked as she put her coat on and gathered her belongings.
"Yeah, go ahead, I'll be out of here in 10 minutes. Just gotta finish this paperwork." He gestures to the DD5 on his desk.
"Ok, well don't stay too late, and Merry Christmas." She squeezed her friend's shoulder as she walked out.
Elliot finished his task and sat for a moment, mulling over the injustice of both he and Bell spending Christmas with their sons while Olivia was surrounded by brutality and Noah was God only knows where. He decided Ayanna was right and got out his phone.
He was surprised that Olivia picked up on the second ring.
"Hey, you ok?" was her greeting and it made his stomach flip.
She truly thinks I only call when I need something, he chided himself.
"Yeah, yeah, I, uh, I know you're busy. I was just calling to make sure you're ok. That you or Noah didn't need anything?" He sounded nervous.
"Oh," Olivia answered with a tone that was both full of surprise and relief, "thank you, Elliot. I'm ok, it's not great being away from Noah tonight. We were actually at church when I got the call—hadn't really had the opportunity to do most of our yearly traditions yet."
Elliot was surprised to hear she was at church but tried to hide it in his tone. "You know that I know how that feels. Nothing worse than missing your kids during the holidays. I'm glad you were at least able to make it to your service though. I didn't remember you ever really attending."
"Well, I didn't. I don't, not really. I just, you know how my mom was, she never even introduced the concept. I want to give Noah a foundation where he knows all the options—he can make his own mind up. You know?" she answered him and he's, yet again, struck by just how amazing this woman has always been.
"God, I've always known you'd be a better parent than me." He chuckled. "Where is Noah? Do you want me to get him and bring him here? He seemed so comfortable with everyone last week," he asked, fondly thinking back to the family dinner.
"That's sweet of you to offer, El. He's okay though—he's with Amanda's girls at the Carisis'. They're like little sisters to him, he's happy. Santa is all set up to arrive there tonight." She couldn't hide the sadness in her voice. Elliot heard it and knew exactly the cause—the years with kids believing in Santa are fleeting and missing even one of those precious years is too many.
"I'm so sorry you're missing that, Liv," he said with the same genuine tone he had when they spoke about her deceased boyfriend.
He heard a radio go off in the background. "El, I gotta go. Thank you for checking on us. It means a lot."
"Anytime, partner. Please be careful, okay?" He needed her to hear the urgency in his words.
"Always. Bye, El."
That was been 24 hours ago. He's texted her several times and called twice with no reply.
A lot can happen in 24 hours and he can't help the sick feeling that's sitting squarely in his gut.
He had the day off work today and was spending a quiet Christmas with his mom, Kathleen, and Eli. The big Christmas celebration was the week prior. Most of the kids had agreed to spend the holiday with their significant other's families, so it was easier to celebrate early. This day was spent eating candy, watching movies, and playing board games. It really would have been a great day if he knew Liv was ok. And a perfect day if Olivia and Noah had come over.
Occasionally, Elliot excused himself, went to his room, and turned on the police radio, listening to the chatter for any 1013 calls. None, so far. Thank God.
After the fourth or fifth time of sneaking off, Bernie quietly followed her son.
"What are you doing, Honey? Listening for anything in particular?" she asked, knowing something was weighing on him.
"Nothing, Mama. It's just, uhh, Liv. She's stuck working this case—missing Christmas with Noah. It's been around the clock. I know she's exhausted. She's not returned my calls. I'm just listening to the chatter to make sure nothing big has gone down," he explained.
His mother just nodded and gently rubbed his back. She knew how protective he was of the people he loved—even more so after what happened to Kathy. However, the protectiveness he had for Olivia overshadowed all others. It was blatantly obvious that her son was in love with Olivia and she could not be more thrilled. She loved Olivia—the kind, courageous, and beautiful woman. And that little Noah, he was a precious boy and having another young grandchild would allow her to have the time with him she didn't get with Eli.
At that very moment, an officer-involved shooting was announced. Shot through the head at a Christmas Fair.
The shooter—Captain Olivia Benson.
His blood ran cold.
He looked up at Bernie who had heard the whole thing. He didn't need to say a word, but the old woman knew exactly what he was thinking and simply said, "Go. She'll need you."
He nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He told the kids an abbreviated version of the events and was out the door.
•••
He was a bad man who was going to kill a lot of innocent people.
She had no choice, but to shoot.
She saved so many people from death and countless from the loss of someone they loved on Christmas.
She has killed before, all justifiable, of course.
But none of that made it any easier because Olivia Benson was not a killer.
Olivia Benson had the deepest levels of empathy—even when she shouldn't. Even when it was not in her best interest.
She knew the man she shot was evil—she knew that in her bones. But she also knew that he belonged to people who were maybe not evil, that loved him because they knew a part of him that wasn't ugly and hateful. And even though she knew the love they had for him was misguided, based on falsehoods, it didn't make her heart ache for them any less.
Because Olivia Benson knew about loss.
What she didn't know about, not anymore anyway, was how to make the people around her understand that this was hard for her. And maybe they do understand, she just built such a wall around herself when she was hurting that the people she loved the most wouldn't even try to scale it.
Amanda and Fin both knew she was not okay, but they both backed up and give her space. She gave off those vibes—the, "I'll be fine, give me a minute."
And she didn't know where they came from because she was so desperate for someone to put their arms around her. Preferably someone older than nine. She could always get a hug from Noah, but she couldn't, in good conscience, let him be any kind of sounding board for her. And that was what she needed.
So, here she was, sitting all alone in her office on Christmas Day having just killed a man. She was still shaking. She looked at her phone, saw multiple missed calls from Elliot, and couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She began to sob into her hands.
She only cried for a few brief moments when she heard the light knock at her office door. She frantically wiped her eyes before clearing her throat and announced for the visitor to come in, assuming it was Fin coming to check on her.
But when the door opened, it wasn't Fin.
It was Elliot.
It was her Elliot and all of the sudden it was a decade ago and she was practically running into his open arms. Because he knew, instinctively, when she was not ok.
His strong arms enveloped her and she let her tears fall onto his chest. She could feel his fingers brushing through her hair, his lips on her temple. His breath warmed her soul.
After several minutes, she pulled back and looked at him. He wiped the tears off of her cheeks with light strokes.
"How'd you know?" she asked.
"I've been keeping my ear out. I do that when my partner could be in danger," he answered softly, smoothing her hair back from her forehead.
"I'm ok," she lied before the truth crept into her words. "The man I shot, it had to be done. I know that with complete certainty, but, I just, it's Christmas. Ya know? And I'm not stupid, I know that that fact alone doesn't make the bad guys any less bad…"
She was rambling, eyes dropped to the floor.
He took her hands. "Liv, listen to me." He bent his knees slightly, turning his head to force eye contact. When he knew she was listening, he began again. "I get it. You're not a killer and even though it had to be done, it's hard. And on Christmas, you should get to be with Noah, not having your hand forced like this. It's not fair that this terrorist chose Christmas to hurt so many innocent people." He could see the guilt for being upset for herself instead of the victims in her eyes, so he added. "Those people include you, Liv."
She sighed and leaned her forehead against his chest. "Why have you always been so good at this, El?"
"At what?" he asked quietly, rubbing small circles on her blazer clad back.
"At me. No one else can calm me like you can. Everyone else is too scared to try," she said, with a hint of a laugh, pulling back to reestablish eye contact.
"Naw, you don't scare me, Olivia Benson. You don't scare me when you're sad or mad or disappointed. I know what's under all that toughness. I remember the woman who threw up in a trashcan after interviewing the victim of a war criminal. I remember the woman who stayed on the phone all day learning Honduran nursery rhymes to save a little girl no one else even believed was real. The woman who climbed back into a mangled car to save my family. Nothing about you will ever scare me away, Liv, because I know what an amazing heart you have."
Tears sprung back into her eyes. She wiped them away and swallowed the knot in her throat.
"Thank you, El. I gotta finish this paperwork and get out of here. You need to be with your kids," she told him in an obligatory tone.
As she turned to go to her desk, he sat on her couch. "No, I think I'm exactly where I should be. I'm going to wait around for my friend, Olivia, to finish her work and walk her home. It's Christmas, after all."
"I think Christmas is officially ruined, El," she told him.
"Ok, so why don't we make up for it on New Year's? And if that doesn't go well, there's always Valentine's Day." He had a crooked grin on his face when he was a nervous smile developed on her lips.
"Yeah, El, I'd like that," she answered quietly as a blush formed on her cheeks.
"Well, it's high time we do something we actually like to do, don't ya think?" he asked, smiling.
The two sit in comfortable silence as she finished her paperwork. He walked her home and after about a block, he took her cold hand in his own. At her apartment door, he leaned in for the briefest, lightest of kisses on her soft lips before bidding her goodnight.
So, maybe Christmas wasn't entirely ruined and she couldn't wait to see what Valentine's Day would bring.