Day 2: Failed Rescue Mission
Numb. That was the only feeling I could feel. I was numb. I guess it was better than the alternative. Better than feeling the immense guilt that wanted to ravage every fiber of my existence. For that, I was grateful. Grateful that I couldn't feel that I had put up a wall between myself and what happened. I couldn't think of him.
My days were divided between Before the Attack and After the Attack. Before was wonderful, loving...safe. After was darkness and not just spirit darkness. Darkness that crept into everything that I did. It got to the point that no one could stand to be around me. Lissa tried; she really did but not even she could get through to me.
The After feelings intensified after the failed attempt at rescuing him. I begged and pleaded with Alberta and my mom to rescue him. They all said we had to have permission from the Court. That it would be more dangerous to others to attempt it. I screamed. I showed more of my true feelings for him. I could see that it shocked Alberta to know the true extent of my mentor relationship.
After much pleading, we initiated the mission, but it was pointless. No body. No body. Unaccounted for. I heard the voices whispering around me. Were they whispering or could I just not hear them?
We had a memorial for him. I was numb. I set off for Russia and found him. I started to feel. Feel hope that I could free him from this monstrous experience. I was held against my will by him. I was numb... again. I found the strength and chance and drove my stake through his heart. I felt closure. I had my trials. I started to feel everyday moments. Then the letters came. I failed yet another rescue mission. I couldn't rescue his soul.