"AHH!"
With an ear piercing screech, Monika had abruptly woken up from her slumber. Panting, she felt her chest and noticed how her heart was beating fast. Monika just kept panting as she tried relaxing to the best of her abilities.
"Just another nightmare… cmon, relax. Everything is okay… it wasn't real." Monika said out loud to help reassure herself. She reached over to the nearby counter to grab her phone. Seeing that it was 6:00 AM, she groaned as she stood up from her bed.
"Might as well get ready for the day. I just wish I didn't feel so… not great." Monika thought as she made her way to the bathroom. Passing by the mirror, she couldn't help but look over to her reflection. Her eyes were bloodshot and had bags underneath as she frowned at the sight.
"Why do I keep having these nightmares? It's been going on for days…" Monika mentally asked as she looked deeper into her reflection and started recounting the nightmares.
"They always play out the same… I experience an epiphany and believe I'm trapped inside a video game. Then I proceed to do the absolute unspeakable to my friends? Friends I no longer see as people? Absolutely absurd! I'd never do that to them! They're real! Everything is real… but then…"
Monika trailed off from her thoughts as she could have sworn her reflection had morphed into the Monika of her nightmares, the one sitting alone in a classroom with that unsettling smile. It sent a chill down the literature club president's spine as she shook her head and her reflection returned to normal.
"Why… Why do I feel like I understand why I… or rather, she made those decisions? To truly feel alone inside a world you thought was real this whole time, only to find out it was fake. To believe the people around you were fake. Would I have done the same thing? Would I be like… that monster? Or am I already a monster for having empathy towards that version of me?" Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri… all the suffering they endured because of me- No! No no no! Stop it!"
Monika turned on the sink as she proceeded to splash cold water onto her face. She was desperate to get ahold of herself as she could feel tears starting to form due to her thoughts running wild.
"It was a dream… I didn't do those horrible acts and I would never! Everything is fine. I'm… not going to have some silly epiphany. This world is real and my friends are real! I… I need to get ready for school. Get it together Monika! You don't want to make the others worried!"
With a newfound resolve to pull herself together, Monika had jumped into the shower as she started the morning off getting herself ready for school. But even with the hot water pelting her face, her mind couldn't stop wandering back to the dreams.
To say that the classes today were insanely boring would be the understatement of the century for Sayori. She was still trying to survive the last class as she just kept staring out of the nearby window and started daydreaming. How badly she wanted the bell to ring so she could head straight for the literature club. It was easily the best part of the day for her as she grinned thinking about her friends.
"Cmooooon… Please ring, Mr. Bell! I wanna see my friends… I'm so BORED!" Sayori thought as she groaned out loud. This earned her the curious look of nearby students as she awkwardly giggled and blushed a bit. Seeing that she had the opportunity due to her teacher blabbering on, Sayori pulled out her phone and began texting.
"Moniiiiika! Class is boring and I wanna go the literature club NOW!" ;(
"Be patient. You only have to wait about half an hour before you can be dismissed."
"But half an hour is FOREVER!" :/
"Oh you'll be fine! Now please pay attention to your studies. The Vice President shouldn't be having her grades start slipping, hrmm?"
"Okaaaaaay… I'll be a good student. Grumble Grumble…"
"Good girl. Ttyl" :)
"Ttyl!" ^_^
Now in a much better mood, Sayori put away her phone as she tried her best to follow along with today's lesson. While she didn't really retain much information, she could at least say she tried her best for Monika. Speaking of Monika, Sayori had hoped that her best friend was doing better. These past couple days had Sayori noticing that the literature club president was lacking energy and frowning more often. It made the bubbly student determined to cheer her up the moment she saw her today.
"I dunno what's been on her mind but I'll get to the bottom of this! I promise I will, Monika! Your trusty Vice President has got your back!" Sayori thought with a big smile plastered on her face.
A half hour had passed and the bell rang as Sayori quickly jumped to her feet and skipped her way towards the classroom that was used to host the literature club. Unsurprisingly, she was the first to arrive as she made herself comfy. Or at least, she would have but then she noticed one of the lightbulbs was flickering, signaling that it was going to go out soon. This made the girl pout as she went into the storage room and pulled out a new lightbulb.
"Vice President Sayori is on the case! Let there be light!" Jumping onto one of the desks, Sayori began the process of changing out the old lightbulb with the new one. This process admittedly took longer than she would have liked though since the girl wasn't exactly tall. It would take her a bit before she would finish.
Monika had just finished talking to one of her teachers about an upcoming assignment as she left class. Knowing how excited Sayori was for today's club meeting, Monika figured the bubbly girl would already be there. Not wanting to keep her waiting, Monika made her way into the club room.
"Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long, Sayor-" Monika didn't get to finish what she was going to say as she saw Sayori close to the ceiling, trying to replace a lightbulb. Her being so close to the ceiling, feet no longer touching the floor caused a horrifying mental image to flood Monika's mind. Memories of her beloved friend's suicide overwhelmed her as she couldn't stop thinking about the lifeless look on her face as she dangled off the floor, rope around her neck. Blood dripped from Sayori's hands as it all felt too real. It made Monika want to collapse and vomit right there on the scene. Then, words started radiating into her mind, words another version of her had once spoken.
"You kind of left her hanging this morning, you know?"
Monika screamed at the top of her lungs.
"WAH! What is it?! What-" Sayori asked in a panic but was cut off as she started falling off the desk. Luckily for her, Monika quickly caught her bridal style as they both fell to the floor in a gentle fashion. Monika then wrapped her arms around Sayori and started crying her eyes out into the girl's shoulder as Sayori was in shock of what just happened.
"H-Hey! Hey, it's okay… it's okay. I'm here for you! Everything's gonna be okay…" Sayori said as she tried reassuring her friend. Monika wouldn't stop crying though as Sayori rubbed her back slowly and was content to hug her for as long as she needed. Just then, the door had opened as two familiar faces had arrived.
"I'm telling you Yuri, you'd totally love this next manga I'm gonna recommend to you!" Natsuki said to her purple haired friend as the two came inside. Natsuki would have continued going on and on about this particular manga but once she heard Monika's loud crying, she looked over to the scene as her eyes widen
"Oh dear… Did something happen?" Yuri said as she and Natsuki rushed over to the pair of girls sitting on the floor.
"Yeah like holy crap! What's going on?! Did Monika… I dunno, have someone break up with her on the phone just now?! Ooooh, just tell me who the jerk is and I'll make them pay!" Natsuki reassured with a heated glare.
"Y-Yes! Please tell us and I'll go with Natsuki to meet this person! I'll make sure they suffer absolute hell for bringing such pain to one of our dear friends!"
"Heck yeah Yuri! That's what I'm talking about!" Natsuki praised with a nod as Sayori looked up towards the two girls.
"I'm not sure what happened!" Sayori exclaimed as she kept gently rubbing her crying friend's back. "I was just changing a lightbulb and she went all AHH and then I want all WAH and here we are!" Sayori explained as Yuri and Natsuki exchanged confused glances towards each other. By this point, Monika was starting to calm down as she slowly pulled away from Sayori. Her eyes were puffy as she wiped away the tears still on her face.
"I'm… I'm good. I'm okay now." Monika insisted as she slowly rose to her feet with Sayori following suit."
"The heck you are! I've never seen you cry like that before!" Natsuki said with concern that was showing on both her face and with her tone. "What's going on? Was I right about the breakup?!" Natsuki asked as Monika gave a weak laugh and shook her head.
"No no, nothing like that. I just… it's stupid, please don't worry about it. None of you need to worry about me." Monika said as she looked away from the group, her cheeks red with embarrassment. Yuri went around so she could see Monika in the face as she gave a warm smile.
"You don't have to tell us if you want to but… please don't say it's stupid. If something is bothering you then we want to help you feel better. You would do the same for us and I wish to do the same for you." Yuri explained. "Ah, I know! I'll go make us all some tea. That will surely lighten the atmosphere. I'll be right back." Yuri said as she went off to grab the tea kettle from the closet.
"Yeah, it's not stupid! Take it from me who's like, the master of not talking about what's bugging me. It sucks and it's way better to just get it off your chest." Natsuki explained as she patted Monika on the back and smiled at her taller friend. The president of the club then returned the smile as best as she could.
"Well… but we really shouldn't get off track from today's schedule and…" Monika trailed off as Sayori pouted and poked Monika right on the nose.
"Nuh-uh! Don't worry about today's schedule or I'll keep giving you the boop to the nose!" Sayori said with puffy cheeks. "We couldn't have fun with the literature club anyway if one of our members was all sad! Please talk to us and we can help make the sad go away!"
"Girls…" Monika muttered as she looked over to all of her friends. She sighed with a defeated look on her face as she took a seat. The girls would soon follow suit after Yuri came back with freshly made tea.
"So… where do I even start…" Monika mused as she began explaining what's been going on to her friends.
"Such a chilling story…" Yuri commented as she looked toward Monika with worry.
"Holy crap… no wonder you've been looking real bad lately! You've been having the absolute worst kinds of nightmares!" Natsuki exclaimed as she scooted closer to Monika's desk.
"You should have told us sooner about this, Monika…" Sayori said with not a trace of silliness in her tone.
"I just… feel like such an awful person. Complete scum of the earth." Monika said as she gazed towards the floor, not giving any of the girls eye contact. She felt too much shame to do so.
"Heeeeey it was just a nightmare! None of that was real! We know you would never do any of that horrible stuff…" Sayori insisted as Yuri and Natsuki nodded in agreement.
"But doesn't it make me awful that I feel like I understand why that Monika would do all that? I mean… it feels so messed up and I feel messed up for having empathy." Monika explained as it was Yuri who decided to speak up first.
"Truth be told, I have nothing but empathy as well. While it's rather unsettling to hear about what that Monika did to us… could I truly say I would not do the same if I had experienced such an epiphany? I'm not sure… but what I do know is that the Monika from those dreams must have felt so alone. That would drive anyone mad." Yuri said as Monika looked up to her in surprise.
"Yuri… even after all that, you don't think less of me?" Monika asked with a genuine tone.
"Oh cmon! It was just a nightmare! None of that was real so you shouldn't feel bad about it!" Natsuki said as she gently punched Monika on the shoulder. "Stop worrying about something we all know you would never do. You're not psycho Monika who's seriously teetering on being yandere. You're our Monika who's cool whenever you're not all uptight." Natsuki said with a playful grin as Monika could only shake her head with a small chuckle. Monika then looked over to Sayori who was strangely quiet as this worried Monika quite a bit. The usually cheerful girl then looked up and smiled.
"I know you would never do those things. The Monika from those dreams made the rain clouds never go away… but you? My Monika helped make the rain clouds feel so far away. You make it feel sunny all the time! So please, stop tormenting yourself! You're the good Monika, the best Monika!" Sayori said as she stood up from her desk and started nuzzling Monika's cheeks with her own, making Monika blush profusely as they all laughed together. Sayori wouldn't stop until Monika had to playfully push her face away with a hand.
"Everyone… thank you. It means the world to me that I have friends like you. I promise that I won't ever be like the Monika from those dreams. You have my word!" Monika said as the other girls nodded with smiles.
"Okay cool, we love each other and all that mushy crap. Now then, can we PLEASE talk about this epic poem I wrote? You girls are gonna be SO impressed!" Natsuki said proudly as she stood up with a piece of paper in her hands. "Also, don't think I forgot about that manga, Yuri. I'll get you into manga yet, just you wait!" Natsuki insisted as Yuri giggled in response.
"Hehe… Very well. Don't forget though that I'm still planning on getting you into my own favorite stories too." Yuri pointed out as Natsuki groaned.
"Okaaaaay… I guess it's only fair. Besides, maybe if we talk about it, I'll get more interested in the stuff you like to read about." Natsuki said as this made Yuri practically beaming. Yuri then started pulling out her own poem as she was eager to share. Monika smiled at the pair as Sayori was still looking at Monika with concern.
The rest of the day had gone by successfully for the club members. Poems were shared as well as a fun discussion over the current book being read by the group. Seeing as it was starting to get late, Yuri and Natsuki had decided to head out after making sure once more that Monika was okay. When Monika gave both of them enough of a satisfying answer, the two girls left and left Monika and Sayori alone. Monika looked outside one of the windows, a melancholy look on her face. She became so lost in her thoughts that it wasn't until Sayori started waving her hand in front of Monika's face that she broke out of her trance and looked at her friend in confusion.
"It's still bothering ya, huh?" Sayori inquired as Monika sighed and nodded.
"I'm past the point of crying about it." Monika said with a frown before turning back to the window. "I just don't understand. How I could be capable of such… evil. Especially to you, Sayori… you opened up to me about your depression and I took advantage of that… I'm so sorry." Monika said as Sayori came closer to Monika and grabbed one of her hands. She then joined Monika in looking through the window, wanting to be there for her best friend.
"You know why I told you all that, right? About how I can get really, really sad and it makes me feel like wanting to die?" Sayori asked as Monika noticeably flinched upon hearing the word "die" from the girl. "I told you all that stuff because you made it easy to do so. You were the first person I opened up to about my struggles and I don't regret it one bit!"
"Sayori…" Monika looked back at her friend once more, seeing her smile so big that it felt contagious. Monika couldn't help but smile a bit in return.
"I don't care about that version of you in the dreams. That Monika and the Monika in front of me are not the same! You would never hurt any of us because you're our friend! You're not a monster." Sayori finished as she hugged Monika tightly. "Hug energy, I summon thee! Give Monika the strength to feel better!" Sayori shouted as Monika couldn't help but burst into laughter as she hugged Sayori back.
"Your hug energy is always appreciated, Sayori. Thank you." Monika said as she pulled back just slightly so she could smile at her friend.
"Heeey, I got an idea! Why don't you stay the night with me?! We can have a slumber party!" Sayori suggested as Monika was taken aback.
"W-Well, this is sudden! Like, tonight?" Monika asked as Sayori nodded.
"Yeah! We can eat pizza, watch movies, tell ghost stories… actually, no ghost stories! I'm trying to help you avoid nightmares, not have more of them!" Sayori realized as Monika gave her an amused smile.
"So that's it, huh? You're worried I'm gonna keep having nightmares so you're inviting me over." Monika pointed out as Sayori bashfully smiled.
"Hehe… did it work?" Sayori asked as Monika chuckled.
"You know what? Let's do it. I only hope your folks will be okay with-"
"WHOOHOO! Yeah! Party time with my bestie, let's go!" Sayori shouted as she was literally jumping up and down at a rate of speed Monika didn't think was possible for a human to possess. The literature club president shook her head and laughed as the two went off together.
Monika opened her eyes and couldn't believe what she was looking at. In front of her was… herself. The version of her from the dreams. But instead of the chilling smile, she was met with one much softer. The two Monika sat against each other, within the classroom that seemed like it was floating in space.
"Let my mistakes be a lesson." The Monika from the nightmares said. "In my pursuit of a life outside of this game, I lost sight of myself. It wasn't until it was too late that I realized that… my reality is what I choose for myself. We always have a choice and I made the choice to throw this life away to selfishly pursue another. I thought it would make me happy… it didn't."
The Monika from the nightmares looked somber as she reached over the desk and grabbed the other Monika's hand.
"You must have been so alone…" The real Monika said.
"I was alone because I let myself be alone." The nightmare Monika pointed out. "Reality is what we define it. What matters above all are my friends, our friends. Perhaps if I wasn't so convinced they were artificially made, perhaps if I wasn't so distant… none of this would have happened."
"Is this… real? Did this really happen?" The real Monika asked.
"Who can say for sure?" Nightmare Monika said with a shrug. "Maybe this is all in your head, maybe this is some alternate reality, or maybe… maybe you've been given another chance. I'm not even sure how I'm still here and talking to you. I deleted everything after all. But… even if I might fade away forever, I can't rest in peace unless you promise me something."
"What is it?" Monika asked as Nightmare Monika began to start fading in and out, static coursing through her body.
"Cherish life. Cherish those around you. Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri are my best friends. Please… take care of them. Prove me wrong and make the Literature Club a place that can truly find happiness. Do what I failed to do as both the Club President and as a friend. Please… wherever my soul goes, I want to know I did one last good thing. Redemption for the terrible misfortune I brought to the others. Promise me." Nightmare Monika finished as her body was becoming more and more transparent. She looked like a ghost by this point as tears ran down her cheeks.
"I promise. I'll take care of them." Monika simply said as her Dream counterpart smiled. Then, the nightmare version fell out of her chair as she laid on the floor. Monika came to her quickly as she rested her dream counterpart onto her lap as the girl was almost impossible to see with how transparent she had become. She looked up at the ceiling, feeling her eyes grow heavy.
"I wonder… did I ever have a soul? Was I ever real? Or maybe… maybe I was the fake one all this time. I can't say for sure but… I know one thing." Nightmare Monika said.
"What is it?" Monika asked
"I'm… scared. I want to see my friends. They're all that matters to me now. But do I deserve the right to see them, wherever I go? Would they want to see a monster like me? Could I even blame them? I… I'm scared. I'm so scared… God, I'm going to die. This is it, it's finally sinking in. I deleted everything… and now, I'm going to be deleted. Sayori, Natsuki, Yuri… I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for being the worst friend imaginable. I love you all so much… I do… I do…"
"I'm here for you…" Monika said as she tried to reassure her other self. "They'll forgive you and you'll see them again." Monika said as her counterpart looked at her in surprise.
"H-How can you be so sure?" The nightmare version asked sincerely.
"You and I are the same. Wherever my soul goes when my time is up will be the same place your soul goes to as well. I will always be with my friends. So will you… the nightmare can finally end." Monika said as her dream version started shedding more tears. She looked up at her one final time as the nightmare Monika smiled.
"Thank you…" the dream Monika muttered as the world around them started fading away. Before Monika knew it, she woke up in Sayori's room with her friend sleeping beside her peacefully. Monika smiled as she went back to sleep, feeling like she wasn't going to have those nightmares ever again.
Everything was blindingly white as nightmare Monika was floating in what looked like pure emptiness. She was no longer transparent and her counterpart was gone too. She found herself at a crossroad with a left path and a right path. To the left was a giant screen with a figure just looking beyond. Monika couldn't believe it, it was the player she had been searching for all this time.
"You're… real." Monika could only mutter. But then, she looked over to the right path and saw Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri motioning for her. The moment Monika saw her beloved friends once more, she could only cry with a large smile on her face.
"This time… I'm making the right choice. This time, I will choose my reality. My reality… with my friends!" Monika sprinted off to the right path, the player being nothing but a faint memory by this point for Monika. Monika ran the fastest she had ever ran in her entire life. But no matter how much she ran, it was like she could never catch up to her friends. She became desperate as she reached out her hand and kept running.
"Please! Don't leave me! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! PLEASE!" Monika cried out as she kept running. But the path she had been running on gave away as she started falling. She started falling into deep darkness as her friends got further and further away. All Monika could do was float within the darkness as her greatest fears were coming true.
"Maybe… maybe I do deserve this. To be alone… forever. The price to pay for my sins…" Monika closed her eyes as she felt herself drifting off into the void. She was prepared to accept whatever punishment she felt she deserved.
"Heeeeeey! Careful or you'll get left behind, silly!"
Monika's eyes shot open as she recognized that voice instantly. It was Sayori as she was holding Monika's hand and walking beside her.
"Yeeesh, try not to be so late next time! Some club president you are!" Natsuki playfully teased as she smiled and walked beside Monika.
"We were hoping you would come with us. It… wouldn't be the same without you." Yuri shyly said with a smile.
"Girls… I love you all so much…" Monika said as she walked alongside her friends.
The group of friends continued walking towards the returning light once more, hand in hand. For the first time in a real long time, Monika felt the emptiness leave her heart. The members of the literature club then vanished together, the nightmare finally reaching a conclusion.