ATUHOR'S NOSE: This was inspired by a very insightful and thoughtful review of Turning Red, courtesy of The Mysterious John "Jonathan Bonathan Joviathan" Enter. Enjoy.

The stage was set for Meilin Lee to finally become a woman. She had yeeted herself out of the purification ritual and launched herself across town into the 4 Town concert - but not before using her powerful panda form to break into a liquor store and abscond with several liters of alcomohol for herself and her friends to enjoy. Although her friends were reluctant to take her back since she threw them under the bus on account of her mommy issues, they decided to let bygones be bygones once the concert started. They watched, enraptured, as those five cute little hunks of tenderized boy meat took the stage. One of them blew a kiss at the four girls, causing them to burst into tears and piss themselves in a moment of pure ecstasy.

But just as one of them was about to touch Mei's hand, the concert was interrupted by a roar of, "MEI-MEI!"

Mei-Mei gasped and pissed herself some more, thinking that her mommy had come to put a stop to all her fun. But it wasn't her mommy. It was someone far, far worse. It was...

...

...OSAMA BIN LADEN.

He and the rest of his Al Qaeda homies burst into the concert, firing AK-47s in the air while ululating wildly. "NO MORE MUSIC! DEATH TO AMERICA!" he screamed.

"This is Canada, dumbshit," said Priya.

"THEN DEATH TO CANADA TOO!" Osama retorted. while shooting Priya repeatedly in the face. Fortunately, Priya had her Impenetrable Shield of Not Giving a Shit activated, so all the bullets bounced off. Osama didn't care, though; he had a far bigger fish to fry. A fish named Meilin Lee.

"YOU!" he hollered, pointing at the budding young panda girl. "If we could harness your panda power, we could finally win our war against the western infidels once and for all! Oh, and wipe out all the Jews. That's very important, too. Join us, Mei-Mei, and we will make your face the greatest in Koridai... or else you will DIE."

But Meilin wagged her finger at him and bobbed her head back and forth like the sassy little pumpkin patch she was. "Go fuck yourself, you cock-munching cocker spaniel!" she said. "Abby, sic him!"

So Abby jumped onto Osama Bin Laden's shoulders and took a massive bite out of his jugular vein. The terrorist screamed in agony and flopped around on the floor like a dead fish, begging for the rest of Al Qaeda to help him. However, once his comrades saw how awesome Abby was, they threw down their guns and joined her side.

"Thank you for showing us the light!" they said. "May we please join your fabulous friend group and enjoy the rest of this concert?"

Miriam gave them a dirty look. "Uh, no. You guys did 9/11."

So Mei transformed into her giant panda form and gobbled them up like crispy Chicken McNuggets.

"Eat me! Eat me too!" cried Osama, who was still rolling around on the floor in excruciating pain.

"No," said Mei. "No, you have to suffer more. You performed one of the deadliest terror attacks on U.S. soil to date."

And so, the concertgoers all trampled Osama Bin Laden as the rest of the concert proceeded uninterrupted. Afterwards, George W. Bush and Jean Chrétien (yes, that was the name of the Canadian Prime Minister at the time) showed up and took Mei and her friends to Chuck E. Cheese's for helping solve the war on terror.

Oh, and Tyler was there too, but no one cares because he's a douche.

THE END