"Why Germans?"
By Kpmh2001
UNSC Dominion, The War Room
Commander Richard was a very busy man, but he still found a way to make room for the important questions.
"Lieutenant, I have a quick question." Richard stated, fetching Bradford's attention for what he was writing. It was somewhat amusing that the older officer still held so rigidly to using physical paper, but also somewhat irritating, as it added to the clutter of the War Room.
"Go right ahead." Bradford said. "This report is going nowhere anyway..."
That's relatable. Richard thought. "Why are all of our assigned Call Signs for SDC positions named after Germans?"
"Because, some of these names are a bit ludicrous." Bradford replied, before passing over the paper he was working on. "Actually, this is a good example, have a look."
Richard took one look at where he was pointing. "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgo... what?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought too." Bradford replied. "That's the name of a road, Curie says it's Welsh, although quite how that exists when everyone speaks Basic English... that's beyond me."
"That's Welsh?!" Richard demanded. "Look at how many characters it has!"
"And now you understand our frustration. Obviously we were going to implement callsigns for the sake of brevity. Lieutenant Thomas suggested that we use the names of Historical Germans... preferably those we can pronounce without choking on our own tongues."
The holotable flickered, before Curie's form emerged. "...I objected, as it seems that Atlas's culture is far more Nordic than Germanic. Although it certainly has an abundance of cultural influences..."
Wait, what? Richard thought, Curie's comment only adding further confusion.
"Have you seen the size of their military? Or their history, hell, even their foreign policies?" Bradford asked incredulously. "They couldn't be more German if you changed the flag!"
"I have, and all of those are in line with old Nordic culture." Curie stated. "Might I add, all of those things fall in line with basic human nature, not just German cultural influence."
Ah, apparently there was some debate here. Richard realized.
"Nordic culture... are you trying to imply that Sweden once took over most of Europe?" Bradford countered.
Curie's expression flickered to one of displeasure. "Well, perhaps not all of it. Have you not read about Gustavus Adolphus?"
"Forgive me if I've been a bit too busy to catch up on my history lessons." Bradford retorted. "I was just thinking that we shouldn't go naming Slaver Camps after yoga moves."
Curie looked genuinely angry for one of the first times Richard could remember. "Just because you lack respect for the French language-"
"Both of you, no fighting in the war room!" Richard commanded, frustrated with how his simple question was rapidly reigniting a pointless debate. "I really don't care how the hell you classify them, as long as whatever you pick is in line with brevity code! You don't need to assign pointless thematics to everything!"
Curie and Bradford both nodded, but it was Bradford who spoke. "Did you try telling that to the pilots?"
"I let them get away with the wizardry-related callsigns because I thought there was little harm in it, plus, it's quite clever." Richard replied. "Besides, names aren't that important, as long as you can pronounce them."
Curie gained a devious look. "Is that why you insist that everyone refer to you as Richard?"
"There are too many Millers!" Richard protested, surprised by her low blow. "There were Fifteen people at Camp Currahee with the last name Miller, I feel like I'm justified with my frustration!"
"Why not 'Dick'?" Bradford asked jokingly.
"There isn't a single letter in 'Dick' that lines up with 'Richard'!" he countered. "If I wanted everyone to call me 'Commander Dick', I feel like the Navy would have some concerns with my transfer request!"
"The 'I' remains in the same place, actually." Curie cheekily pointed out.
Richard leveled a finger at her in frustration, although a smile now adorned his face. "You should know better than to poke fun at me, I took French!"
"Commander, it's not hard to make fun of the French." Bradford pointed out, which earned a chuckle from him, Curie huffed in protest.
"France invented the Conical bullet, Smokeless Powder, the Metric System, even the eventual pattern of the Tank! You make fun of them, but they certainly achieved a lot!" Curie protested.
"You talk about France's intellect, but Germany cut through Belgium three times before they figured out how to avoid it. Oh wait, they didn't, they got integrated into the U.E.G and ceased to exist." Bradford countered.
Goddamn, I forgot about the first time that happened. Richard thought with a chuckle. "Hey now, I thought you were born in the Americas, I figured you'd not want to go that route."
Curie grinned devilishly. "Oh yes, shall we discuss their defeat in the Vietnam War?"
"You lost first!" Bradford protested.
"At least we admitted it to ourselves." Curie countered, to which Bradford only sputtered.
"How... how dare you! America never lost a war!" he eventually summoned.
"Red Cloud's War, the First and Second American Civil war, and-" Curie began.
"Oh come on, the second one didn't count! That was just part of the Rainforest Wars!" Bradford protested.
Ok, this has been fun, but maybe we should draw this to a close. Richard thought. "Hey, no matter what old country we all can trace ourselves to, we're all getting our butts kicked by the Covenant."
"Give me an M1 and let's change that." Bradford muttered.
"The Halftrack? Or the Rifle, or maybe the Submachine Gun? Perhaps you meant the helmet, or the-" Curie began.
"Curie, please, we should get back to work." Richard interrupted.
She grinned. "I happily accept your surrender."
Her hologram vanished before either of them could issue a counterargument.
Author's note: Sometimes I get ideas for short little omakes, most of the time I never complete them, but this time, I decided to go along with it. Let me know what you thought.