Marauders in Hogwarts

by abigdumbidiot

Scenes from the Marauders' days in school. Points of view of various students at Hogwarts in the 1970s as they deal with love, jealousy, and impending war.

2. Fall, 1976

Author's note: Here's my take on the Snape prank. This skips forward a few months after the last chapter, taking place in the first half of the marauders' sixth year at Hogwarts. This ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be, so that's why it took me longer to post. Please leave reviews to let me know what you do/don't enjoy and anything you think I could improve on!

---

Fall, 1976

To an outsider, Sirius's life looked wonderful, but internally he had never felt worse. He was popular, he was near the top of his class, he had a pretty girlfriend. But his closest friends were the only ones who had realized that something had changed in him recently.

It started late last spring, when Snape called Lily a Mudblood that afternoon by the lake. Sirius had never liked Lily all that much, but hearing Snape talk that way, out in the open with such derision, Sirius was reminded so much of his family that he couldn't stand it. It didn't help that that was just after Easter, and Sirius had, against his own better judgment, gone home to see his family for the holiday weekend. From then on he became more cruel when taunting Snape, no longer wanting to embarrass him, but wanting to humiliate him. Marlene even got a little jealous when she thought he was doing this out of some feeling for Lily, but he talked to her about his family and she understood. Marlene was actually a good listener, he thought, and easy to talk to. It worried him a bit, that he might be getting too attached, but he tried not to overthink that.

The past summer had been a nightmare. Sirius had oscillated between ignoring his family and fighting with them over the years, but he could no longer stand them. He picked fights every chance he got. Any time their parents praised Regulus for his grades, Sirius would point out a Muggle-born who had scored higher. He would only wear red and gold clothes around the house, especially if he knew his parents were having guests over. And when there were guests over, he argued with them, too. The one respite was his visits to his friends. He spent a couple days with the Lupins early in the summer, he joined the Pettigrews for dinner one night, and he spent a whole week at the Potters. He even spent a few afternoons with Marlene. They would meet each other in London in August and walk around Diagon Alley together. He never told his parents when he was planning on leaving, of course, which only caused more fights between them.

It wasn't long before his parents banished him to his room. "If you unlock this door," his mother had said, "we'll know you used magic to do so, and we will be obligated to report you to the Ministry." As if his expulsion wouldn't be just as bad for his parents as it would be for him. They couldn't wait for him to finish school and finally become someone else's problem.

So Sirius had spent the final weeks of his summer in his room. He wrote to his friends constantly during this time. James was the only one who knew just how bad things had gotten. The two were such kindred spirits that he never thought twice about telling him everything. James felt more like a brother to him than Regulus; they always saw eye-to-eye and James knew what to say to distract him from his family. His letters to Peter were less revealing; Peter didn't know how to sympathize and tended to insist that Sirius's family really did love him, deep down. His letters to Marlene were also mainly surface-level. He had told her he wouldn't be able to see her again until school started because he had had a bad fight with his parents, and she didn't ask for more details, and he was glad she didn't. He knew that if she asked him what was really happening that he would tell her, and before he knew it he would be telling her everything. The idea of this girl knowing him that well was terrifying to Sirius.

He spent the longest time on his letters to Remus, because he could never decide just how much to say. Remus was a good listener too, and he would sympathize well if Sirius told him how unhappy he was. He still held back, telling himself that Remus had his own problems to be getting on with, but never being able to articulate why exactly he was afraid of Remus knowing too much about his feelings, and never acknowledging that all this was frighteningly similar to how he felt about Marlene.

Now they were back at school, and Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were the only four in the Gryffindor common room. Usually by this point in the year it was gloomy and gray out, but it had stayed sunny well into fall. The rest of their classmates were taking advantage of this extra sunshine, but the Marauders used this as an opportunity to have the common room to themselves at Remus's request.

"I'm telling you, he suspects me," Remus said, avoiding eye contact with anyone. "Honestly, he might already know."

"Snape doesn't know anything. He probably just thinks we're sneaking out to drink or something," said James with a shrug.

Sirius frowned. "That idiot… he's always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong." He shook his head. "It's going to get him in trouble one of these days," he added.

James and Peter exchanged nervous glances with one another as he said this. Desperate to keep everyone cool, Peter immediately said, "I agree with Prongs! I'm sure everything will be alright, just don't worry."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Remus said as he looked out the window. He felt like if he looked any of his friends in the eyes he might start crying. He felt so childish sometimes. None of the Marauders had ever cried in front of each other, and Remus was not planning on being the first.

"Listen, you know that even if he did figure out anything, Dumbledore would never let him tell anyone," said James. Then, sensing that Remus was more upset than he was letting on, he decided to change the subject. "Anyway, did you see him at Hogsmeade with Charlotte last weekend?" He pretended to shudder. "Snape has plenty of his own problems to be worrying about besides yours, Moony."

"Wait, why? What happened?" asked Peter.

"Oh, it was painfully awkward. Emily and I were a couple booths away from them at The Three Broomsticks and I swear, they barely spoke at all to each other. I heard her try and start a conversation a couple times, and then he would just like, shrug and mutter something, and she wouldn't know what else to say."

"Jesus. That is awkward. I actually feel bad for Charlotte, she's always seemed nice."

"Nice? Moony, she's a Slytherin." Sirius said with disdain.

Remus rolled his eyes. "The world isn't split between nice people and Slytherins, Padfoot."

"It might as well be."

"Whatever. Anyway I think Snape probably still has a thing for Lily."

"You think?" James said. "He's obsessed with her. It's pathetic."

The other three looked at one another and immediately started laughing.

"Shut up!" James said, holding back his own laughter. "I barely liked her. And I'm completely over her now."

"Sure you are," said Peter.

"What's that supposed to mean? Of course I am!"

"No, he's right, Wormtail, I think he is probably over her," said Sirius. "But you definitely didn't 'barely' like her."

"Did you guys hear that Lily walked right up to the Shrieking Shack last weekend? She touched the front door!" Peter sounded genuinely impressed.

Sirius laughed. "You make it sound like that was such a brave thing to do. You know there's nothing in there. At least not twenty-nine days of the month," he said with a smile directed to Remus.

Peter blushed, muttering, "Well, she doesn't know that."

"Anyway, how is it going between you and Emily, eh Prongs? I think not too well if you were able to pay such close attention to Snape bombing with Charlotte."

"Oh, it was okay," James said. "She was the one who pointed them out to me, we kept glancing back at them to see if it was going better. It was funny. Emily's cool, I guess."

"What about you? I didn't see you at Hogsmeade last weekend." Peter said to Sirius.

Remus sighed. "Don't ask him that. He's dying for any opportunity to gloat."

"Gloat about what?" asked James.

"I don't gloat, Moony, Jesus." Sirius said with mock offense. "I'm a gentleman."

"Yeah, well, you told me, like, twenty minutes after it happened, and you wouldn't shut up about it, and I never asked you to tell me anything."

"Look. I had to tell someone, and you just happened to be the first person I ran into. It's not like I put an ad in the newspaper. I didn't talk about it with anyone else."

"You sure as shit didn't tell me. Can you please tell me what you guys are talking about?" James said, annoyed.

Remus and Sirius looked at one another, and then Sirius gestured to Remus to tell the news. Remus rolled his eyes. "Padfoot and Marlene did not go to Hogsmeade this weekend. They stayed here in the dorm while everyone else went away."

Peter was the only one who didn't understand. "What, you just stayed inside all day? Why would you miss a Hogsmeade weekend just to hang out here?"

"You idiot, they didn't just hang out here," said James. He turned to Sirius. "So this happened four whole days ago and you didn't tell me anything? When were you going to mention it?"

"Don't blame me! Marlene didn't want everyone to know. She made me promise not to tell you guys."

"And you kept that promise for a whole twenty minutes."

"You don't count, Moony, you never tell secrets."

"I wouldn't have told anyone either, you know that." James said. "I've never told your secrets. You didn't have to keep it from me."

Sirius could see that James really was hurt. "Sorry. You're right. I know that you wouldn't have told."

Peter looked back and forth at his friends. "Well, I definitely won't tell." he said indignantly. "No need to worry about me spilling the beans since I still have no fucking clue what we're talking about."

"Padfoot and Marlene had sex."

Peter's eyes widened. "Oh." He nodded. "So that's why you didn't go to Hogsmeade."

"So, er, how was it?" James asked awkwardly.

Sirius shrugged. "Not bad." He said it casually, but James couldn't help but notice that Sirius was holding back a smile.

They sat in silence for a few moments, and then the first few Gryffindors started filing into the common room. None of the four of them had noticed, but while they were talking, the sky had gone overcast, and it had started to rain. The boys took out books and started working on their homework. Soon the common room was full.

Sirius saw Marlene walk in. He caught her eye and smiled, and she smiled back, but she didn't come over to join them. This was one of his favorite things about her. Marlene didn't need to be around him all the time the way that some girls were with their boyfriends. Diane had been like that. But Marlene understood that sometimes Sirius just liked to hang out with his own friends, and Marlene had her own friends, too, so it worked out perfectly. In a slightly awkward twist, one of her friends was actually Mary, but Sirius and Mary had only been a couple for a few weeks in their third year, so neither of them had any hard feelings about it. They had only kissed twice, and those two times barely counted because they weren't even real kisses, each one had lasted about a second. Even so, she had been his first girlfriend, and his first kiss too, so he felt a little embarrassed around her, and they never talked anymore.

---

The moment Marlene walked into the common room and saw those four boys sitting together, she knew Sirius had told. She had known he would eventually, so she wasn't angry. If anything she was surprised that he had held out for as long as he did. Marlene didn't want to bother him since he was hanging out with his friends, but she was glad to see that they all appeared to be in good humor. Sirius had been a bit moody lately. He had told her about some of his family problems, and Marlene didn't like to pry, but she knew that it was worse than he made it out to be. She sat down next to Mary and Lily and opened up a notebook.

"What are you working on?" Lily asked.

"Oh nothing. I'm just doodling."

"Well, you should be worried about Charms. The exam is only two weeks away, you know, and I'm not letting you borrow my notes this time."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Really, Lily, I asked you that one time. Stop making it out as if I'm always asking for your notes."

"I'm in the same boat as you, Lene. I'll worry about Charms next week." Mary said, closing her textbook.

Lily scoffed. "Well, I actually do want to study, so just don't distract me, alright?"

Marlene and Mary shared a glance. They had talked about Lily with each other before, and how she could become so self-absorbed whenever it came to her studies, as if she was the only one taking classes or worried about grades. It was best for them to maintain a safe distance when she got like this. Mary and Marlene had always been a bit closer with each other than with Lily, but none of them had ever stated this explicitly, of course. Lily was a nice addition to the group, and she could be really fun at times when she wasn't acting like a teacher, scolding them for not studying enough.

"We'll just pass notes then," Mary said, ripping a page out of her notebook and picking up a quill. "That way we won't bother you." She leaned back in her chair as she wrote, clearly making an effort to turn the paper away from Lily so she couldn't glance at it. Marlene was annoyed at Mary for this. By trying to hide the notes from Lily it would only make it more obvious that they were going to be writing about her. Mary struggled with subtlety. Fortunately, Lily seemed too engrossed in her Charms book to be paying too much attention. Mary passed the note to Marlene.

She is driving me crazy! Tell me it's not just me — Mary

Of course not, but be more casual! If you keep trying so hard to hide the paper she'll know we're writing about her — Lene

Sorry. Hey I missed you at Hogsmeade last weekend. Everything okay between you and Sirius? — Mary

Marlene smiled when she saw this. She hadn't told her friends that she had slept with Sirius. It would have been awkward to talk about it with Lily, and with Mary… Well, Marlene knew that Mary still had a soft spot for Sirius. She wasn't jealous because she knew that Sirius wasn't interested in Mary, and she knew that Mary was a good friend and would never try to come between them, but she generally didn't mention her relationship around Mary, just to avoid any potential hurt feelings.

There was another reason why Marlene didn't want her friends to know. The more people who knew, the more likely that word would get out among the student body in general. Mary meant well, but she had never been great at keeping secrets, so if Mary knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone did. Marlene thought back to a few years prior, when Filch had caught two sixth-year Ravenclaws together in an empty broom closet. On top of their detentions they had been the laughingstock for a month, the girl especially. Marlene was mortified by the thought. She liked her relationship with Sirius, and she liked that it was something just between the two of them, and she didn't want everyone else weighing in with their opinions and ruining it.

Yeah everything's fine. We just hung out here. Did you have fun? — Lene

Oh yeah we had a good time. We spent most of the afternoon at The Three Broomsticks, and after that we walked around a bit and Lily went right up to the Shrieking Shack! She even touched the front door! — Mary

Marlene was aghast. It was a common occurrence for their classmates to walk up to the Shrieking Shack during Hogsmeade trips, but it was usually younger boys who would dare each other to get close to the house. If they made it to the front porch they always sprinted back to their friends as if they were being chased, but they would aggrandize the story later on to make it sound as if they had defeated a giant barehanded.

Marlene began to write a reply when Lily closed her book with a huff. "Well, I can't concentrate."

Mary sighed. "Sorry, Lily, we'll —"

"Oh no, it's not you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" Lily took a deep breath. "You didn't do anything wrong. I just can't concentrate."

Marlene noticed Lily sneak a glance at James as she said this. She broke into a wide grin. "Oh no. Don't tell me it's him."

"What? Who?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, who?" asked Lily, feigning ignorance. "I don't know who you're talking about."

"You don't? Oh, my mistake. So you weren't staring at James just now."

"Shhh!" Lily hissed, as Mary and Marlene dissolved into giggles. Lily looked around anxiously. "Shut up! Anyone could overhear!"

"Oh please Lily, it's not like it's a government secret." said Mary. "You think we don't know?"

"There's nothing to know, honest! Alright, I barely liked him, just for a bit, but it was only because I knew he liked me. But he doesn't like me anymore anyway so it doesn't matter now." Lily leaned in and lowered her voice. "Seriously, I don't care or anything but… he was all over Emily at The Three Broomsticks last weekend. Mary, you saw him, right?"

Mary looked from Lily to Marlene. She didn't know what to say. "I mean, they held hands," she said. "I don't know if he was all over her or anything. It looked like they were mostly talking and laughing. I wasn't paying that much attention, though," she added the last sentence hastily as she caught Lily's eye.

Lily turned to Marlene. "Believe me, it was obscene."

"Well, it's weird you say that," Marlene said. "Because I heard that Emily's been worried lately that they're going to break up."

"What?" Lily gasped. "Who told you that?"

"Claire Albany in Ravenclaw. She said that Emily's been talking about it a lot."

"Well that's just…" Lily tried to hold back her smile and failed. She shrugged. "Whatever. I don't care."

Mary nodded. "Yeah. It really seems like you don't care."

Even Lily laughed at that one.

---

Of course Marlene had been the one to notice, Lily thought. Marlene paid attention.

Lily did care about James, of course, but she was too proud to do anything about it. She really had hated James last spring. To ask her out while bullying Severus and to do it in front of half the class was just so mortifying for everyone involved. She hated him, but she loved being desired by him. The social capital that came along with being the object of a desperate crush was a high that she had never experienced the likes of before. Anytime she walked into the dining hall and James was there, she would whine to her friends, "Can we please sit as far from him as possible?" She made a show of avoiding him. She complained about him to her friends, about how annoying he was, so desperate, so embarrassing, and she wished he would just move on. Lily lived for this.

But then James did move on, and now he was dating Emily Sheridan, a Ravenclaw in their year, and Lily felt like an idiot for going on so much about how he was obsessed with her. She felt like one of those girls who assumes that every boy who pays any attention to her is in love.

Lily wasn't completely inexperienced with boys, but she often felt like she was. In her fourth year, Connor Addison, a nice Hufflepuff boy two years ahead of her, had taken a liking to Lily. He would walk with her to classes and offer to carry her books. One night they had gone for a walk around the grounds after dark, lit only by the full moon. He asked her if she was afraid of the dark, and she said no, which was a lie, and then he asked her if she was afraid of werewolves, which made her laugh. She pretended to be having fun but truthfully she was terrified of getting caught, and even when he started kissing her while they sat down next to the lake, Lily hated that she had to close her eyes, because that meant that she couldn't watch out to see if any teachers were on the grounds who might get them in trouble. Their walk had been cut short when they saw a person hurrying away from the Whomping Willow. Lily was certain that they were about to get caught and insisted they go back inside. From the distance she couldn't tell who it was, but Connor swore it was Madam Pomfrey. "What would Madam Pomfrey be doing hanging around the Whomping Willow late at night?" Lily asked. Connor had shrugged. "I don't know. I don't see why anyone would be hanging around the Whomping Willow at any time." He didn't kiss her goodnight when they parted ways inside the castle. She knew that he could sense how nervous she had been the whole time they had been out, and she wondered if he had interpreted that as lack of interest, or worse, that he knew all too well that she was just scared to break the rules, and he thought less of her for it. Either way, Lily went back to her dorm feeling like she had failed a test. Connor was still nice to her after that night, but he never walked her to class again.

This is what was going through her mind all while she and Mary and Marlene chatted about their classes and exams. They needed top marks because they all planned to fight with the Order after leaving Hogwarts. If it weren't for the war, Lily would have liked to be a professor, ideally in Potions. That had always been her favorite subject. All three of them, however, felt a sense of duty to fight. Lily and Mary were both Muggleborns, and Marlene was a Half-Blood. Even if they wanted to avoid fighting, they wouldn't be safe until Voldemort was defeated.

Lily didn't understand how war worked in the magical world. Not that it made much sense in the Muggle world either, but at least she had a better frame of reference for that. Her father and grandfather had both fought in Muggle wars. They never spoke of it. Sometimes she even forgot this about them, to the point that when Lily learned about those battles as a child in her old Muggle school, she never thought about the fact that she knew people who had been there. She wondered if that would be her someday, if her children would read about this war for a homework assignment and forget that their mother had been there and had fought for them, because she never talked to them about it. She wondered whether she would discuss any of it with her future children. Probably not, she thought. From what she had heard was happening out there, she assumed she probably wouldn't want to talk about it.

---

The next day during Potions class, Peter and Lily were paired together to work on Healing Draughts. As they chopped and mixed their ingredients, Peter talked to Lily about Sirius, who had cut class that day. Talking to Lily never made him nervous, the way he sometimes felt talking to other girls. She could be intimidating, sure, but only with people who had intimidated her first, and Peter had never intimidated her at all, so she was always pleasant with him. He asked her if she had noticed Sirius being weird lately. When she asked how so, he had a hard time explaining himself. "I don't know… angrier, I guess? Less fun."

"Hmm," Lily thought for a moment. "No, I haven't really noticed anything."

"Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's just because I hang out with him more, but he's been off."

"I guess I've seen him studying more," she said, and Peter agreed. "And he's spending more time with Marlene, which she's been happy about."

Peter laughed a little when she said that. Lily didn't understand why.

Peter wasn't sure how to say that Sirius had been studying more, but only for Defense Against the Dark Arts, obsessively poring over books on defense spells in his spare time. He was borrowing James's cloak and going on late walks around the castle almost every night. James and Peter agreed that they were pretty sure he hadn't been sleeping, or if he was, only for an hour or two.

Professor Slughorn walked around the classroom, observing each pair as they worked. He paused at Mary's and Remus's table, making a tsk sound as he observed their progress. "Remember, students, you must finish steps one through nine by the end of class! If the bubotuber pus isn't incorporated before leaving it to stew, your potions will be useless."

Lily eyed the chalkboard before adding more ingredients. "Well, you're a nice friend for worrying about him."

"Eh, I don't know. I'm sure he doesn't think that," he said, with a small smile.

"Well, I do." Her eyes met his, and he turned away instinctively, embarrassed.

Seeing him blush made Lily embarrassed, too. "Why do you hang out with those guys anyway?" she asked.

"They're good people Lily, you know that. They're my friends. You just don't know them that well."

"I don't need to know them that well, I see them every day, and Sirius and James are always picking fights. Remus and you are too nice for them, you shouldn't be following them around like groupies—"

"Shut up," Peter snapped. Lily had never seen him so annoyed before. "James and Sirius get carried away, but they're just going for a laugh, they never mean any harm. They care about their friends."

Lily looked at her feet. "Whatever. Sorry."

The rest of the class passed quietly. Peter felt dumb after Lily called out his friends. He knew as well as anyone that James and Sirius could be mean, and he knew that he was often pathetic around them, but they were all he had. They had certainly overlooked plenty of his own faults, so he wasn't about to spend too much time dwelling on theirs.

"Good work, glad to see everyone caught up," said Slughorn as the bell rang. "Now, if you'll please leave your cauldrons in the far corner of the room. After next Sunday's full moon we'll be able to move on to steps ten through fourteen."

After Potions was Care of Magical Creatures, which was out on the grounds, and it was starting to get chilly. Peter made his way back to Gryffindor tower and up to the boys dormitory to grab his scarf before heading outside. He was surprised to see Sirius, who was sitting up in his bed and reading a book.

"Alright, Wormtail?" he said as Peter entered the room.

"Not bad. Why are you in here? It's two in the afternoon; we have class."

Sirius shrugged and held up his book, showing the title: Necessary Defensive Spells for Dueling.

"What, you got a duel coming up?" Peter said, smirking slightly, but when he saw that Sirius didn't laugh, he felt his stomach drop. "You…you aren't dueling anyone, are you? I mean seriously mate, Snape's not worth it—"

"Not Snape," Sirius interjected immediately. "It's just—it's nothing. It doesn't matter." Peter stood there, staring at him. "Fine," Sirius sighed. "It's not Snape, it's my brother."

"Oh." Peter never knew what to say about Sirius's family problems. He was an only child himself, so he couldn't relate, and he always felt strange saying anything bad about other people's siblings. "What did he do?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did Reg do to make you challenge him to a duel?"

Sirius closed his book defiantly. "I didn't challenge him to do anything. He challenged me. I don't want anything to do with him. I'd happily never talk to him again, alright?"

"Okay, sorry," Peter said, holding up his hands defensively. "What did you do to make him challenge you to a duel, then?"

"I told him I'm never going back to that house again. He wanted me to apologize to my parents for some stuff that happened this summer and he said that I wouldn't be welcome this Christmas until I said sorry, so I told him that I wasn't sorry and wasn't going home for Christmas or ever again."

"Oh." Peter half understood. He could easily imagine how it felt to be surrounded by people who didn't want you there, and he knew how much worse that was than being alone. "And that's when he challenged you? Because you said you wouldn't say sorry or go home?"

"Well, I said some other stuff too, but… yeah, I guess."

"When are you going to do it?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Just James. He's been helping me practice."

Peter sighed. "You know, Sirius…" Peter looked at his friend, and he knew it'd be useless to tell him not to go through with it. "Just be careful, okay?"

"Of course. You know me."

"Exactly."

Sirius smiled and kept reading while Peter walked away.

---

Just a couple days earlier, Regulus was awake in his dormitory at two in the morning, reading Dueling Directions for Dark Wizards. He was determined to finish the chapter before he fell asleep, and he was nearly there, and then suddenly he felt himself waking up, sunlight streaming on his face, his open book resting face-down across his chest. He looked at his watch and realized he barely had time to make it to his first class, but thankfully Potions was in the dungeons, so he didn't have far to go from the Slytherin dorm.

Regulus didn't take in anything from his Potions class that morning, and he was still groggy during Transfiguration and History of Magic, too. In History class, he actually fell asleep for a bit. Binns didn't notice anything, of course, but Regulus woke up with a jolt when he heard some Hufflepuff girls giggling behind him.

After his classes he went back to the common room to study dueling spells. The only open seat was one next to Severus, a greasy-haired boy one year ahead of him, who noticed the book he was reading.

"Dueling Directions for Dark Wizards? Is that from the Restricted Section of the library?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah, it is. I got a note from Binns a couple weeks ago, told him I was researching historical dueling methods."

Severus nodded. "I tried to get a note from Flitwick to check that out a couple years ago. I should've known Binns would've been a better bet. Who are you dueling?"

"My brother, Sirius," Regulus said. "He's actually in your year, he's a Gryffindor—"

Snape scoffed. "Yeah, I know him," he said, and then immediately regretted it. "Sorry, we've had some classes together, that's all."

Regulus chuckled. "It's alright, you can't hate him more than I do."

"Seriously?" Snape said with a relieved smile. "Wanna bet?"

They were friends after that.

Severus helped Regulus practice for his duel a few times. He even taught Regulus a new spell that he had created himself, one that essentially acted as a knife and would slash at the enemy. Regulus doubted he would need a curse this strong, but he practiced it anyway, slicing up pillows in the process. Regulus excelled at offensive spells, but he had barely worked on defensive spells at all. Severus told him that if he simply did a good enough Expelliarmus spell, then the duel would be over quickly, but Regulus shook his head. He didn't want it over immediately. He wanted to fight with his brother, and he knew his brother would want the same thing.

Regulus didn't even care that much that his brother was a blood-traitor. Honestly, Regulus wasn't all that concerned with blood purity either. He cared a little bit, of course, because it had been drilled in his skull from the time he was a child. But mainly he knew that it was important to his family. His parents were cold and distant, but he found at a young age that the more he talked about how proud he was to be a Pure-blood, the warmer they became. Regulus had only ever been desperate to win their mum's and dad's approval, and it made no sense to him why his brother would insist on pushing them away. He saw the way his friends were with their parents, hugging and laughing, and he ached to feel the same thing. They could have been a nice, happy family, but Sirius ruined any chance of that, Regulus thought. When all four members of the Black family were home at the same time, the house felt strangely empty. They stayed in their own rooms and avoided interacting with one another. It was only when Sirius was gone that the house felt full.

Regulus hadn't even wanted to duel Sirius in the first place, but the second they started talking, he could feel his face burning with anger. He had stopped Sirius in the hallway between classes, and Sirius had awkwardly avoided eye contact. "What do you want?" Sirius had said.

"It's - it's nothing," Regulus responded. He had planned this moment in his mind, he knew what he wanted to say, but now he was at a loss for words. "It's just… well, Mum told me she's still upset about last summer, especially—" Sirius rolled his eyes at this, but Regulus continued, "—especially when the Lestranges were over, and you—"

"And I wouldn't just sit there and listen to their bullshit, like you would?" Sirius said, still not looking at his brother.

Regulus could feel himself flushing. "Look, if you don't say sorry, Mum and Dad said that they don't want you back home for Christmas."

Sirius finally did meet Regulus's eyes, but his glare was icy and mean. "You think I want to go back there for Christmas? You think I plan on going back there ever again? Then you're stupider than I thought, Reg, and that's saying something."

"Shut up," Regulus snarled. "Shut up, I was trying to help you, and you're just—"

"Help me?" Sirius gave a sarcastic laugh. "If you want to help me, you'll never speak to me in public again. I don't want anything to do with any of you."

"Why do you have to be like this? I'm just trying to—"

"You're pathetic. You really are, do you realize that?" Sirius was moving closer to Regulus now, advancing toward him with each sentence. "You disgust me. You think you're so smart and superior with all your Pure-blood shit. And you actually believe them, don't you? Mummy and Daddy said you're born special and now you really think you are."

"It's not about that!" Regulus struggled to keep his voice down. People walking past could tell they were arguing and he didn't want to make a scene. "Listen, we're family, and we have to—"

"I don't have to do anything," Sirius spat. "You're no family of mine. Never have been, never will be."

Tears of rage filled Regulus's eyes. "I hate you, Sirius," he muttered. "I really do. I hate you so fucking much."

"I assure you it's mutual. Now is there anything else or are you done ruining my day?"

Regulus's fists were clenched at his sides. He wanted to hit Sirius then and there. In fact, looking back he couldn't figure out why he didn't. Instead, he said, "Not yet. I'm going to duel you." It sounded so stupid coming out of his mouth, but he couldn't think of any other way to say it. Sirius laughed.

"What, right now?"

"No. We'll do it Friday at midnight. In the Forbidden Forest."

"Fine. I'll see you there."

Both stormed off in opposite directions.

The night of the duel, Regulus waited at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, itching with anticipation. He looked at his watch. It was 11:58. There was still no sign of Sirius, and Regulus had been pacing between the trees for nearly twenty minutes by that point. He had been secretly hoping that his brother wouldn't show up at all. As the duel grew closer, Regulus grew more and more anxious. By 12:03, he was already thinking that they might not have to go through with it after all. Two minutes later, though, he saw a dark figure nearing him across the grounds. Sirius didn't stop or even slow down as he passed him, but he simply proceeded straight into the forest. Regulus watched him walk by and was unsure of what to say.

"There's a clearing a little farther in," Sirius said without turning around. Regulus jogged to catch up with him.

Sirius was right. Regulus wondered how his brother knew that there was a clearing here, he couldn't have spent that much time in the forest, but he didn't ask questions.

They each stood at opposite ends of the clearing. Sirius raised his wand, saying, "Are you ready to count?" and Regulus reminded him, "We need to bow first."

They couldn't see one another from this far away but Regulus was certain that his brother rolled his eyes. After bowing, Regulus said, "Now we count."

They raised their wands and spoke at the same time: "One… two… three."

At once there were yells and two flashes of light. Sirius had managed to repel his opponent's spell so that it fired back at Regulus. Stunned, Regulus flew backwards and hit his back against a tree. Unable to admit defeat, he stood up immediately.

"You done now?" Sirius sneered.

"No!"

Another flash of light illuminated the forest. Regulus hit his brother with a babbling curse this time, deciding not to do anything too painful in case it was reflected back at him again. Sirius tried to fire back but uttered nonsense instead of his intended spell, and nothing happened. Regulus took this opportunity to hit him again.

"Sectumsempra!"

Then Regulus saw that Sirius was on the ground. He had performed the spell better than he expected; the first few times he tried it, it would only scratch the upholstery of the pillows in the Slytherin common room, but clearly he had managed to use this spell to slice Sirius multiple times across his torso. Sirius was lying face-up on the ground, bleeding profusely, panic in his eyes as the color drained from his face. He seemed unsure how to proceed. He put his hands on one of the cuts, apparently in an attempt to apply pressure to the wound, but winced severely.

Regulus stood over his brother's body for a moment to survey the damage. He only said one thing before he turned and walked away.

"Now I'm done."

---

Remus was awake and full of dread. Sirius had told them all earlier that day that he was definitely going through with the duel. He told them where he was going to meet his brother in the Forbidden Forest and said that if he wasn't back by one, someone should go check on him. James had immediately offered to accompany him, "I'll wear the cloak, he won't know I'm there," but Sirius refused. He insisted that he would be fine, saying that Reg couldn't duel to save his life. "Anyway, I just need to do this on my own," he said.

They didn't wait until one. At midnight they were sitting on the floor of their dormitory, watching their map until they saw that spot in the forest where Regulus waited. Sirius's dot met him there and the two dots moved farther into the forest, until they were at the very edge of the map. The three boys sat and watched the two dots move across from one another and then suddenly, too suddenly, Regulus's dot darted back to the castle, while Sirius's remained where it was, unmoving.

They all huddled under the cloak, their ankles and feet clearly visible, but with the help of their map they avoided Filch. Remus's stomach sank as they walked, but even his worst expectations weren't as bad as what he saw.

"Oh my God, oh my God," Peter muttered upon seeing Sirius's bleeding body on the forest floor. James said nothing but immediately pulled out his wand. They had only briefly studied healing charms, but he knew enough to slow the bleeding. Remus briefly remembered the healing potions they had been working on, but they wouldn't be ready yet, and even if they were, he wasn't confident enough in his Potions skills that he'd be willing to risk using his own healing draught in this scenario. He and James each put one arm around Sirius as they made their way to the hospital wing, Peter trailing behind, panicking.

Thankfully Madam Pomfrey never asked too many questions. Remus gave a half-assed explanation of an animal attack, but she simply waved the boys away, focusing on Sirius. She assured them that he would heal, but it might take time. "These wounds look… cursed," she said. "Come back tomorrow. He'll need rest when I'm done healing the cuts."

After a mostly sleepless night, the boys went straight down to the hospital wing before breakfast. They were immediately relieved to see their friend sitting up in bed with a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him.

"Alright, guys?" Sirius said as they walked in.

He was acting as if nothing had happened; he waved away their concerned questions with a casual flick of his hand, saying that he was fine, that it was just Madam Pomfrey insisting that he stay a little longer. "I'll be back this afternoon, I'm sure of it." But even as he spoke, Remus noticed his friend was suppressing winces, and he still looked quite pale.

James was the only one who had the courage to ask about the duel. Sirius hesitated before responding. "Yeah, it was worse than I thought it would be." They waited, thinking he might go on, but he didn't.

James changed the subject to start talking about how he thought the upcoming Quidditch game against Hufflepuff would go, what with their new Keeper. Remus and Peter took this as their cue to head back to Gryffindor tower. They walked past Emily, who pretended like she didn't see them as they passed. Peter had made a vain attempt at a wave, but had self-consciously adjusted it to a stretch when she didn't respond. Remus suppressed a smile as he saw him do this.

"Did you not hear? James broke up with Emily two days ago."

"Really?" Peter looked surprised. "Weird. I thought he really liked her."

Remus shrugged. "Guess not that much."

Back in the common room, Remus and Peter hung out, working on homework and chatting. Peter wasn't always Remus's favorite person to hang out with, especially in comparison with James and Sirius. Everything those two did was effortless, and in contrast, Peter's every action was effortful. His every motive was always apparent. He was predictable and awkward. Since James and Sirius were so close, however, Remus and Peter often were paired together by default. They had spent many afternoons together in the common room when their two other friends were in detention, or doing something that would get them put in detention. They had become closer this way, but today Peter just wanted to gossip about James and Emily. Remus wasn't interested. He thought Emily was nice, but he didn't really care that much whether his friend dated her. He wondered if Peter was interested in Emily. Remus was a generally observant person, but this was his blind spot. He never knew who had crushes on whom. He was constantly surprised by people who ended up dating each other. From his point of view, his class consisted of multiple random pairings of people who didn't seem to have much in common.

After they got lunch together, Remus told Peter that he had to stop in the library, saying it in a way that implied he'd be right back so Peter wouldn't ask to join him. In reality Remus sat down there and read for a few hours. He was tired from not sleeping the night before and from worrying about Sirius, and he wanted to be alone for a bit.

Next thing he knew he was waking up, slightly disoriented, still in the library. He didn't even realize how late it was until he heard his stomach rumbling and figured he must have missed dinner, so he stopped by the kitchens before heading back to the common room. Remus had never gone to the kitchens on his own, but he had accompanied James, Sirius, and Peter enough times that he knew exactly where it was. After walking in through the secret entrance, a shrill voice came from a creature that stood waist-high to him.

"Good evening, sir!" the voice squeaked. "Tibby is pleased to see Remus here tonight. Can Tibby make Remus some tea?"

"No, thanks Tibby," said Remus awkwardly. He never got used to the way that the house elves were so eager to serve him. "But do you have any leftovers from dinner? I'll take that if you have it, you don't need to make something fresh or anything."

"Of course! Tibby has nothing leftover from dinner, sir, but Tibby has just made shepherd's pie for Remus's friend, and it is still warm!" The house elf was already bringing a plate of food over as he spoke.

"Thank you, really," Remus said as he took the plate. He had been so hungry he hadn't really listened to Tibby, but now with the hot food filling his stomach, he realized what he had just heard. "Wait, sorry, which one of my friends was down here? They must have just left if you still have this food ready."

Tibby nodded and said, "Yes, Remus's friend Severus was here not twenty minutes ago."

Remus nearly choked on his food. "What? Severus? Wh-why would you say he's my friend?"

"Severus talks about Remus," Tibby said. "Severus seems very worried about Remus, because Severus said he notices that Remus gets ill often, and Severus is concerned that Remus and his friends roam around the school after dark."

Remus was in shock. "He… he said all that? Why was he talking to you about me and my friends?"

"Oh, Tibby was being silly, you see," Tibby shook his head with a light laugh. "Tibby saw a thin boy with long black hair and Tibby thought it was Sirius at first. After Tibby said, 'Hello, Sirius!' then Tibby saw his mistake." The house elf paused to think for a moment, and then said, "The boy did not seem happy that Tibby mistakenly called him Sirius. Tibby thinks it must be because his name is Severus, and the names are so similar."

"Okay, so he just came in here for food and then started talking about us after you confused him with Sirius?"

"Tibby does not think he came in for food, in fact. When Tibby called him the wrong name, Severus asked if Sirius is down here often. Severus did not know what he would find behind the portrait, Tibby thinks, because he was surprised to find us elves, but Severus said he had seen Sirius and his friends come down this way before. Tibby thinks Severus must be looking for Sirius and his friends."

Remus could feel the blood rush out of his face. Had Snape been following the Marauders around school? What else had he seen? How much did he know?

"Tibby," Remus said slowly, desperately trying to maintain his calm. "What else did he say about my friends and I?"

Tibby paused, mulling it over. "Severus did not say much, sir. He was in a hurry to leave after Tibby brought him the pie. Severus did not stay long to chat, not like Remus and his friends." Tibby looked sad as he said this, and it made Remus pity him. "Severus asked if Tibby knew what Sirius and Remus and James and Peter do around the castle. Tibby told Severus he does not know what they do elsewhere in Hogwarts, but he knows when they come to the kitchen they eat hot food and tell Tibby funny stories."

This news made Remus let out a little sigh of relief. Of course Tibby didn't know anything about his condition, so it's not like he could tell Snape the truth. Still, it worried him to know that Snape had seen them down here, and it made him wonder what else he could have caught them doing.

"That's… okay, then. So that's all? He wondered what we do down here, and he said he had seen us around the castle at night? Nothing more?"

Tibby shook his head. "Nothing more. Tibby wonders if Severus is a new friend, because Tibby has not seen the boys with Severus before."

Remus shrugged. "Not really a friend, to be honest. We're not close with him."

Tibby appeared relieved at this news. He leaned in toward Remus and said quietly, "Tibby is happy to hear that. Tibby did not think Severus was a very nice boy. Not like Remus and his friends."

Remus smiled and thanked him. He left the kitchen, still full of dread, and found himself walking to the hospital wing. He looked at his watch. It was only 10:30, so he knew Sirius would still be awake. He walked quickly and quietly, managing to avoid both Filch and Mrs. Norris, and arrived in the hospital wing to find his friend awake and reading in bed.

"Hey, are you still up?" Remus whispered, looking around the room to make sure no one was listening. Sirius's was the only bed filled, luckily, and Madam Pomfrey would have gone to sleep by now, so he knew as long as they didn't talk too loudly they should be safe.

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Sirius put his book away. Remus sat down at the end of the bed.

"Nothing, sorry." Suddenly Remus had no idea why he came to see Sirius this late. He could have headed up to the common room and talked to James or Peter. It was stupid of him to be out past curfew to complain about Snape, something that he could do anywhere and at any time of day. "I just wanted to talk about Snape, that's all. I don't know why I bothered you."

"Not bothering me, mate," said Sirius. "It's boring as hell just sitting in this bed all day. What did he do now?"

Remus hesitated. He had had versions of this conversation with his friends so many times before, him despairing that someone had figured out his secret, them reassuring him that nobody knew. He felt repetitive and self-absorbed for bringing it up, but he couldn't help it. "Well, I was in the kitchens, talking to Tibby, and—"

"How's Tibby?"

"—Thriving, and he said that Snape had been down there just earlier tonight."

"Really?" Sirius looked surprised. "I didn't think anyone else knew how to get into the kitchens besides us."

"That's the thing," Remus said, forlorn. "He knows the way because of us. Tibby said Snape had seen us going down to the kitchens before and went in to see what we were up to, and then when he got there he realized it was just the kitchens, I guess, but still. This means he's been following us around. I don't know what else he might have seen."

A flash of rage passed over Sirius's face, but in an instant it was gone, replaced by pity after he saw the despair in Remus's eyes. "We've talked about this before, Moony. If anyone finds out, especially Snape, he's not going to keep us guessing about whether or not he knows. He would use it to try to blackmail us, sure, or he would tell the whole school maybe, but the point is, he wouldn't keep it to himself. If Snape knew, we would know that he knew."

"I know that, but if he's following us, he might be getting closer to figuring it out."

Sirius shook his head. "I mean, I don't like that he's following us, that's for sure." Remus could see the rage back in his friend's face. "Honestly, I almost wish he did find out, the hard way. Maybe coming face-to-face with a full blown werewolf would teach him how to mind his business."

Remus shuddered. "Don't even joke," he said.

"Sorry," Sirius said. Remus noticed that Sirius was blushing in the moonlight, which was unusual. Sirius never got embarrassed.

"It's fine. How have you been feeling today? I know your cuts hurt more than you say they do, so don't lie," Remus added.

Sirius smiled. "I really am doing fine. Alright, I felt like shit this morning," they both laughed, "but it's gotten better as the day's gone on. Honest, look," he lifted the hem of his shirt to show Remus a constellation of scars across his stomach. It didn't look great, but Remus had enough experience with wounds to know that they were healing alright. "This is a major improvement. It looked a lot worse even just this afternoon," Sirius said.

"Well, that's good," Remus said. "You're right, it doesn't look too bad. Hey, did Madam Pomfrey or Dumbledore or anyone ask you who did it?"

Sirius scoffed. "Pomfrey hinted at it, but I didn't tell her anything. She didn't pry though, you know how she is. I don't really want to talk about him though. I think I'm officially done with wanting to think about him at all."

"Oh, sorry." Remus felt foolish for bringing it up.

"It's okay," Sirius said. They sat in silence for a minute. Sirius leaned forward toward Remus and said, "You know, we match now."

"What?"

"Our scars." Sirius was very close to Remus now, and talking much more quietly. Remus thought it was weird that he would be whispering now, and he wondered if Sirius might have heard Filch in the corridor. "I've seen your scars before, remember? Now I have ones that match."

Sirius had never brought up the fact that he had seen Remus's scarred body before. Remus wasn't sure how to respond to this. "Right," he said.

"Remus, why did you come to see me so late?" Sirius was even closer to him now, their faces were inches apart, and Remus was nearly certain that he had not heard anyone stirring, not in Madam Pomfrey's office and not in the corridor, so why would Sirius be so near to him, why was he whispering, why was he acting so strange? "Why are you here?"

"I… I don't know," Remus said, and it was true, he had no idea.

"I do," Sirius said, and though the hospital wing was lit only by the moonlight Remus could see that Sirius had closed his eyes and moved his face toward Remus, eliminating the last few inches that remained between the two of them, and at the same time he felt Sirius's hand on his thigh. Instinctually, Remus jerked his face away, shocked. No one had ever tried to touch him this way before.

"Sorry," Sirius said quickly. He leaned back against the bed frame immediately and crossed his arms against his chest.

"Why did you—"

"It was a fucking joke, mate." Sirius's voice sounded cold now, cruel, nothing like the gentle whisper it was a moment ago. "Just forget it." Remus said nothing but looked away.

"Look, I said sorry, okay?" Sirius said.

"Alright," Remus said.

"I'm not like that, you know. I was just kidding."

"I… I know," Remus said.

"You should probably go. I have to get to sleep and Pomfrey could check on me any minute. She does that sometimes, you know, so you really shouldn't have come here tonight."

"Sorry," Remus said. He stood up now and began walking away, but he stopped when Sirius started talking again.

"And don't tell anyone about this, okay? I don't want people to think I'm… Whatever, I mean, you know I'm dating Marlene. And we're pretty serious, too, so I wouldn't want her to—I mean, her or anyone else—I wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea. It was nothing, right?"

"Right," Remus said. "Bye, then."

Sirius said nothing, simply laying down in bed and turning his body away from Remus, pulling the covers over himself. Remus hurried back to the dormitory and went straight to bed, still feeling the ghost of Sirius's hand on his leg, wondering what had stopped him from reciprocating, and thinking that Sirius might have been right about why Remus had gone to see him in the hospital wing after all.

---

Three days later, Severus saw that Sirius was out of the hospital wing, but he also noticed that the band didn't seem to be back together quite yet. The foursome, usually inseparable, were on their own more often now. Severus wondered what was going on between them. Remus and Peter were sitting together in History, but Sirius was by Marlene, and James was next to Lily. Severus wanted to throw something when he noticed this last pairing. He should have expected this, he thought. He had heard that James and Emily were broken up, and he should have known that James would be throwing himself at Lily again.

Severus's own attempt to get over Lily had been laughably bad. He thought back to a few weeks prior when he had asked out Charlotte, a Slytherin girl one year younger than him. He told his friends after the fact that he didn't know why he asked her out in the first place, but that wasn't true. Charlotte was a quiet girl who didn't have a lot of friends. He had asked her out because he knew she would say yes.

The joke was on him, however, because after the date Charlotte told him that she had to focus on studying for her OWLs, and she didn't have time to date, which hurt especially bad considering that he dated her out of pity. He didn't admit this to himself, but deep down he couldn't blame her. He had taken her to The Three Broomsticks, and after noticing that Lily was staring at James, he couldn't concentrate on anything Charlotte was saying the entire time.

Casting an eye across the classroom as he walked in, Severus decided to sit behind Remus and Peter and eavesdrop on their conversation. He heard Remus whisper to Peter, "Did Padfoot say anything about Sunday night?"

Peter sighed and looked over at Sirius across the room. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" he responded, also in a hushed tone.

Remus didn't take his eyes off his parchment as he said, "Can you not…"

"Fine," Peter said. "He told me he's not coming. Are you ready to tell me what exactly you two are fighting about?"

"We're not fighting," Remus said. "It's nothing."

At this, Remus glanced at Severus, who was studiously scribbling notes. Severus was loving what he was hearing. He wouldn't have given himself away for anything, so he was determined not to let it show that he was listening.

"Whatever it is he said, you know he was just joking," Peter said.

"What?"

Peter looked over at Sirius again. "He told me, kind of. He told me he made a joke and you didn't like it, but he wouldn't tell me what it was that he said." Peter's voice lowered even more as he added, "Was it something about your… problem?"

"Um, yes, that was all it was," Remus said quickly. He was avoiding looking at Peter and his face was bright red. "But we're not fighting. I'm not mad at him or anything."

Peter shook his head. "But you two have been so weird around each other lately."

Remus didn't respond. Snape sat through the rest of the lecture with smug satisfaction boiling within him. So they had something planned for Sunday night, he thought. It could be a party, but that would be a bit underwhelming. It sounded like something more serious. What was Remus's secret that Sirius was making jokes about? And why were Sirius and Remus fighting? Trouble in paradise? Maybe they are in love, he thought. They spend so much time together he wouldn't be surprised.

Severus was sick and tired of not knowing what they were doing. Once he figured it out he could tell the whole school, and no one would think those boys were such heroes anymore, everyone would see that they were frauds, and people would know that Severus was the only one who had seen through them this whole time. After class, he noticed that Sirius walked out on his own, and Snape followed him.

"Hey," Severus said, and Sirius turned around. "I know what you and your friends are up to."

Sirius scoffed. "Sure."

"And I'm going to put a stop to it."

"You do that then."

Severus was livid. This indifference was worse than taunting; he had no way to get the upper hand if his opponent didn't respond.

"How are those cuts healing?"

Suddenly the fear behind Sirius's eyes was unmistakable. "What do you know about that?"

"Your brother and I are in the same house, idiot. He told me what happened on Friday."

"Whatever," Sirius growled. "I should have known you two would be friends. Both stupid, Pure-blood freaks—"

"Oh really?" Snape said. "Stupid? Well who do you think taught him that new spell, huh?"

Sirius said nothing.

Snape went on. "And who do you think invented that new spell, Padfoot?" Severus had no idea what their nicknames meant, but he always thought they were idiotic. Sirius's eyes narrowed.

"You know what, Snape? You think you know what my friends and I are up to? You have no idea. And if you did know, you'd be terrified. In fact, you'd be stupid not to be terrified already."

Snape let out a derisive laugh. "Do you think you scare me? You're probably just hanging out with your boyfriend—"

"Shut up," Sirius hissed.

"—Oh, but he's now your boyfriend anymore, is he? Because you two are fighting, I forgot." Sirius was really losing his cool now, and it made Snape happy to see him so unsettled. He hadn't expected this to hit such a nerve and he decided to run with it. "Yeah, everyone knows about your little spat. Haven't you heard? Everyone's talking about how you're in love with your pal Moony—"

"There's a passageway under the Whomping Willow," Sirius said. "If you really want to know what we're up to, press the knot at the base of the tree to make it stand still." Sirius started to walk away, but he turned around at the last second, adding, "We'll be there this Sunday after nightfall."

As Sunday approached, Severus wondered what the best way to approach this would be. He considered asking some of his Slytherin friends to join him, but decided against it. It wouldn't be the smartest move to approach the four of them by himself, but he decided to do it anyway. This was his grudge, no one else's. He wanted to be the one to face them all on his own.

So that's how Sunday, just before nightfall, Snape found himself sneaking across campus, staying in the shadows. He enchanted a small rock to float toward the tree and press the knot at the base, and he found the passageway easily enough. He wondered how they had found this passageway. There was a noticeable gap in the tree's trunk, sure, but why would they have gone so close to the Whomping Willow in the first place? Severus froze as he thought he heard something ahead of him, but let out a sigh of relief when it was just a rat scurrying past. Still, he had his wand at the ready. He knew he was approaching the end of the tunnel because he heard strange noises, and he could see a door not far ahead of him. He creeped towards the door, straining his ears to hear what was happening.

There were muffled sounds, sounds of someone groaning, were they torturing someone in there? After a moment's hesitation, he mustered the courage to open the door. He saw Remus Lupin, lying on the ground, moaning in pain, his arms and legs extending, hair tufting out of his face, and it was like nothing he had ever seen before, but in an instant he realized that he had seen it, once, in his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook, in the 'Dangerous Creatures' chapter, and just as he understood what he was seeing, the werewolf slowly raised its head, a crazed expression on its face, staring directly at him.

A voice behind Severus yelled, "Stupefy!" and the werewolf flew backwards across the room, hitting its back on the wall. Whatever it did next, Snape would never know, because James had slammed the door shut and cast another spell in its direction.

"Run!" James said, and Severus didn't need to be told twice. The two of them sprinted down the passageway, James in the rear. James was faster than Severus, but he didn't pass him or push him, he just kept saying, "Hurry, hurry," as they ran, and then they were out of the tunnel, still running so fast that even though neither one pressed the knot of the trunk they were out of the way of the Whomping Willow's branches well before it could strike.

Severus collapsed on the ground, out of breath, clutching his chest. James slowed to a stop and rested his hands on his knees, regaining his composure.

"Do we… do we need to keep running?" Snape said between breaths.

James looked back at the tree. "No, we should be fine here." He was mostly recovered by now, but Severus was still on the ground, clearly in shock.

"We need to get back to the castle," James said, holding out a hand to help Severus up. Severus ignored it. He looked at James with disdain and stood up on his own, though it took effort.

"He's a werewolf."

James avoided eye contact. "You can't say anything, you know."

"Can't say—you're telling me I can't say anything?" Severus was seething. "I just watched your best friend transform into a werewolf, and you're setting conditions now?"

"Look, I'm not—"

"You all tried to kill me! You led me to a house with a werewolf!"

"Actually, I led you out of a house with a werewolf," James snarled. He started walking toward the castle and Snape followed behind him.

"Where is he now? Is he coming for us?"

"No, he'll still be in the shack."

"In the—the Shrieking Shack?" Severus asked. "Is that where the passage led to?"

James was marching ahead, and he didn't turn back as he spoke. "Um, yeah. He won't be able to hurt anyone in there."

"Remus Lupin is the spirit of the Shrieking Shack?" Severus said, incredulously.

"You can't tell anyone. I mean it, if people find out, he'll be—"

"Fuck you. And your evil fucking friends too. If you think I'm not going to tell everyone in this school about this, then you're out of your mind." With this Severus stormed up to the castle, but James, still faster, beat him there.

Severus didn't know what James was playing at. His running was making enough sound that he would certainly be caught and reprimanded for being out of bed after hours. Severus tried as hard as he could to keep his footfalls quiet, but up ahead he saw McGonagall in her dressing gown, patrolling the corridors, and he knew that they were caught. To his astonishment, James made no attempt to hide himself. In fact, he ran directly to Professor McGonagall and Severus heard him simply say, "Snape knows."

McGonagall looked at Severus, fear in her eyes, and sighed. Needing no more explanation, she said, "I'll take you boys up to Professor Dumbledore's office."

She led them into the room after checking to be sure that Dumbledore was awake and available. He was. "Thank you, Minerva," he said after the three entered his office. "I can take it from here."

McGonagall walked out, leaving the three of them. For a moment it seemed that no one knew what to say next. Then Dumbledore said, "I wonder if it might be easier to discuss this one at a time. Severus, would you please step outside for a moment while I speak to James."

Severus couldn't believe it. Saying nothing, he stepped outside the office, knowing that James was definitely telling a version of the story where Severus would look like the one who was in the wrong. Their meeting was over much more quickly than he expected, however, and five minutes later James stepped out. James didn't speak, but he held the door open for Severus before he walked away.

Severus stepped into the office. "Potter and his friends tried to kill me."

"I see."

"I don't know what he told you just now, but it was probably all lies, alright? Black told me when and where to find Lupin, he even told me how to get past the Whomping Willow, and I had no idea what he was sending me into, I didn't know that he was setting a werewolf on me."

Dumbledore nodded. "Certainly not," he said. "I would have been shocked to hear that you followed his directions in the knowledge that you would be approaching a fully grown werewolf."

Snape couldn't figure out why Dumbledore wasn't reacting more, why he was being so strange, so he said, "Look, whatever Potter said—"

"James has told me almost exactly the same story that you just told me. The only difference being that you are under the impression that all four boys conspired against you, but in fact that was not the case. You see, Peter, Remus, and James were not aware that Sirius had told you how to immobilize the Whomping Willow. That is why James ran to your aid and saved your life."

Severus scoffed. "Saved my life? Is that how he put it?" Seeing Dumbledore's disapproving look, he added, "Sir."

"No, Severus, that is not how he put it." Dumbledore paused. "Perhaps it would be better if I tell you the story that James Potter told me. Then we can see where we disagree. James told me that Sirius Black admitted to telling you where to find Remus tonight. When James heard, he ran down the passageway to the Shrieking Shack where he found you face to face with a werewolf. James then distracted Remus Lupin for long enough to allow you to escape safely, which he did at great danger to his own life."

Snape grimaced. "But I think—I know he was in on it from the start. He might have backed out at the last second, but I know them. They do everything together, and they talk about everything, and there's no way that Black could have done this without Potter knowing."

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "You would be surprised by what even the best of friends can neglect to tell each other. But I digress. Severus, there is no excuse for what happened to you tonight. I will be speaking to Sirius Black tomorrow, and I can assure you that you will be receiving a sincere apology. For now—"

"An apology?" Snape said. "Sir, are you telling me he won't be expelled after what he did? You must be kidding, he's—"

"Severus," Dumbledore said. There was no mistaking his tone for a polite one. "That is enough. I trust that you will allow me to handle discipline within my own school." Severus hung his head. "Now, we must discuss the matter of Remus Lupin."

Severus frowned. "What about him? Will you be speaking to him too?"

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore said. "I'll have to notify him that you were made aware of his condition. I cannot stress enough the importance of discretion when it comes to Remus's lycanthropy. Remus received the bite when he was a child, through no fault of his own, and the burden that it has placed on his life is already immeasurable. I don't need to tell you how much worse it would be for him if his condition was common knowledge throughout the school. I need your word that you will not reveal this secret. Not to anyone."

"Um, fine. Sure," Severus said noncommittally.

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes. "Your word, Severus. It means something. Please say it."

Severus sighed. "You have my word, Professor, that I won't tell anyone about Lupin."

"Thank you." After a moment he added, "And Remus will thank you as well."

"Right. Is that all?"

Dumbledore seemed to consider this. Severus thought it looked like he was going to say something else, but apparently he thought better of it, because all he said was, "No, thank you. Good night."

"Good night, sir."

Severus went downstairs to his dormitory, but he didn't sleep a wink. The next morning at breakfast he went straight to Lily and asked to speak to her. "In private, please," he added, directed to her nosy friends.

Severus and Lily had barely spoken two words to one another since the incident by the lake last spring. He thought that if there was anything that could make her be on his side again it had to be this. He had spent most of the night thinking about it. He wasn't going to tell anyone else about Lupin, only Lily, and they'd be bound by this secret, and she would think he was so brave for facing a werewolf. In the fantasy, when he told her what he had seen, she would gasp with fear and hug him, holding him close to her heart, admitting that the idea of anything happening to him horrified her, that she still cared about him more than she could say.

In reality, Lily turned to her friends with an apologetic look and said, "I'll be right back," before stepping outside the Great Hall with Severus. "What is it?" she asked.

"Lily, the guys in Gryffindor aren't who you think they are. Remus is a werewolf."

Lily looked around nervously and lowered her voice. "How do you know?"

"I saw him transform last night," Severus told her. "Sirius told me to—"

"Severus, you can't tell anyone."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know, but I—wait a minute, did you already know?"

"Well, sort of," she admitted. "Last year during a Hogsmeade visit, I heard Madame Rosmerta say that she only heard noises at the Shrieking Shack during the full moon, and then I… well, I started to notice the pattern of when Remus gets sick." Snape had not foreseen this. He couldn't imagine that she could have discovered this secret and kept it to herself.

"And you never said anything?"

"Why would I? Remus is kind. He means well, and this isn't his fault, and he definitely doesn't want everyone to know."

"He's kind? Do you know what he and his friends did last night? They lured me to come find him after he had transformed. They tried to kill me."

Instead of gasping in horror and hugging him like he had fantasized, Lily simply sighed. "I'm sure that's not how it actually happened."

"Are you kidding me? Lily, don't be stupid—"

"Don't call me stupid," she snapped. Snape flushed. "Listen, Severus. You follow those four around all the time, and it's creepy. And now you're trying to make them look like the bad guys when you've been sticking your nose in their business for years. Maybe you got what was coming to you. And clearly you're fine, so stop being so melodramatic." Her eyes glistened with tears as she spoke. "You know… you're no saint either, alright? With your Death Eater friends, treating Muggle-borns like shit. Don't ever call me stupid. You're no smarter than me just because I'm a Mudblood."

He was panicking. This could not have been further from what he had planned. "I don't think that. You know I don't think that. I just meant that it's stu—I mean, it's wrong to think that they're such great guys."

"I never said they were all great guys," she said. "But maybe you should worry more about yourself. Goodbye." She turned and stormed back into the Great Hall without looking back. He watched her go, wondering how this had managed to go wrong, when he had been so certain that this was going to bring them back together.

As he stared at the empty space where Lily had just been, he noticed someone approach him out of the corner of his eye. A familiar voice muttered, "Hey, um Snape—I mean, Severus, I have something to say to you."

Snape couldn't think of anything he wanted to hear less right now than Sirius's forced apology. "Choke on it," he said, and he then sulked back to the dungeons.

---

Two weeks before Christmas break, James's life was in shambles. Remus and Sirius hadn't spoken for days. They were barely talking before the Snape incident, but James could barely think about that now, anything that might have happened before then felt like a hundred years ago.

Sirius had a meeting with Dumbledore in his office. James didn't know what was said, Sirius wouldn't tell, but he had returned from the meeting pale and wide-eyed. The only thing he said about it was that he had never really understood before how anyone could be afraid of Dumbledore. He told James that as much as he had heard that dark wizards like Grindelwald and Voldemort were scared of Dumbledore, he never really could imagine him as a frightening man. "I can now, though," Sirius told James.

Remus's meeting was just as bad, though in a different way. After Dumbledore had called him in to tell him that Snape knew about his problem, Remus left the headmaster's office with his face burning scarlet and his eyes desperately trying to hold in tears. He had walked straight to the dorm. James had been waiting for him in the common room, but he didn't acknowledge him as he passed, he just kept walking, determinedly keeping himself together. After about half an hour Remus came down from the dormitory looking like someone who had been crying but had also tried every method of hiding that they had been crying. None of them said anything about it.

Remus wasn't mean enough to be able to keep up the silent treatment, but it was no secret that he was unhappy. Being around both of them at the same time was unbearable, because Sirius would go on trying to justify his actions, and Remus would pretend to be okay with it.

"He was asking for it, you know he was. I mean, he's been following us around for how long—Moony, you said it yourself, he had followed us down to the kitchens, right?" They were in the common room, in a corner where they were out of earshot from most other students. "He would have figured out how to get past the Whomping Willow on his own eventually, I'm sure of it."

But he didn't figure it out on his own, James thought. You told him.

"Okay," Remus said.

"And he keeps going on and on saying that I, what, tried to kill him, or whatever? That's just insane. That's a total overreaction. He's just saying that to make me look bad. He got out of there completely unscathed."

Only because I intervened. If no one had been there to help he probably would have died, James thought.

"Sure," Remus said.

"And I know you didn't want him to know about your problem, so I'm sorry for spilling the beans about that, but I only did it because Snape is just so… well, you know him. He had it coming."

"I really don't… it's fine, okay?"

"Good, because honestly Snape should be the one apologizing, I can't believe he—"

"It's fine," Remus repeated. "We really don't have to talk about it anymore."

Remus walked away then, leaving the common room. Sirius looked at James, clearly hoping to be validated, expecting James to take his side and agree that he did nothing wrong, but James said nothing. Peter looked hesitantly back and forth between the two of them, deeply uncomfortable with the silence, and then after clearing his throat he said, "So, anyone finish the Charms essay yet?"

"You don't think I did anything wrong, do you Prongs?"

James avoided Sirius's eye. "Well, yeah actually, I do."

"I know I've barely started it." Peter's voice was a little higher now, more frantic. "I really need to head to the library in fact—"

"Do you think I did anything wrong?" Sirius said to Peter, daring him to take a stand.

"Of course not! No, I hate Snape too, you know that," he said desperately.

"We all hate Snape," James said. "But it's not just about that. Now he knows Moony's problem, and we all promised we wouldn't tell anyone."

Sirius looked dejected. "Yes, but—"

"And he really could have died. Seriously," he added, since Sirius was rolling his eyes now. "What if Remus had killed him? Or even just bitten him. Think about it from Remus's perspective, mate. He would never forgive himself."

"I didn't…" Sirius's face reddened. "Remus wouldn't do that, though. We've seen him transform. He's not as aggressive as other werewolves."

Peter piped in again. "I agree," he said. "He's almost friendly."

"That's because we've only seen him transform around us when we were animals," James said, exasperated. "We've never seen him transform around a human. I saw the way he was looking at Snape. He would have killed him."

"Oh, well aren't we all so lucky you were there to save the day," Sirius spat.

James responded in a shouted whisper, "You know what? We are. None of us want to be murderers, Padfoot."

"Neither do I! I just wanted—I didn't—nevermind." His face was contorted, he was struggling to find words. "I guess I'll just leave you two alone if you think I'm such a monster." Sirius stormed out of the common room.

James was shocked. Sirius didn't really believe he had done nothing wrong, did he? None of them had ever been particularly kind to Snape, but that didn't mean that they wanted him to get bit by a werewolf, or eaten alive by one. Even for them, this was awful. It also sounded as if Sirius had not even given a second thought to how this would affect Remus. Did he really only think about himself? What if it got out? Everyone would know Remus's secret, and they could potentially find out about him, Sirius, and Peter becoming Animagi, as well. That was a serious crime, and they could be sent to Azkaban for it. But no one would send teenagers to Azkaban… would they? For a violent crime maybe, alright, but they hadn't hurt anyone with their Animagus transformations. Maybe if they got in any trouble they would pretend like they didn't know it was a crime, or at least like they didn't know how serious it was. Even more than all this, James couldn't believe he felt bad for Snape.

As he mulled this over, he could see Peter out of the corner of his eye, shifting nervously in his seat. "I thought you had to head to the library?" James said curtly, and Peter scampered off, leaving James alone.

Nothing got better as the days went by. Two weeks before they were leaving for Christmas break, James was surprised to see Lily sit next to him in the common room.

"James, I need to ask you something."

He felt his face get hot but he maintained his cool. "Yes?"

Lily paused. "I just—well, I want you to tell me what happened in the tunnel by the Whomping Willow."

James's face became even hotter, though for a different reason now. "H-How do you know about that? Did Snape talk to you?"

"It doesn't matter," she said, though James suspected he was right since she was blushing as well now. "A lot of people know, sort of. Not everything," she added hastily as she saw the look of horror on his face. "But people know that Severus went down there and almost got hurt really badly, and they say that you helped him, but he says that your friends were pulling a trick on him, and I don't know which story is true."

"Well, they're both true in a sense, I guess," he said. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Sirius told Snape to go down there, but none of the rest of us knew he told him, I swear. We wouldn't have done that, I don't know why Sirius did, I think he just got carried away, you know how he gets… Anyway, Snape was down there and he saw, er, something," James was looking hesitantly at Lily now, unsure of how much she might know, but her eyes revealed that she knew the worst of it.

"He saw Remus," she whispered. "Transformed."

James nodded gravely. "Well, yeah. I didn't do much, to be honest, I just was able to distract Moony long enough that Snape and I could get out of there. Really I'm lucky I got there in time, Sirius only told me after Pomfrey had already taken Remus down to the Shrieking Shack."

"Wait, was this in the Shrieking Shack or the Whomping Willow?"

"Oh, right, the pathway under the Whomping Willow leads to the Shrieking Shack."

"I see." She considered this for a moment. "Thank you for going after him."

James shrugged. "It was really nothing, I only—"

"I mean it, thank you." James blushed and Lily went on, "To be honest, we're not really friends anymore, me and Sev, but if anything had happened to him…" She shook her head. "I'm just glad you're both okay."

"Right… Well, no problem, I guess. Hey, how did you know about Remus? Did Snape tell you?" James's annoyance was clear in his voice with this last sentence.

"No, but he—I mean, I figured it out myself. Well, just the werewolf part. I sort of knew the Shrieking Shack might be part of it… that's why I wasn't afraid to walk up to the front door at our last Hogsmeade visit, but I didn't know how everything fit together. Severus talked about it with me a little but I don't think he's going to tell anyone else."

"He better not. Moony never wants to hurt anyone, he gets mad at himself even when he kills a rabbit during his transformations. He doesn't want people thinking he's some kind of violent guy or something."

"Of course he isn't."

"And honestly… I really don't want anyone knowing about what Sirius did, either. I don't know why he did it, I know he hates Snape, but he might have been mad at Remus too, I don't know. But I don't think he understood how bad it would be. I think he was being careless mostly."

"Yes, he was."

"So if you hear anyone talking about it, will you say it's just a rumor?"

"That's what I've been saying so far."

James was relieved. "Good, thank you."

Lily looked at James for a moment and then said, "You know what's funny? You and Sirius and Severus are kind of the same, the way I see it. You're all capable of doing so much good whenever you're trying to do what's best for someone else, it's really amazing. The problem is that you're all usually just thinking about what's best for yourselves."

With that she walked away, leaving a mute James alone in his chair.

That evening, in the Great Hall at dinner, Remus ate quickly and left early, leaving the other three alone. Sirius frowned at James and Peter. "I suppose you both think he's right for wanting to avoid me?"

Peter chirped automatically, "No! We don't—"

"Peter, didn't you have a meeting with Flitwick about your Charms essay?" James said abruptly.

"Wh-what? Oh, you know what, you're right," Peter was thankful to James for the excuse to leave. "I did, I forgot, I really should—" and then he was scurrying off, leaving James and Sirius together sitting across from one another.

"I don't want to listen to your lecture again."

"I don't want to lecture you. And I don't think I lectured you before, either."

"Whatever."

"You're not a bad person, you know," James said. "You're a very good person when you're thinking about other people, but the problem is that you're usually thinking about yourself."

"What do you know about what I'm thinking about?" Sirius said angrily. "You have no idea what's going on in my life, no one does, and all of you think that my life is so perfect, but you don't know the half of it."

"All I'm saying is that Remus didn't deserve—"

"Oh, right, because Remus is so wonderful."

"Why are you mad at Remus?"

"I'm not—he and I—" Sirius struggled to find words. "He's self-obsessed! Think about it, James, how many times have we had to listen to him whine about how he thinks that Snape might know his problem? I just couldn't deal with that anymore on top of everything else."

"Everything else? What, because you're fighting with your brother?"

"With my—you think this is just about Regulus? It's not just him, it's my whole family! You don't understand, you're the golden boy, you can do no wrong in your parents' eyes, but for my parents, I can't do anything right. You have no idea… And now in a couple weeks you'll be going home to Mummy and Daddy for a cozy Christmas break, and I'll be here, alone."

"No you won't," James said simply. "You'll be coming home with me. I thought we talked about this."

"What?" Sirius stared at James.

"Back when you told me about your duel with Regulus, I wrote to my parents and asked them if you could come home with me for Christmas. Did we really not talk about this?" James put his fork down and went on. "I also told them you'd probably want to stay for the summer, too, and they said they'd love to have you. They said you can stay as long as you want."

Sirius seemed at a loss for words, but then he sputtered, "W-well, I'm sure you don't still want me staying after what's happened."

James rolled his eyes. "Of course I still want you. Don't be stupid. You're my best friend, alright? Nothing changes that. Even if you've been a real dick lately," he added wryly.

Sirius looked at his plate. James had never seen him look ashamed before. "I know," Sirius whispered. "I'm just… I'm really sorry."

"I don't think it's me you need to apologize to."

Sirius sighed. They finished their dinner in silence and then headed back to the common room, where they found Remus sitting on a couch, poring over his notes. Sirius sat next to him, and James went up to the dormitory. Whatever Sirius needed to say was between him and Remus, James thought. They would need to work this out themselves.