He proposed.
He left her, claiming to no longer care for her. He tried to end his immortal life when he thought she was dead.
Now he wanted them to get married...
It was too much for Bella to wrap her mind around at this point. She had loved Edward Cullen with all of her young and admittedly untried heart, and she could logically understand why he had left her the way he did. He thought he was protecting her and he somehow fooled himself into thinking she'd forget him.
But understanding didn't erase the months of heartbreak. It didn't suddenly undo the damage he had caused. She'd thrown herself off a cliff just to feel alive for God's sake. Just to see him for a moment. Just to hear his voice.
And now she had him again. In the flesh, as it were. If anything, he was more attentive and loving than he had ever been before. But also more controlling. More patronizing. Like she couldn't be trusted with herself.
It was beginning to chafe.
If Bella had never had to live without him... trying to hold the giant, aching abyss in her chest together. If she hadn't had to look inside herself and decide if life was worth living anymore, she might have been happy with this new, more attentive Edward. This young man that was so racked with guilt that he obsessed over her every need.
But she had.
She had ever so slowly pulled that abyss closed, till the pain only faintly echoed inside of her. She had made friends of her own, new relationships that had expanded her way of thinking. Friends that Edward didn't approve of. Found new things she loved doing, things Edward was horrified at. Things his sweet Bella didn't do.
Her thoughts spiraled back around to his recent proposal and she heard her teeth squeek from where she was grinding them. With a huff she got up off her bed and grabbed her jacket. Alice would be there soon and she might as well wait out front.
Alice was her other problem. Bella understood that she and Edward were probably the closest out of all the Cullen 'siblings' but her abandonment had hurt almost as much as his. She had truly thought Alice meant it when she said she considered Bella her sister. But sisters didn't abandon one another. Especially not at the darkest moment in one sister's admittedly short life.
Alice, of course, acted like nothing had happened. Like she had foreseen that it would all work out, just the way she wanted it to. She still treated Bella like a doll or a plaything, telling her what she should do with her hair and leaving all kinds of designer clothes out for Bella to wear. It was arguably worse than Edward's hovering and she really didn't think she'd done anything to deserve that kind of torture.
Bella had taken to wearing skinny jeans and Charlie's old flannel shirts again, just to be obstinate. Though today she'd chosen one of her mom's vintage band tees. Seeing Alice's porcelain face cringe in annoyance would be highly satisfying. She was hesitant to truly anger the tiny terror though. Edward still insisted he would never change her, leaving Alice as her only option. Other than possibly returning to Volterra herself eventually, but that thought was too terrifying to contemplate.
She supposed she could always corner Jasper and cut her finger again... No, that was a cruel thought considering how hard Jasper always worked to control himself. He'd apologized to her quietly after the family's return, but things had still been strained between them. Bella actually did intend to try and speak privately with him that weekend, to clear the air a bit more.
A honk startled Bella out of her thoughts, and she glanced up to see Alice's car in the driveway.
Grabbing her bag and double checking the door was locked, she'd only gotten down half the steps when she heard Alice's voice.
"Bella, why did you braid your hair like that?! It's going to be all poofy later, I won't be able to do anything with it!"
Bella had indeed put two french braids in her hair, so that it wouldn't get in the way when she changed the oil in her truck earlier. Jacob had showed her how one rainy afternoon and she'd been doing it herself ever since. She knew how to change the spark plugs now too.
"Your nail polish is all chipped too, I just did them two days ago! And is that," Alice pulled her giant sunglasses down unnecessarily to get a better look, "is that grease under your nails? Seriously Bella, that's going to be a pain to get rid of."
"Rose gets grease under her nails all the time." Bella was so not in the mood for this.
"Yes, but grease doesn't cling to vampire skin, it's easy to wash off. Human skin is an entirely different matter. It's alright, we'll just soak your hands in some dish soap and then I'll redo your nails. What do you think about a nice coral this time? Or maybe champagne?"
As Alice continued to educate Bella on whether champagne colored nail polish went with cool tones or warm, she gazed out the window at the passing trees and wondered if this was really the eternity she wanted.
-
Bella's mood had not improved upon reaching the Cullen home and upon entrance she forced a few deep breaths to steady her inner turmoil. This amount of stress wasn't maintainable and she really just hated feeling this way. She decided to make a conscious effort to enjoy her weekend, and to give both Edward and Alice the benefit of the doubt.
But by a few hours later she was having difficulty sticking with her decision.
"You really should finish the spinach, Bella, it's an excellent source of iron." Edward watched expectantly as she was finishing up the dinner Esme had cooked for her.
"Ok, well, the chocolate cake is an excellent source of joy for me, so I think I'm going to skip to that now." She stood and scraped the last of the sautéed spinach into the trash and got a plate for her much anticipated cake. Cutting a generous slice, she heard a noise behind her.
"You really don't need that much, do you realize how much sugar is in that?" Edward went to reach for the plate and Bella had to stop herself from stabbing his hand with the fork. It wouldn't hurt him and would probably end up hurting her somehow.
"You know what, you're right! I'm getting fatter in my old age and really shouldn't be eating this. In fact, I should probably go exercise all the calories from the spinach off..." she spun around, slammed the plate on the counter and started towards the front door.
"Bella! Love, you know that's not what I meant! I'm just trying to look after you." He rushed to cut her off at the door, so fast she could barely see him. He stopped in front of the door and held both hands up, "I just want to make sure you get the best of everything, that you're taken care of. You know I still feel bad for the pain I caused you. You almost died, and it was my fault."
She rolled her eyes, "everything was fine, the pack was there to protect me. Laurent didn't stand a chance."
Edward looked pained, "I was referring to when you hurled yourself off a cliff. But you're right, you almost died multiple times because of me, and it doesn't seem to matter whether I'm around or not. I've cursed you to a life of danger." He looked as ill and distraught as a vampire could probably manage.
"You're right, my life is dangerous now no matter if you're here or not. That's why you should change me sooner rather than later. Victoria is still out there and every day that goes by is one day closer to her coming for her revenge. I need..."
"But Bella, your soul, it's..." he interrupted her.
And she closed her eyes and growled.
Actually growled.
"Move."
"Bella, I just.."
"Move. Please." She refused to make eye contact. He finally stepped aside and opened the door for her.
"I can't take you home, Charlie's gone for the weekend. You know it wouldn't be safe."
"I just need some air. Just give me a minute." She rushed out the door, trying to keep the angry tears at bay.
It was so stupid to keep having this argument. Wasn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different outcome. She'd been afraid she was insane when he left her, but now she wanted to jump off a cliff for entirely different reasons.
Walking around the side of the house, towards the garage, she noticed Jasper in one of the bays. He was sitting with one long leg stretched out and one folded in, working on his Indian Scout. She knew he had an old WWII Harley he was restoring as well, but hadn't truly appreciated either bike until recently.
She was almost half way to the garage when Jasper looked up, a frown of concern on his face. Bella gave him a strained half smile but continued towards him and the bike. Maybe a little shop talk would get her mind off things.
Jasper watched her approach, and seemed like he wanted to ask what was wrong. She cut him off though, not wanting to think about Edward or anything relating to him at the moment.
"She's looking good, the new pinstripes are classy. I approve." She said, managing a genuine smile this time.
"Well thank you. I thought they were a pretty nice addition myself. Now all I have to do is replace this break line, throw some new tires on her, and she'll be ready for a nice cross country ride." He replied, running his pale fingers down the pinstriping.
"Awesome! Are you and Alice planning a trip?" Bella immediately quashed the feeling of jealousy that bubbled up inside her. She didn't want Jasper to pick up on it. She couldn't help but feel envious though, Edward would never in a million years ride across the country with her. He became frantic at just the idea of her riding across town on her bike.
"Oh, no. Alice doesn't like riding, messes her hair up." He circled a hand around his head in demonstration and shrugged, "She doesn't really like long trips either. No shopping to be had. And no room for three suitcases when your taking a bike..." he chuckled.
"Oh, that's a shame. Why'd you get a two seater then?" She sucked in a breath and continued, "actually, that's none of my business, I'm sorry." She stuffed her hands in her pockets and looked down at her feet.
"Nah, it's fine. I bought it without asking Alice first, on a whim. I have some friends that like to ride, and I just thought... well, you know."
She gave him a sympathetic smile and she was sure he could feel it as well. Having a partner with different interests was something she was unfortunately becoming all too familiar with.
"So I heard you learned to ride while we were gone. Something about a rebuilt dirt bike?"
"Yeah, I picked up two old Hondas and Jake and I rebuilt them. Well, Jake rebuilt them. But I did help!" She laughed, looking down. "He taught me how to ride after that, which went about as well as you would imagine. I'm much better now though, only the occasional concussion..." she smiled at him.
Jasper laughed. Actually laughed.
Bella didn't think she'd ever heard him laugh out loud before. It was nice. Really nice.
"Yeah, I heard Edward talkin about it. Called it a death trap, but I didn't think Jacob would let you out on the road on something that wasn't dependable." He looked up at Bella, gauging her reaction.
"Yeah, he's... really not a fan. But I made it clear if my bike dissappears I'll just get another, faster one."
Jasper laughed again. 'Two in a row, she thought. 'Go me.'
"Oh darlin, I just bet you would." He grinned and went back to his work.
'Darlin', she thought, well that was new. And nice.
She considered what a strange change it was for conversation to flow easily with Jasper of all people, but be entirely stifled with Edward.
"Um, do you need any help?"
She was in no hurry to leave Jasper's unexpectedly pleasant company. She also knew enough at this point that she wouldn't embarass herself handing over the wrong part or tool.
"Sure, could you grab the small pliers off the counter for me, and the wire cutters?" he responded, without looking back up.
Bella grabbed the requested items and was about to hand them over when they heard a voice yelling from the house, "Bella! It's time to redo your nails! You better not have gotten more grease on them, I swear it's like you don't even care how much work I put into your appearance!"
Frowning at Alice, Bella turned and handed the tools over to Jasper. "Duty calls." She just barely refrained from adding 'unfortunately'.
"Yeah...yeah." It seemed like Jasper wanted to say more, but he just looked back down at the tools in his hands.
She was almost halfway back to the house this time, when she heard her name being called, and turned back towards the garage.
Jasper gave her an encouraging smile and she immediately felt a wave of happiness... and even humor wash over her. "Go on Bella, we both know how much you love having your nails done!"
Bella smiled and rolled her eyes, and Jasper chuckled again. She found she felt quite a bit better as she entered the house, despite the torture she was about to endure.
-
Jasper usually didn't involve himself in the rest of the family's drama.
Unless it was something that would expose them to the world, he didn't really care what they did, or where they went next. He'd been following Alice around for so many years now, one day just bled into the next.
Bella's question about why he bought the two seater brought up long suppressed thoughts and feelings though. Things he'd decided were too difficult to bother with. After escaping the hell that was leading Maria's army, he'd admittedly avoided digging too deeply into any unpleasant emotions. It was cowardly in a way, but he felt everything so terribly strongly. He'd been searching for something more for years when Alice walked up to him in that diner. He took it for the blessing it seemed to be on the surface. Finally, a woman that seemed to care about him, and what was good for him.
It wasn't until a few years had gone by that it started feeling more like what was best for him was whatever Alice wanted. And whatever Alice wanted, she got.
He'd gotten used to just letting her have her way. It was easier. No drowning him in feelings of disapproval and disappointment. The motorcycle was just one thing on a long list of things he'd given up on sharing with his wife.
Something about watching Bella be forced into the same position though... it didn't sit well with him.
He didn't really feel like he deserved better, and he had eternity to get around to things if he really wanted to. Bella was still human though. For the moment, anyway. It wasn't entirely a given that she would be changed even if it was a probability. And here she was being dragged around by Alice and caudled by Edward. Jasper might be old, but he still vaguely remembered being human and a teenager. Hunting trips, barn dances and unbroken horses had been a few of the ways he had fun before the war. And he didn't figure going out dancing or riding a motorcycle a little too fast were all that different.
They were trying to stuff Bella into a safe little box though. One she obviously resented now if her emotions were anything to go by. He let his mind race through all the possible outcomes if things continued on as they were.
Edward might finally agree to change Bella, but continue on with his stifling behavior. And a newborn waking up angry and resentful was bad news. He had a feeling she was going to be nigh on impossible to control after the change as it was, without any added volatile emotions.
It could possibly get bad enough that even easy going, devoted Bella decided to break things off and part from the family. That would leave her human indefinitely though, and the Volturi would eventually get involved. He really didn't think Carlisle understood the repercussions of letting things drag out like that. And he really didn't want any part of it, truth be told. He'd had to deal with the Volturi occasionally in his warlord days and knew they couldn't be trusted.
He wished he had the self control to change Bella himself if it came down to it. And didn't that thought just lead him some place he shouldn't dare to tread. When he'd first seen Bella he'd thought that she was quite beautiful for a human. She didn't slather on make up and perfume like so many girls and he admittedly was rather partial to brunettes.
It had been a passing thought about the oddity that was the new girl, and he hadn't considered her again until Edward's blooming obsession had become obvious. And then his consideration was how to protect the coven. Beautiful or not, the girl knowing their secret was a threat. One that only reiterated how ridiculous the notion of a bunch of long lived vampires going to high school was.
It was too late to worry about it now though. She was part of the family, and very squarely on the Volturi's radar. And ever since her return from saving Edward's sparkling ass from said princes, she had been of far more interest to him.
Gone was the placid, love sick girl who's whole world revolved around the most uptight vampire Jasper had ever met.
As much as he thought the family abandoning her after her unfortunate birthday party was a terrible betrayal (himself not withstanding, he would have understood if she never wanted to see his face again) the girl seemed to have started growing a backbone. She'd always been drudgingly responsible but still childlike in her simplicity. That seemed to have quietly changed while they were gone.
And dare he say it, this new Bella was... fascinating. The cliff diving and motorcycle riding were part of it, certainly. But there was a spark in Bella now, a little fire that the devil in him whispered about feeding. Wasn't it just moments ago, he was whispering to Jasper about how Bella wouldn't care if riding his bike across the desert messed her hair up. Or how satisfying it would be to see Edward lose his ever tightening control over the girl.
These were dangerous thoughts though. He'd spent decades bending to the status quo and there was the mindreader to consider.
Still.
Eternity was an awfully long time to spend not really living.
-
I'm not sure if I want to continue this one, or leave it an open ended one-shot. Let me know your thoughts. And thank you for reading!