Here is chapter two! I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors, I ended up finishing this chapter at 2am and was too lazy to properly edit it. Anyways enjoy, and as always comment on what you thought!
Blame It On The Alcohol
She thinks it's a joke at first. Rachel Berry throwing a party? As if. But then she comes to learn the whole thing was Puck's idea, and then it all makes sense.
She hasn't attended a party in months. She missed out at the Valentine's Day thing at Breadsticks because she had been stuck at home with mono, so the last time she went to a party was with Sam.
It had been right after the football team had made it to their playoffs. Unfortunately not all of the Glee club had been invited. Sam, Finn, Mike, Puck and Artie because they were on the team, her Santana and Brittnay because they were Cheerios, and Tina because she was dating Mike. She felt bad for Mercedes and Rachel, but they had insisted they were fine and were overdue with a girls night with Kurt. She had stuck by Tina's side the entire time because she had no clue where Santana and Brittnay had gone and even though she was cheer captain she could not stand most of the girls on her squad. She and Tina had drunk more than they probably should have. They're laughing hysterically when Mike and Sam find them on some patio chairs outside. When Mike asks them what they're doing in the backyard they look at each other because neither of them quite remember how they got there, which makes them burst out laughing again. Sam and Mike look at each other amused. The four of them sit outside for a little longer before Mike looks at the time on his phone and decides that it's time to get Tina home. They say their goodbyes and Sam tells her that they should probably get going soon too. She pouts at him and he laughs at her telling her that she can have ten more minutes. She goes to sit out his lap, squishes his face between her palms, and very seriously tells him that she loves him. He throws his head back laughing before telling her that he loves her too just as seriously, soon after that she ends up falling asleep on his lap to the sound of his heartbeat. She assumes he takes her home soon after that, but she can never be sure, and it's not like she can ask him now.
She's outside on the phone with Brittnay who cannot seem to figure out how to Rachel's house when Sam shows up. They haven't been alone since he broke up with her in the hallway last week. He doesn't see her at first, but when he does he freezes. She convinces herself it's because she caught him by surprise.
They look at each other for what feels like hours, she wants to say something to him, smile even, but it's like she's frozen into place. Like the earth has stopped moving and in this moment only the two of them exist. Except the moment is ruined when Brittnay starts asking Quinn for directions again. She tells her to call Artie before hanging up.
"What? You're not going to say anything to me?" She's a little drunk, but she still finds it rude that he doesn't even address her, even if she cheated on him.
He stops for a minute, but then sighs and starts heading towards the house. This just makes her angrier, so she stands in front of him, placing a hand on his chest to keep him from moving past her. "I loved you." She shakes her head frantically before correcting herself. "No, I still love you Sam." Her voice cracks, and he wants him to just look at her so he can see how sorry she is, but he doesn't. He stares straight ahead and removes her hand.
"Quinn, you're the one who chose to be with him." She scoffs because that isn't fair. He dumped her for Santana first. And if he knew her as well as he claimed too, he would know that she would rather die than be seen as weak.
"Because you decided to be with her first." Her voice is small, a lot smaller than she would like it to be. He can feel his frustration radiating off of him in waves, but she's willing to take it. She'd rather have him angry then not have him at all.
"Maybe that's the truth, but I'm not the one who got us here."
He leaves her standing there, outside of Rachel's house, completely alone. She wants to scream, or even cry, but instead she's stuck with feeling complete and utter emptiness.
When she enters the house Santana and Sam are making out on the couch. For a second she thinks that it would just be better if she left, but then Finn would start asking questions and Quinn doesn't really feel like dealing with that right now.
But before she can head up the stairs to get away from it all, Rachel walks up to her asking her if she's having fun. Is she that oblivious to the fact that her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend are having tongue sex behind her? Yeah, Quinn is loving life right now.
And finally, Puck finally convinces Rachel to open her dad's liquor cabinet. Quinn's already a little tipsy, so she's completely wasted an hour and a half later, slumping onto Brittnay's shoulder.
She tries to not pay too much attention to how Rachel drapes herself all over Finn, and she also tries not to pay too much attention to the fact that Santana and Sam's tongues have been attached since he got here. She takes another shot so she doesn't have to pay attention to anything at all.
She overhears Santana and smirks. She is prettier than Santana, and definitely smarter, and she's glad Santana knows it. But seeing her and Sam kiss after just makes Quinn angerier, so she lashes out at Puck because she can't exactly go up to Santana and slap her.
She sits out of spin the bottle because Finn does, even though she would do anything to kiss Sam again. People don't know that the two of them are back together yet so no one would say anything even if she were to join, but the truth is she doesn't want to kiss anyone but Sam and knowing her luck the bottle would probably land on Puck. Part of her dies when Brittnay spins and the bottle lands on Sam. She rolls her eyes when Santana says that Sam's lips belong to her, they belonged to Quinn too but Santana didn't seem to respect that.
She wants to get up and run instead of sitting there and having to watch them kiss, but she knows Finn will just get suspicious if she does. She thinks that this is her karma for cheating on Sam, watching him kiss all of her close friends.
She thinks the universe is trying to punish her when Blaine and Rachel sing Don't You Want Me as their duet. She knows she should probably go sit next to Finn and be all romantic with Finn like Mike and Tina are or Brittnay and Artie or even Mercedes and her stupid cup, but for some reason her eyes are glued to Santana and Sam.
She bumps into him in the hallway while he's exiting the bathroom and she's trying to enter it. He doesn't even bother giving her a second glance and for some reason it really bugs her.
"Are you trying to purposely tortue me?" she asks him while he walks past her. He spins around surprised, as if he wasn't expecting her to say anything to him after the conversation they had outside earlier before the party had started.
"What?" She's too drunk to continue to pretend, pretend to be nice, pretend to not care about the fact that she has ruined everything between them. So she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms against her chest.
"This has to be a joke right? This whole thing between you and Santana? Like you're clearly just doing this to annoy me, or just to hurt me. Is that what you're trying to do? To hurt me like I hurt you by being with the girl who hates me the most? Because I'm sorry Sam! I'm sorry I cheated on you but if you would just give me a chance to explain-"
"I don't care."
She loses her train of thought because the last thing she expects him to say is that he doesn't care. What she finds herself doing next is echoing the same word he said to her half a minute ago.
"What?" He scoffs at her and follows her in rolling his own eyes.
"Honestly Quinn? If I was trying to hurt you, that would mean I would have to care about you still and I just don't care. Because right now? I'm the person who hates you most, not Santana." And then he leaves her standing there, tears running down her cheeks in front of Rachel Berry's upstairs washroom.
She wants to tell him that there's no way that's possible, no one hates her more than she hates herself. But she lets him have it, he deserves it after all she's done. So she allows him to think that the worst thing that could ever happen to him is her breaking his heart.
She wakes up on Monday morning feeling like absolute garbage. How is it even possible to have a three day hangover? Her head feels like a hammer is constantly hitting it and the eyebags under her eyes look like they could carry her entire school bag and all of her textbooks.
She pretends she doesn't see Finn waiting by his car for her when she parks hers in the student parking lot. She doesn't have enough energy to deal with him today. She also needs to find an excuse for why she didn't answer any of his texts or calls yesterday. She definitely can't tell him it's because she spent the entire day sobbing into her pillow because the guy she's in love with hates her guts.
She meets up with the rest of the glee club in the hallway and internally praises Artie for thinking of alcohol to cure their hangovers. Although it does make her a little tipsy during their Alcohol Awareness week rehearsal performance.
She smirks at Santana's breakdown after their performance. Maybe if she makes a big enough fool of herself Sam will realize he deserves better. But for some reason the thought of that only makes her angry, so she calls Mr. Schue a hypocrite.
She feels like crap before their actual live performance. She's afraid she might puke, and she wonders if she tells Mr. Schue that she doesn't feel well if he'll let her go home. But before she can make an actual decision, it's time for them to perform.
But then Rachel gives them more alcohol and she's able to numb everything again. Instead of focusing on how good Sam looks in the muscle shirt and beanie he's wearing, she goes over the last finishing touches on her outfit.
She feels like she actually might vomit while she's performing. Their dance moves are way too fast for how slowly her brain is processing things right now. But before she can actually hurl, Brittany throws up all over Rachel, Santana following shortly after.
She feels like either laughing or crying at the fact that Figgins doesn't realize all of them are drunk and Brittnay and Santana's vomit was not special effects at all. She honestly thought they would all end up getting suspended.
If she's being honest, she is annoyed at Mr. Schue lecturing them about how none of them should be drinking when Sue had literally exposed him over the announcements for doing that same exact thing.
She doesn't know if she wants to sign the pledge form, it's not like Mr. Schue will even notice that he doesn't have hers when all he does is focus on Rachel and Finn. She kind of likes the feeling of numbing her pain. Being able to forget for a while that her ex-boyfriend who she still loves is dating the girl who was supposed to be her best friend. But she does anyways because showing any emotion would be a slip up and Quinn Fabray does not have any slip ups.
Original Song
She watches Finn and Rachel talk about stupid songwriting from outside the choir room. Yeah she doesn't love Finn, but Rachel? Really? How damaged does one have to be to be into Rachel Berry?
But she does really care about him. He's her first love, and she may not love him right now, but first loves are forever. And without Finn, she can never become prom queen. She knows her obsession probably seems stupid, but if she can win prom queen maybe people will forget about her pregnancy in sophmore year. Maybe they will all finally start viewing her as they used to before, as perfect. Maybe it will finally be enough for Sam to realize he wants her back.
And all of this prom stuff will distract her with everything that happened between her and Sam. But she can't lose Finn because if she does then she can forget about the entire prom thing. So she befriends Rachel because as they say, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'.
She's not really paying attention to what's happening in Glee club, not that she ever really does. But her ears perk up when Mr. Schue says that they can't use Sing for Regionals because she just knows that Rachel will suggest something. A perfect way for Quinn to start her plan.
She backs Rachel up even though she thinks the idea is stupid. Why would they create their own songs and use less time for rehearsing than they already have, but she supports her anyways. She tells everyone that the team works better when they are doing something different and ignores all the weird looks she gets after. She continues on making up some crap about how she thinks the two of them should even write a song together and hopes Rachel doesn't think it's complete and utter bullshit.
She feels grateful for Finn when he backs her up, but then Sam supports Santana when the whole thing was Quinn's idea and now all she feels is anger.
She hears about Santana's song about Sam and his lips. She cannot believe that Sam didn't believe break up with her right then and there. She knows that she didn't treat Sam the way that he should've been treated, but Santana treats him way worse than she ever did. And at least she loved Sam, Santana loves Brittnay it's so obvious. But even though she hates Santana with all her heart right now, she would never out her to anyone like that, not before she's ready to on her own, not even to Sam who she's just dragging along.
She meets Finn in the hallway to ask him about his ideas regarding prom. She needs something to distract her from the fact that she signed up to write stupid songs with her mortal enemy. She can't believe that Finn is so oblivious to the fact that the only way for them to become royalty again is for them to be elected prom king and queen.
She also can't believe Finn wants to wait until after Nationals to announce their relationship. She could not care less on whether people know if they are together or not, on most days she can't stand to be around him. But Quinn isn't anything special anymore, especially not on her own and without her Cheerios uniform. People stopped fearing her after she had her baby, but she got some of that intimidation back when she became a Cheerio again at the beginning of the year, but then she quit and lost Sam, which was pretty much everything that made her happy. Finn was the reason why she lost both. And he was the one who made her cheat on Sam, he continued to pursue her even though she had a boyfriend, and now he's having second thoughts?
But then he calls her scary Quinn and agrees so she doesn't think too much about he still cares about Rachel even though he's supposed to be into her.
She gets to the auditorium first so it looks like actually cares about this stupid song, that she actually has some ideas. She's kind of annoyed that Rachel is late when this whole thing was her idea, but then she's asking her if they're friends.
No, she doesn't think they are friends at all. Yes, she had been cruel to Rachel last year, but Rachel had screwed her over just as much. And then she brings up Beth which pisses Quinn off even more because everyone knows that her daughter is a soft spot for her, so she snaps at Rachel asking her what her point is.
"Are you and Finn together?"
She can see the heartbreak all over Rachel's face, and part of her feels bad because she knows how it feels to have your so called friend date the guy that you're in love with, and in another life where Quinn is a better person she would help Rachel get back with Finn because she knows how bad it hurts.
But Quinn is hurting, and when she is hurting she becomes mean. So she tells Rachel yes, and that she needs to stop making the same mistake to see that Finn and her are not meant to be. If she's being honest? She totally knows that Finn and Rachel will be married a couple of years from now, but she cannot afford to lose Finn right now, not when she's already lost everything else.
All of that guilt is gone when Rachel tells her not to rewrite history and that Finn had chosen her over Quinn. She knows it's true, but it still annoys the crap out of her. So she asks her, "And how long did that last for?"
But then Rachel is asking her why she's being mean and she feels guilty all over again because she hates it. She wishes she could be more like Tina or Mercedes because let's face it, Rachel is not saint either. But unlike them, Quinn has a reputation to uphold.
So she feeds Rachel some bullshit about how she's going to get her heartbroken and how Quinn and Finn are going to stay here in Lima and start a family while she becomes a real estate agent, when in reality as soon as Quinn and Finn win prom king and queen, she's going to dump Finn and do everything in her power to get Sam back, but Rachel doesn't need to know that.
But it breaks her heart to hurt Rachel because she knows that pain, she's feeling it right now. So she forces the words you can't hate me for helping you out of her mouth like they are poison and tries her hardest not to cry.
But Rachel won't back off, and holy crap she sees the reason why Rachel and Finn are so perfect together now, because neither of them can respect her relationships. She lets her emotions get the better of her, telling her how she lives in this bubble and that's why she hasn't been able to write a decent song that's not about a headband or berries.
She knows Rachel won't want to write a song with her after all that she just said to her, but she sits back down on the piano bench. Just like she predicted, Rachel tells her that she's going to write the song on her own and Quinn tries her hardest to pretend like the sound of Rachel sobbing as she leaves the auditorium doesn't make her feel any worse than she already does.
Quinn Fabray is competitive, everyone knows that. So obviously she wants to win Regionals. But she also really loves performing. Glee club is like her home, where she can truly feel like herself. And although she got a whole different kind of rush singing a duet with Sam at Sectionals, she doesn't mind singing background to Rachel every competition. Even though she'll never admit it, she does know Rachel has one of the strongest voices and most experience performing.
Quinn is smart, she knows that Finn has some weird extra admiration he feels for Rachel when he watches her perform. She noticed it last year while they were together too, but she let go because she slept with his best friend so in a way it kind of evened out.
She doesn't love Finn, but as she's standing behind him watching him watch Rachel up on the stage, she's mad. Mad that Finn would make her cheat on Sam when he was still in love with Rachel. Mad that it's so obvious that Rachel and Finn are clearly going to get back together and she will be alone again. Mad that Rachel was able to make a beautiful ballad based on one sentence Quinn said to her and she can't do anything right. She just wishes someone would be able to love her.
Born This Way
She knows her competitive edge is off when she feels genuinely concerned for Rachel when Finn hits her in the face during their nationals boot camp. They have been in the Glee club for almost two years now, how has dancing barely improved? He plays football, how is he that uncoordinated?
She fully supports Rachel's decision to get a nose job. Of course she does, she got one herself. And then Rachel points out her nose and she respects her decision even more. And yeah, she doesn't love Finn, but she feels bad for him when Santana is attacking the way he looks.
It makes her want to snap at Santana because who the hell does she think she is? She knows something's off with her, Santana was never this mean. Brittany had always been a sweetheart, a little bit of a ditz, so sometimes she doesn't understand the full weight of her words and how they can come across as hurtful insults. But Quinn and Santana? Sue trained them to be cruel, but they were not trained to be this cruel. They were trained to intimidate when they feel threatened, never show anyone that you're weak. So she doesn't understand why Santana rips into everyone all the time, constantly attacking people and bringing them down. Only Rachel, but that's because she's trying to steal her boyfriend.
She knows there's probably something wrong and it probably has something to do with Brittnay. Santana only started to become unnecessarily rude when Brittnay had started dating Artie. She has a hunch that Santana might not be straight, they were best friends after all she knows those two girls pretty well.
But Santana helped break her heart, so there's no way Quinn will bother putting in the effort to figure it out.
She hates this week's assignment. Acceptance? Who cares about self-acceptance. It's all about how others perceive you, that is what's truly important.
She wonders if Mr. Schue is serious about all of them singing a song. Usually when they all have an assignment Rachel, Finn, and Mercedes always go, sometimes Artie and Santana, but not everyone. Her and Tina never sing solos, and everyone knows that Mike can't sing, so will he really care if she chooses to sit this one out?
She is kind of excited about the Lady Gaga group number. The girls and Kurt killed their Bad Romance number last year. But then Ms. Pillsbury tells them about the white shirts they have to wear and all she can think of is how dare Mr. Schue ruin Lady Gaga for her? Quinn doesn't have flaws, at least any she would be willing to share with everyone else.
But then she sees Ms. Pillsbury's shirt and how it says Ginger and thinks okay, maybe I can just write 'sometimes mean' or something like that on it. Something I can't do well, like be nice, but something not too deep.
She's kind of surprised when Rachel asks her to go to her appointment with her because she wants to use her nose as reference. What if the doctor realizes that hers isn't real either?
But she plays it off like she's shocked more girls haven't wanted a nose like hers before. And then changes the subject to prom because if she doesn't focus on prom she's going to have to realize that her life is practically a trainwreck.
But then Rachel's asking her what it feels like to look like her and Quinn would do anything to change the subject again. Because Quinn was not born looking like this, so in reality she has no idea how it feels. And pretending like she does? It's exhausting.
But she plays it off like she does because what else is she supposed to do? But then the doctor comes in and she just knows that he knows her nose isn't real. And she prays on everything she loves that he doesn't call her out on it.
Rachel ropes her into singing a duet with her while they're taking pictures of both of their noses. Although she puts up this front that she doesn't want to do it, she's glad that she doesn't have to perform a number on her own. They decide on a mashup and Rachel even lets her pick one of the songs. She picks TLC's Unpretty, and of course Rachel picks a Broadway song.
She's nervous right before they're about to perform. It's an easy number, all she has to do is sit on a stool and sing, but she's never felt so vulnerable before. Not only because of this week's assignment, but because Quinn has never really sung solos before. Yeah she sang a solo during Funk Week last year, but she was so angry with the way her life was she didn't have time to think twice about how terrified she was to be singing on her own. And during her duet with Sam she mostly just focused on him and how he was rubbing circles into her hand. She's hoping people will just focus on Rachel's and how the sound of Rachel's voice kind of drowns out her own.
She tries not to look at anyone while she's singing, looking over their heads or at Rachel instead. She also tries not to focus on the words, if she thinks too much about them she might start crying. But then she sees Rachel's face after they have finished and how distressed she looks, and it almost sends Quinn over the edge. But as she's said before, Quinn Fabray does not have slip ups. So she bites down on her bottom lip and looks down to keep composed.
She almost dies in that hallway when she sees Lauren Zizes' poster taped up on a wall. Lauren? Why would Lauren want to be prom queen. Why does everyone keep wanting to take things from her? Why can't they just let her have one little thing that makes her happy.
So she storms up to Lauren and asks her what she's doing and cannot believe her ears when Lauren tells her that she's running for prom queen.
"As a joke, right?" Lauren can't be serious. Does Lauren actually think people will want to vote for her? Lauren is not prom queen material? But before Quinn can stop herself, she's snapping at Lauren because when Quinn feels threatened, she goes off so she doesn't show any real emotion. Being a bitch is better than looking weak. And then Lauren has the audacity to tell her that the student body wants a queen that looks like them, which is absolutely ridiculous and could not be farther from the truth. If they wanted a queen like them she wouldn't have tried so hard to change the way she looked.
And how dare Lauren call her two-faced. She's not wrong, but Quinn isn't going to tell her that. She's fuming, standing there listening to Lauren say all this crap about her, Lauren knows nothing about her. But it's fine because she's about too, she just made it personal.
She's standing at her locker when Finn starts to go off about Rachel. She can't believe he is giving her crap about what she's doing to the girl. Rachel made that choice on her own, Quinn didn't make her do anything. She's getting kind of sick and tired of Finn protecting Rachel. She's his girlfriend, not Rachel. Why would Finn go after Quinn while she was with Sam if he wanted to be with Rachel?
And yes, Quinn is helping Rachel with her nose job. But if it wasn't Quinn helping her she knows Rachel would just run to any other girl. Brittany would definitely do it if it wasn't Quinn. She tries to explain that to him on their way to Glee club, but he isn't having it, telling her "I love this assignment" as if it's a dig at her.
He doesn't take a seat next to her and she rolls her eyes when she realizes it's because he's performing today, of course he is. Because Finn just loves this assignment with a capital L.
She feels bittersweet about how seriously Finn is taking the assignment. He spent so much time with Mike learning a dance routine, as well as preparing a song and it makes her sick because she knows that it's all for Rachel. Which she does not understand at all because how does it affect him if Rachel gets a nose job?
She doesn't know why she feels personally attacked by Tina's self-acceptance rant. You can still love yourself and want to slightly change things about your appearance, there is nothing wrong with that. But it's Finn practically begging Rachel not to change herself that gets on her nerves, why does he care so much if he doesn't feel anything for her anymore.
As soon as she hears Karofsky say that Santana has shown him "the light", she knows everything he is saying is absolute crap. And Kurt, how could Santana do this to Kurt? And what about Sam, her boyfriend? Quinn is livid.
And then she has the balls to say that the Glee club isn't complete without Kurt. She knows Santana, they have practically been best friends their entire lives. Santana does not do things for other people unless there is something for her in return.
And then finally, the other shoe drops. She thinks she might actually be sick that Santana is dating the guy that tormented Kurt. She knew Santana was a bitch, but this? Beyond cruel. Even she wouldn't cross that line, and Quinn could be ruthless.
But then she looks at Sam, how upset he looks. Did Santana even care about him at all throughout their relationship? Like yes, Quinn doesn't love Finn, but she still cares about him. She wouldn't dump him in front of everyone for someone else. Especially not someone who has mercilessly bullied them.
She's excited to see Kurt come back. Yes the two of them were never really close, but while she was living with Mercedes last year while she would sometimes hang out with Kurt, and now that she's back she's hoping to maybe get that friendship back. Plus she could really use his vote for prom queen.
But besides that, she could really use a friend. A friend who doesn't backstab her or tries to take her boyfriend. She's so lonely, her mom is never home, her friends are constantly turning on her, and her boyfriend is always with his ex-girlfriend who she can't stand. Quinn is tired of having no one but herself.
She's tired of looking around Glee club and contemplating if she sat next to this person, if they would become good friends. She was close with Tina for a while because Mike and Sam are best friends, but now it's just awkward. Santana is an obvious no. Brittany is okay, but along with the rest of the Cheerios she's an airhead and can't keep a secret to save her life. Rachel is the worst, and Mercedes has become close friends with Santana ever since their duet.
So she's excited to possibly re-spark a friendship with Kurt again. And he's step-brother with Finn, so that's a plus.
She's walking to her study block when she hears it. She stops in her tracks, but then tells herself that anyone could have the name, it's a popular name. But then she realizes that it was Lauren who said it, and she knows deep in her gut that it's no coincidence. She thinks maybe she heard her wrong the first time. There's no way Lauren knows her real name. No one here knows her real name, she made damn sure of it.
So she asks her, "what did you just call me?"
And of course, knowing her luck, Lauren's response is "well that certainly got your attention." And then she's asking if they can speak privately and is walking into an empty classroom and all Quinn wants to do in that moment is go home and cry.
She sits in front of Lauren, debating if she should apologize. They both know what this is about, but maybe if she tells her that she's sorry Lauren won't do what Quinn knows she wants to do.
Her ears are ringing, and she honestly doesn't hear half of what Lauren is saying. Why would she go through all of that trouble just to win a stupid crown. If Quinn knew that this is what possibly being prom queen was going to cost her she never would have run. She can't take it anymore, so she tells Lauren to stop and admits that the girl in the photo is her.
"My middle name is Quinn. I stopped going by Lucy because kids made up a mean nickname." Lauren tries to guess the nickname like this is all a joke, this is all somehow supposed to be funny. So Quinn tries to explain herself to gain a little empathy. "I hated the way I looked. I had zits, I was chubby. I felt terrible about myself." She doesn't tell Lauren that she still feels that way, the feeling of constant self-hatred has not disappeared as hard as she had tried. Only when she was with Sam and he would try and help her through it, but look at how she messed up that situation. But she continues because she needs Lauren to understand how badly she needs this to not get out. "I didn't have friends. Nobody would talk to me. I was the only kid at school who had to dissect their own frog because nobody would be my lab partner."
She sees the understanding on Lauren's face and she feels awful. Lauren is still so much cooler than Quinn was at her old school, but she knows Lauren gets it. And it makes Quinn feel nauseous. Because she has become the girl she used to hate, and she doesn't remember how or when she got to that point. But she continues anyways, telling her story to Lauren because she is tired of pretending.
"I joined ballet, lost a little bit of weight, found out I was athletic and joined gymnastics and then cheerleading. I went on Proactive for my acne, And then when my dad was transferred and got a raise I asked him if I could get a nose job. And he said yes. And then I asked them to call me Quinn."
Lauren asks her, "so you hate yourself?"
And she wants to tell Lauren that yes, yes she does. And she doesn't know how to make that feeling go away. Being herself didn't work and changing into an entirely new Barbie version did not make it any better. She's so miserable all of the time, so she takes her anger out on everyone else.
But then things changed. She had this knight in shining armour who would hug her in behind when he would find her crying at her reflection in the mirror because she had stared at herself for too long and started to see pieces of that chubby middle school girl. Who would help her breathe through her panic attacks when she felt like she was losing herself. The boy who was so goofy she couldn't focus on anything else but him. But then she lost him, and now she feels worse now than she ever did before.
But she's not going to tell Lauren that, so she tells her that she loves herself. And that's why she changed herself so much. She was miserable, and she still is, but being prom queen is going to change all that. And she thinks Lauren understands.
She's wrong, because Lauren tells her people aren't going to vote for her when they find out she's a fraud. She knows Lauren's going to tell everyone, and she's trying to keep in her tears because why doesn't Lauren understand how badly that will destroy her if she does. This is the only thing she has to keep her going right now, she can't lose it.
And then the bomb drops, Lauren's already exposed her secret. So she's running, pretending like if she can get there on time no one will see it before she takes it down. But she's too late because people are already pointing and laughing and staring. She rips the poster off like it's going to make a difference and then runs into the washroom sobbing. She knows that she can be rude, but how could Lauren do this to her? After everything Quinn has gone through, why does everyone want to keep tearing her down?
Of course they organize a flash mob for Rachel. Meanwhile Quinn skipped the rest of her day and spent the entire night crying because her life is ruined, and no one had even bothered to text her to ask her if she was okay. Not even Finn, who was probably too busy with Rachel's nose job crisis. Rachel Berry wants to make one alteration to her appearance and everyone acts like the world is ending. And then there's Quinn who has been miserable for weeks and no one has even noticed. Is she really that unimportant? She takes her anger out by not attending Rache's stupid flash mob, take that everyone. Which only really screws over Quinn anyways because nobody really notices. Or so she thinks.
She's wearing a pair of navy baggy sweatpants from her pregnancy days and an even baggier grey hoodie because she cannot stand to look at her body right now when the doorbell rings. She assumes it's for her mom so she doesn't bother to go check who it is, but then the doorbell rings again and she groans while ripping her blankets off of her realizing her mother probably isn't even home.
She's ready to tell who she's assuming are girl guides that she doesn't want any of their stupid cookies when she opens the door, but her voice gets caught in her throat because who is at her door is definitely not a girl guide.
"Sam?" He smiles at her slightly and scratches the back of his neck, something she knows he does when he's nervous.
"Hey." She doesn't know what to say, so she opens the door wider to indicate for him to come in, but he shakes his head. "Oh uh no, I'm not staying. I actually have plans with Santana after this." He doesn't look her in the eye while he tells her this, just shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at her potted plant by the door. She's about to tell him that if he's here to make her miserable again now is clearly not a good time, but he's talking again before she can start. "I saw the poster in the hallway." She wants to die because of course Lauren made multiple copies. "I tried to find you after school, but you were already gone."
He looks up at her now and she nods a few times trying desperately to find her voice. "Yeah I uhm, I left after I saw them." He nods as if he understands.
"You know I told you on our, first date," he pauses and says first date like it makes him uncomfortable to remember or talk about it and she has to blink away the tears forming in her eyes. "I told you that I put lemon juice in my hair to fit in. And I know that you would probably be really upset over all of this so I came over here to let you know that you're still the same person Quinn. This doesn't change who you are."
She opens her mouth to protest, but he shakes his head again, this time to indicate that he isn't finished.
"When I saw the poster, I didn't see what I know you think everyone else is going to see. A loser or a Lucy Caboosy, whatever the hell that is." He chucks and she smiles and him, a few tears escaping her eyes. "I just saw the girl I fell in love with."
He says it with a shrug and her breath catches. She wonders if he realizes the full weight of his words, what they mean. She knows that it won't change anything between them, she's still her and he's still hurting, but it gives her a lot of hope.
"Anyways, I got to go, but wanted to tell you that. Hopefully it cheers you up." He turns to head back to his truck, but she reaches between them and grabs his hand before he can get too far. She hugs him and feels him freeze, but a moment passes and then he's wrapping his arms around her small frame.
She whispers, "thank you" into his chest as her tears seep through his shirt. He just kisses the crown of her head before letting her go and heading down her front steps towards his truck.
Finn approaches her at her locker the next day and she's in too much of a good mood from yesterday to be annoyed that it took him this long to attempt to comfort her. Although she is upset about how her campaign is now over, so she tells him about that. Finn doesn't comment on any of it, asking her if he can show her something instead.
And then he's pulling a photo out of her wallet and it's that stupid Lucy photo. Is he doing this to hurt her, did he see Sam at her house yesterday? Him saying he likes that photo better has to be some sort of joke. So she asks him, "why?".
Because she looks awful, and she tells him that. Why is he torturing her like this? But then he's telling her it's the first photo where you can really see her. And she smiles and kisses him even though she's picturing that he's Sam the entire time. And any feelings of annoyance or jealousy towards Rachel? Fade away.
She overhears girls call her an inspiration, and she thinks it's a joke. People see her like that and feel inspired? There's no way. But it makes her feel happy, genuinely happy, and she hasn't felt like that in a long time.
But Lauren starts walking next to her and that happiness fades away. She swears that if Lauren pulls out a picture of her dad's mistress next she will seriously transfer schools, prom queen and Glee club be damned.
She tells her about Jacob's polls instead, how they have her up by forty percent and now all Quinn feels is confused. Then Lauren's apologizing, and that confusion turns into shock and surprise. And it makes her gain respect for Lauren, so she tells her that because she deserves to hear it.
"I had to get a nose job and go on a crazy diet to walk around this school like I owned it. And you just do it." And the smile that appears on Lauren's face after she tells her that makes it totally worth it.
Lauren's joking with her, and she's joking back and she realizes that maybe she doesn't need Kurt as a new best friend, maybe Lauren will do.
She goes with Lucy Caboosy as the word on her shirt and then meets everyone in the auditorium with Lauren. No one has seen her shirt yet except for Lauren who helped her do it. She laughs at Mr. Schue's shirt, but is secretly thinking there are probably other things he could have gone with. His buttchin? That's the thing he's insecure about? She doesn't know how to feel when Rachel tells them that she cancelled her appointment. She kind of envies Rachel, how everyone says they hate her and finds her annoying but whenever she's down they're there to pick her back up. She thinks maybe that's why she pushed so hard for Rachel to get the nose job, because she wished she had people like that.
Her heart breaks for Sam when he says Santana is probably off making out with Karofsky somewhere when Artie asks where she is. Her heart also breaks because she hasn't realized he had actually had feelings for her. But Mike is patting his back and Tina is squeezing his hand and she's glad if he doesn't have her or Santana anymore at least he still has them.
She, Finn and Sam are high fiving after the number which Quinn finds too good to be true, but she goes along with it before Sam realizes he still hates the both of them. When Finn runs off to Puck, Sam looks down at her shirt and then at her. She bites her lip because she doesn't know what he's going to say. He doesn't say anything though, just winks at her before Mike pulls him away and she places her hand over her heart to make sure that it's still beating.