Hello and welcome to season 3! So a few notes beforehand. I know Quinn is the one who helps Puck pass his retest/exam and they grow closer in season three and he sort of helps her out of her Skank phase, but I'm changing it so that Puck passes the first time when the Glee boys tutored him. I'm also changing it so that when Quinn goes to babysit Beth she goes alone and she doesn't plant all that stuff in Shelby's apartment, something else happens instead (you'll have to read to find out (; ). Kurt will take more of a role in helping out Quinn when she becomes Skank Quinn because I adore the idea of the two of them being besties.
My reasoning for this is because Puck and Quinn's relationship always made me a tad uncomfortable. They were definitely cute together, and that baking scene in S1 was adorable, but the foundation of their relationship was based on him helping her cheat on Finn, and that is where my problem is. Not that he helped her cheat, but how he did. The whole idea of getting Quinn drunk on wine coolers did not sit right with me, it just felt like the situation was non-consensual. I know Puck had good character development, but he has never really been my favourite character anyways. I'm not going to get too into it because I know people have different opinions, but that is mine and that is why Puck will not be playing a big part in Quinn's S3 storyline, or a major part in this story at all. I don't know what I'll do when I get to S5, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there!
The Purple Piano Project
She thought that dyeing her hair pink and getting a stupid fake Ryan Secreast tattoo would be able to distract her from how empty she feels inside. That the attention and shock she got from her classmates while she walked down hallways and into classrooms would distract her from the fact that she hasn't felt whole in a year, but nothing does. She smokes cigarettes because it numbs everything for a few solid minutes, and it keeps people away from her. Instead of pompoms and a short skirt she uses a nose ring and a bad attitude as an intimidation tactic.
She's made new friends. And yeah, maybe they don't see that she's suffocating either, just how none of her Glee friends had, but at least they're able to help distract her from the pain.
She meets Brittnay and Santana at the fence because part of her misses them, and the other part of her knows that this is finally the opportunity she's been waiting for to tell Santana what she really thinks of the way she treated her.
She's only half paying attention to what they're saying. This summer taught her a lot of things. She and Santana had been best friends first before they had met Brittnay, and Santana had never done half the stuff she did to her that she had done to Brittnay.
She notices Brittnay nodding and agreeing to something Santana had said and tries her hardest to remember what it was. She hasn't had anything except for cigarettes yet and behind her black sunglasses she knows she probably looks like she could pass out at any second.
"We're like besties for life." Santana tells her and Quinn laughs. She knows it doesn't go well with the look that she's trying to portray, like she's too cool to actually care about anything. But besties for life? Could not be farther from the truth.
"How are we besties for life Santana? Look at all the crap that we've done to each other. I told Coach Sylvester about your boob job to become cheer captain, you tried to hook up with Puck while I was pregnant, and you stole my boyfriend last year. How could you do that to me if we were 'like besties for life'?" She coughs to cover up the fact that her voice broke at the end. She tries to remember what things were like before this, before highschool popularity and hormones.
She looks away as soon as she sees the guilt in Santana's eyes, she has come too far to fall apart again.
"Come on Quinn, you can't break up the Unholy Trinity." The desperation in Santana's voice washes over her body in waves, but she bites her tongue so she doesn't say anything she'll regret later.
"People grow apart. Deal with it. I've got new friends now, and they accept me for who I am." She knows that neither of them will see the tears escaping her eyes as she walks away from them. Part of her hopes that they'll leave her alone now, let her self-destruct in peace. The other part hopes that they can tell that this is a cry out for help, I'm broken, please help fix me.
She expected Santana and Brittnay because despite the three of them constantly doing things to screw each other over, they're all still best friends. She thought maybe Finn or even Tina would come next. Maybe her and Tina would joke about switching looks over the summer, but the person she did not expect to see try to convince her to go back? Rachel Berry.
She wants to tell Rachel that she's wrong, they were never friends. Friends don't do to each other what the two of them did to each other. And she's shocked at how much Rachel has been paying attention. How her cutting off all of her hair before Nationals was not just because she wanted to get a new haircut. She thinks that the rumours about her must be pretty bad if people are thinking she's dating a forty-year-old skateboarder, but she doesn't care enough to correct it. Rachel's speech is just making her depressed, she doesn't want to hear about how much she's spiralled, it just reminds her of everything she's lost.
So she cuts her off and tells her, "I'm not coming back to Glee Club."
The recruiting number does sound really cool, and yeah she will admit she listens to the Go-Go's. Her and Sam used to listen to them all the time in his truck when she was tired of hearing his country albums.
Rachel's sorry that she's sad? Does she not realize that she's partially the reason? She wants to laugh but her lungs hurt from the cigarettes she's been smoking. Family my ass she thinks. Each of those members have sold each other down the river more than anyone else ever has. How is that a family? They only ever notice things are wrong with another member when it's too late. She doesn't need people like that. They don't really care about each other.
He can't believe his eyes when he sees Jacob Ben Israel's latest point, Quinn Fabray: Good girl finally gone bad? Bad? There's no way that's Quinn. He just saw her about a month ago, she didn't have pink hair or a nose ring, there's no way. But those eyes, he knows those eyes. Those are Quinn Fabray's eyes. So he calls the only person he knows who can give him some sort of explanation.
He doesn't say hello when Kurt answers, just asks him "what the fuck is going on with Quinn?"
He rolls his eyes when Kurt responds back "well hello to you too Samuel." He knows it's been a while since he last talked to Kurt, so he kind of feels bad that he didn't ask Kurt how he was first, but he hopes Kurt will understand.
"What happened to her? And why didn't you tell me? I had to find out from JBI's stupid blog" He doesn't get it, Quinn was fine when they last saw each other, she seemed genuinely happy. What changed? He hears Kurt sigh and his body fills with worry. Something really bad must have happened to her to push her over the edge like this.
"I don't know." Kurt tells him, ignoring Sam's second question about why none of them told him. He doesn't know? How could he not know? School started a week ago, no one thought to ask her what's wrong? But before he can ask more questions, Kurt gives him a few more answers. "She stopped hanging out with all of us two weeks before school started and the next time we saw her, she was walking down the hallway with pink hair and ripped black clothing. Santana and Brittnay tried talking to her, Rachel too, she wasn't interested." He doesn't focus on who tried to talk to her, his mind keeps replaying two weeks before school started in his head, why does that sound so familiar? Then it clicks, Sam saw her two weeks before school started.
"Shit." He couldn't have been the one to push her off the edge, could he? But that's the only thing that makes sense, unless something happened immediately after she got home. He never called her like he said he would, and he gave her the worst response when she told him it was great seeing him. He feels like such a moron, Quinn is so fragile and he had always tried so hard to keep everyone from breaking her. Who knew in the end that the one to do it would be him.
"What?" He forgets that Kurt is on the other end of the line. He debates if he should tell Kurt. He feels like there was a nonverable agreeance between him and Quinn to not tell anyone about how she went to visit him, but he's worried about her and doesn't know what else to do.
"Kurt I slept with her." He flinches on his end when Kurt screams back in response YOU WHAT? and the details are pouring out of his mouth before he can stop himself. "She came to see me saying I didn't give her a proper goodbye or something and then we just started talking and she apologized and I just felt like kissing her and then it just happened."
Kurt just snorts in response and tells him, "if I'm being honest with you Sam, I don't think she fell off the deep end because the two of you slept together."
"No Kurt, I told her that I would call her and I never did. And then she texted me a few days later saying how it was great to see me or something like that and I just sent 'yeah' in response. It's the only thing that makes sense, unless something else happened to her." And then it clicked for Kurt. What Quinn had told him at Jean's funeral, how she had avoided him and declined his offers to hang out whenever he had been with Mercedes, and then how he had held her as she sobbed after Sam had left. She still loved him.
Oh Sam, he thinks. You have no idea. But he won't do that to Quinn or Mercedes, this is a mess they all need to deal with on their own, what he does tell Sam is that he will look out for Quinn, and then he hangs up before he can reveal something he shouldn't.
Kurt finds her on the bleachers alone during lunch hour the next day. She's smoking a cigarette and he scrunches his nose up in disgust. He remembers a time where he and Quinn would bond over their mutual hatred for cigarette smoke, how did things go so south so quickly?
He takes a seat next to her on the top bleacher and she looks surprised to see him. He looks down at her cigarette and she puts it out, embarrassed.
"He called me." he tells her without looking at her, staring at the soccer team practicing on the field instead. Her head whips towards him, but she doesn't ask who he's talking about. They both already know. "He went off on me for not telling me about your new look. He was pissed that he had to find out from Jacob Ben Israel's Glee blog."
He moved, why would he still be keeping tabs on all of them? He must have new friends now. A small part of her thinks maybe he isn't, maybe he is just paying attention to her and what she's doing, but before she can think too much about it, she convinces herself that it's ridiculous.
"He told me about you two." Kurt still won't look at her which is driving her crazy because she can't read him if he's not looking at her in the eyes. "He told me that you slept together." She cringes at what Kurt must think of her, Mercedes is his best friend and she slept with her ex-boyfriend, who is also her ex-boyfriend but still. But before she can make any guesses Kurt finally looks at her and places his hand over her knee. "He's worried about you."
She quickly wipes a tear that escapes from her eye before he can see it. She knows he has. She doesn't say anything, if Sam cared about her he would have called her instead. He would have called her three weeks ago like he said he would.
"This isn't you Quinn, and you know it." She internally thanks Kurt for changing the subject, her heart hurts too much from constantly thinking and talking about Sam. But this new topic isn't exactly ideal.
"Then who is?" She doesn't try to put up a fake persona with Kurt, she knows he'll see right through it. And if she's being honest? He's really the only person she really trusts. She trusts him more than she trusts herself.
"I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing: this isn't going to help you find her." He pats her leg and then stands up and heads back down the bleacher steps, leaving her to let his words sink in.
She realizes she must have missed a lot when she sees Blaine performing It's Not Unusual in the courtyard. When did he even transfer from Dalton? She sees the Cheerios pour gasoline on one of the pianos and knows Santana probably has something to do with it. Normally she wouldn't participate in this sort of thing, as soon as she realized she actually enjoyed being in Glee Club she separated it from the Cheerios, regardless of how badly Coach Sue wanted her, Santana and Brittnay to sabotage them. She thought Santana was always on the same page as her, but she guesses not. She feels jealous of how fun everyone is having, so she throws her used cigarette on the piano.
She doesn't know why she shows up to the auditorium. She's felt like punishing herself lately. She gets a call from Sam while she's watching them all perform and curses, declining quickly so they don't hear her ringtone.
She looks down at the message he sends her shortly after. Q, I think we need to talk. She scoffs and rolls her eyes, ignoring the tears that fill up in them. She doesn't reply.
I Am Unicorn
It only takes her two weeks before she starts hating herself again, more this time than ever before. Pushing girls heads into toilets so they will give her and The Skanks their lunch money? That's not who she is. Yes Quinn has been cruel in the past, but this is crossing the line, she knows it is.
She tries to light a cigarette before Sue starts lecturing her. She wants to be numb before she starts ripping into her, she doesn't have enough self-confidence anymore to take it like she used to. But then she asks her, "it really does make you look cooler doesn't it?" and it just makes her confused.
She doesn't know what to say to that. She assumes Sue is only here to convince her to join the cheerios again, so she tells her "sorry coach, you have no power over me anymore, 'cause I got nothing left to lose."
She's trying to figure out what Sue's game is here. Is she just here to tortue her for last year because her, Santana, and Brittnay had all quit causing her to lose her regionals?
Of course Sue blames the Glee Club, meanwhile when you join the Cheerios along with prom proms and a uniform you also develop an eating disorder, but Quinn doesn't bother telling Sue that, she knows there's no point.
She could not care less about Sue's stupid campaign video, but she decides if she is going to do it she might as well get something out of it. So she tells her she wants couches under the bleachers because she knows what she really wants, Sue won't be able to give her. And she can't think of anything else at the moment.
Kurt grabs her arm as soon as she exits the washroom. She rolls her eyes and tries to break free, but it's like he has a death grip.
"Look Kurt, whatever this is about I don't really have time for, I have to meet the Skanks on the roof." He shushes her and pulls her into what she thinks is an empty classroom.
Anything else she was thinking of saying leaves her mind as she sees Shelby sitting at a piano. She can't believe Kurt would do this to her, the two of them would ambush her like this.
She doesn't know what to say, she tries to turn around to leave but Kurt steps in front of her shaking his head. So she turns back around and says "you're back." while crossing her arms. She doesn't care about how Shelby went to New York, about how she is mothering her daughter. Is she doing this to make her miserable? To tortue her because she has her daughter and Quinn doesn't?
She cuts her off because hearing about Beth is starting to make her feel sick. She doesn't want to hear about it anymore, so she tries to turn around again, but both Shelby and Kurt plead with her to just hear Shelby out.
She's not going to pass up the opportunity to see her daughter, so she asks Shelby "when do I get to see her?"
She doesn't need Shelby to ask her what's wrong because she's fine. She's content being this way, she likes the look she has now. How dare Shelby give her an ultimatum, to change the way she is or else she can't see her child. So she snaps.
"You think you can tell me what to do? Just cause you signed a couple of papers? You're not her mom! I'm her mom! Me! So you can pretend all you want, but that is something you are never going to be."
She walks out after that and this time the both of them let her.
Kurt finds her sitting on the floor of the girls washroom crying. She doesn't look up as he walks in, just asks him "why would you do that to me?"
He sits down next to her, not before making a face at how dirty the floor is. "I heard she was back from Rachel. I thought you might want to see Beth."
She shakes her head and screams at him "I was fine without knowing her! I was fine without having her here!" She's furious. Yes there were moments where she missed Beth like crazy, but she knew she did the right thing. She herself was a child, she wouldn't have been able to support Beth. She gave her daughter the life she deserved, but that doesn't mean she doesn't wish everyday that she could have been the one to give it to her.
He wipes away a few of her tears and tells her, "you deserve some sort of happiness Quinn, and Beth deserves to know who her biological mother is. But the question is, do you want her to know you like this?"
Of course she doesn't, she wants all of her children to be proud of who she was, but she doesn't know how to get there, so she just sobs into Kurt's shoulder as he pats her hair soothingly.
She calls him crying later that night, she doesn't know why but he's the first person she thinks of. She doesn't expect him to answer, but he does just when she's about to hang up. "Quinn?" He sounds out of breath, and there is stuff moving in the background.
"If you're busy it's okay." She wants her voice to come off as mean, like she doesn't really need him, but instead it sounds like it's obvious that she's crying.
"No hey, what's wrong? I'm not busy at all, I'm just attempting to unpack the last of my boxes for my room." The fact that it's been about two months and he's still not unpacked makes her let out a breathy laugh and she can practically see him smiling on the other end of the phone.
"Shelby's back." She hears something fall and him curse so she asks him quickly "are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine that just caught me by surprise." She laughs quietly, remembering how clumsy he is when caught off guard. "Wait Shelby? I thought she left Lima after adopting Beth."
"Yeah she did, but now she's back and she's giving me this ultimatum that I can't see Beth until I pretty much go back to how I was before. Which is such crap because I'm her mother, I should be allowed to see her no matter what. She can't just dangle the possibility of a relationship with her like that."
He listens to her ramble, knowing she only does it when she doesn't feel in control of a situation. He's not paying as much attention to her as he probably should be, instead trying to find a good place to show off the limited edition Marvel comic he just got. He lets her finish, and then gives her the advice he knows she probably won't want to hear.
"Look Q, you just need to decide what's more important, having a relationship with Beth or keeping this Skank look." He hears her scoff and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing.
She sighs and decides that she doesn't want to talk about this anymore, so she tells him to tell her about how he's been settling in, while she gets into bed, eventually falling asleep to the sound of his voice.
She thinks Sue's idea for her video is dumb. She expects to win congress like this? How will any of this possibly showcase how the arts ruined her life? She doesn't even snort Splenda or cut class. Yeah she doesn't really care about anything anymore, but she's not going to risk not graduating.
She doesn't even smoke corn starch, and how did Sue even manage to get it into her locker? She ignores Becky's comment and follows them as they drag her into Mr. Schue's office.
She doesn't believe half of the stuff Sue is making her say, she knows that Glee Club didn't make her lose any of those things, but she needs to let her anger out somehow. She's only sorry that Mr. Scue is the unfortunate victim.
Mr. Schue has never called her Ms. Fabray so she's a little terrified. She doesn't know what he's going to say, but she has a feeling it's going to be a whole lot of what she doesn't want to hear.
She can't believe him, thinking she only cares about herself, he has no idea what she's dealing with. But before she can tell him, he slams a fist down on his desk and continues. She hates that he's right, she has been selfish towards everyone in that Glee Club, she should have treated them all better, especially Mercedes. So she storms out of his office because even though everything he said was the truth, there is no way she is willing to tell him that.
She feels uneasy as soon as Puck enters the girls washroom. She doesn't like being alone with him for obvious reasons. She appreciates all that he had done for her while she was pregnant, but after realizing a few things their whole 'relationship' if she can even call it that, makes her sick.
She tells him that he can't be in the girls washroom as a way of telling him she doesn't want him near her, hoping he will take the hint and leave. Of course he doesn't.
Who is he to tell her that she needs to get it together? This is the guy that went to juvie for stealing an atm. She tells him that everyone (when she really means him and Shelby) needs to leave her alone, she's fine the way she is.
But then he tells her that she saw Beth, how she looks like the old her and she feels nauseous. Shelby let Puck, who has a criminal record might she add, she Beth? It's crap. Yeah Quinn looks like a mess and smokes a lot, but she's on top of everything. She still gets good grades and goes to class, Puck doesn't even go most days. He's a terrible role model for Beth, it's bullshit.
She tells him she doesn't care, that it doesn't matter. Neither of them are parent material anyways. He tells her that they can be and she laughs because there is no way the two of them will ever be together. But she guesses that doesn't really matter to him since he tells her that he doesn't care about her, he just cares about Beth.
He tells her that Beth needs her in her life and she almost believes him. Almost. What could Beth need with her? Why would she possibly want a relationship with the woman who gave her up? Even if Quinn does decide to have a relationship with her, Beth will probably grow up thinking Quinn didn't want her. She tries to convince herself that it will be easier for the both of them if she just stays away.
She's not entirely sure why she decides to visit Shelby. Well she does know why, she wants to see her daughter, but that doesn't go well with the whole I don't care about anything look so she pretends like she doesn't.
She starts off easy, telling Shelby that Sabrina or whatever her name is, is hopeless. But Shelby isn't here for small talk, she asks her what happened to her, before correcting herself and telling her that she knows what happened. That the same thing had happened to her when she had given up Rachel.
She makes jokes with Shelby because she knows that if she wants any relationship with her daughter she's going to have to play nice, despite how badly she doesn't want to.
She's tired of everyone trying to tell her how much better off she is looking the way she looked before. She was miserable the way she was: blonde, skinny, and perfect. It was exhausting, trying so hard to be the perfect pretty girl everyone wanted to either be or be with. She might still be miserable, but at least that pressure is gone.
Shelby doesn't know anything about her, so does it really matter if she doesn't think this is the real her or not? And finding herself? Really? Does Shelby not see that ever since she gave up Beth all she has been trying to do is find herself? But nothing is working.
She's tired of the lectures, she has nothing left to say about any of them, so she asks Shelby, "can I see her? I know Puck got to." She keeps her voice calm even though she's rageful on the inside. She knows her look is a little much, but Shelby won't even let her see a photo? Really?
But then Shelby caves, of course choosing a photo of Puck holding her just to rub it in. She's perfect, blonde and brown eyed. She looks just like her and it makes her cry. She doesn't care if it makes her look like she's weak, or she actually cares about something. She just wants to see her daughter.
After dinner she heads upstairs and starts on her homework. She waits for Sam's call on her computer. The two of them had made a routine out of Facetiming each other after dinner until it's time for both of them to sleep. She knows Sam is just doing it so he can keep an eye on her, but she doesn't mind. She likes the company.
He calls her after she's finished labelling a diagram of the respiratory system for Biology, hair wet from a fresh shower. She assumes it's because he has just returned from football practice.
"You know, it's kind of ironic seeing a Skank keep up with her homework." He tells her chuckling. She rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at him in response. She's gotten used to him poking fun at her look. The first time they had decided Facetiming was probably better than calling, his eyes had nearly bugged out of his head after seeing her.
She tries not to wear too much makeup when they're on call, knowing he always liked her more naturally. She also retires the hat and wears her pyjamas, she feels more comfortable that way anyways. The netting and holes in her clothes make her itchy.
"I saw a picture of Beth today." She doesn't know why she tells him, she doesn't really want to talk about it, but she also wants to feel like if she did she had someone.
He tries not to react too much. He knows if he shows any reaction on his face it might scare Quinn off and cause her to shut down. He knows how she works, how you need to tread carefully around her.
"Apparently Puck has seen her. She looks just like me." She doesn't look at him while telling him this, just focuses on her homework. She's scared if she looks up, she'll start crying.
She knows what he's going to say, so when he sighs and says "well you know what Shelby wants you to do if you want to see her." she isn't surprised. She also wishes it wasn't the answer.
She changes the subject, asking him about how he did on his Algebra test today, laughing as he groans and throws his head starting off with how his day started.
She decides that this whole not caring about the world thing is not working for her, so she decides that she might as well get back the only thing she's ever done right, her daughter.
She dyes her hair back blonde and throws out all her black clothing. Her whole change back takes up most of the day so she jumps when her computer starts going off with an incoming Facetime call.
She feels giddy when she clicks accept, watching as Sam appears on her screen. He does a double take when he sees her and his mouth drops open. "Quinn wow, you look great." She frowns a little bit and he must notice because he quickly adds "not that you didn't look better before, I just kind of like this version better."
She looks into the mirror on her desk and tells him, "yeah, I think I do too."
She's a little nervous to rejoin Glee Club, she's a little afraid that Mr. Schue won't let her back in because of their last conversation. She tells Kurt she wants to come back and after about ten text messages of him telling her how happy he is to hear it, he tells her about the boot camp in the auditorium.
She feels relief wash over her when Mr. Schue tells her that it would be fine if she joined in. She hugs Mercedes and Mike, excited to be back. Even though she'll never admit it, she missed Glee Club.
She stands beside Kurt, who grabs her hand and tells her that he's proud of her. She doesn't tell him that the only reason why she's doing this is so she can get her daughter back, just smiles and squeezes his hand.
She goes to Glee rehearsal the next day earlier than usual so she doesn't draw much attention to herself, sitting between Kurt and Mercedes. Though her plan fails because everyone tells her how glad they are to see her and how much they missed her as soon as they see her.
Mr. Schue walks in a few minutes later talking about their plan for the next week. "But before we get into that, we have a tradition where all new or rejoining members must sing a solo as a welcome, or in this case welcome back. So Quinn, the floor is yours."
He goes and sits next to Artie and she is frozen in shock. A solo? Quinn doesn't sing solos, and she has nothing prepared. Kurt and Mercedes are pushing her upwards and before she realizes it she's standing in front of everyone.
She rubs her arm nervously and tells them "I wasn't expecting to sing so if I sound a little rusty I apologize, it might also be all the cigarettes." She gets a laugh out of them which makes her calm a little bit. She turns to tell Brad her song of choice and then closes her eyes and starts singing once she hears her cue.
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
She thinks about Sam and her nerves wash away. How the first time she ever heard this song reminded her so much of him, of them and how she had ruined everything.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die
She thinks about how good he was to her, how much he was willing to do for her and she had just cheated on him with Finn.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
She wishes he was here, maybe then he would know how sorry she was, how badly she wishes that she could take it all back.
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
She doesn't tell him about the nights she's spent awake overthinking. Wondering how things could have been different had she just not listened to Finn. She wonders if she ever told Sam any of this, whether it would make a difference.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger's side
And I realized I loved you in the fall
She thinks about all the times they spent in his truck. Listening to his music that started to grow on her, both of them singing obnoxiously with the windows rolled down. She knew then even after all the time had passed, she still loved him.
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
She wishes she would have told him that night on the couch while they were watching Star Wars. Maybe if she would have just told him she was second guessing herself because she was beginning to fall in love with him, he would have understood. Maybe he would have forgiven her and she wouldn't be the mess she is now.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom and ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
She thinks about how he would hold her while she cried. It happened more often than she allowed people to think. Randomly when she would think of Beth, he would always take her out for ice cream after. Or when she would cry after looking at herself in the mirror, he would stand behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, kissing behind her ear and telling her that she would always look perfect to him.
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
Would he ever forgive her? If she ever mustered up enough strength to tell him how sorry she is, how she would give everything just to have him back, to be able to love him properly that time around, would he give it to her?
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
She remembers the times where she didn't think he would ever forgive her, how much more miserable she had been then. How painful it had been to love someone she knew hated her. No matter what she did, he would only remember that one thing she did to mess everything up.
But this is my swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
All the time
She opens her eyes once everyone stops clapping and smiles. She returns back to her seat embarrassed at the attention. Mercedes grabs her hand and tells her, "Puck's a lucky guy."
She feels the blood drain from her face. Puck? They think the song was about Puck? The idea of that makes her sick, but she smiles at Mercedes anyway.
She quickly gathers her things and leaves as soon as Mr. Schue dismisses them. She apparently doesn't leave fast enough because Kurt still manages to link his arm in hers as they walk out of the school together.
"I know a secret." He tells her in a sing-song voice.
She raises an eyebrow at him, "oh do you now?"
He laughs and says "I know who your song was about."
That causes her to stop in her tracks, forcing him to stop as well. "What?" she asks him, caught off guard.
It's not like she's exactly subtle about her feelings about Sam with Kurt, and she had told him she had still loved him at Jean's funeral last year. She just thought because he was best friends with Mercedes it would kind of be an unspoken secret between them.
"I know you Quinn, it wasn't about Puck it was about Sam." She opens and closes her mouth a few times, probably looking like a fish. Before she can think of something to say Kurt tells her, "you should tell him. Life is too short to live with regrets. I know that more than anyone."
Before she can respond, he leaves her standing alone in the parking lot, feet glued to the ground.
Pot o' Gold
She gets Shelby concealer because she can't think of anything else and she thinks it's a nice gesture. If Quinn was a single mother she would appreciate someone buying makeup for her. She goes into the teachers lounge at lunch, telling Shelby that if she ever needs some 'me time' she is willing to babysit, any day of her choosing, except for Tuesday's afterschool because she has God Squad meetings with Mercedes.
She thought forming a religious club for just the two of them was a little odd at first, but she enjoys the quality time she gets to spend with Mercedes, especially because Quinn can't see her now since she's quit Glee Club and joined Shelby's group, which is a topic both of them have agreed not to talk about.
But she tells Shelby that if she wanted Quinn to get to know Beth, this was the perfect opportunity, and if she needed someone to tell her about her babysitting skills to just as Mr. Schue.
She leaves the teachers lounge feeling the happiest she's felt all week.
She blames Mr. Schue for Mercedes leaving Glee Club, yes Mercedes is a little lazy, but Mr. Schue was a lot harder on her than she was on the rest of them. And she does have to agree with Rachel being his favourite.
She calls Sam before she goes to Shelby's. She tells him she's really excited and he tells her that it's nice seeing her this happy. He helps her pick an outfit because she's too nervous to decide on one.
She doesn't know what it is that makes her decide to tell him her plan, but she does so anyway. As soon as she tells him though she knows that she's made the wrong choice judging by his reaction.
"Quinn," he says while sighing. "Look, I know you miss Beth, but you're eighteen, you're not ready to be a mom. And if you think putting baby cannibal books or whatever you're planning to plant is going to get her back you're wrong, if they find out it was you no one will let you see her again. And if Beth grows up and finds out that you did it, you know she'll never forgive you. Don't do it."
She hadn't thought about what Beth would have thought, and curses at herself for being so stupid. She sighs and wipes the tears that have fallen from her eyes. "You're right it was dumb. She's just the only thing I've done right."
His face softens as he sees her tears and smiles. "Quinn, that's not true. I think you would benefit from talking to someone about this." She scoffs and checks the clock, looking for an out so she can avoid this conversation. Sam has been suggesting she go to therapy to work out her feelings and problems so she doesn't spiral again and each time he has brought it up she has been able to find an excuse.
She mumbles a quick thank you, God as the clock on her computer tells her that it's time to go. She tells him that she needs to leave and she will call him later to tell him how it went.
He rolls his eyes and tells her, "eventually we are going to finish this conversation."
Before she can think too much about it, she blows him a kiss and hangs up.
She tells Shelby she has her number in her own phone on speed dial in case anything happens. Her heart breaks a little as soon as Beth starts crying. She tries giving Beth her phone to calm her down, but that doesn't seem to be working. So she starts singing a little bit of You Are My Sunshine which thankfully gets her to stop crying.
She snaps a picture of them together, sending it to a couple of her friends. She gets OMG Q! She looks just like you from Kurt, an adorable! from Mercedes and Tina, she's not a lizard baby? Jk super cute from Santana. Brittany had just responded asking Quinn when she got a doll that looked so real, which she ignored. Sam had sent her back, beautiful girls. She turned to Beth to ask her "isn't Sam just the sweetest?" She got a babble in response.
She reads to Beth a little, and plays with her on the ground, sending everyone as many snapchats as she can. Before she knows it Shelby is back thanking Quinn.
Before Quinn leaves she hugs Shelby, telling her, "thank you for this."
The next night on Facetime she tells Sam how it went. How happy she was and how her and Shelby arranged for her to come back next week to babysit again. She also tells him how hard it was for her to say goodbye.
"For a minute I thought about just taking her." She bites her lip waiting for Sam's reaction. As soon as he opens his mouth to respond, she starts rambling. "I know, it's wrong. But everybody has their big plans, colleges, New York, and what do I have? Beth is perfect, and she's my perfect thing. Something even I can't screw up. Do you know how hard it is to do something perfectly? So even if I never leave this town or accomplish anything, I'll have her to call mine."
"Q," Sam says softly. "This is why I think you should talk to someone, they can help you deal with all of this."
She sighs and nods her head. "Okay." she tells him, thinking maybe talking to someone about why I shouldn't kidnap my daughter would be a good idea.
He doesn't push it anymore she she changes the subject to what Mr. Schue has them doing for Glee Club that week.
She finds Kurt in the hallway a few days later straightening up his Student Election posters. "Hey Kurt!" she says, slightly running up to him.
He smiles when he sees her, "Quinn, hi! What can I do for you?" She links her arm into his as the two of them walk down the hallway towards Glee rehearsal.
"Do you know anyone that I can like, talk to?" He furrows his brow at her confused and she drops her voice down to a whisper. "Like a therapist or something?" He smiles and squeezes her hand.
"Yes of course! I can text you some referrals later tonight. I'm super proud of you Quinn, asking for help is never easy."
She shrugs her shoulders and tells him, "Sam kind of made me realize it would be a good idea."
He raises his eyebrows at her. "Sam huh? What's going on there?" He asks her while bumping his hip into hers.
She laughs while telling him, "nothing, nothing! We're just really close friends."
He shakes his head while laughing, saying "sure thing Fabray." as the two of them walk into the choir room.
She goes to the lady Kurt referred her to, using the money her dad sends her once a month to pay for it. She tells both Sam and Kurt how it went, and feels giddy at how happy and excited they are for her.
But she's not doing it for them, or Shelby, or even beth. She's doing it for her, and it feels good to finally do something good and healthy for herself for once.