Wow that took a lot longer than I wanted it too. I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out, I usually update every three days but I had the worst writer's block for this chapter. I hope the fact that it's super long makes up for it! Enjoy and of course reviews are always appreciated (:
Kurt and Quinn would be the biggest Swifties and no one can change my mind about that. The songs I used in this chapter were Wish You Were Here by Avril Lavigne, I'm Only Me When I'm With You by Taylor Swift, and One by Ed Sheeran.
On My Way
Becky Jackston tells her that coach Sue wants to see her while she's at her locker grabbing her books for her next class. She heads straight to Sue's office assuming it's urgent because Sue hasn't spoken to her since she ditched her congress video.
She knocks on the door before asking, "you wanted to see me?" She takes a seat next to Sue and faces her while she tells Quinn her big news.
Sue? With child? Is that even possible? She doesn't know what to say so she asks Sue, "are you serious?" so she can have some time to figure it out. There was a time where Sue was like a second mother to her. Quinn had just transferred to McKinley, she didn't know anyone, and Sue had taken her under her wing saying she was 'perfect Cheerio material.' It was the Cheerios where she met Santana and Brittnay, and it was the Cheerios that she found a way to escape from her constantly fighting parents and her middle school trauma.
But it was also Sue who confirmed to the entire student body that she was pregnant. It was also Sue who left her while she was at her weakest. It was Sue who was always forcing them to stay supermodel thin, forcing so many of those girls into unhealthy eating habits they will probably struggle with for the rest of their lives.
She asks who the father is even though she knows Sue probably won't tell her because she really doesn't know what else to say, and telling Sue "that's amazing, and confusing." makes things a little awkward.
She figures this is Sue's way of asking her for advice, telling her about the constant nausea and hormones she is dealing with, even though Quinn thinks she was probably better off never knowing that information.
She tells Sue that she ate saltines, drank herbal tea, and sucked on lollipops while she was pregnant to help deal with it. She gets an idea. She figured it was a long shot once she transformed back from Skank Quinn to Old Quinn because she's left the Cheerios twice and ditched Sue's video, but she takes the chance and asks Sue anyways because Sue asked her for advice, so that has to mean something.
"I wanted to ask you a favour actually coach, I would love to rejoin the Cheerios." She panics a little when Sue doesn't say yes right away so she continues. "It's my senior year, and I want to finish high school in a Cheerios uniform with a national championship. I mean other than Glee, this was the rest of my high school experience."
She understands where Sue is coming from, it is almost halfway through the year, but she always just thought that even though she's quit and left the Cheerios so many times, she remained one of Sue's favourites, but she guesses that she was wrong.
xxx
They tell them all about Karofsky during the morning announcements, that they have hired extra counsellors trained to deal with these kinds of 'situations' and to head to Ms. Pillsbury's office if anyone is interested, but Quinn doesn't understand it.
She has hit rock bottom more times than she can count, but she has never thought about doing that to herself. It's selfish in her opinion, what about all the people that person is going to leave behind?
They pray for Karofsky in their God Squad meeting and even though she doesn't understand it entirely herself, she is willing to pray for his healing. But she also thinks they should be praying for his family as well, and that is what they should start the meeting with.
"They could use the comfort more than he could." She tells the rest of her members. She could never leave her mom alone like that. Yes the two of them have never had the best relationship, but she still wouldn't be able to do it, they're all each other have.
She feels for Karofsky, she really does, but why couldn't he just transfer then? Or shut down his social media? She doesn't get why someone would want to do something so selfish. She knows she's probably being cruel, but she cannot wrap her mind around it.
"I went through the wringer, but I never got to that place."
"Quinn please. Sure, you had a baby when you were 16 and you had a bad dye job for two weeks, but seriously? The world never stopped loving you." She's hurt by Kurt's words. If the world loved her then, then how come it took people so long to realize how much she was hurting on the inside? She doesn't think she's that much different than Karofsky. Of course their situations are clearly not comparable, but both of them suffered on the inside.
"And you're going to Yale. You have no idea what Karofsky was struggling with." She was going to let Kurt have it because she knew he felt partially guilty for what happened to Karofsky, and because maybe she was being selfish herself, but to put her down because she has a different opinion than him? She might be one of Kurt's close friends, but that's not fair.
"You really want to try to compare-" But Kurt doesn't allow her to cut him off, he just continues as if she never said anything.
"The despair, the self-loathing."
She doesn't want to have this conversation with him because she knows they're never going to see eye-to-eye. So she tells him, "it doesn't matter. I just can't imagine things getting some messed-up that you would consider taking your own life."
She thinks that will be it, Kurt got the first word so she gets the last, but he's not satisfied, he continues going at her. "That is so harsh and reductive. Have some compassion."
Kurt tells him the students at his school are still tormenting Karofsky and she's frustrated because that's not what she meant. She didn't want this to happen to him, yes they never spoke and Karofsky was cruel to all of them in Glee Club, but she wouldn't wish this upon her worst enemy, she just doesn't understand why someone would want to do that to themselves or their family.
So she asks him, "why are you even here Kurt?" ignoring the way her voice breaks at the end because there is no way she will let him see how much his words affected her. "I thought you didn't believe in God."
Joe tells them he allowed it and Quinn decides that if Kurt wants to pray with them, that's fine, but she isn't going to stick around for it after what he just said to her, so she picks up her bag and says "excuse me." before walking out of the classroom.
xxx
They have an emergency Glee Club meeting in the auditorium afterschool. She's been avoiding everyone from Glee Club today, mostly those from the God Squad because she's hurt. She's tired of feeling like what she's dealing with doesn't matter.
Both Sam and Mercedes had sent her text messages after asking her if she was okay and that Kurt hadn't meant what he said, but she didn't reply to them. Sam had even called her a couple of times, but she ignored him. Even Santana had sent her a message saying that Sam had said something was wrong, but she doesn't care. She just wants to feel upset in peace.
She sits beside Sam and Mercedes on the stage and luckily neither of them ask her about it. Mercedes just smiles at her and she smiles back, and Sam just takes her hand and squeezes it. She can feel Kurt looking at her, but she doesn't look back.
She laughs at Rory's reaction to tasting peanut butter for the first time. She wishes that she had gotten this speech from Mr. Schue last year, or even at the beginning of this one. Before all the therapy and the fake tattoos that got people to finally realize 'perfect barbie Quinn Fabray' did not exist, she was just a mask.
Although she has never thought of taking her own life, she wishes she had someone to remind her of all the good experiences and the possibility of a million more new ones.
Sam goes first in telling everyone a big thing that he's looking forward to, telling all of them he's planning to buy a new house for his parents so they never have to worry about losing their home again. She grabs his hand off of his leg and squeezes it, not letting go afterwards. He smiles at her and she gives him a small smile back. She doesn't care how it will look to everyone else, she's his best friend and she's going to comfort him through everything that hurts him.
Even though it's not as deep or emotional as some people's answers, she shares that she's looking forward to graduating from Yale at the top of her class.
xxx
Since they have home court advantage this year, their Glee Club is able to get ready in the choir room like how they had for Sectionals.
Her and Tina find a corner near the back of the room to get each other ready. There isn't much to do for hair this year because they're all just wearing headbands and Quinn's hair is too short to do anything special, but she still allows Tina to put the headband in her hair because it's tradition.
She does Tina's makeup even though Tina is probably a lot better at eyeshadow than she is, Quinn's specialty is lipstick but they all decided they're probably better off not wearing any tonight, going for a more simple makeup look.
Kurt comes over to them after they've finished and asks if he can talk to her, but she excuses herself saying she needs to go to the washroom quickly before they have to go to the auditorium. He sighs, clearly frustrated and calls after her, but she doesn't turn around. She knows she's being unfair, but she's just not ready to forgive him yet.
She takes a seat next to Mike when she meets the rest of them in the auditorium so she can avoid both Kurt and Sam, who keeps looking at her as if he's trying to figure out if something's wrong.
They head back to the choir room to put some last touches on their outfits and makeup before they have to head on stage.
Of course Rachel and Finn are planning to get married later on today. She had gone bridesmaid dress shopping with the rest of the Glee girls and Kurt two weeks ago because Rachel had invited her, but her and Rachel had gotten into a small argument because she still thinks that Rachel is throwing her life away. She had left the shop after Rachel had told her that until she supports her and Finn's decision, she's not invited to their wedding. She still found a bridesmaid dress sitting outside her door with a sticky note saying in case you change your mind later that day.
She knows Rachel really wants her to go, and some part of her just tells her to shut up and go, it's not like it's her life that's being ruined. But she cares about Rachel, Finn too sort of. And she doesn't want to lie to her and pretend like she's supportive of Rachel making this decision when she's not.
Sam is her dance partner for Fly/I Believe I Can Fly. They're in the back so no one can hear him when he whispers in her ear "are you okay?" while he spins her. She nods her head slightly so the judges don't notice, but he doesn't look convinced.
While she's singing backup during Rachel's solo of Here's To Us she realizes there's no point of her being so bitter and angry at everyone else anymore. While she's hugging Tina and Brittnay she realizes life is too short to be mad forever, especially when she's only really mad at herself.
xxx
While she's cheering and celebrating their win with the rest of the Glee Club in the choir room Mr. Schue tells her that Sue wants to see her.
She slips out of the choir room unnoticed and plays with her fingers nervously as she walks to Sue's office. "Coach Sylvester?" she asks as soon as she arrives.
She takes a seat in front of her, wondering what this could possibly be about. She's overjoyed that Sue is allowing her to rejoin the Cheerios. Coach's words really touch her and make her realize that her being so unsupportive of Rachel's decision to get married is stupid, so as soon as she is done here she's going to tell Rachel that she'll be there.
She doesn't ask why Sue has kept her uniform after all the times she's quit, she just tells her that she's not going to regret it, she's going to win them a national championship in that uniform.
She puts on the uniform as soon as she leaves Sue's office and feels pride as people part for her the way that they used to. Now she'll finally get all the respect she used to have from the student body back.
She sees Sam as soon as she exits the washroom, who does a double take and turns around as soon as he realizes that it's her. "Woah, I'm getting major flashbacks right now."
She rolls her eyes and ignores his comment telling him, "I've got to go, but I'll see you at the wedding."
She gets butterflies from the way he smiles at her, responding back "see you Q."
She sees Blaine and Kurt as she walks down the hallway, thanking both Blaine and Kurt as if Kurt had complimented her too. She sees his eyes soften and decides they can talk things out at the wedding, she needs to speak with Rachel first.
As soon as she sees Rachel exit the choir room she says to her, "hey, how do I look? Coach Sylvester gave it to me earlier, and I couldn't resist."
She knows Rachel is still upset with her by the way that she responds back. She tells Rachel that she wants to support both Rachel and Finn and come to the wedding if it's not too late, and by the way Rachel is smiling at her she can tell that it isn't.
Rachel hugs her, and she tells Rachel she will meet all of them there, she just has to head home and get her bridesmaids dress.
She decides to do her makeup at home because it will probably save her more time, but she realizes she was probably better off getting Tina to help her once she got there because she's now running late.
She texts Rachel that she might be a few minutes late and runs quickly to her car.
She gets a bunch of messages while she's driving there, but hasn't stopped at a red light yet so she can check them.
But her phone keeps going off, so she grabs her phone and tries to quickly text Rachel back that she's on her way, but before she can everything turns black.
Aftermath of On My Way
Santana gets a phone call before they all leave the room for Finn and Rachel's wedding. She looks down at her phone confused, telling everyone it's an unknown number and she's going to quickly answer it.
Sam checks his phone in the meantime seeing if Quinn has responded to any of his texts, like Rachel he texted her asking her where she was. Before he can properly check Santana starts screaming and crying.
Brittany and Mercedes rush over to her to ask her what's going on, and all she's able to manage to get out is "Quinn" and "crash". He feels his blood run cold, Quinn was in an accident?
Most of the girls immediately start crying and Burt and Carole are rushing everyone out of the building so they can head to Lima Memorial Hospital. He's frozen in his spot, and Kurt must notice because he grabs his arm and tells him that he can ride with him and Blaine.
He doesn't remember most of the ride there, everything is sort of a blur. Judy is already there when the rest of them arrive, and she informs them Quinn was in a bad accident and she's in surgery right now. Rachel and Finn's parents pull her aside so they can comfort her and he feels Kurt pull him towards one of the waiting room chairs.
They look so out of place, the guys in their suits and the girls in their bridesmaids dresses, some of them still with their flower bouquets. Rachel still has her dress and veil on.
"Sam?" Kurt asks while shaking his shoulder.
Sam looks over at him confused and asks "huh?"
"I called your name about five times," Kurt says while chuckling. "I asked if you were okay." He feels kind of guilty for not realizing he zoned out.
He doesn't know how he feels. He can't imagine his life without Quinn, and for so long he thought it was because she was his best friend, but now he can't help but wonder, is it something more?
But then what about his whole thing with Mercedes? Why would he fight so hard for Mercedes if he still loved Quinn? And Quinn had sort of asked him for a second chance the first day he transferred and he rejected her, why would he do that if he still had feelings for her?
He shrugs his shoulders and tells Kurt honestly, "I don't know how I feel."
He hasn't looked up at Kurt, choosing to stare at one of the floor tiles because he knows if he looks up, he'll probably break down and that won't do any good for anyone, so he jumps a little when Kurt lays a hand on his shoulder and tells him, "that's understandable, the two of you had a special bond."
Sam furrows his eyebrows confused. Special Bond? Does Kurt know something he doesn't? Before he can ask him what he means a doctor comes out asking for the family of Lucy Fabray.
He's confused before he realizes that her drivers license has her first name as Lucy, they're not going to know she goes as Quinn.
They all look up, but he only talks to Judy and the parents quietly to the side. He looks at them the entire time, trying to see if he can make out any of the words the doctor is saying.
Judy breaks down crying and he stops breathing. Carole takes her away, probably to go comfort her and he thinks screw it, I need to know what's going on. He walks up to Burt and asks him what's going on.
Burt shakes his head and tells him Judy will tell them when she's ready. He thinks it's bullshit, he's her best friend, he deserves to know how she's doing. So he tells Burt just that.
"I'm her best friend! I deserve to know how she's doing." He doesn't know why he's so mad, why he's shouting at Burt when he didn't do anything to him, but he's angry. He just wants to know if she's okay, why won't they just tell him that much?
He tries to push his way towards her room, but Mike and Finn hold him back. Kurt tries to grab his arm telling him, "not here Sam, let's go sit down." But he just pushes him off, sitting down on the floor fuming.
Eventually Santana comes and sits next to him. Neither of them say anything to each other for a while, but then Santana finally breaks the silence. "I shouldn't have done what I did last year." It confuses him because Santana did a lot of stuff she probably shouldn't have done last year, so which decision is she talking about? "I shouldn't have come between the two of you like that. I don't even know why I did it, I was in love with Brittnay and Quinn was happy, the happiest she was in a long time and I ruined it for her. I don't even remember why I did it, it's all so stupid now." He doesn't know what to say to that because it was Sam's choice to leave. He loved Quinn, but even if Santana wasn't the one who told him she cheated, he still would have broken up with her. He wishes she would have told him herself, maybe then they would have been able to make it work. I should have treated her better."
He looks at her, but she isn't looking at him. She's looking straight ahead with tears streaming down her face. He isn't really good at comforting other people when he's also upset, so he just grabs her hand because that always seems to comfort Quinn.
"We used to be attached at the hip, the two of us, and I just can't figure out where things started to go wrong. When we went from turning on everyone else, to turning on each other."
Sam doesn't know what to tell her because Santana isn't exactly wrong. Each time Santana did something to screw her over last year, Quinn would complain to him, asking him for his opinion on possible ideas for revenge. But he also knows that even though at times Quinn hated Santana, she would have done anything for her.
"She loved you." He knows it's not much, but it is the truth.
Quinn has always been a picture person, she loves taking pictures with people. He finds it ironic because she hated whenever he would try and take pictures of just her. She would freak out and tell him to delete them. He asked her about it once, her obsession with taking photos with her friends, and she had laughed and told him "for the memories Sammy!"
He's only been in Quinn's room once, to help her rearrange everything because she was sick of the way her room looked. She had pictures of her friends scattered around her room everywhere. A couple of her with the Glee Club from her pregnancy days, a couple of her with Kurt and Mercedes, even some with him. But there had been a ton of her with Brittnay and Santana, and so much more of just her and Santana, put into different friend and cheerleading themed frames.
Santana pulls him out of his thoughts when she tells him, "I loved her too, I just wish I told her more."
He thinks that's a thought that's on everyone's mind right now.
When Judy comes back he immediately stands up, which catches Santana's attention. As soon as she notices she stands up as well. Burt gives him a look telling him not to do anything stupid with Judy back.
She clears her throat and wipes her eyes with a tissue before telling everyone Quinn had made it through surgery, but she had complications causing her to fall into a coma.
He hears Rachel start sobbing from somewhere in the waiting room and Brittnay ask someone what coma means. She feels someone grab his hand and turns around to see Santana looking at him with tears running down her face, smiling at him and telling him she's going to be fine, she's stubborn. He thinks she's trying to convince herself more than him, but he nods anyway.
Judy also tells them that she appreciates them all staying here, but only family can stay overnight and they are all free to come back tomorrow.
He hadn't realized so much time had passed, he just assumed the world would stop moving if Quinn wasn't a part of it.
He follows Finn into Burt's car. Burt tries to make small talk with them on the ride home, but no one is really interested in talking.
xxx
He does his nightly Facetime call with his family, telling them about Quinn and promises he'll send updates as soon as he gets them.
He tries to go to bed early, since there isn't much he feels like doing, but he can't sleep. Watching tv or going on his phone just makes him upset so he wanders upstairs to find Kurt sitting on the couch.
He doesn't say anything to Sam when he sees him, just pats the spot next to him.
"I hate that the last thing she thinks I said to her was that I didn't think her pain or problems were important." He doesn't know what he can say to Kurt to make him feel better because yeah, that was a little harsh and if he thought so, he knows Quinn definitely did.
"She knows you were just hurting."
Kurt shakes his head. "I should have realized that she was probably hurting too." They sit in silence for a while, neither of them really knowing what to say.
"You were always so good to her." That catches him by surprise, he looks at Kurt with a puzzled expression and he chuckles at him. "I know she was glad she had you, how you would always look out for her. She was grateful for you Sam."
"Is." Sam snaps at him because he's tired of everyone talking about her in the past tense, she's still here. She's going to wake up.
"I think I still love her." Kurt snaps his head up to look at him and he sighs and puts his head in his hands. "I don't know if I just feel this way because of what's happening or I'm genuinely not over her. I just can't imagine my life without her Kurt."
"I think you're still in love with her." He's shocked, he was expecting Kurt to tell him that he thinks he's just emotional with everything that's going on right now, or that he's just confused. He wasn't expecting him to tell him that he thinks he was right.
"Then what was that whole thing with Mercedes?" He's hoping Kurt will have some sort of explanation for that because he doesn't.
"I think you were scared of getting your heart broken again, so you chose someone who you didn't think would hurt your heart, but she did anyway. I don't think you fought so hard for Mercedes because you wanted to be with her, but because you were trying to convince yourself she was who you wanted, not someone else."
It makes sense, a lot more sense than it probably should. But it doesn't matter now, she has her heart set on someone else. "It doesn't matter, she won't want me back. She's into someone else, she told me that herself."
Kurt laughs and Sam looks at him confused. "Oh Sam, think about who she could possibly be talking about." Kurt tells him before heading upstairs, wishing him goodnight.
He spends the entire night thinking who Kurt was talking about, but doesn't come up with anything.
xxx
Finn drives himself, Sam, and Kurt to the hospital the next morning. They have to pick up Rachel and Blaine on the way there so by the time they get there, some of the others have already arrived. They find Tina, Mike, and Artie in the parking lot. Santana, Brittany, Mercedes and Rory are already in the waiting room with coffees for those who want one. He's confused why Rory is there so early, but then he remembers Rory is staying with Brittnay.
Judy tells them all that the doctors don't expect her to wake up for a couple of days, but they all stay anyway, feeling better staying together than apart.
They're allowed to visit her today in pairs since the maximum amount of people allowed in her room at once is two. They all decide Santana and Brittnay should go first, and then allow Rachel and Finn to go since Rachel looks like she's about to burst. By the time Rachel and Finn exit everyone else from Glee Club has arrived, Joe too which confuses Sam because he didn't realize the two of them were friends.
The group decides Sam should go next. He's not surprised, him and Quinn are best friends, he's just not prepared. Kurt must notice his hesitation because he offers to go with him.
He knows the doctor said she was in bad shape, but he just wasn't expecting it to be this bad. She has a bandage wrapped around her head, with cuts and scrapes across her face. There's a giant bruise on her left arm where the truck hit her.
Kurt asks him if he wants to talk to her first and he shakes his head, he's still trying to process everything. He stays standing by the door as Kurt goes and sits in the chair beside her bed.
Kurt makes jokes with her, saying she needs to wake up as soon as possible because the two of them are overdue for a shopping trip. He looks up when he hears Kurt break down.
"Oh Quinn I'm so sorry, wake up so I can tell you how sorry I am." He bites his lip unsure of what to do, whether he should go comfort Kurt or just let him cry it out. He supposes comforting him a bit can't hurt, so he walks up to him and lays a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey Q." He says, unsure of whether or not she can actually hear him, but figures there's no harm in talking to her like she can. "I miss you. Stacy keeps asking when you're gonna be on Facetime again." He looks down at Kurt who is still sobbing silently. "You gotta wake up soon Q, a lot of people need you. I'm one of them." His voice breaks and he leaves the room before she can notice he's crying. If she can hear him, he doesn't want her to hear him like this.
Kurt follows him out of the room and sits next to him in one of the waiting room chairs. "It's okay if you're sad Sam, you're allowed to cry."
He shrugs. "I want to be strong for her."
Kurt rolls his eyes. "I think she would understand if her being in a coma made you cry." He doesn't tell Kurt the real reason why he refuses to cry. Crying means there's something to be upset over, and there isn't because Quinn's going to be fine. And if he starts crying, he's afraid he'll never stop.
xxx
He kind of forgets he has to go to school the next day. He assumes he looks like a zombie the entire day because people keep walking up to him and asking him if he's doing okay. He sits alone in the library at the table they usually study at lunch on Thursday's even though it's Monday because it reminds him of her.
He almost waits for her when the bell rings, signaling the end of his Astrology class, until he reminds she won't be coming out because she's not here.
Mr. Schue dedicates this week's assignment to her, letting them know they are all free to sing whatever reminds them of her. Santana and Brittnay get up immediately after which surprises him because he doesn't remember seeing anything about the assignment over the weekend. How did they have time to prepare a number so quickly?
As Brittnay grabs two stools Santana tells them all that her and Brittnay didn't know what to do with all the extra time they had and doing their regular activities without Quinn just didn't seem right.
"When Quinn had first started at McKinley, she was a lot more religious than she is now. But then she met me and of course everything changed." They all chuckle and Brittnay smiles and sheds a tear, reaching over to grab Santana's hand. "She was always listening to these Christian bands her parents liked, so we introduced her to Avril Lavigne. So in the spirit of that, here is an Avril Lavinge song for our girl Q.
Brittany immediately starts crying as soon as the two of them start singing, and he can tell that Santana is about too but is trying her hardest to keep everything in. He doesn't recognize the song, but he knows Quinn would probably appreciate it.
I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall, you just walk through it
And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now, I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth is I miss
All those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now, I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
I wish you were here
There is slight applaus after they finish. Sam doesn't know he brings his hands up to clap, but he does. He feels numb, the only thing getting him through the day is knowing that as soon as Glee Club rehearsal is over he can get into his truck and go see Quinn.
He's on his feet and out the door before Mr. Schue can properly dismiss them. He goes well over the speed limit while trying to get there, but he doesn't care. He parks in his usual area and jogs down the hallways to her room.
He doesn't see Judy anywhere so he peers into the window beside the door to see if Judy's inside. When he doesn't see her he enters.
She looks so peaceful. His hands start to shake a little once he sees they have added a breathing tube. He's been hopeful this entire time, but knowing she can't breathe on her own? He's not going to lie, it scares him a little bit.
He goes and sits in the chair beside her bed and moves some hairs that have fallen onto her forehead. He doesn't know what to do with his shaking hands, so he grabs her hand closest to his.
"Hey Q. I don't know if you can actually hear me or not. The doctors keep telling us that you can, but it makes me feel a little silly. School was boring without you today. Mr. Schue dedicated this week's assignment to you. I could practically hear your reaction, 'I've been in that club for three years and got about two solos and now that I'm in a coma I get an entire week.' Brittany and Santana sang some Avril Lavigne song today, they'll probably tell you about it when they come to visit. I want to do a song, but I don't know which one. You always helped me choose them. Wake up soon because I need your help, I can't do this without you Quinn."
He feels the teardrops hit his hands before he even notices that he's started crying. He curses and says goodbye to Quinn, telling her he'll be back tomorrow. He doesn't get a response.
He leaves the room before he can start crying. He refuses to cry, he has to be strong for her.
When he leaves the room he finds Rachel and Finn about to enter. He's sure his face matches their confused expressions. What are they doing here? Quinn and Rachel just started getting close, and to the best of his knowledge Quinn was still on shaky terms with Quinn. But before he can ask them, Finn beats him to it.
"What are you doing here?"
What is he doing here? He was her best friend. Regardless of what the two of them did to each other, they were always best friends. They cared about each other, they didn't mean to hurt each other. Finn and Rachel were always trying to purposely hurt her. He pretty much left her for Rachel twice, and don't even get him started on Rachel. And Finn has the audacity to ask him what he's doing here? He must be kidding.
"I'm her best friend."
"Oh." He refrains himself from rolling his eyes at Finn. Finn has always lived in his own little world, not really caring about the rest of their lives and what's happening in them unless they tell him, but is Finn really that oblivious? He and Quinn are practically always together, Finn has never seen them once?
Rachel looks like she already knows that, but he can't read Finn's expression and it kind of irritates him. He doesn't really have anything against Finn. They cleared up the whole rumor thing last year while he was living in the motel, and Finn was really good to him after, giving him clothes and stuff. And he and Rachel had gone all that way to find him in Kentucky and bring him back to Lima, even allowing him to stay at his place, but the thing that bugs him about Finn is the way that he treats Quinn, or girls in general.
He'll admit what Quinn did to Finn two years ago was kind of messed up, but Finn was no saint either. He knows Finn cheated on Quinn with Rachel too. And he had left her for Rachel again before Nationals last year. Not to mention he outed Santana, and called Brittnay stupid meanwhile his best friend Puck is no Einstien.
Maybe it's because he was raised to always raise women properly, but Sam doesn't really see the hype about Finn, why everyone thinks he's this great leader. He knows there are probably members who are worse in that Glee Club, but for a co-captain? He doesn't see how he fits the criteria.
But he doesn't say any of this to Finn, just pushes past him and heads out of the hospital.
xxx
He curses and chucks his English book across the kitchen table. He hasn't been able to get any work done due to his dyslexia acting up, and it's not like he can call Quinn and ask her to help.
He groans and drops his hands into his arms, jumping when he hears Kurt ask him "what's wrong?"
"Dyslexia." He grumbles out, but it just comes out muffled due to the fact that his head is still dropped on the table.
"Here I'll help." He's a little embarrassed he needs help at all, Quinn told him to never worry about it, she needed something else to do since she didn't have Cheerios practice anymore so he's grown to be comfortable with her, he doesn't know how he feels about Kurt.
He should have suspected that Kurt would have been nothing short of awesome. He doesn't grow impatient or frustrated with Sam, helping him calm down when Sam himself gets frustrated and wants to throw in the towel. He thanks Kurt once he gets all his homework done.
He expects Kurt to leave after that, but to his surprise he stays seated beside him at the table. "Do you know what song you're going to sing?"
He shrugs in response to Kurt's question. It's not that he doesn't know which one, it's that he hasn't even started looking. It feels wrong choosing a song without Quinn's opinions, and if he's being honest? He's kind of afraid of what everything else is going to think.
"She would always help me pick a song." Kurt looks over at him and smiles, and for some reason it urges Sam to continue. "Obviously not Red Solo Cup because she didn't even know that I was coming back, and she says she hates country but I don't believe her because she knows all of the words to the songs I play in the car. We picked Lucky together, and of course Mr. Schue assigned us our Sectionals song last year, but she helped me pick Hero for Latin week. It feels wrong choosing a song without her, and I don't know what everyone else is going to think."
Kurt looks at him puzzled. "What do you mean 'what everyone else is going to think'?"
"I mean, I don't even know how I feel about her yet. And I don't want the song I pick to convey that I feel a certain way about her when I haven't even figured it out myself yet. You know how people in that club are, and I just don't want to have to deal with their millions of questions when I don't have any answers."
"Want to know what I think?" He values Kurt's opinion, and he's so freakishly similar to Quinn so he doesn't mind Kurt putting his two cents in. "I think you're overthinking it. Maybe because you're scared or maybe for another reason. But don't think about the rest of them. Even when you're performing, just picture her."
It is a good idea, so he thanks Kurt and heads to his room so he can start researching some songs.
xxx
The next day is a little better. His brain has sort of processed not to wait for Quinn in the places that he usually would. He sits next to Santana during Glee rehearsal because he knows she won't ask him how he's doing. He appreciates everyone's concern, but he doesn't know how he's feeling. And everyone constantly asking him makes him feel like he's suffocating.
Once Mr. Schue asks who wants to go first today, Kurt raises his hand. Sam is taken back because Kurt never mentioned to him he already had a song prepared.
He watches Kurt stand in front of them. "If you told me two years ago that head Cheerio Quinn Fabray would become one of my best friends, I would have laughed in your face." Sam chuckles at that. "But once you truly get to know Quinn, you come to learn she is one of the most caring people you will meet. For so long I didn't think I would meet anyone who liked Taylor Swift as much I did, but then I found Quinn. So Quinn, this one's for you."
Friday night beneath the stars
In a field behind your yard
You and I are painting pictures in the sky
Sometimes we don't say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need is right here by my side
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you
I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you
Just a small-town boy and girl
Living in the crazy world
Trying to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
My secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me
I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you
When I'm with anybody else
It's so hard to be myself
And only you can tell
I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you
He claps along with everyone else when Kurt finishes. He zones out during everyone else's performances. He thinks Mercedes sings a Destiny's Child number and for some reason Rachel sings Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield and no one really understands why or how it relates to Quinn, but Rachel still cries throughout the performance.
xxx
He doesn't expect anyone to be in Quinn's room when he gets there, so he's a little startled when he sees Judy typing away on her computer beside Quinn's bed. She looks just as surprised to see him.
"Oh Sam. I didn't realize you and Quinn were," she trials off awkwardly and he clears his throat to try and take away some of the tension, but it doesn't work.
"Oh uh no, we're just best friends." He says just as awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. She nods as if she understands even though he can clearly tell that she doesn't and gets up. "No Ms. Fabray you don't have to leave, I can come back later."
She shakes her head and lays a hand on his arm. "It's okay, I've been here all day, and I need to get something from the office anyway, you watch her now for me."
He nods his head and watches her leave the room, and then takes a seat next to Quinn's bed, grabbing her hand just like he did yesterday.
"Hey Quinn. I kind of need you to wake up because my grades are starting to take a serious beating, although Kurt did help me with English yesterday. I picked a song to sing for this week's assignment, but you're going to need to wake up if you want to know what it is." He pauses and waits for her to answer, she doesn't. "Stace drew you a picture, I'll bring it to you on Monday since I'm going to visit them this weekend." Hopefully you'll be awake by then he thinks to himself.
He talks to her for another hour, and then leaves as soon as Quinn's mom comes back.
xxx
He crashes as soon as he gets back to the Hudson-Hummels.
He wakes up the next day nauseous. He knows he isn't the best performer, but Sam has never been this anxious for a performance before. He spends the majority of his History class in the bathroom because he seriously thinks he's going to throw up, but he doesn't. Before he knows it, it's time for Glee club.
He grabs his guitar and sits on a stool at the front while everyone is trickling in. Mr. Schue looks a little surprised to see him already set up and ready to go, but tells him the floor is his as soon as everyone settles in.
He doesn't have a speech prepared like everyone else because he wants what they have to be just theirs. Everyone already knows the two of them have a special bond, he doesn't need to explain it to them, so he just nods at the band to start and begins strumming the first few chords.
Tell me that you'll turn down the man
Who asks for your hand
'Cause you're waiting for me
And I know, you're gonna be away a while
But I've got no plans at all to leaved
And would you take away my hopes and dreams?
And just stay with me
All my senses come to life
While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I
Have ever been and I'll never leave again
'Cause you are the one
And all my friends have gone to find
Another place to let their hearts collide
Just promise me, you'll never leave again
'Cause you are the only one
Take my hand and my
Heart and soul, I will
Only have these eyes for you
And you know, everything changes but
We'll be strangers if, we see this through
You could stay within these walls and bleed
Or just stay with me, oh Lord now
All my sense come to life
While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I
Have ever been and I'll never leave again
'Cause you are the only one
And all my friends have gone to find
Another place to let their hearts collide
Just promise me, you'll always be a friend
'Cause you are the only one
Stumbling half drunk, getting myself lost
I am so gone, so tell me the way home
I listen to sad songs, singing about love
And where it goes wrong
All my sense come to life
While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I
Have ever been and I'll never leave again
'Cause you are the only one
And all my friends have gone to find
Another place to let their hearts collide
Just promise me, you'll always be a friend
'Cause you are the only one
He gets scattered applause once he's finished. He doesn't blame them, they're probably all confused. He pretty much just confessed that he still has feelings for Quinn despite chasing after Mercedes for half the year. He doesn't quite get it himself if he's being honest.
He gets smiles from Santana and Kurt afterwards and it all clicks. The guy Quinn was talking about, everything Kurt and Santana have been saying. It's all about him. That's why she had always looked so uninterested whenever he talked about Mercedes, always telling him he would be better off just moving on. That's why she wouldn't tell him who was into, or why she would always reject those airhead jocks that were always asking her out. And the song she sang on Valentine's day, she was trying to show him it was all for him.
So he decides he's going to tell her how he feels after Glee is over and he can go to the hospital whether she's awake or not.
When he gets there, she's awake. He almost can't believe it, he thinks he's hallucinating because he hasn't gotten any sleep ever since her accident, but Judy tells him it's really her and she's been asking about him.
He's never really had an out of body experience, but he assumes this is what people are talking about while he enters her room. She's sitting up in her bed on her phone when he enters, but she puts it down as soon as he enters.
Her eyes are red and puffy, and his heart races because he knows that means something is wrong. He doesn't question her about it though, just sits in the chair next to her bed. If she wants to tell him about it, she will.
"Hey stranger." she says, smiling. Her bruises are slowly fading, and they have taken off the bandage wrapped around her head. He tries not to flinch when he sees the giant cut that takes its place.
He smiles at her because he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to start, does he just outright say hey Quinn, I know you almost died but I love you. He doesn't notice his hands are shaking until she grabs them and holds them in hers. "Are you nervous to see me?" She asks him while slightly laughing.
"Fuck Quinn you have no idea how scared I was." The smile is wiped off her face and he panics thinking he must have said something wrong. Of course she doesn't want to be reminded that she nearly died, you idiot. "Shit Q, I'm sorry I wasn't thinking I-"
"No it's okay, it's not that." He's confused, then what is it? He hopes she tells him because he's lost right now but he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable by asking. "I woke up and I couldn't feel my legs." His heart skins, he isn't the best at biology, but he is an athlete, and he has a pretty good idea of what that could mean. He waits to see if she's going to continue or not, but she just looks down.
"So you're..?" He trails off because he knows saying the word out loud will just end up breaking both of their hearts.
She nods and starts crying. "I really thought I had a shot of making it out of here." His heart breaks for her. He doesn't mind Lima. He's always liked Tennessee better because that's where all his family is, but Lima is a nice small town. But it's hard to make something out of yourself here. He knows Quinn is destined for all these amazing things, but he won't lie to her and tell her that she can also find them here when they both know she can't.
"What did the doctor say? Is it permanent?" He feels shitty for pressuring her to talk about it when it's clearly making her upset, but he can't help her or comfort her if he doesn't have the full story.
"They don't know." She tells him while sniffling, trying to wipe at her tears that keep streaming down her face. "It's too early to say, they think if I do physical therapy I could have a chance at walking again."
"Well that's good!" He knows her, how she's not going to think it's much. She always assumes the worst because she's been given the worst. She lost her sense of hope a long time ago.
"I kind of don't want to talk about it anymore if that's okay. Tell me about everything I've missed."
"Well Mr. Schue dedicated this week's assignment to you. We could perform a song for you if we wanted too." He catches her blush even though he knows she's trying to play it off, despite popular belief, Quinn hates attention. She loves knowing she's being intimidating, but if it's anything other than that she usually gets embarrassed. "A couple of people sang songs. Brittany and Santana sang some Avril Lavigne song that I didn't recognize." Something flashes across her face.
"I remember that." He's confused. How can she remember that if she wasn't there? "They came to the hospital after Cheerios practice that day and told me about it. I could hear you guys while I was in the coma, but I just thought I was dreaming or something." She turns her head and points at him. "You! You told me I needed to wake up in order for you to tell me what song you were going to perform, which one did you choose?"
He scratches the back of his neck because he's nervous. He wasn't expecting her to remember that part, and even if she did he wasnt expecting her to ask him about it. If he tells her his song he's pretty much telling her how he feels about her. He can't even hope that she doesn't know the song because he knows she does, he knows how much she loves Ed Sheeran, that's partly why he chose a song of his to sing.
But he thinks to himself, screw it. Life is too short to always overthink things. So he tells her. "I sang One by Ed Sheeran."
He watches her face the entire time, trying to catch any changes in her expressions. He knows Quinn likes to think she's hard to read, but he knows her better than anyone else does. He can always tell what she's thinking. She watches as the recognition spills across her face, she's trying to understand why he would choose to sing a song with that meaning and dedicate it to her.
"Isn't that a love song?" He's not going to confirm anything just yet, he needs some answers of his own first.
"That song you sang at Sugar's Valentine's day party, was it for me?" She looks surprised at his quick change of the subject, but she also nods her head shyly, dropping it slightly so she doesn't have to look at him. But he wants her to see what he's getting at, and she can only do that if she's looking at him in the eyes, so he puts two fingers under her chin and lifts her head up so she can look at him. "And that guy you were talking about, the one you're into, it was me wasn't it?"
She sighs and pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "Sam," she says without saying anything else after. He should have known better. Quinn doesn't say how she feels until she knows it is safe to do so. She's not going to risk getting rejected.
"I think I love you." Her eyes widen and his heart is racing, but screw it. They've been chasing circles around each other for far too long. "When I found out about your accident, I didn't know what to do. I was like a zombie without you, I would have done anything to trade places with you." She opens her mouth to say something, but she shakes his head to tell her he's not finished. "And I hate that it took this to happen for me to realize how I don't want Santana or Mercedes or any other girl, I just want you." She smiles at him and places her palm over his cheek, and he slightly moves into it. "Kurt actually helped me realize it." He tells her while chuckling. "That I fought so hard to be with Mercedes not because I wanted to be with her, but because I was trying to convince myself that I still didn't love you. It was a good distraction from how I felt about you, but once Mercedes broke things off between us I was forced to face my feelings. And that song I sang on Valentine's day at Breadstix, it was about you no matter how badly I tried to tell myself it wasn't." He wipes a stray tear that has fallen from her face. "You're my first love, and I just thought that I was always going to love you because of that, but I realize now it's so much more than that."
She doesn't say anything to him, just leans forward and kisses him. And it feels amazing, it feels like everything wrong in his life has been solved by this one kiss. He doesn't know why he waited so long because kissing Quinn is seriously his favourite thing to do on this planet.
They spring apart when her door opens and Brittnay runs up to Quinn screaming. "Quinn you're awake!" Sam flinches as she squeezes Quinn and hears Santana scold Brittnay to be gentle.
He figures this is his cue to leave and tells Quinn he'll come by tomorrow and they can talk more then. He doesn't miss Santana's smirk as he leaves the room, but he chooses to ignore it.
xxx
She is so incredibly bored. Her mom has returned back to work now that she's awake, so Quinn has nothing to occupy herself while everyone else is at school. Rachel was kind enough to gather all her missed work for her so she attempted to do that, but all it did was make her head hurt.
She's kind of surprised at how everyone has been treating her. Rachel had sobbed and blamed herself for the accident and she had been seriously afraid that the brunette was going to start hyperventilating. Tina had also cried when her and Mike had their turn with her, telling Quinn getting ready without her just hadn't been the same. She caught up with everyone else, and told Artie she would consider his offer to help her with her wheelchair.
The person that had really surprised her was Joe. He had come in with Mercedes and told her things had not been the same without her, which seriously surprised her because she swears they had only ever had two conversations.
The person that she has been missing is Kurt. Blaine had told her that Kurt didn't know what to say because he felt awful about what he said to her, but Quinn doesn't care about any of that. She misses one of her closest friends.
She gets a knock on the door and waits, assuming it's one of the nurses doing their routine checks on her vitals and all that. When no one opens the door she frowns confused. "Come in."
She sees Kurt pop his head in and she breaks out into a grin. "Kurt!" He breaks into tears and she giggles. "Oh Kurt, come here."
She opens her arms up for him and he goes in to hug her. "Quinn you have no idea how sorry I am."
She shakes her head once he goes to sit in the chair beside her bed. "Stop. I forgive you Kurt, I know you were just feeling badly about Karofsky." He tries to interrupt her but she raises her hand. "Nope, that's all in the past. Now is all about the present and the future. I am tired of living in the past."
Kurt nods and wipes away his remaining tears with a handkerchief and sniffles loudly making Quinn giggle. "Wait does that mean for a certain blonde headed boy then?"
She blushes and Kurt's jaw drops. "Quinn Fabray you better tell me all the details right now."
She shrugs like it's not a big deal and tells him everything. "He came yesterday and told me about the song he sang in Glee club and I was confused because it was a love song. Then he asked me about the song I sang at Sugar's Valentine's day party and the guy I was into and I confirmed both were about him. Then he told me about the conversation the two of you had. That you thought he was just with Mercedes because he was trying to convince himself he didn't still want me." By the time she's finished her face hurts from smiling so wide, but she doesn't care. And it looks like Kurt is having the same problem.
"Quinn that's awesome, I am so happy for you." She bites her lip nervously and Kurt asks her what's wrong. "It's just, I'm going to Yale Kurt. And as much as I love Sam, I'm also a realistic person. I know long distance won't work." She quickly adds in for us because she remembers Kurt is planning to go to New York and Blaine also has to complete his senior year.
Kurt nods and tells her. "You should tell him how you feel Quinn. I know you're probably scared as to how he's going to react, but that boy adores you."
xxx
He skips his last class the next day because he's too excited to see Quinn and he doesn't need to worry about Glee rehearsal afterschool since Mr. Schue switched it to lunch so they could all go visit Quinn.
But he realizes that he wasn't the only one who had the same idea as he sees Kurt sitting in her room.
They both look up when he enters and Kurt smiles at him. He turns to Quinn and tells her, "I'll catch up with you later, I have to go pick up Blaine."
She nods and Kurt gives him another smile as he passes by him while leaving her room.
He kisses her forehead before he sits down even though they haven't really established what they are yet. She smiles at him, but he can tell something is up.
"What's wrong?" He's terrified. Was she wrong about how she feels about him, she doesn't actually love him?
"Sam I-" She cuts herself off and bites her bottom lip. He can tell she's really nervous and it's making him worried.
"Whatever it is Quinn, you can tell me."
"I'm going to Yale." Now he's confused. Does she also have amnesia? He knows she's going to Yale. "And you're staying here." Ah, now he gets it. She doesn't want to do the long distance. He's disappointed, but he tries not to show it. Does this mean she doesn't want to be with him?
"I'll be at Yale and you'll be here completing your senior year. And I love you Sam, but we both know long distance won't work. And the last thing I want is for us to turn on each other and for things to turn ugly." He assumes she can see the disappointment on his face because she grabs his hand. "I believe in us Sam. I know that we're going to figure things out and come out together in the end, but we just need to get through this part first."
"So what does that mean for us now then?" He understands what she's saying, and it probably will be better for the two of them if they just wait and figure things out until he graduates.
"I don't know. I guess we can just take it day by day? I just don't want us to break each other's hearts again." Her voice breaks and he kisses her quickly before she can start crying.
"It's okay Quinn. We're going to be okay. I believe in us too."
He doesn't know what the future holds for them, but he's not worried, as long as he has her.