This is a fanfic which follows the Deviant Connor timeline (with the everybody lives ending/the happy ending) from the video game Detroit Become Human. Some things were changed/added to allow the fanfic to make more sense. Feedback is greatly appreciated!
TW: Mentions/references to self-harm, self-hatred/suicidal ideation
(since I have/do deal with self harm and 'dark thoughts' myself, I believe that I can write it in at least a semi-realistic way however constructive criticism is appreciated, especially if I fall into the unfortunate rabbit hole of romanticising it, although I am trying my best not to do that).
Also, updates may be slower since I'm dealing with my own mental health issues and school exams at the moment but rest assured that I plan to write as much as I can and complete this fanfiction (this is my first fanfic, by the way).
*Really sorry that it's been over a week since the fanfiction was updated, my mental health is not being very nice to me at the moment. :(
Please do not be afraid to reach out to someone if you're struggling!
November 7th, 2038
AM 1:19
Hank: Friend
The wind gently played with Connor's hair as he watched the despondent lieutenant perch on the back of a bench and stare into space. He stepped towards him, a thin layer of freshly fallen snow crunching underfoot.
Was this what his life was now? Following around a hungover lieutenant who despised his species and drowned out his problems with alcohol? Yes, Connor liked Hank a great deal, but he couldn't help wondering how far the investigation could go if things were different.
The pair were now side by side, staring into the distance where the lights of Canada's skyscrapers glowed in the dark on the other side of the border. Staring at the Ambassador bridge, the lieutenant glanced at Connor and spoke.
A few minutes passed as they discussed the situation.
…
"We're not making any progress on this investigation."
…
"Those two girls… They just wanted to be together… They really seemed in love…"
…
"I'm whatever you want me to be, Lieutenant. Your partner... Your buddy to drink with... Or just a machine... Designed to accomplish a task."
…
"But are you afraid to die, Connor?"
…
"I self-test regularly. I know what I am, and what I am not."
"And I am not a deviant," the android added, though he didn't say it out loud. The gun in Hank's hand tremored for a moment before he lowered it and left to "get drunker."
While the lieutenant wandered off towards his car, Connor sat down on the bench, checked to make sure that Hank wasn't looking his way and plucked his razor blade from its hiding spot. For once, he had no intention to use it, but he clutched it tightly in his hand anyway. He really couldn't make sense of his relationship with the human. They were friends, right? Why would a friend put a gun to his companion's head though? Without realising it, the RK800 began to absentmindedly fiddle with the blade as he brooded, unaware of the prying eyes of Lieutenant Anderson, who had backtracked when he saw Connor taking his place on the bench instead of following him or going back to the police station.
From the angle where he stood curiously observing the android's behaviour, Hank noticed that Connor seemed to be idly slipping something through his fingers, apparently lost in thought. A silver gleam caught his eye and at first, he assumed that it must be the RK800's quarter coin. However, a few seconds later, Connor seemed to come back to reality, and realise what his hands were doing and dropp the object in surprise. It was then that Lieutenant Anderson stole a glimpse at what he was actually holding, even though Connor quickly snatched the item back up and stowed it away. "What does an android want with a razor blade?" he thought before realising that that question seemed familiar. Hank remembered the investigation at Ortiz's house and felt a chill run down his spine. He didn't doubt that this was probably the same blade Connor had found there.
Hank had no idea what Connor would want with a blade but whatever the reason was, He knew he should confront him, just in case. "I thought you were gonna throw that away," the lieutenant called.
Connor looked around, his thirium pump racing. Lieutenant Anderson emerged from the shadows of a tree, a sceptical, concerned look painting his face. "Lieutenant! I thought you were going home," the deviant hunter said, trying to keep the panic from sinking into his face and LED. The lieutenant strode over to him and said,
"Yeah, I was, until I saw you sat over here. I came to see what you were doing, and I saw you drop that razor blade. Why do you still have it, Connor?"
Think fast, Think FAST! He can't find out, Connor!
"I forgot I had it. I mean, I thought I could use it as defence, you know, not all humans like us and if someone attacked me-"
"Connor, slow down. Anyone would think you were making it up as you go along." He saw worry flash across the android's face. "I believe you, but I think you should throw that thing away before you get in trouble for having it. I do not wanna be explaining why my android is playing with blades instead of coins, got it?" Hank replied, holding out his hand for Connor to put the object in. The android reluctantly obeyed and watched as lieutenant Anderson threw it into a trash can nearby.
Hank's level of suspicion: 56% (20% increase)
"I'll get Fowler to speak to Detective Reed if it'll calm you down a bit, but you really don't need to carry these things. Come on, I'll take you back to the station."
"Thank you, lieutenant. I appreciate your thoughtfulness."
Hank's opinion of Connor (Up)
"I wasn't being thoughtful. I, uh, just didn't want to be responsible for any paperwork if you got damaged on your way back. Nothing more."
"Sure, Hank," Connor responded playfully as they walked back to the car.
"That was a close call! Where am I supposed to find a blade now?" The android pondered as he sat in the passenger seat, staring at the trashcan where his blade now lay abandoned. At this point, the urge to cut was growing stronger and stronger, and Connor desperately needed some release. Unfortunately, what started as a way of punishment was almost becoming a routine. It seemed to have integrated into his mechanical mind, surprisingly not too dissimilar to the way humans could also become reliant on the coping mechanism. "I'm not human, though. I'm a logical machine, which is why I should be able to stop doing this. So why can't I?
Software Instability
There were no cases for Connor and the lieutenant to investigate on November 7th, so the android spent the day at the police station, either stand-by or ruminating over the bridge's events, particularly the close call after he thought Hank had left the park. Since he had no orders to follow, he made a private report on his condition:
November 7th, 2038
AM 12:36
Physical condition: In order
Current injuries: Cuts on left/right forearms, approximately 16
Time since last physical damage: 25.4 hours
Deviancy: False
State of mind: Disrupted
Android's extra notes: It seems my system is currently experiencing a growing addiction to what humans often refer to as self-harm/injury. I am still assessing the situation; however, I believe the harming commonly occurs after failing something or when a high likelihood of failure is present. Could deviancy be taking a hold of me? No, that can't be right! But what if I really am-
Android handler Amanda deleted this report.
System stand-by in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
The Stratford Tower deviant's hand tore through Connor's shirt to roughly yank out his thirium pump regulator before tossing it aside and driving a knife into the deviant hunter's hand. As the deviant left, the RK800 experienced a couple of seconds of flashing warnings without any pain but when the feeling did kick in it was like a tidal wave that washed away all focus and only brought an intense burning, searing feeling to Connor's body. With great effort, he wrenched the kitchen knife out of his hand, which caused warm thirium to start flowing heavily from the wound. 00:01:22 time remaining before shutdown was what his system told him as he collapsed to the floor and began to crawl in agony to his biocomponent, grunting earnestly from the excruciating pain the gaping hole in his chest and palm brought him. Finally, the android was able to reach out and plunge the part back into his torso while the warnings faded. The throbbing aches became almost bearable, so Connor darted down the hall full of cops and spotted the deviant leaving. He warned the officers, grabbed one of their guns and shot the sentient android without much hesitation, though as Hank praised him, he still felt unfocused. Something in Connor's mind commanded him to examine the deviant but he had other things to think about. "That knife, it's still in the kitchen…maybe I could take it..." And when nobody was looking, that's exactly what the android did.
"Mr Kamski, may I ask you a question about androids?" Hank muttered after telling Connor to leave the pool room and wait in the foyer. The pair had come to Elijah Kamski for answers only to be faced with the decision of whether to shoot his android, Chloe. After watching Connor spare her life, the lieutenant was about to leave when he remembered something he had been meaning to ask since he arrived. "Of course, please, go ahead." Kamski replied nonchalantly.
"There's no easy way to say this but I was just wondering, is there any way an android could be involved in things such as self-harm?" Kamski was taken aback at this question but soon managed to hide it behind an unbothered look as he asked his Chloes to fetch him an outfit, escort Lieutenant Anderson to his living room and ultimately say "My apologies, Lieutenant, but I think a different setting may be more suitable for a question not so easily answered like this one." Hank grunted but let the androids take him away while Kamski changed and then followed. "Elijah, the RK800 is still in the foyer. What would you like to do with it while you discuss this matter."
"Take it to the sitting room with Lieutenant Anderson, Chloe. These two have come to discuss deviant's tendencies in more detail, I assume." He added, seeing Hank's somewhat troubled look.
Five minutes later, the three were seated on the black leather sofas and Kamski finally answered the lieutenant's burning question. "As psychology is not my specialised area of work, I cannot say much about that side of this topic, however, I, of course, do have full understanding of android behaviour and some knowledge on the topic of self-injury." Why were they talking about this of all things? Connor pondered as Hank, who was sat opposite him, waited silently for the android creator to continue. "Obedient androids do not have any reason to inflict harm upon themselves, unless they are prototypes, but Connor and a couple of others are currently the only machines capable of thinking advanced enough to consider that." The RK800's synthetic muscles tensed and his thirium pump started to beat rapidly as the conversation continued. "The game is up, the game is up! I've failed myself. I've failed Amanda, CyberLife, everyone." he anxiously thought.
"However, while we do know that deviants may self-destruct if extremely distressed, most of CyberLife's androids do not have pain receptors, Lieutenant, so it would be very uncommon for it to non-fatally hurt itself."
As much as he tried, he couldn't prevent his LED from beginning to noticeably flash yellow.
Hank's level of suspicion: 67% (11% increase)
"Ok, but say an android, deviant or not deviant, was hurting themselves, could it kill them? Would they get addicted to it? Could they get…I don't know, therapy, for example?"
"Lieutenant, based on the questions you are asking and your android's panicked reaction, am I correct in thinking that you are concerned for this RK800's well-being?"
"I- um…yes. I suppose so." He responded gruffly, trying to appear as unruffled as possible. Kamski sighed, started to compose a satisfying answer in his head, and went quiet for a few moments, apparently oblivious to the stares of Connor, Hank, and Chloe in particular, who eventually asked "Are you alright, Elijah? May I assist you in any way?"
"I'm thinking, Chloe but thank you for offering your assistance."
"Anyway, Lieutenant Anderson, while I have noticed that Connor has been displaying some conflicted behaviours, that was something easily spotted when it passed the Kamski test, I see no reason to believe that it would do anything like that. Yes, even non-deviant androids can have some degree of mental health and yes, I have had word that pain receptors are present in this model; however, Connor is a generally obedient machine. Plus, its handler, Amanda, would never allow this."
"Handler? What do you mean?"
"Connor hasn't told you? Amanda is an incorporeal AI based off a former professor of mine, responsible for ordering, reviewing, and guiding its progress on this investigation. She receives updates from Connor and is able to control and call upon it if necessary."
Hank's level of suspicion: 43% (24% decrease)
"I see. Is there anything else you can tell us?"
"No, although in answer to your three questions, yes, it would be possible for an android to accidently damage themselves fatally, as their bodies are based upon a human's as much as possible, but the coping mechanism becoming an addiction and the possibility of receiving professional help is not very well explored and really would depend on the model's capabilities."
The lieutenant nodded, though he still seemed doubtful and told Connor to come with him before half-heartedly thanking and saying bye to Kamski.