This is a fanfic which follows the Deviant Connor timeline (with the everybody lives ending/the happy ending) from the video game Detroit Become Human. Some things were changed/added to allow the fanfic to make more sense. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

TW: Decriptions/Mentions/references to self-harm, self-hatred/suicidal ideation, Brief reference to alcoholism.

(since I have/do deal with self harm and 'dark thoughts' myself, I believe that I can write it in at least a semi-realistic way however constructive criticism is appreciated, especially if I fall into the unfortunate rabbit hole of romanticising it, although I am trying my best not to do that).

Also, updates may be slower since I'm dealing with my own mental health issues and school exams at the moment but rest assured that I plan to write as much as I can and complete this fanfiction (this is my first fanfic, by the way).

*Really sorry that it's been over a week since the fanfiction was updated, I've got A LOT on my plate right now.

Btw, this chapter is going to be quite short but very angsty.

Please do not be afraid to reach out to someone if you're struggling!

Hank: Friend

"If I don't solve this case, CyberLife will destroy me, Hank!" Connor exclaimed with a sense of urgency as Hank mulled over his options. A few minutes ago, the pair had been told that their investigation was terminated but the android knew that with a few more minutes, he could find the deviant's hiding place, Jericho. The key to the location was there in the evidence room. Connor just had to find it.

The lieutenant stood up, pointed out his keys and walked away, leaving the RK800 to go and complete his objectives.

It was the Stratford Tower deviant that led him to success. Since the android couldn't see, Connor was able to mimic the voice of Markus and get him to share the location though, afterwards, the deviant hunter felt a strange uneasy feeling in his mechanical chest. Guilt? But why?

"Don't dwell on this, Connor. You succeeded in finding Jericho. Now go and confront Markus. That's your new goal."

"Amanda?" the android muttered as he adjusted to the new sight of his handler standing before him in a particularly icy Zen Garden. "But i- I don't know what's happening to me! Please, if I'm not a deviant then what am I!?"

"A machine, that's all. Now do as your told!" There was irritation and frustration in her voice but for once the RK800 decided to be honest with her despite knowing that he was both figuratively and literally on thin ice. "I will, Amanda. But please, you know what I want right now, and I beg you to let me do it."

"With a knife? What if you accidentally destroy yourself? Connor, I have tried to respect your way of coping with this difficult situation but-"

"No, you haven't respected me at all! You've dismissed my concerns, my questions, my problems, and each conversation ends with you pretty much telling me to be quiet and get back to work!"

Connor expected the lady to retaliate, to shout at him, to threaten his deactivation. It was when the RK800 was met with silence he knew that he had really crossed the line. For a few seconds, only the wind howling punctured the tense atmosphere of the frozen garden. He couldn't look Amanda in the eye in fear that that would cause her wrath to descend on him, but Connor could feel her piercing brown eyes staring at the android before her in stunned disbelief. Amanda composed herself before saying in a dangerously calm voice "I'm not sorry, Connor, and I never will be. You will face consequences for your actions but for now, do what you must and neutralise the deviant leader. What the cost of your words will be depends on the outcome of this task."

Connor exited the garden, a terrifying new feeling of anxiety welling up inside. "Next stop: the storeroom," he thought as he climbed the stairs back up to the ground floor. His processors seemed hyper-aware of every sound as he strolled through the station, careful not to draw attention to himself. Perkins was in Fowler's office, hand clamping a bloody tissue over his nose. Clearly, Hank had gone all out with that distraction. Connor tried to work on calming his system but his synthetic heart skipped a beat when he spotted the lieutenant eyeing him from his cluttered desk. Despite the fact that his staring had eradicated any attempt to get rid of the nasty, nervous feeling in the RK800 stomach, Connor gave Hank a half-hearted thumbs up to try and appear relaxed when he passed by. By now, his mind was entirely focused on making a beeline to his room of newfound solitude although he didn't think Lieutenant Anderson saw him slip into that storeroom with a haunted expression on his face.

Quietly shutting the door behind him, Connor tightly clutched the handle of the knife he'd stolen from Stratford Tower's kitchen as he cautiously removed it from his pocket, careful not to accidentally slice the lining inside. He slid his jacket off and spun around to flick the light on, forgetting to lock the door as he watched the blade eagerly glimmer in the light, feeling the tension bubbling inside of him calm. What if I get caught though? People will think I'm a deviant and tear me apart!

Isn't that what you want? To be done with this? You know CyberLife will bring you back anyway. A cold little voice muttered in his head.

That's true, he thought, raising the knife above his marked arm. The speed of his thirium pump's anxious beats plummeted in sync with the blade being lowered onto the artificial skin and Connor hesitantly held it there for a few moments before dragging the metal up his arms, again and again, and again, careful not to go too deep. There wasn't much thirium dripping out but for once he was solely focused on the pain and nothing else. However, because of this, he didn't notice the door handle lower until the click of the door alerted him of someone's presence. "Connor…what are you doing?" The android raised his head to look into the bewildered, despairing eyes of Hank.

For a moment, time stopped as the lieutenant's eyes trailed down Connor's wrists, seeing every tale of his agony crudely illustrated while the deviant hunter's shaky voice frantically murmured,

"H-Hank, it's not, I-, I'm not a-a deviant, please-"

"What is it then, huh? You lied to me. You're not fine! That razor blade wasn't going to get thrown away, was it?" Hank yelled, his voice wavering, eyes sparkling. "You lied, Connor. You fucking lied!"

"What, so you're allowed to drink yourself to oblivion nearly every night but I'm not allowed to get some damn release? I'm not allowed to do THIS?!" The android roared back, synthetic tears rolling down his cheeks as he yanked the blade up his bleeding arm again, drawing more blue blood than he meant to in his anguish and torment. "Connor, please! Are you trying to kill yourself?! What was all that about earlier, huh? CyberLife will destroy you? Son, you're destroying yourself!" Hank cried while the hurt android continued to line his skin with new cuts. "No, no, no! Amanda was right. You're angry. I've failed, I've failed, I can't…" Seeing his distress, the android's partner took a different approach, gently saying "Connor, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Please, look at me and stop hurting yourself for just a moment. I'm not-"

"No, I should be sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Hank. I-i have to go," Connor said, grabbing his jacket and barging past the human. Hank could only watch helplessly as the android ran out the station, knowing better than to go after him.