A/N: I know I've said this before, but I really do appreciate the reviews for this story. I appreciate the candor and passion you have and, I'll be honest, sometimes it makes me want to do a major rewrite! Like many of you, I love Deacon too (and Deyna!), so it's been hard to portray him as someone very different from who we knew on the show. But that Deacon had a different life and I wanted to tell a different story than the one we saw. This story has still got me in its crosshairs and I'm thankful you're staying on this ride with me.
Rayna
No. I mean, if you're talking about some kind of relationship, no.
She closed the door, locking it. She turned and stood, her back against the door, his words echoing through her mind. She wasn't sure what she'd expected. No, that wasn't true. She was expecting that at some point along this journey to having their son that he would snap out of it. Have an epiphany. Realize what he was doing. Remember that they were completely and totally connected. She suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. She put her hand on her chest, trying to take in air, feeling a little lightheaded, then feeling panicky because she couldn't get a breath. She looked up, feeling herself struggle. She thought about Maddie, about the baby she was carrying, and finally she was able to take a small breath. She closed her eyes, willing herself to focus just on taking in another breath. It took several minutes before she felt her chest start to ease. Finally, she took in a deep, shuddering breath and she opened her eyes.
His words felt cryptic and evasive and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do with that. Is he just picking up someone at an after party? And how am I supposed to feel about that? The baby kicked and she moved her hand and placed it on her stomach where she'd felt the kick. This is what matters. The rest doesn't matter. I've survived worse. I'll survive again. She pushed off from the door, took another deep breath and walked towards the kitchen.
Deacon
He was pretty sure he'd not handled Rayna's question about whether he was seeing anyone really well. He'd told the truth – he wasn't – but he also knew he wasn't completely accurate either. He thought she was probably trying to gauge where he stood on their future and what he'd said between the lines was that there wasn't one, at least in the near term. He would tell her if there were ever a serious relationship, but he didn't see that happening anytime soon. He couldn't erase what Caroline had said to him. Here in Nashville, there's a big shadow over you. Not one most women would want to take on and not one I'm sure I want to either. Even if he wasn't with Rayna, she was a huge presence in his life still.
No one held a candle to Rayna though. He was pretty sure he'd never love another woman the way he loved her. Deep down inside, he thought that maybe, someday, things could be different for them. That one day maybe they could figure things out. But even if that didn't happen, he had told her the truth months ago – he would always love her. He needed time, though. Time to make his own way and prove to himself that he was worthy. On his terms. He just didn't know what the future would hold once he'd figured that out.
Rayna
She opened her front door and smiled when she saw Tandy standing there. "Hey," she said, hugging her sister as she walked in. She could feel the stifling heat even from the doorway and she quickly shut the door.
Tandy smiled but had a look of worry on her face. "How are you?" she asked.
She rolled her eyes and headed for the kitchen, Tandy following her. She looked at her sister. "Tea?"
"That would be great."
She went about getting glasses and filling them with ice. Then she got the tea from the fridge and poured. She handed one glass to Tandy and picked up the other one and walked into the den. They both sat and she waved her hand in front of her face. "I had to take a cold shower this morning," she said.
Tandy frowned. "Something wrong with your water heater?"
She laughed. "Oh no. I just can't tolerate one single degree of heat." She pointed at her sister. "I will tell you that a cold shower is still probably one of the worst things you can subject yourself to."
"Well, back to my question. How are you?"
She took a long sip of tea and then put the glass down. "Let's see. It's one of the hottest summers on record in Nashville and, lucky me, it's extended into September. I'm a week past my due date and I feel and look like a beached whale. I'm waddling, which is horrifically embarrassing. The other day Maddie asked me why I was walking funny. I'm exhausted and I'm tired of being pregnant."
Tandy reached out and squeezed her hand. "Won't your doctor induce you?"
"Monday. If this baby isn't out of me by Monday, that's the date. And I tell you what, this baby boy had better be the sweetest baby ever born after this torture."
"I'm sure he'll be mama's little angel." She gave her sister a side eye. "I'm guessing Deacon would be available then?"
"They end the tour here Friday night, so really anytime between now and Monday would work. He's been in town since Sunday actually and picked up Maddie Monday afternoon. He's dropping her off tomorrow."
Tandy sighed. "I hope you can count on him."
She frowned at her sister. "Stop. I know this is important to him. I'm not worried."
"Well, in any event, I'm still on baby duty. As soon as you need to go to the hospital, I'm ready."
She smiled then. Tandy had offered to be the one to take her to the hospital and she had gratefully accepted. She would let Deacon know when she was on her way so he'd have enough time to get there. Hannah had cleared her calendar as well so that she could come stay with Maddie. "Thanks, sweetheart. I really do appreciate it."
"Do you have a name picked out yet?"
"No. Well, I have ideas, but I want Deacon to be involved in that. I asked him to think of names he would like, but he hasn't shared anything as of now."
Tandy smiled. "What have you thought of?"
She shook her head. "I don't really want to say until he's here. But I can tell you he won't be named Lamar." She rolled her eyes. Her father had suggested that – she hoped not seriously – and she had just ignored him.
"Well, that's a pretty old fashioned name. You could use Wyatt though."
"Are you just trying to piss me off?" she asked.
"I would never try to piss off a woman who's still pregnant past her due date."
"Good thinking." She smiled.
Deacon
He was glad to be back in Nashville. Friday would be Luke's last tour date. He was ready for a break and planned to take one after his and Rayna's son was born. He knew she was past her due date and he felt bad for her. Not that he knew firsthand, of course, how difficult this all was, but having been there beside her for much of the time she was pregnant with Maddie, he knew this was the time when she was the most uncomfortable. And cranky. She'd been particularly cranky when he'd picked up Maddie, almost as if it was his fault.
She had given him all the information on what her plans were. Tandy would be there to take her to the hospital. She would call him after labor started and then again when they went to the hospital so he could be there. She had also told him, when he picked up Maddie, that if she hadn't gone into labor by the following Monday, they would induce her. She'd been 3 weeks early with Maddie, so he knew she was probably more than ready.
Luke's show was on Friday night, so as long as nothing happened before then, he would be free and clear and available. He wasn't as nervous as he'd been before Maddie was born. Now that he knew more of what to expect, he was ready. He was excited to meet his son and also a little nervous about it. He hoped he could do a good job raising a son. He promised himself he would do better than his own father had done. He didn't want his son to be afraid of him or worry that he would be like him, at least in a bad way. He knew things were different – he was no longer an active alcoholic and he would never hit either of his children. He wanted to be a good example. He'd loved being Maddie's dad and he was sure he'd love being the dad to his son as well.
Rayna had asked him if he had any thoughts on baby names, but he hadn't shared anything. He wasn't even sure what he liked. He didn't want his son to be a junior, though. He wasn't really sure why, but he thought it was important that he have a name all his own. All he'd thought of were names like Cade or Finn or Levi and he wasn't sure how Rayna would feel about those. He was also sure she would have already thought of names and he was fine with her picking something she liked. He wondered if she was disappointed that the baby was a boy, that she would rather have had a sister for Maddie, but he thought that even if she had been, it would probably only have lasted for a second. At least he knew she'd be a great mama. She already was.
She looked exhausted when he dropped Maddie off. "How are you doing?" he asked a little tentatively, knowing she probably would snap his head off.
She frowned. "I'm hot as hell and that's just from carrying around your son. That doesn't even include how hot it's been every day."
"My son? Isn't he ours?"
"When he's making my life miserable, he's yours." He noticed she was rubbing her back. That was something she'd done a lot right before Maddie was born, so he hoped maybe it was a sign. For her sake, at least. She tried to relax her face. "I'm sorry. I'm just miserable right now and ready for him to get out of me." She smiled a little. "So, you have your last show tomorrow?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
"You think you'll go out with him again?"
"I don't know if he'll ask, but probably not. Rita thinks I should get with another tour anyway."
"Well, that's probably good advice." She winced a little bit. "You know what? I need to go rest up. I know Maddie's going to be all wound up for the next day or two and it makes me tired just thinking about it."
"Yeah, sure, that's fine." He hesitated. "I hope, well, I hope you don't gotta wait until Monday."
"Me too." She gave him a weak smile. "Keep your phone on."
"I will." He watched as she closed the door and then he turned and walked back out to his truck.
He had just walked off the stage after his set when a very attractive woman walked up to him. She smiled as she approached him. "Hey there, Deacon Claybourne," she said.
He smiled back. "Hey there, Livy. You here to see Luke's show?"
She gave him a cheeky smile. "I came to see your show."
"My show?"
"I wanted to see you in front of a big crowd." She patted his chest. "And now I'm going to watch Luke's show. But I'll see you tomorrow, right?" They had scheduled a cowrite appointment for the next day.
He grinned. "Oh yeah." She walked away from him and he turned to watch her. He smiled to himself and then turned to leave the arena.
The tour was over and he was glad. He had not stayed for the end of the tour after party. He wasn't much of one for after parties anyway. As an opener it wasn't required, although Rita liked for him to attend. You never know when someone there will be interested in what you did on stage. He supposed that was true, but he still didn't feel compelled to go to every one. And especially the last night. After he'd gotten his gear stowed away in his truck, he got in and headed for home.
In the days he'd been with Rayna, they would normally head for the cabin after the end of a tour. They would stay for several weeks, just decompressing and making love and writing music, if the muse struck them. It was the perfect place – rural, secluded, and off the radar. The previous year he was still touring when Rayna finished her tour and when he'd finally gotten home he'd been sick, so there had been no end of tour ritual. He would have liked to do that this time, but he knew he could not. Rayna would be having the baby by Monday, and he needed to be in town. Plus he had that cowrite appointment the next day. He could get some sleep and be ready for the next day.
Rayna
She'd hardly been able to sleep the night before. It was impossible to get comfortable. She had walked around the house at midnight, then tried watching some TV, but couldn't stay focused. She went back to bed and picked up a book, reading for a bit. She was hoping maybe this was the sign she was going to start labor. But other than feeling like she had to go to the bathroom every 10 seconds, nothing was happening. Finally, out of sheer exhaustion she thought, she fell into a fitful sleep.
"Mama!" She felt Maddie jump up on her bed. When she opened her eyes, the sun was shining. She looked over at her daughter. Maddie smiled. "I'm hungry," she said. She glanced at the clock and saw that it wasn't even 7 o'clock.
She smiled back. "You are?"
Maddie scooted up to nestle in beside her, one of her little hands against her cheek. "Yes," she said. It seemed like maybe she was open to a little bit of cuddling first. She hoped so. She could be so changeable sometimes, not always wanting to snuggle.
"Could we lay here for a minute first?" she asked. "Mama didn't sleep well last night."
Maddie frowned. "How come?"
She put a hand on her stomach. "Baby brother won't let me sleep."
Maddie frowned. "Baby brother needs to be good," she said solemnly.
"Yes, he does." She slipped one arm around her daughter, holding her close. They would often nap this way on the tour bus and she loved it. "Are you excited about your baby brother?"
Maddie shrugged. "I don't know. When's he coming?" Her daughter still seemed ambivalent about the new baby.
She sighed. "Soon, I hope."
Maddie sat up then. "I'm hungry," she said, her voice a little more insistent.
"Okay, okay, I'll get up." Maddie scrambled off the bed and she began her clumsy movements to sit up on the edge of the bed and then stand. Maddie ran out of the room and she took a step before she felt a pain in her back. She also needed to go to the bathroom. Urgently.
"Maddie, I'll be down in a minute!" she called out and lumbered over to the bathroom. After she had taken care of that, she stood in front of the mirror and ran her hands through her hair. She looked at her reflection, thinking she looked huge. She felt another tweak in her back and pressed her hand against it, then turned and headed for the hallway.
It was just after 8:00 when a sharp back pain seemed to migrate around to her stomach. She felt pressure low in her abdomen and the pain seemed to increase, then slowly fade. She knew this was it. She wouldn't have to wait until Monday. With luck, she would be having a baby that very day. Or in the very early morning hours of the next. She called her sister and Hannah to put them on notice and then she waited.
She called Deacon when she'd been having regular contractions for about 2 hours. She frowned when she got his voice mail. "Deacon, it's me. I wanted to let you know I'm in labor. It's still early, but if you still want to be there, well, I just wanted you to know. I'll call when I'm on the way to the hospital." She disconnected. He'd said he wanted to be there, but she couldn't force him. Wouldn't force him. She hoped he got the message.
She walked back to the nursery. She was 8 days overdue, so everything had long been ready. Her hospital bag was waiting at the door. She walked over to the glider and, grabbing the arms, lowered herself into it. She'd had a regular rocking chair with Maddie, but the glider was so much better. She put a hand on her belly, thinking about raising two children now without Deacon. It made her sad and it made her mad. Things had been so good and then the bottom dropped out so quickly and he'd walked away from her and their daughter. When she discovered just weeks after he left that she was pregnant with their son she'd found herself hoping he'd come to his senses. But he had not.
She couldn't help but remember how excited he'd been when she was pregnant with Maddie. Everything about it was fascinating to him. He'd been with her every second as she went through labor and gave birth. He'd told her he'd be there at the hospital this time and he seemed excited at the idea of having a son, but it hadn't made him want to put their family back together. She ran her hand back and forth over her belly. "I'll always be here for you, my precious boy," she whispered. "You can always count on me. I hope your daddy makes it and is there to see you come into the world, but you know I'll always be there."
Labor was progressing a little more quickly than she remembered it from when Maddie was born. But that had also been 4 years earlier and she was in pain, so she acknowledged she might be misjudging it. She had called Hannah and asked her to come pick up Maddie. She didn't want Maddie to be scared by what she was going through. She just wasn't sure what a 4 year old understood. She told Maddie that by the next day she'd have her baby brother. It was almost comical how underwhelmed her daughter was, but she happily went off with Hannah. Once they'd left for the hospital Hannah would bring Maddie back home.
She heard the door open and close. "Rayna!" Tandy called out.
"I'm in here," she called back. Tandy bustled into the den, a big smile on her face.
"How are things going? When do you think we'll need to leave for the hospital?" She came around and sat down on the couch, reaching over and patting her leg. She looked her over and frowned just a little. "Is that what you're going to wear to the hospital?"
She looked down and then back at her sister. She was wearing a sleeveless tank top and shorts and even sitting inside, she still could feel a little perspiration on her neck. She had pulled her hair back into a messy bun. "Tandy, it's 90 degrees outside. And humid. And I'm hot as hell inside. I don't want to wear something else. Once I get to the hospital, I'll be in a gown anyway, so it doesn't matter what I wear there." She put her hand on her sister's arm. "I did put jeans in my hospital bag though."
Tandy shook her head and then ignored what she'd said. "How far apart are the contractions?"
"8 minutes," she said. She picked up the timer on the table next to her and handed it to her sister. "You'll need to time me." She pointed. "See how the time is tracking here?" Tandy nodded. "You'll time from the start of a contraction to the start of the next, then restart the timer. As you can see, I'm probably going to have another one in about 2 minutes. When they get to 5 minutes, we can head to the hospital."
"Okay. You'll tell me when it's starting?"
She looked at her sister and chuckled. "You'll know. But yes."
"Anything else I need to know right now?"
"You'll be glad to know that my water already broke, and I got all that cleaned up, so you don't have to worry about it." She grinned.
"Good." She shook her head and smiled. "I'm glad you're the one doing this and not me. But I am looking forward to meeting my nephew." She hesitated. "Have you called Deacon?"
She made a face. "I called him to let him know labor had started and that I'd call again when we left for the hospital."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing. Because I got his voice mail." She started to feel the start of another contraction and grabbed Tandy's hand. "Okay, here we go. Reset." She started to do her rhythmic breathing as the pain moved from her back to her stomach. She felt pressure in her lower abdomen as the pain rose to its zenith and then started to subside. She breathed out, long and slow, and unclenched her hand from her sister's.
"Well, that really didn't look like it felt so good," Tandy said.
"It really didn't, that's for sure." She let go of Tandy's hand. "If Deacon doesn't make it, just know you're going to get more of that."
Deacon
He set his guitar aside and leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face. It had been a long day. Productive, but long. He looked out through the sliding glass doors that led out to the backyard. He could see Livy standing out on the deck, leaning on the deck railing. When Livy Wells had introduced herself to him at the Bluebird the last time he'd done a showcase there, they had both been surprised they'd never met. She'd been in Nashville for nearly 10 years and had written on her own, as well as with some of the biggest powerhouses in country music. But their paths had never crossed, until that night. They had stayed at the Bluebird that night, just talking. When they finally had to leave, they'd headed for a nearby diner and talked more, even flirting a little bit. Harmlessly, of course. Before they went their separate ways, she'd invited him for a cowrite at her farm out in Chapmansboro, west of Ashland City. Which was what had brought him here.
It had been a bit of a slow grind. Neither of them had come with any ideas, so they had sat on her expansive deck, drank coffee, and explored concepts. They had written and thrown out more lines and melodies than he'd probably ever done before. He wasn't used to writing with someone else and he wasn't used to writing with a woman who wasn't Rayna. Which had made him think about her. For them, writing had been such an intimate process, and that process had often spurred ideas along. But he wasn't having that kind of experience with Livy. For one, although she was gorgeous and sexy, he just wasn't interested. And for another, she was tangled up with Luke. He thought that relationship was probably not going to last, but he sure wasn't going to get mixed up in it.
Eventually they had shared how they'd gotten into songwriting and some of the deepest wells they'd gone down, looking for inspiration and stories. She talked about how she'd grown up writing poetry first and then song lyrics, only to be told she would never make it. That she wasn't good enough, hadn't lived enough. Which had only made her more determined to prove people wrong. They had talked about his path to a solo career the first night they'd met, but she pulled out more from him, about what he'd given up to not only put his dreams aside but then to push them forward when he had the chance. They'd separated then, tasking themselves with writing something – a verse or a chorus or a bridge – on their own. Something they could come back to and put together.
He had not really written about his feelings when he'd made the decision to really work on that solo career and just what it had cost him. He didn't want to go too dark, but he'd worked on some lyrics that, after a lot of crossing out, rewriting, and moving around, had felt right. He picked up the lyrics they had finally put together and read the part he'd written.
First mile is always harder
When you're leaving what you know
Won't blame you if you stay here
Waving to me as I go
Always wished the best for you
Thought that you would see me through my wildest dreams
Yeah, the ones you thought I'd never make
Still, you would trade your best day
Just to have your way
All these years
And if you only had one shot
Maybe all this talk
Would disappear
He'd also written the lyric that started and ended the song. Sometimes good intentions don't come across so well. They had then put it all together, made a few more minor changes and then had kind of come to a pause. He'd started to work on a melody and was ready to share it with Livy, but he decided to check his phone first. He hadn't heard it ring or had any text alerts and when he looked at it, he realized why. There was no service. He felt a wave of panic as he stood up and hurried out to the deck. Livy turned to look at him when he opened the sliders.
"There's no cell service here?" he said, holding his phone up.
She smiled and shook her head. "No. I'm really in the boondocks here." Then she frowned. "Is there a problem?"
He shoved one hand through his hair. "It's my son," he said, feeling out of sorts. "I'm supposed to be at the hospital when he's born but I don't know if something's happened since I've been out here or not." He had a nagging feeling that Rayna had probably gone into labor and he didn't know. "How far do I gotta go to get service?"
"When you get closer to Ashland City. Do you need to leave?"
He nodded. "I think I should. I, uh, I started on the melody bit I'm not finished. I can leave it here if you want to work on it."
"Sure, I can do that." He walked back into the house and started to put his things back in his bag and his guitar back in the case. "This was a good session, I thought," she said.
He turned to look at her. "Yeah, I thought so too."
"I'll see if I can pull it together and I'll send it to you. See what you think."
He nodded. "Sounds good." He picked up his things. "I'm sorry."
"No worries."
He smiled gratefully and hurried out to his truck.
He was driving a little too fast down the road leading to the highway, but he didn't care. He turned on the highway and a few minutes later he started hearing the notification sounds on his phone. He pulled over the first place he could and reached for his phone, looking at the screen. He noticed Rayna had called and left 2 voice mails. His heart started pounding. She must have gone into labor. There really wasn't another reason she would have called. He opened up the first voice mail and listened. Deacon, it's me. I wanted to let you know I'm in labor. It's still early, but if you still want to be there, well, I just wanted you to know. That was 4½ hours earlier. The second one was about 3 hours later. Deacon, we're on the way to the hospital. In case you still wanted to be here. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was pissed. He'd promised her. And he wanted to be there. And yet here he was, still disappointing her it seemed, although not by choice.
He called Rayna, but the call went to voicemail. He then, very reluctantly, called Tandy.
"Well, it's about time you called," she said when she answered. He rolled his eyes.
"Sorry. I was at a writing appointment and it turned out there was no cell service." He cleared his throat. "She's at the hospital?"
"Yes. We got here about an hour ago. So you still have time if you still want to come."
He hesitated. "Can I talk to her?"
"The doctor's examining her right now. I don't think she'd be up to talking to you. I'm sure you remember."
He pressed his lips together and forced himself to be calm. He did remember. He hadn't known she knew that many swear words. "Where's Maddie?"
"Her babysitter is with her." She paused. "Oh, and Rayna's in birthing room 4. At Vanderbilt." He opened his mouth to say something, but then realized she'd hung up.
It was Saturday afternoon, late. The roads were busy and there was apparently a football game somewhere nearby so there was lots of traffic. It ended up taking him longer than he'd expected. As he drove, he couldn't help but think about when Maddie was born. He'd been in a panic. Rayna had seemed so calm, but he'd been a wreck. Watching her go through everything she went through had been both scary and intimidating. She'd been in pain until she'd had the epidural, but even then he could see how hard she had to work to deliver Maddie. At the last minute, it felt like to him, he wondered if he could do it. Be a father, raise a child, be a partner. But then the minute he'd held Maddie in his arms, he'd fallen in love with her. He'd known a love he'd never experienced before. It was different than the love he had for Rayna. He had promised himself then that he would always be there for his daughter, that he would love her and protect her and be the best father he could be.
Now, though, he and Rayna were not doing this together. Sure, there had been times when he'd wavered. Knowing that if he stayed away he wouldn't have that same experience with the new baby that he had had with Maddie. But every time he thought about whether he should go home, he'd felt something like a panic attack. The idea of letting go of the career he'd dreamed of would overwhelm him and it reminded him that he would forever wonder what if and if he would resent Rayna forever for making him put it aside.
Finally, he got to the hospital and parked. He practically ran to the hospital and up to the maternity floor. Even though it had been 4 years since he'd been there, it all felt so familiar. The nurse at the nurse's station pointed him in the right direction and he jogged down the hall. When he got to room 4, he stopped and just stood outside the door. He could hear voices – Rayna's and Tandy's – but he couldn't hear what they were saying. Then he heard Rayna cry out and he knew she was probably going through a contraction. His stomach felt all jumbled up and he had to remind himself to breathe. He took a couple of calming breaths and then he stepped into the room.
"Can I do anything?" He heard Tandy ask.
"I'm here," he said. They both looked at him. "I can take over."
Rayna
The contractions were coming more quickly and they were more painful. It wouldn't be long before they'd be in with the epidural. Tandy was flitting around the room, and it was making her crazy. "I'm going to make you leave if you don't sit down," she said, glaring at her sister.
"Well, you just look like you're in a lot of pain," Tandy protested.
She widened her eyes. "Really? You think that getting ready to push a baby out of your hoo ha is a walk in the park?" Tandy stared at her for a second and then burst out laughing. "It's not funny," she said, although she was having trouble not laughing too.
Tandy came to stand beside her and took her hand, squeezing it gently. She smirked. "Well, your hoo ha is funny." Her expression turned serious then. "So, it was over an hour ago that I talked to him. What in the hell is he doing?"
She didn't want to think about Deacon. She knew it was hormones, but it was upsetting that he still hadn't arrived at the hospital, even though Tandy had told her he'd finally called. He'd insisted all along he wanted to be there when their son was born, even though he hadn't seemed seriously interested in her pregnancy at all. He hadn't gone to doctor appointments with her, just waited for her to tell him how things were going. As the baby grew inside her, she had felt so alone without him for support.
She suddenly had the cramping feeling that signaled another contraction. She focused on breathing as the pressure started to grow in her lower abdomen. She held tightly to Tandy's hand as the sensation was building and spreading out throughout her pelvic area. She kept reminding herself not to hold her breath, to breathe like she'd been taught to do. She put her free hand on her belly, feeling how hard it was, as the pain built and spread until she wanted to cry. It felt like it lasted ten minutes, but in truth it was probably less than a minute, and then it began to ease off.
"Can I do anything?" Tandy asked, a look of concern on her face.
"I'm here," came a voice from the door. They both looked up to see Deacon standing there. "I can take over."
She was a little surprised when Tandy hesitated, but she knew it was because her sister had been livid about Deacon's seeming lack of interest and lack of support. She squeezed Tandy's hand. "It's okay," she whispered. Her heart was pounding. She was glad he was finally there. He looked a little nervous, but she decided not to worry about it. He looked good, in his flannel shirt and jeans. She had really missed him, in between the times she was angry at him. But he was here, like he said. She was glad they would welcome their son together.
Tandy glared at him and then left the room. He followed her with his eyes, then turned back, a hint of amusement on his face. "She sure don't like me," he said.
She made a face. "You can't really blame her, you know?" She sighed. She really didn't want to bicker with him. "I'm just glad you're here."
He walked over to the side of the bed. After a moment, he took her hand. "How close?" he asked.
She wasn't sure if he meant how close her contractions were or how close she was to actually giving birth and decided to assume the latter. "Pretty close," she said. "They'll be in pretty soon to give me the epidural and then it probably won't be long after that. They say second babies take less time." She'd been 3 weeks early when Maddie was born, but labor had been long and hard and by the time she pushed their daughter out of her body, she was exhausted. Things were definitely moving more quickly this time.
He breathed out. "I'm sorry I was so late getting here."
"Where were you?" She tried not to sound angry or irritated, even though she was.
"At a cowrite appointment. Turned out there wasn't no cell service there." She wasn't sure if she should believe him, but it wasn't like she could prove it wasn't true.
"Really," she said. "That was a pretty long cowrite appointment then. I called you probably 6 hours ago."
He dropped her hand and stepped back. "I told you what happened. I don't owe you any other explanations," he said, glaring at her.
She raised her eyebrows. "Actually, I think you kinda do, Deacon. You're the father of my children. Plus, you're legally still my husband."
He was still glaring. "I'm gonna take care of that," he said, raising his voice.
"Stop yelling."
"I ain't yelling," he said, trying to control his voice.
She felt another contraction coming and sat forward, pressing her hand on her back. She was starting to cry, which wasn't helping her get her breathing under control. She was so angry with him – and hurt. She didn't have a clue about what his personal life was like and it bothered her more than she wanted it to. She was struggling with breathing and was losing control with the pain. She pressed her hands low on her belly, knowing it wasn't helping, but too upset to think straight.
"Breathe, Rayna." She felt his hand touch hers and she grabbed at it, just as the contraction began to subside. He used his other hand to push her hair back. "Remember to breathe," he said. His voice was soothing. She looked at him and saw something in his eyes that told her he was there for her. "We can do this, right?"
She nodded. "Yes," she whispered. She laid back against the pillow and closed her eyes.
"You decided on a name?" he asked.
She opened her eyes. "No." She looked at him. "I really do want you to have a say." She'd said that to him at some point, hoping it would make a difference. He'd never responded and so she hadn't brought it up again.
"It don't matter to me, Rayna. It's okay if you pick."
It annoyed her that he was this disinterested. She understood that he didn't want her, but this was their child, regardless of the fact that he had left even before he knew she was pregnant. "Well, I don't know which one to pick. I like Austin or Jackson or..." She paused.
"Or what?"
She shrugged. "We could name him Deacon. For you."
He frowned. "He needs his own name." She sighed heavily. Then she moved herself, slowly, so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. "What are you doing, Rayna?"
She looked at him obstinately. "I want to walk."
He shook his head. "Are you sure?" He sounded agitated.
"Yes, I'm sure. If you want to walk with me, fine. If not, that's okay too." She slid down onto the floor and then started to walk along the edge of the bed. She knew someone would be in soon with the epidural, but Deacon was pissing her off and she just needed to be away from him. She moved away from the bed, gingerly reaching for the wall. She clutched the hospital gown close to her body with the other. Then she slowly walked out into the hallway, sliding along the wall.
She was ready for this baby to come. None of this had been like it was when she was pregnant with Maddie. Maddie had come early, and she was born in the spring. This time she'd been in her third trimester during one of the hottest summers she could remember. With each day that passed after her due date, she had felt more and more uncomfortable. He was going to be a big baby, probably more than 9 pounds, her doctor had estimated. Maddie had been a little over 7 pounds. But the worst part had been doing it all without Deacon. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and she rubbed her arm across them.
"What about Levi?" She heard his voice behind her, and she slowly turned to face him.
"What?"
"What about Levi? Levi Claybourne." She could see the sadness in his eyes, and she was pretty sure it meant that he didn't mean to seem so disconnected.
She smiled. "I think that's perfect."
He gave her a sharp nod, then reached out to grab her elbow. "Get back in the bed, Rayna," he said, firmly but not angrily.
Her emotions washed over her and she felt tears in her eyes, but she didn't want him to see them, so she looked away. She let him guide her back to the safety of the bed and then help her get resituated.
Just then a doctor walked in with a nurse to give the epidural. "Are you ready for the epidural, Ms. Jaymes?" he asked. Deacon walked out into the hallway, giving her privacy.
She smiled gratefully. "Oh, yes, I am."
After the epidural, when the doctor left the room, Deacon walked back in. He looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "7 centimeters. We've still got a little ways to go." She was lying on her side, leaning her head on the pillow. She closed her eyes. The pain was subsiding, but she did still feel the pressure of each contraction. She was ready to deliver this baby. She'd been pregnant too long and was over it.