Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Pleasantly surprised at the feedback and the fact that some of you enjoyed the first chapter. I'm glad my attempt at humor at least got a chuckle from you. Let's get to it and do enjoy!

Sasuke Uchiha was not amused with the recent developments in his life, as he made his way to his classroom. Reason? Naruto fucking Uzumaki. His best friend ditched him at a café, yesterday, where they were supposed to catch a quick meal then head over to the dojo for some training. But no, they encountered a ridiculous situation that Naruto was more than eager to go along with. Who in their right mind, would agree to be a random girl's boyfriend? Well, Sasuke always questioned Naruto's sanity but this was pushing it to be honest. He could agree that the girl, Ino - he learned her name from her equally distressed friend, who made for a nice conversationalist - was attractive. But Naruto was not one to care about looks, despite having a perverted Godfather and older adoptive brother. So that shouldn't sway him like that, yet, the chaotic blonde did not hesitate to agree to the girl's proposal, and literally skipped away from the café with her.

Sasuke at least was assured by Sakura, that Ino was not a psychotic mass murderer whose victims were naïve, innocent blonde teenage boys. He offered the same assurance for her, and decided to opt out Naruto's minor pyromaniac tendencies, for her peace of mind. Sasuke had to admit, he enjoyed speaking with his fellow Victim of a Blonde Menace, as they complained about their friend's tendencies. They didn't stay too long at the café, as they both had responsibilities and anxiety over their best friends to deal with, but before leaving they exchanged numbers to vent to each other at a later date.

Back to the current situation, Sasuke was not amused and very cranky. After going to the dojo, and getting his ass kicked by Gai-sensei, he stayed up past his self-designated bed-time waiting for Naruto's text. He had half a mind to call Aunty Kushina and tell her what her son did, but Naruto always had his back when he had his rebellious moments with his parents. After 12:00 PM, 2 hours past his bed time, the idiot messaged him saying he was back home and asked if he wanted to play Call of Chakra with him. Sasuke kindly cussed out the blonde and bid him a good night. At least he knew his friend was safe and sound and he could sleep peacefully.

With a scowl, Sasuke opened the door of his classroom and headed over to his seat. He glanced around and saw that most of his friends were already there. Shikamaru was half asleep on his desk, Choji was eating from a bag of chips while watching something on his phone, Kiba was scrolling through his phone whilst Shino seemed to preparing for their first class of the day. They all became friends after a while of being in HH and kind of made their own group. Frankly, Naruto befriended all of them and dragged Sasuke along. It seems the blue-eyed youth thought Sasuke was too introverted and incapable of making friends, which he reasoned was not good for their high school life. Of course, Sasuke would deny those claims, despite the truth in them.

"Hmm, did 'Ruto over sleep again?", Kiba asked as he looked up from his phone, towards the Uchiha who sat down at his desk. Most times, both Sasuke and Naruto would walk to school. The times they didn't, usually meant the young Uzumaki slept past his alarm.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted. He removed the supplies he needed for the upcoming lesson, then placed his bag under his chair. Those who did not know him would think he dismissed Kiba, which was not the case. Sasukenese was a language playfully dubbed by Naruto, where one could translate his grunts based on the tone and pitch used. Hence, the others knew he agreed with what Kiba said with some exasperation.

"I'm sure he'll get here on time," Choji commented, without lifting his gaze from the mobile device on his desk.

Typhoon Kushina will definitely wake him up, Sasuke thought in amusement. Despite his sunny personality, Naruto did not wake up with the sun. He also had a bad habit of staying up late, doing kami knows what, if not gaming or binging on a show. This did not bode well with Aunty Kushina, who was a force to be reckoned with when angered.

"Tch, if he is tired that's good," Shikamaru grumbled from his desk. He lazily opened his eyes and looked towards Sasuke. "My blonde senses have been all over the place since yesterday. I don't know if it's because of him or another blonde I know," the boy said as his eyes narrowed.

Shino tapped his pen on his notebook and looked at the others. "It would do us well, to heed to Shikamaru's words. Why? His blonde senses saved us from many dire situations."

The group collectively shivered at his warning. Sasuke was sure they were all thinking about that last incident over the summer when they went dirt biking in Konoha outskirts. Naruto thought it would be cool to add flames to some of his stunts, and luckily Shikamaru's foresight saved them. The casualties were lessened to a few flaming squirrels and minor property damage. To this day, investigators didn't know who was behind the scorched mini-craters in the eastern outskirts and the reason why the squirrels in that section of the forest seemed more feral.

Sasuke's brow furrowed as he thought of the rest of the Nara's statement. Did Shikamaru know Ino, he questioned inwardly. He scoffed at his thoughts thinking that there were more than two blondes in Konoha. There was no way Shikamaru could foresee the ludicrous events of yesterday, no matter how spot on his senses were. Shikamaru was a genius, not a prophet. Those past incidents were coincidental, he rationalized.

With a loud bang, the classroom door swung open, slamming into the adjacent wall. Standing there in his disheveled glory was the reason for Sasuke's crankiness. "Sweet, I made in time," Naruto panted out as he wiped off the sweat from his brow. His jacket was inside out, shirt untucked and they could all see his mismatched pair of socks somehow covering the lower part of his pants. Aunty Kushina must have been preoccupied, if she let him leave the house in that state, Sasuke thought.

Whilst the rest of the class went back to their previous conversation, accustomed to the blonde's loud entrances, the teen looked over to his friend group with a grin. He made his way over to his seat, next to Sasuke, his body vibrating with excitement. Yesterday was easily one of the best days of his life. He never expected such a normal day - well as normal as it gets for an Uzumaki - to result in him getting a cute girlfriend. Sure, Sasuke was probably pissed at him for being ditched at the café, but hey, a good boyfriend treated his girl to ramen. It was the law.

"Morning boys!", Naruto exclaimed as he plopped himself onto his desk facing the group of teens. "You are now looking at a taken man," he announced as he spread out both arms and puffed out his chest smugly.

Without missing a beat, Sasuke snapped irritably, "And it's going to blow up in your face you buffoon." The tell-tale signs of a Naruto-induced migraine was starting to show. He could tell the others were puzzled by both of their statements.

"Taken?", Kiba questioned with a frown. "I hope you didn't agree to take candy from some guy in a van, 'Ruto. If it wasn't for Choji you could have been kidnapped the last time!" Kiba scolded with a tired voice. He usually went along with Naruto's schemes for the fun of it, but sometimes he really did worry about the teen throwing caution into the wind.

"Oi, that was misunderstanding! That was Big Bro Obito messing around, when he came to visit. He's kind of weird at times, but I think that's because of his time in the Police Force. He's somewhat sane once you get past his mutterings of world domination," Naruto pointed out, as he crossed his arms with a pout. He wasn't that naïve to go take candy from a stranger. Now if it was ramen, that might be a different scenario.

"What a drag," Shikamaru muttered as he stretched from his seat. "Just get on with it already. No need for your troublesome theatrics."

"Eh, no fun Shika," Naruto frowned only for him to smirk right after. "Fine. I have a girlfriend! And unlike you guys, she definitely appreciates my awesomeness" he exclaimed proudly at the group.

Only to be met with shocked silence. Sasuke groaned and with a smack, dragged his palm over his face, leaving a faint red mark on his forehead. "And you're a fucking idiot who shouldn't agree to be some stranger's boyfriend," Sasuke muttered, jolting the other boys from their stunned states.

"Wait a minute," Kiba stated slowly and turned towards Sasuke whilst pointing at Naruto, who was beaming with joy despite Sasuke's admonition. "He's really telling the truth? What's gonna happen to SasuNaru then? I was rooting for the two of your dunderheads to get together you know!"

Choji choked on his snack whilst holding back a laugh while the other two snickered quietly to themselves. Most students at school, including the staff, shipped Naruto and Sasuke. There was even a fan club to support the couple, that Kiba may or may not have started with the help of an enthusiastic recent graduate, Rock Lee. He wanted to be a supportive friend, whilst Lee was all about spreading youthful love. Unlike Sasuke, Naruto was aware of the support group and even attended gatherings to complain about how Sasuke could be insensitive jerk.

"Inuzuka, I swear I'll break that nose of yours," Sasuke growled. He and Naruto never acted like a couple, so he didn't understand why people would even pair up the two of them. Yes, they may bicker like a married couple at times, there were a few times Naruto insisted on feeding him which he agreed to reluctantly, they may or may not have matching pajamas, and then there was that kissing incident when they were younger, but that didn't mean anything. Besides, he blamed Naruto for all of those situations and would deny everything to his grave.

"That does not make sense. Why? Because before someone is involved in a serious relationship, the couple dates before making their commitment. In that way, each person knows each other better before moving their relationship further," Shino stated in his usual matter of fact tone. Everyone nodded at his statement, while Sasuke thanked Kami that at least there were others who noticed the oddity of the situation, despite not knowing yesterday's event.

"But Naruto is not normal," Choji said in a wizened tone. There were a couple of agreeing sounds as the others considered this point as well. Even Sasuke agreed with a resigned grunt. However, that did not make it okay, for Naruto to run off into the sunset with a girl he barely knows, he reasoned to himself with a frown.

"Who wants to be normal anyway?" Naruto argued as he rolled his eyes. "Listen, Pookie is an amazing girl! We went to Ichiraku's yesterday, which she genuinely enjoyed and that's a plus in my books. I mean she's no ramen connoisseur, but she wants to go back with me to try the other flavors. She likes gardening as well, so after we ate, we went to the Senju Park before heading over to the mall." Honestly, he understood Sasuke's worry and the other's concern, but he believed himself to be a great judge of character! And his Pookie was awesome, believe it.

Silence once again, despite the background chatter of other students as the classroom filled up. Sasuke was about to continue admonishing his friend, hoping for Shikamaru and Shino to back him up as they were the most logical of the group, only to stop when Kiba turned sharply and regarded Naruto with an incredulous look.

"Hold up," Kiba stated with a raise of his hand. "Pookie?" Sasuke blinked and stared at Naruto with a slack expression.

"Yes, Pookie, my girlfriend," Naruto said with annoyance. Honestly, these guys were so slow sometimes he thought.

Sasuke once again smacked his forehead with a heavy sigh. Kiba guffawed along with Choji, who had the good idea to stop eating until the situation was dissolved. "Please tell me that's not her actual name," Shino asked, both eyebrows furrowed wondering what parent would name their child 'Pookie'.

Naruto rolled his eyes, "Obviously not, bug-man. We came up with "cutesy couple" nicknames, yesterday." Shikamaru rolled his eyes in disbelief at the fact that Naruto just said 'cutesy' in a sentence. The tanned teen looked thoughtful then snapped his fingers whilst making an 'o' shape with his mouth. He pulled his phone from his bag and said, "Coming to think of it, I've got a picture of us from our date. Then you guys will see that I am telling the truth." Once he found the photo in his gallery, he showed them his screen with a satisfied smirk.

All the boys leaned forward to see who the mysterious girl was. Sasuke already knowing, was still curious as to what kind of photo they took. The two blondes were in the Senju Park, based on the many trees in the background. It seemed they were on one of the popular trails that wounded around the park, as there were a few people milling about behind them. Naruto was holding the phone at a high angle, causing the two to look up. He had a toothy smile, scrunching up his nose, giving him a playful appearance. The blonde girl stood next him, copying his expression, with one hand resting on Naruto's outstretched hand. He really didn't want to admit it, because of how the two blondes came to meet, but they actually looked … good together.

Sasuke blinked in surprise, when Choji bag of chips dropped onto his desk. The boy mouth was agape as he stared at the photo with his normally squinting eyes fully opened. He heard a sharp intake of breath from Shikamaru, who suddenly paled as he stared at the photo. Kiba and Shino seemed just as confused as him at the boys' reactions, and gave them questioning looks.

"That's Ino," Shikamaru choked out, as he stared at the photo in horror. Choji nodded slowly at what his best friend uttered out. Oh, so those two know her, Sasuke mused. Konoha was a small place, but most kids whose families had generational ties to others usually knew each other.

Naruto scrunched up his face in confusion as he looked between the Nara and Akimichi. "Huh? Who's Ino?" He asked with a curious tilt of his head. Kiba looked even more confused, whilst Shino who caught on, started to rub at his temples and stared at his desk.

Sasuke stared at Naruto in shock, his mouth slightly parting as he allowed for Naruto's question to echo in his mind. No, he thought. Naruto would know her name, right? For Kami's sake, when they were kids, the guy would even stop and ask homeless people for their names when giving them his loose change. But staring at the blue-eyed teen's puzzled expression, his doubts were confirmed.

"Fucking blonde idiot," Sasuke groaned in exasperation. His Naruto-induced migraine was starting to ramp up now. "You don't even know your own girlfriend's name! Yet, you're still going along with this," Sasuke hissed. He held the bridge of his nose, thinking he would definitely beat the shit out of Naruto during practice later today.

"This is bad," Shikamaru muttered to himself, "Ino I can deal with alone. Naruto I can deal with alone. But both of them together. No, this can't be. This must be a nightmare. There's no way the universe is against me like this. I can't deal with those two blondes at the same time. Fuck!" Said boy seemed to be spiraling towards madness as he thought of the blonde calamity heading his way. Choji patted him on the back with concern, Shikamaru had an aversion to blondes for some strange reason.

"It's okay Shika! It's not like they're both gonna be at the family brunch on Sundays. You still get to deal with them one at a time," Choji said in hopes of soothing his friend. Kiba in the meantime was dying of laughter, gripping his stomach, as he tried to catch his breath. Shino was probably facing a Naruto-induced headache, much milder than his usual Kiba-induced headaches, as he kept rubbing his temples to ease the tension.

Naruto spotted a surprised look at the new information. "So, her name is Ino huh," he said softly as a small smile appeared on his face and a light blush dusted his tanned cheeks.

Sasuke who was about to snap at the boy again, stopped when he saw the look on Naruto's face. He leaned back in his seat, and shook his head with a heavy sigh. He could tell Naruto was beginning to like this girl, a lot more than he expected. There was no way he could talk his friend out of the strange situation, if he had such a dopey look on his face. That doesn't exactly clarify Ino's feelings or intentions though. If anyone asked Sasuke, he would say he finds this whole thing annoying and not worth his time. But those who know him, can tell that he is genuinely worried about his friend getting hurt. I suppose I'll just monitor this situation, Sasuke mused. If the idiot got his heart broken, he'd be there to help pick up the pieces and would be more than happy to say 'I told you so, dumbass', afterwards.

Naruto tucked his phone in his pocket, since the boys were now aware he was telling the truth. Just as he sat down, Iruka Umino entered the classroom to start their first class, Biology. The man paused when his eyes landed on the friend group consisting of fiends, ah, teen boys. The Nara boy seemed paler than usual, muttering to himself, instead of sleeping on his desk as he normally does. Stranger even, the usually munching Choji was comforting his friend with a worrisome look. The Aburame kid seemed to be spotting a headache and rubbing his temples, instead of his usual stoic demeanor. Inuzuka was struggling to breathe for some reason, while holding his sides. Uchiha had a strange red mark on his forehead and the Uzumaki boy was staring off into space with a dreamy expression. Iruka decided to not ask what was going on with the group. He didn't need any new grey hairs from dealing with the mayhem caused by those specific troublemakers. Anko always reminded him about his own teen years and told him to let the kids make memories. Well once they didn't disrupt his class too often.

"All right! Settle down boys," he demanded, causing the entire class to quiet down. With that, Iruka turned to the board to start writing the topic for today's class. He could hear the sounds of books being dropped onto the desks, a few chattering as the teens got prepared for their note taking. His eyebrow twitched however when he heard Kiba's not so quiet whispering.

"Psst, Ruto, what does your girlfriend call you?" the boy asked. Iruka paused in his writing, when did Naruto get a girlfriend, he thought. He shook his head, and resumed his task.

"Schnookie," Naruto replied in a happy tone. The chalk in Iruka's hand broke as he disguised a snort with a cough. He heard Kiba stifling his laughter badly, as well as a smacking sound and a pained groan. He turned around to see the rest of the class glancing curiously at the friend group. Well, Iruka thought in amusement, that explains the red mark on Sasuke's forehead.

"Alright boys, focus!", he exclaimed, once again getting the students' attention. "So, yesterday we were talking about cells in the human body. Who can tell me what mitosis is? This will be coming up on your exam, so pay attention."

At the end of a long and tiring day, the two Victims of Blonde Menaces, Sakura and Sasuke, were on a phone call venting about their best friends.

"So, let me guess," Sasuke dragged out, "Ino doesn't know Naruto's name and she calls him Schnookie."

"Wha-, h-how did you know!?" Sakura gasped in shock. Ino had been gushing over her freaking Schnookie all day in school. Sakura couldn't talk the girl out of her crazy idea due to her stubborn remarks that her Schnookie was making out to be an amazing boyfriend. Sakura felt her blood pressure shoot through the roof, when Hinata curiously asked for the name of the boy, only to find out the girl didn't know! Hinata had to stop her from strangling Ino right then and there, and the damned blonde still had the audacity to tell her save the violence for their bedroom activities. Sakura calmed down when she saw Ino's reaction after telling her the boy's name. Her friend's eyes lit up with elation, a small smile graced her face and she softly whispered the boy's name. Sakura couldn't find it within herself to continue scolding the girl.

"It's been a harrowing day," Sasuke sighed and he then began to tell the pinkette about the events that occurred today.

Meanwhile, the two blondes that caused their best friends' stress and concern, were actually on a video call talking about their day and planning their next date.

A/N: So thoughts, concerns, emotional outbursts?

Seems Naruto and Ino were so into their date, they skipped the usual name introduction format and jumped right into giving each other nicknames. I think its a running a gag by now for Sasuke's grunts to be his personal language, AU or not. Hopefully, I've set up a good dynamic with the boy's friend group. The squirrel on fire is actually based on a true story from my experience. Some neighborhood kids got up to no good, and instead of a squirrel it was a chicken, which was saved thankfully. Figured a squirrel would fit better, since its Konoha.

Anyone watched Sabrina The Teenage Witch ('96-'03)? I'm playing off of the "Mitosis is ..." scene a little bit, by that being their topic in Biology class.

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