(The Life in the Light)

A/N: This story came about because of a conversation I had with Mendenbar.

I don't own Bones.

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The coolness in the bar a welcome relief from the heat outside, Booth sipped his Scotch and stared at his image in the mirror behind the bar. "Bones let me come back home."

Relieved that Booth and Brennan were back together, Aldo's face broke out into a grin. "Well thank God for that." Pouring himself a small glass of whiskey, he held it up in front of Booth. "Sláinte". Tossing the drink back against his throat, he savored the slight burn as he swallowed it.

Raising his own glass, Booth sipped more of his drink and lowered the glass. "Yeah. I'm back home, but she's afraid. Then again so am I. She's taking a risk that I'll behave and not gamble anymore. I can't let her down. The next time she may kick me out for good. I can't go down that road anymore. I can't risk her never taking me back."

"Have you figured out why you gambled again, after all this time?" Aldo worried that Booth's trigger might not be gone. "You've been under a hell of a lot of pressure, all the crap that's been done to you and Temperance."

He blew his breathe out slowly between his lips while he stared at the partially filled glass in his hand. "I'm not a hundred percent certain, but . . ."

Aldo waited and when his friend didn't continue, he leaned against the bar and lowered his voice. "If you don't know then how are you going to guard yourself? You have to know what triggered it."

"You know when I was in the Army I was approached by the FBI." Booth stared at his image in the mirror again. "I was having a bad time with all the deaths I was responsible for. You remember."

Since Booth's crises of faith was the reason he was no longer a priest, Aldo nodded his head. He couldn't blame Booth for his own crises, but he did resent the fact that God had made a good man like Booth doubt his own humanity over and over. "Yeah, I remember."

"The recruiter talked to me for quite a while and I realized that I would be better off with the FBI than the Army." Booth finished his drink and placed the glass on the bar, his gaze still on his own image. "I could go to college part time and get my degree and once that was done I could leave the Army and join the FBI . . . They were doing great things and I'd get to help."

Booth paused and considered what he was about to say. "I thought by working for the FBI I could help erase some of my bad karma on my cosmic balance sheet. I killed so many men and the blood on my hands was getting harder to wash off . . . Working for the FBI, I could save kidnap victims. I could stop evil people from destroying lives. I could catch murderers and make them pay for taking lives . . . It was an answer to my prayer. It was the best thing I could do for my soul."

As he listened to Booth talk, Aldo remembered the young soldier who had come to him to confess his sins over and over again. The young man who had agonized over killing for his country even if those deaths were for the greater good. That young man's many crises of faith during that time had eaten at Aldo until he couldn't stand it anymore. He hated that God could make a young man fear for his immortal soul.

Booth pushed his empty glass towards his friend and smiled. "How about another?" While Aldo refilled his glass, Booth waited patiently. Once it was ready, he took the filled glass in his hand and sipped some of the fiery amber liquid. "I trusted the FBI. They were the good guys. I was a good guy. With Bones' help, we caught a hell of a lot of murderers. I was able to help rescue kidnap victims sometimes. We took evil people out of the population and we protected our people, our country. That's what we did. I loved working for the FBI. It was . . . it was great. It gave me a greater purpose, it . . ."

Aldo heard the sadness in Booth's voice and he felt so sad for him. "And then they betrayed you."

Somberly, Booth nodded his head. "Yeah. They betrayed me . . . They knew me, they knew I wasn't a murderer and yet . . . I was in prison for murder." Booth pounded his fist on top of the bar. "Murder!" His throat tight, Booth knew he was being too emotional, but the wound was still raw. "I loved the FBI and I was loyal to them. I've always done whatever they asked me to do and . . . none of it mattered. They treated me like Howard Epps. They assumed I was guilty, that I could murder three Agents. They didn't care that I was attacked in my own home. They . . . they didn't look into any further than they had to. They believed some absolute bullshit. I almost died when those guys came for me. I was defending myself. Durant wanted me dead and those guys weren't Agents, but the FBI didn't bother to even verify what happened. I'll never forgive them for that. Never!"

His friend in emotional pain, Aldo reached over and placed his hand over Booth's clenched fist. Glancing at the back of the bar, he was glad that he had only two other customers and that they were busy watching a soccer match on the TV. "But you're working for them again, so you must have forgiven them."

"Never!" Booth removed his hand from under his friend's hand. He moved his glass up to his lips and drank down his drink until the glass was empty. "Never. I'll never forgive them for what they did."

Confused, Aldo shook his head. "I don't understand . . . "

"I'll never trust those fuck ups again." Booth interrupted his friend. "But I have to be me. I want to help people that need it. I want to catch murderers who thought it was okay to take someone's life. I want to lock up the evil people of the world, but to do that I have to work for the FBI. I need the broad jurisdiction of my job to do what I do. Bones needs my link to the FBI to do what she does. I can't stop working for them, but I'll never trust them ever again. That's done. I'm not naive enough to every let that happen again."

Aldo slowly nodded his head. "Okay . . ."

"That was the trigger." Booth rushed to get it out. "The betrayal, Sweets' murder . . . it ate at me. It made me weak and it made me not want to care like I used to. My life was out of control and no matter how much I tried I couldn't seem to get that back . . . and then I went under cover and I gambled and I remembered how much I loved to gamble and I could count on that when I couldn't count on anything else. The winning gave me a rush and it gave me a false sense of control. Hell at first I was making so much money I put some of it in Parker's college fund and I bought a necklace for Bones for the hell of it. It wasn't a holiday and I didn't have to save up to buy it. I could just walk into the jewelry store and slap some cash down and I could buy her something pretty because she deserved it. I deserved it."

Careful not to say anything, Aldo knew that Booth needed to vent and he let him.

"It was great until it wasn't." Booth sighed deeply. "I started to lose and I lost big. I risked my pregnant wife and my daughter over my fucking habit and I didn't know it until it was too late. Bones had a right to throw me out of the house. I needed that wake up call. I needed a reminder of why I can't gamble anymore . . . So yeah, I know what my trigger is and I know how to control it. I'll never trust anyone again except for my Bones and some of the squints. No one else gets a pass."

His hand rubbing his forehead, Aldo stared at Booth and knew that his friend had changed. "That's not good, Booth. You need to trust the people you work with."

Booth nodded his head. "I do. I trust Bones, Hodgins, Cam, Angela, Caroline and Aubrey. Those are my people. Everyone else can go to hell. This is how I'm going to control my trigger. Trust no one but my family. I'm done with everyone else."

Since his name hadn't been mentioned, Aldo wondered if he was part of Booth's family. "I'm your friend, Booth. You can count on me."

His cheeks now a dusky rose from embarrassment, Booth reached over and patted Aldo's hand. "Yeah, sorry. You're part of my family too, Aldo. Thanks."

Grimly, Aldo nodded his head. "Damn right I'm part of your family. There are more of us too if you'll just open your heart."

Slowly, Booth shook his head. "I can't take the risk, Aldo. I can never gamble again. I can't lose Bones. My family is small and it's going to remain small. I won't give my trust away like I use to. It has be earned."

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Let me know what you think of my story. Thank you.