Amanda had made the choice to finally leave Atlanta and the APD in her past. Deciding her career needed a change of scenery if she was ever going to make something of herself. Having just passed the detectives exam she found the Special Victims Unit in Manhattan was in need of a new detective. Amanda called and asked about the job, and a little over a week later, she found herself looking for apartments in New York City. Excited she made the move quickly after finding a decent apartment. The following Thursday Amanda found herself walking into the 16th precinct ready to start a new job. A week later in the middle of a case it was announced that another new detective was joining the unit. Amanda watched as one of the most handsome man she had ever seen walked into the squad room. Even though he looked like he had just spent a month on the street he still made her heart jump. Pretending that he didn't have an effect on her, she stood up and introduced herself. She learned a few days later that he was married, and quickly decided that no matter what she thought she may have felt when he walked into the room. Nothing could ever happen to them and dug into her bag of tricks keeping herself guarded. That night as she got ready for bed, came the first set of flashes of memories started flooding Amanda's brain. The images made no sense to Amanda they seemed to be of a girl who looked like a younger version of herself but with long black hair. As quickly as the images came they faded away, not giving Amanda any time to fully understand them. Over the next year at random times more of these images flashed through Amanda's mind. The longer she had them the more they became clearer and she could sense the feelings surrounding the memories. The strangest set of memories came one night after helping Nick on a rough case that somehow ended up slightly involving his six year old daughter. Meeting the little girl had Amanda feeling flashes of the young woman from her memories being pregnant and not sure what to do. The woman quickly deciding that despite everything in her telling her that she needed to end the pregnancy, she had the baby a little girl. She kept the baby until a man had told her that thanks to the picture she had given up, his team was able to locate the father. Watching as the young mother wrote a short letter explaining to the man that she knew he would be a better parent to the child than she could ever hope to be. The letter also explained that the only name the little girl had was a middle name of Isabella and that he could name her, she included the ripped picture of him to prove that he was the father. The woman cried as she handed the baby to the man and he walked out of both the room she was standing in and out of her life. Over the next few months the memories seemed to stop appearing in Amanda's head, it was also the time when Nick stopped wearing his wedding ring and announced that he and his wife were getting a divorce. It wasn't until nearly a month later that she heard Nick yell his daughters full name as she ran around the precinct that suddenly all the memories hit Amanda at once in chronological order, kind of like a crystal clear movie in her head.
"Zara Isabella Amaro, sit down" Nick said to the little girl and that was all it took for Amanda to lose it. She ran off to the bunk room and cried her eyes out. There were too many things lining up in the situation for her memories to not mean anything.
"Amanda, are you okay? What happened?" Nick asked notifying Amanda that he had followed her up to the room and sat next to her on the bunk. Amanda tried with all her might to shake her head like nothing was wrong, but all she could do was cry, rivers of tears. Nick held on to Amanda as she cried. After what seemed like hours Amanda was able to stop crying and looked at Nick.
"This is going to sound strange but over the last few years, I have been getting these flashes of memories, like how you would think a person with amnesia would feel as all the memories they had forgotten had suddenly after any amount of time cracked though and made their way to the surface of their mind. Hearing your daughters' middle name was like the strike that finally broke the block around my memory and reminded me of the daughter I gave up. It just makes me wonder how she is and where she ended up, and if she even has parents who love her" Amanda said after gaining control of her voice.
"Why did you give the baby up?" Nick asked sounding both confused and concerned.
"Because I was young and knew I wouldn't be able to raise the child myself. I also didn't think I could that constant reminder of the only man I have loved. Despite the fact our whole relationship was built on lies. He also took off on me without a second thought, before I had the opportunity to tell him the truth about everything" Amanda said.
"Did you ever try to locate him or her after?" Nick asked. Amanda shook her head.
"No, six months after I gave her up I had an unfortunate accident leading to a major case of amnesia, the doctors thought that I would never get the memories back. Please don't tell anyone what I told you, it is my problem to deal with, I'm sorry to have unloaded my drama on you" Amanda said realizing that she had just unloaded her problems on a co-worker/friend. She tried wiping away her tears and standing up, wanting to get out of this situation as quickly as possible not wanting to feel pitied for what she had gone through.
"Amanda, your secret is safe with me. I would never betray your confidence like that even if I know that you never meant for me or anyone to learn what you said." Nick said as he stood up also. Amanda nodded knowing that her deepest regret would be safe guarded. The rest of the day passed by with very little happening and before Amanda knew it she was gathering all her things and getting ready to go home for the night.
"Amanda, something tells me that we have similar pasts, and they may have something in common. So why don't you come over for dinner and I will tell you something about my past that I have never told anyone. Maybe we can figure out our mysteries together" Nick said as they walked out the precinct to their cars. A few hours later Amanda found herself pulling up in front of Nick's house after stopping by her apartment to grab a small box that she always kept with her but never had the strength or will to open. She was both scared and curious about what she might learn tonight. Taking a deep breath Amanda walked up the stairs and knocked on the front door. A few minutes later Nick opened the door and welcomed Amanda into the house. The two of them grabbed a plate full of food that Nick had prepared as well as a beer before making their way to the couch. They sat in silence as they ate, not sure how to bring up the subject that has her here.
"What I am about to tell you is something that I have never told a single person, not even Maria knows this" Nick said suddenly after the two had finished eating, his eyes looking down at the floor.
"Then why do you want to tell me, if it's that that hard for you I am ok with not knowing. I am not sure what our pasts could have in common, but I am okay with not knowing. I have accepted that I did the best thing I could have for my child, and I just have to believe that where ever she is, she is safe and happy." Amanda said with a resolve that she knew she didn't have a minute ago.
"I haven't talked about it, because it's hard to talk about. I don't talk about it because as much as I love my daughter, I never wanted people to think poorly of me for how she came into my life." Nick said. Amanda looked at him confused. She was always sure that Nick and Maria had had Zara the same way that most married couples who wanted a child would.
"There is nothing to be ashamed of, if you and Maria adopted her instead of having her. There is more than one way to have a family" Amanda said.
"That's the thing is only Maria adopted her, I am Zara's biological father but I don't know who her mother is. Well I knew who she was pretending to be and she was a woman I fell in love with, but finding the real person behind her has been impossible" Nick said.
"I think I get why you didn't want to tell anyone. What I don't get is why you suddenly want to tell me and how you think your story with Zara has anything to do with the baby I gave up" Amanda said confused.
"The truth is that I learned that I was a father when Zara was about six months old. One day I had come home from work and a man was sitting on my front porch, claiming that he was from an adoption agency I have never heard. He had told me that my ex-girlfriend had gotten pregnant and decided that even though she didn't want the child, she wanted it to be with family. She had hired him to find the father and give him, or I guess in the way this plays out me, the child to raise. He said that the baby had just recently turned six months old. Seeing as how my ex had chosen to keep the baby until I was located and it took so long, because all they had was a picture. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, especially since I myself hadn't had a girlfriend in over two years at this point. I wanted to tell him that he had to have found the wrong person, but when he pulled out the picture to show me I knew there was no doubt that I was the baby's father. I recognized the picture instantly as I had other half of it in my wallet ever since I left her. He waved to a car that was parked in the driveway and a few minutes later a woman placed Zara in my arms along with an envelope containing all the documents I could need. She told me that her mother had written me a letter explaining the situation. After wishing me the best of luck he and his companion walked away. I had stood there with the baby frozen for nearly twenty minutes before I could comprehend what had happened. I sat down and read the letter over a dozen times trying to figure out what I was going to do; I was a single man who now had a child to take care of. I thought so hard about taking her to the local adoption agency and seeing if they could find a home for her, but the words her mother had written made me decide to keep her." Nick said spilling the whole story out as quickly as he could, knowing that if he stopped that he might not be able to finish. Amanda looked at him in shock and realized why he thought their stories fit together. Amanda took his hand trying to comfort both him and herself, as well as trying to keep the little bit of excitement from showing.
"I still don't know how you think this connects to me, how do you know I hadn't given up my baby the day she was born? I mean I quickly learned that he didn't care for me. I know he would have stayed or found me if I meant anything to him." Amanda said.
"What if he did try to find you, but as you said your relationship was built on lies so he had no information on who you were or where to find you so he gave up?" Nick asked. "What if he decided that his daughter was the important thing since she was all he had left of you? He was so desperate to give that little girl a family that he married the first woman he dated that didn't care he had a child with an unknown woman." Nick asked trying not to cry, feeling like in his gut the dark cloud of his past was finally going to break and he was finally going to have the answers he needed.
"Are you trying to tell me that you think I am Zara's biological mother and that you are the man who ran out on me?" Amanda asked confused and a little angry.
"That is exactly what I am trying to say, and if I am right, it wasn't my choice to leave you behind. I was never given the opportunity to explain as the UC I was working ended and I had to leave so I wouldn't get busted with the cartel I was attempting to take down." Nick said like it would explain everything.
"Honestly if you are telling me the truth, it would make sense, since the UC I was working also ended around that time." Amanda said admitting what she was doing around that time for the first time in her life. "That would also explain why I kept a box of things from that time in my life, even with the amnesia I was never able to get rid of it." Suddenly realizing why she had that box and why she could never open it.
"I have kept the letter all these years hoping that if I could ever find her or you if I am right, that maybe we could finally tell each other the truth and maybe see if our relationship was actually real or if we were just too good at faking. But also so I could explain to Zara one day that her biological mother truly loved her and that she did what she thought was best for her." Nick said. He quickly stood up motioning for Amanda to stay there while he walked away. After what seemed like an eternity to Amanda Nick walked back into the room holding onto a manila envelope. After sitting back down he opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper.
"A few months after I received this, I made some alterations to a copy of the letter. Hoping that if I ever found the woman who wrote it, she would be able to tell me most of what I had removed." Nick said as he handed Amanda the piece of paper that contained only half the letter. Amanda reached for it as Nick handed it to her, her breath caught in her throat as she recognized the hand writing she had spent years working on improving. Even though there were gaps in what was written Amanda knew the letter by heart, as it had taken her months to compose the perfect letter to send with her baby. Taking a deep breath Amanda slowly started reading out loud, ready to accept that Nick was right and that she had found the pieces to her life that for the longest time she didn't know were missing and once she remembered had accepted that she would most likely never find.
"My love; I know we didn't know each other very long, and we were together for less, but I need you to know how much I loved you. We met while I was pretending to be an addict, in a dark place in my life, and while you supplied my supposed addiction you also showed me that there is more to life than regrets and feeling unworthy. You showed me the light at the end of the darkest tunnel, which I fully believed would be my life. That although had nothing to do with the drugs, you showed me that someone could care for an emotional wreck like me. That I was worth something and that I needed to believe in myself. You gave me the strength to fight for me and for what I wanted even if it didn't start until after you left. About a month after you disappeared I learned that we had created a miracle together. Once I discovered what you had left me I knew I had to have the baby. I tried so hard to want to raise her but without you here all the dark thoughts that were my constant companions growing up kept creeping back into my head. I know I cannot raise this child alone so I have asked a dear friend of mine to try and locate you, using only the partial picture you left behind, because deep within my gut the name I believed was yours isn't truly who you are, as the name you know me by is not mine. I know that we will most likely never meet again, but I know in my heart that YOU will be able to raise OUR daughter in a house full of love that I could never do. In closed you will find her birth certificate with the date and time of her birth, as well as the middle name I picked out for her. I will leave you to name her, raise her, and love her for the both of us. If you are married I hope your wife will understand what happened between us, if you are not I hope you find a woman who will love you with everything she has, and will treat our daughter as her own. Please know that writing this letter and sending you our child is the HARDEST thing I have ever done, but she will be better off with you. Thank you for the memories I will never forget and a love so true (at least to me) that any man to come next will have impossible shoes to fill. Forever yours, Isabella." By the time Amanda had finished reading the letter she could no longer stop the tears from pouring and the emotions that flowed through her. "I can't believe that you kept this all this time. I would have given up hope if things had been reversed" Amanda said.
"There was a time when I wanted to throw it away and just tell Zara that Maria was her mother, but when I tried something in me told me that I couldn't do something like that and I needed to keep this" Nick said.
"Maybe we just keep this to ourselves for now, you are still in the process of getting divorced and as I have no legal right to Zara there is no reason to tell anyone the truth" Amanda suggested knowing that nothing could come of the discovery as long as they both worked SVU.
"I agree that while I work out my divorce we should keep quiet on the part of our story that includes Zara. It will also give me time to read up on NYPD rules and regulations to see if us being and working together is something that we can work out. I want you to be a part of our daughter's life but for now maybe we should just keep it as friends" Nick said.
"Nick I appreciate all that you are willing to do in this situation, and I understand that there are things you want to change about our situation, but I knew when I gave up my legal rights to our daughter and sent her to you that there was little possibility that I would ever find her again so being part of her life is not something that I am overly concerned about. As for us being together again I don't know if it would work. You may have given me some strength to fight for my personal life but I am not the type of person to do long term committed relationships. When I came here I never agreed to change anything between us, all I wanted was to learn the truth. I know that I am not cut out for being a parent, Zara is your daughter, I just gave birth to her and I think it needs to stay that way" Amanda said getting up quickly wanting to get out of here as quickly as possible.
"Please Amanda, give us a real chance. I fell in love with you despite not knowing that I didn't really know anything about you. I have loved you this whole time, despite the fact that I married Maria I never loved anyone the way I still love you. I think that is why my marriage started to fall apart after I met you. Dealing with Maria always being gone was easy because I knew her heart was always in serving in the Army and nothing would change that. I mostly married her because she knew that I needed someone who could help me give my daughter the family she deserved. To be honest with you, I don't think Maria and I ever truly we in love with each other. She loved the military and I loved being a cop more than we did each other." Nick pleaded as he followed Amanda out of his house and towards her car.
"I can't promise you that I we can ever be more than friends, but I will agree to think about it. There is so much that we both have to work out before we could even pretend that the three of us could be a family. So for a few months let's just leave tonight here. We can revisit the idea in the future, but for now nothing can change" Amanda said as she climbed into her car.
"As long as you promise to consider giving us a real chance, I will give you all the time you want. But please don't dismiss this because you're scared, I am too but I know we can make it work" Nick said. Amanda nodded as she shut her car door and drove away. As soon as she arrived back at her apartment Amanda opened the box and looked at everything that she had kept from that assignment and the time that followed up until her accident. Amanda could no longer control her emotions and started crying again. This time she cried herself to sleep holding the box close to her.
~~TIME JUMP~~THREE MONTHS LATER~~
Over the three months that followed Nick and Maria's divorce was finalized with Maria giving up her adoptive rights to Zara and Nick chose to let her still be in Zara's life, because even though he knew that he and Maria had never truly loved each other Maria had loved Zara as if she was her own. They had started the process of getting Zara to call Maria aunt instead of mom as painful as it was. Nick had spent countless hours on his days off combing through all the rules and regulations the NYPD had involving personal relationships between co-workers. He had learned that while it wasn't encouraged there was no rule specifically against co-workers having romantic relationships. Amanda had gone over everything she learned that night and even called the friend, who turned out to be a DEA agent that she reported to during that undercover assignment she had worked fresh out of the police academy. The one that she had gotten to bring her daughter to his father and got his side of the story and decided that maybe she did deserve to be happy and that she was worth more than what her upbringing had convinced her. After work one night exactly four months after that fateful night she found herself standing on Nick's porch trying to convince herself to knock on the door. After standing in front of the door for nearly half an hour Amanda finally pushed through her insecurities and knocked.
"Amanda what are you doing here?" Nick asked as he opened the door shocked to find her standing on his porch.
"Can we talk?" Amanda asked nervously. Nick nodded and opened the door wide enough for Amanda to walk inside. She walked over to the couch where they had had that discussion a few months ago. "I have decided that if you still want us to try a relationship again this time built on our real identities and honesty that I am willing to try. I can't promise to be any good at it as I am still trying to convince myself that I am worthy of being truly happy with someone" Amanda said looking up at Nick who was standing in between her and the door.
"All I have wanted since the day I left you was to find you and tell you the truth hoping that we could be together as ourselves" Nick said as he walked over to sit next to Amanda.
"We will need to take this slowly, because even though we have known each other longer now than we had before and have been more honest with each other, I don't want to risk screwing this up. We need to figure out how to piece together the parts of us that were real from before and how they fit into who we truly are and that will take time." Amanda said as she reached out and set her hand on Nick's leg.
"We will take this one day at a time. I just want to make it work." Nick said placing his hand on Amanda's.
~~TIME JUMP~~TEN MONTHS LATER~~
Amanda woke up with butterflies; she couldn't believe that she was marrying the love of her life today. Despite wanting to take her relationship with Nick slow it only took the two of them three months before they told their co-workers the truth and that they were in a relationship. Two months after that they sat down with Zara and explained the best they could to a five year old why Maria was no longer Zara's mom and that Amanda was Zara's real mother. Zara quickly took to Amanda and was happy to have a mother again. One month after they told Zara the truth Nick and Amanda realized that what they had was real and meant to last a life time. Amanda told Nick that she was ready to be a real family legally. They figured out how to reverse Amanda's choice to voluntarily terminate her legal rights to Zara and she willingly took on the responsibility of being a parent. Nick surprised Amanda by proposing the night they learned the judge had granted their petition. No surprise that Amanda said yes and they started planning the wedding. They both decided that they wanted to live in a house on the chance they decided to expand their family, but not wanting to live in the house that Nick had shared with Maria. They sold the house and found one still in the Bronx but a little closer to Manhattan not far from a wonderful school for Zara. Both Nick and Amanda had agreed that they didn't need a big or fancy wedding. They just wanted to be surrounded by people who loved and supported them. That is how they found themselves here five months later, with Amanda waking up in Olivia's guest bedroom.
"Good morning Amanda" Olivia said as she walked into the bedroom. "How do you feel?" She asked as she sat down on the bed.
"Good morning Liv, I feel like tonight can't come fast enough and that choosing to marrying Nick is the best choice I ever made" Amanda said unable to keep a smile off her face.
"I am glad to hear that, now I have breakfast ready in the kitchen. Alex and Casey should be here in about an hour to help you get ready" Olivia said before standing up and walking out of the room. Amanda threw the covers off of her and got out of bed following Olivia. The two women sat in silence as they ate the wonderful breakfast Olivia prepared. After they finished Amanda made her way to the bathroom to have a shower. Amanda stood under the spray of hot water a little longer than she normally would have. Lost in her head of how excited she was to finally become Amanda Amaro. Getting out of the shower Amanda wrapped her hair in a towel and wrapped herself in the bride robe Alex had gifted her a few months ago. Walking back out into the living room Amanda noticed that her whole bridal party had arrived.
"Hello Alex, Casey": Amanda said making her presence known to the group.
"Hello Amanda" Casey said.
"Are you excited for tonight?" Alex asked and Amanda nodded. The three set about doing Amanda's makeup and hair as well as their own while they joked about. Before Amanda knew how it happened time had passed quickly and Olivia walked out carefully carrying Amanda's dress.
"One last thing to do before we head out" Olivia said as the woman admired the simple yet stunning dress. Amanda quickly stepped into the dress as Alex who was standing the closest to her fastened the dress.
"Amanda you look absolutely beautiful, Nick won't be able to breathe when he sees you" Casey said.
"Let's hope he remembers how to breathe long enough to get married, I don't want him passing out on me" Amanda joked looking in the mirror un able to believe how beautiful she looked in the dress.
"Why don't you sit on the couch and wait while we get changed and then we will head out" Olivia said realizing that she and the ADAs needed to get ready. They quickly walked off Alex and Casey to the room Amanda had woken up in that morning and Olivia to hers so they could all get changed. Half an hour later the four women walked out of Olivia's apartment and climbed into the car. They made it to Nick and Amanda's house in record time without using the sirens. Once they arrived at the house Olivia headed for the back yard where the ceremony was going to take place, while Alex and Casey helped Amanda walk into the house and into one of the spare rooms where she would wait until the ceremony started. Once Amanda was safely in the room the two female ADAs made their way to the back yard as well.
"Wow it looks beautiful back here" Alex said looking around the yard.
"I would hope so. I put a lot of effort into making this perfect for Amanda" Nick said walking towards the women from closer to the alter.
"You could have set eight folding chairs in the driveway in a semi-circle around a balloon and it would have been perfect for Amanda. You know she doesn't care about all this, all she wants is to marry you" Fin said walking over to Nick.
"I know, but Amanda deserves something more than the bare basics" Nick said.
"Heck you could have not done anything, and as long as you were at the alter waiting for her, Amanda would be happy" Munch said from over hearing the conversation as he and Cragen walked into the back yard. Just then an alarm went off on Nick's phone.
"My mom and Zara should be here in less than five minutes, and then we can get started" Nick said before he took off and headed into the house. He quickly made his way to his and Amanda's room to finish getting ready for one of the best days of his life. Before long Nick heard the bedroom door open as Cesaria walked in.
"¿Estás listo para esto, hijo?" ("Are you ready for this, son?") Cesaria asked looking at the son.
"Nunca he estado más preparado para nada en mi vida, mamá" ("I have never been more ready for anything in my life, mom") Nick said as he finished tying his tie.
"Entonces vamos a casarte, otra vez" ("Then let's go get you married, again") Cesaria said reaching out to take Nick's hand and lead him back out to the back yard. On the way out they passed by Fin who was on his way to the spare room where Amanda was waiting. They made it to the back porch where Zara was standing with her basket of flowers.
"Daddy happy?" Zara asked walking over to her father and giving him a hug
"Daddy is very happy" Nick said picking up Zara and kissing both her cheeks. He quickly set her down and made his way down the make shift isle.
"Más vale que sea la última vez que te casas, no te apoyaré si te casas con una tercera mujer" ("This better be the last time you get married, I will not support you if you marry a third woman") Cesaria said when they stopped in front of the alter.
"Si Amanda y yo alguna vez nos separamos o divorciamos, es más probable que estés planeando mi funeral que otra boda. Nunca sobreviviría si perdiera a Amanda otra vez" ("If Amanda and I ever separated or divorced, you would more likely be planning my funeral than another wedding. I would never survive loosing Amanda Again") Nick said as he turned around and saw all the people who mattered to him and Amanda took their places in the chairs on either side of the isle. Cesaria left her sons side and took her seat in the front chair next to the isle on Nick's side. Nick took a deep breath as he looked back at the house as he heard a knock on the door. Zara smiled and walked down the stairs and down the aisle throwing flower peddles with every step she took. A few minutes later Nick watched as the door opened and Fin walk out with Amanda next to him. He almost forgot how to breathe looking at Amanda as she looked absolutely beautiful in her wedding dress. After the two descended the stairs Amanda looked up and locked eyes with Nick, both of them had the biggest smiles on their faces. In no time at all Amanda and Fin had made it to the end of the aisle and Fin handed Amanda over to Nick before taking his seat next to Olivia. Nick and Amanda turned to face the pastor form the local church they had gotten to agree to perform the wedding. The pastor had quickly started with the speech he had prepared, soon after it was time for the bride and groom to say their vows. They had agreed on both personal and traditional, by the time the two had finished their personal vows everyone in attendance was crying as they listened to two people so in love promise to stand by each other for the rest of their lives. As the preacher started on the traditional vows he took the time to grab the rings from his pocket and hand on to each of them. Finally he announced the two as husband and wife and they kissed. Hand in hand the two walked down the aisle toward their house. Once they reached the end of the aisle everyone stood up and helped re arrange the back yard. Pulling tables from against the fence and setting them up, and also setting up a make shift dance floor. They had a wonderful dinner and partied on until the moon was high in the sky. Knowing that the rest of the team that was still employed with the NYPD needed to be to work in the morning Nick and Amanda chose to wrap up the party at a little after ten.
"Thank you all for celebrating our marriage with us this evening, but since we know a lot of you have to work in the morning we are going to call it a night now" Nick said as everyone had finished cleaning up the yard.
"You all mean the world to us and we could not have imagined doing this without all of you here to witness it." Amanda said with the biggest smile on her face.
"It is going to be weird not having either of you at work for the next week, but you two go enjoy your honeymoon and we will see you in eleven days" Olivia said as she hugged her friends.
"I am already not looking forward to my temporary partner, are you sure you wanna leave?" Fin asked hugging Amanda.
"I don't know Fin. That is a hard choice. Going to work with you or spending a week alone with my husband? " Amanda said joking with Fin.
"Fin, we will be back before you know it. Just be nice to the temps" Nick said shaking Fin's hand. The bride and groom took turns hugging all their friends before watching them walk out of the back yard and headed to their respective cars. Nick and Amanda smiled as they walked back into their house and headed for their bedroom ready to call it a night. The two got ready for bed wanting to get as much sleep as they could before leaving for their honeymoon the next afternoon.
"Good night Nick Amaro. I love you" Amanda said as she climbed into bed and rested her head on Nick's chest.
"Good night Amanda Amaro, I love you too" Nick said wrapping his arm around Amanda holding her light to him for the first night of the rest of their lives.