(The Lance to the Heart)
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He felt lethargic almost apathetic. A brother he never wanted, but had accepted in to his life was dead and his ashes were thrown in the wind. He had his job back, but he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to trust the FBI completely again. His multitude of bruises still hurt and he still wasn't sleeping well.
Booth wanted his wife and child to think he was the same old Seeley Booth, but he knew that was wishful thinking. Sometimes he felt like Booth had died in the old house and he was just a mere shadow of the man he was. Three months in prison for a crime you don't commit has a way of destroying your trust in the world. Add to that the fact that the only reason he was out of prison was because his wife had blackmailed the prosecuting attorney risking her freedom as well. Life had always been hard and it just seemed to be getting harder. No one was giving him a break, well almost no one.
Brennan was worried about Booth's state of mind. He slept poorly and he only seemed to trust her and some of their friends at the Lab. Before he was betrayed, he'd been fairly happy and though his trust was limited, he did trust the people he worked for. She knew that Booth was the kind of man who had to believe in things bigger than himself. He was dedicated to his country a patriot and had done some terrible things in the past because he had been asked to do it. Now he questioned his past as well as his future and that was the most worrisome thing of all.
Observing her husband, Brennan couldn't help but compare the old Booth with the present Booth. In the past the hockey game he was watching would have required a lot of unhealthy snacks and many bottles of beer while he screamed at the television and constantly stood up shaking his fists at the screen.
Now he sat quite still on the couch, one bottle of beer on the coffee table and little emotional response as the Flyers clearly struggled to stay in the game. It made her want to cry.
Desperate to crack through her husband's apathy, Brennan moved into the living room, walked behind the couch and over to the shelves next to the jukebox. Removing her MP3 player from the shelf, she walked over the couch and sat down next to Booth. The earphones in her ear, she found the song she was looking forward and started it.
"Booth our song." Brennan placed one of the earbuds in his ear and grinned. "Hot Blooded, our song . . ."
Puzzled, Booth turned to look at Brennan. "Yeah." He listened for a few seconds and gave her a sad smile. "My mixed tape, you still have it."
"Of course I still have it." Brennan stood up, grabbed Booth's hands and tried to pull him to his feet.
Her singing voice still as beautiful as the first time Booth had heard her sing, she started to sing their song. Almost reluctantly, he stood up and watched her as she swayed to the music, singing loudly and with a lot enthusiasm. Slowly his smile grew brighter and he walked her away from the couch until they were in a clear space. Eagerly Brennan followed him still singing. Once there was leg room, she swung her legs and hopped around.
Amused, Booth released one of her hands and started moving a little as well. Finally caught up in her fun, he helped her finish singing their song. Not as loudly or as enthusiastically as normal, but with a smile and love in his heart.
Her heart beating faster, Brennan stopped jumping about, threw her arms around her husband and cried. "Oh Booth. I love you so much."
Tears suddenly forming in his eyes, Booth held her tightly against his chest and kissed the side of her face. "It's okay, Bones. It's okay."
Her tears freely flowing, Brennan clung to her husband and let him rub her back, kiss her and be the man she needed. After a while, she calmed down, her tears stopped and her body started to sway to the new song they were both listening to on her mixed tape. She had always thought it was nice that Booth had included "Kiss from a Rose' by Seal. The song was slow and they danced to it barely moving, just swaying side to side enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed together, comforted by that touch feeling the heat they both craved.
"I'm sorry." Booth knew that Brennan was unhappy. She was afraid for him and he needed to try harder to make her happy. He'd always been able to set aside his problems and be the partner and lover she needed, but at that moment, crushed by a system he had thought he could trust, he found it hard to let that betrayal go. He knew he had to try though. For Brennan, for Christine and for himself. "I love you."
Their bodies still swaying, Brennan leaned back enough so she could look into his soft brown eyes. "It's over Booth. We're safe, you're safe. Homeland Security has swept through the FBI and removed all of the turned agents. Those that Durant turned are going to be prosecuted and they can't stop it. Your honor has been restored. You have someone at the FBI you can trust with your back. Aubrey is on your side. Sweets trusted him and so do I. You can relax Booth. You can be you again."
Sadly, Booth shook his head. "The old me . . . I'll try Bones. I will. For you I'll try."
"That's all I can ask for Booth." The song ending, a new song began to play. 'Give Me All Your Lovin' by ZZ Top blasted away, Brennan threw her head back and laughed. Excited, she started to bop around again. "I love my mix tape, Booth. You're the only one who ever gave me one."
His body now bopping beside her, Booth smiled. "Give me all your lovin Bones. Just give me all your lovin."
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