AU in which Thor and Loki are both thrown to Midgard, end up at Tony's place. Loki and Tony start a thing.
"I want a beach wedding." Thor heard as he walked into the kitchen very confused as Loki was the one who spoke to what it looked like Tony as they sat on one of the couches. Well, Tony sat, Loki was lying down with his head on Tony's lap.
"Nah, sand will get everywhere," Tony said dismissively was flicking through holographic images.
"But then we don't have to wear shoes."
"If not wearing shoes matters that much to you I can make it happen pretty much anywhere, I'm a billionaire." Tony still didn't look from the holographic images that he was flicking around, "Besides beaches are hot."
"Not in the spring."
"But the water is freezing in the spring," Tony countered still not looking at Loki.
"We could go to the east coast?" Loki suggested and Thor moved enough to notice that Loki's eyes were closed. Thor frowned, he knew very little about normal relationships partially on Midgard but he was sure these kinds of conversations were usually more serious.
"Stark's towers there."
"New York City has the Hudson River," Loki wrinkled his nose and spoke with far too much disgust for someone who had maybe been to New York once and he doubted they had stopped by the Hudson River.
"It also has Coney Island. Happy loves Coney Island, which is great since he'll be my best man. I buy out the stands and they can cater the wedding."
"Hmm," Loki made a non-committal noise before continuing, "I was thinking something more tropical like Hawaii or Costa Rico."
"I do love a good destination wedding, especially if there's an open bar. We need to have an open bar with a lot of variety. Less people will come though." Tony added distractedly, Loki scoffed,
"I don't really care if anyone comes."
"Me neither, as long as Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey are there, we can do it on the moon for all I care." Loki's eyes opened at that looking somewhat incredulous.
"You Tony Strak playboy, billionaire, philanthropist are okay without all the pomp and circumstance?"
"You prima donna prince Loki are okay with a small wedding?" Tony shot back with a smirk. That either of them would be okay with a small wedding given their status was somewhat surprising to Thor. In fact, if Thor ever got married had had always assumed he would be in front of the whole of Asgard, for all eyes to see and celebrate. He was unsure if they would celebrate Jane though if they ever got to that point, so he could see why Loki hadn't suggested Asgard, despite its glorious beaches, though he was aware that that wasn't the only reason. Loki shrugged, not responding visibility to the shot.
"The moon has promise."
"It has no atmosphere," Tony mentioned, despite him bringing it up in the first place. Loki lifted his right hand just long enough to wiggle his finger before dropping it again. Tony didn't look away from his hologram but he either saw it out of the corner of his eye or just knew what Loki would say about it.
"I don't really want to spend the whole time wondering if I'm suddenly going to stop breathing," Tony responded before writing equations into the hologram.
"You think I would let you die?" Thor looked between the two warily, neither was looking at the other. Loki since learning of his heritage was really testy about certain things.
"If I pissed you off maybe," Tony shot back. It was quite unfair that Loki smiled at Tony's response because he was sure if Thor had used the exact same words Loki would have cursed him.
"Do you think that Fury would want to come?"Loki asked innocently and Tony barked out a laugh. Fury found them both to be "an enormous pain in his ass" especially since the two of them started dating.
"He did introduce us, maybe he can be the minister." Loki smirked at Tony's remark.
"And what will I be?" Thor asked once there was a long enough pause in the conversation. He tried to sound casual, even though this being the first time he had heard of their impending nuptials confused and saddened him. Tony looked up just long enough to see him then his eyes went back to his equation. Loki opened his eyes and looked him straight in the eyes as he responded.
"The ring bearer," Loki said like it was the obvious job. Thor and Loki had been on Midgard-Earth for more than a year now, a ring bearer was often a child. Tony looked around the numbers to look between the two brothers.
"I suggested that instead of ring bearer, he should be your best man because not only is he your brother he's the only guy on earth you know." A bit of an exaggeration but Loki hadn't endeared himself to many people on earth except for Tony and sometimes Jane as well. Loki maintained eye contact.
"I would rather have a blond chimpanzee be my best man." That one hurt more than he was expecting, if Loki was getting married he should be his best man, despite their present issues. Tony looked between the two of them a few times before saying.
"We aren't getting married.," Tony clarified to the confused Asgardian who wasn't less confused. Why were they talking about their wedding if they were not getting married? Loki glared at Tony and Thor was now pretty sure that he had heard him come in and knew he was there the whole time. Over 1000 years of training, didn't go away after 1 year of exile, after all. Loki had always been good at the being aware of your surroundings part, Thor less so.
"Not with an attitude like that," Loki spoke scathingly. Tony didn't bat an eye, they really were strangely good for each other. They could easily handle the other's sarcasm and snark, most of the time. After a beat, Tony continued picking up right where they left off like Thor wasn't there again.
"What about Bermuda?"
"I'd like to see the triangle." Loki surprisingly also allowed them to pick up where they had left off.
"Yeah, the last thing the world needs is you getting close to the Bermuda triangle." If they were not getting married, then it seemed like nothing was real and he didn't see much point in the conversation. So he went through the room to the kitchen to grab the slice of cake he had come there to grab in the first place. On the way out he heard.
"We rope the bilgelsnipe together and put the carrier on top."
"I don't think that Fury would appreciate a herd of bilgelsnipe in the grand canyon."
"Can't make many more holes than it already has." Thor found himself hoping for the sake of Midgard that Loki and Tony never actually decided to get married. He wasn't sure the world could take the chaos their union would bring.
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