Word Count: 3330
Chapter 3: Anxiety Doesn't Just Get the Best of Me.
"Daddy!" A high pitched voice yelled. I was woken up with a start as someone jumped on my chest. I groaned and swatted Morgan off of me. "Daddy! Daddy! Get up!" She yelled enthusiastically. For a 5 year old, Morgan had a lot of energy in the morning. I laughed groggily as she jumped on me again. "Mommy told me to wake you up," she told me. "It's almost lunch time,"
"What!?" I screamed, sitting up extremely quickly, knocking Morgan off of me. "Sorry Morgan," I apologized.
"It's fine Daddy!" She giggled.
I can't believe I slept in until lunch! I thought vigorously. Oh my god! I had a business meeting this morning! I jumped out of bed and ran straight to the kitchen. I saw Pepper cooking scrambled eggs.
"Oh my god I missed my meeting!" I screamed.
"Oh. Good morning honey," Pepper said.
"My meeting-" I started.
"Tony," she interrupted. "I took care of it," Pepper told me.
"Phew," I breathed a sigh of relief. She turned towards me and she looked upset. "What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.
"I can't believe your worried about a stupid business meeting," she sighed. I cocked an eyebrow. I didn't know what she meant. She then looked angry. "After everything that happened, you're worried about a business meeting," Pepper spat. I looked down at the ground. Her face returned to an upset expression. "Tony, you need to mourn," Pepper paused.
"How?" I sighed, tears starting to pool in my eyes.
"Why don't you go into Peter's room and look through his stuff," Pepper suggested.
No. I thought. I'm not ready for that. I just found out he died yesterday.
"No," I said blankly.
"Why not?" She asked worriedly.
"Because I don't want to," I said, stubbornly. I covered my hurt with my normal tone of sass. I didn't want Pepper to know that I wasn't doing well.
"Tony," she said, walking towards me. She put her hand on my shoulder. "It will help honey. It will help," she sighed.
"Fine," I replied. I waved goodbye to Pepper because I knew that I wouldn't be seeing her in a while. I took the elevator down to Peter's private quarters. I kind of brought it upon myself that this kid that wasn't the richest of people had everything he could ever want.
I walked down the hall to Peter's room. I saw the door with a quirky science pun poster. It read "my science puns barely get a reaction," I let out a watery laugh. I put my hand on the door knob and hesitated. After what seemed like forever I opened the door.
It looked the same as it did before he left. His Star Wars bedding was folded nicely and he had Star Wars and Star Trek posters all over the room. There were toy lightsabers that me and Peter had played with in the living room a lot, in the corner. There was Lego all over the floor and lots of complete sets on a bookshelf with his books. I felt the tears start to fall down my face when I saw the giant Millennium Falcon Lego model we had built together in the corner. I had also given him his own mini lab. I walked over to the lab and saw there was a crumpled piece of paper. I picked it up and uncrumpled it.
Dear Tony,
Happy Father's Day! I know this might be really weird since you're not actually my Dad but I felt like I needed to tell you this.
Over the past couple months me and you have really bonded. I feel like I have learned so much from you. You really have changed my life. I cherish and honour you just as much as if you were my Dad. You have been such an essential role model. Thank you Tony, for being the Dad that I never had. I love you for everything you are and for everything you have been to me. I love you Dad.
Love, your Spider-Baby, Peter.
My shoulders shook from how hard I was crying, and all of a sudden it was getting harder and harder for me to breathe. My chest tightened, and I was gasping for air.
"Sir?" I heard an electronic voice echo through the room.
F.R.I.D.A.Y? I thought.
"Are you okay sir?" The AI asked.
"I-I-I can't b-breathe," I whimpered. I closed my eyes in pain. What a big mistake.
I looked around to see the same battlefield we fought Thanos on. I then saw Peter laying against a rock coughing up blood.
"PETER!" I yelled, running to him. "Hey, hey, buddy," I cried. Instantly his face went calm and his eyes dull. The surroundings around me changed and I saw a grave labeled "Peter Benjamin Parker. Hero, Friend, Son," I held back a sob. Then a voice that sounded oddly like my own pierced my ears.
"Maybe if you weren't so weak Peter would still be alive," I put my hands over my ears and rocked myself whispering "stop" under my breath. I screamed when I heard Peter's voice echo through my ears.
"You messed up when you took the suit away from me and a freaking building fell on top of me! And now you've messed up again," he screamed at me.
"You are the-" he continued. But he was interrupted by someone yelling my name.
"Tony!" A female voice yelled. "Tony, honey, remember what we talked about! None of it is real," she stated. I felt someone grab my arm, and put it against their heart beat. My eyes flew open and I saw I was laying in Peter's bedroom with Pepper trying to help me.
"I-I-I can't breathe," I stated, tears were running down my face and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
"Sh, honey, just follow my breathing," she exaggerated her breathing and I copied her to the best of my ability. Me and Pepper had done this plenty of times. I had lots of panic attacks, but this was a bad one. The normal exercises that usually worked weren't working. I still couldn't breathe. "Tony, breathe," Pepper pleaded through sobs.
"I-I-I c-can't," I managed to squeak out.
"You can honey," she sobbed. It was getting harder and harder for me to breathe and I felt like I was going to pass out any second. I let out a scream of pure terror. I let out a scream of pure terror. I let out a scream of pure terror. All of a sudden there was another person in the room.
"Tony," the person sighed.
Is that Wanda? I questioned in my head.
"Don't fall asleep!" She demanded.
"I'm so-sorry," I stuttered, my eyes fluttering open and close. I heard a sob escape her and then my eyes were flashed with red light.
Under Wanda's Trance.
"Mister Stark!" I heard a voice squeal.
"Pete?" I asked, looking around. I looked up to see him on the ceiling.
"Look what I can do, Mister Stark!" He said enthusiastically. He got on his knees on the roof and jumped up and did a backflip. My first instinct was to put my hands out to catch him but he landed back on the roof standing upside down. He threw his hands up and laughed. "Wasn't that cool!"
"Yeah it was kiddo," I let out a watery laugh.
"What's wrong?" Peter asked worriedly, jumping down to the floor. My first instinct was to hug him. I started crying again. "Mister Stark, what's wrong?" He asked very worriedly.
"Thanks for the card Peter," I sobbed. "I love you,"
"I-I-I," Peter stuttered. "I love you too,"
The Trance Is Broken.I felt my breathing go back to normal, and I heard Pepper let out a sigh of relief. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," I apologized.
"For what?" Pepper asked, giving me a forced smile. I could tell she was still very freaked out.
"For scaring you," I mumbled.
"It's fine honey, I just get a little concerned sometimes," she sighed.
"It just makes me feel weak," I explained, sadly.
"Well the best way to get over that is to talk about it," Wanda stated. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. I really didn't want to talk about it but I decided I should.
"It hurts so bad," I gasped. "And, and, I can't breathe," I choked out. "Did you know Peter used to have panic attacks too," I said quickly, changing the subject. Pepper and Wanda shook their heads. "Those weren't just tough days for him," I let out a watery laugh.
One of Peter's Panic Attacks.
"Sir," an electronic voice echoed through the living room, where I was watching a movie with Pepper, Nat, and Steve.
"Yes, F.R.I.D.A.Y?" I asked the AI.
"Incoming call from Spider-Baby," I heard Steve laugh, and I quickly sighed with embarrassment.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up Capsicle," I joked, rolling my eyes. I grabbed my phone and walked into the hallway so then I wasn't interrupting the movie. I answered the phone.
"Uhh hey Mister Stark," Peter said through the phone.
"Hey. What's up kiddo?" I asked.
"Umm so," he stuttered.
"Spit it out Pete. Don't worry, talking lessons will resume when you get back," I laughed.
"Umm Aunt May is working a late shift today and usually that would be fine because I would take the bus! But I lost my bus pass, and now I have no way to get to HQ today! So I was wondering if you could pick me up!" He blurted out so quickly I almost didn't catch it.
"Nuh uh, no kid of mine is taking the smelly bus home," I stated. "Next time tell me if Aunt May can't pick you up, because I'd rather pick you up from the moon then you take that stupid old bus," I told him. "And yes of course I'll pick you up," I smiled.
"Thank you so much Mister Stark!" He replied, very thankfully.
Did he think that I wouldn't come and pick him up? I thought worriedly.
"Hey Pete?" I asked. "Did you think that I wouldn't come and pick you up?" I asked worriedly.
"Uhh well you're so busy, and I just thought that maybe you would be busy working," he stuttered.
"Peter, I will always be there whenever you need me. You will always come before work. Okay kid?" I told him.
"Okay!" Peter said enthusiastically.
"See you in 10," I stated.
"Okay bye!" Peter exclaimed.
"Bye!" I smiled, I then hung up the phone.
"Happy, drive me to Peter's school!" I yelled.
"Yes sir," he yelled back. We went into the parking garage, and got in the car. We drove for about 5 minutes until we reached the front of the school. I looked over and saw Peter and his friends chatting by the stairs. I laughed knowing this was a good time to embarrass him. I quickly opened the door and walked up to them. Lots of students were looking at me with their mouths wide open. I quickly shot them my trademark smile, and most of the teenage girls fainted.
"Hey Pete," I said happily.
"Oh hi!" He said enthusiastically, turning to face me. Ned, Peter's best friend, was sitting on the stairs with his mouth wide open, trying to spit out words that weren't forming. The girl on his left who I knew as MJ, who was Peter's crush, had a calm face but she cocked an eyebrow, as if wondering what I was doing talking to Peter.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked, using my finger to pinch his cheek. He used his hand to swat me off, and his cheeks flushed red in embarrassment.
My plan is working. I thought, smiling to myself. It's my job as Peter's father figure to embarrass him as much as possible. I slowly lifted my hand and ruffled it threw his curly brown hair.
"Mister Stark!" He spat, chewing the inside of his lip. I then put my elbow on his head.
"Let's go kiddo, we are going to be late for dinner. Pepper is going to kill me," I joked. I finally got a reaction out of MJ, when the word "kiddo" came out of my mouth. Her mouth went open for a couple of seconds but she closed it when she saw me looking at her. "Oh isn't this the MJ you talk about all the time?" I laughed. Peter's entire face went red.
"Time to go now Mister Stark!" he yelled, pushing me towards the car. "He doesn't know what he's talking about," he laughed, embarrassedly. "Right Mister Stark," he said angrily, through gritted teeth.
"Yeah sure kiddo," I laughed, letting him push me to the car. He pushed me into the back seat and then he slumped down next to me. He looked out the window as we drove away. "Hey Pete, come on, look at me buddy," he let out a low sigh but didn't turn to face me. "I made some improvements to your suit," I told him. He snapped his head to look at me, and I could tell he was angry.
"That was so embarrassing Mister Stark!" He replied angrily.
"Come on, get over it Pete," I joked. "You wanna see the improvements to your suit,"
"Fine," he huffed. We sat in the car for about 10 minutes, until we reached the Avengers Tower. "Thank you, Happy!" Peter said, enthusiastically. I was glad to see that he was back to normal.
"Okay kid. Let's go see your new suit!" Peter ran into the building as fast as he could and I had to jog or else he was going to leave me in the dust. When we got to the lab I pulled out the new suit, and he looked at it in awe.
"Woah!" he gaped.
"Do you like it?" I asked, hopefully.
"Like it?! I love it!" He replied. I silently celebrated, as the kid inspected all of the new things I had put in the suit. "Thank you so-" Peter started but was interrupted by someone banging on the door.
"Hey Tony!" Natasha yelled.
"Yeah?" I replied.
"Do you want to come watch another movie?" She asked. "Everyone is really bored," Natasha stated.
"Yes I'll come watch a movie," I shrugged. Peter looked over at me with excitement. "Hey Nat?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Can Peter come too?"
"Of course!" Natasha answered enthusiastically. Peter's eyes lit up and he slowly slid his new suit onto his desk. I opened the door and Peter followed me out. When we walked into the living room the movie was already set up. Steve, Nat, and Bruce were all sitting on the couch. Wanda and Vision were cuddling on the love seat. Also Clint, Bucky, and Rhodey were all sitting on the floor with popcorn set in between them. I took an empty seat on the couch and Peter sat down next to me. We started the movie and Peter put his head on my chest because I could tell he was tired. He shut his eyes almost half way through the movie. I smiled at him, he was so cute sometimes. He slept until the thunder started.
"Crack!" Thunder echoed through the compound. Peter's eyes flew open and he shot up to his feet. He looked around for the potential danger but found nothing. He then slowly sank back onto the couch with me, his heart beating a million times a second. "Crack!" The thunder sounded again, and this time Peter let out a whimper. The thunder continued and Peter started breathing short gasps.
"Hey Pete?" I asked, worriedly. "Are you okay?"
"I-I-I can't breathe," he gasped. He slowly slid down to the ground, and put his hands on his neck.
"Turn off the movie," I demanded. Steve turned off the movie and everyone looked at Peter worriedly. Thunder sounded again and he whimpered even louder. He was now hyperventilating, and I knew for sure that he was having a panic attack. Seeing the kid like this was breaking my heart. "Okay kid, can you hear me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm, but it wasn't really working. I got no response. I grabbed his hand and pulled it to my heart. I knew this helped me when I had a panic attack, so I was doing the same for him. "You can breathe Peter," I told him, as though it was a fact.
"I-I can't," he whispered. "I can't breathe," he managed to squeak out. He started digging his nails into his neck and blood started running down his body. I grabbed his other hand and held it tightly against my chest. He continued to hyperventilate, but it was getting even worse.
"Peter, follow my breathing," I demanded softly. I egzagerated my breathing, and Peter copied to the best of his ability. It still wasn't working. "Okay, name 5 things you can see," I said, worriedly. I couldn't keep the worry out of my voice anymore.
"Y-you," he stuttered. "N-Nat," he coughed. "Steve, Bucky, and Rhoedy," he managed to say. Peter's breathing was getting better.
"Okay now name 4 things you can touch,"
"Your hands, the carpet, the couch," he focused on trying to come up with another thing. "Y-your sleeve," he mumbled.
"Good job kiddo, okay now name 3 things you can hear,"
"Y-your voice, the fridge, t-the thunder," Peter shivered. Thunder sounded and his breathing picked up again.
"Okay," I replied, worriedly. "Name 2 things you can smell,"
"P-popcorn, and your cologne," he said, his breathing slowly down a bit more.
"This one is going to be hard Pete, but name 1 thing you can taste,"
"The soda I drank earlier," he responded. His breathing was almost normal now, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Thunder rang through the compound again. Peter whimpered and buried his head in my chest. He then looked around embarrassedly. He sat back and put his head in his hands.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about kiddo," I told him, as though it was a fact.
"That was so embarrassing," he muttered.
"Seriously Peter, don't worry about it," I smiled. He looked up at me and his eyes filled with tears.
"You guys are so strong and I'm so weak,"
"No, no, no, you are not weak. Panic attacks happen to a lot of people," I told him.
"Like who?" He asked, and I saw a tear fall down his cheek.
I hesitantly told him something I never wanted him to hear. "Like me," he looked up at me with sympathy.
"Tony Stark? Has panic attacks?" He asked, totally not believing what I had just said.
"Yeah I do kiddo," I replied, letting out a watery laugh. "I'm sorry kid that you have to go through all of this,"
Why wouldn't Peter tell me that he had panic attacks before? I thought sadly.
"So that's what that was?" Wanda asked sadly.
"Yeah," I replied. "The poor kid. He was dealing with so much," I sighed, finally letting hot tears fall down my face.
"Wanda, your presence is needed in the living room," F.R.I.D.A.Y said, interrupting me. Wanda gave me a sad smile and walked out of the room.
"Are you sure you're okay honey?" Pepper asked sadly.
"Yes I-" I cut myself off. "To be honest. No," I cried. She put her arms around me and cradled me while I cried into her chest.
"It's going to be okay," Pepper sighed. All I knew was that she was lying because it was never going to be okay.