Lidio: Well, well, well… look who finally decided to come back.

Master Porky Minch: Yeah, yeah, I'm back. And I'm finally here-

Lidia: Oh, so you're finally continuing on with this, huh?

Master Porky Minch: Yes. I was really busy with all the stuff I-

Octavia: Oh, and when did you start caring for your school work more than this?

Master Porky Minch: Well, when it comes to it, Fanfiction really isn't going to help me in my career path-

Lidio: Honestly, who do you think you are, making us wait for so long?

Master Porky Minch: Well, for starters, I'm the one who allows all three of you to talk-

Octavia: You should be ashamed of yourself, Porky.

Master Porky Minch: Well I got this here now, so there's no point in complaining-

Lidia: I would kill you right now if we didn't still need you.

Master Porky Minch: … *starts walking out*

Octavia: Wait! You didn't update the story yet!

Master Porky Minch: *walks back* That's what I thought. Now shut up so I can concentrate.

Lidia: Hmph… fat, psycho bastard.

Master Porky Minch: *turns head* 'Scuse me?

Lidia: Nothing.

Master Porky Minch: Good… *turns back* Now… where was I?

Mythical Conflicts

?'s POV

Let me just start by saying that if you're like me, having a minotaur, a cyclops, and a gorgon with you as friends at the same time, you're gonna have almost no problems in the world.

I'm not going to bother telling you the whole morning routine or how the day went before we went into the mortal world for some fun. Pretty much the whole day consisted of all four of us arguing over where exactly we wanted to go. I guess I can tell you a little bit about that, though.

I insisted that the four of us go to Columbus, Ohio, since that was home to my favorite college football team. Now don't get me wrong, a lot of times, I could care a lot less about sports, but when it came to football, it seemed like something the mortals actually got right. It would be a nice place to be away from this hole in the ground for a bit.

"Absolute rubbish." Horny said as he took the map and pointed at Dallas, Texas. "Dallas is where we have to go. They have these things called rodeos, and I gotta see one for myself."

"Horny, a rodeo is where they ride bulls." Jaws said, shaking his head and taking the map for himself. "Those Texans would be riding you faster than you could say, 'Lone Star State'."

"Oh, like you have a better idea?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do." the cyclops said as he took the map. "We're not going to visit any of the places you two mentioned, but instead, we're going to go… right here. Berlin, Germany."

"Germany?" I questioned as I looked at him. "Jaws, Germany is a whole different country altogether. Can't you pick something a little closer to home?"

"It's gotta be Berlin." Jaws said. "They probably have tons of museums about the old German technology, and since my people were known for making weapons for the gods, I must know what those Germans could do."

"Oh, please." Shades said as she shook her head. "Neither of those are a good idea. We're not going to either of those."

"Alright, then what do you suggest?" Horny questioned. "Go ahead, give us your opinion on where we should go."

"But please let it be somewhat close to where we are." Remington said. "I don't want to go too far away."

"Well then, you're going to have to deal with it." Shades said, taking the map and crossing her arms. "Because where we're going to go is right here, Paris, France."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Jaws said. "We're not going to Paris. We're going to Berlin."

"Oh, you wish." Shades said. "I need to get a date at some point of my life, and if the city of love is the best place to find it-"

"You can just as easily get a date in Columbus." I shot back. "Besides, in Columbus, you don't have to worry about all those mimes and eating all those croissants-"

"Don't you talk about any crap like that, you racist, purple headed bastard!" Horny yelled. "Can't you be considerate for once in your life?!"

"This coming from the idiot who wants to let Texans ride on him like there's no tomorrow." Jaws shot back.

"Oh, you want a piece of me, you one eyed freak?!"

"I think you boys are gonna learn a lesson now!" Shades said. "I'm gonna turn you all into stone!"

Ok, this was getting really out of hand, I know, but this kind of thing always happens. I once actually got in fight with Jaws over who would have the last piece of chicken at supper one day. Needless to say, I lost.

Anyway, after a lot of bickering and arguing, we somehow decided to go to Chicago, Illinois. I'm not exactly sure how that came to be, after we had mentioned completely different places, it just kind of happened.

As we left the place, we began to bicker about how exactly we would get there. I suggested that we just let me teleport us there, since I knew it would be the easiest and, by far, the most efficient way to get to Chicago. The other three, on the other hand, disagreed, and instead wanted to have a trip where they could take some time to enjoy it.

"We don't go on trips for the freaking car ride, we go on them for the destination." I said. "We're going to teleport there, and we're going to do whatever we do quickly."

"Haven't you heard the saying about how 'the journey is the destination' by Shakespeare?" Horny shot back at me.

"Shakespeare wasn't the one who said that, you cow-headed idiot."

"Oh, now here we go right the racism again." Shades said with a roll of her eyes under the shades. "Honestly, what the Hell is wrong with you, always discriminating against us just because you're an immortal god?"

"I'm not discriminating against anyone." I said. I was really getting tired about them pulling that racist crap against me. "I'm simply stating that Shakespeare was nowhere near close to being the person who made that quote-"

"Well you didn't have to throw in that cow headed idiot part in there." Jaws said, crossing his arms. "You've completely thrown that insult in there for absolutely no reason."

"Alright, alright! Fine. If you guys are going to bitch about this whole damn thing like it's some political debate, then we won't go to our destination via teleportation." I said. "Jeez, you guys always do this. Every time I try to do something nice for you guys, you have to start conflict with me at the very smallest things, and ruin the entire thing for me."

"It's not our fault you're such a crappy planner." Shades said.

God, if I wasn't such good friends, I would have smacked them around like a redheaded stepchild. I really don't know why I put up with them sometimes, you know that? I could just as easily be gone with them and get on with my life.

"Alright then… how should we get there then, if you guys want it to take so long?"

"Well, it's obvious that if we want to get to another city in a different state, we have to go by plane." Shades said. "That's the only way to go."

"Plane?" I questioned. "Do you even know how expensive those tickets are? They don't take any drachmas, and I don't have any American money."

"Well then why don't you steal any from your father?" Jaws questioned. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"…What kind of world do all of you live in?" I questioned. "Even if I could buy the tickets, Chicago's literally like four hours away. Why would we waste our time going on a plane?"

"Yeah, that was a dumb idea of yours Shades." Horny said. "It's obvious that we just take the tour bus."

"Now, now, now, let me just stop you right there." I said. "…A tour bus… a public tour bus… you really expect the four of us, mythical legends, to go on a tour bus, full of a lot of people with cameras and scrapbooks to fill, and think that that'll be just fine and hunky-dory?"

"Well, I always wanted to get the public recognition I deserve." Shades said. "The world must know what beauty really comes into."

"Oh yeah, says the woman that turns every single first date into stone."

"Kiss my scaly ass, Horny."

"If I may…" Jaws said. "…If we're really going to take a vehicle to Chicago, Illinois, we have to go in our brand-new car."

"…Brand new car?" I questioned. I looked at the other three, who looked like they knew something I didn't know about. "…What car? We don't have a car."

That's where the three began to lead me to somewhere. They took me to this little place in the park, with a lot of people hiding in terror from us, and showed me this really expensive looking Lamborghini.

"…A Lamborghini?!" I yelled. "How the heck are you able to buy a car like that?!"

"…Buy? Who said anything about buy?" Horny questioned. "He just gave it to us and said we could have it for free if we go away."

"…You stole this car?!"

"Stole? Are you even listening?" Shades questioned. "No. He gave it to us as fair trade."

Fair trade is not at all what this could be described as. They basically stole this car, nothing else to say about it. I sighed and looked at them. "…So… you really want to ride in this?…"

After a little bit, we were on the road, me driving the very expensive vehicle that apparently I had no idea we had. I would have them return it first thing when we get back, but for now, I guess I can enjoy it while I got it.

"Hey, let's turn on the radio." Jaws said. "I want to hear some good old heavy metal."

"Uh, no." Shades said. "We'd be better off listening to some nice classical music. It's much more thoughtful than that screaming thrashing of metal."

"Oi, you want thoughtful, we gotta go country." Horny said. "That has a lot of emotion in it. It's always special and heartfelt every time you listen to it."

"Who cares about the feeling of music? I just want to hear some shredding guitar."

"That metal crap is nothing but a bunch of mindless, loud, ear piercing instruments! It has no soul!"

"There's nothing original about country! Every single time, it's the same thing!"

I can't freaking believe this. They're arguing again, over wanting the radio on? I swear to whatever god is watching over me, these guys literally find the dumbest things to argue about just to tick me off… and it works.

All I can say is this: It's going to be one really long trip…