(Season 6)
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A/N: Okay, I promise. You won't need a tissue for this story.
I don't own Bones.
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When Brennan had a decision to make, she made lists. It was the logical thing to do. After her mental breakdown during the Lauren Eames case she had confessed to Booth that she had made a mistake by not accepting his offer in front of the Hoover. Her confession had been too late and they both knew that. Booth had moved on and she had to accept that.
Angela had told her to move on and forget about Booth and Hannah had agreed. Booth was unavailable and as much as she wished she could change the past she knew that was an impossibility. She had refused to try to have a relationship with him and though it had taken several months, Booth had found someone that was willing to do what she couldn't. The situation appeared to be immutable.
The piece of paper lay on the table in front of her and her pen was ready for use. First, she had to decide what the list was about. Tapping the end of the pen against the table, she finally nodded her head and wrote two words on the top of the page. Hannah and Brennan.
Clearly those words didn't reflect her original intent, but as she had sat at the table, she began to wonder if Angela and Hannah were correct in their assessment. Angela was her best friend, but the artist had a tendency to throw Booth under the proverbial bus if it appeared that he was hurting her friend in any way. Brennan loved Angela, but her friend was too emotional and the rational part of her brain was easily drowned out in emotional storms. And then there was Hannah. She was Booth's girlfriend and she had a vested interest in Brennan moving on to someone else. She considered Hannah to be a friend, but was she really and did she really have Booth's or her best interests in mind? She wasn't so sure. No one was that logical, not even her.
So Hannah and Brennan was now written on the paper. What did she want to list under these names? What did she hope to accomplish, to decide? Of course her original intent had been to see who she should seek out in the future as a companion if she decided she wanted one, but now that she had time to think she had another puzzle that she needed to work out. She needed to prove that she needed to move on. One step at a time that was how things should work. If it was true that there was no a future with Booth then she would create a new list, in the meantime, Hannah and Brennan.
First she listed how long they had both known Booth, Hannah . . . 6 months, Brennan . . . 5 years. Well that certainly was a huge time difference wasn't it? Perhaps she should have written down 6 years under her name, but to be honest they had only been working together for 5 years. They barely talked the first year due to a misunderstanding. So five years almost six.
The next subject that came to mind is what they had in common with Booth. Hannah . . . Booth saved her life once . . . they had had sex under a fig tree (information that she hadn't really needed) . . . She had kept him from being lonely. That didn't seem to be very much to Brennan. They were very different people. Hannah was a reporter, Booth was a policemen who barely tolerated the press . . . Hannah never seemed to be home very long because of her job and Booth was a homebody. A very odd combination that shouldn't work.
So now Brennan . . . what did she have in common with Booth? . . . They worked together to catch murderers and they were very successful . . . They both had appalling childhoods, but had successfully overcome those abusive situations and had become successful in their fields . . . they enjoyed their companionship (or at least they used to before Hannah had entered the picture). Booth still ate meals with her and they had their celebratory drinks after a successful case, so yes they were still companionable, they were still friends . . . Booth had saved her life a few times and she had saved his . . . they could count on the other to be there when they needed them . . . yes, a satisfactory list and a lot in common.
Hannah . . . Booth claimed to love her. Brennan . . . he had never actually used those words unless she wanted to count that atta girl kind of love declaration he had stated a few months are his brain surgery . . . that had been a rather odd thing to say, but she knew that he did love her and she loved him . . . perhaps just as friends perhaps more, it was hard to say . . . She was still wary of that particular emotion. It was fraught with danger, but she did have proof of his love. He had once offered to let her use his semen to produce a baby. Booth was not someone to give anyone that piece of him unless he felt something for them. She felt she was on to something with that course of reasoning, but then again, she was terrible when it came to social contracts, so maybe she was wrong . . . no, it didn't seem wrong, so that was a plus in her column.
She wasn't sure what else she should list under their names. The positives seemed to be on her side, but Hannah had Booth and she didn't and that started her to thinking. She thought about Booth's past, or least what she knew about his past. Curious, she wrote his name on a separate piece of paper and began to make a new list.
Booth had served in the Army since he was twenty years old. He was a sniper and one of the best. He had had numerous affairs in his life, but he rarely talked about any of them. She knew about one of his youthful attachments in high school with a girl named Karen and an affair in college, which had involved Cam. He had been with Rebecca long enough to produce Parker. She knew about Tessa and Catherine. All in all, Booth had never had any long lasting relationships with anyone. They all seemed to end in failure. Alright that was an interesting fact and not to be discounted.
Perhaps she should remove Catherine from the list. After all she and Booth had only dated twice. Yes, it wasn't fair to include Catherine.
The fact was, Booth's affair with Hannah was probably doomed to fail. He was attracted to the wrong people or so it seemed. Each woman he had failed with was very independent, a rising star in their field. Their careers meant more to them than Booth.
The women Booth had had a past with eventually separated from him because they didn't want the same things he did. Booth wanted someone to commit to him, to eventually marry him, to create a family with him. He wanted the white picket fence and the house in the suburb.
Hannah would never give him that. She was a nomad who didn't believe in settling down. Surely Booth could see that for himself. Hannah had made it clear she was a nomad, Booth had to know that she would not stay with him long . . . so, Hannah was not going to be around forever. Not if her past and Booth's past were to be taken into account.
Well, that meant that moving on with someone else might be premature. When Booth's affair eventually failed, she would be there to help him as a friend, because he was going to take that failure with Hannah very badly. She knew Booth, he had romantic ideas about love that rarely held true. She knew that even if he didn't.
Brennan knew she could move on, but she didn't really want to. Someday, Booth was going to be available again and when he was she wanted another chance to have something with Booth. She wasn't sure how that would be accomplished since she had turned him down once, but Booth often talked about second chances and he believed that everyone deserved one, even her, even him.
Yes, she would wait and see how the next few months played out. If she was wrong, it would not be too late to move on. After all she was young and she had time to find a companion, if she really wanted one. Right now, at that moment, she didn't mind being alone. She had been alone most of her life and she knew that just because you were alone that didn't make you lonely. A lesson Booth had yet to learn.
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