(Season 9, The Secrets in the Proposal)

A/N: MstgSzy and Jazzyproz wanted a sequel to chapter 76, so here it is.

I don't own Bones.

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Frustrated, angry and afraid, Booth spent that Saturday cleaning out the garage. He had a small television sitting on a shelf that he normally had tuned into whatever game was playing while he was in the garage, but now the television was unplugged and covered with a blanket.

At a time when he should be the happiest man in the world, he was struggling to keep his family together and he was afraid he was going to fail. Just a few short months earlier, Brennan had asked him to marry him which had made him giddy with joy. He had never thought she would ask and he had been both shocked and over joyed when he had said yes. Then his world fell apart because of a vicious murderer and his explicit threats. Christopher Pelant had threatened to kill five strangers and possibly keep killing more if Booth didn't turn down Brennan's proposal. Filled with rage, he had seriously considered telling the serial killer to go to hell, but in the end, he had done what Pelant had asked of him and he had been paying the price ever since.

Of course, Brennan hadn't known why he had turned her down and she had grown distant and angry with him over the months. He had worked long hours trying to track down Pelant to end his nightmare and it was causing his home life to tatter in front of his eyes. Tired and upset, he had decided to take a day off and not worry about what was going on in his life. He wanted some peace and he knew that Brennan would give it to him since she was barely talking to him at the moment.

As he moved boxes around, he read the words printed on each box and tried to determine if the contents were worth keeping. Opening a box marked electronics, he found two old radios, three computer keyboards, a mouse, two modems and several cables and wires. Taping up the box he carried it out to the road for trash pickup and returned to the garage. At the moment, he didn't trust any electronic device he owned or was near and getting rid of the radios made him feel safer.

Checking through the boxes, he found a box marked 'keep'. It wasn't a very helpful label, but since it was Brennan's handwriting, he knew he would have to check with her before he threw anything away. Lifting the lid, he looked inside and found a lot of hardback books and several notebooks. Brennan was a bibliophile and probably couldn't throw a book away if her life depended on it. Lifting out each book, he noticed that they were classics and probably worth keeping. He loved books too, but not like his partner. Still classics were always worth the space they took up in a house. The notebooks were filled with lists, notes and observations which made Booth curious. Pulling them from the box, he placed them in order from the dates on the front covers. He checked the first one and found it was filled with school notes, observations about fellow classmates and lists of things that needed to be done or Brennan planned to do for each class she was taking in high school.

Skipping to later dates he spied a notebook that covered a time when they were struggling to remain friends and partners. Hannah had been in his life at the time and he had tried to keep his friendship with Brennan while living with someone else. It had been a time of uncertainty and heartache for both of them. Flipping through the notebook he found two sheets of paper folded and stuck in the pages. Curious, he opened them and found one sheet titled, Hannah / Brennan and the other sheet was titled Booth. As he read the first list he realized it was a pro and con sheet. He had seen Brennan make them out many times during their partnership and he knew it helped her organize her thoughts.

The purpose of the Hannah / Brennan sheet seemed to be clear. She had listed the pros and cons of knowing him for each person. All the pros had favored Brennan which didn't surprise Booth at all. She had been right, but still Hannah had been living with him at the time, so the list seemed to be useless to him. The Booth list seemed to be a list of his romantic failures and that irritated the shit out of him. "Now why the hell did she make a list of my failures in the romantic department . . . oh . . . okay, I get it. I get it." And he did. His history with women at the that time had been pretty dismal. The longest relationship he had ever had up to that time had been with Rebecca and it had ended in a spectacular failure, well except for Parker. His son was his greatest accomplishment up to that point and he loved his son so much, so the heartache that resulted from being separated from Rebecca had been worth the pain to him.

Brennan had obviously considered moving on in a relationship with someone else at the time, but before she did that she had made sure she needed to. His status as a loser with women apparently had given her reason to wait to see if his relationship with Hannah would last and true to his nature, he had failed once more. Annoyed, he placed the notebook and hardback books back in the box and taped the box closed. Placing it on the top shelf, he sat down on a bench stool, grabbed a pencil and wrote on the wooden bench before him, 'Why Bones should trust me'.

He didn't know why he was making the list, but if Brennan could make a list of his disasters then he should be able to make a list about himself that showed his good side, that he wasn't a loser.

Careful to be objective or as objective as someone can be when you're rating yourself, Booth listed his trustworthy qualities. 'Loyal, fair, faithful'. "Okay now I sound like a dog." Crossing a line through each word he'd written, he began again. 'Saved Bones from the Gravedigger. I never gave up.'

Okay that was more like it. What else? 'Protected her when I could'. 'Never walked away from her'. 'Honest'. 'Best friend'. 'I love her'. 'I'd die for her'. 'I'd kill for her'. 'I would never hurt her on purpose'. And yet that was what he was doing at the moment and his list suddenly seemed ridiculous. Before he could erase it, his phone rang. He was needed at the Hoover as soon as possible. Clancy Germany had been captured and he was being bought in by the Virginia State Police. The Deputy Director wanted him down at the Hoover pronto. Throwing the pencil down on the bench, he hurried in to the house to change clothes and left a note to tell Brennan where he was. Not that she really cared at the moment, but he still owed her an explanation where he was. Hopefully they would also wrap up the Jonas Siedel case soon and he could concentrate on finding Pelant. He prayed he would find him before Brennan left him. Filled with cold anger, he vowed to kill the serial murderer the minute he saw him. It was what the bastard deserved.

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She had found a business card in Booth's jacket pocket and decided to see why he was going to a club called Paradise Lost. It seemed out of character, but she had become concerned that he might be looking for a new mate there. After she had talked to the owner she came to realize that there was more going on with Booth and that her jumping to conclusions was not helping the situation. Whatever he was up to, the bar owner had assured her that Booth loved her and wanted to marry her. Something was preventing him from going through with the marriage and it must be terrible if Booth was keeping that reason a secret from her and everyone else.

After she arrived home, she found the note from Booth and thought it was time to start treating him like her partner and not her enemy. It had been awhile since she had cooked one of Booth's favorite dishes and she decided to do it that night. Their freezer was in the garage and she had to retrieve some frozen veal if she wanted to cook some Scallopini. While she was in the garage she noticed that Booth had left the light on over his work bench and she decided to turn it off. While she was leaning over the bench, she looked down and noticed a list written in pencil on the wooden surface. Placing her hands on both sides of the list she read it and felt a wave of sadness move through her.

Booth had been telling her for months that he loved her and she had chosen not to listen because his refusal to marry her had hurt so much. The list was like a silent plea for someone to listen to him and it made her feel sad that no one had done that. He was alone in whatever was going on and it made her both angry and heartbroken. She loved Booth and she trusted him and she knew that if he could tell her what was going on he would.

Determined, she cooked dinner for him, set the table and waited for him. Christine was with Angela and Hodgins' house and Brennan was determined to have an honest conversation with her lover that night. She trusted him and she would assure him that she still loved him. Hopefully someday he would explain his bizarre behavior to her, but in the meantime, she trusted him. She would always trust him.

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