Author's note: I reread a certain scene in Half-Blood Prince and realised that Remus and Tonks weren't necessarily broken up during that book, so here we are. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the canon, world, and characters portrayed below and you can tell I'm not J.K. Rowling because #transrights
Hogwarts: Assignment #10, Brewing Task #1, Write about making some sort of exchange.
Warnings: Canon prejudice
I Will Always Want to Love You Through This
"Fleur," he said, peeling himself off the wall when he saw who it was who was stepping into the courtyard.
"Yes," she said. She offered him a smile but, for the first time since he had known her, it was a crooked one. "Not exactly who you were hoping to see, I suppose?"
"Don't worry," Remus said, although… well, yes, he and Dora definitely needed to talk after what had happened in the Hogwarts infirmary… and he had been hoping she would eventually slip away from the unnecessarily neverending rounds of the castle Mad-Eye was dragging her on and wander here; to the courtyard near the Hufflepuff Common Room she had always called her favourite place at Hogwarts. But that hardly mattered. "How is Bill?"
"He woke up for a little bit," Fleur said–fatigue and stress straining her accent.
"Oh good," Remus said. "And..?"
"Madam Pomfrey did not think it would be wise to show him his scars so soon, but he remembers what happened and his pain is under control," she said. She leaned on the wall next to Remus and took a deep breath, gathering her blonde hair in a quick bun at the top of her head and rubbing the back of the neck.
"Those are two pieces of good news," Remus said gently. They were, they really were–it just would not be enough. It would not be enough until Bill woke up properly, gave his scars a few weeks to heal, and then experienced the first full moon… then they would know that he was safe.
"Yes," she said. "I am excited for the scar by his lip to heal enough for me to kiss him senseless."
She took a deep breath when she said that, as if all the air was leaving her body. For now, she looked exhausted.
"Do you happen to smoke, by any chance?" she asked him.
"It's a habit I kicked some time ago," Remus admitted.
She swore in French under her breath.
"I was hoping to, what's the word, bum a cigarette," she admitted. "It is not healthy, I know, but…"
"It is a good way to wind down," he said.
"Exactly," she said. "Plus, if Bill is sleeping, then he won't be able to taste it on me."
Remus smiled at that. "I'm afraid I can't help."
"It is fine," Fleur said, waving it off. She wrapped her arms around herself and against the night air. "Would you need a smoke to wind down from tonight as well?"
Remus thought about the night from start to finish. About their alarms going off, when Death Eaters entered the castle. About the shock and queasiness that came from seeing Greyback again, no matter how many times they came face-to-face. About the heat and adrenaline of the duels. About hearing Harry tell them that Dumbledore was dead. About Dora… well, Dora opening the debate about whether or not they should marry to the Order of the Phoenix. About McGonagall's words: Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world.
"Better not to re-acquire hard-to-break habits," Remus said.
"I see," Fleur said. She was quiet for a moment and then sighed. "I did not mean to yell at my future mother-in-law today."
Remus cracked a smile. "You're a brave woman."
"No, I am impatient and prideful," Fleur said. "But it is okay, because Bill knows and he loves me anyways. And I meant what I said back there…"
"In the infirmary?" Remus asked. "Of course, Fleur. I know you love Bill."
"Not only that," Fleur said. "About it not mattering that he was bitten."
Remus stilled and chewed on his lip again. He knew where this conversation was going–he and Dora had been going around in circles for… well, months now. They had had this conversation in every room of the flat they had once shared in downtown London, they had had this conversation in a thousand different words in between his visits to the werewolf colony and her late shifts at the Auror Office. She was so sure she wanted to be with him forever, and he was so sure that to drag their relationship into the light would be the thing that ruined it–that it would bring her too much trouble, too much prejudice, too much pain… It was better for them not to be together, Remus was sure of it. He had tried to end it, and hadn't quite managed to sever every tie. It was one thing to crawl into each other's beds after bad days or seek each other out after dangerous Order missions; it would be another for the whole world to know.
"I don't think I should be talking to you about this, Fleur," Remus said.
"You're right, you should be talking to her about this, and so I will go," Fleur said, peeling herself off the wall. "But she meant what she said about loving you too."
"It's not that I don't think she means it," Remus said, cursing himself as he opened his mouth. "It's that I don't think she understands how different it would be to actually be… to actually… to tie herself down to someone like me–of all things, a werewolf."
"Hey," Fleur said. "That is possibly my fiancé, the love of my life, you are talking about. And you said it yourself that you knew I loved him…"
"It's more complicated than that, Fleur," Remus said.
"Maybe," Fleur said. "What else can I say to you, Remus? I know I love the man I want to marry. That is all."
She strolled back into the castle, leaving the courtyard to Remus once again.
He tilted his head back and rested it against the stone. He thought of having seen Dora again, after they had been separated in the battle, when he had thought something may have happened to her. He thought of the way he had had to remind himself not to reach for her, because that was all his arms wanted to do before he could even process that she was there, but their relationship was supposed to be as quiet as it could be, and he had spent so much time convincing her that it would be better that way...
He thought of what Fleur had said about Bill. She had no way of knowing what would happen, but knew she loved Bill enough to get through it. Meanwhile, he knew exactly what would happen if he married Dora, but knew that he wanted to love her enough to get through it. He wanted his love to be enough to warrant and fix and patch all those problems he foresaw.
Those things felt so very different. But Remus wanted very, very badly to love her enough to get through what would happen if she married him–the whispers, the stigma, the places they would not be welcome if she was with him, the questions that everyone would ask her, the rumours that would spread...
It was him and the night air for a while as he thought about that; about how he would always want to love her enough to make the world good and decent and kind and safe for her, even if he couldn't actually do it. Even if he couldn't actually get it done.
Eventually, Dora did what he'd guessed she'd do and came to find him in the courtyard by her old common room.
"Hey," she said under her breath. "I thought you might be by Gryffindor Tower..."
"I want to marry you," Remus said–the first time he had said it, even if she had said it time and time again.
Dora froze, grey eyes widening and lips parting.
"Remus, are… are you saying that because of what happened in the infirmary? Because I didn't mean to ambush you, I'm sorry, that was impulsive…"
"I'm saying I want to marry you because I want to marry you," Remus said. "I want to marry you. That's all I can give you: the fact that I want to marry you, and want to love you enough to always be worth what might happen to you–to us. I can always give you that. And if that is going to be enough for you, on the days where I can't love you enough to make the world alright… then yes. I want to marry you."
The corners of her lips tugged up shakingly, as if she had lost control of her smile.
"Good," Dora asked, closing the distance between them and looping her arms around his shoulders. "Because that's how much I want to marry you too."
WC: 1447