(The Hole in the Heart)

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I don't own Bones.

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They weren't sure how it began. One minute it was drinks after a successful conclusion to cases and the next minute it was dinner and dancing once or twice a week. It wasn't anything they agreed to do, it just happened. Those few get togethers morphed into almost a daily get together and once they were seeing each other everyday everything seemed to click for them.

There had been an awkward distance between them since Booth had asked Brennan to take a chance on a relationship. It had thrown them off kilter and they never seemed to be able to get their footing back.

Then they were separated for seven months and when Booth came back Brennan had discovered that he was in a committed relationship with someone else. The awkwardness between them continued. Neither was willing to give up their friendship or their partnership and yet they couldn't seem to be comfortable with their situation. Neither knew what to do and the strain was enormous. It was something that most of their friends could see, but no one knew what to do about it or even if they should.

Brennan had been the first to break. The Lauren Eames case had forced her to look at her life and what it meant to deny love when freely given. She had found herself on the verge of a breakdown during the case and with a flash of insight, her world righted itself. She knew that she didn't want the life that Dr. Eames had lived. She was smarter than that. She could learn not only from her own mistakes, she could learn from someone else's too.

With her new-found balance, Brennan knew that she had several options open to her. She could proceed to find someone that would love her and commit to her in a personal relationship. Her second alternative was to leave love to chance. If there was someone out there for her, she would find them sooner or later and if she didn't find anyone then that was fine too. She was the best anthropologist in the world and a best-selling author. She had friends and a small family that loved her. She would not disappear never to be missed like Lauren had been. When she passed away from this life, her passing would not go unnoticed because she did have solid connections with those around her. She just hadn't realized it until confronted with the death of a renowned doctor that no had noticed was gone.

Her third option was a risky one, but in the end, Brennan decided that it might be the best one for her, at least for the moment. Booth was in a relationship with Hannah and that relationship seemed to be rather tenuous or at least it seemed that way to her. Hannah was gone more than she was home and she had loudly declared to Booth's friends that she was a nomad. Booth didn't seem to understand that fact and it was possible his relationship would not last very long. Brennan was patient and she would see what would happen with his relationship before she moved on. She was in no hurry.

There was one thing she knew. She loved Booth and she didn't want to give up his friendship or their partnership no matter what happened. She had known Booth for a long time and she valued his friendship. It was probably the best relationship she had ever had with anyone in her life and if all they ever were, were friends then she would accept that.

Booth's break down came when he had asked Hannah to marry him and she had declined. She was only interested in a loose relationship with him and didn't want to permanently commit to him or anyone else. This had been a devastating blow to Booth. He had thought he had finally found someone that loved him enough to commit to be with him for the rest of his life. The blow had caused him to fly into a rage and to try to cut himself off from everyone he knew. He had even told his partner that they would just be partners from that point on. He was bitter and that bitterness was all he had at that moment.

Of course, he couldn't remain angry forever. After all, he didn't want to be his father and he would never sink so low as to treat the ones he loved as horrifically as his father had. He did have friends and they had bent over backwards to ignore his ugly mood. They knew Booth and they understood that he had been crushed. Brennan had stood by his side and watched as his anger turned to disappointment and then to confusion. He claimed to be angry up until their enforced confinement in the elevator during a blackout, but Brennan felt it wasn't anger that was holding Booth back from moving forward, but uncertainty. He seemed to feel safer where he was and he was afraid to move forward. Brennan could understand that since she had been guilty of that herself. She understood the fear he felt. For a long time, she had believed that love didn't exist because her parents had betrayed her as a child. Booth has always known that love existed, but it seemed that love was meant for others and not for him. She knew that he just needed to take a chance again. He needed to see that love was waiting for him if he would just risk it.

They had both gradually moved towards each other, cautiously protecting themselves and yet willing to risk it if their partner made that first move. In the end no one made the first move. Oddly they started dating without calling it that. They had never done anything the normal way and this was just more of the same.

There was no telling how long they would have continued to date without calling it that until Vincent Nigel Murray was murdered. They both knew that Booth had been the intended target of Brodsky and that fate had intervened. That night, while Brennan mourned the death of her intern in the arms of Booth, they found that the wall between them had completely disappeared. There was no hesitation between them and that night they consummated their love. It was life altering moment for both of them.

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Booth was happy. It had only been nine days since the English intern had died, but he couldn't help it, he was happy. Running his hand through his hair to make sure it was alright, he hesitated before knocking on the door of Brennan's apartment. He hadn't said he would be over that night, but then again, they never seemed to make plans about their evenings. Ever since she had got back from the intern's funeral they seemed to find a way to be together every night. He couldn't stay away and Brennan seemed to like his company.

Ready, he knocked on the door and waited. When no one came to the door, he knocked once more. After a while, he realized that either Brennan wasn't home or she didn't want company. Either way, he was disappointed. Not sure what to do with himself, he walked over to the stairwell, opened the door, jogged down to the first floor and made his way out to the sidewalk. His hands in his pants pockets, he stared at his truck and tried to make up his mind what to do.

If Brennan was at work, she was there for a reason. She had fussed at him the previous evening that she was falling behind in her work and she needed to show some progress to Cam. He understood that he had been taking up a lot of her time, but he was so damn happy when he was with her and he wanted to be with her all of the time.

Since he didn't want to interfere with whatever she was doing, he decided to pick up a pizza and go back home. Once he was there, he placed his boxed pizza on the coffee table, removed his jacket and draped it on the back of the couch and sat down. Using his remote he flipped through the channels trying to find a game to watch when he stumbled upon a movie that he hadn't seen in a long time. He knew it was considered a chick flick, but he liked 'You've Got Mail'. It had a happy ending and not every movie made him smile like it did. Perhaps he liked it because it showed that love was possible even under the most distressing circumstances or maybe he just liked it because the guy got the gal and it always gave him hope.

While the movie was on, he ate his pizza and drank beer. It wasn't the evening he had expected to have, but it was a peaceful one and he had had few of those in the last several weeks. His anger had been real and he had isolated himself as much as possible when Hannah moved out. It had taken him a few weeks to recognize his attitude was pushing him in a direction he didn't want to go in. His father had been an ugly bitter old man who hated the world because his life wasn't what he wanted it to be. As far as Booth was concerned the man had had everything and he had thrown it away. He would not do that. His anger had died, but he did make the decision to protect himself from emotional entanglements. That didn't mean he wanted to give up his friendships or his family though. A man had to have some connection with the world. He had just wanted to make sure no one ever broke his heart again. He probably would have kept on that path if it hadn't been for his partner.

His thoughts disrupted by a knock at the door, Booth left his pizza and beer behind to answer the door. "Bones!"

Brennan stood in the doorway with an uncertain look on her face. "Am I disturbing you? I can leave."

"What are you kidding me? Come in." Booth stood back to allow her room to enter the apartment. "You aren't disturbing me. I was just eating pizza . . . hey, you hungry? Oh wait . . . it's a meat pizza. I'm sorry . . . I could order you a veggie pizza if you want one. I have beer." He couldn't stop talking. He was excited to see his partner.

"No Booth." Brennan interrupted him by holding up a plastic bag. "I stopped by Mama's and bought enough vegetable soup for both of us. You can eat your pizza and I will eat soup. I will accept some beer though." She walked down the hallway, noticed the movie on the TV and was surprised he wasn't watching a game. Sitting down on the couch, she placed her bag on the table. "I finished identifying one of the lost ones in Bones Storage, so once I was done, I decided to see if you wanted company."

He grabbed a bottle of beer from the kitchen and hurried back into the living room. After he handed her the bottle, he sat down next to her and turned the volume down on his television. "I always want your company. Never doubt that for a minute.

"Aw, that is so romantic." Brennan placed the beer on the coffee table, leaned over and kissed him. She enjoyed kissing her partner. It was still new and exhilarating.

Their kiss threatened to turn into more, but the couple parted and smiled instead. "I'm a romantic kind of guy, Bones." Booth really loved kissing his partner and did it as often as possible. "I'm glad you came over. I missed you."

His words were just so romantic and it made Brennan's heart flutter. "I missed you too . . . I thought it might be novel if I stayed here tonight. So far, you have stayed at my apartment and I don't want to appear to be selfish."

"Thanks, I need to do some laundry tonight. If I don't I could end up going commando in a couple of days." Booth winked at her. "Of course, going commando could save us some time."

Brennan laughed. "I'm sure it would." Removing her container of soup from the bag, she opened it and retrieved a spoon from the bag. "It could prove embarrassing if you were to hurt yourself and ended up in the hospital."

"Hey, don't jinx me like that." Booth fussed at her. "Don't even put that out there. I have enough scars thank you very much."

"I'm sorry." She worried that she had stepped over a line. "Of course, I don't wish you to get hurt."

Worried that he had upset her, Booth shook her head. "I know that . . . Have you told Angela about us yet?" So far, they hadn't told anyone about their relationship. He wasn't sure why.

"I told you I told her about our first night, but I haven't mentioned our staying together." She was afraid if she said something about their relationship, someone would try to interfere in their private business. "I worry that our friends may try to give us unsolicited advice. We need to handle our relationship our way. We don't need anyone's advice."

"Yeah." Sometimes, Booth was afraid that he was going to wake up and find out it was all a dream. "I talked to Deputy Director Bishop about us. I had to. He said that since you're not an FBI employee then the non-fraternization rule doesn't really apply. He did say we have to be professional at crime scenes. If he finds out we're not, he might sever our partnership, so no making out at crime scenes Bones." He laughed. "That would be kind of gross anyway. Disgusting bodies can be a real mood killer."

Relieved that their partnership was safe, Brennan sighed. "I am always professional, Booth."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just telling you what Bishop said." He picked up a slice of pizza and took a bite. He was hungry and he was glad he didn't have to share it even if that was a little selfish. "Um . . . Bones, I need to say this and I don't want you to get all weird on me but . . . um, well . . . I love you."

Brennan placed her spoon in the container and stirred her soup. "I know that."

He placed his pizza slice back in the box and turned to face her. "Do you really know that? I really do love you, not just as a partner and a friend. I love you!"

She placed the soup container down on the table. "We have had sex numerous times in the last few days. I believe you have told me that you love me at least eleven times so far."

"Um, yeah, but I want you to believe it." Booth was sure he sounded foolish. "It's not a line. I love you. I'm not just saying that because I think it's something you want to hear. It's real. I'm being real."

"I love you, Booth." Brennan found Booth to be an enigma sometimes. "You have told me that you love me. I trust you and I know you don't say things you don't mean."

Booth took her hand in his hand and stared into her bright blue eyes. "Look, this is important. I know you think that love can die because of your parents and those idiots you've dated in the past, but this is real and it's not going to die. I'm in this until the end. My end . . . I've never wanted something or someone so badly and now that I have you in my life . . . I want you to understand that I'm never going to leave you. We're going to have our ups and downs because we always do, but I love you and that love is stronger than any bullshit we get up to . . . This is real . . . this is permanent. You don't have to be scared because love doesn't have to die and it won't. I won't let it . . . I love you."

He was so intense and Brennan knew that Booth was making a solemn vow to her. "You say that you love me and I am telling you that I love you, Booth. You need to stop worrying about me. I am not going to run to another dig if our relationship becomes bumpy. I am through running from you and I'm through running from me . . . I . . . I have always avoided emotional entanglements because I didn't trust what was going on. I don't pick up on social cues like most people do, you know that. Often times, I don't understand what I am feeling, so you can imagine what it is like to try to understand what others are feeling . . . I try and in the past, I've failed and it hurt me because I'm not like most people. I can't always understand what I am feeling and when it comes to expressing those thoughts . . . I don't want you to give up on me because I can't explain what I am feeling and why . . . I don't . . ."

"Bones." He saw her struggling and it made him sad that she doubted herself so much. "I will never give up on you. If I have to beat a dead horse to get something across to you, I will and you can do the same for me. Don't give up trying to explain something to me if it's important to you, okay? I'm not as smart as you are and sometimes you have to explain something more than once and that's okay. The important thing is to keep trying. We have to talk each other . . . just keep talking and so will I."

Her nose wrinkled. "Why would you or I beat a dead horse? The idea is quite repugnant."

"Um, it's just a saying, Bones. It means that I'll keep trying." She looked so cute when she was confused. Those little lines between her eyes, that little nose scrunch . . . damn she was so beautiful.

"Oh, I see." Some of the things Booth claimed was a popular saying seemed rather gross and off putting, but it was something she was used to by now. "Yes, I will keep talking . . . Are you really hungry right now?"

A sly smile on his face, Booth leaned forward and kissed her. "Yeah, but not for pizza."

The look of lust on his face was quite unmistakable. She had known it would be a good idea to visit Booth for the evening. A very good idea. "I too am hungry for something else . . . would you like to go to bed with me and find out what it is?"

He stood up immediately and pulled her to her feet. "Oh, that is a yes Bones. Hell yes."

She kissed him then kissed him again. "Your kisses are becoming quite addictive."

His eyes glittering, Booth gripped her hand and pulled her towards the bedroom. "Damn that is so hot, Bones. You can have as many kisses as you want anytime you want wherever you want."

"Except at crime scenes."

He laughed. "Yeah, not at crime scenes . . . at least not where anyone can see us."

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