It took a few days – and a few bruised toes and one bloody nose – before Faith was able to really rely on her other senses beside that of sight. She could navigate all around the compound almost without errors, and there was always someone to re-orient her if she felt lost and called for "position". Previously she wouldn't have been caught dead being dependent on other people like this but a side-effect of being effectively blind was that she spent lots of time inside her mind. And one of the first insights she had gotten was that an aspect of this exercise was to get her to rely on the help of other people more.

She had initially thought that not being able to see would affect her studies negatively. Of course, she couldn't read the texts and exercises in her current situation, but she had quickly found out that if Pauline or Miyoko read them out loud to her, she was able to actually visualize the mathematical formulas and events described in the texts in her head. Her writing was, surprisingly enough, line-straight when she wrote the answers down.

She wasn't the Daredevil or anything, but it was astounding how easily she had been able to adapt to the temporary loss of sight. Then there was the flip side of the coin. Within the darkness, the darkness within was finding its way to the surface more and more often. When the voices started whispering to her, it took all her self-restraint not to rip the blindfold away and have the light of day banish the shadows away.

To help her there were the other voices – soothing and calm. Around her the reassuring presence of Pauline, Miyoko and the others really made all the difference. She knew she had help if she requested it, but she had her own inner demons to fight, and she was determined to face them on her own...

... which was proving to be not at all as easy as she'd have thought. 'You fucking worthless whore!' whispered, spoken or yelled in that familiar, grating voice was really doing a number on her. She tried to concentrate on the t'ai chi and maintain her inner balance, but it was becoming more and more difficult to find the inner calmness when there were no outside stimuli to distract her.

Her stance, the precision she was aiming for was slipping away from her and she could do nothing about it. She was a Slayer... she was a Champion – and she was... lost.

She knew that gritting her teeth was not the way, and her breath was erratic, but the forms were the only thing she had left. Maybe she was hallucinating but occasionally she could almost smell the stale booze that permeated their old apartment in Boston... see her mother passed out on the sofa.

She felt a presence behind her and lashed out instinctively. She hit a solid body... heard a gasp of pain.

Miyoko.

Faith ripped the damn blindfold away almost savagely and gasped as her visual sense was again flooded by sunlight. She froze and covered her eyes with her hands. Almost immediately she could hear running feet approach her and the prone Miyoko on the ground. Keeping her eyes squeezed shut, she reached out blindly and touched Miyoko's bruised cheek.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...," she kept whispering, close to hyperventilating. At any time she was expecting to be pushed aside as the rabid dog she visualised herself as being. Instead, she was taken into a full-body hug by Pauline as Lynn started taking care of the now unconscious Miyoko.

"Stay still, Faith," Pauline ordered quietly but sternly as Faith started struggling. Her struggles were feeble – it was like her Slayer strength had totally left her, so Pauline was able to easily hold and restrain her.

"She needs to take a Spirit Walk," Faith heard Patricia tell Pauline much later as she was sitting next to Miyoko's bed holding the unconscious woman's hand in hers. "She was out of control... not herself. It's her past catching up with her."

"But she'll need a guide... an anchor. That will require complete trust. I don't think any of us..."

"I'll do it," Faith murmured quietly but still loud enough to make Patricia and Pauline fall silent.

"But without...?" Patricia started.

"Is distance a factor?" Faith interrupted her.

"No, but..."

"Then you know what to do."

And, like that, Patricia did.

Rowan was lying in his bed reading a book when there was a knocking at his door. One short and two long knocks for "W".

"Come in, Wes," he called, laying the book on the bedside table and rising up to sit on the bed. He became suddenly very alert when he saw the grim look on the Keeper's face. "What is it?"

"Dr Mahuta called..."

"Faith?"

"Yes. It seems she might be suffering from long-delayed PTSD related to her childhood. She has been staying blindfolded as part of her training and some long-buried painful memories have been surfacing from her subconscious and affecting her quite violently. She lashed out at Ms Nagisa and rendered her unconscious with a broken cheekbone."

Rowan stood up in a flash with almost savage determination. Wesley took an involuntary step backwards.

"Get me in touch with her, Wes. Now!" he commanded, slipping back to the role of Framadar.

"Rowan, listen..."

"NOW!"

"What's all this noise, then?" an amused woman's voice asked from the door.

"Althenea," Rowan nodded grimly, acknowledging the Witch's presence as something of secondary importance. "Now's really not the time."

Althenea tsk'ed. "Young love. Still manages to make even the best of us a fool. Calm down, Rowan, and focus. Why do you think I'm here now?"

Re-focusing himself with a few controlled breaths, Rowan tried to analyse the situation. "You won't be able to teleport me across the globe by yourself. Unless you have the full coven gathered on the summit of Earl's Seat to form a Grand Circle, that'll only leave..."

"Exactly! Are you willing...?"

"Of course," Rowan nodded, now fully understanding the situation. "I assume she has someone there to perform the ritual."

"Yes, a young witch named Patricia. I will synch with her and do the same here for you."

"Now?"

"No better time. Lay down on the bed."

Faith opened her eyes and found herself standing in front of their old apartment building in Boston. Which was odd, since she knew it had been demolished years ago. She turned her face up. There was only one lit window in the whole façade... their old kitchen.

Before she could wonder about her surroundings any further, she glimpsed movement in her peripheral vision. Turning around in a flash, she felt her heart skip a few beats. 'I'm Faith. I'm not gonna...' 1... 2... 3... 'Oh, who the fuck do I think I'm fooling?' Then she started running.

She and Rowan met mid-way, solidly enough, and practically wrapped themselves around each other. Faith felt giddy and wanted to both laugh and cry in relief. They shared small, feather-like kisses amidst small moans and whimpers as Faith wrapped her arms around Rowan's neck and he took her face in his hands.

"You came," Faith whispered.

"Always, Sunray."

After a few more kisses, both sobered enough to survey their surroundings more thoroughly.

"So, what happens now?" Faith asked, turning around on the spot. Unseen by her, Rowan nodded to himself. It wasn't the first time he had been asked that question.

Faith felt herself being embraced from behind.

"Do you trust me?" Rowan whispered in her ear.

A multitude of fleeting images floated through Faith's mind, winding down to a scene in a dark alley with the two of them facing Allan Finch. When she answered, there was barely any hesitation. "I trust you," she whispered back. "Only you... always."

"Then it's time you faced your past, Sunray."

Flicker

They were standing in a staircase outside an apartment door.

She pushed the door open to a nearly dark hallway which she recognised only too well. The stained carpet, the shit-brown cupboard and the old "Casablanca" poster on the wall. The stench of old sweat and stale booze assaulted her nose. There was a light ahead which she knew came from the kitchen. She looked back at Rowan who was standing behind her. He nodded.

She was standing in the doorway to the kitchen with her hands pressed to her mouth as she watched the three-year-old her try to reach the fridge door which was just outside the child's reach. She felt Rowan's reassuring touch on her shoulder. She must have made a sound since the child stopped her efforts and turned to face them with wide-eyed curiosity.

"Awe you Mom's fwiends," the child Faith asked her in a small voice. 'I used to trust people then,' Faith wondered.

"No, kitty," Faith shook her head with tears in her eyes. She had never been very good at interacting with small children but now, using the endearment on herself felt like the most natural thing in the world. She could remember all too well the loneliness, the hunger, the scariness of waking alone in the dark and the empty bedroom. "We are here because of you."

"I'm hungwy but I can't weach the doow."

She stepped into the kitchen leaving Rowan standing in the hallway. She crouched down in front of her child self.

"Where's your mom?" she asked even though she already knew the answer.

"I don't know. I waked up and she was gone."

"What would you like to have, sweetie?"

She sat at the opposite side of the table watching little Faith stuff her face with an enormous cheese and ham sandwich. There was a large glass of milk on the table in front of the child.

"Thank you, pwetty lady," the child managed to say through a mouthful of bread. "I like you."

"I like you too."

Wearing a huge grin, the three-year-old Faith faded away.

Flicker

She and Rowan were again standing in the dimly-lit hallway. The kitchen was now empty and silent, but they could hear muffled sobs coming from a room she knew was hers. She opened the door silently and saw the nine-year-old her lying in the bed curled into a ball facing away from the door. 'Not this. Anything but this!' She felt a terrible ache in her chest and her legs lost all their strength. She would have fallen to the floor if not for Rowan who was there in an instant to steady her.

"Be brave, Sunray," he whispered in her ear.

Hesitantly and quietly Faith approached the bed and sat down on it behind the sobbing child. She reached out and gently caressed the young girl's brown hair. The child stiffened at her touch and turned her frightened and tear-stained face to her.

"Please, don't hurt me," the child begged. One of her eyes was swelled almost totally shut and there was dried blood all over her face and pillow.

"Shhh, little one," Faith whispered soothingly. She lifted her hand to touch the child's face but froze when she backed away from her in fright. "I promise I won't hurt you. I want to help you," she offered opening her arms wide.

"I... I think I should know you," the little girl whispered, relaxing a little. "Who are you? You're not one of Mom's...?" she left the sentence hanging.

"No, kiddo. I'm your friend."

With that her younger self launched herself into her arms, crying from relief.

Flicker

Faith was crying softly against Rowan's shoulder. They were sitting side by side on the edge of her old bed. The child had faded away after Faith had rocked her to sleep on her lap resting the child's head against her shoulder. The last expression on the child's face had been one of joyful happiness.

"Do you see now?" she hiccoughed. "I'm so fucked-up."

"Every child carries scars, yours are just deeper than most. I won't leave you," Rowan responded and pulled her close.

"Promise?" Faith managed a lopsided smile.

"I promise, Sunray."

Suddenly they heard voices from elsewhere in the apartment, a man and a woman. The woman's voice Faith knew like her own. It still managed to frighten her.

In the living room her mother and a man were fixing lines on a mirror-surfaced table. The man had one of his hands up her mom's skirt. He seemed to wear the face of every man her mother had ever brought home.

Faith let out a hiss and her mother turned to face her, trying to focus her eyes.

"You've been a bad girl again, huh, slut?" her mother slurred. "That the schmoe you're spreading your legs to now? I should beat you within an inch of your life, whore."

Faith felt the old helplessness try to find its way back to overwhelm her and she instinctively lowered her eyes down to her boots. 'You've been a bad girl again, Faith. I need to punish you.' She balled her hands into fists, tightening them until she felt the nails pierce the skin of her palms. She took a deep breath and felt the words come to her lips almost unbidden.

"No, Mom," she stated in a strong and even voice, raising her head back up to look directly into her mother's eyes. "You will never touch me again. I'm here to say goodbye, that's all. I can never forgive or forget what you did or allowed to happen to me. All I ever wanted was your love. A child doesn't judge their parents, they are the child's whole world. My world was barren and empty but now I've moved on. I hadn't realised before now how beautiful the world can be when love and trust are freely given and received. I pity you but I still hope that someday, somewhere you'll find redemption. Goodbye, Mother."

She turned away from her mother who wore an astounded and sober look on her face while starting to fade away. The man who had been silent so far suddenly jumped up from the couch.

"You can't talk to your mother like that, bitch! Get back here!" he yelled.

Faith gave Rowan a meaningful look. He shrugged his shoulders with a knowing smirk.

"As they say, 'it's your party'," he winked and turned away, heading back to the hallway.

Faith turned to face the man.

"You forgot to say the magic word, jerk-off," she addressed him in a deceptively sweet voice.

"Huh?" the man blinked stupidly, and that's when Faith kicked him in the groin.

"'Please', motherfucker!" she screamed as the man's face lost all colour and he dropped to his knees holding his damaged family jewels. "You forgot to say 'please'!"

"That was for all the groping!" Faith roared. She then bitch-slapped him full-force, almost decking him. "That was for all the slobbering!" She finally roundhouse-kicked the man in the side of his head which dropped him in a boneless heap. He started to fade. "And that was for forcing your diseased fucking cock down my throat!"

Faith took a few shaking breaths to calm down. She looked around the now empty and quiet living room feeling a sudden dread. 'Bright Eyes!' The old and still lingering fears of abandonment suddenly gripped her heart threatening to undo everything she had accomplished here.

She hurried back to the hallway and almost sobbed in relief when she saw Rowan leaning relaxed against the cupboard with his arms crossed and his chin resting against his chest. It was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen. She felt her anxiety melt away as she rushed to hug him.

"All done here?" Rowan asked opening his arms to welcome her.

"Finished," Faith answered burying her face in Rowan's shoulder. The apartment started to vanish from around them.

Flicker

With Rowan's hand in hers, they materialised in a dark alley where rain was falling in torrents, Faith saw her twelve-year-old self hugging herself, shivering with cold. She had run away from her foster family once again. Eventually she found a wastepaper dumpster inside which she crawled for shelter.

Flicker

They appeared inside a dirty bedroom. Faith saw her 14-year-old self leaving the room after she had quietly emptied a wallet left so carelessly on the vanity. A large bag of weed followed the money into her pocket. The man in the bed kept on snoring.

Flicker

Vampires approaching her huddled form, she was unable to protect herself anymore. Car tires screeched, a woman stepped out of the vehicle and held the vampires away with a cross and a bottle of Holy Water. "Come with me, Faith," the woman called her urgently. "I'm Diane Seymour and I've been searching for you for quite some time."

Flicker... Flicker... Flicker

The motel room looked exactly like it had the day she rented it approximately a year ago, except that it smelled clean and it was quiet all around.

"Why this place?" Faith asked in bafflement.

Rowan stepped in front of her and pulled her close by her belt loops. "Let's just say we have a little time to make your memories of this place more... pleasant."

"How much time?"

"How much time do you want?" With that he dropped to his knees in front of her and started unbuttoning her jeans.

Looking at Rowan from this angle was a shocking experience for her. There was no hint of a challenge or hidden dominance in his actions as his gaze flicked up to her eyes before he leaned in and kissed her mound through her panties.

Her breathing erratic, Faith threaded her fingers through Rowan's silken hair. Closing her eyes and trying to control her desire, she gently but firmly held him away.

"Why did you stop me?" Rowan asked softly, seeing the play of emotions on Faith's face. There was desire and lust but behind them... a brief glimpse of fear.

"I... I've... I want...," Faith started and stopped a few times, at the same time looking pleadingly down at Rowan.

Leaving the Slayer's jeans unbuttoned, Rowan stood up and gently caressed Faith's cheek. "As quick or slow as you want, always. Remember?"

"How can you be so understanding?" Faith whispered, leaning into the caress. "How can you care for me so much? I've used people in the past, always thinking only of my own pleasure. That's... that's why I stopped you. I... want to do better than that, remember? I want to take this – whatever this is – slow."

"Why do I care for you so much, Sunray?" Rowan asked and kissed her gently. "What makes you think I have a choice? It's just something I know with my whole being." Still keeping his hand on Faith's cheek, Rowan took a step back. "I see you, the whole of you, and you're beautiful throughout."

'Is it possible to burst from happiness?' Faith managed a coherent thought to her surprise. She pulled him back against her.

"What we had... what we did back in Sunnydale, it was fucking amazing, and I can't wait to experience some more of that demon endurance. I used to be the 'want, take, have' girl, but I don't want that anymore. I want you, Bright Eyes, more than anything. Even more than that, I want you with me, to be with you."

"I want that too, so yes, in a way you 'have' me as well."

"But, no more 'taking' for Faith Lehane, unless it's mutual."

"Faith...," she more felt than heard the faint whisper in her ear.

She gasped in surprise. He hadn't called her by name since ages.

"Yeah?" she breathed.

"Say my name."

"Rowan!" Faith breathed and felt the sound of her voice vibrate all the way through her. A warm flush exploded in her lower belly and her legs almost gave way under her. "Oooh, shiiiittt!"