Initial confusion and fear struck me as my consciousness began to return from the faintness that had surrounded me before. Intending to draw breath on reflex, I had to physically restrain myself from doing so as not to take in water, the realisation of my dire situation snapping me awake completely. Above me I could see the rippling light of the surface beneath the boughs of coral, and the constant flashes of light from weapons being fired and the shouts of victory echoed from above as the fighting began to diminish. For a moment I felt like a padawan again, lost and forgotten, abandoned somewhere in a place meant to kill me as I sunk lower and lower, struggling to even slow my heart rate down to conserve what little oxygen I had left. Was this the will of the Force? Was I meant to die here? Although I was ready to die…I found I did not want to. I wanted to do more with my life, I feel like I had barely accomplished anything, and there was still so much I wanted to see.
I wished to see Ahsoka pass her trials and become a Jedi Knight, I wanted to see this war end and help to heal the scars that it had left behind, I wanted so much, and to see so much, yet I had never allowed myself to indulge in any such things. I would have given anything to see the wonders of the galaxy, to explore the many beautiful and wondrous planets, to delve into history and learn more of our pasts, to seek out adventure and new challenges, discover lost temples and civilisations, to become a Jedi worthy of the rank of Master through my own skill and competency. If I died, I would become one with the Force, but it is not the same as living, and that is the only regret I would carry with me into death.
Blinking as the light started to fade, I saw something moving amongst the ripples of light from above. Blackness ebbed then receded, and the object was now closer, more distinguishable, and each time I blinked, they were moving closer and closer towards me. Master Fisto. I could see him. Swimming down to me he reached out, searching for my helmet as I shook my head and placed a hand at my throat, struggling to maintain my vision as I signalled that he needed to take me up to the surface so that I could breathe. "We do not have time, you will drown before we reach the surface." He said to me as the burning in my lungs which I had failed to notice until now became excruciating beyond tolerance, and knowing that I could have but a moment of relief by releasing my breath, I succumbed to the need and exhaled.
The rush of bubbles of released air flew upwards, momentarily blocking my view of Master Fisto, the sweet sensation of alleviating pressure felt glorious until my lungs were then empty and I had no air in which to refill them. Gripping onto Master Fisto, I started to try and kick for the surface, determined to find a means to breathe soon even though I knew that it was hopeless. We were too far away, even Master Fisto would not be able to swim fast enough, but still I had to try. I will not die having just given up, so I started to swim. Master Fisto grasped hold of my hand however, quickly pulling me back down which caused me to stare at him in alarm and confusion until his other hand came to rest against the side of my face, bringing my gaze to settle on his. "You must trust me."
He gave me no time to process his words or anything besides, instead he drew me closer and sealed our lips together in order to deliver me air which he breathed naturally underwater. All at once my head cleared and the burning ache in my chest was replaced with a golden bright relief and intense pleasure from being able to breathe again. The feeling was so incredible that my hands rose to grasp onto Master Fisto in a moment of weakness, taking in everything I could before I was at complete capacity and allowed myself to draw back. Our eyes met once more, and for a moment I sensed a tenderness from Master Fisto unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It was different because it was meant for me, and the feeling I sensed seemed to fill itself within me too, taking root in a manner which, after the first blissful moment of its presence, made me realise that this kind of feeling, the sense of attachment, was forbidden.
Letting go of him, I quickly closed myself off from all emotion, centring myself so that I was once more in balance and control as I bowed my head, thanking Master Fisto for coming to my rescue. "You are welcome Theca. Come, we must hurry now." This time Master Fisto offered me his hand which I only took after a moment of hesitation, feeling his fingers grip onto mine before drawing me in so that he could put his arm around me and together, we joined the people as they began to crowd around Prince Lee-Char, celebrating his victory.
Thankfully there was no need for me to go to the surface, as Commander Monnk was able to outfit me with a clone mask and oxygen tank, allowing me to breathe again. "Feel better sir?"
"Much better, thank you commander." I answered, though my voice now sounded different, slightly autotomized which was an odd sensation. "Master Fisto, thank you for your help. I would not have made it otherwise." Turning around in order to thank Master Fisto properly, he smiled to me and waved his hand.
"Call me Kit, Theca, and you are welcome." The same feeling of warmth and tenderness rose unbidden once more, the both of us looking at one another for a moment too long before we then turned away, each of us seemingly acknowledging the shift between us at the same moment. I swam away in order to find Ahsoka, but mostly I wanted an excuse to look occupied and busy as a means to distract myself from Master Fisto…Kit. Thankfully Ahsoka and everyone else was alright, and after we had destroyed the last of the Separatist army as well as that of Riff Tamson, we were able to proceed with the long awaited coronation of Prince Lee-Char.
I was outfitted with a new helmet and breathing gear for the ceremony so that I did not have to continue wearing the clone mask, returning it to the fallen soldier whom I helped to carry up to the transport ship along with the rest of our dead and wounded before returning in order to bear witness to the coronation of the prince, where he was made king before all his subjects, the Quarren proclaiming their loyalty. It made me sad to know that so many died for a conflict which was resolved in the manner it was meant to proceed from the very beginning, and as we entered hyperspace to return home to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple, I felt greatly conflicted over a number of things.
Laying down upon the bed in my quarters, I laced my fingers together over my stomach in order to think and puzzle to myself, however no matter how I tried, my thoughts would always return to the sensation of his mouth against my lips. Before I knew it, my hand had risen to touch my own mouth as if to recreate the imprint of his touch. For a moment I could recall the sensation of being underwater, floating weightless in his arms and breathing because of him. It was confusing, and I knew that I should not be feeling such motions, but all the same, it was a pleasant feeling to enjoy them in solace.
That is, until the object of my unbidden feelings appeared at my door and the alert chimed to tell me that he was asking permission to come inside. Rising to my feet I waved my hand to allow the door to slide open, and Master Fisto entered. "Theca…"
"Master Fisto, is there something the matter?"
"Not at all, I merely wished to see that you were alright. You were injured by Riff Tamson rather viciously." His hand reached out to me and his fingertips brushed against my jaw, a gentle caress which bordered upon intimate before he then corrected himself and drew the hand back. "Have you been to the medical bay at all?"
"No, I do not feel the need. I will be alright with rest. What about yourself? You had an injury right…here…" Raising my own hand I placed it against his left pectoral where he had injured by Tamson with deep looking claw mark. I had only meant to gesture to the injury, but when my hand made contact against him, now dressed once more in his Jedi attire, I was struck by the sudden memory of being pressed close to him. "Does it hurt at all? If anyone should go to the medical bay, then it should be you." Pulling my hand back, I cleared my throat lightly and took a step back, placing my hands behind my back and gripped onto them in order to keep myself.
"I am alright." He said with a smile, also placing his own hands behind him as if having a similar thought to myself. "I also came because I sensed you were in great distress. There is something weighing upon your mind, I wondered if I might be of some help."
"You would think me foolish if you were to know the conflict of my thoughts." Chuckling softly, Kit sat himself down to make himself comfortable and inclined for me to do the same, telling me that he would never think of me as foolish. Joining him, I sighed deeply as I rubbed my head. "I am simply troubled by my repeated involvement in the conflict. I feel that although I wish to remain neutral and refrain from engaging in violence, I have been forced to do so regardless. I have no qualms defending the innocent, but…I am confused. I do not know where I stand anymore." I truly did not know. Had I been in the wrong all along? Were my views completely delusional and I had no other choice but to fully enter into this war in order to help it end?
"I understand your complication. These times are dark indeed if one must question their beliefs, but you should not despair too greatly, Theca. Instead of despairing over confusion, try to take each day in turn. Act and live in the moment, and you will know how best to respond. It is no easy path seeking balance, and if you are uncertain in your path, in the right way, then trust in your instincts." Straightening up a little, my eyes flickered upwards to meet his, considering his words.
"Instincts are – admittedly – something I can follow well." Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes for a moment in order to restructure my thoughts, letting go of my concerns and cleansing my mind to let go of all my concerns and internal conflicts to return to serenity. Exhaling softly, I found myself relaxing into a peaceful state where I could, for now at least, let go of everything and focus upon the present moment. "Thank you, Master…Kit." Seeing his hand upon the table, I was suddenly visited with a strong urge to touch it.
I must have looked a little too long because after a moment, Kit lifted his hand a little closer and moved it so that our fingertips then touched one another. My lips tilted upwards, shifting my hand a little closer underneath his before I then allowed myself to look at him. "Kit, for what you did…you have to know that I am deeply grateful. You saved my life today. What I owe you, I don't know how I shall ever repay it."
"Do not say such things. You do not owe me anything. Besides, it was you who saved me first by pushing me out of range from that blast."
"But…"
"We must always protect those around us, and that includes other Jedi, Theca Rouyn. It was my pleasure to be of assistance." Our hands moved at the same time so now that his was resting completely over mine. Now realising the connection, Kit drew his hand back as I exhaled softly. "Theca…"
"It's alright." Interrupting him before he could be prompted to open a subject which only cause complications I chose to withdraw my hand from his so that we were separate once more. "I know." Rising to my feet, I moved around the desk in order to place my hand upon his shoulder, standing beside him in order to share one final moment of connection before letting him go completely. "It was just a moment."