Rufus heard a knock on the door and immediately knew who it was. Though he didn't want to admit it, he was eager to see her. He ran a hand through his hair right before opening the door to find a familiar pair of eyes staring back at him. His breath caught as he was taking in the sight of her. Lily was holding a bottle of wine, her hair was down and her black coat was form fitting. He was momentarily taken aback and he heard her clear her throat before getting a hold of himself.
"You just couldn't stay away, could you?" He decided he would tease her as he gave her his best corner grin.
"Actually, I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd stop by." She replied playing along. She couldn't deny how cute he was.
They were supposed to meet to fill out forms for a school trip that Dan and Serena were going on soon. They were both out on a date that night and had arranged for their parents to do the paperwork together as they had partnered up for the trip activities.
After sharing a long look decorated with small playful smiles, Rufus stepped aside to let her inside the loft. He took the bottle from her and after setting it down, proceeded to take her coat which was covered in melted snowflakes. When he slid it off of her he saw her shivering.
"Did the cold weather settle already? We're supposed to have a pretty big storm"
"Oh, it's freezing outside." He smiled remembering how she was always cold from back when they were younger.
She was wearing a tight, long-sleeved, light-grey sweater that complemented her form with a pair of jeans. Rufus didn't fail to notice how good she looked.
"Thanks for the bottle, Lil."
"Yes, well, after seeing your sad non-premium liquor, I thought it wouldn't hurt to have proper alcohol."
"You know, I happen to like my cheap liquor just fine." She chuckled at his comment.
"Either way, we'll need a drink to get through all this paperwork."
"You're right." He went into the kitchen to get glasses for the wine.
Lily walked up to the counter-bar and looked through the school documents they would be filling out shortly.
"So, Dan and Serena going on a trip together. They really are following a familiar path." He said going through the cupboards.
"It's with school, not in the back of a van with a rock band." She answered in her usual tone, hiding her amusement that Rufus could still pick up.
"They don't know what they're missing." He proceeded to open the wine bottle and serve it.
"I doubt they'd like having little to no personal space and sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress across the country."
"As much as you hate to admit it, you did." He smiled at her and she returned a complicit look while failing to fight a grin.
Rufus came around the counter with the glasses and motioned for her to sit on the bar stool where he sat next to her.
"Alright, so they'll be paring up for the activities, so we have to write the name of the partner and make sure that we put the same information about the itinerary down". Lily took a sip of her wine between sentences. "But, since they're not in the same room at the hotel, we'll have to mention it."
"They're not?"
"Rufus, do you really think they'd let a teenage girl and a teenage boy sleep in the same room?"
"That wouldn't have stopped us." He met her eyes for a moment before tearing his away while taking a sip of his wine.
"It's a good thing we met after high school, then." She didn't miss a beat. She had on a small grin and her look was her typical 'Lily' look of amusement and challenge, the one that made Rufus fall in love twenty years ago.
"We would have been terrible." He chuckled.
"We? You would have been the one to creep in my room as soon as the lights were off." She faked a serious expression that her smile betrayed.
"True, but you would have been the one making the night exciting by taking us somewhere else, like exploring the city or the roof." The far off look in his eyes was that of reminiscence. He was thinking back to the young unpredictable Lily that used to make his heart beat faster.
She held his gaze for a while, her own look reflecting the memories in her mind, before clearing her throat and getting the attention back to their task.
An hour or two went by during which they filled out most of the paperwork between glasses of wine. Outside, the storm was raging and you could hear the piercing sound of the wind through the windows. Their knees were slightly touching through the evening and neither wanted to move, surprised of the electricity that slight touch still ignited.
"More wine?" Rufus asked
"Oh yes." He chuckled at her desperation and grabbed the bottle to fill their glasses once more.
After sitting back down, the lights went suddenly off, making them bask in pitch darkness. Lily immediately reached for his hand and grabbed it out of habit in her state of shock and Rufus squeezed it right back, a force of habit as well, but to let her know he was there too.
"Looks like the power went out." He declared.
"You don't have a generator?" She shifted her hand out of his.
"This is Brooklyn, Lil, not the upper East side. And it's an old building."
"That's just great." She sarcastically responded.
"Help me find the candles?"
"Do I have a choice?" He chuckled at her annoyed tone that was the same as it was twenty years earlier.
"Come on." He led her through the dark appartement to a small closet that was used as a storage space. It was pitch dark, but Lily felt some boxes at her feet and heard Rufus searching through some of them.
"We usually keep them all in a box for thanksgiving and Christmas time." He said after not having any success in finding the candles. "They must be in one of the boxes on top of the shelf. I'll need your help to reach it."
"Me? Can't you use a small ladder or something?"
"Lil, I can barley see my own hands, I'm not about to fumble around in the dark at the risk of hurting myself. This'll be more efficient."
"How, Rufus?" She crossed her arms not liking where this was going.
"I'll hold you while you go through the boxes on the shelf."
"Absolutely not."
"Do you have a better idea?" There was a pause on her part.
"Fine. But you better not drop me."
"Have I ever?" He teased her referring to back when they were younger when he would easily lift her in his arms. She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see it.
She moved closer to him and he placed his hands on her waist while she put hers on his shoulders. For a moment, they were quiet, barely moving. The proximity made the air dense around them. It made both feel more than they expected, leaving them short of breath as their heart rates picked up.
"Jump on three." She nodded at his command. "One, two, three." Lily jumped as Rufus placed an arm around her back with his hand having a strong hold on her side where her rib cage was and the other arm under her butt while holding tight onto her hip to keep her up and steady. As she explored the inside of the boxes, Rufus became aware of the way he was holding her and couldn't help but notice how intimate the position they were in was, which wouldn't have been intimate with anyone else. He realized how familiar it felt to touch her and hold her, all the while being aware that it was a bit much given their current relationship to each other, since between them, even the slightest of touches wasn't innocent. He was momentarily taken back to the times where he'd just finished a gig and he would run up to where Lily was standing backstage waiting for him as he would lift her in his arms in a burst of love heightened by the adrenaline of the show and kiss her fiercely. Or other times when they were in the heat of the action and he would lift her up before reaching the bed as she circled his waist with her legs. He tried to shake those thoughts out of his mind, because they just made him feel nostalgic and because he didn't think it was appropriate right now.
"You found them?" He asked.
"Hold on." He heard her going through stuff. "Yes, I have them."
"Alright, I'm letting you down." He lowered her, carefully, until she reached the ground. He let his hands slide to her hips, lingering there, making sure she was steady before taking the box she was holding from her.
Lily had been so focused on finding the damn candles in the dark, she hadn't even payed attention to the way he had been holding her. She hadn't been aware of his touch, but surprised herself by instantly missing it when he pulled away. She was glad it was dark so he couldn't see how flustered she was. He had touched her and held her so many times in the past, yet this time it held a strange feeling like they weren't supposed to feel this intense electricity between them, mixed with nostalgia.
"Now that that's settled, I should probably get going." She said softly when she had taken a hold of herself.
"Right. I'll walk you out, it must be pretty dark to get to the lobby." They exited the closet as Rufus put the candles box down on the counter while Lily grabbed her coat and purse and they headed downstairs.
There was some people gathered and talking in the lobby which was unusual at this hour, but understandable given the power outage. There was a janitor and someone else working for the building near the door.
Rufus and Lily said their goodbyes and she got ready to call her car service.
"Take care, Lil. Be careful." He told her as she headed towards the door. He had always made sure she was safe, even when they were young which Lily used to get annoyed at while secretly loving it.
"Goodnight, Rufus." She went to open the door but was surprised when it didn't.
"Ma'am, those doors are electric and because of the power outage, nobody can get in, nobody can get out." The landlord and janitor rushed to her.
"But, I don't live here." She seriously answered in her upper east side entitled manner.
"You can use the fire escapes in case of an emergency. It should be resolved tomorrow morning, the whole city is out of power. In the meantime, I suggest you get ready for a long night, it's gonna be a cold one."
"Rufus?" She was shocked and looked to him for answers.
"Come on Lil, there's nothing we can do." He nudged her to come back. They got to the loft and called their kids to make sure they were alright. They had all headed to the Van der Woodsen's room at the Palace where there was a generator, so they were all safe.
"I can't believe this." Lily had her fingers to her forehead, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Well, at least the kids are somewhere warm and comfortable." He tried.
"Yes, but I'm not."
"Always a pleasure to have you here, Lil." He responded sarcastically although he couldn't deny how cute she was when she was like this. "Don't think I'm enjoying this any more than you are." Her spoiled upbringing was one side of her he had always had to deal with when they were young. It sometimes led to arguments, other times to her having her values challenged, but either way he wouldn't have changed anything about her. "It's just for tonight, Lil." She smiled a little at him and their eyes met in a real, profound way. The lighting of the candles illuminated their faces at the flames' rhythm. She was so beautiful, Rufus thought, unable to keep himself from thinking it.
"We should get some sleep." She broke the silence.
"Alright, you can use Jenny's bed and I think she has some pyjamas in her closet."
"As flattering as it is that you think I can fit in a fourteen year old girl's nightwear, I'm gonna need something else." Rufus thought for a moment.
"I might have something for you." He disappeared into his room and came back with a folded piece of clothing that he handed to her.
"One of your old flannels?" She raised an eyebrow, her tone filled with judgment and disdain.
"Just like old times." He smiled and she couldn't help her chuckle. "I don't think I ever saw you sleeping in anything else...unless we weren't sleeping in anything at all." He looked at her with a boyish grin and she rolled her eyes unable to stop her own grin from taking over her face. "Well, I'll be in my room if you need anything. It's gonna get cold so feel free to join me if ever you need to keep warm." He winked just to hear that laugh of hers that he still loved so much, which worked.
"I think I'll manage, but thank you." They stared at each other for a moment, smiling under the candle light. "Goodnight, Rufus."
"Goodnight, Lil."
She walked into Jenny's room to get ready for bed. The cold had already settled in and she shivered. She undressed quickly to put on Rufus's flannel, thinking back to his comment. It was true, she did only wear his shirts to bed every night when they were together so tonight, it felt familiar. She hated not having her beauty products, her creams, her face wash, her hairbrush, her bed, her comfort. But part of her also enjoyed being close to Rufus, though she wouldn't admit it. Maybe she was just tired. When she got into bed though, she smiled thinking about this whole evening with him. She couldn't believe the effect he still had on her. They always managed to have fun together, even now that they were older. Their chemistry was just beyond comprehension.
The bedsheets were cold against her skin and she hoped she would fall asleep quickly. She tried. Her body was all curled up, trying to generate some heat somehow. She even hoped she would succumb to sleep by running out of energy in trying to keep a normal temperature. Nothing. It was impossible to give in to her tiredness in this freezing environment that kept on cooling down even more. She fought it as best as she could until she couldn't take it anymore and got out of bed. Lily made her way through the loft gently, her bare feet against the coolness of the floor, trying to be subtle. She got to Rufus's room and entered, peeking to see if he was asleep, but it was too dark for her to see anything.
"Lil?"
"Rufus! You aren't sleeping?" She was surprised when she heard him call out her name, but relieved he was awake.
"I'm trying to, but it's terribly cold. Is everything alright?"
"Oh yes, it's just uh..." She bit her lip as she moved closer to the bed. "Please don't make a big deal out of this, this is not something I'm actually looking for, but I'm freezing and I was wondering if I could..." She let the sentence hang in the air, unable to finish it.
"Get in bed with me?" He smiled, teasing her.
"Well, I wouldn't say it like that, but yes." She rolled her eyes.
"I'd like to hear you say it."
"Don't try to be cute, Humphrey."
"Alright, get in here." She climbed into the bed and hurried to get under the covers.
They both lay on their backs, keeping a safe distance between them, while secretly craving the other's body warmth. They were silent, processing what was happening, digesting the fact that they were sharing a bed, once again. They were clueless as to how to act in their situation, not wanting to overstep a boundary. Their relationship was friendly but still not close, even though they used to be.
Lily shivered which Rufus noticed and she instinctively moved closer to him, lying on her side, facing him while still not touching him. She wanted to feel his arms around her to keep her warm but she tried not to think about it too much. That's what he used to do when they were young and she was scared of how she would react to his touch. She was scared of the effect he still had on her. Even now, barely touching, she still felt this electricity like she was nineteen again.
As much as Rufus didn't want to admit it, he wanted to hold her and keep her warm. It was painful to have her so close to him and yet not being able to touch her. He usually was good at keeping his emotions in check and not let himself go down the road of nostalgia and 'what if's'. But if he was honest with himself, he never got over Lily. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind when he saw she was still cold and decided to put his feelings away to be there for her.
"Lil, do you... want to get closer? I can tell you're still freezing."
"Is it that obvious?"
"Well, I have known you for over twenty years, so I do know you better than anyone" Since she didn't respond, he didn't know if he should move, but he did so anyway, turning on his side to face her.
Their faces were just centimetres apart. So were their bodies.
"Rufus, I came here for warmth, out of convenience, not for-"
She didn't have time to finish that she felt his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. Their bodies connected and exchanged heat that rose with the contact. She relaxed as she instantly felt his warmth. Lily always felt safe in his arms and tonight was no different. She was always able to let her guards down with him and, in that moment, she secretly enjoyed the proximity. He was the only man that made her feel the way he did, free, less in control of herself, wild. He was the only one that meant that much to her and held such a special and important place for her. So, being that close to him, again, destabilized her and comforted her all at once. Her head was buried in his neck and she had both hands on his chest. She moved an arm to allow her body to get even closer to his.
Rufus smiled to himself when he felt her move in his arms to bring herself even closer to him.
"How's that?" He inquired, teasing her and curious to hear her response.
"Convenient, I suppose." Her stern answer made him laugh
"Why can't you just admit that it's better?"
"Fine, Rufus, I'm finally warming up, are you happy?"
"Very" He had on the kind of grin he hadn't had in a while, a genuine and big smile.
His arm was around her, his hand moving up and down her back to warm her up. She still fit perfectly in his embrace. Holding her like this and having her hold onto him too was something he longed for, for a long time, in the past, but never thought would actually happen again. It felt all too familiar. He stopped his hand movement and let his hand rest on her back. He looked down at her and felt a warmth that wasn't just physical. He felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. She always surprised him and always had a way of making him crave more. More of her, more of her spontaneity, her complexity, her way of avoiding to show emotions yet failing to do so around him. She always had a way of making him want to chase after her. Being around her always made him realize what was truly important and the rest all faded away.
He loved having her close to him. She was magnetic and he still was unbelievably attracted to her, always had been. It felt so good to have her in his arms, to have her body next to him. She always had been much smaller than him which made it easy for him to pull her closer and keep her petite frame against his bigger body. He always loved her figure, her hips, her blond hair, her confidence, her desire for control...everything about her mesmerized him.
When he was holding her, she was truly herself, she let the front that she put up in public fall and she let herself be a little more vulnerable which Rufus loved. He loved being the only person she allowed to see all of her.
"This brings back memories" he broke the silence.
"It does." Lily pulled away -just a little- to face him and bring her head on the pillow with his while still having her body tangled with his.
They had been in bed together countless times in the past, they had spend every night as close to each other as possible in the small bed of the van or in a sketchy inn or motel on the road.
"Do you remember one of those long drives at night on the road going from one destination to the other, we were like...going through the Midwest and how it was freezing" his voice was calm, filled with nostalgia. He was smiling and his hand was moving between Lily's lower back and her hips.
"Yes! Tom was driving and we couldn't sleep" she excitedly recalled, enjoying the intimacy.
"Yeah, so we did...other stuff" he grinned from ear to ear and chuckled while remembering their hot sex from that night. Lily was glad he couldn't see her blush.
"And except for him, you all had been drinking whisky to keep warm and you made me take it!"
"I didn't make you, I suggested it because I knew it'd warm you up!"
"Well, it just made us drunk"
Once they had stopped laughing and got a hold of themselves, they comfortably basked in the silence and the darkness of the room, completely at ease with each other. If it hadn't been so dark, they would've seen the sparkle in their eyes from thinking about the wilder days and their younger selves. There was also a little hurt at the thought of those good times they once shared, but mostly at the though of how good they were together and how it was all long gone.
"We should get some sleep." Lily whispered. Their faces were so close they could feel the other one's breath on their skin.
"Good idea." His voice was low. Neither of them were moving. The air was thick and filled with unspoken thoughts. The feelings they had for each other had never went away, they were just pushed down, but in this moment they had resurfaced to their proper state.
They were each other's weakness and resisting to the temptation was getting harder by the second.
Lily felt her strength escape her in the way only he could make happen. She gathered the small amount she had left and reluctantly turned around in his embrace, her back towards him. For some miracle, her reason got the best of her.
Rufus was glad she did so, knowing he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from crossing a line. In those few instants where they almost shared more than lust filled looks, he was drawn to her like he always was, always had been.
Lily kept somewhat of a proximity, but Rufus was the one to close the gap between them from behind her, cuddling up to her. He rested a hand on her waist, not knowing what to do with himself in this position.
"Is this alright?" He asked not wanting to overstep a boundary.
He didn't hear a reply, but just felt her hand grab a hold of his arm and secure it around her midsection. Rufus smiled as he held tighter onto her. In a sudden burst of love he kissed her shoulder from behind before he could stop himself.
"Sorry, old habit." He froze, embarrassed and afraid of having made her uncomfortable. Instead he heard a small chuckle.
"Good night, Rufus." He could tell she was smiling from the way she answered.
Note : The episode where Rufus talks about how Lily is unpredictable and how that was exciting to him when he was young is "Valley Girls" (one of my favourites, can you believe we were robbed of a spin off series about Lily in the 80s hanging around the underground rock scene and a young Rufly storyline? I probably won't ever get over it