(Season 5)

A/N: this story is AU.

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I don't own Bones.

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He was so nervous he was sweating. Standing outside the hospital room, Edwin took a few deep breaths and tried to calm his nerves before he entered the room. He was taking a big step and he needed to be calm enough to do it. As prepared as he would ever be, he knocked on the door, opened it and stepped inside the room.

A little groggy from a long afternoon nap, Booth blinked his eyes and tried to focus on the man standing inside the doorway. "Yeah, what do you want?"

Not really surprised that his son didn't recognize him, Edwin moved a little closer to the bed, but not too close. He didn't want to appear intimidating to the man lying in bed. After he cleared his throat, he decided to get on with he had come to do. "Hi, Seeley. I know you don't recognize me, it's been a long time, but I'm your father. I'm Edwin Booth."

Shocked, Booth stared at the man and saw a stranger. Edwin was dressed in an old-fashioned blue suit. His black leather shoes had seen better days, his white shirt seemed new and he'd had a recent haircut. If the man hadn't told him who he was, he wouldn't have known he was Edwin Joseph Booth. "What do you want?" He didn't know why his father was in his room, but he didn't really care.

"I heard you were sick, Seeley." Edwin didn't move closer towards his son. The last thing he wanted to do was scare his son. "I talk to Dad sometimes and he told me that you had a brain tumor. He said you got through the surgery fine, but you had trouble with the anesthesia and you were out of it for a few days . . . I'm glad that you're getting better . . . You are, aren't you?"

Not sure what to make of what was happening, Booth glared at the man and tried to keep his temper in check. "What do you want?" He refused to call him father or Dad and he wanted the man to leave as soon as possible.

"Yeah . . . Um, see I'm in the program. I joined AA about two months ago." Edwin had already made up his mind he was going to be as honest as possible with his son. No lies, no excuses. "I'm trying to give up the booze and part of the program is to make direct amends to the people we've harmed in our lives. What I did to you when I was drunk was terrible, unspeakable and I want you to know that I regret what I did. I was out of control and I took that out on you and your mother. I'm so sorry."

"Terrible? Unspeakable?" Booth wanted to get out of bed and hit the man in front of him, but he was still weak and he'd just make a fool of himself if he fell on the floor. "You beat Mom so badly, you were so out of control that you threw her down some stairs and she had to be taken to the hospital. She never came back. She ran a way leaving me and Jared with you . . . You beat the hell out of me everyday and it got to the point that I was going to kill myself you son-of-a-bitch. I was nine years old and I was going to kill myself to get away from you. The only thing that stopped me was Pops rescuing me and Jared." His voice was rising and almost out of control. "You beat your sons without mercy and the day Pops saved me from you, you were chocking me. You were trying to kill me, you bastard."

A nurse popped into the room and exclaimed. "What is going on in here? Do I need to call security and remove your visitor? You can't let yourself get this excited, Mr. Booth." The monitor next to Booth was showing elevated blood pressure and heart rate. "Do you want your visitor to leave?"

Suddenly calm, Booth shook his head. "No . . . No, it's okay." He stared at his father and saw that he was crying. Crying, what the hell does he have to cry about? "Thank you, nurse. It won't happen again."

Once the nurse was gone, Booth shook his head. "What did you expect me to say? You made my life a living hell. I was just a kid, a little kid and you beat me without mercy . . . How do you make amends for that? How do you make amends for trying to murder me? How do plan to make amends to Mom for what you did to her? You almost killed her . . . Well?"

He had known this was going to be hard, but he had to do what was right and that meant facing his oldest child. "I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what I did. I can't turn back the clock and fix what I did. It's taken me years to fix me and the only reason why I finally quit drinking is because I have liver cancer. I'm being treated, but I may have five years at the most, but more like two or three years. I didn't want to die and not let you know that I know what I did was evil to you and your mother. I know that I took my failures out on you. You didn't do anything to deserve how you were treated. Nothing at all. I was angry at the world and I took that anger out on you." Edwin wiped the tears from his face with his hand. "I know you hate me and you have a right to do that, every right under the sun, but you needed to know that you weren't to blame for what I did. You were a good kid and you didn't deserve what happened to you."

The quiet in the room stretched out for a few minutes until Booth finally spoke. "So, you're dying and now you're sorry. Great . . . just great." He shook his head. "You're not my father. Just so you know, when people ask about my father, I talk about Pops. He was my father. He is my father. You were just the bastard that helped make me. I have a friend that would call you the sperm donor and she'd be right. My father is Henry Joseph Booth. You're no one to me. No one at all."

Since there was nothing else to be gained by staying, Edwin nodded his head and stepped back towards the door. Before he left, he paused and turned to look at his son. "Don't let what I did to you let you keep hate in your heart. It's self-destructive. Don't let the bad things done to you make you hate the world. That's what I did and you know what I became. Don't accept wrongs done to you. Take care of them and then move on. I wish I had done that, but I was weak and a coward. Dad has told me about your military career and your FBI career. I know for a fact you are neither weak nor a coward. I am proud of you. I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm glad to see that you became a man of strength and a good man. Good-bye, Seeley. I wish you well and I hope this setback you had isn't permanent."

Once his father was out of the room, Booth placed his hands over his eyes and wept. He wasn't sure why he was crying, but he let it happen. He knew that sometimes you need to cry even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

After the tears stopped, Booth wiped his eyes with a tissue he pulled from a box on the nightstand. Staring at the ceiling he thought about how he had loved his father so much when he had been a child and how he had been desperate for his father to return his love. That love had died with each fist connecting to his flesh and all that was left was hate. His father was right about one thing, he needed to let the hate go. His father took up too much room in his head.

He hadn't seen his father in years and he knew he'd never see him again. There was too much past and not enough future. He had allowed himself to weep for a man that he hated but loved too. He had told Edwin the truth when he had told him that he didn't consider him his father. Pops was the father he had needed and wanted and he thanked God every day to protect and keep his grandfather safe from harm.

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