A/N: As promised, we get to sit in on some of Stephanie's counseling sessions. We'll be going back and forward in time on this one.

Session One

"Okay, I'll call you when I'm done," I told Katie as she pulled up to the curb in front of the psychologist's office.

"No problem. I think we'll go walk around Target," Katie replied. As if she needed an excuse to go to Target. Stella would probably come home with a bunch of new clothes and toys. That's what usually happened whenever she and Katie went shopping together.

After a few weeks of Katie telling me that I needed more counseling, I had decided to go ahead and do it so that I could shut her up. I looked up the psychologist who had worked with me at the rehab center and found he had a private practice in town. I had set up an appointment and had been instructed to fill out a packet of information online prior to the first appointment.

Dr. Steven Bader was a nice-looking man in his late fifties. He had black hair and blues eyes and reminded me of Gabriel Byrne. He had a slight accent that I had learned from a result of growing up in the Netherlands. He had worked with me in the rehab center after I had tried to kill myself in order to help me get out of the mindset that got in the way of getting better. I had really liked him and felt like we were a good match.

"Stephanie, it's nice to see you again," he said as he led me to his office. "I believe you are the first person that I've worked with at the rehab center who has come to see me in my private practice."

"Really?" I said, taking a seat on the brown suede couch he indicated in his bright, spacious office. "I figured lots of people followed you."

He shook his head. "I think most people associate me with the worst time of their life and if they want to continue counseling, they tend to look elsewhere."

Once he sat down he reminded me of the privacy rights I had, but also the exceptions. I told him I understood, and he seemed satisfied. He picked up an iPad and began swiping. "I have the intake packet you fill out here," he said, indicating the iPad. "You wrote that your reason for coming here today is to figure out your life. Can you elaborate on that a little?"

I fidgeted a little to get comfortable while trying to figure out how to explain it. "My friend Katie keeps telling me that I'm sabotaging my relationships, which she was already telling me that before the accident, and that I need to get it figured. Well, her exact words were that I need to get my head out of my ass, but it's basically the same thing."

Dr Bader nodded. "Okay, are there any specific relationships being referenced here or is that a generalization of all your relationships?"

I thought about it for a moment. "She's referring specifically to my relationships with my mother and my ex-boyfriend, who is the father of my daughter. I would say those are the biggest issues, but maybe all my relationships to a degree."

Dr Bader nodded and used an Apple pencil to start taking notes on the iPad. "Okay, so what I want to do today is get a more detailed history on you. I had some when I worked with you at the rehab center and I reviewed that before you came in today, but what had I was limited more to your medical history and recent history after you moved to Indiana. I want to go look more deeply at your life growing up, family dynamics, and your time before you moved to Fort Wayne. That will help me get a better idea of how we might move forward to meet your goals. Why don't you start by telling me about your childhood? Who did you live with? What were your relationships like with them?"

Oh boy. He was going deep right away. "Well, I lived with my parents and my older sister, Valerie. We were a typical middle-class family, I'd say. My father worked for the post office and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. My sister is two years older than me and was always the perfect child whereas I was more of the troublemaker."

"How were you a troublemaker?"

I shrugged, trying to dredge up all the things my mother and the other mothers of the Burg used to pressure me about. "I was always lost in my imagination. I dreamed of being Wonder Woman and jumped off the garage roof when I was six because I wanted to fly and broke my arm. I was the kid who was always asking questions and contradicting people. I wasn't coordinated enough for sports, didn't really have the talent for an instrument. I just kind of got by the best I could. I did some small stuff like sneaking out of the house when I was a teenager and hanging out with the boys that my mother always told me to stay away from. But never anything major. I never got arrested or kicked out of school."

"That doesn't sound like a troublemaker to me," Dr. Bader observed. "That sounds like a strong, independent-minded young girl. There's nothing wrong with that."

I gave a short laugh. "Not in the Burg. That's the neighborhood in Trenton where I grew up. Very traditional, very Catholic. When I was growing up it was still expected that you'd marry a nice boy, settle down, have some kids, and always have a coffee cake ready in case company stops by. My sister has been that person. She had a brief lapse when her first husband left her, but she has since remarried and had two more kids, so she's back to angelic perfection in our mother's eyes."

"So you believe your mother sees your sister as perfect. How do you think she feels about you?"

"I'm the screw-up. I've always been an embarrassment to her," I explained. "I was married briefly to a lawyer in my mid-twenties, but that ended after eight months because I found him having sex with someone on our dining room table. After I kicked him out, I learned he had been cheating on me the entire time we had been together. She hated the job I had before I left Trenton and was always asking why her daughter had to be the one people talked about."

I waited while Dr. Bader wrote. I wasn't sure how much I should take while he took notes. Could he keep up?

"Let's go back to your divorce for a minute. What was your mother's reaction when she learned you had kicked your husband out?"

"She asked why I couldn't try to work things out. She said lots of husbands had been messing around on their wives, but the women just didn't think about it. She kept going on about how they hadn't even paid off their credit card from the wedding. It was never about what he did. Somehow it felt like she was blaming me for her embarrassment," I said. I could feel my throat start to tighten and my vision got blurry.

"And what about your job? You said she disapproved of it," Dr Bader asked, reaching for a box of tissues and handing them to me. I took them and took one out.

"Before my divorce I was a lingerie buyer for a department store. It was a good job and I had been there several years before they went bankrupt and shut down. I couldn't find a job and ended up sort of blackmailing my cousin into letting me do bond enforcement at his bail bonds office. I was desperate for money at the time, so I was willing to take anything. And I ended up doing it for a few years. I wasn't great at it. I was always getting into some sort of trouble. I'd gotten kidnapped a few times and a few people even tried to kill me. There were regular break-ins at my apartment, it was even set on fire a couple of times. And I was always losing cars. Like constantly. They would get stolen, set on fire, crashed. It was ridiculous."

I stopped talking when I saw the look on his face. "Stephanie," he said, putting the iPad down on his desk. "Do you hear what you're saying to me right now? You were kidnapped and people attempted to kill you multiple times in the few years you did this job. That's a lot to deal with. Did you ever go to counseling after those events?"

I shook my head. "No, I just kept moving on. I'm not really the introspective type. I'm more the bury my head in the sand type."

Dr. Bader nodded in agreement. "I would have to agree with that. Have you ever considered that the past trauma you experienced could be playing a role in the way you handle relationships?"

I hadn't really considered it. "Um, no? Again, not really the type to go very deep in here," I said, pointing to my head.

He picked up the iPad again and continued his notes. "I can see where your mother would be concerned about you in that job, though it doesn't sound like she expressed that concern in a healthy, productive way. Why did you stay with the job? I have to admit it sounds awful."

"I honestly don't know," I told him. "It made everyone crazy. My boyfriend at the time was a police officer and hated it. We broke up constantly because of it."

"Is this the ex-boyfriend who is the father to your child?"

"No, my daughter's father is named Carlos, though I call him Ranger. That ex-boyfriend who was the cop was named Joe. We had grown up together and dated off-and-on before Ranger and I got together."

Dr Bader made more notes. "Tell me about your history with Ranger."

"We met when I started in bond enforcement. He was doing the same job, only he was actually good at it and took on the high bonds because he was building capital for the company he now owns. He works in private security. Anyway, the office manager had introduced me to him so that I could learn the ropes, since I knew absolutely nothing. He took pity on me and showed me how to do it. We became friends, and then we started sleeping together on occasion. It was usually when I was broken up with Joe. But he had always made it clear he wasn't a permanent option. Marriage and kids weren't in the books for him, so I tended to go back to Joe because I thought it was more likely that I would have that with him someday."

"But at some point you and Joe broke up and you ended up with Ranger?"

I nodded. "Joe and I had gotten engaged, but I broke it off. I had known for a long time I was in love with both of them, but once we were actually planning to get married, I realized I was definitely more in love with Ranger. It wouldn't have been fair to Joe to get married. After I broke it off, I went to Ranger and spilled my guts. I hadn't ever really told him how I felt because I knew he didn't want the same things I wanted. It surprised me when he said he wanted to be with me and asked me to move in with him."

"How long were you together?"

"Ten months. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't everything I wanted it to be either." I hesitated and then said something I had never told anyone. "I left one day, but I can't really remember what happened. I just know it was bad. The neurologist told me I'd probably have some memory loss and this seems to be one of those things. I can remember it kind of like I heard a fact somewhere once, but have no recollection of who said it, where I heard it, or when. Does that make sense?" I asked.

Dr. Bader nodded and leaned back in his seat. "Oh yes. Many people with memory loss experience something similar. Tell me what you know or can recall about why you left."

"I know I left because he didn't want to marry me. I wonder if I suspected I was pregnant but knowing me didn't want to actually face it. Anyway, I know I felt angry and hurt and out of control. I told him to stay away or leave me alone. Something like that. I can remember slamming the door to his apartment when I left and going down the stairs instead of waiting on the elevator. I think there was a lot more in there, but I can't remember."

"That's okay, Stephanie. You can only do your best. How did Ranger react when he learned you were pregnant?" Dr. Bader asked.

I looked down at the balled-up tissue in my hand as I answered the next question. "I don't know. He didn't find out about her until my accident. Katie had his information in case anything ever happened to me, so she had to call him and tell him so that he could come out here." My voice had trailed off to a whisper towards the end.

Dr. Bader didn't say anything for a minute. "That bothers you," he observed. I nodded and started to cry.

"I should have told him from the beginning, but I was so–," I couldn't find the words to express myself. "I'd left Trenton heartbroken because the man I loved didn't want to marry me. I didn't want him to just throw money at me and visit when I asked him like he does with his other daughter. At first, I thought maybe it was better for Stella to not have him around at all rather than knowing about him and that he wasn't interested. I had almost decided to tell her he was dead but felt terrible about that idea. Then I told myself I would tell him after I got over him, which I didn't do. Katie called me out on it about a month before my accident. I had decided that I would tell him at the beginning of this year, but then everything happened. But he came out here and lived for six months and took care of her and did everything right. I think I resented him for it, so when I got released, I made him go back to Trenton and told him we needed to get used to being on our own again for a while before he starts visiting regularly. He got mad at me but apologized. He just wants me to come back to Trenton and be together with Stella."

I blew my nose and took another tissue to wipe my eyes. Dr. Bader sat patiently and let me pull myself together.

"Talk to me about his relationship with his other daughter. You said you didn't want Stella to have the same relationship with him."

I told him about Julie, Rachel and Ron, and all about her being kidnapped by a lunatic trying to take over Ranger's life. And about getting myself kidnapped in the process to help get her back. I could tell he was trying to keep his expression neutral, but that what I was telling him was probably making him wonder just how fucked up I was.

"So essentially what you have done is created the type of relationship that you didn't want him to have with her," Dr. Bader observed. "You pushed him away, he sends child support, and he can visit when you invite him."

"Um," I said, absolutely floored by that statement. Shit.

"We only have a few minutes left," he said while I grappled with the grenade he had just tossed at my feet. "But one thing I've noticed today that you haven't talked about is your relationship with your father. Tell me about that."

It was a weird question considering everything I had just told him, and I was still reeling from the last thing he said. "Uh, he's a good man. He keeps to himself. He's not really the type to say I love you or hug you, but he shows it by doing things for you or making sure you have what you need. I know he's there if I need him."

"Hm," Dr. Bader said, watching me closely. "From what you told me about Ranger's relationship with Julie it sounds like he sounds like the kind of person who shows his love through actions. Would you say that's a fair assessment?"

I nodded. "Definitely."

"Did you ever think about how much like your own father that is?"

My eyes widened and I'm sure I sat there looking ridiculous for a minute. "No, I hadn't. Do you think that means I'm in love with my father?"

"Oh, no," Dr. Bader said with a small laugh. "I'm no Freudian. But sometimes we are drawn to people who have similar traits to those we grew up trusting, like parents. Perhaps that played a role in what drew you to him, then what led to your choice not to tell him about Stella? Because you want him to be a different father to her than your father was to you."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe? I hadn't ever thought about it like that."

"That's going to be your homework between now and our next session," Dr. Bader said, taking a notepad from his desk and writing something on it. "I want you to write a little bit each day about your relationship with your father and then I want you to write about Stella's relationship with her father. I'd like you to do what is called stream of consciousness journaling. It means you quite literally write down what is going through your head without filtering it. Then you go back and read it to see patterns. Bring it with you when you come to your next appointment."

He set me up with an appointment two-and-a-half weeks later, saying he knew I was still doing a lot of outpatient rehabilitation and didn't want to overwhelm me. I left the office with my homework and whole hell of a lot to think about.

Session Three

"How did the homework go?" Dr. Bader asked as we started our third session. I hadn't done much of the homework he had assigned me the first session, so he had asked me to work on it some more after our second session.

"It was interesting," I said, handing him the notebook I had written in. "There's practically a novel in there."

He chuckled and put the notebook in his lap. "Tell me what you observed in your writing." Why couldn't he just read it? I put a lot of work into that.

I cracked my neck like I was about to go into a strenuous physical activity. "Well, you were right that I definitely was thinking about my life and my own father growing up and what I wanted for Stella. I guess I wanted my father to stand up to my mother and defend me, but he never did. Not even when she basically disowned me."

Dr. Bader looked surprised. "You haven't mentioned that. When did that happen?"

"After I broke up with Joe. She said some awful things and didn't speak to me. I refused to have anything to do with her after that. It was the last straw for me. But it also made me realize that I think that's where I get my desire to avoid the problems in my life. I just keep my head down and keep moving forward like him."

"That's a good observation, Stephanie," Dr. Bader said. "How do you feel Ranger and Stella's relationship is going?"

"Oh, it's great," I said. "He adores her and when he was here, he did everything right. She loves him and was a mess when he left. They talk on Facetime every night. He wouldn't stand by and let her be treated the way I was by my mother. He'd probably throw them through a window."

"Good, so it sounds like they bonded pretty well given the late start to their relationship. How are things you and Ranger when he calls?"

I grimaced. Why did he always have to ask about the stuff I didn't want to talk about? "I haven't talked to him since he left."

"Why?"

I slouched in my seat, feeling suddenly like a teenager. "Because I know he wants me to come back to Trenton and I need to get over him. I've been trying for four years and not having much luck with it. I'm hoping some distance after all this stuff will help."

"Has it?"

I shook my head. "No, because I see him being all the things I wanted him to be and it's both amazing and aggravating at the same time. Does that make sense?"

Dr. Bader nodded. "Sure. You had wanted him to be those things in the past, but he either couldn't or wouldn't, but after you nearly die, he finds himself able to do it. What if he were willing to live in Indiana? Would that change the situation for you?"

I groaned and put my head in my hands. "Have you been talking to him or something?"

Dr. Bader chuckled. "No, but I think I struck a nerve there."

"When I told him that he needed to be out two weeks after I got out of the hospital, he suggested buying a house nearby so that he could help out and see her every day, but I told him no and to go back to New Jersey. Like I said, I need space from him so I can try to get over him."

"But you had almost four years of no contact with him and that didn't seem to help. What are the criteria you consider important for seeing yourself as 'over him'?"

I thought about it for a minute. "I guess I wouldn't feel the things I feel whenever I think about him or see him."

"What are those feelings?"

"I still love him. I never stopped, even though I tried. I miss being with him and how he made me feel."

"And how was that?"

Why did I have to cry in here so much? I took the initiative with the tissue box this time and took one. "He never seemed embarrassed by me. He trusted me to make my own choices. He always had my back, even if he didn't agree with what I was doing. He encouraged me. He's still doing it even after everything I've done."

Dr. Bader's eyes were always so kind whenever I got upset. It felt strange to have a man look at me without rolling his eyes or panicking if I started to cry. The only other man I knew like that was Ranger. "Those are important qualities in a partner, especially growing up with a mother who was highly critical and a father who didn't stand up for you. So why don't you think you can be together?"

"He's a workaholic," I said, taking a clean tissue to wipe my nose. "Even though I know he had to change when he came out here, I still think it was a fluke. When we were together, I knew he cared about me, but I always felt a little like I was interfering in something. Like I was keeping him away from work when I wanted to spend time with him. He never said that, but I could always feel him wanting to get back to his office."

He took a few minutes to read skim through my notebook and would point out certain things he thought were important. We then spent twenty minutes talking about Ranger's work and I told him all about Rangeman. We talked more about my time as a bounty hunter and Ranger's involvement.

"You said you didn't know why you stayed in the bond enforcement job for so long when it was clearly a miserable position, but I would like to make a couple of observations and see what your thoughts are," Dr. Bader said. I could tell he was about to do something deep whenever he put the iPad aside. "I've wondered if there weren't two unconscious reasons you stayed. The first being that it seemed to justify your mother's criticisms of you. At least the things she complained about had some validity because you were constantly in danger. And the second is that it was your connection to Ranger. For a while, it was the only way you knew him. Once he left bond enforcement and stayed strictly in private security, it allowed you to have a reason to go to him. He doesn't sound like the type of person who maintains friendships easily, so you wanted an excuse to keep seeing him."

"You forgot about not having to wear a uniform and making my own hours," I pointed out. "Those were big reasons." Look at me deflecting stuff I don't want to face.

He nodded seriously. "I get that. Why do you think I do this job?"

I snorted. He could be funny even when he was cutting me open to see all my secrets.

"I think you might be onto something with that," I said, deciding he wanted a real answer. "Especially with Ranger. I'm not sure about the stuff with my mother. But maybe."

"Like I said, they are just observations," he replied. "I'm not expecting to bat one-thousand."

Conversation went back to my mother again and we spent the rest of the time talking about her.

"Homework time," Dr. Bader announced when the fifty minutes was up. "I would encourage you to think about why you don't want to go back to Trenton, and I don't want those reasons to have anything to do with Ranger."

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"Because I think there's a lot you aren't looking at. Some of it stems from your mother, but there's more."

I took my homework and headed out. This one might not be as successful as the last homework I got.

Session Five

"Are you and Ranger still maintaining communication?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's actually going pretty well. I know he still wants to be together, but he hasn't been mentioning me coming back to Trenton as much since I told him all those reasons why I didn't want to go back. He gets it because he grew up in a similar neighborhood in Newark, but at the same time he tells me that I shouldn't let what other people think get to me."

"It's difficult to break those patterns when we grow up with them," Dr. Bader commented. "It's even harder when we don't realize we are engaging in it."

I had come to the hard realization in the previous session that despite always telling myself I didn't care what other people thought, it turned out I really, really did. I made Katie promise to tell me if I ever started sounding like my mother and if that day were to come, she had strict orders to suffocate me with a pillow.

"We definitely decided he's going to come out to Indiana on the Friday before his birthday to pick her up and then he'll bring her back the following Wednesday. They are spending that Sunday at his sister's house so his whole family can meet her. She's so excited. We have to count down the days every morning when she wakes up and then she counts them with him again at night when they talk. He doesn't show it, but I'm pretty sure he is just as excited as she is."

"How are you feeling about seeing him again? And her being away from you for a few days?"

I shifted in my seat and picked at the hem of the summery dress I'd decided to wear. "Okay, I guess. It'll be weird to be home alone for so long."

We spent the remainder of the session talking about my mother some more because she had tried to call me again and I hadn't answered. We played out different scenarios and even did some role-playing about how I would handle it if I decided to return her call. My homework was a surprising one: do something for myself while Stella was away. Not an errand or a chore, but something purely fun or relaxing.

Session Seven

"You allowed yourself to accept his help!" Dr. Bader exclaimed. "Stephanie, that's huge."

"Is it?" I asked sheepishly. "I was so exhausted from trying to get back to work I thought it felt desperate."

"You are so hard on yourself. You have just gone back to work at your previous job nearly ten months after you suffered a traumatic brain injury that required months of rehabilitation. It is perfectly normal that you are going to feel overwhelmed and exhausted at first, even just working four hours a day. Anyone would be in your position."

Okay, that helped me feel slightly better. It was normal to be so bone-weary tired that I had to come home and take a nap every day.

"I'm so proud of you for allowing him to help you. He saw that you needed it, and instead of fighting him you accepted it. That's growth, Stephanie. How did things go?"

My chest had tightened a little bit hearing Dr. Bader tell me he was proud of me. It reminded me of Ranger saying the same thing just days earlier. It felt nice to have people who were proud of me.

"It went really well," I said. "I could tell he was trying not to just jump in and do everything but was doing the little things that add up. Like the housework and the laundry, cooking dinner, doing the grocery shopping, things like that. He would ask me if I wanted him to help with Stella's routine instead of just taking over like I knew he wanted to. It made me feel like he understood me better. And I could see that he had really changed. He wasn't constantly taking work calls. He had his laptop with him and only worked while Stella was at school. He sat with her in the evenings and played or we all watched a movie together. We talked and it felt normal," I said, feeling myself get emotional.

I immediately grabbed a tissue and wiped my nose. I'd finally stopped being embarrassed to cry in his office. "The best part was when he was leaving. He told me he was proud of me. He used to say that to me a lot. I think he knew I needed to hear it from someone. And I had noticed that he hadn't once mentioned me coming to Trenton. He bought a house and when I asked him about it, he said that he bought for himself and Stella, but that he kept me in mind in case I'm ever there. He let me know the door is always open if I change my mind."

"That is good progress," Dr. Bader said. "It sounds like you both have worked hard to get where you are today. There's still more work to be done, but this is a very good start."

I smiled and felt more genuinely happy than I had in a long time. "I know. It's actually making me think that maybe there can be future with him."

I hadn't said those words out loud in my own head, let alone to anyone else. But they didn't sound bad.

"And maybe there is," Dr. Bader replied. He leaned back in his chair and reached for a book. "I would like you to start reading this book. We'll take it a few chapters as a time. It focuses on trauma and how our bodies react. It also talks about ways to recover."

It was a paperback called The Body Keeps the Score. I hadn't heard of it or the author before. The name looked like it was Dutch.

"Thanks," I said. "I'll definitely read it."

"I'm glad to hear it. I don't just loan my books out to anyone."

I sat on the exam table in my doctor's office, nervously wiggling my feet. Today was my two-month follow-up after returning to work. The goal was for me to go back to work full-time. The problem was that I didn't think I could. Even though I wasn't quite as exhausted everyday as I had been when I first started, I still felt like I couldn't keep up. Even with the ADHD medication to help me focus I found myself struggling with conflict. I got anxious when staff were fighting over supplies or hours, or patients and their families had complaints about things. Even the petty stuff that I normally would have gone to my office and laughed my ass off about was stressing me out. I had reduced how much walking I was doing, but it still felt like too much. I hadn't told anyone except Dr. Bader how hard it was. I knew I should be more honest with Katie and Ranger, but I was still trying to make everyone believe I was better than I really was. Change was a marathon, not a sprint.

"How are things going, Stephanie?" Dr. Lindell asked. She had been my doctor since moving to Indiana and I really liked her. I had male doctors in the past and hadn't realized until switching to a female how many things I hadn't mentioned to them. Or times when I had said something only to have it dismissed. She took me seriously, and I appreciated that. It helped me with the honesty that came pouring out.

"It's too much," I said through tears. "The first few weeks were so hard that I didn't trust myself to drive home from work. I was taking Ubers because I nearly fell asleep at the wheel the one day I did drive home. It isn't as bad now, but I still have to come home and take a nap before my daughter gets home from day care. I've tried to modify my schedule the best I can to cut down on the walking, but it's still too much. The ADHD medication helps me focus a little, but I still don't feel I'm able to do what I did before the accident. I can't problem-solve like I did, or at least not as fast. I've gotten in trouble at work a few times because I blurt out things, but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm stressed out with the conflict parts of the job, even the stupid stuff that I used to be able to brush off. I don't think I can go back to full-time. I'm not sure if I can do it with any job, but definitely not this one."

Dr Lindell nodded. "I understand, Stephanie. And I'm not terribly surprised. I have kind of expected this was the path you would end up on, at least for right now. It hasn't even been a year and you have pushed yourself so hard to get back to where you used to be. And I'm not saying that your progress is finished. We know that people can still make some progress even years after an injury, but that the vast majority occurs in the first couple of years."

She checked my vitals and reflexes while she talked some more about my options. She could keep it in writing that I cannot work more than twenty hours a week, specify what I could and could not do, and that I would be reevaluated every three months so that whatever job I had would know my limitations, or I could apply for disability. She warned me that it was very difficult to get into the system and that I may have to continuously apply and appeal decisions.

"I'm not sure yet," I told her. "I'll talk to my boss at the hospital. I'd like to see if there is some other position I could take that wouldn't be as stressful. If not, then I'm not sure what jobs I could do. My ex-boyfriend pays way too much in child support because he wants me to know that even if I can't work we will have everything we need."

"That's terrific," Dr. Lindell said as she typed notes into her computer. "Maybe taking some time away from work would be beneficial, if you financially can manage it. Whenever you decide what you want to do just call the office and we'll take care of any paperwork. I'd like to see you again in three months, so just make an appointment at the check-out desk. We'll get this letter ready for your work."

I waited at the checkout desk for several minutes while Dr. Lindell's nurse typed up the note for my boss based on her notes. I headed straight to the hospital after my appointment. My normal shift didn't start for another half an hour, but I wanted time to talk to my boss about my position. I told myself I wasn't going to cry, but that didn't work out. Thankfully I had a very sympathetic boss who had fought hard for me.

"I figured this was coming," Jake told me when I explained to him that I couldn't do the job anymore. "I know you've tried and you fought like hell. We all saw it. We remember what you went through in that accident, and no one will ever think less of you for not being able to come back to all of this. Hell, you stayed in that position for longer than most people in normal circumstances."

"Thanks, Jake. I appreciate it," I told him, and meant it. He had been a great boss. "Not that my opinion matters, but I think you should promote Kelly Foster to the position. I know she doesn't have a college degree, but she's smart and she knows how to handle things."

Jake laughed. "She is the exact person I've had in mind in case you felt like you couldn't go back to full-time. I'll pester the hell out of HR to let her get it. She can work on a degree while she does the job if they care that much about a piece of paper."

"Is there anything open in the hospital that's part-time and less stress?" I asked. "I had checked out the job postings last week and didn't see anything. You hear everything, so I thought you might know if someone is leaving or transferring"

Jake shook his head. "Sorry, other than what's posted I haven't heard of anything."

I shrugged. "It was worth a shot."

He asked me when I wanted my last day to be, and I asked if it could be that day. I'd work the four hours to make sure things were in order for whoever covered until an official replacement was in place. He agreed, and I spent most of those four hours saying goodbyes.

I went home and cried for an hour before falling asleep. It felt like someone had died. Maybe it was my dreams of getting back to life before the accident, but I woke up still feeling like shit. Katie called me at five-thirty as was our routine. She would call to see if I needed her to stop at the store or anything on her way home so that I didn't have to get out. She knew I was always tired in the evenings.

"I quit the hospital today," I told her as I watched for the daycare bus. "It was too much. I couldn't do it, even just four hours a day. My doctor wasn't really surprised when I told her that. Neither was my boss."

"I'm not surprised either," Katie replied. "It was obvious that trying to go back was taking a toll on you."

"I guess I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought."

"No offense, Steph, but you aren't that good an actor."

"I guess I can scratch Broadway off the list of potential careers," I replied.

Stella's bus pulled up and I walked out to the end of the driveway. "I don't know what I'm going to do. Since Ranger pays enough child support for six kids, I don't have to worry about money while I'm not working."

"That's always a plus. How about I pick up Mexican food and some margarita stuff and we hang out at your house tonight?"

"That sounds amazing," I said as I got Stella off the bus and we waved goodbye to the driver.

I hadn't had a margarita since before my accident. Normally they made me laugh and feel good. But these days they made me very sad. I spent a good part of the evening crying on Katie's shoulder. She had taken Stella into my bedroom to do the Facetime call with Ranger because I was still sobbing on the couch while stuffing my face with chips and salsa. Stella wanted to know why I was so sad, and I told her it was because I missed my friends. She wouldn't understand the real answer, but I would miss some of my coworkers. That made it not a lie, right?

"Look on the bright side," Katie said to me after she put Stella to bed. "You're going to Miami this weekend. Maybe you can stay a little longer than you planned since you don't have to worry about being back to work."

That made me feel a little better. Our joint birthday was on Saturday and Ranger had asked if we would like to go to Miami to celebrate. Never one to pass up the opportunity to go to the beach, I'd accepted without argument. The plan was that he would fly out to Indiana on Thursday evening, and we would leave for Miami as soon as I got off work on Friday and come back Sunday night. I had told him we could just meet him in Miami, but he said he didn't mind the extra leg of the trip. At least now we didn't have to worry about the times.

"Maybe I'll feel better on the beach. No one cries when they're at the beach," I said, reaching for the pitcher of margaritas, but Katie pushed it away.

"You'll feel better once the tequila is out of your system," she replied.

She made sure I got to bed safely and locked up the house as she left. I passed out in my clothes because I didn't have the motivation to find pajamas and slept until my alarm went off. I groaned and turned it off, taking a minute to figure out why I felt the need to just stay in bed. Oh yeah, a hangover combined with unemployment. I thought about keeping Stella home from daycare, but it was pajama day and I wouldn't live to tell the tale if she missed it. I got her ready for school and did my best to not look like a zombie as I took her out to the bus, but I didn't think the driver was convinced.

I made it back inside and forced myself to take a shower and brush my teeth. If nothing else, I had taken care of my personal hygiene that day. I laid on the couch for the next couple of hours and binged the latest season of Nailed It! on Netflix. Watching people make complete fools of themselves and be able to laugh about it made me feel a little better.

I was startled awake by a knock on the front door. I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep again. Was it time for Stella to come home already? I looked at the clock and realized it was only noon. Definitely not Stella. I got up and hauled my hungover ass to the door. When I looked out the peephole, I felt myself get emotional. I opened the door and burst into tears as soon as Ranger stepped inside. He wrapped me in a hug and held me until I pulled myself together. We moved over the couch and sat down.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Katie told me about you quitting the hospital last night when she helped Stella call me," he said. "She told me you were really upset about it. I thought maybe we could go down to Miami earlier, if you're interested."

"Definitely," I replied. "Wanna help me pack?"