A/N: I want to apologize in advance for my awkward song...

Moving along someone mentioned the gun laws in Great Britain, the laws that limited handgun ownership to the point that they are at now was enacted in 1997 and as such post date my story.

Also I missed our appointment for an update last week, I won't say it isn't going to happen again but I had every intention of publishing but Grad school got in the way.

Let's find out who the new DADA Professor will be!

The five Gryffindor's waved and hugged Luna goodbye before occupying the end of the table closest the staff table. Harry was startled when he scanned the staff table for the new Defense teacher only to find Elena Smith staring back at him. "And to what do I owe this pleasure Elena?" He asked, tapping her gently as he explained to his friends who she was. "She taught me a lot of what I know, she's a great Occlumency teacher, she is Mark's aunt." His friends nodded and Hermione looked up at the new professor with admiration.

"Albus requested that I come to teach his students Occlumency, since Legillimency is one of Tom's favorite weapons. It will also help people throw off the Impirius if it comes to that." She smiled at him and turned to answer something that Professor Flitwick has asked her. He wanted to ask her about the other aspects of the Defense course but was interrupted by Professor McGonagall entering the Great Hall carrying the Sorting Hat on a familiar stool. She set it on the stage in front of the school as the First years filed in behind her, milling together unsure of what to expect.

The time has come,
For all to fight,
From house to house,
To save the light.

By working together,
It is impossible to fall,
For Hogwarts' might,
Runs through you all.

Gryffindors will lead the fight,
And Hufflepuffs will unite the clan,
Slytherins will even the score,
And Ravenclaws will plan.

Each house with virtues true,
Striving to be unique,
You will find a home,
In whatever you may seek.

Everyone broke into applause and McGonagall unfurled her scroll and began reading names from the list. While she was leading the sorting Harry went out on a limb and tapped the Sorting Hat. After calling out, "HUFFLEPUFF!" he got a reply. "Ah Mr. Potter, I see you have finally accomplished some of the great things that Olivander and I spoke of so many years ago." Harry grinned and waited as the hat sorted another student into, "RAVENCLAW!"

"Yes, I only learned of my ability a few months ago but I have done my best to learn to access and control the incredible amount of power I have access to. Being able to communicate like this is very convenient. I have to ask, do you have a name? I can't imagine that the founders had a spell to create artificial intelligence that kept up this long." He felt more than heard the rumbling laughter that came from the hat.

After sorting his first "GRYFFINDOR!" the Sorting Hat responded. "You are quite correct Harry. I was in fact the first Head Boy of Hogwarts. When time was getting the better of me despite being many years younger than the founders, Godric and Salazar approached me with a proposition. They would transfer my essence into this hat and I would be the avatar of the Four Founders for as long as Hogwarts stood. The spell they used eventually led to the spells used to animate wizarding paintings. So while I'm not exactly the Alistair Crowley from so long ago, I am a reasonable likeness."

Harry grinned as the last student was sorted into "SLYTHERIN" and realized that it must have been Zabini's younger sibling. As Alistair was being carried away he sent one final message, "It was nice to meet you Alistair, I hope we can talk again in the future."

"You know where I live Mr. Potter. Don't be a stranger just because my roommate is the Headmaster." Harry laughed out loud at this and his friends all looked at him skeptically. He explained that he had been communicating with Alistair, which caused Hermione to perk up. 'Imagine the kind of insight he would have into the history of the Wizarding World!' Harry just grinned and shook his head.

The Opening Feast had come and was soon gone when Dumbledore stood at the podium in the front of the hall. "Welcome welcome welcome to our new students, and to our old hands, welcome back. I'm certain that this will be an exciting year here at Hogwarts, and not in the way it has been recently." There was a smattering of polite laughter before he raised his hands and silence returned. "As you should all know by now, the Forbidden Forest is just that, forbidden. Dark creatures roam those trees and it is best to keep clear. Mr. Filch has asked me to mention that the list of banned items has been expanded to include anything sold at Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes."

The entire of Gryffindor and a good portion of the rest of the students cheered and laughed at this.. Even the Slytherins couldn't deny the twins' genius and fantastic products. Dumbledore called for silence once more, "Yes we are all proud of Fred and George's success however I think we would all appreciate it if you were to show that pride somewhere besides school grounds. Finally I would like to introduce our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Smith." There was polite applause all around, anyone had to be better than Umbridge.

"Professor Smith is an expert in the mind arts and will be teaching the upperclassmen how to defend themselves against unwanted intrusions into their minds. As Legillimency is one of Voldemort's greatest weapons I would be negligent if I did not do my best to prepare you for what may be out there." There were a few gasps as Dumbledore said 'Voldemort' but quite a few of the sharper upperclassmen realized exactly what Dumbledore was saying.

Harry was the first to voice his concern however, he stood and addressed his headmaster, "Professor Dumbledore what about the other aspects of the Defense course? Dark creatures and dueling will be vital skills to have in the coming days, what are we going to do about those topics?" The twinkle in Dumbledore's eye caused Harry's stomach to plummet. "Oh you have GOT to be kidding me, sir."

Ignoring Harry's outburst Dumbledore turned back to the rest of the students. "Assistant Professor Potter will be teaching a modified Defense curriculum focused on magical dueling and defense. He is to be treated with the respect due to him as an Assistant Professor." At this he looked down his nose and through his spectacles at the Slytherins in the far right hand side of the hall. "Prefects take your First years to their dorms, the rest of you are dismissed. Mr. Potter if you could join me in my office?"

Harry told his friends that he would tell them everything later and broke off from them halfway to Gryffindor tower, making his way stoically toward the headmaster's office. The gargoyle jumped aside for him and by the time he got to the top of the spiral staircase he could hear Professor Snape yelling from the other side of the door. "It is irresponsible and completely unacceptable. That spoilt brat should not be teaching MY class Albus. You know exactly how long I've wanted that position."

Harry entered the room quietly; he gave a quick nod to Dumbledore before taking a seat between Elena and Snape. "And you know, Severus, exactly why I haven't given you the position. Tom would pressure you into weakening the students for him and force you to teach the Dark Arts to his select few. Mr. Potter on the other hand has no such constraint."

Snape whirled on the teenager in question and drew his wand, "This boy couldn't even keep out a first year I see no reason why he should be teaching the class, Legillimens!"

The next thing Severus Snape knew he was bound to a dentist's chair with some sort of muggle contraption holding his eyes open. A screen lowered in front of him and scenes began to flick past, Petunia Dursley wielding a frying pan, Harry cradling a broken arm in what seemed to be a cupboard, Harry running for his life from Dudley and his gang. Over and over these images played in front of his eyes, each time he attempted to look away the screen followed his line of sight. For the first time in a very long time, Severus Snape was afraid.

Dumbledore levitated his Potions professor back into his chair while giving Harry an admonishing look, "You shouldn't have done whatever it was Harry, will he recover?"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Professor, Snape just tried to pry my mind open to prove a point, I think that as an Assistant Professor, let alone a human being with rights, I should be able to defend myself by whatever means necessary. Sna-Professor Snape will be just fine, I'm just giving him a bit of an attitude adjustment, nothing physically harming at all. In fact he will be released when he himself realizes that I am not the bully who tortured him through Hogwarts, even if I bear a striking resemblance."

Dumbledore was stroking his beard thoughtfully, "How long do you expect that to take, Harry? I can't have one of my heads of house incapacitated for the start of term."

Harry simply shrugged. "Time passes quicker inside our minds, you know that. We can dream of entire lifetimes in one night, getting over a grade school grudge may seem like something that will take longer than a lifetime but I don't expect him to be out for very long. While he is a very stubborn man he is in no way stupid. Ignorant of blatant facts maybe, but not stupid."

Dumbledore let out a sigh of defeat before offering his guests Lemon Drops, which Harry for the first time ever decided to accept. "Now you'll be in charge of your classes and will be able to give or take house points and assign detention. However due to the fact that you are going to be a student while you are not in the classroom, you will also lose all professorial privileges when you step out of your classroom. Hogwarts will not register points nor detentions assigned by you if it is not your class period or office hours."

"Now these," Dumbledore took a moment to levitate a stack of parchment toward Harry, "Are Reamus and Alastor's lesson plans. You can use them as a guideline in order to create your own. Anything in red ink is required material, anything beyond that is completely up to your discretion. From the OWL and NEWT grades that your DA members have earned I am most happily assured that you will be more than up to the task."

Harry flipped through the parchment for a few minutes before bringing his eyes back up to meet Dumbledore's, "Hermione did a lot of my lesson plans for the DA, would it be okay for her to help me plan out what to teach? She's much more familiar with the ministry requirements than I'll ever care to be." Elena chuckled at this, which caused Harry to remember that she was also in the meeting. "And what about you missy? When were you planning on telling me that you were coming to teach?"

She waved him off, "I'm only teaching a few classes a week, I'll spend most of my time at home in the institute. There is no way I'm leaving Mark that unsupervised, he'd tear the place down. I tried to tell you when I explained how much of a natural leader you were, but the topic never came up. I was more worried about your mental health than I was about this situation."

Dumbledore cut in, "I also asked her to leave it as a bit of a surprise, your outburst in the Great Hall did more than I had ever hoped. This way people will not first suspect that you in any way wanted the position, which should lead some of your more…acidic relationships to not cause as many problems in class. As for asking for Ms. Granger's help with your lesson plans I wholeheartedly encourage you to use whatever resources you have to make this year of Defense the best the castle has seen in decades."

Harry jerked his thumb at the still catatonic Potions professor, "Snape seems to think that I stole the placement out from under his nose. I'm sure that my first class of Slytherins is going to be ever so pleasant. They'll probably try to hex me to the wall and then play 'Operation' with my insides."

Elena let out a rather unfeminine snort at this, which caused Dumbledore's confusion to deepen. Seeing his bewilderment she sent a burst of information his way, explaining the muggle board game and included her mental image of Harry going, "BUZZ Bloody BUZZ that was NOT my kidney you learning disabled baboon!"

Dumbledore's uncharacteristic guffaw seemed to coincide perfectly with Snape's snapping back to reality. After regaining his composure the Headmaster realized that two of his professors were having a staring contest. "Severus, are you well my boy? Harry ensured me that you wouldn't come to any harm and that you could break out of his trap yourself."

Snape nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact with Harry. "I am perfectly fine Albus, Harry took it upon himself to give me a…wake up call. Mr. Potter I will not apologize for the way that I treated you the last five years. While my initial read on you is obviously incorrect you did go out of your way to punish me for it. What I will offer you is a truce, I realize that you are far more powerful than the Dark Lord and I'd rather like to be on the winning side. While I understand that Professor Smith gave you a much better tuition in Occlumency than I did, you seem to have taken it to a whole new level that I am keenly interested in exploring."

Harry was eying the man that had made his life at Hogwarts a living hell, second only to Umbitch. "As long as the truce extends to all of your other students, you can be as mean as you want, but you have to grade fairly and assign detentions to all those who deserve it." He emphasized the last two words forcefully, lacing them with as much suggestion as he thought Snape could handle.

Though taken aback by the forcefulness of Harry's words, having to backpedal in his mind to keep their power from taking hold, he gave the teen a nod of respect. "Agreed, though I'm not sure how much this change is going to help Longbottom's grades."

Harry grinned, "Without you hovering over him like a bat he was able to get a solid O for his Potions OWL. He knows the ingredients like the back of his hand, and understands better than I ever will how they react with one another. If you'd allow him the time to work through the potion, you'd be surprised with the results."

Snape arched an eyebrow, "Indeed. If you ever need a hand in the classroom feel free to ask, I have a few ideas for the Defense class room that you might be able to test out for me."

Harry matched his newfound ally's facial expression; "I'd be glad to, as long as you explain them to me fully and tell me what you expect to happen. I can't give you pointers on running your classroom without giving you the opportunity to return the favor." They both smirked at each other before turning back to Dumbledore who was sitting back in his chair looking as pleased as can be.

"I'm glad you two have buried the hatchet, you both have such exceptional minds it seemed a waste to me for you to bicker as you always have but I was in no position to remedy the situation. Now Harry as Elena has flat out rejected to be paid for the few classes she'll be teaching, the salary for the Defense position falls to you."

Harry was already shaking his head, "No way professor, I have more money than two Malfoy fortunes put together, I have no need for the salary. Donate it to the Orphan Student fund, anonymously. Now if there is nothing else I really must be getting to Gryffindor tower before curfew."

As he turned the handle to leave Dumbledore's voice caused him to pause, "One of your privileges that does extend outside of the classroom Harry is that the curfew does not apply to professors." Harry grinned into the door before continuing his exit from the room.