24

"You look like you're going to puke."

Rolling my eyes, I looked at Carlisle, who was seated behind his desk while we waited for Liam to invite us into his office. Invite us — like we were meeting for dinner and not getting ready to bare our souls. I didn't want to be there, but at the same time, I knew I needed to talk to someone. I was angry and tired and done trying to keep my shit together. All I wanted was to go back and be the same Isabella that Carlisle had fallen in love with.

"I don't feel good," I said. "Probably something I ate."

"Or didn't eat," he quipped. "Did you eat lunch today?"

I opened my mouth to defend myself and claim without a doubt that I ate, but I couldn't remember if I did or not. Class had ran late, each of my teachers had wanted to speak to me afterward, to check on me they said. Then, I saw Esme across campus and ducked into the library before she saw me, but surely I ate at some point, didn't I? Why couldn't I remember if I'd stuffed a sandwich into my mouth?

"That's what I thought," he said, pushing himself out of his chair and walking across his office. He opened the mini-fridge that blended in perfectly with his shelving and grabbed a banana, small orange juice, and what looked like half a turkey and cheese sandwich. "Eat."

I knew better than to argue with him, so I accepted the food and slowly nibbled on it until I'd eaten and drunk it all. Tossing the trash in the can next to his desk, I settled back in the chair across from him and placed my hands on my lap.

"Better?"

"Not really," I admitted. "It's just nerves."

"I'm nervous, too," he said, quietly.

"You are?"

Carlisle nodded. "Very."

"Why?"

But before he could answer, the intercom cackled and Liam's voice trickled through the small speaker. "Carlisle, I'm ready now."

Carlisle took a deep breath as he pressed on one of the buttons and said, "We'll be right in."

Releasing the button, he stood up and walked around his desk, offering me his hand. "We're in this together, Isabella. You and me, okay?"

"Promise?"

"With my whole heart."

Taking his hand, I hoped like hell he was being honest and allowed him to lead me out of his office, around to the other side of the floor. The door to Liam's office was open, so the two of us stepped inside. I don't know what I was expecting, but what I saw didn't come close. Instead of the typical dark woods and neutral colors that doctors tended to go with, Liam's office was bright and fun. His desk had been painted bright red and there were pictures of clowns on the wall, that honestly, creeped me out. There were two couches in a bright yellow and blue plaid, two beanbag chairs — one green and one orange — and lots of toys and children's books on the shelves.

"Sorry about the delay," Liam said, scrambling from around his desk. "Had a mom call in hysterics. Her son, who is only one, hasn't taken his first steps yet and she's convinced it's her fault."

"That's not unusual, is it? For him not to be walking, I mean," I said.

"No, a lot of kids are well over a year old, but she's a single mom. Her family turned their back on her years ago, so she needs someone to reassure her that she's doing a great job. That's where I come in, I guess."

"Oh, I see." I nibbled on the inside of my lip while looking around the office. "So, do we sit or what?"

"It'd be a lot more comfortable than standing around," he said, laughing and gesturing toward the couches. "Sit. Lay down, get comfortable."

"Thanks," I murmured and settled in the middle of one of the couches.

Carlisle sat next to me, his fingers wrapping around mine. "Thanks again, Liam, for fitting us in."

"You're welcome." He said, grabbing a yellow notepad and pen before settling on the other sofa. "So, tell me what you want from these sessions."

"We need someone to help us get past losing our parents, past the man who was stalking Isabella, past . . . Well, everything, I guess," Carlisle rattled off. "We know it won't be easy, but we're committed to each other and love each other. We just need help."

Liam made a few notes before shifting his attention to me. "That's what he wants from our sessions. What do you want, Bella?"

"I . . ." I paused and shook my head. "I started to say that I wanted the same as Carlisle, but that's not entirely truthful."

"Then what is the truth?" Liam asked.

"I want to stop being scared," I admitted. "I want to be able to go to bed every night and not worry that someone is outside our house, watching us. I want my children to laugh with me and not be scared that I've got one foot out the door, but most of all, more than anything, I want to really believe that no matter what happens, Carlisle will never stop loving me, never ask me to leave, never give up on me," I whimpered.

"You don't believe those things already?" Liam asked before Carlisle could, though I knew he wanted to.

I shook my head. "Why would he? I left him. I left the boys. It's my fault Peter was killed, that my mother and father were killed. All of it is my fault."

"No, baby, that's not true," Carlisle insisted.

"You sure about that, Carlisle?" Liam asked, raising an eyebrow. "This is only going to work if you're one hundred percent honest."

Carlisle sighed. "Fine. Maybe, in a way, some of what she said is true."

"For example?" Liam prompted.

"She left."

I tensed automatically, but didn't say anything. It's not like he was lying. I had left.

"She promised me and our boys that she wouldn't leave us, but she did. And in the process, my father was killed."

"Do you blame her for Peter's death?" Liam asked, crossing his legs and placing the note pad on his knee.

"No," Carlisle said. "No, I don't."

"You should," I murmured, under my breath.

"What's that, Bella?"

Sighing, I shook my head. "He should blame me."

"Why?"

"Because if I hadn't left, Peter wouldn't have come after me and Gabriel Varner wouldn't have killed him. At least that night."

"What do you mean by that?" Liam asked.

I inhaled a deep breath, trying to keep calm. "He'd already killed to get what he wanted, or who he wanted. The real Gabriel Varner, his children, his wife. Who knows who else."

"Is that why you left?" Liam questioned.

I nodded. "It was only a matter of time before he attacked someone I loved."

"So you were being noble."

"No," I disagreed. "I don't know. I just got tired of waiting for him to make his move, for him to attack the boys or Carlisle. It's exhausting always having to look over your shoulder, or worry that someone is watching you while you're making love. We fought so hard to be together, to love each other, I didn't want to be the reason they got hurt, but it didn't matter because he hurt everyone anyway."

Liam tossed his notepad on the couch next to him and uncrossed his legs, leaning forward so that his elbows were braced on top of his knees. "Carlisle, why do you love Bella?"

"Why?" Carlisle asked, whistling under his breath. "How can I not?"

"Well, I don't love her," he countered. "Why do you?"

"Um, because she's . . . she's Isabella. She's funny and sarcastic and humble and kind. She makes me laugh all the time. She . . . Hell, she tells the boys silly stories about monkeys and giraffes, and she knows exactly how Michael likes his pancakes and how to get Tyler to drink his milk, but more than just, she makes me want to be the man she deserves."

Liam smiled and turned his attention to me. "Why do you love him, Bella?"

"Because when I needed someone to be there, he was. When my mom let the bottle be her grief, when she forgot that she had a daughter, he was there. He wanted me around, I was never in the way with him. He let me love the boys, let me love him, and I don't know. I just can't imagine a world where he's not my lover."

Liam placed the palms of his hands together, still smiling. "You've both been honest. That's a huge start. You're clearly in love with each other. Nobody could deny that your feelings are real. But love will only get you so far." He turned toward me. "You've been through a lot, Bella. More than most people ever will. Give yourself a break and stop putting the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let your family ease some of the burden."

"You make that sounds easy."

"Never claimed that it would be, but you're only one woman, Bella, and even you can't do it all." `Liam turned to Carlisle. "But you have to stop hovering over her. She needs you to be there, but what she doesn't need is for you to make everything perfect. Hold her when she cries, but don't expect her to fall apart every time something goes wrong. She's tougher than you think she is."

"I know she is," Carlisle said, quietly.

"I'd like to meet with you both separately for a while, and then bring you back together. We can meet here, but if you'd feel more comfortable, we can meet at coffee shops, parks, wherever. I'm fairly flexible. Just let me know and I'll be there."

"Okay, thanks," Carlisle said, standing up.

I automatically followed, but found myself feeling awkward. Wasn't I supposed to feel better after therapy? Have all the answers and know how to process my trauma? I didn't feel like we cleared up anything and that left me feeling anxious.

"Bella," Liam said, drawing my attention to him. He was holding a card out to me. "In case you need anything. Anytime. It doesn't matter how trivial you think it is, either, okay? Call me."

"Yeah, all right," I murmured and accepted the card. I slid it into the back pocket of my jeans before following him and Carlisle to the elevator. "Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome. Have a safe trip home."

Carlisle and I rode the elevator down in silence and walked out of the co-op. Since I'd had class that morning, I'd driven myself to his office, which meant we had both cars. I followed him to Edward and Jasper's, who were still staying at Carlisle's bungalow. Guilt filled me when we passed the charred ruins of Sasha's diner. I knew they were planning on rebuilding, but it would take months to clear out the mess and get the new diner open.

Edward, Jasper, Michael, and Tyler were gathered around the fire pit when we came upon them. Tyler cheered and rushed over to Carlisle, leaping into his father's arms.

"Hey, guys, we didn't expect you back so early. We were about to burn us some hotdogs." Edward gestured to the wire hangers that Michael and Jasper were fitting with hotdogs. "We have plenty if you want to join us."

"Yeah, sure," Carlisle said, turning and looking at me. "Is that okay, Isabella?"

I nodded and tried to smile. "Sounds great."

"Yay! I'm starving and did not want to wait until we got home to eat," Tyler exclaimed, leaping from Carlisle's arms and rushing around the fire pit to help get the hotdogs on the hangers.

"Don't run," Carlisle yelled, following him.

Wrapping my arms around my torso, I settled in one of the chairs and watched as he interacted with the boys, with Edward and Jasper, how they laughed and made jokes. How could I have given this up? These people were my life, my everything, and I almost lost them because of fear?

"Hey, you," Jasper said, dropping into the chair next to mine. "How's it going?"

"It's going," I said, quietly. "Been a long week. I'm ready for the weekend."

"Me too," he laughed, before turning serious. "My dad's coming this weekend."

My eyes widened in shock.

"Try me, I know," he said, shaking his head. "He called out of the blue about a month ago, said my sister had told him that Edward and I had moved to here. Said . . . said he was sorry for kicking me out, for not being the father I deserved. Anyway, we've talked a few times since, but then a couple days ago, he called and asked if he could come visit."

"I'm surprised you said yes," I admitted. "After everything you told me about him."

"I'm not sure I should have, but losing Peter, almost losing you," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Guess I figure what the hell. Let's try, you know?"

I nodded. "Just hope you don't get hurt."

"Me too," he said, shifting his attention to Edward. "My father will either accept me, accept Edward, or he won't. I can't make him, but he's trying and so can I."

"You're a pretty awesome guy, Jasper," I whispered, reaching over and placing my hand on top of his. "One of the good ones."

"Thanks, I guess." He laughed and twisted his hand so that his fingers were wrapped around mine. "Edward and I would love it if you and Carlisle would come with us when we meet him."

"I . . . I don't know," I mumbled.

"You're part of our family, too, Bella. Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, and while I wanted nothing more than to be there for Edward and Jasper, I wasn't sure I could be, not barely keeping myself together.